Original subtitles

WELL, THANKS, FLOYD.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD ON.

WE CAN'T LET A CLIENT IN THE PUBLIC EYE LOOK LOPSIDED.

YEAH, YOU'RE MY BEST ADVERTISING, BARNEY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL...

UH-OH.

LOOKS LIKE WE MIGHT JUST HAVE

AN INFRACTION OF RULE EIGHT, SECTION B HERE.

YOU ABOUT DONE, FLOYD?

DONE.

[ MUSIC PLAYS IN SYNCH WITH BARNEY'S PACING ]

YOU GET HIM?

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

JUST TWO INCHES INSIDE THE LAW.

WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT?

WHY, SAM BECKER'S.

I SAW HIM GO IN THE GROCERY STORE.

OH, THAT STRANGE DUCK.

I OUGHT TO GIVE HIM A TICKET

JUST TO MAKE HIM SAY SOMETHING.

YEAH, HE'S PRETTY TIGHT-LIPPED, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH. HE'S BEEN LIVIN' UP THERE

AT THE OLD BURCH PLACE FOR SIX MONTHS.

AIN'T SAID WORD ONE.

NOT TO ME, ANYWAYS. HE EVER TALK TO YOU?

HE CUTS HIS OWN HAIR.

HE TELL YOU THAT?

DIDN'T HAVE TO.

I CAN SPOT AN AMATEUR HEAD A MILE OFF.

[ CLEARS THROAT ] HERE HE IS.

HIYA, FELLA.

HI.

WELL, I SEE YOU'RE PUTTING THE OLD GROCERIES

RIGHT IN THE BACK OF THE OLD TRUCK THERE.

UH-HUH.

FIND OUT ANYTHING?

PLENTY.

HE DIDN'T SEEM TO SAY MUCH.

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO. DID YOU NOTICE HIS EYES?

THE WAY THEY'D KIND OF MOVE BACK AND FORTH...

SHIFTY?

THEY LOOKED A LITTLE LOOSE.

YEAH, THIS BABY'S HIDING SOMETHING, FLOYD.

IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK?

NO!

IN HERE.

SOMETHING DEEP.

GUILT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER HIM.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, FLOYD...

HUH?

THIS FELLOW'S A CHALLENGE TO ME.

I'LL OPEN HIM UP.

H-HERE HE COMES AGAIN.

DON'T LOOK AT HIM-- HE'LL KNOW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HIM.

WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU TOLD ME NOT TO LOOK AT HIM.

NOW'S AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY.

HIYA, FELLA.

GOT ALL YOUR GROCERIES, I SEE.

BOY, THAT MARKET SURE IS GETTING CROWDED

ON WEDNESDAY MORNINGS.

I NOTICED THAT WHEN I'D GO IN TO GET MY GREENS.

YOU CAN'T HARDLY GET NEAR THE PLACE.

WHAT THEY REALLY OUGHT TO DO IS HAVE SELF-SERVICE.

THEN A PERSON MIGHT BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S... LET'S KEEP THIS TRAFFIC MOVING.

WHAT TRAFFIC?

WELL, UH...

ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP, FLOYD!

WHAT DO YOU...

JUST BREAK IT UP!

GO ON.

WHAT...WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

OH, I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT SOMETHING

ABOUT THAT SAM BECKER

AND GET HIM TO TALK A LITTLE BIT.

WELL, MAYBE HE'S JUST A QUIET TYPE.

SOME FOLKS DON'T TALK MUCH.

DON'T IT BOTHER YOU

THE WAY HE WON'T LOOK YOU IN THE EYE,

THE WAY HE'S ALWAYS IN A HURRY?

THE BUSIEST MAN IN THE WORLD

HAS FIVE MINUTES TO PASS THE TIME OF DAY.

OH, I EXPECT HE'S JUST SHY.

YEAH, WELL, FOR MY MONEY HE'S GOT

ALL THE FACIAL CHARACTERISTICS OF A CRIMINAL.

YOU KNOW, THE... THE NARROW CHIN

AND THE EYES CLOSE TOGETHER

AND SLACK JAW WITH A PROMINENT OVERBITE.

YOU KNOW WHO THAT SOUNDS LIKE?

WHO?

YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ANDY.

ALL RIGHT, MAKE YOUR LITTLE JOKE,

BUT JUST THE SAME, I DON'T HAPPEN TO TRUST THAT FELLOW.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HIM I JUST DON'T LIKE.

GET THAT WINDOW OVER THERE, WILL YOU, OPE?

RIGHT, PA.

OH, I HATE STORMS.

THEY MAKE ME SO NERVOUS.

TONIGHT'S GOING TO BE A BEAUT--

THUNDER AND LIGHTNING, 40-MILE-AN-HOUR WIND.

BETTER GET YOUR NERVES ALL TUCKED IN.

PA, DO YOU THINK LIGHTNING WILL HIT OUR BACKYARD?

NOW, GO AHEAD AND GIVE YOUR AUNT BEE

SOME WORRISOME NOTIONS, WILL YOU?

I AIN'T WORRIED.

I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT PUTTIN' A PENNY OUT THERE.

A PENNY HIT BY LIGHTNING'S WORTH SIX CENTS.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

NAT PIKE TOLD ME.

OH, NAT PIKE IS ALWAYS TELLING OPIE

THE CRAZIEST THINGS.

YOU BELIEVE HIM?

SURE.

I WOULDN'T PUT STOCK IN WHAT NAT TELLS YOU.

WHY NOT?

WELL, FOR ONE THING

HE'S ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD.

HE MAY BE YOUNG, BUT HE'S BEEN AROUND PLENTY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

OH, HELLO, BARNEY.

HI, AUNT BEE.

COME IN.

HI, OPE.

HI, BARNEY.

UH...ANDY, CAN I TALK TO YOU PRIVATE?

I, UH...I GOT SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW YOU.

OH, OF COURSE.

AUNT BEE, WOULD YOU AND OPE EXCUSE US?

OF COURSE. COME ALONG, OPIE.

HEY, OPIE.

YEAH, PA?

HERE'S A...HERE'S A COUPLE OF PENNIES FOR THE STORM.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO LOSE?

GEE, THANKS, PA.

OKAY.

WHAT...WHAT'S UP, BARNEY?

I'VE BEEN DOING A LITTLE RESEARCH ON THE BECKER CASE.

THE BECKER CASE?

YEAH, NOW GET THIS--

"SAMUEL W. BECKER," NUMBER ONE.

"OCCUPATION: UNKNOWN."

HE'S A FARMER.

IS HE?

NOW, NUMBER TWO--

"NOBODY IN TOWN KNOWS WHERE HE COME FROM

"NOR WHAT HE DID THERE

BECAUSE HE NEVER TALKS TO ANYBODY."

SO?

NUMBER THREE, AND GET THIS--

I CASED ELLIE'S SALES RECORDS AT THE DRUGSTORE.

"ONE MR. SAM BECKER

"PURCHASED THE FOLLOWING IN LARGE AMOUNTS:

"ABSORBENT COTTON, ANTISEPTICS,

"VITAMINS, TRANQUILIZERS...

AND SWAB STICKS."

WELL, I'LL ADMIT THAT IS A LOT OF DRUG ITEMS

FOR ONE MAN TO BUY,

BUT MAYBE HE'S JUST LAYING IN A SUPPLY.

BOY, YOU WOULDN'T NOTICE

A MUDDY ELEPHANT IN THE SNOW, WOULD YOU?

YOU TRYING TO TELL ME

SAM BECKER'S GOT A DIRTY ELEPHANT UP TO HIS PLACE?

NOW, ANDY, THIS IS NO KIDDING MATTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

WHAT?

I THINK HE'S GOT SOMEBODY UP THERE WITH A BULLET IN HIM.

OH, COME ON!

JUST DO ME ONE FAVOR--

TAKE A RUN UP THERE WITH ME TO LOOK AROUND.

I DON'T WANT TO GO WAY UP IN THE COUNTRY

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

JUST TO SATISFY YOUR CURIOSITY.

MY CURIOSITY?

COME ON.

WILL IT MAKE YOU HAPPY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.

AUNT BEE, I'LL BE BACK AFTER A WHILE.

COME ON.

DUCK!

NOW, YOU GOT TO ADMIT, THAT'S PRETTY WEIRD.

WHAT'S HE DOING OUT IN THAT FIELD

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

HE'S DISKING IT.

AT NIGHT?

A LOT OF FOLKS DO THEIR WORK AT NIGHT.

THEY'RE BEHIND IN THEIR PLANTING,

CAN'T STAND THE HEAT OF THE DAY.

I'M SURE I COULD THINK OF A FEW MORE REASONS

IF I WAS TO CONCENTRATE MY MIND ON IT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GRANT YOU POINT ONE.

HE IS PLANTING.

BUT WHAT'S HE PLANTING?

THIS TIME OF THE YEAR, BARLEY, LIMA BEANS MAYBE.

AND/OR?

AND/OR WHAT?

AND MARIJUANA.

OR SOME OTHER ILLEGAL CROP.

YOU KNOW, HE JUST COULD BE --

HOLD IT.

WELL, YOU SAW THAT FOR YOURSELF.

WHAT'LL WE DO?

I GOT A PLAN.

THANK HEAVENS YOU'RE FINALLY COMING TO YOUR SENSES.

OKAY, SHOOT.

FIRST WE GO BACK TO TOWN AND SPLIT UP.

DEPLOY.

YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.

YOU GO MAKE YOUR 11:00 ROUNDS.

I'LL GO BACK TO THE OFFICE AND HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE.

OH, BOY...ALL THIS GOING ON AND I'M SUPPOSED TO GO BACK

AND SHAKE DOORKNOBS ON A BUNCH OF PENNY-ANTE STORES?

I'M SORRY, BARNEY, BUT THERE'S NOTHING IN THE BOOKS

THAT SAYS IT'S ILLEGAL

FOR A MAN TO JUMP OFF HIS TRACTOR AND RUN UP TO HIS HOUSE.

LET'S GO.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

NOW, EASY, OTIS, EASY, IT'S JUST NOISE.

THUNDER IS JUST A COUPLE OF CLOUDS BUMPING TOGETHER.

IT CAN'T HURT YA.

IT GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

IS THAT ALL IT IS?

THAT'S ALL.

NOW, YOU LAY DOWN AND GO TO SLEEP.

MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD IN THE MORNING.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

SHERIFF TAYLOR.

WELL, SURE THING, SAM.

I'LL GET OUT THERE AS QUICK AS I CAN.

BYE.

HEY...HEY, HEY, OTIS, WHEN BARNEY COMES BACK,

TELL HIM THAT I'VE GONE UP TO SAM BECKER'S HOUSE.

HE'S GOT SOME KIND OF TROUBLE UP THERE.

OKAY?

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

HE WENT UP TO SAM BECKER'S PLACE?

HE MUST BE CRAZY GOING UP THERE BY HIMSELF.

WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM, OTIS?

WELL, I -- FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES,

A PRISONER HAS TO TAKE ON SOME RESPONSIBILITIES.

NOW, OTIS, TELL ME AGAIN WORD FOR WORD

JUST WHAT ANDY TOLD YOU.

WELL, HE -- THINK, MAN, THINK.

JUST THAT HE WAS UP AT SAM BECKER'S.

UH-HUH. CAN YOU REMEMBER WHAT THE MAN LOOKED LIKE

THAT BROUGHT THE MESSAGE?

NO, BECAUSE -- WAS HE A BIG FELLA?

WELL -- DID HE LOOK LIKE HE'D COME FROM OUT OF TOWN?

YOU KNOW, LIGHT-GRAY HAT, WELL-TAILORED SUIT?

I JUST CAN'T TELL YOU, BARNEY.

WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE

LEARN TO DEVELOP YOUR POWERS OF OBSERVATION?

THE MESSAGE CAME ON THE TELEPHONE.

DON'T TOY WITH ME, OTIS. JUST DON'T TOY WITH ME.

WHO KNOWS WHAT ANDY'S WALKIN' INTO?

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

ALL RIGHT, SAM, ALL RIGHT.

JUST SIMMER DOWN. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

YOU EVER DONE THIS BEFORE, ANDY?

PLENTY OF TIMES.

I'VE BROUGHT PLENTY OF BABIES INTO THE WORLD.

YOU HAVE? YOU GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. NOT A THING.

NOW, IF YOU'LL JUST SHOW ME WHERE I CAN WASH UP...

WASH UP.

YES, AND GET A WHOLE LOT OF BOILING WATER GOING.

BOILING WATER. THAT'S RIGHT.

AND GATHER UP ALL THE CLEAN TOWELS.

CLEAN TOWELS.

WASH UP, BOILING WATER, CLEAN TOWELS.

DOGGONE THAT DOC WINTERS.

HE WOULD HAVE TO BE OUT OF TOWN

TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS.

WHY DO BABIES PICK SUCH CRAZY HOURS TO BE BORN?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THEY JUST AIN'T OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE WATCHES YET.

NOW, WHERE CAN I WASH UP?

WASH UP... OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

CLEAN TOWELS, BOILING WATER, WASH UP...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

ALL I KNOW IS HE'S IN TROUBLE

AND I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.

WELL, COULDN'T YOU WAIT UNTIL MORNING?

GEE, MAYBE IT'LL STOP RAINING.

FLOYD, YOU DON'T SEEM TO REALIZE

THE SERIOUSNESS OF THIS SITUATION.

NOW, YOU GET DRESSED AND GET OVER HERE AS QUICK AS YOU CAN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A POSSE BEFORE, BARNEY.

WHAT'LL I WEAR?

FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, FLOYD.

JUST GET HERE.

IF YOU GOT A GUN, BRING IT.

GUN?

I HAVEN'T GOT A GUN

BUT MELBA'S GOT A PRETTY HEAVY WALKING STICK

THAT SHE USES TO PROP OPEN THE CELLAR DOOR WITH

WHEN SHE BRINGS UP THE PRESERVES.

FLOYD, ARE YOU STALLING?

NOW, LOOK-- YOU GET OVER HERE JUST AS QUICK AS YOU CAN,

AND YOU STOP BY AND YOU GET NATE AND CLARENCE

AND ANYBODY ELSE YOU CAN FIND.

NOW, THAT'S A CIVIC ORDER!

EVERYTHING'S GOING

ACCORDING TO SCHEDULE, SAM.

I'M JUST GOING TO CALL MY OFFICE

AND HAVE BARNEY BRING AUNT BEE UP HERE.

[ CLICKING ]

SARAH?

SARAH.

SARAH, I'M SORRY I WOKE YOU.

LISTEN, GET ME MY OFFICE, WILL YOU?

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

SHERIFF'S OFFICE, DEPUTY FIFE SPEAKING.

ANDY!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

BARNEY, LISTEN, I'M UP HERE AT SAM BECKER'S.

NOW, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY AND DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU

AND DON'T GET SIDETRACKED, BECAUSE THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I WANT YOU TO GO AND GET...

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING, SOMETHING'S HAPPENING!

ANDY! ANDY!

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

OTIS, THEY NAILED ANDY TRYING TO CALL ME!

IT'S UP TO ME NOW.

WHERE'S MY BULLET?

GET IT IN THERE.

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

OTIS, I GOT TO GET UP THERE.

NOW, LISTEN, IF THE PHONE RINGS, YOU ANSWER IT.

AND YOU CAN SORT OF TAKE CARE OF THINGS.

AND IF ANYBODY COMES OR IF THERE'S ANY, YOU KNOW --

OH, HERE.

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND HERE LONG ENOUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

NOW, DON'T DO THAT AGAIN, SAM.

OH, YOU GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF FALSE ALARMS.

BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS JUST SIT DOWN AND REST YOURSELF.

I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN.

BUT YOU'LL FEEL BETTER.

YOU'RE AS TIGHT AS A TEN-CENT TOP.

I THINK I'D FEEL A LOT BETTER

IF I CAN JUST WALK UP AND DOWN A LITTLE.

ALL RIGHT, SAM, YOU WALK UP AND DOWN,

AND I'LL JUST HAVE ME A CUP OF COFFEE.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

[ CHUCKLING ]

[ LOCK RATTLING ]

BARNEY! WHAT...

OH, BARNEY, I'VE BEEN IN A TERRIBLE FIX

THE LAST SEVERAL MONTHS.

WHY, EVERY TIME I WENT IN TOWN TO GO SHOPPING

I WAS WORRIED TO DEATH

ABOUT LILY ALL ALONE OUT HERE.

IT'S ALL I HAD IN MY MIND.

AND THEN, YOU SEE,

I COULDN'T LEAVE HER ALONE FOR VERY LONG

BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T HARDLY DO NOTHING FOR HERSELF

AND I HAD TO KEEP THE PLACE GOING.

SO I WAS SHOPPING, MARKETING, FARMING AT NIGHT.

DID YOU EVER TRY TO PUT IN A CROP IN THE DARK?

OH, IT'S TERRIBLE. YOU GET COLD OUT THERE.

AND YOU'RE NOT SURE WHERE YOU ARE.

I DOUBLE-SEEDED ONE PLOT THERE

AND...OH, IT'S JUST DOG WORK...

SAM, UH, CHECK ON THAT BOILING WATER.

IT COULD HAPPEN ANY TIME NOW.

CHECK ON THE BOILING WATER.

YEAH.

RIGHT, SHERIFF.

WELL, HE DON'T SAY MUCH IN TOWN.

HE SURE TALKS A LOT

AROUND THE HOUSE, DON'T HE?

SAY, ANDY, IF IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN ANY TIME NOW,

THAT DOCTOR OUGHT TO GET HERE.

THERE AIN'T GOING TO BE A DOCTOR.

OLD DOC WINTERS IS OUT OF TOWN.

IT'S TOO FAR TO GO GET ANYBODY ELSE, SO I HAVE TO DO IT.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE...

ANDY!

YOU...

AN...

AN...

ANDY, YOU CAN'T DELIVER A BABY.

WE GOT NO CHOICE.

AND DON'T YOU SPILL IT TO SAM, EITHER,

BECAUSE HE'S GOT A LOT OF CONFIDENCE IN ME,

AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO LOSE IT.

BUT, ANDY, YOU CAN'T DELIVER A BABY.

I'VE SEEN IT DONE A HUNDRED TIMES.

I'VE READ THE BOOK AND I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

ANDY, PAY ATTENTION TO ME. NOW, THINK BACK.

THINK BACK TO THE SPRING OF 1938,

MISS WEBSTER'S BIOLOGY CLASS.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

YOU FLUNKED! DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

YOU WAS DISSECTING THAT GRASSHOPPER AND YOU FROZE!

OH, BARNEY, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.

AREN'T YOU NERVOUS? TELL THE TRUTH.

'COURSE I'M NERVOUS.

I'M SCARED TO DEATH.

BUT I HONESTLY BELIEVE I CAN DO IT.

IF I DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T EVEN TRY.

BESIDES, WHO ELSE IS THERE? SAM?

WELL, HARDLY, NO...

YOU?

NO!

I'M IT, OLD BUDDY, AND I'M GOING TO NEED

ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT I CAN GET, TOO.

WELL, ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE THE DOCTOR.

BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT,

FOR HEAVEN SAKES, LET'S AT LEAST DO IT BY THE BOOK.

TAXICAB DRIVERS DO IT, STREETCAR CONDUCTORS.

IF A FULL-BLOWN SHERIFF CAN'T DO IT

HE OUGHT TO HANG UP HIS BADGE.

HERE WE ARE-- EMERGENCY BIRTHS.

I'VE ALREADY READ THAT, BARNEY, YOU DON'T...

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. IT WON'T HURT TO CHECK YOU OUT.

NOW, IT SAYS, "STERILIZE BY BOILING."

I'VE DONE THAT.

OH, YEAH, I COULD USE

A LITTLE COFFEE, ANDY.

OKAY, NOW, "IF COTTON BINDING TAPE

ISN'T AVAILABLE, TEAR SOME SHEETS..."

I'VE DONE THAT, TOO.

IT SAYS, "BORIC ACID AND COTTON BALLS..."

I'VE GOT THEM.

SHERIFF, SHERIFF, IT'S TIME, IT'S TIME!

IT SAYS, "SHERIFF, SHERIFF, IT'S TIME, IT'S TIME..."

IT'S TIME!

ANDY, IT'S TIME, IT'S TIME!

ANDY! ANDY! IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME!

NOW, IT'S NOT TIME.

NOW, BOTH OF YOU FELLAS

ARE JUST GONNA HAVE TO SIMMER DOWN

AND TAKE IT EASY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET YOUR MINDS

ON SOMETHING ELSE.

THE BEST THING FOR US TO DO IS JUST TALK ABOUT SOMETHING

OTHER THAN BABIES.

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING EXCEPT MY WIFE AND THE BABY.

WHY DON'T YOU START THE BALL ROLLING, BARNEY?

I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING.

YOU...YOU WAS IN THE ARMY, WASN'T YOU, BARNEY?

YOU KNOW DARN WELL I WAS, ANDY.

OH...OH, YEAH...

YEAH, SAM, I DID MY PART IN HELPING TO WHIP THE DREADED HUN.

OH, I WAS IN KOREA.

WELL, PUT IT THERE, OLD BUDDY.

I WAS ACROSS THE BIG POND, MYSELF.

THE OTHER PART OF THE WORLD, YOU MIGHT SAY.

I WAS SECOND IN COMMAND OF THIS OUTFIT.

THIS CORPORAL AND ME, WE WAS IN CHARGE OF OVER 3,000 BOOKS

IN THE PX LIBRARY ON STATEN ISLAND.

I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU SAY YOU WAS IN KOREA.

YEAH, 'COURSE I DIDN'T SEE MUCH ACTION.

BUT THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME

THEY SENT A COMPANY OF US OUT ON THE NIGHT PATROL.

THERE WAS ABOUT 200 OF US,

AND WE WENT DOWN BEHIND THIS LITTLE-BITTY KOREAN VILLAGE.

AND IT WAS DARK, OF COURSE,

AND THERE WAS A SNIPER STARTED SHOOTING AT US.

AND I BACKED INTO THIS ALLEY...

WHEN I LINED UP AT THE AID STATION,

THEY WANTED TO GIVE ME A PURPLE HEART.

I HAD TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

OF COURSE YOU DID.

SO I TOLD THEM WHAT HAPPENED.

I BACKED INTO A HENHOUSE

AND GOT SPURRED BY A ROOSTER.

[ BABY CRYING ]

OH, MY!

WELL, WHERE'D THAT COME FROM?

THIS IS SAM'S BOY.

COME ALONG ABOUT ARMY STORY NUMBER 17, I BELIEVE IT WAS.

LILY ALL RIGHT?

FINE, FINE-- COME THROUGH LIKE A REAL TROOPER.

SHE'S ASLEEP NOW.

ANDY, YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED ME.

YOU KNOW HOW GREAT I AM AT THESE THINGS.

OH, I COULDN'T SPARE YOU--

YOU WAS DOING TOO FINE A JOB KEEPING SAM HERE OCCUPIED.

HERE, SAM, TAKE YOUR BOY.

I'LL...I'LL BREAK IT.

NO, YOU WON'T.

JUST BE SURE TO KEEP HIS HEAD UP.

DON'T LET IT FALL BACK.

THERE YOU ARE.

IT'S THE BABY.

NICE GOING, ANDY.

YOU SURE DIDN'T FREEZE UP

ON THIS LITTLE GRASSHOPPER.

LET'S GO OUTDOORS, BARNEY.

I COULD USE A SMOKE.

SMELLS NICE AFTER THE RAIN, DON'T IT?

YEAH.

PSST!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

PSST!

OVER HERE!

FLOYD, WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING

UP HERE WITH GUNS?

UH...OH, THEY'RE JUST SOME BOYS

FROM AN OLD POSSE I WAS ORGANIZING THERE FOR A MINUTE.

A POSSE?

I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE, BARNEY.

NATE LOST THE KEYS TO HIS CAR.

MY MISSUS WOULDN'T LET ME TAKE HER STICK,

AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT...

DROP IT, WILL YOU, FLOYD?

[ BABY CRYING ]

SHERIFF?

COMING, SAM.

OH, IN CASE YOU ALL ARE INTERESTED

SAM'S A NEW PAPA--

EIGHT POUNDS AND NINE OUNCES.

[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

OH, AND, FLOYD, PASS THE WORD AROUND

WE GOT A NEW CITIZEN IN MAYBERRY.

WILL YOU HURRY, SHERIFF?

I CAN'T GET ANDY TO STOP CRYING.

ANDY?

YEAH.

All: AW!

GET A GOOD REST, LILY.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF THE YOUNG'UN.

CAN I HOLD HIM, AUNT BEE? CAN I, AUNT BEE?

NO, YOU CAN'T. THIS IS NOT A FOOTBALL.

BUT I WON'T DROP HIM.

HE'S A SQUIRMER, OPE.

[ UP-TEMPO GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING ]

WHAT'S THAT?

IT SOUNDS LIKE MUSIC FROM OUTSIDE.

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* WELL, WE'LL ALL HAVE CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS WHEN SHE COMES *

* YES, WE'LL HAVE SOME CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS WHEN SHE COMES *

* OH, WE'LL HAVE CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS *

* YES, WE'LL HAVE SOME CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS *

* AND WE'LL HAVE SOME CHICKEN AND DUMPLINGS WHEN SHE COMES *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THAT MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* WHEN SHE COMES * SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THAT MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* WHEN SHE COMES * SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THE MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THAT MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND THAT MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

[ ALL CHEERING ]

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]