Original subtitles

aha.

Aha.

Walking alone, picking up sunshine,

singing a song.

I don't have a care

and soon maybe one day will come through

shiny and new and when it does I'll say

pick up on me now

living and loving keeping things right

I'm one So without a bad thing

there's so much more this great big city

my life's complete stars

now that I'm here I'll make up on me Oh,

hey.

Sunshine.

I don't have a care

with nobody there.

Counting the stars. Maybe one day come

true. Shining and new. Now that I'm

here, I'll say, "Hey, look at me. This

is the place I would rather be."

I

think it

money.

Jesus, Alice, what is it with you? I'm

losing my mind here.

J, Mr. Papadopoulos, I'm really sorry,

but the Late Late Show had fell in

heaven with Simone Simone and Henry

Fonda. Then just as I was going to turn

off the set on came, it happened one

night.

Okay. Okay. You take you take the

counter. The guy at the end gets

cheeseburgers 21 in stretch. Come move

BLT down. Hold it.

Ah, say miss. Uh, can I have another cup

of coffee, please? Right away, sir.

F. Are you by any chance an actress?

Me?

Uh-huh.

No.

A

uh Why did you ask

about what?

About um me being an actress.

Oh, I thought maybe you'd like to be in

the motion pictures. I was going to

offer you a small role in the world that

Julia sees.

You're kidding. Oh, I'm excuse me. I'm

terribly sorry. I mean, I mean, you're

putting me on.

No, not at all. Uh, my name is Myin

Middleman. I happen to be the second

assistant production manager. It's only

a small role, but it can lead to bigger

things.

Oh gosh, Mr. Middleman, I don't know

what to say. This is like a dream.

Uh, look, Miss um,

good buddy. Alice, good buddy. idea.

I excuse me.

Look, Miss Good Buddy, I I have to have

you answer now. I mean, we're shooting

the big scene tomorrow.

Oh, dear.

I mean, this could be your big break.

Oh, I know. I know.

All right. Yes, I'll do it. Oh, I'm so

excited.

Great. All right. Now, what time do you

get off work?

8:30.

Yeah. All right. Okay. Uh, listen. I'll

uh I'll pick you up then and uh and

we'll have dinner. All right.

Oh, yes, Mr. Little.

More wine, Alice.

Oh, dear. I shouldn't.

Go ahead. You know, you only get

discovered once, Captain.

You do.

You do what?

Only get discovered once.

That's right. Well, Ellis,

here's to your new career.

The movies.

The beef bug on your own was superb.

To what?

Oh. Oh, the stew. It's the specialtities

he made on. You shouldn't have, Mr.

Middleman.

Call me,

my

that makes me feel funny, Mr. Middleman.

It's sort of like like having Mr.

Papadopoulos waiting on me.

That makes two of us. There it be.

No.

Listen, Alice, do me a favor. Now that

you've been discovered,

how about getting you to work on time

tomorrow?

Mr. Papopoulos, I'm afraid you don't

quite understand. Alice is no longer a

waitress.

Oh,

she begins a new career in the movies

tomorrow.

Right.

Oh, it's true, Mr. Papadopoulos. And the

really cool thing is, this is exactly

how June Pricer was discovered.

Who?

Gee, Mr. Middleman, I guess this has

been just about the biggest day in my

life.

I'm not surprised, Alice.

Now, tell me again, what time do I show

up?

Your wardrobe and makeup calls are for

7:30.

Then I guess I better pass up the third

man.

Who?

The movie. It's on the Late Late Show.

Well, I'll have to get some sleep if I

can. Oh, I'm so excited.

Yeah, I'm getting pretty excited, too,

Alice.

Oh, gee, Mr. Middleman, I never thought

this would happen to me. Just think me

in the movie.

Aha. Aha.

Oh,

I'm wondering.

Oh. Oh, wait a minute. Uh, the elephants

are due to arrive in 35 minutes.

Right.

We won't need the elephants until

Monday. Now,

Jesus, what am I going to do with six

elephants over the weekend?

Well, if that's your problem, fella.

Oh, thanks a lot. Maybe I can get the

pilot to stay in a holding pattern.

Funny. Oh, that's fun.

Excuse me, Mr. Middleman.

Alice, baby.

Oh, wow. This is neato.

What did I tell you, kid? You come

across for me, I come across for you.

It's as simple as that.

So big. Oh, it's only had the biggest

production scene and the seventh most

expensive picture of all time. You know,

Massive Pictures motto was we don't

around.

I guess not.

Ivonne, this is Alice Goodbody, the new

extra. She's going to be playing a

servant girl.

Oh, well, wardrobe by avant. I love your

designs.

Not to me, kid. So, how'd you like to go

down on Academy Award winner?

Huh?

Forget it. Go grab yourself a toga.

Don't want that on the set.

Oh, those goddamn elephants. I got to

go. Listen, uh, I'll see you on the set.

Okay.

You'll see me on the set.

Oh, wow.

Juliuses

burst in our hearts. Julius Caesar.

Rocker

has the coliseum at the top of your

choice. Julius Caesar rocker

number one.

That's beautiful. Let's go for a take.

Quite another set.

World of Julius Caesar. Scene 37. Take

one.

Hey, get that goddamn mic out of there.

Dawn, I knew it was too good to be true.

Not to worry, baby.

Some movie career. It lasts about 45

minutes.

Instead, not to worry. I got a little

surprise for you. There's shooting

around your scene and the doctor said

your eye will clear up in a few days.

And

you mean you mean I've still got the

part?

Oh, Mr. Middleman.

Better. You're actually going to serve a

bowl of grapes to the second lead.

Rex Livingston.

Yep. You're going to be in his closeup.

Oh, wow. How can I ever thank you?

Well, what did old Myron tell you? You

come across for me, I come across for

you. It took some doing, but it's all

arranged.

Oh, there is one thing though. You'll

have to the production manager.

I have to.

Of course you have to. You want to be in

the movies, don't you?

Do I?

Well, then you got to the

production manager.

That's how you get ahead and show

business.

Well, uh, how the hell would I know what

makes elephants happy?

Uh-huh. Well, listen. It It's only going

to be for 3 days, isn't it? Well, why

not just leave them on the airplane?

Well, what about in the hanger?

Mhm.

Oh, so what's the problem?

Oh, God. Well, find somebody. There must

be someone in Los Angeles who

specializes in disposing of it.

Yes. Well, listen, my like I said

before, it's your problem. And besides,

I can't keep Alice waiting any longer.

Yeah. Thanks, Myin. Yeah. Thanks. So

long.

Oh, that's the way, Alice.

All finished?

Yeah. Well, uh, first I took off my

shoes and I sprayed them with number

one. And then I sprayed my hands with

number two. And then I uh sprayed my

feet with this and put on a booty. And

then I uh

used can number three.

Yeah.

Oh, you did it just right, Alice. Come

on in and uh call me Arnold.

Here,

why don't you put these on while I pour

us a drink?

Scotch.

Oh, no thank you, Mr. Ner, just uh

water.

Gosh, Mr. Ner, no wonder you're so

worried about tracking dirt in here.

This place looks like a hospital.

Yes. Mother and father were surgeons. I

almost followed in their footsteps, but

I only like part of it.

Really? Which part?

Scrubbing up.

Well,

let's get started.

Okay.

no

ow

you clow.

owe

me

peel.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

Mhm.

Very good.

Thank you, Mr.

Mhm.

Okay. Now the other one.

Good.

What do you think?

Lovely.

You have great ears, Alice.

Now, just a little bit more and we're

all through.

Okay. Now just relax, Alice.

That's it. Just a little bit more.

Excellent.

Okay, now you just make yourself

comfortable and I'll be back in a

minute.

All right, Alice, here I come. I'm ready

or not.

Mr. Jurn, are you

Oh, wow.

Alice, are you

No, I was just thinking about serving a

bowl of grapes to Rex Livingston.

All right, darling.

Hold the bowl a little bit closer to

Rex's head, please. That's it. Good.

Now, lean forward, please.

Maybe see a little bit more tus.

Good. Now, Rex,

very good, Rex.

Darling, uh, look down. Uh, lean forward

a little. That's right. Now, you see two

customers down below you. Yes. Down two

steps.

Beautiful.

All right. Very good. Okay. We'll go for

a take, please.

So, now tell me the bad news.

Oh, funny. You should ask. We got six

elephants, right?

Right.

Long. We got seven. She was born two

days ago. Her name's Martha.

Oh, I'll bet she's cute. Don't listen,

my

Okay, rolling.

Roll down.

World of Julia Caesar

37. Charlie, take one.

Camera's ready. music up and action

like a colossus that in the process the

glory of his legend grows.

He gave quite a charge to cleo on the

marage. Could it be his noble Roman

nose?

Julius

got it.

It says, "Tough break, Alice. You're a

neat little trooper. Fondly Arnold Ner."

That was nice of him.

I was a neat little trooper.

Listen, kid. Not to worry. I bet nothing

like this ever happened to Maria

Montterz.

Okay. I wasn't going to tell you this

for a few days, but I'm a pushover. You

seen us being delayed a week.

You mean I?

Yep. The doctor said you can move your

head right then.

Oh, boy. Ow.

Easy. There's more. Now, you remember

the girl who stands next to the spear

carrier?

Mhm.

And she and the spear carrier have a

couple of lines during their closeup.

Mhm. Well, you're her.

Oh, wow. Mr. Middleman.

Oh, yeah. Almost forgot. Part of the

deal is you the assistant director.

Really?

You're on your way to the top, kid.

Thanks to Omirron.

Okay. Okay.

Oh.

[Laughter]

Okay. Okay. In a minute. For Christ's

sake.

Uhoh. Uhoh.

All right. All right.

Hello. Didn't you hear me?

Mr. Minel,

didn't you hear me? Hey just a minute.

This certainly is an interesting place

you have here, Mr. Mkin.

Mel, you can call me Roger. You're here.

Help yourself some popcorn.

[Laughter]

What are you watching?

A gorilla. The fat lady.

Oh

gosh, what a view.

Move for God's sake.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, um, palace, isn't it?

Mhm. I hope I didn't wreck anything.

That's all right. They're my neighbors.

I can watch them anytime.

Um,

how is um your neck?

Oh, it's better. Much better.

Good.

gives me an appetite.

Say, have you had lunch?

Gee, no. I'm starving.

Terrific.

If I need a direction, I'll be back back

to find love with you.

Cuz in time, I've been needing and

wanting all those funky things you can

do.

You'll find satisfaction in the things I

say.

But I know baby I'm going to find him

someday cuz loving is

getting it together in the backyard.

I said loving is

getting it together forever.

Baby, I've been sleeping

all over town. Used to get me up. It's

beginning to bring me down.

Is

getting it together in the backyard.

Loving is

getting together forever.

The same old thing I say the breakfast

scene don't mean nothing to me. Oh no.

If I'm lost in those feelings, it's just

because it's all I ever see.

I know I'm on the right road bringing me

back. I just passed the road sign saying

homies where it's at cuz loving is

getting it together in the backyard.

I said loving is

getting it together forever.

I said

get me together.

Now that deserves a toast.

The emperor brought his own lamb to the

feast.

The emperor brought his own lamb to the

feast.

The emperor

Oh, for Christ's sakes, Alice.

Oh, Mr. Middleman, I'll never be able to

do it.

Jesus, Alice, what is the big

deal?

Here, read it from the script again.

Ready?

Uh-huh.

The emperor brought his own lamb to the

feast.

They are roasting it now over there.

Alas, I fear it is Caesar's goose we see

being cooked.

I have heard.

That's fine. Now, why should it be such

a goddamn problem? I mean, it's only two

lines and we've been drinking

around with it for 4 days. I could have

memorized the whole script in 4 days and

I'm not even an actor.

Oh, I remember the words. All right.

You do?

Uh-huh. It's just that I have to stop

and think about them.

That's great, Alice. Why do you have to

stop and think about them?

Because I don't understand them. I mean,

if they're roasting as lamb, how can it

be

his goose?

Peanuts.

That's right, Mr. Melman. I've been

dealing with them for 27 years.

Well, I guess you should know, Dr.

Felman.

I guess I should. I've had all kinds.

Schizoid, manic, paranoid, sexually

depressed. A sexually repressed

elephant.

Boy, that must have been something.

Oh, indeed, indeed. One of my most

celebrated cases. She was frigid.

How can you tell?

But I proceeded on the theory that there

are no frigid female elephants. Only

only clumsy males.

That's right. How did you know?

I must have read it in the book

someplace. Listen, Doc, I uh we're

shooting in an hour. Uh, thanks very

much for your help.

Remember,

right, peanuts.

Exactly. Guaranteed to make them happy.

Delibrium of the elephant world.

Terrific. You saved my life. Thanks

again.

Don't you want to know how I cure

fragidity?

Sure. How?

I showed you pornographic movies

of of of people.

No, dummy. Of elephants.

You're really excited, huh, kid?

Oh, Ivon, you don't know.

I'll bet I do.

Hey, listen. I've got just the thing to

calm you down.

Really? What is it?

this.

Gee, you're right. That's very relaxing.

Jesus, Alice. What's keeping you

coming, Mr. Middleman? Gee, thanks a

lot, Ivon.

Forget it.

Hey. Uh, what was she up to?

Oh, she was just showing me how to

relax. It's a neat trick.

I can imagine. Okay, everybody.

Well, kid, this is it. Your big moment.

I know. And I owe it all to you, Mr.

Middleman.

Yes. Now, listen. For God's sakes, will

you try and be careful?

Oh, I will.

Oh, I'm I'm really sorry.

Please. Come on. Oh,

Alice, with the fruit, get up here.

Okay. Dang. Let's have some quiet.

Why is he doing this to me?

Stop hammering.

Time to remove the planks. Please

remove the planks.

Carefully.

I thought he almost had it that time.

Me,

too.

Heat. Heat.

I must be jinxed.

I get it, kid. It wasn't your fault.

It might as well be. They weren't my big

chance. And after all that rehearsal,

5 days, but two lines,

and I really knew him. Go ahead, Mr.

Middleman. Cue me. I believe you, Alice.

No. Come on. Cue me.

The emperor brought his own lamb to the

feast.

They are cooking it now over there.

They are roasting it.

You sure?

Uh-huh.

I wonder if Mr. Papadopoulos will take

me back.

No need for that, Alice.

What else am I good for?

Alice. Alice. How many times have to

tell you this is old dependable Myron

Middleman?

I know that, Mr. Middleman. You

certainly are.

And have I disappointed you yet?

Gee, no.

The doctor say how long before you'd be

okay?

3 weeks.

Well, kiddo, by a strange and wonderful

coincidence, that's exactly how long

they'll be shooting around your scene.

I've still got the part.

No,

no,

no. You got a better one.

Oh, Mr. Middleman.

You know Kalpine's handmaiden?

H

sees his wife's handmaidaiden.

Oh, Ronda Lour's handmaidaiden.

Yeah,

that's your new part.

She brushes Miss Lur's hair and and then

Rex Livingston grabs her and kisses her,

right?

But that'll be me,

right?

Oh, it's like a dream. How did you ever

arrange it?

Well, it was complicated, but I worked

it out.

You'll have to come across Rex

Livingston to know.

Oh, Mr. Middleman.

87

88

89

90

G Mr. Livingston, aren't you tired yet?

Not yet.

Don't lose your count.

Or would that be about 94?

Um

98

99

100

Well, Alice, what do you think

about what, Mr. Livingston?

His body. Gorgeous, isn't it?

Who's

the Rex Livingston's?

Oh, yes, Mr. Livingston.

Oh, call me Rex, my dear.

Oh, cocktail time.

Be a darling, will you? And do me the

honors.

Oh, sure. Where?

Over there on the bed table.

There's only this bottle of Cameron root

juice.

That's it. Fix one for yourself.

It's the gracest. Prevents aging.

My guru put me onto it.

He's been drinking it for 142 years.

142 years. The thing we drink.

Gosh, I get tired of it.

The true

romance.

Oh, two romance. Oh, gee, Mr.

Livingston, this is so exciting.

My god, that's true.

Hello.

Gee, Mr. Livingston,

I know. Don't try to speak my darling.

La.

Oh.

Oh,

you are.

You are.

Uh, Alistister, I can't be careful.

Oh,

sorry, Mr.

God. Gorgeous.

Who?

Where?

Oh,

careful.

Well, would you mind just cheating

around a little? Let's right a little to

the left. Let's go.

Oh, splendor, isn't that?

Oh,

here. Oh, hi Marin.

No, nothing much. How about you

in just a minute? Yeah, I got it right

here.

Uh, let's see. Scenes 52 through 58,

elephants. Uh, no, it's been postponed.

They're not going to shoot that for a

couple more weeks.

Well, look, it's not my decision, Myin.

You know what it's like to work for Gay

Van Hilmo,

right? He thinks Deil might have made it

if he didn't think so small.

You know, that's a neat way to fix him,

Zon. How did you ever think of it?

Just one of the tricks of the trade,

kid.

You want to learn some others?

Oh, would I?

I thought you'd never ask. How's this?

Jesus.

What was that? Ain't she ready yet?

Oh god, I would have thought so.

Well, kid, you're on your way. Stairway

to stardom.

The stairway to stardom. That gives me

goosebumps. Oh, gee, Mr. Middleman, you

sure have a way with words.

Yeah. Uh, speaking of which, do you

remember yours?

My what?

You know your words, you

Oh, yes. It was much easier this time.

Yeah. Only three days.

A line a day.

Gee, I can't believe what's been

happening to me in the last few weeks.

Neither can I. Now listen, Alice, you

are going to be

extra careful.

Oh, yes.

Good. Okay,

Alice. Darling,

please.

This is

Yes. It's scene 37 again, JC. The

one where the uh actresses keep having

the accidents.

Well, yes and no, JC.

Yes and no.

Yes. U about the accidents.

And no.

No. About the actresses. It's uh the one

actress.

Of course.

You suppose that you could point out to

dismiss Miss Goodbody, too.

That's her, sir, standing over there

next to Rex.

I think she'll be okay, JC.

Actually, she's quite a talented girl.

I'm sure.

Why is she doing this to me?

Oh my god. J. It's all right. Look.

You suppose that she's decided not to

prosecute me?

It sure looks that way. JC,

now now you you be

incredible.

A brilliant screen career tragically cut

short just like Carol Lombard. Oh, come

on, Alice.

Or maybe it was more like Betty Davis in

Dark Victory. She had a brain tumor.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Alice. All you

got is a busted nose, a slight

concussion, and a twisted ankle.

That's easy for you to say.

What is?

That those things are all I've got.

But that is all you got. Those ladies

you're comparing yourself to, they died.

I might as well. What's it all for

anyway?

Are you kidding? Here you are in the

most glamorous business in the world on

your way to fame and happiness. And the

second you get a few bruises, you start

to ask what's it all for?

I guess I just forgot all the glamour

for a minute.

I guess so.

So when will I ever get another chance?

Well,

in about 3 weeks.

In about 3 weeks.

Uh-huh.

Oh, Mr. Middleman.

But here's the best part. You know who

Barbie Divine is?

Oh, everybody knows who Barbie Divine

is. She's the new Deborah Pageant,

right?

She's playing Porsche. What's his name's

wife?

Brutus.

And that gorgeous gown.

Not anymore. She isn't.

She's playing it without the gown.

She's not playing Porsche.

Really?

Mhm.

Alice,

fate has stepped in.

Barbie Divine eloped yesterday with a

convertible sofa tycoon from New Jersey.

And you mean

I

And you, kid? What did I tell you? You

can count on all my ring.

Oh, Mr. Middleman. I I'm speechless.

That's the problem. You're not. You got

a page and a half of dialogue plus one

chorus of Hail Caesar. Now,

can you handle that?

With your help, Mr. Middleman, I know I

can.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Part of the

deal is that you make it with the

director,

Mr. Van Himl,

JC himself.

Oh wow, that night in Rio. I've seen

that eight times

in springtime in Perry. Oh, I loved it.

I bet Hollywood was really glamorous

then. Spies. It was full of spies.

Spies?

What are you concealing in that bag?

Gosh, Mr. Van Hill, I wasn't concealing

anything. I was just getting out my

little rose.

Are you always so well equipped?

Well, gee, I didn't used to be. I seem

to be getting chilly a lot lately.

Who are you working for, Miss Good

Buddy?

Gee, I hadn't thought about it. You, I

guess.

Don't try to be funny.

Who hired you?

How did you become involved?

Well, until about a month ago, I worked

for Mr. Papadopoulos.

And then, uh,

are you one of those shoe and underwear

freaks?

Papadopoulos.

He's

a Greek producer.

He hasn't done much lately.

Hamburgers.

He never did quality films.

I never even knew he was in the movie

business.

Oh, he was always very secretive. What

did he watch?

Gosh, I don't know.

Don't play dumb. He did send you, didn't

he?

G. No. Mr. Middleman sent me.

Middleman.

The little Jew with the sunglasses.

So he's the one.

I didn't know that.

That he was plotting against me.

Then Mr. Middleman is Jewish.

The old assistant production manager

trick.

Trick.

Slowing down the production by causing a

series of so-called accidents.

Really? That's terrible. What kind of

accidents?

Can it be that you are only a duke?

No,

I think I'm a Pisces.

middleman. Huh?

I wonder what he wants.

Gee, I know he'd like to get rid of some

elephants.

Is he working alone?

Gosh, I don't know, Mr. Van Himl. He

talks to Arnold Ner and Roger Mkin a

lot.

Mer and Merkin.

I should have guessed.

This is marvelous, my dear. Marvelous.

What is Mr. Van Himl?

That they are all in it together.

And what?

The plot against me.

Oh.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yes, sir.

Uh, you want me to turn off the light?

No.

Gee, this is nice.

Why did you want to turn out the lights?

Oh, I don't know. My mother always said

you wanted to signal them, didn't you?

Huh?

All right, Alice.

Why are you here?

Well, gosh, Mr. middleman said I could

have Barbie Divine's part.

Ah, so she's in it, too.

They're all in it.

Papa Spearman, a lot of them.

Spearman.

Manny Spearman.

Head of massive pictures. Oh, he's been

plotting against me for years.

But why?

The bigger you are, the more people are

out to get you.

Boy, that's the truth.

But I'm not Mr. Van Himl. Really?

Perhaps you aren't, my dear.

Oh, God. Alice,

it's so lonely at the top.

Oh, gee, Mr. Van Himl, food would make

you feel better. I'd be glad to get on

top.

[Laughter]

What's that?

My diaphragm, I guess.

[Applause]

Is that all right?

Is there anything I can do to help?

No. No. I I think maybe we better stop.

Gosh, I'm sorry. Nothing like this has

ever happened before.

I guess I This must be bugged.

Bug? I knew it. I knew that wasn't the

diaphragm.

Come here. Look, JC.

These goddamn bills are piling up. It's

going on four weeks now.

They need your signature, JC.

Oh no. Non Merkel can't sign for without

your signature.

Nerkel

and the elephant.

Does that mean Jace?

Uh, Mr. Van Hill, I don't think you

understand.

You're leaving me holding the bag.

Hey, that's not funny, sir.

The same to you, shitheel.

Gosh, what are you going to do?

Damned if I know, Alice. But I'll find

some way to get even with those

bastards.

Poor Mr. Middleman.

How much do you owe?

About 11,000 bucks.

Wow. I bet you could buy seven elephants

for that.

That's just what I need.

I'm listening.

Roger Merkel, Mr. Spearman.

Um, look, I'm very sorry to bother you,

sir, but we're having a very serious

problem with the coliseum and the parade

scenes. Well,

sir,

we were supposed to start shooting them

off.

The elephants are gone.

The elephants

in the coliseum and and parade scenes.

Well, sir, they've disappeared.

I'm listening.

Well, I'm trying to tell you, sir. We We

can't shoot.

We've got to pay 914

extras and we can't shoot.

I'm listening. I'm trying to explain,

Mr. Speman. The only output guy refuses

to run him to us.

Don't buy him. It's no good, sir. I

tried. Don't they know I manage

Spearman? I told him.

Well, they uh

they said, "Who's he?"

But they got all the elephants, Mr.

Spearman.

Bastards.

What's our number?

It's um

um

a seven a 61

76 71

there.

Well, you look simply stunning, darling.

Gee, Ivon, I'd never know this was made

for Barbie Divine. Well, all I needed

was a little more full here.

Really?

You like that, honey?

Gosh, I guess any girl would. I can

hardly believe it.

Better feel so good.

That mine are bigger than Barbie divine.

Oh, dear God.

Tell me the truth, Mr. Middleman. Did

you really know mine was bigger than

Barbie Divine?

Oh, yeah. The minute I saw him.

You sure am a lucky girl. Well, now you

will be if you get through the sea now.

You got your lines down.

I think it unkind that you do.

Okay. Okay. Um,

now you remember what I told you.

Hey, G. I don't

about being groomed for the big time.

Oh, I can never forget that.

Okay. Okay. For God's sakes, don't blow

this because I might not be able to help

you again.

Oh, dear. Mr. Middleman, you're in

trouble, aren't you?

Please, please. Well, I'm not sure, but

wish me luck.

Good luck

for both of us.

Any sign of the elephants?

Negative.

Oh, tough luck. You know, I really feel

like a heel dumping them in your lap.

Well, you do. It's not your fault.

Spearman know yet?

I know.

Oh, bad.

A lot of belches.

That's bad.

Mhm.

What's the bottom line?

He's going to handle it himself.

Okay, Charlie, kill the hammering.

All right, Miss Goodbody. Now, do you

cut slightly to the left?

That's perfect.

If you please, Miss Good Body.

Thank you. Now you'll lower your chin.

Lovely. Just lovely.

Oh god. But never end.

Clever. I must admit you're clever.

Once again, Miss Goodbody.

Are you

kid? I got to admit I like your style.

There's more.

Jesus,

that's terrific.

I thought you'd like it.

Like it? It's fuckingastic.

What's it going to cost me?

Wait, you haven't heard the best part

yet.

I'm listening.

Timoo, the bull elephant,

he's your trademark. See,

I'm listening. You keep Timoo tethered

out there on your lawn. A living symbol

of Manny Spearman and massive pictures.

Think of it. This is already a

showplace. But Beverly Hills is full of

showplaces. Yours would be the only one

with a live bull elephant on the lawn.

Sand sational.

You're a real piece of work.

Give me the numbers.

Okay. The six elephants, the designs,

the numbers.

The whole package is yours for 75,000.

75,000? You're out of your mind,

little one.

Okay. Okay. I should have known better

than to pull a stunt like this on Manny

Spearman. I mean, Mayor Kalpa, Manny,

I've been holding out on you.

Timbo looks great, doesn't he?

But there's something missing.

Symmetry.

I mentioned Timu. And how great he look

on your lawn.

I'm listening.

I got another bull. Timoo's twin

brother.

Now, imagine if you will, the two of

them out there

flanking the gates to your driveway.

Think of it. It'd be positively majestic

and certainly unique in all of Beverly

Hills,

possibly in all of Southern California.

I'm listening.

I'll throw in Timoo's twin brother for

another

5,000.

It's a deal,

kid. You're going to do all right in the

movie, Grizzard.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's worth

it. I mean, getting banged up like this

and all

not worth it. For Christ's sake, Alice,

there millions of girls out there give

anything to be in your shoes.

My shoe, you mean?

I mean, it's a pretty small price to pay

for the chance to see your name up there

in lights.

Maybe you're right. I guess I'm a pretty

lucky girl.

Yeah, you're damn right, young kid.

You're in show business. Add a girl. At

a girl. Good girl. Thank you very much.

You're really sweet. Okay.

Is this car something else?

Trouble is, I had my big chance.

I paid cash for it. 22 big ones.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I'm

about these new threads. Tailor made.

I feel like Audrey Heppern and Roman

Holiday.

Someday I'm going to own this town.

Except that going back to being a

princess isn't as bad as

Jesus. Alice, will you stop already?

You're going to be fine in a few weeks.

Maybe I will, but what about my career?

Well, you let me worry about that.

You're talking to Sabu Middleman, the

Jewish elephant boy, and buddy of Manny

Spearman.

Buddy

like that.

Do you think maybe?

Maybe my ass.

Oh, Mr. Middleman, I've still got the

part.

Uh-huh. That's not all. They're

rewriting Porsche. She's going to be in

eight more scenes.

Yeah, eight more scenes.

Who's Porsche?

Oh, God. You are.

That Porsche. Gosh. Eight more scenes.

There's more.

More? I don't think I can stand it.

How would you like to be a starlet?

A starlet?

Under a fat contract to Massive

Pictures.

Please, Mr. Middleman, don't joke with

me.

No joke, kid. I got the contract right

here.

I just can't believe it. Me,

little Alice Goodbody.

A starlet.

What does a starlet do?

Well, the start is she Manny

Spearman.

I'm listening.

Think us here, Manny. How long we know

each other? 25 years. That's how long,

right? Right. And in all that time, have

I given you a bad steer? No. Cuz I'm not

one who vags enthusiastic over every

little two bit talent that shows up in

Hollywood. Right.

Right.

I'm listening.

Well, Manny, I got it here in my office

on new sensation. A performer unique in

all my years in the show business. And

that's so fabulous, in fact, that I

could think of only one man big enough

to appreciate a talent like this. Only

the greatest showman in Tinsel Town.

Manny Spielman,

I'm listening.

Are you listening?

I'm listening.

All right. So, listen.

Is that the greatest act you've heard in

25 years? Yes, of course it is. Right.

Right. And you've got an exclusive. Now,

be level with me, Manny. What do you

think?

I think it sounds like another dumb

playing a harmonica.

Well,

well, I guess this is just about the

most gorgeous boat I've ever seen. Mr.

Spearman,

it's okay.

Boy, I'll say

I bet you can't wait to go out in it.

I can wait.

Mr. Middleman told me about your house.

It sounds like a palace.

Yeah.

And the cars. Seven Rollsroyces.

So, let's get this over with. Harleen.

Uh,

Alice. Mr. Spearman.

Okay,

Alice.

Heat. Heat.

Mr. Spirit,

are you awake?

Is there a Anything

you'd

like me to do?

I'd like you to

turn me on.

Oh, gee, I'd be glad to

um Mr. experiment. Is there something

wrong?

Um, maybe I should try something else.

Why not?

Am I doing it wrong?

Not really.

How about if I try some other way?

Sure.

How's this?

Yeah.

Gee, Mr. Spearmman, isn't anything going

to work?

Probably not. Gosh,

I feel just terrible.

It's not your fault, Arlene.

Fault, Alice.

What?

Alice,

it's not your fault, Alice.

It must be.

It's not.

Do you have some kind of problem?

Boredom.

war down

wealth,

the

power,

the yacht,

the big house, the place in Palm

Springs,

all those Rolls Royes.

Heaven rolls Roy

and the sex.

Gee,

for 30 years I have been able to have

anything I wanted anywhere in a moment's

notice. I've tried it all.

Really?

Oh, that gorgeous starlets.

Four, five at a time.

Vibrators,

sheep,

whips and chains, geese. teeth,

knotted cords,

acrobats,

chickens, even a chimpanzee.

Gosh,

the ocean giggy.

Every variation known to man or beast.

Jim, none of it worked.

It all worked till about 5 years ago.

What happened?

Boredom happened.

Only a little at first, but within 6

months,

whamo.

Total everything.

Gosh, that's awful, Mr. Spearman.

Even my analyst gave up.

Said it was his first case of

terminal boredom.

I even discussing it's a bore.

Mr. Spearing, can I ask you a favor?

I'm listening.

Well, you know, all that we uh well that

I was doing before got me sort of, you

know,

turned on.

Uh-huh.

So,

well, I was wondering if you could uh

I'm listening.

They on top of me.

On top of you?

Why not

like this?

Yes, Mr. Spearman. Thank you a lot.

Mr. Spearman,

I know. I know.

Here, let me help.

See, this is great, Arlene.

Alice,

I never knew could be like this.

This romantic,

this position.

Oh, hi Avon.

You've really come up in tomorrow,

Alice. Isn't it neat?

You've gone down, I'll wag you.

What?

Oh, nothing. I've just brought your new

costume.

Oh, I can hardly wait to try them on.

Oh, God. You really are an exquisite

child.

Oh, thank you, Ivonne.

You know, one of these days I'm going to

get into your panties.

Oh, you could probably get into them

now. We're about the same size.

I don't believe.

Sure we are. Take your pick. I've got

some pretty yellow new ones uh with lace

trim in the bottom drawer. Uh come in.

Hello, Har. Come on. You're on fire.

Hello, Ivonne.

What's with her? You have a fight?

No, she just wanted to borrow my

panties. Maybe she doesn't like yellow.

Oh, so that's a thing.

Actually, she'd look good in yellow.

Hey, Carl. We got to get you out there.

Oh, Mr. Milman, I'm so nervous.

Oh, don't worry, kid. I watched your

rehearsals. You look great.

Oh, remembering all those words gave me

a headache.

Yeah,

so you've come to see the conspiracy in

action, huh? I've come

to find out when you're going to finish

this scene.

It's cost me $3 million already.

Alice, we're going to end up with a huge

closeup on you. So, stay in your mark

and keep looking into Rex's eyes.

Okay, Mr. Van Hamill. And uh Alice, uh

be a good girl. Tell me. Are they

planning anything for today?

Planning? Gee, I

I must know, Alice, so that I can stop

them.

Well, I wasn't supposed to tell you, but

they're planning a big party for after

we finish the scene. It's a surprise,

of course. So, that's when they're going

to do it.

But at least they're finally going to

let me finish this goddamn scene.

But I don't think you'll be able to stop

them, Mr. Van Haml. Oh,

the coconuts and Pepsi have been

delivered. I saw them.

That's a better sign.

All right, we're going to begin on kind.

Y Caesar has but three trust.

Roll sound

market

370 take one

kind Anthony Caesar has but fleeting

trust in those three.

Well, I know this Porsche,

but such scant faith may yet be his

undoing.

Indeed, so fear I.

Oh, noble Anthony, if only he would

attend your wise counsel.

What's to be done?

To persuade him of the danger. I know

not. And yet,

and yet we must. Ah, but perhaps he

already knows, already senses his peril,

and

and perceives it as by fate.

Alas, I believe we may be of one mind,

Anthony.

Uh, be of one mind, Anthony.

You're going too late.

Be of one mind, Anthony.

Oh my god.

Alice. Alice. Alice, where are you?

Jesus. What?

Alice, are you okay?

Uhhuh.

Mr. Middleman,

can I ask you a question?

Show, kid. What?

Who do I have to to get out of this

movie?

thinking of sunshine sing

this dream world with nobody there

soon maybe one day will come

Shiny and new. Now that I'm here, I'll

say, "Ain't me. This is the place I

would rather be." Now that I'm here,