Original subtitles

- Oh, hi, Mom.

- Hi, Dennis.

How was school?

- Gee, swell.

Hey, you know what the kids in the fifth grade

had in their room?

An "ink-a-bator."

- Really?

- Yeah, and you know what they had in it?

Eggs?

And you know what the eggs did?

- [laughs] Yes, I can imagine they hatched.

- Yeah.

And you know what came out?

- Of course I do, Dennis.

- Well, they gave me one.

Can I keep it?

- Oh, I suppose so, as long as you take care of it

and feed it.

- Sure I will.

Have we got any raw meat?

- Raw meat?

- Sure.

That's what you got to feed baby alligators.

[shriek]

[theme music]

- (SINGING) Golden, golden clippers.

Golden, golden clippers.

Bum, da dum bum, ba da dum.

Yat da dee dee dee.

Golden, golden clippers.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hello, Mr. Wilson!

- Great Scott, the day's ruined.

- What are you doing, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, what does it look like I'm doing?

- It looks like you're putting a border on your walk.

- [laughs] You're a bright boy.

You should work for the FBI.

- Aren't you afraid you'll stub your toe when you go barefoot?

- I never go barefoot.

Now Dennis, what did you come in here for?

- I came in to help you with whatever you're doing.

- Oh, Dennis, run along.

Go play with Tommy.

- Tommy's not home yet.

He had to go to the dentist.

- All right, then go play with Joey.

- I can't.

Joey's got the chicken pox, and there's a sign up.

- Well, here, go start a rock collection.

- Jeepers.

I think it's too big for my slingshot.

- That's not what you do with a rock collection.

You just save them.

- Like these rocks for your border.

- No, no, no.

These are all the same.

These rocks are graded carefully as to size and color.

I gathered them myself at the beach.

- Did you go barefoot?

- Oh, good gravy.

Will you please forget about my feet?

Now we're talking about rock collecting.

- Is it sort of like collecting baseball cards?

- Well yes, exactly.

Now doesn't rock collecting sound like fun?

- It sounds, uh, kinda heavy.

- Heavy-- heh, heh.

Dennis, if you could win $1 in a rock collecting contest,

would they seem as heavy?

- Heck no.

- All right, I'll give $1 prize to the boy that

can collect the most different kinds of rocks

during the next week.

- Wow.

- And you've got a head start.

That rock in your hand is granite.

- How'd you know that, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, because I've studies rocks.

And there are hundreds of different kinds.

And I've got the names of most of them right up here.

- Is that Mr. Dorfman said you've got rocks in your head?

- When did he say that?

- Yesterday when he delivered your mail.

Hey, Mr. Wilson, how many more weeks you

going to be getting those mail-order dancing lessons?

- Oh, none of your business.

Now go away, and leave me alone.

MRS WILSON (OFFSCREEN): George, that's no way to talk to him.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

I'm going to start a rock collection.

- Well, go look in the park.

There are lots of them over there.

- Thanks.

You know, Mr. Wilson, you're my best friend.

Bye.

- George, if you want your ad to appear in tomorrow's paper,

you best phone it in.

- Oh, uh, in a minute, Martha.

Yeah, I've been composing it in my mind.

- Well, you better compose a good one.

It will take some ad to sell that piece of property.

- Oh ho ho, no, that's where you're wrong, my dear.

That's a very desirable lot.

- Then why was it so cheap when you bought it?

- Well, I'll tell you why.

It's because of what I've got right up--

- Yeah, well, go ahead.

Never mind It's because I'm a very shrewd businessman.

And the next time Dorfman delivers the mail,

I don't want you offering him any coffee.

- George, what's the matter with you.

Sometimes you act as if you had rocks in your head.

- Great Scott.

(GRUMBLING) Rocks in my head.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

Now I'm one short.

[sigh]

- Hi, Dennis. - Hi, Tommy.

How was the dentist. - Hmm, pretty good.

He had some new comic books.

- Did his finger get healed from the last time?

- Sure, but I bit it again.

Whatcha doing?

- I'm starting a rock collection.

Mr. Wilson's going to give $1 to the kid that

gets the most kinds in a week.

- Boy, I'm gonna start a collection, too.

- You better hurry.

I already got a load home.

I got red ones and black ones and brown ones and shiny ones.

And I found one that might be a ruby.

- A real ruby?

- It might be.

It's either that or a piece of taillight.

- You've had a hard day, dear.

Give me your coat. I'll hang it up for you.

- Oh, I can do that.

- You will not.

You'll go in the living room and stretch out on the couch

until dinner.

[chuckles]

- Honey, you know something? - What?

- Bachelors are idiots.

- Sure.

Do it again.

Heh.

- How was your day?

MOM (OFFSCREEN): Oh, the usual.

I had to call the plumber for that wash basin again.

This time it was modeling clay.

- That boy's got to be disciplined.

- Oh, I spoke to him.

And he said, jeepers, mom, don't you

want me to wash my hands before dinner?

- We can't win.

- No.

Oh, and Henry, he's going to need new shoes.

- What, again?

- Well, he goes through them awfully fast.

- You've heard of the four-minute mile.

Dennis does the four-minute shoes.

But I guess it can't be helped.

Oh, for crying out loud?

- What's the-- oh.

- What are these rocks doing on the sofa?

- Well, I forgot to tell you.

Dennis started a rock collection.

- Well, there are two places I don't want them.

One-- the sofa.

Two-- the drain. - Yes.

- Honey, you remember what I said about bachelors being idiots?

- Yes.

- Maybe we ought to hear their side of the story.

- Yes, this is quite good, Dennis.

Now about that light gray rock I gave you--

- Yeah, that was a swell one.

What kind of rock is that, Mr. Wilson?

- Well, that happens to be quartzite, Dennis.

Now, about that rock--

- What kind is this one?

- Well, that's pegmatite, Dennis.

Now about that rock--

- And what's this one?

- Well, that happens to be quartz.

Now Dennis, about that gray rock I gave you.

- Sure Mr. Wilson.

It was "gram-it."

- I know it.

I want it back.

- Jeepers, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

But you know what you told me about trading them.

Well I already traded it to Tommy.

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

I needed it to finish my border.

- You want this one?

It's about the same size.

- Well, no.

That's black.

- You could paint it.

- Give me that.

That does it.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, you scratched your table.

- Oh, great Scott.

- It's OK.

I won't tell Mrs. Wilson.

- Tell me what?

- Oh, never mind.

Don't ask.

- He didn't mean to do it, Mrs. Wilson.

- Oh, goodbye Dennis.

- Bye, Mrs. Wilson.

- What did you do, George?

- Oh, I scratched the table with his confounded rocks.

- Oh, George, you ought to be more careful.

- Well, you stop worrying about that table

and worry about my sanity.

If that boy comes over here just once more

to have me identify his rocks, I won't be responsible.

- Well, you have only yourself to blame, dear.

You started him on this hobby.

- Well, now I know how Frankenstein

felt when he created the monster.

[doorbell rings]

- Uh-oh, there he is.

He's probably back again.

You get it, Martha.

- Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Could Mr. Wilson look at these rocks for me?

- Well, I don't think this is the time for it.

You better run along, Tommy.

- Why, Martha, what a thing to say.

This dear boy is always welcome.

You just come right in, Tommy.

- Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh, you brought your rock collection with you, eh?

- Sure.

- All of them? - Uh-huh.

- Oh, fine-- fine, fine.

Now, I want to talk to you about that gray rock

that Dennis traded you.

- OK.

- Eh, I don't imagine it's very important to your collection,

is it?

- No.

- [laughs] I'll bet you'd trade it to a good friend,

wouldn't you, dear boy?

- Sure.

I already did, to Eric Mandel.

- Great Scott.

Martha, why do you let these children come in here just

to bother me?

- Oh, George.

[laughs]

- Say, honey, do you remember Charlie Dobbs and the mining

company in my office building?

- Yes.

- Well if I could get Charlie to give me

a couple of samples of gold ore or Dennis's collection,

he'd win.

- Why, that's right.

Oh, and Dennis would be so thrilled.

And I bet he's never even see gold ore.

- Well sure he had.

I showed him some in a museum once.

- Oh, you did.

Well don't mention it to Dennis until you've

sure you can get it from Charlie.

There's no sense in disappointing him.

- OK.

If I can get it, we'll make it a big surprise.

- Wonderful.

- Oh, Martha, listen to this.

Residential lot for sale-- a fabulous 60

by 120 feet of beauty and charm.

For the fastidious person wanting country living

in the city, this is a real buy.

Well, what do you think of it?

- Well, it sounds wonderful.

Now that's the kind of a lot you should have invested in.

- Oh, Martha, this is my ad.

- You should be ashamed.

Beauty and charm indeed-- why it's

nothing but dirt, rocks, weeds, tin cans, and old automobile

tires.

I don't like it.

Lift your feet.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hello, Mr. Wilson!

- [sigh] Oh, Great Scott.

Another miserable day has started.

- No, George, you be nice to him.

He's very fond of you.

- Well I'd rather have a boa constrictor fond of me.

- OK if I come in?

- Of course, Dennis.

- I got some new rocks to show you, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh.

I think I'll go up and take a nap.

- George, i only 9 o'clock in the morning.

- Well, it feels like midnight.

- Here I am again, Mr. Wilson.

- Yes, in a haunted house. - George.

- And the groans you hear are coming from me.

- Have you got a tummy ache, Mr. Wilson?

- I've got a pain, Dennis, but it's not in my stomach.

All right, let's see the rocks.

Well, this is a pegmatite.

You've got that one.

And this is quartzite.

You've already got that one.

And this is granite.

You've got that one.

There's nothing new here.

- Jeepers, I've run out of places to look.

And all us kids are getting the same time of rock.

- Well, good.

Just forget about the rock collecting and run along.

Uh-- oh, uh, wait a minute.

Uh, Dennis-- Dennis, little friend.

Good old Mr. Wilson is going to do something for you,

something wonderful.

- What are you going to do, Mr. Wilson?

- Heh heh.

Well, I'm going to tell you about a secret place I know

where there are all kinds of rocks.

- Gee, you're the best friend any kid ever had.

- Ho, ho. That's true, Dennis.

- George Wilson, you can just make your own lunch today.

- Where is this swell place, Mr. Wilson?

- It's his empty lot.

- It's on the corner of Orange Road and Walnut.

Now, do you think you can find it all right?

- Oh, sure.

Me and dad have been by you're lot plenty of times.

I'm going home right now and ask for permission.

Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

Bye.

- Bye, Dennis. [laughs gleefully]

- Good morning, Henry.

- Good morning, Charlie.

I came in to ask you a favor.

- Shoot.

- Well, My little boy, Dennis, has started a rock collection.

And I-- I just wondered if you might

happen to have some gold ores samples.

- (LAUGHING) Oh, do I have samples.

Here, look. Heh heh heh.

- My gosh.

I'd think you'd keep that stuff in a vault.

- Ha. No, it's worthless.

- Gold?

Worthless?

- Oh, there's gold in it, of course, but not enough

to pay for transporting or processing.

Ever since that strike last year at Round Hill,

the country's been swarming with prospectors.

And when an amateur prospector gets

a hold of a sample like this, he goes crazy.

- Well, what do you do?

- Well, we send him a polite no thank note

and put the sample in this box.

When the box is full, the janitor

empties it in the trash can.

- Well, I'd be glad to save the janitor the trouble.

Dennis would get a big kick out of these samples.

- Here, take it, please.

- Thank you, Charlie.

Wait till I tell him.

Heh heh.

Well, say, if you've got another minute,

I know he's like to thank you himself.

- Sure.

[phone rings]

- Hello.

Oh, Henry.

No, Dennis just left.

- Oh, darn.

I-- I wanted to tell him, I've got a whole carton

of gold ore samples for his collection.

- Oh, you just missed him by about half a minute.

He went over to Mr. Wilson's empty lot to collect rocks.

- Well, I'm come home for lunch, and I'll-- I'll give him

the gold ore then.

Yeah, so a tuna fish sandwich will be fine, dear.

Bye.

- Missed him.

- Yes, he's out collecting rocks on a vacant lot.

Say, you what'd give Dennis a real thrill?

If he could find this ore himself.

- Like I told you, people go crazy.

- I'm going to get out to that lot ahead of him

and spread this ore around.

And if I don't miss my guess, I'm

going to start a bad case of gold fever

among half the kids in this town.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Don't tell me you want to throw our money away on this?

- Well, at least it can't be an expensive lot,

and we'd have enough money left over to build a house.

- Look, if you'll only let me invest our money my way--

- Joe, no.

- I've got a good hot tip on some good oil stock.

- You and your hot tips have kept us

in crummy apartments for 20 years.

- Well-- - Hi.

- Hi, Kid.

What you doing?

Cleaning up the lot?

- Heck no.

I'm collecting rocks.

- Oh. - And look what I found-- gold.

- And look what I found-- gold. - Yeah?

- That's very nice, little boy.

- Hey.

Is there much of this around here?

- Sure, it's all over the place.

- Yeah? - Bye.

- Bye.

Harriet, that was gold.

- Joe Schubert, you're just being silly again.

- Yeah?

Come here.

Look. - Come on.

Let's get to a phone.

[music playing]

- Why, fine, Mr. Schubert.

Yes, you and your wife come right over.

I've at 625 Elm Street.

Oh, that's fine.

I'll be expecting you in a few minutes.

Heh heh.

Goodbye.

Martha.

[laughs] Hallelujah, eureka.

- George Wilson, what's gotten into you?

- Martha-- so my ad wouldn't do the job, hey?

Well for your information, a Mr. and Mrs. Schubert

have seen the lot already, love it,

and are coming right over to close a deal.

- Now George, don't exaggerate.

Your ad didn't mention any price.

No, no, no, Martha.

I swear that's what they said, close a deal.

I think I'll ask for $1,500.

- Well you'll never get it, never in the world.

[music playing]

- Well, Martha, where are they?

- I don't know, George.

Maybe they got lost.

- Well if they did, it's your fault.

- My fault?

- Yes, you wouldn't let me wait out on the curb.

[doorbell rings]

- There they are now, Martha.

You get the door.

Oh.

- Why are you turning on the television set.

- Well, I'm-- I wan to look casual.

- Oh, that's silly.

- Oh, I-- I guess you're right.

I'll pretend I'm asleep.

- George Wilson, you sit up. [doorbell rings]

[telephone rings]

- Oh-- all right.

Well, you get the door while I get the telephone.

[phone rings]

- Hello.

Yes.

Timken?

Oh, you've seen the lot.

Oh, why, yes, Mr. Timken.

I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

I'm at 625 Elm Street.

Fine.

I'll be expecting you.

- George, this is Mr. and Mrs. Schubert.

- Well how do you do?

- How do you do, Mr. Wilson?

How do you do?

- I called about the lot.

We'd have been here sooner, but I had a flat. [laughs]

- Oh, yes.

Heh heh.

I imagine you saw my ad.

- Oh, yes.

Your ad made us see the lot as it looked

after a little work and a lot of love have been poured into it.

[laughs] - It was a beautiful ad.

- You see, Martha.

You're very kind.

- Won't you sit down.

- Oh, thank you.

- Ahem.

Ah, well-- ahem.

Well?

- Now Mr. Wilson, what is your bottom price for the property?

- $2,000.

- George.

- That's an awful lot of money.

- Well, I have a number of people interested.

And if you're not--

- That's all right, Mr. Wilson, $2,000.

- Oh, George, isn't that wonderful.

- Uh, now just minute, Martha.

Um, uh, I said that was my bottom price.

But inasmuch as there are other interests, you see--

- $2,500?

- Take it, George, take it.

- Martha, will you control yourself?

My sense of fair play won't let me

close a deal until that other caller gets here and has

a chance to, heh heh, bid up the price.

- Well, uh, if you'll close the deal this very minute,

we'll bid, uh, $5,000.

- $5,000?

- We'll take it.

- We will not.

- Oh, George.

[doorbell rings]

- Tell me, Mr. Schubert, why are you so anxious to buy my lot?

- Well, because it's, uh-- um-- oh, 60

by 120 feet of beauty and charm.

- It's country living in the city.

- (SCOFFING) Why, that's silly.

That's what my ad said.

- But it's true.

- Great Scott.

- Mr. Timken, this is my husband.

- Oh.

- How do you? - Heh heh.

- And Mr. and Mrs. Schubert. - How do you do?

- How do you do?

- Well, this is a pleasure, Mr. Timken.

- Uh, you're the gentleman who phoned me about my lot.

- Now wait just a minute.

Mr. Timken, if you don't mind, I am discussing business

with Mr. Wilson.

- If it concerns his lot, I want to be in on the discussion,

too.

- Well, now, isn't this pleasant.

- I am prepared to offer $1,000.

- Mr. Timken, you aren't in the discussion yet.

- Well I might go to $1,100.

- Mr. Schubert, if you have your checkbook with you,

we can get right down to business.

- Fine, Mr. Wilson.

- How much is he offering?

- $5,000.

- Well, I can't touch that.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson.

Come here.

Look what I found on your lot.

- Uh, not now, Dennis.

- No, not now.

Uh-- uh, go away, little boy. Just a minute.

I'll sign the check.

- But it's gold.

- What?

Let me see.

- We've got a deal, Wilson.

Here.

Now don't try to back out of it now.

- Why, great Scott.

Why, it is gold.

Dennis, you're a good little friend.

Well, Mr. Schubert, under the circumstances, $5,000

is a little inadequate, don't you think?

[music playing]

- Hi honey.

- Oh, Henry-- Henry, the darnedest thing happened.

Dennis won't need your ore samples after all.

He just found some actual gold ore on Mr. Wilson's vacant lot.

- (LAUGHING) Of course.

I put it there so he'd have the fun of finding it.

- You did?

(LAUGHING) Oh, well, you certainly fooled Dennis.

He is so thrilled.

He just went over to Mr. Wilson's to show them to him.

- Uh-oh, that could mean trouble.

You know how Mr. Wilson's imagination runs away with him.

I'd better get over there before anything happens.

- And so Mr. Schubert, I have no alternative but to,

uh, tear up your check.

I plan to form a mining syndicate, however.

Shares, no doubt, will be on the market.

Perhaps you can buy a few with your $5,000

and thus have a minimal ownership.

- Excuse, Mr. Wilson, could I speak to you for a moment,

please? - Oh, why of course, Mitchell.

Come right in.

- Well, uh, I-- I mean out here.

It's about your lot.

- Oh, but I have no secrets from these people.

They know all about my lot.

- Well, good.

I just want to talk to you about the gold Dennis found.

- Well now, don't you worry.

I'll see that Dennis gets his share.

- Of course. He gets 50%.

- Oh now, Martha.

- The point is, Mr. Wilson, there isn't any gold.

I put those samples there myself so that Dennis

would have the thrill of finding them for his rock collection.

- Oh no.

- Gee, dad. Thanks.

Wasn't that swell of him, Mr. Wilson.

- Martha, bring me the cellophane tape.

- It won't be legal, Wilson.

Come on, Harriet.

- Well, Mr. Timken, what are you waiting for?

You heard what he said. There's no gold on the property.

- I knew that, Mr. Wilson.

I'm a mining engineer.

But I'm still ready to buy your property for $1,000.

- You-- I'll take it.

- You're doing the right thing, dear.

At least you won't lose any money.

- Except the $1 you owe me.

- Dennis, not now.

- Huh? What dollar?

- For winning your rock contest.

I'm so far ahead that all the other kids have quit.

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

Here.

[sigh] Say, tell me something, Mr. Timken.

You were attracted by my ad, weren't you?

- Yes, I was, Mr. Wilson.

Whenever I see a flowery ad like yours,

I suspect it's a perfect place for me

to open another sand and gravel pit.

- Great Scott.

Nothing's turned out right today.

- Sure it has, Mr. Wilson.

I got your rock back from Eric Mandel.

- Why Dennis, that was very nice of you.

Why is it so sticky?

- I don't know, 'less it's 'cause Eric

was eating a jelly sandwich.

[laughter]

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.