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1
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My name is Ash. And I am a slave.
2
00:00:35,231 --> 00:00:38,079
Close as I can figure it,
the year is 1300 AD...
3
00:00:38,143 --> 00:00:40,565
...and I am being dragged to my death.
4
00:00:40,704 --> 00:00:42,460
It wasn't always like this.
5
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,374
I had a real life once.
6
00:00:47,232 --> 00:00:48,344
A job.
7
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Hardware. Aisle 12.
Shop smart, shop S-Mart.
8
00:00:58,784 --> 00:01:01,653
I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda.
9
00:01:04,704 --> 00:01:07,868
Together we drove to a small cabin
in the mountains.
10
00:01:11,743 --> 00:01:14,591
It seems an archeologist
had come to this remote place...
11
00:01:14,656 --> 00:01:17,143
...to translate and study his latest find.
12
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Necronomicon ex Mortis.
The Book of the Dead.
13
00:01:24,735 --> 00:01:27,867
Bound in human flesh and inked in blood...
14
00:01:28,096 --> 00:01:32,154
...this ancient Sumerian text contained
bizarre burial rites...
15
00:01:32,511 --> 00:01:36,821
...funerary incantations
and demon resurrection passages.
16
00:01:38,112 --> 00:01:40,730
It was never meant
for the world of the living.
17
00:01:41,151 --> 00:01:43,868
The book awoke something
dark in the woods.
18
00:01:50,495 --> 00:01:51,924
It took Linda.
19
00:01:53,056 --> 00:01:54,943
And then it came for me.
20
00:01:56,352 --> 00:02:01,109
It got into my hand and it went bad.
So I lopped it off at the wrist.
21
00:02:07,104 --> 00:02:09,624
But that didn't stop it. It came back.
22
00:02:12,223 --> 00:02:13,433
Big time.
23
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,276
For God's sake! How do you stop it?
24
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,468
Surround the stranger!
25
00:03:41,919 --> 00:03:44,570
Where the hell...
26
00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:59,063
Easy now, chief.
I don't know how I got here.
27
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,324
And I'm not looking for any trouble.
28
00:04:06,304 --> 00:04:07,962
What a piece of armor this is!
29
00:04:09,568 --> 00:04:10,615
Wiseman!
30
00:04:16,063 --> 00:04:19,641
My lord, I believe he is the one
written of in the Necronomicon.
31
00:04:20,063 --> 00:04:22,365
He who is prophesied to fall
from the heavens...
32
00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:24,820
...and deliver us from
the terrors of the Deadites.
33
00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:26,713
What? That buffoon?
34
00:04:27,039 --> 00:04:28,250
Likely...
35
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,942
...he's one of Henry's men!
36
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:34,485
Kneel, rapscallion!
37
00:04:35,744 --> 00:04:37,816
I say, to the pit with him!
38
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,147
- To the pit!
- You miserable bastard!
39
00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:48,405
Get off of me!
40
00:04:50,687 --> 00:04:51,964
Let me go!
41
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,589
To the castle!
42
00:05:05,023 --> 00:05:08,340
Pick up your feet!
Stop dragging your feet! Come on!
43
00:05:08,511 --> 00:05:13,083
Move along. Come on, now.
Come on, pick it up.
44
00:05:13,952 --> 00:05:15,894
Have a taste of this!
45
00:05:22,432 --> 00:05:23,577
All right, you men!
46
00:05:23,648 --> 00:05:27,706
You've got something to look forward to
when you get back to the castle!
47
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:31,895
Lord Arthur approaches!
Raise the portcullis!
48
00:05:33,856 --> 00:05:37,598
Lord Arthur! Lord Arthur approaches!
49
00:06:25,536 --> 00:06:29,562
Lord Arthur, where is my brother?
Did he not ride with you?
50
00:06:29,759 --> 00:06:31,701
Aye, and fought valiantly.
51
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,222
But last night he fell in battle
to Duke Henry's men.
52
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,374
I'm sorry, Sheila.
53
00:06:38,624 --> 00:06:40,533
- Come on.
- You cretin!
54
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,997
Stop it, you bastards!
55
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,854
Barbarians!
56
00:06:48,255 --> 00:06:50,677
Stop it! Stop it, you little bastards!
57
00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:51,700
Beat it!
58
00:06:55,487 --> 00:06:56,862
Foul thing!
59
00:06:57,599 --> 00:07:00,316
A pox on your throat!
Thou art a murderer!
60
00:07:00,735 --> 00:07:02,077
A bloody murderer!
61
00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:09,372
My brother's death shall be avenged!
62
00:07:23,104 --> 00:07:25,144
Company, halt!
63
00:07:29,056 --> 00:07:30,583
Get that yoke off him!
64
00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:46,653
You, sir, are not one of my vassals.
65
00:07:48,383 --> 00:07:49,725
Who are you?
66
00:07:50,624 --> 00:07:52,217
Who wants to know?
67
00:07:53,312 --> 00:07:56,410
I am Henry the Red. Duke of Shale.
68
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,549
Lord of the Northlands
and leader of its peoples.
69
00:08:00,415 --> 00:08:04,638
Well, hello, Mister Fancy Pants.
I got news for you, pal.
70
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:07,799
You ain't leading but two things right now,
jack and shit.
71
00:08:08,127 --> 00:08:10,680
- And Jack left town.
- Shut your bleedin' hole!
72
00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:13,690
Gentlemen, Lord Arthur!
73
00:08:21,887 --> 00:08:24,440
There is an evil awakened in this land.
74
00:08:25,407 --> 00:08:28,953
And while my people fight
for their very souls against it...
75
00:08:29,151 --> 00:08:31,769
...you, Henry the Red, wage war on us.
76
00:08:32,031 --> 00:08:33,438
Charlatan!
77
00:08:35,744 --> 00:08:38,591
It was you who first turned
your swords on us.
78
00:08:38,655 --> 00:08:41,525
And this evil has befouled
my people as well!
79
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,599
Your people are no better
than the foul corruption...
80
00:08:44,671 --> 00:08:46,776
...that lies in the bowels of that pit!
81
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,732
Right! You're no better!
82
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:51,317
May God have mercy upon your souls.
83
00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:08,827
In God's name!
What hell-spawned thing lurks there?
84
00:09:14,112 --> 00:09:17,560
Into the pit
with those bloodthirsty sons of whores.
85
00:09:18,111 --> 00:09:19,158
Move!
86
00:09:19,808 --> 00:09:20,756
No!
87
00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:53,080
God! Heavenly God!
88
00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,356
He's escaping!
89
00:09:59,711 --> 00:10:01,140
Hold him!
90
00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:36,404
They don't look so clever now, do they?
91
00:10:36,479 --> 00:10:38,072
He's frightened!
92
00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:44,156
Whoa, whoa! Wait a minute.
93
00:10:45,504 --> 00:10:47,576
Hold it. Wait a minute!
94
00:10:47,743 --> 00:10:49,718
You gotta understand, man.
95
00:10:50,335 --> 00:10:53,118
I never even saw these assholes before!
96
00:10:54,015 --> 00:10:55,324
He trembles!
97
00:10:57,151 --> 00:10:58,810
What are you waiting for?
98
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,469
Henry, you gotta tell them
you don't know me.
99
00:11:02,143 --> 00:11:03,965
We never met, tell them!
100
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,861
I do not think he'll listen, lad.
101
00:11:10,687 --> 00:11:14,713
Look, I'm telling you.
You've got the wrong guy.
102
00:11:24,735 --> 00:11:27,703
I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy.
103
00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:41,946
Why, you...
104
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:51,416
- Spikes.
- Hey, he said spikes! Give him spikes!
105
00:13:05,023 --> 00:13:07,674
Make way! Strange one!
106
00:13:19,071 --> 00:13:20,086
Strange one!
107
00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:46,589
Damn you.
108
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,174
You know, your shoelace is untied.
109
00:15:20,703 --> 00:15:21,980
All right.
110
00:15:23,679 --> 00:15:25,141
Who wants some?
111
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,640
Who's next?
112
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,198
How about it?
113
00:15:31,776 --> 00:15:35,998
Who wants some?
Who wants to have a little?
114
00:15:40,576 --> 00:15:41,524
You.
115
00:15:45,407 --> 00:15:47,000
You want some more?
116
00:15:51,392 --> 00:15:52,799
You want a little?
117
00:15:55,359 --> 00:15:57,880
Do you? You want some more?
118
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,695
Now, get on those horses
and get out of here.
119
00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:21,501
Let them go!
120
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:44,884
Halt!
121
00:16:46,304 --> 00:16:48,475
Thank you, generous hosts!
122
00:16:49,952 --> 00:16:51,479
Sword boy!
123
00:16:59,007 --> 00:17:02,553
For that arrogance, I shall see you dead.
124
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:09,978
Sorcery!
125
00:17:12,671 --> 00:17:13,719
Yeah.
126
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,655
All right, you primitive screwheads,
listen up.
127
00:17:18,623 --> 00:17:19,965
See this?
128
00:17:20,928 --> 00:17:24,441
This is my boom stick!
129
00:17:25,728 --> 00:17:29,787
It's a 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington.
S-Mart's top of the line.
130
00:17:30,528 --> 00:17:32,949
You can find this
in the sporting goods department.
131
00:17:33,504 --> 00:17:36,602
That's right, this sweet baby was made
in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
132
00:17:36,959 --> 00:17:39,294
It retails for about $109.95.
133
00:17:39,776 --> 00:17:44,282
It's got a walnut stock,
cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger.
134
00:17:44,928 --> 00:17:49,532
That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.
135
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,767
You got that?
136
00:17:52,735 --> 00:17:54,426
Now, I swear...
137
00:17:55,328 --> 00:17:57,597
...the next one of you primates...
138
00:17:58,239 --> 00:18:00,312
...even touches me...
139
00:18:28,576 --> 00:18:32,918
Now, let's talk about how I get back home.
140
00:19:02,784 --> 00:19:05,085
I prithee to forgive me, my Lord.
141
00:19:05,472 --> 00:19:07,861
I believed thee one of Henry's men.
142
00:19:08,192 --> 00:19:11,126
First you wanna kill me,
now you wanna kiss me.
143
00:19:12,703 --> 00:19:13,750
Blow.
144
00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:20,509
So what's the deal?
Can you send me back or not?
145
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:24,886
Only the Necronomicon has the power,
an unholy book which we also require.
146
00:19:25,151 --> 00:19:28,861
Within its pages are passages
that can send you back to your time.
147
00:19:29,056 --> 00:19:31,609
Only you, the promised one,
can quest for it.
148
00:19:32,831 --> 00:19:35,734
I don't want your book.
I don't want your bullshit!
149
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:39,036
Just send me back to my own time.
Pronto! Today! Chop...
150
00:19:48,831 --> 00:19:51,581
You shall die!
151
00:19:56,831 --> 00:19:59,930
You shall never take the Necronomicon.
152
00:20:00,607 --> 00:20:04,349
We shall feast upon your souls!
153
00:20:26,687 --> 00:20:28,924
It's a trick. Get an ax.
154
00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,949
Guards! Kill her!
155
00:20:39,328 --> 00:20:41,564
Capture the witch! Capture the witch!
156
00:20:42,303 --> 00:20:45,238
My eyes! I'm blind! Oh, God, I'm blind!
157
00:20:47,199 --> 00:20:48,181
No!
158
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,869
Yo, she-bitch!
159
00:20:56,543 --> 00:20:57,754
Let's go.
160
00:21:19,456 --> 00:21:22,173
If the Necronomicon fell into
the hands of the Deadites...
161
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,728
...all mankind will be consumed
by this evil.
162
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,101
Now will thou quest for the book?
163
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:41,594
That one.
164
00:22:07,648 --> 00:22:08,989
Groovy.
165
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,822
What's the matter, you raised in a barn?
Shut the door.
166
00:22:25,152 --> 00:22:28,185
Probably was raised in a barn,
with all the other primitives.
167
00:22:36,927 --> 00:22:39,862
The Wisemen say that thou art
the promised one.
168
00:22:43,551 --> 00:22:46,333
'Tis said thou wilt journey for the book
to help us.
169
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,985
And that thou wilt lead our people
against the evil.
170
00:22:49,055 --> 00:22:52,186
The only reason I'm going to get the book
is to get home.
171
00:22:58,144 --> 00:23:00,315
I believe thou wilt be leaving
in the morning.
172
00:23:00,383 --> 00:23:01,845
Don't touch that, please!
173
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,531
Your primitive intellect wouldn't
understand alloys and compositions...
174
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,633
...and things with molecular structures
and the...
175
00:23:11,168 --> 00:23:12,990
What are you doing here, anyway?
176
00:23:13,983 --> 00:23:18,042
I wanted to say that all of my hopes
and prayers go with thee...
177
00:23:18,336 --> 00:23:20,375
...and I made this for thee.
178
00:23:21,376 --> 00:23:23,765
Good. I could use a horse blanket.
179
00:23:45,184 --> 00:23:47,006
Give me some sugar, baby.
180
00:24:49,696 --> 00:24:51,125
Come on, boys!
181
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:13,022
Steady, now.
182
00:25:18,496 --> 00:25:22,751
- What? What is it?
- This path will lead you to an unholy place.
183
00:25:23,263 --> 00:25:26,743
A cemetery.
There the Necronomicon awaits.
184
00:25:30,399 --> 00:25:33,815
When thou retrievest the book from
its cradle, you must recite the words:
185
00:25:34,048 --> 00:25:36,633
"Klaatu, barada, nikto."
186
00:25:37,248 --> 00:25:41,404
- Klaatu, barada, nikto. Okay.
- Well, repeat them.
187
00:25:42,752 --> 00:25:45,818
- Klaatu, barada, nikto.
- Again!
188
00:25:45,888 --> 00:25:49,084
I got it! I got it!
I know your damn words, all right?
189
00:25:49,728 --> 00:25:51,768
Now, you get this straight,
the both of you!
190
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,327
If I get that book, you send me back.
191
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,920
After that, I'm history.
192
00:26:58,111 --> 00:26:59,638
What is it, boy?
193
00:27:22,496 --> 00:27:24,056
Come on!
194
00:31:02,559 --> 00:31:04,348
Ramming speed!
195
00:31:12,351 --> 00:31:14,042
Ready. Aim. Fire!
196
00:31:29,152 --> 00:31:30,493
Shake a leg!
197
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,170
You lousy little...
198
00:31:46,367 --> 00:31:49,629
Yeah! I'm gonna hunt down all you...
199
00:32:05,952 --> 00:32:08,156
You little bastards! All right!
200
00:32:08,416 --> 00:32:12,245
I'll crush each and every one of you.
I'll crush you to pieces, I'm telling you!
201
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,451
I'll squash you so hard,
you'll have to look up to see...
202
00:32:15,519 --> 00:32:16,926
Hey, dumb ass!
203
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,076
Surf's up!
204
00:32:32,768 --> 00:32:34,262
All together now!
205
00:32:51,264 --> 00:32:52,311
Shit!
206
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,116
Quietly. Gently.
207
00:33:12,351 --> 00:33:14,009
Easy, big fella. Easy.
208
00:33:27,584 --> 00:33:30,682
"London Bridge is falling down
209
00:33:30,816 --> 00:33:35,453
"Falling down, falling down"
210
00:33:37,311 --> 00:33:39,166
"My fair lady"
211
00:33:50,399 --> 00:33:51,960
Is he up? Is he?
212
00:34:00,159 --> 00:34:02,680
What a horrible nightmare.
213
00:34:04,287 --> 00:34:05,661
Wait a minute.
214
00:34:05,855 --> 00:34:07,742
Oh, God!
215
00:34:08,512 --> 00:34:10,300
I can't move!
216
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:23,901
Open wide!
217
00:34:25,055 --> 00:34:26,265
Let's go!
218
00:34:27,808 --> 00:34:30,677
Geronimo!
219
00:34:36,479 --> 00:34:37,690
Let's go!
220
00:34:59,871 --> 00:35:04,061
Okay, little fella.
How about some hot chocolate?
221
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:18,266
How'd you like the taste of that?
How'd you like the taste...
222
00:35:35,391 --> 00:35:37,879
Dear God! It's growing bigger!
223
00:36:00,032 --> 00:36:01,014
- Hey!
- Hey!
224
00:36:01,088 --> 00:36:03,357
- What's the big idea...
- What's the big idea...
225
00:36:03,424 --> 00:36:04,886
- Why, you...
- Why, you...
226
00:36:09,376 --> 00:36:11,099
I'm blind. I'm blind.
227
00:36:21,183 --> 00:36:23,071
Where are you taking me?
228
00:36:23,391 --> 00:36:26,969
"Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me
229
00:36:27,039 --> 00:36:31,163
"'Cause I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee"
230
00:36:44,288 --> 00:36:45,695
What are you?
231
00:36:46,368 --> 00:36:47,644
Are you me?
232
00:36:47,807 --> 00:36:49,815
"What are you? Are you me?"
233
00:36:51,712 --> 00:36:54,199
- You sound like a jerk!
- Why are you doing this?
234
00:36:54,271 --> 00:36:57,337
You want to know?
Because the answer's easy.
235
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,335
I'm bad Ash. And you're good Ash.
236
00:37:01,568 --> 00:37:04,917
You're goody little two-shoes.
You're goody little two-shoes.
237
00:37:33,248 --> 00:37:34,841
I ain't that good.
238
00:38:45,504 --> 00:38:47,391
Now you see what's what.
239
00:38:48,863 --> 00:38:51,580
A man's body is his own personal property.
240
00:38:52,992 --> 00:38:56,058
Don't let anybody try
and take that away from him.
241
00:38:57,663 --> 00:39:01,340
That'll teach you. Yeah. That'll teach you.
242
00:39:03,775 --> 00:39:06,328
You shall never retrieve the Necronomicon.
243
00:39:06,464 --> 00:39:09,333
You'll die in the graveyard
before you get it.
244
00:39:09,887 --> 00:39:12,953
Hey, what's that you got on your face?
245
00:39:15,839 --> 00:39:18,709
- See how that works?
- I'll come back for you.
246
00:39:37,088 --> 00:39:38,495
Come on, boy!
247
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:53,912
Come on!
248
00:41:08,992 --> 00:41:10,104
Three books?
249
00:41:14,527 --> 00:41:16,535
Wait a minute. Hold it.
250
00:41:16,959 --> 00:41:20,156
Nobody said anything about three books.
251
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:22,650
That stinking Wiseman!
252
00:41:22,815 --> 00:41:25,433
He was so busy filling me
with his secret words...
253
00:41:25,503 --> 00:41:29,595
...and his phrases, and his bullshit,
that he never said anything about this.
254
00:41:31,263 --> 00:41:35,966
Like what am I supposed to do?
Take one book, or all books, or what?
255
00:42:38,976 --> 00:42:40,285
Wrong book.
256
00:43:31,455 --> 00:43:32,917
Get outta here!
257
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:44,661
I'll get back to you.
258
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:47,610
Well...
259
00:43:49,343 --> 00:43:51,351
...it seems fairly obvious.
260
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,549
Wait a minute. The words. Right.
261
00:43:59,584 --> 00:44:01,373
Say the words.
262
00:44:04,832 --> 00:44:06,042
Klaatu...
263
00:44:06,783 --> 00:44:08,125
...barada...
264
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:17,175
Necktie.
265
00:44:17,695 --> 00:44:18,775
Nectar.
266
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:20,344
Nickel.
267
00:44:21,119 --> 00:44:25,178
Noodle. It's an "N" word.
It's definitely an "N" word.
268
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,429
Definitely an "N" word!
269
00:44:41,695 --> 00:44:44,346
Klaatu, barada...
270
00:44:59,744 --> 00:45:01,053
Okay, then.
271
00:45:02,176 --> 00:45:03,452
That's it.
272
00:45:13,567 --> 00:45:16,088
Hey! Wait a minute.
273
00:45:16,607 --> 00:45:20,219
Everything's cool. I said the word. I did!
274
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:23,862
No! Wait!
275
00:45:29,216 --> 00:45:30,198
No!
276
00:45:37,919 --> 00:45:40,985
You, people, seek cover! To the parapet!
277
00:45:42,144 --> 00:45:43,802
Seek your children.
278
00:45:45,632 --> 00:45:47,225
Steady the horses!
279
00:45:47,808 --> 00:45:50,296
Something's wrong. Something's amiss.
280
00:46:22,304 --> 00:46:23,765
Where'd you go?
281
00:46:58,144 --> 00:47:01,308
I'll crush you!
I'll mash your faces, you bony creatures!
282
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,622
Keep your damn, filthy bones
out of my mouth.
283
00:47:30,495 --> 00:47:31,673
Come on!
284
00:47:37,184 --> 00:47:41,918
I'm through being their garbage boy.
I did my part. Now I want back.
285
00:47:42,175 --> 00:47:43,736
Like in the deal.
286
00:47:57,535 --> 00:47:59,259
I...
287
00:47:59,424 --> 00:48:01,049
...live...
288
00:48:02,527 --> 00:48:04,829
...again!
289
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:17,855
There! The promised one!
The promised one's returned!
290
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,312
Raise the portcullis!
291
00:48:32,543 --> 00:48:36,918
Truly, he is the promised one!
He's brought the Necronomicon.
292
00:48:36,991 --> 00:48:38,846
- Hi.
- He's got the book!
293
00:48:38,911 --> 00:48:40,253
Yeah, great.
294
00:48:41,056 --> 00:48:43,096
Get the fuck out of my face.
295
00:48:48,992 --> 00:48:52,701
The Necronomicon, quickly.
Did you bring the Necronomicon?
296
00:48:53,696 --> 00:48:56,216
- Yeah, it's just that...
- Just what?
297
00:48:57,599 --> 00:48:59,868
Nothing. Here.
298
00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:08,663
Now send me back. Like in the deal.
299
00:49:09,088 --> 00:49:13,463
When you removed the Necronomicon
from the cradle, did you speak the words?
300
00:49:13,792 --> 00:49:16,726
- Yeah, basically.
- Did you speak the exact words?
301
00:49:16,799 --> 00:49:19,647
Look, maybe I didn't say every single,
little tiny syllable...
302
00:49:19,712 --> 00:49:22,395
...but basically, I said 'em.
- Dung-eating fool!
303
00:49:22,463 --> 00:49:24,318
Thou hast doomed us all.
304
00:49:24,448 --> 00:49:27,863
When thou misspoke the words,
the army of the dead awoke.
305
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,072
Now, whoa, right there, spinach-chin.
306
00:49:30,272 --> 00:49:33,087
You said you could clean this mess up
once you got that book.
307
00:49:33,152 --> 00:49:36,981
That there's a passage in there that could
get rid of this thing and send me back.
308
00:49:37,055 --> 00:49:40,121
It's true, the book still possesses
the power to send you back.
309
00:49:40,191 --> 00:49:44,315
But to us, it is useless! The evil has
a terrible hunger for the Necronomicon.
310
00:49:44,383 --> 00:49:46,685
And it will come here to get it!
311
00:49:47,456 --> 00:49:48,885
We had a deal.
312
00:49:49,503 --> 00:49:52,154
You wanted the damn book,
I got it for you!
313
00:49:52,223 --> 00:49:54,328
I did my part, now you send me back!
314
00:49:54,399 --> 00:49:55,544
Very well.
315
00:49:55,744 --> 00:49:59,737
As we are men of our word,
we shall honor our bargain.
316
00:50:00,863 --> 00:50:03,733
The Wiseman shall return you
to your own time.
317
00:50:04,576 --> 00:50:05,623
Yeah?
318
00:50:07,008 --> 00:50:08,382
I thought he was the one.
319
00:50:08,447 --> 00:50:11,796
Yeah, right, because that was the deal.
320
00:50:12,127 --> 00:50:16,382
So when do you think we can start
with all the thing and the...
321
00:50:16,448 --> 00:50:18,302
He's nothing but a traitor, he is!
322
00:50:19,103 --> 00:50:23,227
When do you think we can start
with all the ceremony and the...
323
00:50:23,999 --> 00:50:27,065
...you know, like, you know, because...
324
00:50:27,616 --> 00:50:30,299
...sooner's always better than later, right?
325
00:50:30,688 --> 00:50:35,706
- Wretched excuse for a man.
- The Wisemen were fools to trust in you.
326
00:50:37,151 --> 00:50:40,828
- I knew he couldn't be trusted.
- I trusted him.
327
00:50:42,208 --> 00:50:44,761
I still believe that thou wilt help us.
328
00:50:44,896 --> 00:50:48,278
Sheila. Don't you get it? It's over.
329
00:50:49,919 --> 00:50:51,926
I didn't have what it took.
330
00:50:54,111 --> 00:50:55,289
So long.
331
00:51:00,448 --> 00:51:01,877
You would leave me?
332
00:51:02,368 --> 00:51:04,986
Cripes, I don't belong here.
333
00:51:06,368 --> 00:51:08,637
I got a chance to go back, and I'm taking it.
334
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,939
But what of the things that we've shared?
335
00:51:11,008 --> 00:51:14,303
What of all the sweet words
that you spoke in private?
336
00:51:16,255 --> 00:51:20,052
Well, that's just what we call pillow talk,
baby. That's all.
337
00:51:20,416 --> 00:51:22,204
It was more than that!
338
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,007
I still have faith in thee.
339
00:51:26,624 --> 00:51:29,722
I still believe that thou wilt stay
and save us.
340
00:51:35,199 --> 00:51:36,148
Coward.
341
00:51:58,720 --> 00:52:01,567
- Help me!
- Sheila!
342
00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:17,108
Hold your arms! You'll hit the girl.
343
00:52:21,983 --> 00:52:23,194
My sword.
344
00:52:28,064 --> 00:52:29,274
Damn you!
345
00:52:47,295 --> 00:52:48,724
Dig, damn you!
346
00:52:49,952 --> 00:52:51,708
Dig faster!
347
00:52:51,968 --> 00:52:55,546
I shall command every worm-infested
son of a bitch that ever died in battle.
348
00:52:55,616 --> 00:52:57,110
- Thank you, sir.
- You there!
349
00:52:57,184 --> 00:52:58,744
Handsomely, now!
350
00:52:58,848 --> 00:53:01,531
We shall storm their castle
and get my book.
351
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,829
Hoist, you damnable varlets!
352
00:53:08,511 --> 00:53:11,610
Welcome back to the land of the living.
353
00:53:12,288 --> 00:53:14,776
Now pick up a shovel and get digging!
354
00:53:16,863 --> 00:53:18,489
Bring on the wench!
355
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:20,534
Get down there!
356
00:53:29,951 --> 00:53:31,774
Give me some sugar, baby.
357
00:53:37,696 --> 00:53:41,373
Now ain't you the sweet little thing?
358
00:53:44,576 --> 00:53:47,325
Don't touch me, you foul thing!
359
00:53:59,264 --> 00:54:02,330
Come on. That's it.
360
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:18,298
We got plans for you, girly-girl! Move!
361
00:54:20,032 --> 00:54:23,327
Bust your bones, you dig up holes, dogs!
Get thee hence!
362
00:54:32,832 --> 00:54:34,490
A scout approaches!
363
00:54:41,504 --> 00:54:42,933
Get his horse!
364
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:44,920
Arise.
365
00:54:44,992 --> 00:54:48,636
My Lord, an army of the dead gather
in the wilderness and approach the castle.
366
00:54:48,703 --> 00:54:51,037
- How far from here?
- But two days ride.
367
00:54:51,168 --> 00:54:54,746
- These winged ones are only the first.
- Perhaps we should leave soon.
368
00:54:54,815 --> 00:54:57,335
- We'll be safe in the mountains.
- Yes. We must flee!
369
00:54:57,407 --> 00:55:00,342
- It is written. It's been foretold.
- They'll take our souls.
370
00:55:00,416 --> 00:55:02,303
- I'm afraid!
- Every one of our souls!
371
00:55:02,368 --> 00:55:03,961
I don't want to die.
372
00:55:04,896 --> 00:55:08,692
That's it! Go ahead and run!
373
00:55:09,696 --> 00:55:13,209
Run home and cry to mama! Me?
374
00:55:14,623 --> 00:55:16,314
I'm through running!
375
00:55:18,367 --> 00:55:20,789
I say we stay here and fight it out.
376
00:55:21,311 --> 00:55:25,272
Are all men from the future
loudmouth braggarts?
377
00:55:25,664 --> 00:55:28,413
No. Just me, baby.
378
00:55:29,056 --> 00:55:30,004
Just me.
379
00:55:31,072 --> 00:55:34,487
How will we fight an army of the dead
at our castle walls?
380
00:55:34,816 --> 00:55:39,453
How will you fight that? More words?
Most of our people have already fled.
381
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,535
We are but 60 men.
382
00:55:42,688 --> 00:55:46,168
Then we'll get Henry the Red
and his men to fight with us.
383
00:55:48,672 --> 00:55:52,534
Now! Who's with me?
384
00:56:06,144 --> 00:56:07,867
I'll stand by you.
385
00:56:10,015 --> 00:56:14,041
- You can count on my steel.
- I'll offer up my courage!
386
00:56:14,368 --> 00:56:17,434
- Me sword's by your side!
- I'm with you!
387
00:56:17,983 --> 00:56:19,925
I'll bend my bow to your will, sir.
388
00:56:24,128 --> 00:56:27,161
Hail! Hail! Hail!
389
00:56:43,642 --> 00:56:47,472
Well, my dear, say hello to the boys.
390
00:56:53,723 --> 00:56:56,112
There's a sight for sore bones.
391
00:57:00,347 --> 00:57:04,853
I may be bad, but I feel good.
392
00:57:06,682 --> 00:57:09,203
- Who rules?
- It is you, my lord.
393
00:57:09,306 --> 00:57:10,735
To the castle!
394
00:57:13,402 --> 00:57:15,158
- But the men are afraid!
- It's too heavy! Now, that's enough.
395
00:57:15,226 --> 00:57:17,299
Quit your bellyaching!
396
00:57:18,331 --> 00:57:22,324
I know you're scared. We're all scared.
397
00:57:23,739 --> 00:57:26,160
But that doesn't mean we're cowards.
398
00:57:26,779 --> 00:57:29,561
We can take these Deadites,
we can take them!
399
00:57:31,163 --> 00:57:32,504
With science.
400
00:57:36,507 --> 00:57:38,295
Hurry up, now!
401
00:57:38,970 --> 00:57:41,305
Come on, fellas! Push! Heave ho!
402
00:58:31,131 --> 00:58:32,440
Tilt. Tilt.
403
00:58:33,755 --> 00:58:35,129
Okay, in, in.
404
00:59:19,035 --> 00:59:22,417
They're coming! The Deadites approach!
405
00:59:27,835 --> 00:59:31,130
Quickly now, you worthless fools!
They'll be on us anon!
406
00:59:31,259 --> 00:59:32,688
Come on, guys!
407
00:59:36,763 --> 00:59:40,723
The moment of truth is almost here.
You men better not fail me now.
408
00:59:56,475 --> 00:59:58,580
There's so damned many of them.
409
01:00:11,450 --> 01:00:12,977
I need more men.
410
01:00:54,235 --> 01:00:58,032
Battle stations! Get those rocks up!
On the double!
411
01:00:58,394 --> 01:01:02,322
Ready the catapults!
By God, let's give them what for!
412
01:01:11,578 --> 01:01:12,625
Halt!
413
01:02:14,650 --> 01:02:17,269
- Looking glass!
- Aye, sire.
414
01:02:24,763 --> 01:02:27,097
Once I possess the Necronomicon...
415
01:02:28,282 --> 01:02:33,072
...I shall rule, and you shall be my queen.
416
01:02:46,874 --> 01:02:49,689
My lord, we are positioned on both fronts.
417
01:02:49,754 --> 01:02:52,983
Fine. Where are they keeping my book?
418
01:02:53,338 --> 01:02:56,088
There, my lord.
Beyond the drawbridge in the second wall.
419
01:02:56,155 --> 01:02:58,097
That would be the safest place.
420
01:02:58,171 --> 01:03:02,677
I will not allow anything to keep me
from possessing that Necronomicon.
421
01:03:04,410 --> 01:03:08,469
Now, bring me forth into that castle.
422
01:03:08,827 --> 01:03:11,893
- Forward!
- Forward!
423
01:03:11,994 --> 01:03:15,704
Cry havoc, and let loose the dogs of war!
424
01:03:16,282 --> 01:03:19,064
To the castle!
425
01:03:22,971 --> 01:03:24,181
Excellent.
426
01:03:27,098 --> 01:03:29,433
Death to the mortals!
427
01:03:32,506 --> 01:03:33,651
Arrows!
428
01:03:34,203 --> 01:03:35,250
Bows.
429
01:03:35,963 --> 01:03:37,010
Load!
430
01:03:38,714 --> 01:03:39,729
Draw!
431
01:03:49,819 --> 01:03:51,412
Torch boy!
432
01:04:31,963 --> 01:04:33,108
Steady.
433
01:04:39,802 --> 01:04:40,850
Fire!
434
01:04:43,450 --> 01:04:46,036
Advance, you demons! Advance!
435
01:05:06,363 --> 01:05:09,210
Yeah, baby!
436
01:05:16,155 --> 01:05:17,431
All right!
437
01:05:18,554 --> 01:05:21,140
- Retreat!
- Let's get the hell out of here!
438
01:05:30,938 --> 01:05:32,149
Damn him!
439
01:05:32,987 --> 01:05:35,638
The sortie on the second flank will stand.
440
01:05:35,803 --> 01:05:37,264
It must!
441
01:05:38,587 --> 01:05:42,132
Sire, there's a second division
approaching from the south.
442
01:05:42,747 --> 01:05:45,300
Ram the gates!
443
01:05:49,499 --> 01:05:50,775
Catapults!
444
01:05:51,194 --> 01:05:53,234
Catapults! South!
445
01:05:59,834 --> 01:06:03,544
- We'll crush them!
- We'll strike again!
446
01:06:15,483 --> 01:06:16,912
Fire!
447
01:06:24,186 --> 01:06:25,463
What the blazes?
448
01:06:33,211 --> 01:06:35,120
- Watch out!
- Make way!
449
01:06:41,722 --> 01:06:43,031
Seek cover!
450
01:06:52,219 --> 01:06:54,902
You miserable bags of bones!
451
01:06:55,066 --> 01:06:58,514
Pick yourselves up and sally for...
452
01:06:59,610 --> 01:07:00,887
Sally for...
453
01:07:02,075 --> 01:07:04,017
Sally forth.
454
01:07:07,611 --> 01:07:09,815
Come on, you miserable wretches!
455
01:07:20,026 --> 01:07:21,074
Forward!
456
01:07:23,706 --> 01:07:26,095
Buttress that door! Now!
457
01:07:42,331 --> 01:07:43,443
Rocks!
458
01:07:44,634 --> 01:07:45,747
Damn you!
459
01:07:49,339 --> 01:07:51,346
That's gotta hurt!
460
01:07:51,739 --> 01:07:53,048
You cretins!
461
01:07:53,370 --> 01:07:54,515
Arrows!
462
01:07:55,675 --> 01:07:56,623
Fire!
463
01:08:01,883 --> 01:08:04,468
We'll ram it down the bastard's throat!
464
01:08:05,819 --> 01:08:06,866
Fire!
465
01:08:12,091 --> 01:08:14,611
South flank, to the western wall! Now!
466
01:08:15,163 --> 01:08:18,643
Where is Henry the Red?
I told you he would not come!
467
01:08:18,715 --> 01:08:23,319
Keep your sardine can on, bucket-head!
I said he'll be here, he'll be here!
468
01:08:23,707 --> 01:08:26,292
I think he will not. But know this.
469
01:08:26,683 --> 01:08:31,320
No matter how this battle fares,
I was wrong to think you a coward.
470
01:08:36,826 --> 01:08:39,510
We've broken through! The castle is ours!
471
01:08:44,283 --> 01:08:46,836
Kill the mortals!
472
01:08:51,387 --> 01:08:52,848
All right, men!
473
01:09:21,723 --> 01:09:24,919
They've breached the first wall!
What next?
474
01:09:31,611 --> 01:09:33,945
We are deserted!
475
01:09:34,939 --> 01:09:37,360
Fall back! Man the parapet!
476
01:09:37,723 --> 01:09:39,283
Protect the book!
477
01:09:40,538 --> 01:09:42,065
God save us all.
478
01:09:42,906 --> 01:09:46,616
Up the ladders, lads!
To the safety of the parapets!
479
01:09:57,210 --> 01:09:59,414
Say hello to the 21st century.
480
01:10:11,962 --> 01:10:14,450
Come on! I got plenty for everybody!
481
01:10:23,003 --> 01:10:25,491
- How do you like this?
- Play dead!
482
01:10:28,123 --> 01:10:30,425
It's the one in the cart we want. Get him!
483
01:10:47,771 --> 01:10:49,713
Sayonara, sucker!
484
01:10:56,122 --> 01:10:57,235
Why, you...
485
01:10:59,162 --> 01:11:01,529
You can run, but you can't hide!
486
01:11:26,715 --> 01:11:27,860
Sheila?
487
01:11:52,154 --> 01:11:54,543
- We've secured the courtyard, my lord.
- Excellent.
488
01:11:55,386 --> 01:11:58,037
Now I will have that book.
Storm the walls!
489
01:11:58,491 --> 01:11:59,538
Ladders!
490
01:11:59,611 --> 01:12:03,320
Come on, you bony devils! Hurry up!
Or I'll send you to the glue factory!
491
01:12:03,387 --> 01:12:04,499
Elmer!
492
01:12:05,275 --> 01:12:06,682
To the walls!
493
01:12:09,819 --> 01:12:12,307
I'll slice you to ribbons! No, no!
494
01:12:35,995 --> 01:12:37,653
Wait! Look out!
495
01:12:44,858 --> 01:12:47,892
- Hey, you're mine, sweetie!
- Get off of her!
496
01:12:54,810 --> 01:12:56,021
Damn you!
497
01:12:56,699 --> 01:13:01,074
Defend the Necronomicon, lads!
Or perish in the devil's fire!
498
01:13:05,563 --> 01:13:08,149
- My lord.
- Stay with the book!
499
01:13:08,346 --> 01:13:10,135
The book will be ours!
500
01:13:31,642 --> 01:13:32,624
Hello!
501
01:13:42,714 --> 01:13:44,275
The book is mine!
502
01:13:48,730 --> 01:13:50,137
There you go!
503
01:13:58,107 --> 01:14:00,049
I'll cut your gizzard out.
504
01:14:00,987 --> 01:14:02,416
Where'd he go?
505
01:14:13,082 --> 01:14:14,489
Come to Papa!
506
01:14:15,706 --> 01:14:16,884
Get him!
507
01:14:45,787 --> 01:14:49,977
Crazy bitch, get off me!
You're tearing my eyes out!
508
01:14:51,195 --> 01:14:52,471
You witch!
509
01:14:59,035 --> 01:14:59,983
Right.
510
01:15:07,227 --> 01:15:09,267
You found me beautiful once.
511
01:15:09,914 --> 01:15:12,336
Honey, you got real ugly.
512
01:15:30,875 --> 01:15:32,402
There we are.
513
01:15:40,923 --> 01:15:42,745
You wanna play rough?
514
01:15:53,626 --> 01:15:54,804
All right!
515
01:16:17,210 --> 01:16:18,803
You're going down!
516
01:16:19,867 --> 01:16:22,256
- I'm going up!
- I'm coming for you!
517
01:16:52,347 --> 01:16:53,426
Get him!
518
01:16:55,770 --> 01:16:56,883
Excuse me!
519
01:16:57,019 --> 01:16:58,775
Come on! All right!
520
01:17:01,274 --> 01:17:04,209
You're pissin' me off,
you ugly son of a bitch!
521
01:17:06,811 --> 01:17:07,793
No!
522
01:17:25,467 --> 01:17:28,217
I'll spoil those good looks!
523
01:17:31,194 --> 01:17:32,601
Backstabber!
524
01:17:37,947 --> 01:17:39,256
Hold still!
525
01:17:53,595 --> 01:17:55,569
Tallyho!
526
01:18:02,714 --> 01:18:07,286
- We can't hold the battlements!
- We will hold! We must protect the book!
527
01:18:07,547 --> 01:18:10,035
Where's Henry the Red? Why's he not...
528
01:18:11,706 --> 01:18:14,041
We are deserted!
529
01:18:15,387 --> 01:18:16,980
We're overwhelmed!
530
01:18:38,299 --> 01:18:40,437
I got a bone to pick with you.
531
01:18:41,051 --> 01:18:42,229
Come on!
532
01:18:48,954 --> 01:18:50,994
I'll slice your gizzard open!
533
01:19:07,419 --> 01:19:08,880
Now you're mine!
534
01:19:15,611 --> 01:19:16,593
No!
535
01:19:29,722 --> 01:19:30,671
Why, you...
536
01:19:30,747 --> 01:19:34,937
Let go of the sword!
I'll cut your throat out if I get the chance.
537
01:19:56,698 --> 01:19:58,225
I have the book!
538
01:20:04,155 --> 01:20:05,878
I possess the Necronomicon!
539
01:20:05,946 --> 01:20:09,721
I've crushed your pathetic army!
Now I'll have my vengeance!
540
01:20:09,786 --> 01:20:13,528
The Red! The Red!
Duke Henry and his men have come!
541
01:20:13,626 --> 01:20:17,783
For king and castle! Cry havoc!
542
01:20:18,395 --> 01:20:22,966
Blows, blood, and death!
543
01:20:26,587 --> 01:20:28,113
We are saved!
544
01:20:38,586 --> 01:20:42,481
Onward, valiant cousins!
Their ranks are broke!
545
01:20:43,835 --> 01:20:45,177
Bloody hell!
546
01:20:46,043 --> 01:20:50,134
You've spoiled my plan for conquest!
And now you're going to die!
547
01:20:50,747 --> 01:20:53,813
Buckle up, bonehead!
Because you're going for a ride!
548
01:21:08,539 --> 01:21:10,066
Victory is ours!
549
01:21:35,899 --> 01:21:39,194
- lf it's a fight you want...
- Well, start something!
550
01:21:39,578 --> 01:21:42,448
- Stand ready, lads!
- We're ready for you!
551
01:22:33,178 --> 01:22:34,640
Move yourself, lad.
552
01:22:34,971 --> 01:22:36,497
- Your hand, man.
- Hey, Henry.
553
01:22:36,570 --> 01:22:38,458
- The debt's paid.
- You had us going.
554
01:22:38,523 --> 01:22:39,799
- Milady.
- Arthur.
555
01:22:39,867 --> 01:22:42,452
- Well won, my friend.
- We've won the day!
556
01:22:48,763 --> 01:22:52,756
We're brothers now!
A new kingdom shall be born!
557
01:22:55,674 --> 01:22:59,733
The book tells us that each drop
allows a man to sleep for a century.
558
01:23:00,410 --> 01:23:04,338
Swallow six drops,
thou shall awaken in thine own time.
559
01:24:06,075 --> 01:24:07,766
God bless you, sire.
560
01:24:47,611 --> 01:24:49,171
Six drops.
561
01:24:52,059 --> 01:24:56,215
One, two, three, four...
562
01:24:57,211 --> 01:24:58,159
...five.
563
01:25:05,978 --> 01:25:07,320
Five.
564
01:25:08,762 --> 01:25:09,711
Six.
565
01:26:24,602 --> 01:26:25,912
I'm home.
566
01:26:44,602 --> 01:26:46,391
Manufactured products!
567
01:26:59,803 --> 01:27:02,673
God! No! No!
568
01:27:02,971 --> 01:27:05,491
I slept too long!
40129
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