Original subtitles

- Alice found a small bottle.

She's sending to over by Dennis.

- Well, meet him at the door, Martha.

You know how he always rushes into the room like a whirlwind.

And if there's even the slightest breeze--

- I know, Dear.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson!

I've got if for you, Mr. Wilson.

- You wait right here, Dear.

Mr. Wilson's very busy working with his seeds.

- Seeds?

- Yes, prize petunia seeds.

They're very tiny and very valuable.

He's been saving them one by one all summer.

- Gosh.

- Oh, fine.

This is just the kind of bottle I need.

- It's the emptiest one Mom had, Mr. Wilson.

There's still some in it.

- Uh-huh, well, I'll empty it.

Uh, d-- you can come into the room

after I've filled the bottle with seeds.

But till I do, don't you even breath.

- Uh, uh, uh, achoo!

Great Scott!

What was in that bottle?

- Just a little pepper, Mr. Wilson.

Don't worry.

Mom didn't want it back.

- Ah, ho ho.

[theme music]

- I know I promised to have a celebrity appear at the Lodge

party Tuesday night, and I'm working on it.

Yes, Tom.

I know there isn't much time.

I-- now look here, Tom.

I'm chairman of the entertainment committee,

and I will come up with something good.

Now, you have my word on it.

Now stop worrying.

Good bye.

Tom, Worrywart.

I--

Oh, hello, Martha, dear.

Uh--uh come on in here.

I want to show you something.

Martha, how would you like a glass of wine?

- George, at 10:30 in the morning?

- Oh, well then, perhaps you would prefer, uh, water.

- Oh.

[chuckle]

- George, For a minute, I didn't know what to think.

- Pretty clever, eh?

Haha.

Oh, wait til you see the new trick I'm working on.

Oh, it's a pretty tough one to do,

but I have til Tuesday to practice.

- Tuesday?

That's the Lodge party.

You're not going to do your magic act again this year?

- Well, I hadn't planned to.

But if I can't get a celebrity, I'll

just have to fill in myself.

- Everybody would enjoy seeing your act

if they hadn't already seen it several times.

- Come here, my dear.

Step into this cabinet for a minute,

and I'll make you disappear.

- Not now, George.

I haven't time to disappear.

I have to pack.

- Oh, um, by the way, uh, under the circumstances, Martha,

you better call Jim and Edna and tell them

that we won't be able to come up for this weekend after all.

I will be busy practicing.

- George, that's just another excuse.

- Or I'll tell you what, why don't you go?

- They're your relatives.

- Everything I have in this world, my dear,

belongs to you, including my cousin and his obnoxious wife.

- (ANGRILY) i am not going again without you!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hiiiiii, Mr. Wilson!

- Now if I could only make him disappear.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Here's something for ya.

- Well, put it on the desk, Dennis.

I can't talk to you now.

I have to rehearse my magic tricks.

- Abra Cadabra!

- Boy! - Oh.

[chuckle]

- You like that Dennis?

- Boy, that's the best magic I ever saw in all my life!

Do some more, will ya, Mr. Wilson?

I could watch you doing magic tricks all day.

[chuckle]

- Not this day you can't, young man.

Besides, you can see my whole act at the party.

- Jeepers, are you gonna put on your magic show

for the party, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, I am.

Now you run along like a good boy.

- I will, Mr. Wilson.

I'll be the best boy in this neighborhood.

- Good for you.

[puttering]

- I've wanted one of these ever since Dennis

was four years old.

- Oh, he'll love it.

- Hey, Mom, I'm home.

Hey, Mom, guess what!

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Mom.

You sure were wrong about good old Mr. Wilson.

He is too coming to my birthday party.

- Really, Honey, are you sure?

- And you know what?

He's gonna put on his magic show for us.

- That doesn't sound like Mr. Wilson.

- Dear, are you sure you didn't misunderstand him?

I'd hate to see you disappointed.

- Sure, I'm sure.

He told me so.

I've gotta go now and deliver the rest of my invitations.

Bye. - Bye.

- I can't imagine Mr. Wilson allowing himself

to be dragged through a child's birthday party.

[chuckle]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Dad, if that's

the steam engine I saw in the closet,

you better not monkey around with it.

You don't wanna get it busted before my birthday.

Herbie.

Hey, Herbie, it's me!

- Oh, well, Herbie's gone downtown

with his mother for a while.

He'll be back soon.

Come on in.

- Say, aren't you Mrs. Lily Ruskin?

- Well, that's my name on a television show.

- What are you doing at Herbie's house?

- Right now I'm babysitting with Herbie's little sister.

Actually, I--

- How come you're babysitting?

- Well, come on, sit down.

I'll tell you about it.

I was on a personal appearance tour in the east.

So I stopped off here on my way home to see Herbie's mother.

She's my favorite niece. - Oh.

Well, who's taking care of your family on December Bride?

Where's Ruth and Matt?

[chuckling]

- They're only my television family.

My name is really Spring Byington.

What's your name?

- Dennis.

- Oh, you're the little Mitchell boy.

- Hi, Aunt Spring.

- Hi, Darling.

- I got back as soon as I could.

Honestly, that traffic's enough-- oh, Dennis.

Oh, oh, I was hoping you'd be able to get a nap.

- I did have.

I've had a lovely time.

The baby's been a cherub.

And Dennis and I have been having

a stimulating conversation.

- That's nice.

Herbie, why don't you and Dennis run over to his house and play?

- Well, I don't have time to play.

I've gotta deliver the rest of my invitations.

Here's yours, Herbie.

- What for?

- I'm having a birthday party next Saturday,

and it's gonna be the best party I ever

had in all my life on account of you know what?

- What? - We're gonna have a magic show.

- You are?

I just love magic.

- You can come too if you want, and you

don't have to bring me a present.

- Well, thank you.

His mother, is that good friend of yours, Alice Mitchell,

that you were telling me about?

- Yeah.

Oh, she'd be thrilled to death to meet you,

i--if you really want to.

- Dennis, we accept with pleasure.

- OK, Bye, Herbie.

- He's invited me to his birthday party?

Why, Martha, that's the last place I want to be.

Oh, we'll buy him a nice present.

- He's expecting you.

Alice told me so.

He thinks you're gonna do your magic tricks.

- He-- for Pete's, uh-- oh, well he misunderstood me.

Well, now what am I going to do?

- You'll just have to go, George.

- Oh, Martha.

- I don't know how you can get out

of it without hurting his feelings.

- Oh.

- Unless we weren't going to be in town.

You did promise your cousin first.

- Martha, maybe we could say we're going to my cousins.

Oh, all right, Martha.

It isn't an easy choice, but well, I

better go over to the Mitchell's and just tell them

how sorry I am I can't be at Dennis' birthday party.

- We're awfully sorry you won't be

able to be at the party, Mr. Wilson.

But we understand, don't we Dennis?

- Sure.

That's OK, Mr. Wilson.

- It is?

- Jeepers, you can't help it, Mr. Wilson.

- Well, well, I'm glad you're not disappointed, Dennis.

Thank you for the coffee, Alice.

- We'll just wait and have my birthday when you come back.

- Oh, no, Dennis, you can't do that.

- Sure, we can.

Huh, Mom?

- Well, I--

- Oh, no.

Your mother's already planned it for Saturday.

But I'll tell you what we'll do.

- What Mr. Wilson?

- Well, you, and your mother, and father

can be my guests at the Lodge Benefit Tuesday night.

You can see all my magic acts there, Dennis.

- Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

That's very kind of you.

- Well, it-- it should be a good benefit, I think.

Course, might act would be a lot better

if I had more time to practice.

I'm just filling in because I cannot get a celebrity.

There's just not a soul in town.

- I know a celebrity.

- You do?

- Herbie's Aunt Spring.

The one who's coming to my party.

Of course, she's not his real aunt.

He only calls her that.

She's on television.

- Television?

What's the rest of her name?

- Mrs. Ruskin.

- Spring Ruskin.

I never heard of her.

Well, Alice, we'll see you when we get back.

[sigh]

- George, you haven't said a word all evening.

But I guess it runs in the family.

Jim doesn't talk much either, do ya, Jim?

He just plunks himself down right after supper

and watches TV. Oh.

Here's an ash tray, George.

Haven't you got any that are larger than that?

- No, I'm sorry.

None of our friends smoke.

- Well, if you rather I didn't--

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

We want you to be completely at home.

Now you go right ahead and smoke your pipe.

I'll just open this window so the smell

doesn't get in the curtains.

[wind howling]

- I'll smoke it later!

- Oh.

You know, Jim and I always enjoy a bit of sweet after supper.

[chuckle]

- Would you care for a piece of gum?

- No, thank you, Dear.

- She's watching her calories.

- Well, George, how've you been?

- Oh, just fine, Jim, fine.

And you?

- Oh, can't complain, George.

Except for that old pain in the neck.

- How long have you two been married now?

- Eh, shall I, uh, turn on the set?

- Good idea.

- Oh, Jim's just like a child if he misses his programs.

As far as I'm concerned, I'd much rather

hear what you folks have been doing since we saw you last.

Like I always say, a person doesn't learn anything

if he doesn't listen.

Don't you agree, Martha?

Oh, but I try not to interfere with Jim's pleasures.

[sigh]

- Most wives demand so much of their husbands.

But I feel when Jim comes home from a hard day at the office,

and he wants to plunk down in front of that box,

he has a right to do what he wants to in his own house.

MALE SPEAKER (ON TV): December Bride,

starring Spring Byington as Lily Ruskin.

- It's the December Bride show.

Doggonit, we just cut in at the end.

- Yeah, that's always been one of my-- Lily Ruskin.

Spring Byington.

Ohh.

Great Scott!

How could I be such a blithering idiot?

- What's the matter, George?

- Spring Ruskin, the one Dennis has been talking about,

is really Spring Byington.

- I know, Dear.

She always has been.

- Now how could I be so stupid?

Why didn't I put two and two together?

We watch her show all the time.

- Please Dear, don't be so excited.

- He said Spring Ruskin, but it never occurred to me.

Why, she'd be a marvelous celebrity, Martha.

But it isn't too late.

I-- if we leave first thing in the morning,

we can be home by 1 or 2 o'clock.

- Leave?

But you said you could stay til Sunday.

- Oh, well, I'm sorry, Jim.

There's nothing in the world I'd like better,

but I just remembered I promised the little boy

next door that I'd go to his birthday party.

- George, you said the last thing in the world--

- The very last thing in the world I'd ever want to do,

my dear, is to disappoint dear little Dennis.

Come along. I'll help you pack.

[chuckle]

- No wonder Martha hasn't brought him to visit us.

Well, I'm glad there's nothing like that

on my side of the family.

- How would you like Spring Byington as your celebrity

Tuesday night?

Uh-huh?

Haha.

Well, I have friends in important places.

[chuckle]

- Just a minute, Dear.

- Don't you think you better ask her first?

- Well, I told you if I was Entertainment Chairman,

I'd come up with a good program.

Ahaha.

Yeah, later, Tom.

Hehehe.

He was absolutely flabbergasted.

- But what if she doesn't say yes?

- Oh, well, she won't say no.

It's for charity, isn't it?

- Well, yes.

- Whoa, don't you worry, Martha.

I've dealt with important people before.

I know how to handle them Why, when I finish telling her

about the Lodge, she'll be putty in my hands.

Why, she'll jump at the chance.

Don't you worry.

Now come on.

Help me with all this magic equipment out here, Dear.

[rowdy kids]

[doorbell] - Boys!

Boys! Boys!

Just hold it now.

Oh.

Oh, the Wilsons.

Thank goodness you could come.

Alice had to go see her father in Lawndale.

I-- it's too late to call the party off.

- Is something wrong?

- Well, her father fell down and hurt his foot.

We don't think it's serious.

I'm expecting Alice home tonight.

- Well, I'll pitch in and help right away.

- Oh, thank you, Mr. Wilson.

- And I'll do my magic tricks.

I left my equipment on the porch.

- I'll set it up for you later.

- Fine. [chuckle]

- You'll never guess who's here.

- Who?

- Spring Byington, the actress.

- Spring Byington?

No!

- Uh, Mrs. Byington, I'd like you to meet Mr. And Mrs. Wilson,

our next door neighbors.

- Oh, how do you do?

- Would you excuse us a minute?

Mrs. Wilson and I are going to the kitchen.

- Excuse me.

- Eh, oh, Mrs. Ruskin.

Oh!

I mean, [chuckle]

- Mrs. Byington.

Oh, this is such a great pleasure.

You're such a great fan of mine.

Eh, oh, I mean, I'm such a great favorite of yours.

Uh--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi, Mr. Wilson!

Jeepers.

I sure am glad you could come to my party.

He's the one I was telling you about.

He's the best magician in the whole world.

- I'm looking forward to your show.

Magic fascinates me.

- Well, of course, I'm only an amateur.

- What's that?

- That's an amateur.

- You sure are, Mr. Wilson.

But he'd be even better if he had a rabbit.

I asked everybody I know to give me a rabbit from my birthday,

but nobody did.

Not yet anyway. - Yeah.

Well, that's fine, Dennis.

Thank you.

Now, as I was saying, Mrs. Byington--

- She knows a lot of good games.

Don't ya, huh?

What'll we play next?

- How about Farmer in the Dell?

- OK, that's a good idea!

Hey, all you kids, we're gonna play Farmer in the Dell.

And good old Mr. Wilson gets to be the farmer.

- Eh, oh no, Dennis.

I don't want to be the farmer.

Uh, Mrs. Byington, now--

- Sure you do, Mr. Wilson.

- Uh, uh, no , I don't, Dennis.

- OK, how about you, Mrs. Byington?

Will you play with us?

- Why, of course I'll play with you.

But you ought to be the farmer.

You're the birthday boy.

- Eh, Dennis, I-- I have to talk to Mrs. Byington.

- OK, all you kids, pipe down.

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN): Mrs. Byington--

- We're gonna play the Farmer in the Dell.

And I'm gonna be the farmer.

- The farmer in the dell.

Heigh ho the derry-o, the farmer in the dell--

- Mrs. Byington, I'd like to speak--

- The farmer takes a wife-- - Oh well.

All right.

I'll play with you, Dennis, if you want me to.

- Heigh ho the derry-o, the farmer takes a wife.

The wife takes the child.

Heigh ho the derry-o, the wife takes the child.

The child takes the dog.

The child takes the dog--

- Margaret, pick me. - Heigh ho--

- Margaret, Margaret, pick me.

Margaret, pick me.

- The dog takes the cat.

The dog takes the cat.

Heigh ho the derry-o, the dog takes the cat.

- Eh, eh, Mrs. Byington?

- Uh, would you like some punch, Mr. Wilson?

- Uh, no thank you.

Uh, I never indulge before a performance.

[chuckling]

- Mrs. Byington, I have something very important to ask you.

Now, I hope you won't think me presumptuous.

But I hoped you would-- eh, that is to say-- I me-- I me--

[stuttering]

- Would you--

- Yes?

- Give me a glass of punch, please?

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, kids!

Let's play Pin the Tail on the Donkey.

- Oh, Mrs. Byington?

Could I get another picture of you, please?

- Oh, why, of course.

- Right over here, if you wouldn't mind.

- Where.

- If you'll just stand right here.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Warmer! [chattering]

- Eh, Mrs. Byington?

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Colder!

- Yes?

HENRY MITCHELL (OFFSCREEN): Dorothy, we

want you in this one, too.

- Uh, speaking of performances, Mrs. Byington--

- Mr. Wilson, would you move over just-- just a little bit.

Thank you.

Now you squeeze in there, Dorothy.

And Mrs. Wilson.

OK, you're fine.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): You're getting colder, Dennis.

You're getting colder, Dennis.

[laugh] MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Colder.

You're gonna freeze!

[laughter]

- You're gonna freeze!

[laughter]

- Hold it.

MARGARET (OFFSCREEN): Colder.

- Now, everybody say cheese. - Chee--

- Eee! - Oh!

- Jeepers.

- George, are you all right?

Oh, my goodness.

It's all over you.

I'll have to take you in the kitchen and wash it off.

- Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

I thought you were the donkey.

- Well, that's what I am, Dennis.

That's exactly what I am.

I don't mind.

She and me are good friends.

- Never mind, Dear.

Mr. Wilson will ask her himself after the magic show.

Now, pull yourself together, Dear.

Remember, the show must go on.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Oh, boy!

Here's your magic hat, Mr. Wilson.

And here's your magic cane.

Hey, all you kids!

It's time for the magic.

Now we're gonna have some fun! - All right!

Yay!

- Da da da da da da da, da da da duh!

Introducing Mr. Wilson, The Great!

- Yay!

- Thank you, ladies and gentleman and honored guests.

Now for my first example in the art of le jour demain,

shall we say, I shall now take just an ordinary $0.50 piece,

ordinary $0.50 piece, coin of the realm.

Make it disappear.

[drum roll]

AUDIENCE (OFFSCREEN): Ooo!

- Where did it go?

Ah, there it is.

Right here.

AUDIENCE (OFFSCREEN): Ohh.

Ohh. [clapping]

- And now for my next example in the art of prestidigitation

I need the assistance of a young lady.

Margaret?

- I don't want to.

- Uh, would I do?

- Would you?

Oh, why, thank you, Mrs. Byington.

If my charming assistant will step into the cabinet.

Excuse me.

It's very simple, Mrs. Byington.

You just step in the cabinet and squeeze against the back.

- Are you there, oh slave?

If so, speak.

MRS. BYINGTON (OFFSCREEN): Yes, Master.

- Then disappear, old slave, to be recalled by the magic wand.

Abra Cadabra!

AUDIENCE (OFFSCREEN): Ohh!

Ohh!

[laughing]

- And now, return, oh slave.

Abra Cadabra!

Return, oh slave.

Abra Cadabra!

Oh!

Hey, eh, don't worry.

Something's stuck, Mrs. Byington.

I'll have you out of there in a second.

Grrr.

Uh, don't worry.

Just stay calm.

Don't worry.

[mrs. byington gasping]

- Don't--

MRS. BYINGTON (OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson?

- Don't worry!

Don't panic!

[stuttering]

- Help!

[mrs. byington screaming]

- Help!

[mrs. byington screaming]

- Help!

- Stand back.

Yes, stand back.

Uh, but don't worry, Mrs. Binder.

We'll have you out in a minute.

Dennis, go get my screwdriver.

- Let me try.

- Oh, Mrs. Byington, something went wrong.

I don't know what to say.

- It's quite all right, Mr. Wilson.

Just don't say anything!

- Oh.

- I guess you better stick to the rabbits, huh, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh, hello, Tom.

Just a minute.

I'll call him.

- No. I don't want to talk to him.

I don't want to talk to anybody!

- He'll only call back later.

You may as well get it over with.

[sigh]

- What will I say to him?

Oh, Martha, when will I learn to keep my big mouth shut?

Why did I ever mention Spring Byington's name?

[doorbell]

- Oh, don't-- don't let them in. I don't want to see anybody.

MARTHA (OFFSCREEN): Just a minute, please.

- Oh, hello, Tom.

Well, I was just getting ready to call you.

Haha.

Eh well, uh, no.

No good news.

Eh, well, nothing definite, that is.

[doorbell]

- Eh-- oh, oh, yes.

I saw her.

Eh-- well, Tom, the truth of the matter is--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hi, Mrs. Wilson!

- Oh, not that.

Not that on top of everything else.

- Look at the rabbit we got for good old Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, Dennis! Take it away.

Get that thing off me.

- Oh, Mr. Wilson.

I'm so sorry.

Dennis and I thought you'd like it.

TOM (ON PHONE): George? George, are you there?

- Oh, oh, oh, I do, Mrs. Byington.

I'm crazy about it.

I-- this is the cutest little follow I ever saw.

What are you doing here?

And why would you want to give me a rabbit after-- well,

after what happened? TOM (ON PHONE): George?

Hello, George?

- Oh, stop interrupting.

- Well, Dennis told me that you were

going to put on your magic act for the hospital benefit.

And I wondered if you'd be kind enough

to let me act as your assistant?

- You want to be my assistant at the Lodge Benefit?

- If you want me to.

- Why, I--I-- I--I-- I'd be delighted.

Y--you mean it?

- Of course I do.

I think we ought to have a couple of rehearsals first,

don't you?

- Eh, eh-- Tom, I can't talk to you

for the rest of the evening.

Mrs. Spring Byington and I have to rehearse.

[chuckling]

- I told you, you had nothing to worry about.

When did George Wilson ever let you down?

[chuckling]

- Good old Mr. Wilson, huh?

[laughing]

[theme music]

This has been a Screen Gems Film Production from the Hollywood

Studios of Colombia Pictures.