Original subtitles

- Notice the sweet second hand.

- Oh, Henry.

It's a beautiful watch.

I don't blame you for buying it. - It's really great.

It's got everything.

- Let's see.

- Shatterproof crystal, waterproof, dustproof,

antimagnetic.

It's practically indestructible. - Hey, dad.

Guess what?

I hardly pulled at all, and the winder came out.

[theme music]

- I know he was out back, Martha.

I heard him.

- Oh, don't fret about him.

Maybe his mother's called him to lunch.

- Well, if I'm going to have the nursery reseed the backyard,

I'll have to mark off the area.

- Would you feed Fremont for me while you're there?

- Oh.

Well-- oh, Martha.

- Here, Fremont.

[whistles]

- There you are, boy. Yeah.

- Is it lunchtime, Mr. Wilson?

- Not for you.

What are you doing in there?

- We got a secret club.

You wanna join?

- No, I don't.

- OK.

- Well, how many kids are in there?

- There's one more.

- I-- I can't believe it.

- Well, Margaret's in there, too.

But she can't vote.

- I'm the Ladies Auxiliary.

- I-- well, I-- I think I just heard all your mothers calling

you. Good-bye.

- Good-bye, Mr. Wilson.

- Bye, Mr. Wilson. - Good-bye.

- Whatcha doing, mom?

- I just finished sweeping off the patio.

- Is lunch ready yet?

- In a few minutes.

I'll call you.

- OK.

I guess you just thought you heard my mom, Mr. Wilson.

- Yeah.

I'm a dreamer.

Ah, Dennis, why don't you go over to your house and play?

- Because my dad's cleaning out the attic,

and he doesn't want me getting in the way.

- This is my third load, honey.

It's a lucky thing I decided to clean it out.

Oh.

Look at this firecracker.

[gasps]

- What on Earth is that doing in the house?

- It's just some junk left over from the fireworks

at the company picnic.

- Oh.

Well, get rid of that, for goodness sake.

- I'm going to put in the trash can in the alley.

Can you imagine that in Dennis's hands?

- I certainly could.

With a firecracker that size, he could

destroy half the neighborhood.

- Right.

Besides, he doesn't need it.

He can destroy the neighborhood with his bare hands.

- What are you doing, Mr. Wilson?

- I'm tying the string around the peg.

- Why are you doing that, Mr. Wilson?

Do you want to see if you can pull the peg out with a string?

- Ah, no. No.

No. I-- I-- no.

I-- I-- no. No.

- Well, then what are you doing, then?

- Oh, I'm not going to tell you.

- But if you don't tell me, how can I help ya?

- You can't.

That's the point.

Ah-- oh, here.

Go play with Fremont.

Here's an extra peg.

Have him chase it.

- OK.

Here, Fremont!

[barking]

[whimpers]

- Look at Fremont, Mr. Wilson.

[whimpers]

- Lookit, Mr. Wilson.

Fremont's got the wrong peg.

I didn't even throw mine.

- Dennis, you're a jinx.

And I've had enough of it.

And I don't want you to come back.

Understand?

- Don't you want me to help you at all?

- You are helping me, Dennis.

You're helping me right this minute.

- Gee. I am?

How am I doing that?

- By going away and leaving me alone.

- MRS. MITCHELL: (OFFSCREEN): Dennis!

Time for lunch!

- Now she calls.

- Want to come over and have a peanut butter and mayonnaise

and banana sandwich with some chocolate milk?

- No.

I don't, Dennis.

Now go home.

- OK, Mr. Wilson.

I'll see you right after lunch.

- Mr. Wilson, I heard what you said to that little child.

And you should be ashamed.

- A-- a-- ashamed?

But, Mrs. Elkins, I'm fighting for my life.

- Why, Dennis is just full of life and spirit.

He's a sweet, lovable little boy.

- He is not.

He's a supersonic missile, and he's aimed right at me.

- Oh, serioiusly.

It isn't any wonder everyone calls you

the neighborhood grouch.

- Grouch?

Mrs. Elkins, don't you have someplace to go?

- Yes.

I was coming to see you.

- Oh?

What do you want?

- I want to know how much you'd like

to contribute towards the playground

for the little children.

- You'll get exactly what you'd expect

from a grouch, not one penny.

- You're not only a grouch.

You're a scrooge.

- Feel better, dear?

- Ohhh, a little.

Thank you, Martha.

Neighborhood grouch, scrooge.

- Oh, forget it.

It's not true.

You're just nervous.

- They hate me.

The whole neighborhood hates me.

You know what I'd like to do tomorrow, Martha?

Get away.

Take a nice drive in the country.

- Well, if that's what you'd like to do, we'll do it.

But what about the work on the lawn?

- Well, the nursery can do it tomorrow.

I don't have to be home for that.

Hello.

This is George Wilson.

You remember that reseeding job I talked to you about?

Well, could you do it tomorrow?

Yes.

The backyard's all staked out.

Uh-huh.

Well, fine. No.

I won't be here, but you can come right in the back.

The address is 625 Elm Street.

That's right.

6-2-5 Elm Street. Good.

Thank you.

[crash]

- Hey, look.

You see what happened there, Tommy?

That car that just knocked down that signpost.

Kapow!

- Yeah.

Kapow!

- With a knocked-down signpost, the ice cream man

could get lost.

- Yeah.

- We better go put it up again.

- Push, Tommy.

- It's heavy.

- It helps if you grunt.

[grunt]

- That's it.

Now, I'll hold it while you stamp.

And that'll keep it in place, and nobody'll get lost.

- Say, let's go over to the Pickerings'.

I heard they're giving away kittens.

- I'll give you a receipt.

What's the address here, Mrs. Piedmont?

- 625 Mississippi.

Ah, it's so generous of you to donate, Mrs. Piedmont,

especially since your own children

don't have any need for the playground.

- I guess they will stick pretty close to home

once we get the pool in.

- When will that be?

- Well, they're supposed to start digging sometime this week.

- Lovely.

- I think a pool will be a mixed blessing.

It's surprising to find out how many new friends you

have once the word gets out.

- I know what you mean.

I have a color television set.

- Well, come on, Martha.

Let's hit that open road.

- Don't forget to put the sign up for the seed man, George.

- Oh, yes.

I almost did forget, didn't I. Ha.

I guess I'm so anxious to get away from Dennis.

You know how he hangs around when

anything important's going on.

- Well, forget about him.

We're going to have a nice, peaceful day in the country.

- Yes.

Ahh, I can hardly wait.

- DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hello, Mr. Wilson!

Hello, Mrs. Wilson.

- Hello, Dennis.

Tommy. - Hello.

- Where you going, Mr. Wilson?

- None of your--

- George.

We're going for a drive in the country, Dennis.

- Oh!

I notice you got a picnic basket with ya.

- Yes.

That's right.

Just keep your hands off it, Dennis.

- You want me and Tommy to go with ya?

- Over my dead--

- George.

Use a little diplomacy.

- Ah.

I guess you're right, Martha.

Well, I'd like to have you come with us, Dennis.

But there's an important job for you to do here.

- Really? Spies or something?

Spies or something? - Oh, no.

No.

Some men are coming by in a truck

to do some work in my backyard.

Now, when they get here, will you

tell them to go right to work?

- Sure.

- That's better, George.

Well.

[laughs]

- Will you do that for your old friend and neighbor?

Hmmm?

- Sure, I will, Mr. Wilson.

And if they're gonna build something, I'll help them.

- No! No.

No. No.

Just tell them to go to work.

That's all.

- Wave, Tommy, or you'll think we're mad.

- Well, there we are, Bob.

Mississippi Street.

625 must be down the block.

- I think this is them, Tommy.

- Yeah!

- You see?

They're looking at house numbers.

Hello there!

Here it is!

This is the place.

He wants you to go right to work in the backyard.

- While I park the rig, you go up and let him know we're here.

- They're not home, but they do want

me to tell you to go right to work.

They left a note on the door.

- I'll go up and see what it said.

- The backyard's the place.

- OK, kid.

Wait till he reads the note.

- Do you want me to help you steer it in?

- Oh, I think I can manage it along.

- Do you think maybe I ought to get up there

in the car with you while you steer it in?

- No. I don't think so.

- This is it, all right.

Listen.

I'll be away for the day.

The yard is all staked out.

You can go right in.

- OK.

Let's get the dozer off.

- What are we gonna do?

- I don't know about you, kid, but we're

going to put in a swimming pool.

- A swimming pool! - Wow!

- I sure am glad you came and told me, Dennis.

I simply wouldn't have believed it.

- Oh, I've been telling everybody in the neighborhood.

Good ole Mr. Wilson's going to have

a swimming pool, all right.

- Indeed, he is.

Hmm.

Wonder if the moths got to my swimsuit.

Well, I gotta go make some phone calls.

- Bye, Mrs. Purcell.

- Bye, Dennis.

- Hey, you want me to drive for a while?

- No thanks.

- I'll do it for free. - No thanks.

- I'll give you my harmonica if you let me try.

- I'm sorry, Dennis.

And please stop asking.

You've been pestering me all afternoon.

- But I've wanted to drive a bulldozer all my life.

- I'm sorry.

Look, I'd like to accommodate you, Dennis.

But you're not old enough, and you don't know how.

- But how can I learn if nobody gives me a chance?

I'll be an old man with a real mustache,

and I still won't know how.

- Sorry.

No.

- By that time, every other kid in the neighborhood

will be able to drive one.

But I won't.

- No.

- Even Margaret will be able to drive one.

- I will not.

I don't want to.

- Why not?

- Because I'd rather be a mother.

- For gosh sakes, you're too short to be a mother.

- This is about the best hole we ever dug, Tommy.

- I'm tired.

- Well, we better go clean up for dinner.

- Well.

It was a nice day, George.

- Ah, it was fine.

Perfect.

But I kind of hate to get back to where

I'm considered the neighborhood grouch.

- Haven't you forgotten about that yet?

- No, I haven't.

You know, Martha, the people in this neighborhood

have suddenly become very distasteful to me.

- Oh, nonsense.

Go look at your seeding job.

- No.

I'm much too tired.

I'll look at it in the morning.

- If it isn't two of my favorite people, the Wilsons.

- Mrs. Holland, good evening.

- Good evening.

- And how are you, Mr. Wilson?

- Oh, I'm a little tired.

- I understand you've been having some work done

in your backyard.

- Yes.

That's right.

- That's what I heard.

You know, we really haven't been seeing enough of each other.

Why don't you come to brunch Sunday?

- Why, we'd love to.

- Fine.

11 o'clock? Thank you.

- Good night.

- Good night, Mrs. Holland.

- You see, George.

Mrs. Holland doesn't think you're a grouch.

- Well, she just asked me because of you.

[telephone ringing]

- George, the telephone's ringing.

- I'll get it.

I'll get it.

[telephone ringing]

- All right.

All right.

Hello?

Well, Mr. Taylor.

Oh, well, yes.

I play, if you can call it that.

I-- (LAUGHINGLY) I'm just a duffer.

Oh, well, I couldn't Sunday.

I'm going to a brunch, you know. Saturday?

Oh, yes.

Saturday will be wonderful.

Oh, good.

I'll see you at 8 o'clock.

Good night.

- Who was that?

- Why, that was Frank Taylor.

He wants me to join him in a foursome for golf.

- Oh, how nice.

You've been wanting to get to know Mr. Taylor and his friends

better for a long time.

- Well, now, I guess there are a few people in this neighborhood

who don't think I'm a grouch. - Of course.

[doorbell]

- Who can that be? - I don't know.

- Why, Mrs. Purcell.

- Good evening, Mr. Wilson. - Good evening.

- Mrs. Wilson.

- Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

My, don't you have a lovely home.

[laughs] - Well, we like it.

- I brought you these homemade French preserves.

I thought you might like it for your breakfast toast.

- Well, thank you, Mrs. Purcell.

It was very kind of you to think of us.

- Thank you.

- Well, it was in the way of being an apology for that time

I called you an old goat.

- An old goat?

- The time we bumped fenders in the parking lot

at the supermarket. - Ohh.

Ohh. Forget it.

- Oh, no.

I won't.

That accident was all my fault, and I

want us to be close friends.

- Well, now.

- My husband feels exactly the same way.

- Well, that's very--

- He would've come over with me, but he found out

the stores were open late tonight.

So he went down to get some bathing trunks.

[telephone ringing]

- Well, we'll all have to get together sometime.

- Yes. [telephone ringing]

- One of these hot summer afternoons.

- Just a minute.

It's for you, George.

- Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Purcell.

Hello?

Well, yes, Mr. Quigley.

Bowling?

Why, I'd like that very much.

Ohh. [laughs]

- I don't think my control's that good.

Really, Mr. Quigley?

Well, I'll be glad to give you a few pointers.

Turn professional?

Oh-ho. No.

No. No.

It's just a hobby with me.

Really, Mr. Quigley?

Oh, thank you. Yes.

Yes.

I'll see you at the alley.

Good-bye.

Well, now, there's one of the nicest fellows that

ever walked into a bowling alley.

- Hey, Dennis!

Dennis!

Look here.

Look at what I found. - Wow!

That's the biggest firecracker I ever saw.

Where'd ya find it?

- In the alley.

- Wow.

You better give that to me, because firecrackers

are dangerous.

I'll take it over to my house and throw it away.

[grunts]

- Oh, Great Scott.

Martha. Martha.

- Hmm?

- We've overslept.

It's almost 8:30.

- It is? - Yep.

- My goodness.

- Oh, it's a wonderful, wonderful day.

- Well, you are in a good mood this morning.

- Well, how could I be otherwise?

I live in a wonderful neighborhood,

and I'm surrounded by my friends.

- Of course you are.

I've always told you that.

- But there's so many of them.

Why, everybody loves me.

Do you realize we had visitors and phone calls all last night?

- We certainly did.

- Do you know this morning I even see

little Dennis in a different perspective.

- You see, Tommy, firecrackers are for big kids and grown-ups.

- Why?

- Because after they light them, they

can run away faster than we can.

Hi, mom.

- Oh, hello boys.

- Hello, Mrs. Mitchell.

Let's go over to Eric's.

We could help him take his piano lesson.

Oh.

Oh, hi, dad.

- Hi, son.

Hi, Tommy.

- Hi.

- Have a good day at the office, dear.

- Thank you, sweetie. You, too.

- Oh, Henry.

Would you take this out to the incinerator?

- I'd take that to the end of the Earth for you.

- You know, Martha, from now on I'm going to be a changed man.

I'm not going to let the little things get under my skin.

- Good for you.

- Now, you take Dennis.

There's a nice clean-cut youngster,

and I've been treating him like he was some kind of a fiend.

- He's a sweet little boy, and he's very fond of you.

- You know, I'm very fond of him deep down inside.

And from now I'm going to show it.

[laughs]

- Martha, why don't you make some cookies

so we'll have some when he comes over.

[explosion]

- Great Scott, what was that?

- It sounded like a bomb.

- A bomb?

- Martha, it's a bomb crater!

Martha!

- George, what are we going to do?

- I must do my duty.

This is war.

You get under the bed.

- I'm going with you.

- No.

You stay under the bed.

- George, be careful. - Careful?

When my country's being attacked?

Air raid!

To the shelters!

Air raid!

Hey--ahh!

Air raid!

To your shelters, everybody!

To the shelters!

- What's going on?

Oh, Great Scott.

Our first casualty.

I'll telephone the medic as soon as I've

altered the others, Henry.

Air raid!

- What are you talking about?

- Take cover, Mrs. Elkins.

We're being bombed.

- I knew it would finally happen.

Your mind has snapped.

- No.

There's a bomb crater in my backyard.

- Bomb crater?

That's the hole for your swimming pool.

- What are you talking about?

I don't have a swimming pool.

- Sure you have, Mr. Wilson.

And I helped dig it.

- What?

Ohh.

- Hey, Mr. Wilson, what are you doing out here

in your sleepers?

- Martha! Martha!

- Very well, Mr. Wilson.

We'll fill the hole in a couple days.

- What's the matter with today?

- Well, be reasonable, Mr. Wilson.

We have only one bulldozer crew and one cement crew,

and they're booked way ahead.

- Well, where's that bulldozer today?

- Doing the job it should have done

what it dug that hole of yours. - All right.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

Now, your man destroyed one of the finest lawns

in this neighborhood, but--

- George. - Now, you just hush, Martha.

- One of the finest lawns in this neighborhood.

So I'll settle if the hole is filled in a couple of days

if you put in new topsoil and pay

for a complete reseeding job.

- Mr. Wilson.

- Otherwise, Mr. Banner, I'll be forced to call my attorney.

- All right, Mr. Wilson.

We'll do it.

- Ah.

Thank you, Mr. Banner.

Thank you very much indeed.

Good afternoon, Mr. Banner.

- Good-bye, Mrs. Wilson.

[laughs]

- That, Martha, is known as pulling the fat out

of the fire.

- George, you ought to be ashamed.

- Well, I saved us almost a hundred dollars.

And you know what I'm going to do with that money, Martha?

I'm going to take you up to Lake Bailey for a couple of days.

Ah, besides, I'd like to get away for a little while.

- Now, George, the neighbors aren't laughing at you.

- Oh, yes, they are.

They're calling me Air Raid Wilson.

No, sir, Martha.

We're leaving first thing in the morning.

- It was a silly mistake.

Some kid turned the sign around, but that's

been straightened out.

The excavation on Mississippi Street

has been completed and ready for you to pour the cement.

- But what about that street sign now?

I don't want to end up pouring cement

at a hole at the wrong house.

- You don't have to worry about that.

That sign's OK.

I went out and turned the sign around right myself.

Where it says Mississippi, that's Mississippi.

You pour the cement, and you'll be all right.

- I didn't think he'd still be mad about the sign,

but he sure is.

- How do you know?

- Because this morning he told me so.

Then he climbed in the car with Mrs. Wilson

and drove to Lake Bailey.

- I'll miss him.

- Me, too.

- You know what we ought to do for good ole Mr. Wilson?

We ought to turn it the right way

and not wait for the city to fix it.

- There it is, Mississippi Street.