Original subtitles

- What are you doing, dear?

- Looking for something.

There is this swell magician on TV, and you know what he did?

- No.

What did he do?

- He took a pair of sunglasses and wrapped them up

in a handkerchief and beat them flat with a hammer.

- Oh, my goodness!

- And when he opened the handkerchief,

they weren't even broken.

- Isn't that amazing?

- I'm going to go show Tommy how he did it.

I'll give your sunglasses back when the trick's over, Mom!

- Dennis!

De-- Dennis, you come back here!

[theme music]

- Gee, you have?

A real goat, Mickey?

- Oh, sure!

I got all kinds of pets, Dennis.

- You sure are lucky.

My folks said I could have a pet someday, if he's a little pet.

- I'll sell you one of my snakes.

They're little.

- I don't think my mom would let me have a snake.

I took one in to show her last year,

she dropped a lemon pie on her foot.

- Hey, I know what you can have.

Come on down to my house.

I've got just the pet for you.

- Hi, Clarence.

- Mickey Haskell gave him to me.

Isn't he a swell pet? - Yeah.

Do you think your folks will let you keep him?

- I'm sure they will, I think.

My mom said I could have a hamster some day.

- Let me get a better look at him.

- OK.

- I didn't know a hamster looked like that.

- I didn't either.

But Mickey got him from some other kid.

And the other kid said he was a hamster.

So that's what he is, all right.

- Sure has big teeth, hasn't he?

What does he it?

- Mickey says he eats weeds and roots and stuff.

- We got some swell weeds in our yard, if you need any.

- Heck, no, Tommy.

We got the tallest weeds in town back of our garage.

My mom said so.

- I sure hope you can keep him.

- When I get home, I'll leave him out in the yard, while I go in

and ask her.

Mom gets kind of nervous when I surprise her.

- Isn't he swell?

- Yeah.

Hey, Mom, I'm home!

- Dennis, don't slam--

- How's the best mom in the whole world feeling today?

- The best mom in the whole world is

feeling a little suspicious at the moment.

Why do you ask?

- Well, I was just thinking.

And I remember that you said someday

I could have a pet, right?

- (STAMMERS) Well, yes, ss-- someday.

- But we'll have to find the right kind of pet, son.

- Mickey Haskell's got a swell goat, with a beard down to here

and horns up to here.

- No, Dennis, no goats.

- Of course, not. - Oh, I don't want a goat.

Goats are too big.

I just like to have some kind of little-bitty pet

that wouldn't be any trouble to anybody.

- That's the only kind.

- Like a little hamster, maybe?

- Well, we talked about that once before.

You know, a hamster might be just the thing.

- Well, as long as we don't get a pair.

That's about 12 too many.

Well, I guess, one hamster ought to be OK.

- Oh, boy!

I knew you'd let me keep him.

His name is Clarence.

And he's awful smart.

He's outside in a cage.

And that's what Mickey said he is, all right-- a hamster!

Come on!

Come on! - Huh?

- I left his cage out here in the yard

because Mom doesn't like animals in the house sometimes.

- What a shrewd move. - Uh.

- You'll be crazy about him, Mom, because-- Dad, look,

my hamster's gone.

Somebody kidnapped him. - Honey--

- Here's how he got out, son.

He just chewed a hole right through the cage.

- Oh, that's a shame.

- Gee, I told him I'd only be a minute.

- But don't worry about it, honey.

He'll probably come right back. - That's right, son.

We'll leave the cage outside here and put some food in it.

When he gets hungry-- - I'll go look for him all over.

I just got to find him.

Hey, maybe he's in the backyard.

Here, Clarence!

- Hello, Alice, Mitchell.

Just stopped to remind you not to forget our fishing trip.

- Huh, forget it?

I can't think of anything else.

I've arranged to take Friday off.

- Oh, fine.

- Oh, it'll do you both good to get away for a few days.

- Oh, I can hardly wait, Alice.

- If you see Clarence any place, Mr. Wilson, call me right away,

will you?

- If I see, who?

- Oh, we've had a minor tragedy.

- Dennis brought home a pet hamster.

And the little fellow got away somehow.

- Oh, that's too bad.

Well, I better be running along.

Mrs. Wilson's waiting for me at the drugstore.

I'll see you later.

- I never would have thought a hamster could

chew a hole like this, would you?

- Well, come to think of it, no.

- Look at those sticks.

It's just like they were cut with a hand axe.

Dennis?

Dennis, come here a minute.

- Did you find him yet, Dad?

- Not yet, son.

Tell me, uh, what kind of teeth did this pet of yours have?

I-- I mean were they big?

- Yeah. He's got swell teeth, Dad.

Two of them right in front.

Boy, do they look sharp.

- Ahem, uh-oh.

I tell you what, son.

Let's you and I go in and look at our animal book.

Maybe you can show me a picture of his, uh, hamster?

- OK, Dad.

- My, the yard is pretty, George.

I'm so proud of it.

- Yes, I think I've done pretty well with it, Martha,

in spite of everything.

- It's hard work.

- Oh, I guess I battled of every type of garden pest known

to man-- aphids, corn borers, Dennis, cutworms,

plant lice, Dennis.

- Poor little Dennis, you're pretty hard on him, George.

- Oh, I guess I am at that sometimes, Martha.

He is a well-meaning little fellow, I think.

- I'll take these in the house.

- All right, dear. Aah.

No!

Gophers!

Martha! Martha!

- What is it, George?

What's the matter?

- Martha, do you know what I've got in this yard?

A gopher!

- Oh, no.

They're so destructive.

- Awful!

Why, one gopher could ruin this entire yard in a week,

if I let him.

- Oh, dear.

- He just swallowed a delphinium this long,

just like a strand of spaghetti!

Look, there's his hole.

- I hope you catch him.

- You bet I'll catch him.

I'll get that little vandal out of there

if I have to tunnel him out through with my bare hands!

- What are you doing Mr. Wilson?

Saying your prayers?

- Of course not.

But I may need prayer before I'm through.

- Mr. Wilson, I'm afraid we have some rather bad news.

- You've got bad news?

Wait till you hear mine.

I've got a gopher in my yard!

- Oh, dear, already.

- Where is he, Mr. Wilson?

That's Clarence!

That's my little hamster.

He's a gopher.

- What?

- The more we heard about him, the less

he sounded like a hamster.

- Uh, Dennis picked out his picture.

This.

- That's a good picture of him, Mrs. Wilson.

He sure got pretty teeth, hasn't he?

- Never mind, Dennis.

- Mitchell, there hasn't been a gopher in this end of town

for years.

Nobody has gophers in their yard.

Why does he pick on me?

- I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Wilson, but Dennis

thought it was a hamster.

- You see, he got it from some little boy

on the other side of town.

- Great Scott!

Now, Dennis is going clear across town

to find trouble for me.

- Gophers are not pets, Tommy.

- They're not?

Gee, they sure look like pets.

- No, sir.

A gopher is a wild animal.

He isn't happy in a cage.

He's supposed to live out in the woods.

My dad said so.

- And what are we going to do about it?

- What we got to do, Tommy, is catch old Clarence right away.

Because Dad says the minute they get him out

of Mr. Wilson's flowers, he'll take me down to the pet store

and buy me a hamster.

A real one!

- Oh, boy!

You think we can catch him?

- Heck, yes!

I know a way to build a dandy trap.

Come on to our garage!

- We'll get him, Mr. Wilson.

The minute he sticks his nose in this trap--

- What?

Oh, I won't sleep a wink tonight.

- Oh, George, you do need that trip to the lake.

I wish you boys could leave right now.

- Now?

Huh!

We won't even be able to leave Thursday

if we haven't trapped this gopher by then.

Why, I wouldn't enjoy a minute of it!

- No, I guess you wouldn't.

- Why, I'd soon go off and leave my house on fire

as to leave a gopher in my flower beds.

- I-- I know what you mean.

[sighs]

Well, I'm not worried about it.

We'll have him by tomorrow morning.

See you later, Mrs. Wilson.

- All right, Mitchell.

- Well, I'll go and get dinner started.

- All right, dear.

- Pitch it right here, Tommy.

This is a good place for a gopher.

- Dennis!

What are you doing?

- Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson!

- Get that thing out of my flower bed.

What is this anyhow?

- It's our gopher trap.

- Me and Tommy are going to catch our little gopher for you.

- Well, don't bother.

I'll catch it.

- Oh, it isn't any bother.

- No, we like to catch things.

- Well, you just catch him somewhere else.

Not in my flower bed.

- OK.

We'll catch him here on your lawn!

You know how this works, Mr. Wilson?

When old Clarence gets hungry tonight,

he'll come out and eat this big, fat carrot.

- Sure.

And that pulls the stick and the box falls down.

- Right.

And tomorrow, when we look, he'll be in there.

Then my Dad will buy me a hamster.

- Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

Any luck?

- Oh, hello, Mitchell.

No, no luck with that one over there.

The little devil sprung it again last night, got away clean.

- Oh, gosh.

Well, maybe that one will be luckier.

- Look at this.

Sprung, too.

You know, that gopher is no fool.

He's a diabolical genius.

- He certainly is.

- [sighs]

He's got, uh, an appetite like an army

mule and a set of teeth like a buzz saw.

Just look at these flowers-- ruined.

- Tomorrow's Thursday.

- Gee, Tommy.

He isn't in there.

- Maybe Mrs. Elkins' old cat scared him away.

- I don't think Clarence is afraid of cats.

- I thought sure we'd catch him by now.

- He's pretty smart, all right.

I bet he's just hiding some place,

just watching us right now.

- Where do you think he's hiding?

- Well, the best place to hide around here is under the house.

You see him now?

- No.

[thump]

- Tommy, look!

Our trap! He's in there!

We got Clarence!

- Don't touch it! Don't pick it up.

He might get away.

- He's in here.

Don't touch him.

I'll go get Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson! Mr. Wilson!

Come quick, Mr. Wilson!

[bangs on door]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): We got him, Mr. Wilson!

[bangs on door]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson!

We got him in our trap, Mr. Wilson!

- Are you sure?

Oh, this is the best news yet.

Now, Tommy, get away.

Don't touch it!

- Mr. Wilson-- - Oh.

- that--

- I hope this isn't a false alarm, boys.

I couldn't stand it.

- Can you see him?

He's in there, all right.

- Dennis, it's not the gopher.

It's Mrs. Elkins' old cat.

- It is?

Uh-oh.

- Oh, I see him.

I see him.

My, he's a big son of a gun.

ELKINS (OFFSCREEN): Meow, here, kitty-kitty, kitty-kitty,

kitty-kitty.

Here, kitty-kitty, kitty-kitty, kit--

- I think we better go play over at your house today, Tommy.

ELKINS (OFFSCREEN): Here, kitty Here, kitty-kitty.

Here, Tinker Bell.

Oh, Mr. Wilson, have you seen my kitten, little Tinker Bell?

- No, Mrs. Elkins, I haven't seen the little Tinker at all.

- Here, kitty-kitty.

[cat meows]

- Oh, when-- - What?

Oh!

All the contemptible, mean-- why,

I ought to have you arrested!

- What? Why, I, uh--

- Why, everybody knows you hate animals and children, Mr.

Wilson. But--

But-- - I do not any--

- The-- - such thing!

- idea of trapping a poor, defenseless little kitten.

- I didn't even set this trap.

The boys set the trap.

Dennis, will you explain--

Dennis!

Dennis?

Where did he go?

- Yes, that's right.

Blame poor little Dennis.

Well, believe me, all my friends will hear about this!

- Fine!

Get all your friends together and send them both over here.

Maybe they can help me catch my gopher.

Hope she falls off her broom.

- We probably should have done this in the first place.

- Oh, yeah.

Merrivale says this is the only way to do it.

Flush him out with a garden hose.

- Well, it'll be worth the dollar we

paid to rent this silly cage if we can get the gopher into it.

- [laughs]

- Well, I've got this section covered.

- Ah, good.

I'll flush him out from this end.

And when he comes out into this cage, ha-ha!

We got him!

- This ought to get results.

- Oh, sure!

Yeah, the water goes in this hole,

and the gopher comes out this end.

That's all there is to it.

- He-he, he's in trouble this time.

I-- I expect he knows it by now.

- You know, I'm going to wait right here where

I can watch this cage till this thing is over.

- Well, it shouldn't be long.

- Oh, sir, we've really got him cornered this time.

I don't know why I didn't think of this yesterday.

- Ha-ha, well, I've got to go over to the house

and make a phone call.

Let me know when it happens.

- Oh, I'll fire off a 16-gun salute

when I catch this gopher, Mitchell.

Don't worry.

I'll let you know.

Well, you little-- got you now.

Well, now, where the Dickens is that water going?

I suppose the-- I wonder-- huh.

Well, now-- What, now, where is it going?

[gushing water]

- Great Scott!

It's-- oh, ho! Ha-ha!

I got him!

Martha!

Oh, she went downtown. Mitchell!

I'll call Mitchell.

- You have?

Oh, that's great, Mr. Wilson.

He caught the gopher.

- Wonderful!

- I-- I thought it would work.

Huh?

Not in the cage?

Well, how?

- We'll open it for you, Mrs. Wilson.

- We can open it!

- Help me, Tommy.

Clarence!

Clarence! Clarence!

Clarence!

- And you slammed the garage door, ha?

Ah-ha! Great!

Congratulations.

- Does Dennis know Mr. Wilson's caught him?

- Yeah, yeah.

I'll be over to help you put him in the cage.

And then we'll decide what to do with him.

And tomorrow, Lake Bailey! - Ha-ha!

And by golly, am I ready, he-he.

I'll bet those fish are jumping like fleas.

Why there's one big fellow up there

that must weigh about 15 pounds.

- Mr. Wilson!

Guess-- guess what? - Just a minute, Mitchell.

What is it, Dennis?

- Mr. Wilson--

- Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson?

Hello?

Hello!

- Oh, what's the matter?

What happened?

- I don't know.

All of a sudden, he just went sort of incoherent.

Gave a little moan, and the line went dead.

- Gee, Dennis.

I never did see a grown man cry before.

- Good old Mr. Wilson.

Hey, maybe we ought to tell him about our discovery.

That ought to cheer him up.

- Yeah, that will be a swell surprise for him.

- Boy, just look at that.

I'll bet Mr. Wilson's got the only house in town

with a spring right in the patio.

- Well, I might as well put this stuff away.

Boy, I was sure looking forward to that trip.

- I know, honey, it's a shame.

Do you suppose we'll ever catch that gopher?

- Frankly, I don't know.

He must have, at least, 15 holes in that yard by now.

And he's much too smart for a trap.

We may have to send for an exterminator.

- We got him, Dad!

I'm going to tell Tommy!

- What did he say?

- It sounded like, "we got him."

You don't suppose--

- Dennis?

Dennis!

He's gone. Let's go over to Wilson's.

- Well, there he is, Martha.

Ha!

At last. [chuckles] - My, he's little, George.

I thought he'd be--

- The battle is over, huh?

- Oh, yes.

I just caught him a little while ago, Mitchell.

Ho-ho-ho!

He was a tricky little devil, but I outsmarted him.

- I thought you found him in that trap the boys built.

The one with the box, and--

- Ooh, uh, well, I did.

But, uh, well, why was he in the boy's trap?

Because I flooded all his other tunnels so completely,

he couldn't go anywhere else, that's why.

- That's out-thinking him.

- Ho-ho.

When you pit a wild animal-- cunning

as he is-- against the brain of civilized man, Mitchell,

there can only be one outcome.

- Yes, water in the basement.

- I had no idea they were such interesting little creatures,

Mrs. Wilson.

- Yes, look at him, Alice.

Isn't he cute?

- He's cute.

He's dandy.

- Cute?

Do you realize that little vermin

has eaten $17 worth of my flowers?

- in three days!

- Look at him, George, look!

I think he's smiling at you.

- Oh, Martha.

Wild animals can't smile.

You know that.

- Well, it looked like a smile.

- Probably, a touch of indigestion.

- Huh!

He certainly earned it.

Ate enough of my dahlia bulbs to give a heartburn to a horse.

- He won't be eating any more.

By the way, there was something I

wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Wilson.

- All right, what is it, Mitchell?

- Well, ahem, after we dispose of the gopher,

how about you and I going up to Lake

Bailey for this evening for a little fishing?

- Oh, ha-ha!

- Hi, everybody!

See, Tommy, that's Clarence, see?

- Hi, Clarence.

- Well, no, not too close, boys.

Get away from the cage.

- You know where you're going, Clarence?

You're going for a long ride out in the country where

you have the whole big woods to live in out there.

- That's what I told Dennis we'd do with him.

Take him out in the country some place and turn him loose.

- Well, fair enough.

Good idea, Mitchell.

I'll go get my coat and ride out with you right now.

- Oh, you and Mr. Wilson don't have to bother, Dad.

Tommy and I have got it all fixed.

- What do you mean "all fixed"?

- There's this great, big truck parked

across the street at the park from our house.

- And the driver is eating his lunch.

He'll be leaving in a few minutes.

- And he's going to take Clarence and let him out way out

in the country for us.

Isn't that swell?

- That sounds like a solution to everything, George.

- Why, yes.

Come on, Mitchell.

Lets go talk to the man, ha?

- The sooner this is over, the happier I'll be.

- We'll all be.

- Especially me.

And you know when I'll be happier, Mom?

When I get my very own hamster.

- Dennis, first thing in the morning,

you and I go out and buy one-- cage and all.

- Oh, boy!

- [laughs]

- Hey, Dad!

Wait a minute!

I didn't tell Clarence goodbye!

- [both laugh]

- (SINGING) Param-param, teedee, param, tadah.

Oh, just leave all that stuff on the curb, Mitchell.

I'll pack it.

Oh boy, I feel wonderful.

- We ought to sleep good tonight.

That great mountain air!

- He-he.

- Oho, Dennis.

- Boy, it sure is dark with that hat.

- Here's the food to eat on the way.

- Wonderful!

- Fried chicken and coconut cake with potato salad, Mrs. Wilson?

- Why, yes.

How did you know?

- That's what Mom cooked for them.

She said she just bet you wouldn't cook the same thing,

too.

- Oh, ha-ha-ha.

Don't you worry.

We'll eat it all.

- You bet.

Ha-ha.

- Well, I think this is just about everything.

[car horn honks] MICKEY (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Dennis!

Come here, will you?

- Would you look at all this stuff

they're taking for only two days?

- It looks like an African safari.

- Well, we like to be comfortable.

When Mitchell and I rough it, we rough it in style, don't we?

- Give that here. Let me help you.

- Hey, Dad, guess what?

Mickey Haskell was down at the service station.

And this big truck stopped for gas.

And Mickey saw my little gopher on the front seat.

- Oh, good.

Then he'll be all right.

- Yeah.

And Mickey brought him back to me

because he thought I wanted it. Look!

So you and Mr. Wilson can take him to Lake Bailey with you

and leave him there.

- Yeah, I guess that's the best thing.

We'll take him along and leave him at Lake Bailey.

- What?

- Leave who at Lake Bailey?

- He's back, the gopher.

- What?

The gopher?

Where? - Oh!

[clangs]

- Oh, no!

Great Scott!

[theme music]

NARRATOR: This has been a Screen Gems film production

from the Hollywood studios of Columbia Pictures.