Original subtitles

- Come on, Dennis.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I'm in the bathroom!

- Well, come on.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Maybe I'll try shaving!

- Dennis, come here this instant.

- If you take a bath, don't step on my frog.

- Dennis, take off your pistols and get in bed.

- Why don't we go down and have a baloney sandwich?

- Dennis, get in bed.

- OK.

- Thank goodness.

- Mom, how come you always say "thank goodness" instead

of "good night"?

[theme music]

- Have a cookie, men?

- You know, Joey, there goes the best mom in the whole world.

Yes, siree.

She's been trying to get Dad to fix this table for a long time,

and I'm gonna do it for her.

I'm pretty good with a screwdriver, Joey.

I just put it in the little slot, and then I turn.

Whoops!

This table's got a loose leg.

Come here, Joey.

You kneel here while I fix this leg.

I think-- I think I'll use the hammer on this one.

I'm even better with hammers than I am with screwdrivers.

Whoops!

Sorry, Joey.

You see, if I hammer it on the side,

it'll squirt out on the top.

- Ah, Dennis, if you must hammer, do it outside.

- OK, Mom.

You wait here, Joey.

- No, take Joey with you.

I want you both out from underfoot.

- I don't think I'd better take Joey.

- Oh, both of you now.

Scoot. - But Mom--

- Oh, Dennis, please.

Go on out.

- But Mom, Joey's--

- You are both holding up my work.

Now, scoot.

Out, out, out.

- OK, Mom.

I just hope you don't get another sick headache.

Come on, Joey.

- Hey, there's good old Mr. Wilson painting his house.

Hello, Mr. Wilson!

- Oh, no.

Not today.

I haven't the strength.

- Hello, Mr. Wilson!

We'll have to go closer, Joey.

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Want us to help you the paint the house?

- Read the sign!

Read the sign!

Watch out for Fremont.

- I always watch out for Fremont.

He's a good old dog.

- Oh, Dennis, don't let him out!

He never comes back!

[barks]

- He's a sure good runner, Mr. Wilson.

- How many times have I told you!

The last time, it took three hours and a pound of hamburger

to get him back.

Hey!

Come here!

Come on, Fremont!

Come back here!

- He'll be tired when he gets back,

so let's paint his house for him.

Have you ever painted a house before, Joey?

Neither have I. I guess it's like finger painting,

only bigger.

- Dennis, get off the ladder.

- You're sure getting fast, Mr. Wilson.

You caught him. - Yes.

Yeah, today I was lucky.

Now, get off the ladder.

- Are you nervous, Mr. Wilson.?

- Yes, I'm very nervous.

- Every place I've been today, people have been nervous.

- Now look, give me the brush.

- But I want to help.

- Well, that's what I'm afraid of.

Now, hand it over.

No, the handle first, handle first.

- That was close, wasn't it?

- Yes, everything with you is close.

Come on, get down now.

- Joey, bring the paint over here so me and Mr. Wilson

can get it easy.

- Oh.

Dennis, get off this ladder.

It's very shaky.

- OK.

We've got a very shaky ladder here, Joey.

I better hold it for him.

- Dennis, get away from that ladder!

- I'm safe.

- Yeah, but I'm not.

- You will be as soon as we straighten it a little.

- What?

- Help me pull it over this way, Joey.

Whoops!

You got your foot in the paint, Mr. Wilson.

Joey, I think we better go home.

Huh, Joey?

Don't you think we'd better go home?

- That Dennis, such a menace.

- And do you know what the plumber found?

Dennis' yo-yo.

- I'll have to have a talk with that boy, Alice.

- And then, your son--

- My son?

- came in and informed me he'd installed

an automatic sprinkler system.

- A what?

- He buried the hose.

- He's quite a guy.

I'll have to go out later and dig it up.

- Mhm.

He's quite a guy, all right.

If his energy were run through a wire,

you could light New York City.

I love him, but I'm exhausted.

Will you take me to a movie tonight?

- Well, sure, honey. What do you want to see?

- How about the Glenn Ford picture around the corner?

Tonight's the last night.

- You want to see a western?

- I want to see Glenn Ford.

- Well, you've got a Henry Mitchell.

What's the matter with him?

- Not a thing.

I'm going to hold Henry Mitchell's hand,

and I'm going to put my head on Henry Mitchell's shoulder.

And I'm just going to relax and keep my eyes on Glenn Ford.

- I'm home!

- Dennis, you and I are going to have to have a little talk.

- Why don't we go upstairs?

- What for?

- So we won't be bothered if, uh, uh, somebody comes over.

- All right, Dennis.

What have you done now and who to?

- And how much is it going to cost me?

- Mitchell!

Mitchell, I want to talk to you.

- Uh, come in, Mr. Wilson.

- Uh, no, I-- I better not.

Thanks to Dennis, I just stepped in a bucket of paint.

I don't want to be a grouch, but Dennis

is just too much for a man my age.

I like to putter around the house and work with my flowers

and take a nap in the afternoon.

Is that too much to ask?

- Oh, no.

No, of course not.

- Don't you like me, Mr. Wilson?

- Yes, I like you.

You're full of pep.

You're cheerful.

You're always helping everybody.

Dennis, you drive me nuts.

- Mr. Wilson, uh, I'll see that Dennis stays away from you.

And-- and let me know how much the paint costs.

I want to pay for it.

- Well, just forget about the paint.

Buy me a new pair of shoes.

- Well, send me a bill.

- I will. Ooh.

- Today is a day much like any other day, only you are here.

- I'd sure like to see that picture.

I've wanted to see that picture all my life.

- Not tonight, Dennis.

- Joey's seen it.

Every kid in the neighborhood's seen it.

I'm probably the only kid in the whole world

that seen that picture.

Poor kids have seen it.

Orphans have seen it.

- Dennis, not tonight.

- Tomorrow?

- No.

- Why not?

- Because tonight's the last night, that's why.

- If you take me tonight, you won't have to get a babysitter.

- Ooh, yes, there is that problem.

They never come back a second time.

- If you can't get anybody, can I go to the picture?

- Uh, Dennis, I'll find somebody if I

have to call every agency in this state.

We'll probably have to.

- Haven't gotten one yet, huh, Mom?

- Not yet.

- The sitters in this town are a bunch of cowards.

- With a bunch of phony excuses.

If they weren't washing their hair, they had studying to do

or they were already busy tonight.

One girl even got so flustered, she

told me she had a date to go pearl diving.

- Well, I guess I'll just have to go to that old movie after all.

- Give me another number quick, Henry.

- Honey, I don't think we ought to tie the phone up.

There's still that Mrs. Porter.

Her landlady said she call the minute she came in.

- Joey's mother never has any trouble getting a sitter.

- Dennis, there is a slight difference

between you and Joey.

- Yeah, I guess he is a little younger.

- And a little better at staying out of trouble.

- That's one reason why I like you to play with him.

Maybe some of his good behavior will rub off on you.

[phone rings]

- I'll get it!

- No, you don't.

Henry, you get it.

For luck.

- Hello?

Hello, Mrs. Porter.

Yes, well, we were wondering if you

could sit for us this evening.

Uh, yes.

Just one.

A little boy named Dennis.

Well, yes, we thought it was a very nice name too.

Well, that's-- that's fine, Mrs. Porter.

Wonderful.

We'll be expecting you in about half an hour.

That's right. The address is 627 Elm.

That's right.

Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Porter.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

We made it!

- Didn't know me, huh, Dad?

- Well, she's new in town.

- Oh, the living's room a mess.

We better straighten it before we go.

- Oh, yeah.

- You know, Mom, I was just thinking about good old Joey.

I guess he could teach me a thing or two.

- He certainly could, especially about picking up toys.

Come on, Dennis.

- I guess you're always glad to see him come over.

- Joey's always welcome.

He's a nice, well-behaved little boy,

and you could learn a great deal from him.

- I'd even bet you'd let him stay all night sometimes.

- As long as his mother says it's all right, anytime.

- I sure am glad I have a friend like Joey.

- Where are you going, young man?

- To see if my bike's all right.

- Don't slam it!

[slams]

[doorbell rings]

- You can't come in, Dennis, because I

cleaned the house today.

- Oh, I didn't come over to play, Mrs. McDonald.

My mother wants to know if Joey can stay all night with me.

- Would you like that, Joey?

Well, I guess it'd be all right, Dennis.

Hey, you run upstairs and get your pajamas

and your toothbrush.

Just a minute, Dennis.

- OK, go on up in my room and don't make any noise.

ALICE (OFFSCREEN): That you, Dennis?

- Yeah, Mom.

Did I get here before the sitter?

- Yes.

But I hope she hurries, or we'll miss

the beginning of the picture.

Now, Dennis, I want you to be a very good boy.

Don't give the sitter any trouble.

- I'll be so good, she won't even think I'm here.

- I hope so.

Then maybe she'll come back again.

[doorbell rings]

- Uh, I-- I think I'll go up and brush my teeth.

- Well, you have reformed. - Isn't that the sitter?

- Well, I hope so we have to run.

- Mrs. Mitchell?

- Yes.

Come in, Mrs. Porter.

And this is Mr. Mitchell.

- How do you, Mrs. Porter?

MRS. PORTER (OFFSCREEN): How do you do?

- We haven't got time to play sheriff and outlaw now, Joey.

But right now, you're going to play a better game.

You're gonna make believe you're me.

- Good night, Dennis.

Be a good boy and mind Mrs. Porter.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): I will, Dad!

- Well, good night, Mrs. Porter.

- Have a nice time.

Oh, and are you sure everything's locked up?

Sometimes I get nervous.

- Tight as a drum, Mrs. Porter.

Good night.

- Good night.

- Oh, and, uh, good luck.

- Dennis, come down and I'll read you a story.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Right away, Mrs. Porter.

- Oh, my.

What a nice little man. Come on.

- Two, please.

Thank you.

- Good evening. Evening.

- Big win. Gosh.

- Thank you.

- Two adults and a child, please.

- Wanna ride my bike? - Yeah.

- Good evening.

- Hello.

- Wait a minute.

Why don't you give up?

- Where's my little boy?

What happened to my-- Oh, Greg, what

are you doing with a bicycle?

We're going to the movies.

Now, come along.

- Look, kid.

Here's a dime.

Go buy your own popcorn, will you?

And find yourself another seat.

- We thought there was only one like Dennis.

- Well!

- Want some popcorn?

- I do not.

Pardon me for disturbing you, but some dreadful little boy

was eating popcorn right in my ear.

- You don't think? - No.

No, it couldn't be.

PROJECTIONIST

Uh, this is the projectionist, ladies and gentlemen.

We've had a slight-- little boy, little boy, put that down.

I know that was an exciting part, but we can't run it over.

You're darn right I'm nervous.

I'm sorry, folks.

The picture will resume in a moment.

- Henry, I know this sounds crazy,

but I'm going to phone home.

- Go ahead, honey.

It may not be so crazy.

- Mrs. Porter, this is Mrs. Mitchell.

Is Dennis there?

- Of course.

He's a perfect little lamb.

The best behaved little boy I've ever been a sitter for.

There hasn't been a peep out of him all evening.

- Is this the Mrs. Porter at the Mitchell residence?

MRS. PORTER (ON PHONE): That's right.

I'm holding your little son in my arms this very moment.

- Everything's fine.

She says he's been a perfect lamb.

- Dennis? You mean our Dennis?

- Oh, he can be sweet.

Maybe we should have brought him along.

Poor kid.

He wanted so badly to see this movie.

- Well, we'll bring him along next time.

This-- this is our night out on the town.

Now, you just sit back and relax and enjoy this picture.

Later on, we'll stop by for a bite to eat.

[shushing noise]

- Operator, give me the police.

- Hi, Joey.

Hope the sitter didn't give you any trouble.

Boy, was that a movie.

Glenn Ford's the fastest man with a gun I ever saw.

It was just like this.

Whoops, lost one of my guns.

Well, anyway, it was just like this.

Kapow! Kapow!

And by the time he rode off into the sunset, he was the only one

left, except for that dumb old girl.

- Oh, good evening, Mrs. Porter.

- How was the picture?

- Very good.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

- The only fly in the ointment was

some youngster running around.

- Yes, some parents don't seem to care what their children do.

How was everything here?

- Oh, everything was smooth as silk with Dennis.

We did have a little flurry of excitement

with a prowler in the neighborhood though.

- A prowler? - Thank you.

- Oh, is everything all right?

- Oh, yes.

The police got him, whoever he was.

- Oh, thank heaven for that.

- Here you are, Mrs. Porter.

- Well, thank you. - Thank you.

- Oh, thank you for taking such good care of Dennis.

- Oh, it was a real pleasure.

The next time you go out, I hope you'll call on me again.

- Oh, we certainly will, Mrs. Porter.

- We certainly will, Mrs. Porter.

- Good night.

- Can you imagine that?

Why, she sounded like she was talking

about someone else's child.

- Let's go up and tuck him in.

- All right. - Shh.

- Oh, look at that.

- Quite a guy.

- Our little Dennis.

- He may be a menace sometimes, but I wouldn't trade him

for any other kid in the world.

- Neither would I.

[phone rings]

- Who in the Sam Hill can that be?

All right, all right.

Don't get so excited.

- Who is it?

- Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson, I'm leaving the house right now!

- Well, what's that all about?

Where are you going?

- Mr. Wilson says that he came over here to get his ladder

and-- but-- but the sitter said that Dennis

has been absolutely perfect.

And-- and then Mr. Wilson he found Dennis' cap pistol

on the lawn, and Dennis is upstairs asleep.

How can he possibly blame Dennis?

- Please, slow down.

I don't know what you're talking about.

- The police are holding Mr. Wilson

on suspicion of armed robbery.

I've got to go down and bail him out.

- Come on, Joey.

We better get rested for tomorrow, Joey.

They're starting to build that new house down the street,

and we've gotta help them.