Original subtitles

[Music]

[Music]

21 is

[Music]

is rer is

rer this is one hell of a way to spend

Christmas sir secure the sidewalk no one

in out yes

[Music]

sir

got a present for

[Music]

[Music]

you damn you let the TR go damn you re

to CH

[Music]

go

[Music]

don't even think it Slater you hear me

you're going to sit and wait for the

rear hostage

negotiator God damn it Jack I'm talking

to you the last time you pull this ja JB

pop antique out of [ __ ] people last body

part now you go in there and it's your

badge Jack I know as mayor of the St

Metropolis you and I have had a little T

but this is the lieutenant governor

here's what I the governor gets you and

call me slers attemped the do not let

him in repeat do not let him in piece of

cake hey you want to be a farmer here's

a couple of

Acres

DEA the next one I'll

[Music]

hurt check fire there's an officer in

the building I say again there's a plain

closed officer in the

building Jack we C

you Andy here's been getting

nervous I promised him you'd

come gave my word of Honor he could

watch you

die lose the

cannon has he heard you

Andrew hurt Jack you say

hurt what do you know about hurt Jack

you put me in a cage for 10 years you

should have gotten the death penalty

yeah would have should have could have

yeah yeah yeah right things crawling

around on your head sitting on my chest

when I wake up you know what that's like

Jack it was your illegal search that

rendered the bloody axe inadmissible

remember

Jack now lose the

gun all right I'm unarmed let the boy go

just one gun Jack you got to be

[Music]

kidding is that all sport yep that about

does it then step

away Chop

Chop oh unless uh you consider this a

[Music]

weapon brilliant Jack brilliant I

Surrender live grenade yeah right jack

right right you're going to sacrifice

your own child to get to me I'm very

flattered Jack but I doubt

it Andy pick up the

grenade come

on show it to me that's good

[Music]

there Jack that toy can't hurt the

boy but this one

[Music]

can

Fus hey come on

Focus

hey people are trying to

see

right the film is out of

focus the film is out of never mind

Nick

Nick

Nick

Nick Nick you

okay the climax is on the

[Music]

fridge I never used to do that thing

it's okay I've seen this Slater six

times I just got

worried you know the new Jack Slater

opens this weekend at the auds like I

didn't know that they killed his second

cousin big

mistake Jack Slater 4 well I'm checking

the print tonight midnight there my

sh I uh

I could arrange for you to gain

admittance that is you know that sort of

thing appeals to me see before it

opens who do I have to kill nobody all

you have to do is to get to school you

know if you hurry you're only going to

be 4 hours

[Music]

late

[Music]

treachery conspiracy sex sword fights

Madness ghosts and in the end everybody

dies Shakespeare's Hamlet couldn't be

more

excited and though it may seem that he

is incapable of taking any action he is

in in fact one of the first action

heroes what you are going to see is a

scene from the film by Lawrence Olivier

some of you might have seen him in the

Polaroid

commercial or as Zeus in Clash of the

Titans how bom Black

Death

help

Angel all yet we

will now he's

pray and now I'll do

[Music]

it and so he goes to

heaven

the same villain sent to

him hey

[Music]

clonus you killed my

father big

mistake something is r in the state of

Denmark and Hamlet is taking out the

trash

[Music]

stay thy hand Fair prince who said I'm

[Music]

Fair no one's going to tell this sweet

prince good

night to

be or not to

be not to

be

[Music]

the whole

morning it

wasn't no I said he wasn't he wasn't at

school today he's sick as a lamb we're

going Regale me the story of your life

starting this morning 8:30 for period

American history and make this really

good I mean something along the lines of

I cut so I could donate a

kidney you were at the movies again

weren't you and that crazy old gu's an

accessory ni not crazy oh damn it

Danny you know I'm in there lying to a

principal me a a charter member of the

PTA and what for so you can go to the

movies sorry I didn't choose any of this

I didn't choose it I didn't say hey what

the hell let me see what it be like to

be a widow before I'm 40 give that a

try

what give me a

[Music]

hug cut again let me hear the p word on

that promise all right

Jesus get to

work lock the top lock the minute I

close the door okay open this

door she called her mother in and

they're trying to do something to yeah

Cal bugs I can't wait to see the new

continue to be a big problem come here

often tra run Li for one reason

what you eating nothing

[Music]

maggots

[Music]

you

alone okay move

[Music]

it do

[Music]

yourself tough

guy do

it I'll make it easier for

[Music]

you go

ahead do

[Music]

it what is it with you you got Junk no

jewy no VCR a [ __ ] TV that'll get me 20

bucks go fishing

go remember

now your mom says you to go straight

home she'll be there when the shift is

over if we find the guy I'll give you a

[Music]

call

[Music]

Nick

[Music]

Nick

on I about gave up on you

sorry

well what do you think well I've never

seen anything like

it it's not too tight is it no no it's

it's the

style I always wanted to be a magician

my hands he too

tiny

my father he he was a bookkeeper here

and he got me my first job

Usher we're still a woodwi house then I

work myself up to projectionist it's not

much

but still show

biz so uh is the pre to roll oh just a

minute young man aren't we forgetting

something a ticket

well you got to have a ticket tny to see

a movie I know I got just the

one see when I was about your age Harry

Houdini played this theater and my pop

took me backstage to see him after the

show and he made a gesture who did he

did like this and all of a sudden

this was in his hand and he said to me

he whispered he said this is a magic

ticket it was given to me by the best

magician in India and it was given to

him by the best magician in Tibet it's a

passport to another world it was mine

and now it's

yours and now it's

yours what's it do

Nick I never had the courage to find out

had the ticket for years and I wanted to

try but uh I guess I was afraid it

wouldn't work he was your age de he was

like a god to me what if he was

faking then

again what if it did

work yeah well what if it

Didi said something El to me he said

this ticket is wi of its own

it

does what it wants to

do and that always made me just a little

idy well I guess there's only one way to

find out then

right please retain your stub

sir shall we see if Mr Slater wins this

time Jack Slater can't lose never has

never

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will

[Music]

oh Frank

Frank Franky why you keep on with the

insults I would never insult you Mr fali

when you

lie that's a son I know you're Jack

Slater's favorite second cin in the

whole world you all the time talk to

each other I got to know what Slater

knows and you are going to tell

me does he know that my M and toell M

have just signed a secret pack to

control to control all the drugs in

Southern

California uh we mostly talk muzzle

[Music]

velocities

[Music]

guns

meet Mr

Benedict a genuine article and you

better believe it sometimes he likes to

pay while he's shooting

people what I'm saying is Mr bentic can

take you out as easy as cake hi you

Sicilian

the

man

is a

certain you want me to make

him operate on

you I swear I don't

know come for this place huh

but uh they

is he B he actually believes me and old

Manelli are banding

together Beauty part is nobody knows

different not the laughter the funeral

and everybody

[Music]

knows everybody knows

only

Alby is number

one you are going to pay who are you

going to

pay are you sure this is the right

address this don't look like no crack

house to me what do you want 60 guys

dancing on the lawn throwing cocaine at

each other just kick the

[Music]

door

[Music]

what's up guys quiet this is a drug bust

drug

bust must be choking my second cousin

Frank lives in there the only drugs

you'll find in there are

aspirin if you touch the front door

you're going to need them maybe there's

been a mistake we received an anonymous

tip

Frank

Frank

Frank

Frank

Frank

Jack listen to me what did this listen

to me this is

important Tony

Vali and the Terell

mob but joining

forces I'm out of

here

Frank

Frank sorry

[Music]

[Music]

Frank

[Music]

he's okay minor W both cops

[Music]

dead two days to

[Music]

detman

[Music]

the

[Music]

[Music]

TV

[Music]

it's um

this

oh

who the hell are you don't shoot me I'm

dny mad again I'm a

[Music]

kid what did you get here I'm not quite

sure we're here iser but I don't think

you want to know okay close your eyes

stay flat and don't

[Music]

move you're try me with no

hands think it's EAS to practice a lot

and never ever do it in heavy

[Music]

traffic I that guy cone of

[Music]

phas wait a minute the bad puns The

Voice the Hard Rock this is happening

this is really

happening

this is not happen repeat this is not

[Music]

happen

[Music]

[Music]

yeah

[Music]

w

[Music]

i b it sorry the thought I was going to

die oh I'm sorry to disappoint you but

you're going to lift to enjoy all the

Glorious fruits life is to offer acne

shaving premature ejaculation and your

first

[Music]

divorce

[Music]

this s

what this is a movie

set this is a movie set that's how the

scenery changed

right

[Music]

you going to play chicken aren't you

just like Jack

Slater Fasto

please your

fingers close as many as you

can

[Music]

[Music]

a

[Music]

I'm in the

movie holy cow I'm in the

movie Nick boutini wasn't

faking

[Music]

Jack did you see

[Music]

that

I was just in a real police station and

this is much

nicer hey Slater it's your ex-wife on

two you stay she's always calling me

hello sweee how are you it's a nice to

hear your

voice you're part up with water I'll

give your part

Serge mhm

that is right

uhhuh no just as you

say yep

uhhuh your team up with the rabbi

B yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uhhuh

uh-huh mhm yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

uhhuh out do your the carnegi hall

practice John practice y so what are you

doing away from

Washington you don't think something

strange is going on between them this

top secret I Know M is truning forces

with damn it Jack how do you do that

well I'm not parked behind the desk all

day eating those donuts those the

government Donuts my friend it's not

easy work I got to call

DC good for

you what you

Jack he killed

Mozart in the movie aladas who won

Oscars when saved his life in N to make

sure to be on the lookout thanks now no

more

movies

ler I got the Senate council join my

eggs off for that plane you crashing I

got the mayor sched parades up my

leaking tunnel for that stunt you put on

the beach everybody want to know what it

is where it is where it we be do I make

myself clear I'm just doing my job you

giv this department the worst reputation

in the country now I get the cham of

cers doing cut Wheels in my cocoa

Factory R you're pulling Duty with the

animated cat I

am I'm getting a flea band later join me

you touch me again for ball and I'll

kill you I can prove this is a movie you

sh who the hell are you kid look out

there this is cartoon

cat he's supposed to be back on duty he

was only suspended for a month now shut

up listen to what I'm saying an animated

cat just walked into the squad room

hello he'll do it again tomorrow so

what's your point that cat is one of the

best men I got yeah now who is this TW

and where is that smile on his face I

just love the way you two fight knowing

how you really feel about each other

pray tail just have do I feel about this

weird looking psych of puppy poo your

dearest friends after your wife left you

for the circus Mission and Jack told

everyone he drove over to no England to

the dip theia clck when he came back he

said you saved me from public

humiliation Jack you're my dearest

friend and you promised me you wouldn't

D I didn't well then how did he know

Jack Slater won what's winning got to do

with this no the very first Jack sler

you told your dad I didn't tell anyone I

don't even know this

kid he seem to know a lot about

us no such number no such name the state

of New York's never heard of you Mr

manigan what's your real name Danny mad

where you really from 35 you get a

car they fell off a walkover Bridge

slipped into your car he saved my

life

Truth at last now where were they after

you oh my second cousin Frank found out

some crucial drug information I wouldn't

put too much faith into what Vivaldi

told how do you know Frank mentioned

Vivaldi I know a lot about what's going

on now if you were just listen all right

son I got the perfect listener for

you it's your new

partner oh

no better to die

you're going to love it Jack I mean

we're perfect buddy movie Material I'll

teach you to be vulnerable you'll teach

me to be

pray hi I'm Jack sl's new partner Jack

and I will be working together for the

duration of the

film you know all right if this was a

real world I mean that wouldn't make me

your partner they deci me to a s to

work here's one tell me how I know they

tortured Frank and then stashed me his

friend door because I saw it on screen

because this is a movie you're very

clever now the only reason why I'm the

Roaring that laughter is because someone

killed my favorite second cousin and

it's a big big mistake that is what you

were going to say

right gee how would I know that no one

likes a smart

ass okay then shoot me it's right take

your gun point it out my head and pull

the trigger come on do it I will dare

you you're not going to do it are you

and you know why because people like you

don't kill kids in movies because

believe it or not Jack you're the good

guy you really believe that your inside

a movie don't you yes all right I give

you 10 minutes to prove it then I shoot

[Music]

you wait where the schwarzer

for thums are in the back no action this

guy's an action star down the center on

the

left no it isn't possible what's not

possible he's fantastic this his best

performance ever but that was you you

were in that movie you were in a

movie yes it was called the girl of my

dreams it start you as a matter of fact

we had this very romantic scene

together what's the phone number of the

store 555 231 out okay what your home

number that's okay you can give it to

him I'm a police officer 555

3812 amazing I'm will the bet that

everyone has a 555 number so so

there can only be

99,999 numbers that start with 555 how

many people live in LA 809 million

aha that's why we have area codes o is

this your kid this oh no this is a

mental patient and I'm going to take it

downtown come

on okay I got one what about this girl

right here she is way too attracted to

be working at a video store I agree with

you I think should be working with us on

the C of course look the point is there

are no unattractive women here I mean

where are the ordinary everyday

women they don't exist because this is a

movie no this is

cforia by the way thanks I think it was

really sleet the way you got this girl's

phone

number okay Mr

nonbeliever I'll take you to the house

where your cousin Frank was

tortured

I've seen it on

screen it's kind of like that one except

it's got to be on the other side of the

road cuz it's got no

sh listen there's something you don't

understand this ticket is Magic and it

really works any second we're going to

drive right into a

theater maybe I need to warm it up

first of course my decoding is to war up

to all the time okay okay the house

looked European like made me get a

postcard from in or

something like that

one in fact just like that one the bad

guys are in

there you know something I think you

should be wearing

this don't think I've earned it yet you

don't understand you just solved the

entire case you just revolutionized the

entire history of police training I mean

all these years at the Academy studying

human character sagy of the terrorist

fingerprint analysis all the courses

that I have taken in surveillance

hostage negotiation in criminal

psychology when all I had to do is just

drive around the neighborhood and point

my finger at the house and say the bad

guys ain't

there you think you're funny don't you I

know I am I'm the famous

comedian

Scher

[Music]

may I help you yes could I speak to the

drug dealer of the house please I beg

your pardon it's a beautiful day and we

out killing drug dealers at the end in

the

house

[Music]

be ready for

anything wait where are you going I'll

be back H you didn't know I'm going to

say that did you that's what you always

say I

do everybody keeps waiting for you to

work it in it's kind of like your

calling

card I understand you're interested in

drug dealers yes Jack that's him the the

glass

side sir are you a

henchman no I only go as far as

lucky will there be anything else yeah

take off your

sunglasses who's

asking the Tin

Man well Tin Man suppose you hit the

bricks no they're the wrong color are

they oh dear by all means let's change

them would arterial red suit

you

make no mistake they are exceptionally

well

trained I snap my fingers again and

sometime tomorrow you emerge from

several Kine

Rector or you and Toto can go back to

the land of O questions

yeah two of

them why am I wasting time when a diam

do puds like you like could doing

something which were

dangerous like rearranging my socks

drawers and two how exactly are you

going to snap your fingers after a rip

off both of your

thumbs have a nice

day they want the Bulls are when he was

with his second cousin I hate this boss

he calls him a silan

[Music]

schmunk how did Lady find out will you

tell

me I want him to join me but he's nuts

he keeps going after to the bad guys

where's it written I'm a bad guy find

out who talked and have him killed then

slay

them hey what's with

you we should change the funeral

arrangements are you crazy when I say

blood bath there is a blood blood

bath I'm going to find out more about

Slater's short friend

come on Jack that guy's got to be guilty

of something yeah he's guilty of acting

like an

[ __ ] arrest him after to rest half of

Congress why' we park back there K 's

wife is around don't worry she's not her

name wasn't in the

credits

kid who does the doctor treat patients

look at the elbow of my jacket what is

it doing wearing thin

bingo

jeez that was a

stretch wow is this what you drive on

the weekends there my little girl's car

come on knock on the

door I told you your ex-wife's not home

her name wasn't in the

credits Meredith I hope you mean Whitney

sorry Whitney you're not skey are

you daddy oh

[Music]

my hi I'm ding man and I realized I

haven't had that long of life but I just

want you to know from now on it's all

got to be

down wonderful cute so who's your friend

he's

cute he's not cute he's hopelessly

insane very soon he's going to tell you

he loved you and Gone With the Wind this

is her first movie you see now who is

skey oh U it's just the soryy thing dad

what they do is they assign you a

freshman and when he comes to the door

you kiss him you have to kiss him oh Dad

would you come on okay would you U grab

the phone and if it's for me I'll be

having the shower and less than 1 hour

for

sure

cutie

it's old evidence counterfeit case looks

real doesn't it turns funny colors when

you burn it try using it

phenomenally what's

wrong you don't happen to have a cigar

do

you

I'll be back I know I

know

Dad Dad

[Music]

[Music]

yeah

he would have been your

age I

know the Ripper killed him 3 years ago

pulled him down off the

roof your dad saw everything how did you

know all

then your pop gets in the papers a lot

I'm interested in crime

stories key I'll get rid

of hello

Toto there there

[Music]

there stop it evening Uncle Jack around

let's just lay us off tracking a lead

[Music]

somewhere Joe would you teach her the

virtue of Silence spray

Benedict if you har my hair on her head

stop

now I believe it was Sherlock Holmes who

said that if you eliminate all logical

solutions to a problem the illogical

however impossible is invariably

true you see I know that your name is

Daniel

Madigan what I don't understand is how

You Know

M slider show me some mug shots we made

your face

easy Daniel Madigan from New York City

awfully long way away from home aren't

you when did you get

here just and how do you know what I

said on Vivaldi's

Terrace I heard a

recording microphones in the statues are

they you wouldn't believe how

and the eye I was

wearing I saw it I saw it in a

movie there are Michael camon statues I

should tell you that I have killed

people smarter and younger than

[Music]

you look whatever this is it's between

you and Slater there's somebody in the

desk take it and leave me and Meredith

Whitney

alone holy [ __ ] boss looks like 2K in

here just a

minute give it to

me these bills are marked aren't

they you were trying to sucker me with

marked bills W

you burn

it burn it yes burn it don't play games

with grown-ups little boy you get

[Music]

hurt

big

[Music]

mistake that's great isn't it that will

hurt you just a little stupid but you

see free lose the guns or I redecorate

in brain matter gray got it

yes you kill me and I'll kill

[Music]

him leave it get the

[Music]

door

boss

[Music]

hi

[Music]

don't give up your day

[Music]

job

[Music]

Jack don't live home without

it

where are you

going got to catch the red

eye I don't believe this I'm in the

moving I'm in the moving I'm missing the

best action

touch it let's get the hell out of

[Music]

here go back up the

[Music]

top

next time we get thicker

armor a

[Music]

[Music]

tank chicken it

is

this is going to work it's a movie I'm a

good guy this has got to

work I'm a comedy

sidekick oh [ __ ] I'm a comedy sidekick

it's not going to

work

[Music]

[Music]

well I think I scared him pretty good he

did great come

on Benedict's got a ticket that's too

bad I want I did for my

[Music]

[Music]

collection I told you blanch isn't here

she won't back in 2 hours I know I'm

going to wait

[Music]

[Music]

for

[Music]

baby

we'll be right back after this

commercial

announcement if you're looking for a New

Year's car first give me first

i999 here's another one this is a long

bed this is

39.99 that give me

[Music]

you're traveling through another

dimension my name

isy e y

sir e no i e thank

you

[Music]

we

say

this hey grow up just say this one

word this is another one of your movie

proofs

maybe kid I don't want to say it say

what you can't you can't possibly say it

because this movie is

PG-13 admit it officer Slater the guy

with the missing eye I saw his license

plate good for

you you mean to guy with the class no

when he was running for the car it was

missing it's got

words

vengeance

is don't

touch you s the like a take from you

like got the

Cali

you take from you you

know the be the be you know you take the

chicken on the B stick you know what

we'll see if this is clear enough give

me your badge and this time you won't

get it

back W your part up with the black and

white digitalization of

H

what are you uh you making some changes

huh why don't you come and work the

funeral with me anyway I I know I

wouldn't miss this one I get Terell

spent a bottle he's got a damn

helicopter circling the building huh a

rooftop funeral service in Long Beach

how's that for

Taste died Leo the fart was shot

yesterday yeah somebody was trying

forelli and missed

it was

tough could do everything but sneak up

on

you you change your mind I'll be in

front of the hotel huh

[Music]

[Music]

huh where are we

anyway

oh jeez how'd you know there was a guy

in there there's always a guy in there

supposed to be a fortunate closet doors

right like it's SL part two Sagittarius

Strangler a seconds you're going to meet

the manigan

Strangler I just got fired what you find

so entertaining happens to be my life

I'm not even a cop

anymore don't get your badge back he was

just pulling R because you're destroying

more the city than usual Jack you're not

just my hero you're everybody's hero and

it'll all be okay again trust me no

Danny it's getting

harder it never started out to be

anything but a is cop but I kept getting

involved in these crazy

Adventures but the craziest part is I

kept Surviving Jack these are the

sequels they got to get

harder but look on the good side I mean

you've got a great daughter and your

ex-wife wouldn't keep calling if

somewhere deep down she didn't want you

back Danny do you think I would marry

someone so stupid that doesn't know the

real voice from a taped one I pay a

cashier at the drugstore the call me is

often at the station so the guys think

of a private

life my ex-wife is happily

remarried she never

calls and Whit

me why can't she not be like every other

teenager and Prime night she stays home

in field strips

AK-47 she's going to die a young maid I

know

it I'm going to buy it soon too

way you can't die till the grosses go

down that guy vdi I heard him say

somethingone was going to happen at a

funeral now this little theart is going

to have one maybe we should look into

that yeah yeah whatever you say check

it's a funeral for a guy named fart

hello funeral check this out someone

tried to kill Elli right miss the child

Le the F by mistake right uh-uh wrong

who took the shot was it Benedict most

likely who he miss no way unless he

wanted to miss you're saying he meant to

miss why because Amigo Le def was very

very fat get it no I don't they broke in

last night they cut Le open like a

turkey stuffed him with TNT he goes off

at the funeral it takes out entired

toell him up all at once B the only the

town that's what all this has been about

the BDI is going to blow up that funeral

no no it won't just be a bomb I mean

we've already had a dozen explosions in

this movie oh D it don't stop that

again Nerf gas what are you talking

about three canisters of Nerf guys were

stor from military tracks the night

before last they could have sted those

inside him but you know what that means

don't you uhhuh leard is going to pass

gas one more time

[Music]

[Music]

Mr gelli I hope it's all right with you

I am here I don't want to be no fourth

wheer

fth than thanks thank you thank you did

you hear that

Benedict B

we pay your respects

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

h

[Music]

stay in a car no way I'm coming with you

kid let's say this is a movie how many

times have you heard someone say stay in

the car and the guy doesn't what

happens he saves the day or gets killed

good point I'll stay in the

car wait a minute what if stay in the

course what gets me

killed there's a gun in the

AP practice makes

perfect decided to join me the f is a

bomb they're going to take out the helli

M we got to stop it that explains the

breaking at the mortuary jeez that's

brilliant come on we'll use the service

entrance in

[Music]

back we bring for charm

what do you mean we both noticed a side

entrance to this

hotel sorry

Jack I didn't want it to go down this

way Dany told me not to trust you said

you killed Mo

Z oh who

Z you I kill a lot of people I can't

remember half of them how do you get the

py

Hall and a body bag if you don't drop

that it's doubtful

kid real

doubtful thanks for the fingerprints

kid you're about to Murder Jack

Slater here chain yourself to that

pipe see Jack these drug guys take out

more money than the US government so you

could the deal with a Sicilians come

back like Baldi right you

are you see Baldi made up with trelli

but it was a phony he's going to destroy

him so in exchange for letting him alone

he gives me a profit percentage I'll be

rich Jack you'll be dead but

fre those me the

Cuffs man are you an idiot you made the

classic movie mistake don't explain so

much had to get in those last few words

I mean if you had just fired you would

have won but no you're the typical

villain

no you ain't no genius yourself

G the fart goes off in seven minutes get

my

car move

it well I'd love to stay and watch the

fun but uh I have to go and establish my

heli

AR is this the day you were talking

about saving to see you doing anything I

wouldn't want to do your

thunder oh no no no you stay here and

make sure everything goes on as planned

you had Slater in front of the eight

ball before but you always screwed it

up all right let's

go

that's behind the eight your

[ __ ] somebody once told me I talk too

much No More

[Music]

Words whiskers where the hell have you

been sorry Jack furball problem seal off

the area there's a possible chemical

explosure in 5 minutes thanks whiskers I

owe you one forget it you saved my fur

plenty of

times

oh you see the hook of the crane I want

it on top of the roof in 2 minutes go

wait how do I get him to do

[Music]

[Music]

that

[Music]

help me move that CR you got to help me

I got to get that CR to the roof hey

wait a minute you got to work this

thing I don't even know how to

try

[Music]

[Music]

w

[Music]

this a good man a flatulent

man you hear

this help me get me out of here my God

this man's Not Dead

[Music]

get out of the way this man is a doctor

out of my way this man is a doctor I'm a

doctor you're a doctor yes check his

[Music]

chin doctor has F can somebody help this

man here I take the clubs I mean the

patient look

elephant

[Music]

AR don't shoot give drop

[Music]

Leo

[Music]

don't

[Music]

[Music]

shoot

[Music]

[Music]

y

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[ __ ]

[Music]

I

it's a no fly Z

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

fella

[Music]

move the plane as fast as you

can

[Music]

stop

the

stop go go go go got B Dam

[Music]

[Music]

you out of here everybody

[Music]

[Music]

out

[Music]

silent but

dadly bring the car around can't

helicopter

land hatte when that happens you know T

actually sticks to

zie

[Music]

Hey Dad I heard you were here I thought

you could use some clothes thanks honey

wait a minute no one finds this a little

convenient Hey kid you always said this

is a movie didn't

you

he how did it

go come on come on I'm dying out here I

was it I want to know hard

way come on move your out there in W

splendidly it went splendidly wait wait

wait a minute I I can't hear you I don't

want to miss the thing come here come

here hey very get your done yes was it

beautiful perfect in

everything and the gas St PO with like

clockwork you should have been men women

and children dropping left and right

rising and screaming wait a minut wait

wait wait a minut wait a minute I want

to enjoy it all come on

they were rising and screaming and

leaping to their Doom to escape the

pain no not really I'm lying it was a

complete and utter balls up and I've had

a terrible day thanks largely to

you what is this SP first you my friend

are you

turn 360 on 180 you stupid spaghetti

slurping kettin 180 if I did a 360 I'd

go completely around and end up back

where I

started well trust

[Music]

me if that little turd Daniel Madigan

can move through parallel worlds I can

move through parallel worlds in and out

in steal whatever I want and out again

impossible to

catch if God was a

villain

he'd be

me you want me back him now no thank you

but the pool could benefit from some

attention very

[Music]

good don't

move

all right Slater I'll go quietly the

hell you

[Music]

will that was for growing up my second

cousin Frank's house and this is for

blowing up my ex-wife's

house but this this is for my daughter's

black

time

usually when I do that it leaves a

hole a

ticket Jack he's got the

tickets it's the key to everything it's

magic see that's my world he's gone over

to my world the door must still be open

come

on I'm not worried that you're crazy

anymore I'm worried that you're right

but if I go how do I get back you can't

go through life nitpicking every little

thing now come

[Music]

on there was nothing to

it we still here are you sure out that

look quickly

quickly I want to see if Nick's there's

no time come

on what the hell we in New York Jack it

all makes sense no actually makes

absolutely no sense but I'll try to

explain to you later metime please be

careful things were different

here

get out all right don't

get a piece of junk you drive B

head here's another explosion for your

moving

[Music]

kid not one

[Music]

Ro

hand it really hurts things work

different here you can't smash a car

window with your bare hand and not have

it hurt thanks for sharing you couldn't

have told me this

earlier you think the PX is a board Mo

Jack you got to get that ticket

back

[Music]

[Music]

no way Slater please listen to me it

won't work you hear me you can't play

Chicken in real life you'll crash out of

the car Amigo this isn't the movies

anymore Jack here you have to reload

guns go D car kill you do you hear me

you are going to

die

Jack what did I

[Music]

do damn it that hurt CH lucky is still

alive you dumb idiot hey 89 merury Sable

standard driver side airbag check a cap

no airbag who St okay okay just make

sure they're dead can you break the dead

just check will you look dead they

always look dead like a Die Hard the guy

hanging there by SEC and at the end of

the movie he comes

back make sure to cover me I think he's

got to R

[Music]

wiper maybe he used the

ticket maybe it's on all the time

[Music]

now

what is this

place where am I

now

Danny you got a place I can sit

down

yeah bch

[ __ ] my God I was I was so worried are

you okay did you see what happened no I

slept to sleep in the day K here I woke

up 2:00 in the morning and I I figured

you'd gone home I wasn't home Nick I was

in the

movie uh I'm I'm getting a little up in

years kid to fine in Whitney kissed me

right on the mouth I drove one those

great big cranes and Dro Leo the for in

the labr tarpet I was with Jack Slater

every step of the

way

I think it

works I got a you all this time and I

never used it

cuz I was too

frighten but it's not too late I can

still go

visit Garbo in jido uh Jean harlo oh boy

I had a

crush Monroe and bus

stop uh forgive me for for going on like

that sir I'm I'm a great admirer of your

work too Nick it isn't who you think you

me this this is a wonderful moment for

me Mr

Slater I've never met a fictional

character

before how new and exciting this must

all be for

you hey I just found out I was imaginary

I mean how would you feel if you found

out that somebody made you you up your

job your marriage your

kids oh yeah let's push his son off the

building gives you nightmares the rest

of your life but you're fictional so who

cares I'm sorry but I don't find it so

new and exciting to discover that my

whole life has been a damn

movie young and

impressionable know there's lots worse

things in

movies there's politicians and wars and

Forest fight

fires famine

plague sickness pain warts politicians

you already mentioned I know I did

they're twice as bad as anything

else most of my life's been the movies

too well showing them but that's all

over for me

now the theater's shut going to clear

out my stuff and then it's the rec and

ball but now I got another chance could

I have the take it back please well um

we've got this one

little um hiccup what do you mean

hiccup Benedict's here too and he's got

the ticket that mad man with the glass

eye how the hell are you going to get

back it's a good question but you

wouldn't want the nitpick right

[Music]

Danny now just follow my

lead where have you been have you got

any idea what time it is the police call

you're not there you're not here I you

Mom I'm sorry okay

sh Okay shh there are 9 million kids out

there with guns and that's all you have

to say to me okay

sh will you get in here wait you know

why you always say you wish I had more

friends

[Music]

well hello Mrs

Madigan hward Brown

[Music]

schager

[Music]

want to have a

party H we

do n n yo shoes take your shoes man come

on we got come

on take your

[Music]

shoot

SC

[Music]

Simon excuse

me excuse me

yeah um I'm sorry B you I wonder if

you'd help me test the the sure what can

I do for you

[Music]

[Music]

well

[Music]

hello I've just shot somebody I did it

on

purpose

I said I have murdered a man and I want

to

confess shut

up czy the thing is you really do look

uncan like one thing eyes you are

obviously much more

intelligent good morning good afternoon

good to see you what kind of eggs do you

want

SC you guys been up all night why didn't

you tell me that Jack was a cop and why

didn't you tell me you spent the whole

night in the police station looking at

mug shots you could have taken 2 minutes

to call your mother why didn't you tell

me I had no friends and what is his

business about going to the movies at

midnight when you knew your mother would

be

worried

[Music]

you turned him into a

wh oh I think not toast oh

thanks Jack are you

okay we talked I mean I never just

talked to the woman before it's neat

neat wh next will be talking about

sex me and Jack are going out today I'm

having them on a cat oh no your license

to Kill expired at 4:00 this morning

young man get in here and eat some

eggs mom I have to I'm the only witness

you know like the kid in the movie with

Harrison Ford there is no

comparison we're not Jewish Amish

whatever is

Irene don't worry it won't be dead hard

there 8 million in the city and I'm very

good at catching people yeah and and the

future of the world may be at staken and

and

[Music]

maybe could you turn this up

please what's

that that the guy practice

killed that's right

jack you like classical

music I don't know I think it

will

[Music]

wow you tell my mom who you really were

yeah cop from La I mean really not

really enough for right

now

so you think for sure you're going to

catch him I always catch everybody and

you're going to spot him from up here

hey give me a break it's the first time

I've been to any place

real that is ticket of

yours it worked in one

movie does that mean that Benedict could

use it again you mean on other movies

why would you want to do

that I don't

know

it start the possibilities are

Limitless but I realized after the car

crash that the ultimate Freedom would

always elude me until Jack Slater was

forgive the pun taken out of the

picture and I thought perhaps you might

like to be inclined to

help look I understand that all this

must be strange and difficult for you

but if you do this right the world is

your

oyster trust

me you can have complete freedom to do

whatever you

want beyond even your wildest

dreams and you'll never have to go back

to this film

[Music]

again now I know you've never heard of

this man but his actual name Believe It

or Not Arnold schwartzen

girl jack there's going to be a thousand

theaters in this city and we've been

looking for 5 hours sh you're that close

and catching him no that close and

catching pneumonia look in my world they

just leave Clues but we're not in your

world they just show up and then kidnap

me that kind of stuff doesn't happen

here Jack because this world St hey the

world is what youd make of it Danny now

if you want to give up and go home then

go

ahead you believe him in the movies why

not now because here you're just

[Music]

[Music]

Just Jack Jack there he

is

[Music]

hey are you

nuts you

crazy you seen those movies where they

say make my day why worst nightmare well

listen to this one Rubble baby buggy

bumpers you didn't know I'm going to say

that did

you where did you go how would I know

the guy's in the back reading the

paper you all right jack he has been

going to the movies kids they into half

a

it hi I'm Army Archard here and we are

live to you from New York we're just

moments away from the world premere of

Arnold schwar

Jack Slater for and here's the man they

come to see folks there's no mistaking

that car here they are Arnold

schwarzeneger and his wife

Maria so good to see

[Music]

you

enjoyed was just beautiful I just loved

it the restaurant hate it when you the

restaurants the so T so why was he going

to the movie maybe to get help Benedict

to damn near anything with the ticket

but we still know who he is so he's got

to take us out he can't get to you well

suppose he doesn't have to get to me

suppose all he has to do is get to him

Benedict is going to kill

Schwarzenegger Schwarzenegger who's

Slater

Bingo we killed less people in this

movie this movie we only killed 48

people in compared to the last one where

we kill 119 and I want to make sure that

the action fans understand we make up

for it with a good story lot of emotions

depths Dimensions there are thousands in

attendant here tonight and millions more

listening to us live around the world

I'm going to direct it produce it and

star it is this guy a success story or

what only in aerica well only in

Hollywood I would say talking about

Hollywood if Planet Hollywood with this

incredible memorability I'm telling you

it's just absolutely absolutely

was

humiliating

good Chris Chris check this out look

it's the Ripper from Jack Slater 3 scary

let's ask him a question okay wow if we

can get him over here the method vill

rip rip come here what R brings you here

tonight I

uh I thought I might kill

someone maybe you should start with your

designer nobody wants to miss out

tonight just keep coming stars are

really shining in Time Square excuse me

sir let's see your

invitation Pete Pete it's okay it's I'm

his agent Tom Jesus Christ Tom here oh

my goodness it's Tom Newton of course

the actor who played the Ripper the

r well what are you not you want to play

ax Killers the rest of your life honey

honey come here I'm going to need the

manager's office for about 5 10 minut

you're sorry here's 50 bucks how sorry

are you now what do you think Jack

Slater says about America do we want to

hear it I don't really want to hear it

I'm not really a big fan of Arnold's uh

she is you know Arnold really turns

around and I just want to be there when

it happens it's

all oh good Tom you got the props too

that's terrific why don't you just whip

a Habachi out from under your coat there

and we could make some shishkabobs for

the critics that' be good you're lucky I

have a friend who rents

tuxedos hello yeah I know it's tell him

it's

me did Nicholson show up to the premier

Batman dress as a joker I don't think

so hi how Murray get me your

brother-in-law will you yes it's

important it fits night moving the

button was a good idea just get

[Music]

hey what the hell was

that you're a big action guy I mean what

do you think about this I will never

miss the premiere for a second where am

I

sitting where where am I sitting um

there's two balconies I believe you're

in the uh upper lower balcony okay you

stay here and be

[Music]

careful somebody should be checking out

of the

balcony

[Music]

definitely

[Music]

look Deal's done right what stayer five

[Music]

soundtrack

[Music]

Jack Jack it's the rer it's brought back

the rer

[Music]

bener everybody

[Music]

down

ass get the hell off

me the scooter should let me know when

they're planning a stunt you know you're

the best celebrity lookalike I've ever

seen hey if you get to Los Angeles call

my office we can get the shopping center

opening look I don't really like you

right you brought me nothing but pain

Jack

help did anyone come out of here did you

see

any crazy of a coming out of

[Music]

here hey Jack I'll C you

are you all right

Dy yes yes

sir you know I tried to change

Jack you know I I really tried to do

what he told me to do

but you know I kept hearing that old

music that's how I knew you'd come here

J I lose the

peace

yeah it's now between you and me to let

the boy go now we've played this number

before haven't we check let's see what

comes next uh you throw the the the uh

the gun away right we did that part and

uh tell me to let the go and

uh I'm getting bored why don't we just

skip to the

end

[Music]

come on Jack come on give here over here

right here Jack come on come here come

on Jack let's go man come here come here

Jack come on Jack on

[Music]

Jack

[Music]

[Music]

the hell you

will

Dy

Danny Danny I'll be right there I'm

coming hang

on just hang on

now any of you

right

I'm

coming Hold On Da and don't look

down oh God please don't let me

die listen

kid you grab my hand and we get out of

here I can't jack fall come on now Danny

trust

me I can't Jack listen to me Daddy

listen to me you hold on with your feet

and with your legs and you let your

hands go and I will catch you okay

believe in me I will catch you now get

my hand let's go go boys come on Benny

[Music]

yes

this hero stop is

limits I need a

hospital I think my shoulder is out of

the socket will a Mor

suffice

out

[Music]

give it up Benedict the whole AR is

swarming with cops oh I think I can

manage to avoid them but if not I'm

another little explosive surprise for

them gentlemen since you're about to die

anyway I may as well tell you the entire

PL think of villains Jack you want

Dracula

Dracula hang on I'll P him

Dracula I can get King Co we'll have a

nightmare with Freddy Krueger of a

surprise party for ad old Hitler and of

elector can do the catering and then

we'll all have a Ken in for Rosemary's

Baby all I have to do is snap my fingers

and they'll be here they're lining up to

get here and do you know why Jack shall

I tell you why because here in this

world the bad guys can

win I shall miss you

[Music]

jack G did you make a movie mistake you

forgot to reload the damn gun no

Jack I just left one chamber empty

[Music]

my arm you broke my

arm my

[Music]

arm see

Jack bad guys can win

[Music]

no sequel for

[Music]

you

the

[Music]

[Music]

ticket

[Music]

take him

home take him back to where this is just

a flash

w

don't you understand we got to get up

back to the

movies I said turn

[Music]

around right just right they always run

away hang

on Dan it do you know how to drive sure

I watched you didn't

I

[Music]

w

[Music]

get out of the

[Music]

way Nick fire off the projector hurry

let dying you got the ticket nobody it's

going to work anyway it's got

to

[Music]

just hold

onck it's got to be here

[Music]

Jack please please Nick hurry don't want

open no sweat Kat

you try

it just

so where do you think you're going back

off you can't have I've had enough to

hear with you mister who stays who goes

telling you this one

[Music]

stays I was only

curious he's not on any of my

lists though you

are

Daniel now oh

no you die a

grandfather

wait a

minute help us you got to get him back

you can do it I know you can I don't do

fiction not my

field

sorry you are a very brave young

man unfortunately you're not very

bright if I were

you I might be looking for the other

half of the

[Music]

ticket they're all

gold they're all

gold

yes I've got it Jack I'll get you

she can't

die the grosses go down no this is going

to save

us

way

[Music]

C

[Music]

[Music]

for

[Music]

o take me anybody SE Slater you see you

tell him to get in my office right

now help

somebody they got Jack doctor hey Doc

move you take this you got to get back

before it changes its mind no way I'm

not going to leave you I just an

imaginary hero Danny you have a real

life you're real to me don't you get it

you're the best thing

in I need you to to be here where you

can always find me but I need you to be

out there to believe in me doctor doctor

I need you to take care of your mother

for me cuz oh I would love

to have a whole life ahead of you and

pimples and premature ejaculation I

[Music]

heard what it's

just I'm scared I'm never going to see

you

again whoever thinks

that will be making a big mistake

[Music]

out the way out of the way you want a

doctor I'm a doctor get out of the way

I'm a doctor here get out of the way get

out the way what happen what

[Music]

happened what is this some kind of a

joke I wouldn't even call us a flesh W

come on here let's get

[Music]

Dam it where in the hell have you

been it's working again and you know the

cost of that dough is coming right out

of your meager but undeserved paycheck

only kind I got to save the eager

Foundation doing a [ __ ] Tango up and

down that Hershey Highway put a suck in

it I don't care who does want to your

Hershey Highway and stop shouting I'm

not deaf you know why you're shouting

because it's in a script you had the

comic relief yes and you know what else

I am the hero so shut

[Music]

up you see Hollywood is riding our lives

and you know something I don't want to

shoot people like

blow

bu you got to be a magician after all

Nick it really does

work I I think it's yours Danny and you

know

something I think the magic was yours

too come

on I tell you about the time I was about

your age and my pop took me to see

Buffalo Bill we went P

[Music]

stage

[Music]

[Music]

back

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

around

like

the

[Music]

that's now there's

magic through

soul but

you

it I'll

be

you go and I'll be there to to remind

you that it only takes a minute of your

precious around I'll

be

[Music]

behind

[Music]

[Music]

there's a magic running through your

soul but you you can't have it

[Music]

all

you I'll be two steps behind

you and I'll be there to remind

you that it only takes a minute of your

precious

time to turn around round I'll be two

steps

[Music]

behind

[Music]

Dre

dream

dream

dream

[Music]

Dre

[Music]

[Music]

know

[Music]

m

[Music]

real

[Music]

her

[Music]