Original subtitles

- Boy, I sure do wish I could shave.

- You will one day.

- Really?

- Of course.

- Can I start today?

- No.

- Tomorrow?

- No.

- The next day?

- No. - The next day?

- Dennis, no.

- Then when?

- Oh, when you get some whiskers.

- Will I have some whiskers the next week?

- No.

- The next week?

- No.

- The next, next week?

- Dennis, no.

- Well when?

- Oh, about 12 years.

- By that time I probably won't even be interested.

[theme song]

- Tell Dennis I'll bring him a present from Chicago.

- He'll be so disappointed he didn't

get a chance to say good bye.

- I hate it--

- What on Earth?

- Dennis.

- Boy, it worked!

- Dennis, why on Earth did you do a thing like that?

- It's a burglar alarm for while Dad's away on his trip.

All I do is tie the string--

- I see.

But I don't think you have to worry about burglars.

Besides, I'll only be gone for two or three days.

- Yeah, but Mom gets scared at night.

It'll be OK, Mom. 'Cause if any crooks run into my burglar

alarm, I'll come downstairs and hit them with something.

And you won't even have to get up.

- That's very nice of you, dear.

But we'll talk about it later.

Right now your father has to get to the office.

I thought he was going on a trip?

- I am, son.

But I'll spend most of the day in the office.

Then I'll take the train right from there.

- You got a train that goes from your office?

- Well, I'll let your mother answer

that question after I'm gone. [horn honks]

- Taxi's here, honey.

- Good bye.

- Bye, darling.

Bye son, you take good care of your mother, now.

- I sure will, Dad.

- Good.

Gee, honey, I'd give anything if I

could be here for your birthday tomorrow.

- Oh, as I said before, dear, don't worry about it.

These things can't be helped.

- Yeah, but you shouldn't be alone on your birthday.

- And this darn trip came up in such a hurry,

I didn't have a chance to buy you a gift.

- You just take care of yourself.

That's the only gift I need.

- It is?

- Ah, honey, you know, I almost forgot my overcoat.

- Oh, I'll get it.

- Son, I'll send your mother some flowers from the office.

And you take this, and-- and you go down

and buy her a little present from you.

- Gee whiz, Dad, that's only going

to be two presents for her.

- I know, but I'll bring her a present from Chicago.

Now you see that she has a nice birthday.

You know what I mean.

- Sure, Dad.

This'll be the neatest birthday good ole Mom ever had.

- Good boy.

Thank you, darling. [horn honks]

- I guess I'd better run.

- Bye, then. - Bye, dear.

- Bye, dear. - Bye, Dad.

- Good bye, dear.

- Ugh, see ya.

- There, I've got it.

There's your gum, Tommy.

- How much money is that?

- Well, this is the dollar my Dad gave me,

and this is the dollar my Grandpa sent me

for having the chicken pox.

And this nickel, and these two pennies, I saved myself.

- Boy, that sure is a lot of money.

- Yeah.

how many presents do you think I could

buy my Mom with all of this money, Tommy?

- You gonna spend it all on her? - Yeah.

I wanna get a whole bunch of presents,

on account of it's no fun just opening one.

- What's your dad gonna get her?

- Flowers.

- Flowers are no good for a present.

- I know, I was just going to tell him,

but just then he had to get in a taxi.

- Well how many presents you gonna buy her, Dennis?

- I don't know.

Maybe 20.

- Boy, 20 sure is a lot of presents.

- Yeah.

- I bet you she wouldn't care if you got a water pistol

or something for you, and 19 presents for her.

- Yeah, well-- nope.

I'm gonna get 20 presents, all for her.

- Gee whiz, Dennis, how come?

- Well, maybe because I like her.

- Yeah, me too.

You think she'd like it if I got her a candy bar for a present?

- Sure.

You got a nickel? - Uh uh.

But I know where there's a pop bottle.

- Come on, Tommy.

- (SINGING) When Johnny comes marching home again.

True-la, True-la.

When Johnny comes marching home again-- who's there?

- It's us, Mr. Wilson.

- My only hope is some day he'll grow up and go away to college.

- What?

- Nothing.

Now, you may not watch me paint, you may not help me paint,

you may not stir the paint with a stick, and most of all,

you may not test the paint to see if it's wet.

- Gee, why'd Mr. Wilson say all that?

- Sometimes he answers your stuff before you even ask him.

- Oh.

- All right boys, I'm busy.

Now what do you want?

- We want to ask you how we can get to some place.

- Some place away from here? - Uh-huh.

- Well fine, I'm all ears.

- Gee, no you're not Mr. Wilson.

- If you were all ears, you couldn't smell stuff.

- Yeah.

- Heh, yes, well-- well where'd you want to go?

- Well, tomorrow's my mom's birthday.

And my Dad went on a trip.

- So Dennis is going to give her the best birthday she ever had.

Boy. - Hmm.

- But we don't know where there's a good department

store so we can buy the presents.

- Well, there are lots of them.

There's uh Dennison's, Lacy's.

- Yeah, except we're not allowed to cross the street.

- Hmm.

Well that is a problem, isn't it?

How about Finch's?

- Is that a good one?

- Well, actually it's a drug store,

but they have all kinds of gifts,

and you don't have to cross any streets to get there.

Uh, I'll tell you how to get there,

you just go right down to the next corner, turned right,

go down another block, turn right again.

- Gee, that sure sounds a long ways off.

- Yeah.

My Mom cries if I get lost.

- And if I get lost, my Mom won't have any birthday at all.

- All you do is turn two corners, how in the world

could you possibly get lost?

- Real easy.

- It's up to you, Dennis.

Although it seems to me I've seen you at Finch's many times

with your mother.

- Hey, is that the one with the yellow front to it, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, that's the one.

- Oh, sure.

I know how to get there.

All you do is climb over Mr. Wilson's fence.

Then you go down the alley, then you go through Margaret's yard.

- Yeah, and then you go through that lady's yard

that has all them goofy cats.

- Yeah.

And then you go through that man's driveway

that always yells at kids.

Then you go through the vacant lot,

and that's where the store is.

Gee, thanks Mr. Wilson.

- Well, now that you've simplified the trip,

you better get started.

- OK.

Oh, can Tommy have that pop bottle that's in your garage?

- Oh, yes I suppose so.

- Gee, thanks Mr. Wilson.

- Mm-hm.

Oh uh, Dennis, when you get to the store,

you ask for Mr. Finch personally.

He's a friend of mine, and I'm sure he'll see to it

you get your money's worth.

- Gee, thanks Mr. Wilson.

- It's all right.

- Hey guys, I got it.

- Oh, Tommy you ought to wash that bottle out.

- Nah, it's OK, it's only got a couple ants in it.

- Bye, Mr. Wilson.

- Good bye. - Thanks.

- Williams, I don't think I have to remind you

about this birthday sale.

Here comes trouble.

- Oh, aren't they cute?

- Two small boys alone, without their mother,

at a drug store are not cute.

Get rid of them.

- Maybe they want to buy something.

- They never want to buy anything.

They come here for the express purpose

of reading comics, breaking toys, and putting

their sticky fingers on the merchandise.

Don't touch that.

Do something about those youngsters, Williams.

- I wouldn't touch the dummy if I were you boys.

- Oh, we wouldn't have lady.

Only we thought her arm was going to fall off pretty soon.

- It kinda swings when people go by.

- It is a little loose.

It makes her look alive, doesn't it?

- Yeah.

- Now, what can I do for you?

- Well, tomorrow's my Mom's birthday.

And I want to get about 20 presents.

- My goodness.

- And Dennis has to buy them all by himself,

'cause his Dad gypped her by going away on a trip.

- I see.

- But we gotta get 'em from a man named Mr. Finch,

'cause he's a friend of Mr. Wilson's.

- Well Mr. Finch is right over there.

Oh, and Dennis?

- Yes?

- If he's too busy, you come right back here to me.

- OK.

Hey uh, Mr. Finch--

- You might as well know that you can't take the comic books

to the soda fountain unless you pay for them.

- I don't wanna look at comics, Mr. I

wanna buy about 20 presents for my Mother.

- I don't care what-- 20?

- Yes, sir.

- Have you got any money?

- I got so much money, sometimes I

think my pocket's going to bust loose.

- We got it out of his piggy bank.

Dollar bills and everything.

- I see.

Well, exactly what have you got in mind, my boy?

- I don't kind of know yet.

Can we look around?

- Of course.

- Hey Dennis, there's some neat stuff over there.

- Boy, yeah.

- Uh, may I suggest, young man, that you get rid

of that filthy bottle somewhere.

- OK, Mr.

- Holy bologna, what a bunch of swell junk.

- Which one you gonna get for your mom, Dennis?

- I don't know.

I think I'll buy her a pair of swim fins.

And a wading pool.

- Boy, she'll sure like that.

- Your mother likes the water, does she?

- Boy, I'll say.

She takes a bath every day.

- What else you gonna get her, Dennis?

- I don't know.

- What's that sign say?

- Self-inflating life raft, birthday sale special.

- Hey, do you think she'd like a raft for floating around

in for when we go up to the lake?

- Sure.

- Oh now, just a minute, you're talking about a lot of money

there.

That-- that-- that raft's rather expensive.

- But Mr. Wilson said you'd help us

get whatever our money was worth.

- Wilson? George Wilson?

- Uh huh. - Oh, well that's different.

He's a lodge brother of mine.

If Mr. Wilson sent you over here,

I know everything's all right.

Now let me see.

Swim fins, Rubber Dandy Wading pool.

[tapping sound]

- Oh good morning, Mrs. Pompton.

I'll see somebody waits on you immediately.

- I'll be right back.

- This thing doesn't even look like it would float.

- Gee, yeah.

Maybe you put air in this thing like a tire.

- What's this?

Hey, it's moving.

- Yeah, look at it swell up.

- Now about the inflatable rubber raft.

- I don't think we want it anymore, Mr.

- Why not?

- It's getting too fat.

- Good heavens, somebody stop it.

- Maybe it would go down if you stuck a pin in it, Mr.

- Keep your idiotic ideas to yourself.

Williams' come here quick.

- (SINGING) Oh when he comes marching home again, tra la,

de de ah.

Ya da-- who's there?

Oh.

- Hello, Mr. Wilson.

- Oh.

- Have you seen Dennis?

- Why, yes Alice.

Just a little while ago.

Uh, anything wrong?

- Oh no, no.

It's only that when things too quiet around the house,

I automatically go looking for him.

- Get me out of here, get me out of here, get me out of here.

Let me out of here.

- Mr. Finch?

I think that man wants you.

- Why you!

- Well, heh, I happen to know where

he is, and you don't have to worry.

- Oh, well where is he?

- Oh, I'm afraid he can't tell you that,

but let's just say, at this very moment

he's doing something very nice for somebody I know.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Da da, dee dee.

Ya da da--

- Let me out of here.

Please let me out of here.

Williams' you get this boy away from me or--

- Come on, boys.

- I hope you've got insurance, buster.

- Don't you think we oughta stay and help

Mr. Finch get that man out of there?

- I think you'd both be smarter to stay here.

By the way, you weren't thinking of buying

that raft for your mother, were you?

- Uh huh.

- Mother's don't like that sort of thing, honey.

You stay here with me, and we'll see

if we can find her something she really will like.

- Oh!

Get them off, get them off, get them off!

- Mrs. Pompton, what is it?

- Ants.

- Whose?

- Oh.

- What is it?

- Mrs. Pompton has ants.

- There, all gone.

- Uh.

Woo.

Is this your idea of a practical joke, Mr. Finch?

- No, Mrs. Pompton, I--

- I am waiting for your explanation.

- Mister?

- I'm busy.

This bottle must have left--

- I am a very highly strung woman, Mr. Finch.

- I'm sure of that.

- I am also one of your very best customers.

- Indeed you are.

- Mister?

- Can't you see that I'm busy?

What is it you want?

- That lady's arm finally fell off.

- Hello, Mr. Wilson?

This is Alice Mitchell.

I hate to keep bothering you, but I

wonder if you've seen Dennis lately?

- Well I imagine he's still doing that nice thing we

were discussing a little earlier.

- Well I think I know what you mean, Mr. Wilson.

But just in case you do see him, would you send him home?

It's getting late.

- Oh, all right.

Oh, in fact I have to go to the store for Mrs. Wilson,

so I'll keep my eye open for him.

And uh, Alice?

- ALICE (OFF SCREEN): Yes?

- I don't think I'm giving away any secrets

by saying a certain mother I know

is due for a very nice little surprise.

- Here you, Dennis.

I'm sure your mother will like that lovely cologne.

And here's your change.

- How many more presents can I buy for this much money, lady?

- Well, one little one maybe.

- Only one?

- Gee whiz.

A birthday's no good with only two presents.

- I want my Mom to get so many presents,

she'll be sore when she sees how much of wrapping paper

she has to clean up.

- You must remember, Dennis, other people

will be buying your mother birthday presents, too.

- No they won't, because nobody else knows about it.

Except Mr. Wilson.

- Boy, my Mom sure is gonna have a dumb birthday.

- Hey Dennis, look.

- Hey, did he get his head stuck in those two

little doors, lady?

- No.

He's advertising our birthday.

The store's birthday, that is.

- Advatizing?

- I think that's something like a commercial, Tommy.

- Oh.

- What does the sign say?

- Don't forget Finch's birthday.

- What does that part say?

- We are 60 years old.

- Why is he doing it?

- Well, he walks up and down in front of the store,

and people see the sign, and they know it's our birthday,

and they come in.

- Just because they read the sign?

- That's right.

- I think I know how my Mom can get more presents than she ever

got in her whole life.

Get my Mom a present.

Her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

Get my Mom a present, her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

[bell ringing]

- Give me the police.

- Get my Mom a present.

Her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

- I want to report a violation of our child labor laws.

The address is Finch's Drug Store on Main Street.

- Get my Mom a present, her name is Mrs. Mit--

- Great Scott.

- Hi, Mr. Wilson.

- Dennis, what in the world do you think you're doing?

- Advertising.

- Advertising?

Dennis, that's ridiculous.

- Are you connected with this boy, sir?

- Boy, I'll say.

If it wasn't for him, my Mom wouldn't

have any birthday at all.

- In other words, he's your grandfather.

You ought to be ashamed.

- Madam, will you please stay out of this.

Now Dennis, I--

- Well, we'll see what the police have

to say about a grandfather who indentures

his grandson to a drug store.

- Police?

- They'll be here any minute.

- Get my Mom a present.

Her name is Mrs. Mitchell.

Buy it right here.

- Some of your work, Mr. Finch?

- No, I don't understand-- Wilson?

- Listen, Lawrence.

This woman has called the police.

I don't think there--

- Don't try to pass the beck to somebody else, George Wilson.

Did you or did you not send this little blonde demon over here,

all day to punish me just because I won $4.80 from you

playing poker.

- Poker?

- Now listen, Lawrence.

- Get my Mom a present.

Get it right here.

- You put him up to that.

- His own grandfather, too.

- Will you stay out of this?

- Oh, stop ringing that stupid bell.

[police siren]

- Here's what I'm going to do with you, George Wilson.

I'm going to get up at the next meeting of the brotherhood

and expose you for what you are.

Now what?

- This is what I've been trying to tell you, Lawrence.

- You who, officer, right over here.

- Alice?

Alice? - Henry!

- Hi, darling.

- Oh, what on Earth are you doing home?

- Just as I was leaving the office

I got a long distance call.

The man I was going to see is coming here instead.

- Oh, darling, that's wonderful.

- Now we can all celebrate your birthday together.

Where's Dennis?

- He's out planning a surprise.

- Oh.

For you.

- Oh, Henry.

You remembered how I love yellow roses.

- [phone rings]

- Hello?

- To the one and only girl in the world.

- Alice, it's Sergeant Mooney.

He's got Dennis down at Finch's jail.

- What?

- Nev-- Finch's drugstore.

Come on.

- So then I made the sign and started walking up and down

in front of the store like that other man did

so my Mom'll get a lot of presents on her birthday.

- But the sign, Dennis.

How did you paint that?

You can't write yet. - I know.

So I got a great big boy to help me.

He's in the 4th grade.

- I'm sorry I said all those things to you, George.

- No, forget it Lawrence.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

- My fault for calling the police.

- Oh, that's all right.

It's spiced up the day a little.

But uh, I still don't get the part about the ants.

- Well I think he said this other boy had them in a bottle,

and that caused the raft to blow up.

- He said no such thing.

- But he said the ants were in a candy bar?

- This scared the first lady, she jumped

and knocked the other lady's arm off.

- The dummy, not the other lady.

- Watch your tone to me, Mr.

- Oh, now Mooney, he was only trying--

- I own this store.

[chattering]

- Well I heard--

- Just a minute or I'll haul you all in.

- Dennis!

- Gee whiz, Mom.

This was supposed to be a surprise.

Hey Mom, there's Dad.

- Yes, I know dear.

He came home unexpectedly.

- Dennis, what is this?

- I can explain, Mr. Mitchell.

Dennis wanted his Mother to have a big birthday.

- Start at the beginning, Mooney.

Now, Dennis came to me this morning--

[chattering]

- The boy came into the store, you see--

- One at a time, one at a time, how can he understand?

- Well, Mr. Wilson said it would be a surprise.

He certainly was right.

- I bet you get presents from people

you've never even heard of.

- Well that's beside the point, dear.

Dennis!

- What is it?

- I think she got stuck with a pin, or something.

- Dennis, where in the world did you

get the idea that your mother's 39 years old?

- Well, I asked Mr. Wilson how old he thought Mom was,

and he said, "No woman is ever over 40."

- What a birthday. - Yeah.

When it's your birthday Dad, I'm gonna get a bigger sign--

- No you're not.

I know you meant to do the right thing, Dennis.

But that's not the way to get presents for your parents.

- Your father's right, dear.

Now let's see.

Why, it's a lead pencil.

- Happy birthday, Tommy.

- Yeah.

Tommy bought you a candy bar first,

but it melted in his pocket and he had to eat it.

- Well you tell him how much I appreciate it, dear.

- Oh, this must be another present.

- Don't pull it, Dad!

- What in the world?

- I told you not to pull it, Dad.

Wasn't it swell of Mr. Finch to give you this nice raft?

Oh, and the paddles come with it.

Oh Mom, I forgot to tell you happy birthday.

[theme music]