Original subtitles

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PLAYING CHECKERS.

WITH YOURSELF?

YEAH.

WELL, HOW YOU DOING?

WON TWO AND LOST TWO.

ANY OTHER GAMES YOU PLAY BY YOURSELF?

YEAH. I SOMETIMES PLAY MYSELF TWO-HANDED ROB-THE-DECK CASINO.

YOU DO? YEAH.

AND SOMETIMES I ALSO PLAY MYSELF

A FOUR-HANDED GAME OF PARCHEESI.

DO YOU MIND?

NO, I DON'T MIND.

THERE'S SOMETHING I WISH YOU'D DO FOR ME, THOUGH.

WHAT'S THAT?

IF YOU WAS TO EVER PLAY YOURSELF A GAME OF PING-PONG,

I WISH YOU'D LET ME KNOW, BECAUSE THAT I GOT TO SEE.

YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, ANDY.

HERE, OPEN UP SOME OF THE MAIL.

MAYBE YOU WROTE YOURSELF A LETTER.

NEVER KNOW WHEN TO STOP, DO YOU?

JUST GO ON AND ON

AND ON AND ON AND ON.

IT'S KIND OF A SICKNESS WITH YOU, I GUESS.

OH, BARNEY, I WAS JUST PICKING AT YOU.

HEY, WE GOT A PACKAGE FROM THE HUBACHER BROTHERS.

OH! WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

THEY'RE STILL DOING TIME UP THE STATE PRISON.

LET'S SEE WHAT IT IS.

OH, THEY'RE IN LEATHER CRAFT.

A WALLET FOR ME AND A BOOKMARK FOR YOU.

AW.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE THREE OF THE NICEST FELLAS WE EVER SENT UP.

OH, HERE'S A NOTE.

IT SAYS, UH, SAYS, "DEAR ANDY AND BARNEY..."

SAYS, "HI FROM STATE PRISON.

"AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE ENCLOSED,

"WE ARE LEARNING A TRADE.

"AS YOU PROBABLY HAVE HEARD, WE WERE SEPARATED AWHILE

"WHEN ELMER WENT OUT ON PAROLE.

"BUT THANK HEAVENS HE'S BACK WITH US

AND WE'RE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN."

THAT'S NICE. IT IS NICE.

"YOURS TRULY, THE HUBACHER BROTHERS.

"P.S. -- WE'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.

WISH YOU WERE HERE. HA HA."

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

WISH WE WAS THERE -- IN THE PRISON.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH.

THEY'RE FUNNY BOYS.

WE OUGHT TO DRIVE UP THERE SOME SUNDAY AND SEE THEM.

YEAH.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

UH-OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THIS IS FROM THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.

THEY'RE SENDING A MAN DOWN HERE TO LOOK US OVER!

OH, IS THAT ALL?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IS THAT ALL?

THAT'S JUST ROUTINE.

THEY SEND A MAN DOWN EVERY NOW AND THEN.

IT'S NOTHING TO GET HET UP ABOUT.

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN LATE GETTING HERE.

SAYS HE'LL BE COMING IN TODAY.

TODAY?!

OH, GOSH, ANDY, WE GOT TO GET READY!

YEAH, BOY.

I GOT TO GET MY FISHING GEAR TOGETHER

AND OIL UP MY HUNTING GUNS.

WELL, HOW CAN YOU THINK ABOUT FISHING AND HUNTING

WHEN THERE'S AN INSPECTOR COMING?!

AND TODAY!

THIS IS AWFUL!

IT'S JUST AWFUL!

OH, BARNEY, NO USE TO GET

YOUR SKINNY LITTLE VEINS TO POPPING.

IT'S JUST SAM ALLEN.

UH, SAM ALLEN?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WASN'T HERE WHEN HE COME DOWN BEFORE.

SAM ALLEN-- HE'S THE INSPECTOR.

HE'S A BUDDY OF MINE.

WE GO FISHING AND HUNTING.

IT'S MORE A SOCIAL CALL THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

IT'S STILL AN INSPECTION,

AND WE OUGHT TO BE READY FOR HIM.

UH! OH!

WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?

THE CELLS WOULD HAVE TO BE EMPTY TODAY.

NOW, HOW DOES THAT LOOK?

WELL... IT LOOKS EMPTY IS HOW IT LOOKS.

IT SURE DOESN'T SPEAK WELL

FOR THE LAW AROUND HERE.

I'M GOING TO GO OUT AND GET US A PRISONER.

BARNEY, WE DON'T NEED A PRISONER.

YES, WE DO. WE NEED ONE TO DRESS UP THE PLACE.

ALL RIGHT, OTIS. COME ON. LET'S GO.

I GOT ONE, ANDY.

OTIS GETS TO BE IT, HUH?

DOGGONE IT, OTIS, YOU'RE A PRISONER.

NOW, ACT LIKE ONE.

BUT I LIKE YOU, BARNEY.

YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD,

BUT YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE

HUGGING ME WHEN I'M ARRESTING YOU.

ANDY, TELL HIM IT AIN'T REGULATION.

BUT HE LIKES YOU, BARNEY.

ALL RIGHT, TAKE IT EASY, OTIS. COME ON.

ANDY, MY OTHER GOOD FRIEND.

YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED TO HUG THE SHERIFF NEITHER.

BUT I LIKE YOU BOTH.

YOU'RE BOTH MY GOOD FRIENDS,

AND I'M GLAD TO BE WITH YOU.

THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY.

OH, AIN'T THAT NICE?

* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW *

* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I GOT DRUNK JUST SO I COULD COME OVER HERE

TO BE WITH YOU SO YOU COULD HELP ME

CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY.

OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT, OTIS.

WHY, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN WELCOME ANYHOW.

NO, THAT'S LIKE GOING TO A FRIEND'S STORE

AND NOT BUYING ANYTHING.

SHERIFF?

HUH?

CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?

SURE. HELP YOURSELF.

HEY, OTIS.

IT'S, UH... IT'S OVER HERE.

OH.

* I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW

* 'CAUSE I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *

HELLO, SARAH?

THIS IS OTIS CAMPBELL.

HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CALLS FOR ME ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY?

NOBODY CALLED TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

NOBODY.

ALL RIGHT, OTIS,

LET'S GET LOCKED UP.

COME ON, IN THE CELL.

NOW, WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE, BARNEY.

YOU CAN'T LOCK OTIS UP TODAY.

IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.

BUT THE INSPECTOR'S COMING.

AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

HEY, I GOT A IDEA.

SAM'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THIS.

HIM AND OTIS ARE PRACTICALLY BUDDIES.

HEY, OTIS, GUESS WHO'S COMING.

WHO?

SAM ALLEN.

HE IS?

WE'RE GOING TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY.

WE ARE?

YEAH. OH, THIS'LL TICKLE SAM.

I'LL GO GET US A CAKE.

[ MOANS ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

SOMEBODY REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY.

HEY, BARNEY, GUARD YOUR PRISONER.

PARTY IN A JAIL.

JIMINY.

IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE A LAWMAN CRY.

* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW *

* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW *

* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *

YES? WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

HOW DO YOU DO?

I'M FROM THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.

OH, WELL, WELCOME TO MAYBERRY, MR. ALLEN.

ALLEN? I'M NOT ALLEN.

OH, I-I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU WERE FROM THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.

I AM, BUT MY NAME IS CASE -- RALPH CASE.

I REPLACED SAM ALLEN.

YOU... YOU... YOU REPLACED SAM ALLEN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE, UH, SHERIFF TAYLOR?

YEAH. NO.

NO, I'M THE DEPUTY.

BARNEY FIFE.

DON'T TELL ME THAT'S THE SHERIFF.

WHO?

HIM.

OH, HIM?

OH, MY GOODNESS, NO.

THAT'S NOT THE SHERIFF.

WELL, WHO IS IT?

WELL... UH...

HE'S A PRISONER.

A PRISONER?

WELL...

WHAT IS THIS PRISONER DOING OUT OF HIS CELL?

HUH?

THIS PRISONER IS NOT IN A CELL. WHY?

WHY?

WELL...

I HAD HIM ON A WORK DETAIL, SIR.

SHERIFF TAYLOR SAYS TO ALWAYS KEEP

THESE PRISONERS HOPPIN'.

I GUESS I... I SORT OF OVER-HOPPED HIM.

I HAVE TO WATCH MYSELF.

YOU SEE, I HAVE A TENDENCY TO GET BRUTAL.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, OTIS.

GET THEM FEET DOWN.

LET'S GET IN THAT CELL!

COME ON, HUT, HUT, HEP, HAW.

AND STOP THAT SINGING!

THIS IS A PRISON, NOT A HOTEL.

LET'S GET IN THERE.

HA! HIYA!

HERE'S THE CAKE.

WHERE'S OTIS?

SHERIFF TAYLOR?

HOW DO?

I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.

HOLD THIS.

OTIS, WHAT ARE YOU A-DOIN' IN THERE?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE GUEST OF HONOR.

COME ON OUT HERE, BIRTHDAY BOY.

ANDY, THIS IS THE N INSPECTOR--

MR. CAKE... UH, CASE.

OH, HOW DO?

OH, THIS IS OTIS CAMPBELL.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

SAM ALLEN AIN'T COMIN'?

OH, I'M TAKING MR. ALLEN'S PLACE.

SAM AIN'T FEELIN' POORLY, IS HE?

HE'S ON A LEAVE OF ABSENCE.

OH, WELL, WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

WE WERE JUST FIXIN' TO HAVE A LITTLE PARTY.

EVERYBODY FORGOT OTIS' BIRTHDAY.

SHERIFF?

HEY, MAYBE AFTERWARDS WE COULD DO A LITTLE FISHIN'.

SHERIFF, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO FISH.

WANT TO DO A LITTLE FROG-GIGGIN'?

NOR TO GO FROG-GIGGING.

YOU'RE NOT MUCH LIKE SAM, ARE YOU?

APPARENTLY NOT.

EXCUSE ME.

Otis. Get in the cell.

BUT THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY...

In, in, in, in.

PARTY POOPER.

AIN'T THEY NICE DOILIES?

MY AUNT BEE MADE THOSE BY HAND.

SHERIFF, I'VE INSPECTED MANY A JAIL,

BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE LIKE THIS.

WHY, THANK YOU.

WHAT I MEAN IS, THIS JAIL DOESN'T EVEN SEEM LIKE A JAIL.

WELL, NOW, I'M GLAD IT HIT YOU THAT WAY.

THAT'S EXACTLY THE EFFECT WE WAS TRYIN' TO ACHIEVE.

SOME OF OUR PRISONERS HAVE SAID THAT OUR CELLS

ARE KIND OF LIKE A HOME AWAY FROM HOME.

HOME AWAY FROM...

WELL, SEE, MOST OF OUR PRISONERS

ARE FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS

AND DIFFERENT ONES LIKE THAT.

AND, WELL, WE FIGURE THEY'VE ALREADY MET

WITH SOME KIND OF MISFORTUNE.

WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT

MORE UNPLEASANT THAN WE CAN HELP.

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

IT'S AMAZING.

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

WHY, THANK YOU.

MUCH OBLIGED.

SHERIFF TAYLOR, HAVEN'T YOU EVER READ

ANY TEXTBOOKS ON PROPER PROCEDURE?

ANY SORT OF POLICE MANUAL?

UM, NO, I CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE.

I-I DID USED TO TAKE THE POLICE GAZETT THOUGH.

I HAD TO CUT IT OUT

WHEN DEPUTY FIFE JOINED THE FORCE.

WELL, SEE, IT HAD A LOT OF GIRLIE PICTURES IN IT,

AND BARNEY, HE'S... HE'S NEVER BEEN MARRIED.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH, BOY, IT SURE IS NICE TO HAVE THESE BABIES AROUND.

YOUR SIDEARM, PLEASE.

SIR?

YOUR PISTOL.

IT, UH, IS A PISTOL?

OH, YES, SIR.

THERE AREN'T ANY BULLETS IN THIS GUN.

OH, WELL, BARNEY KEEPS HIS BULLET IN HIS POCKET.

IN HIS POCKET?

MM-HMM.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU PUT IT

IN THE PISTOL, WHERE IT BELONGS?

YES, SIR.

AW, MR. CASE, I...

[ GUNSHOT ]

ANDY, TAKE THAT THING AWAY FROM HIM

'FORE HE KILLS US ALL.

SEE, MR. CASE, THAT'S WHY WE'VE GENERALLY FOUND

IT BETTER IF BARNEY KEEPS HIS BULLET IN HIS POCKET.

SEE, HE'S GOT THIS GREASY TRIGGER FINGER.

SHERIFF TAYLOR, THIS IS THE WORST EXCUSE

FOR A JAIL I'VE EVER SEEN.

I'D HATE TO THINK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

IF SOMETHING SERIOUS CAME UP HERE.

IT WOULD BE CHAOTIC, DISASTROUS!

WELL, THERE AIN'T NO USE THINKING GLOOMY THOUGHTS.

GOLLY, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

WELL, WE'LL SEE IF THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

I'M GOING TO CALL MY CHIEF AT THE STATE CAPITAL

AND HAVE HIM COME DOWN HERE AND SEE THIS FOR HIMSELF.

WELL, WHAT FOR?

TO SEE WHETHER OR NOT I'M RIGHT IN RECOMMENDING

THAT IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS BE STARTED AGAINST YOU

AND YOUR FORCE.

A SHERIFF'S OFFICE SHOULD BE RUN BY THE SHERIFF AND HIS DEPUTY,

NOT THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.

HUH.

FIRST, I DIDN'T THINK THAT FELLA WAS SO BAD,

BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE SURE DOES HAVE

A LOT OF NASTY IN HIM.

OH, ANDY, THIS IS AWFUL, JUST AWFUL.

I'M OUT A BULLET, AND YOU'LL SOON BE OUT A JOB.

AND I'M OUT A BIRTHDAY PARTY.

OH, HI, OPE.

GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD, PA.

HUH?

BARNEY WAS JUST AT THE HOUSE.

HE TOLD AUNT BEE THERE WAS AN INSPECTOR HERE

MAKING TROUBLE.

OH, LEAVE IT TO BARNEY.

HE SAID YOU MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE

IF YOU WAS AT LEAST IN UNIFORM.

SAID YOU NEEDED A HAT AND A TIE.

SO I BROUGHT YOU THESE.

OH.

THEY OKAY, PA?

IT WAS ALL I COULD FIND.

OH, I RECKON.

IS THAT INSPECTOR GONNA MAKE TROUBLE FOR YOU?

NO.

SURE HOPE NOT, PA.

'CAUSE I THINK YOU'RE THE BEST SHERIFF

IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

EVEN IF YOU DON'T CARRY A GUN.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR THAT TESTIMONIAL.

STILL, THOUGH,

IF BARNEY THINKS I OUGHT TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES,

MAYBE I OUGHT TO GIVE HER A TRY.

YOU RUN ALONG HOME.

OKAY, PA.

AND THANK YOU FOR THESE.

OKAY.

ANDY?

BACK HERE, BARN.

ANDY, I JUST SEEN INSPECTOR CASE, AND HE...

OH, IT'S JUST AWFUL, JUST AWFUL!

WHAT'S UP?

ANDY!

SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR REPORTING FOR INSPECTION, SIR.

ANDY, WHAT'S THAT?

DIDN'T YOU GO OVER TO THE HOUSE

AND TELL THEM TO SEND ME A HAT AND TIE?

WELL, YES. SO YOU'D BE IN UNIFORM.

NOT IN TRICK OR TREAT!

AW, YOU DON'T LIKE MY HAT AND TIE?

LOOK AT THIS TIE. SEE THEM DOTS THERE?

YOU LOOK AT THEM DOTS AND THEN LOOK AWAY

AND YOU STILL SEE THEM.

YOU WANT TO TRY? HMM?

YOU LIKE MY HAT WITH THE BRIM UP OR DOWN BETTER?

I GUESS DOWN FOR EVENING AND UP FOR DAY.

NOW, LOOK, ANDY, YOU AIN'T HEARD THE WORST.

I JUST SEEN INSPECTOR CASE A LITTLE WHILE AGO.

IS OLD MR. NASTY STILL AROUND?

HE SURE IS.

AND HE REALLY DID CALL HIS BOSS,

AND HE'S COMING HERE!

HE'S REALLY COMING!

WELL, I'M CLEANING THE PLACE UP.

WELL, ANDY, YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.

THIS IS THE SORRIEST JAIL HE'S EVER SEEN.

I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT TOO MUCH, BARNEY,

COMING FROM A TOTAL STRANGER.

STRANGER? THAT MAN'S AN OFFICIAL.

AN OFFICIA OFFICIAL.

AND THE OFFICIAL HE'S BRINGING IN

IS EVEN MORE OFFICIAL.

OH, BARNEY.

ANDY, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT A WORLD

THEY CAN DO TO US IF THEY...

BARNEY!

YOU BEAT EVERYTHING.

THE KEY WOULD HAVE TO BE IN THE OTHER DOOR.

OH... OH... THIS IS AWFUL.

THIS IS JUST AWFUL.

YOU THINK MAYBE WE'D BETTER CALL?

MAYBE SOMEBODY OUTSIDE WILL HEAR US.

MIGHT AS WELL.

HELP!

HELP!

HELP!

HELP! OUT THERE, HELP!

HELP!

OH, MR. CASE?

MR. CASE?

WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN.

I GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT WE'RE DOING IN HERE.

UH, WE WAS JUST CONDUCTING AN EXPERIMENT

TO SEE HOW ESCAPE-PROOF THIS JAIL REALLY IS.

AND I WANT TO TELL YOU, WHEN THIS THING IS LOCKED,

YOU REALLY CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE.

LOOK AT THIS.

THE FACT IS

THE DOOR SLAMMED AND LOCKED US IN.

THERE'S A KEY IN THAT DOOR RIGHT BEHIND YOU THERE.

IF YOU'D GET IT AND LET US OUT, WE'D APPRECIATE IT.

SHERIFF, THIS MORNING

I THOUGHT I'D SEEN ALL THE SHENANIGANS

THERE WERE TO SEE.

BUT... I GUESS I WAS WRONG.

ONLY ONE THING I'M SORRY ABOUT.

THAT MY CHIEF WASN'T HERE TO SEE IT ALL.

BUT MAYBE YOU'LL PUT ON A SPECIAL SHOW FOR HIM?

HMM, POLKA DOT TIE.

OH, THESE...

I WAS JUST FUNNING WITH BARNEY.

WELL, SHERIFF, YOU JUST GO RIGHT ON FUNNING

AND WHEN MY CHIEF GETS HERE, WHICH SHOULD BE ANY MINUTE NOW,

WE'LL ALL SIT DOWN

AND HAVE A TALK ABOUT THE HOUSECLEANING

THAT THIS OFFICE IS IN FOR.

HOUSECLEANING?

NOW, LOOK HERE, MR. CASE.

YOU CAN CARRY ON AND MAKE THREATS AGAINST ME,

BUT YOU'RE SCARING MY DEPUTY HALF TO DEATH,

AND I WISH YOU'D STOP IT.

ANDY, PLEASE.

YOU CAN BE INSOLENT, TOO.

VERY WELL. IT'LL ALL BE DOWN IN HERE.

Man: SHERIFF.

Andy: WHAT IS IT, SAM?

YOU GOT TO COME QUICK.

IT'S LUKE REINER.

HE'S GOT HIS STILL OPERATING AGAIN,

AND HE HEARD SOMEBODY WAS GOING TO REPORT IT.

SO HE'S LOCKED HISSELF

UP IN HIS HOUSE, AND HE'S SHOOTING AWAY.

WON'T LET ANYBODY COME NEAR THE HOUSE.

THIS MAN HAS HIMSELF BARRICADED

AND IS FIRING AT PEOPLE?

LUKE CAN BE AWFUL MEAN.

AREN'T YOU GOING TO CALL THE STATE POLICE FOR HELP?

I RECKON WE CAN HANDLE IT.

SHERIFF, THIS CALLS FOR AN EXPERIENCED LAWMAN.

YEAH. COME ON, BARNEY.

SHERIFF!

[ GUNSHOT ]

HE AIN'T JUST KIDDING, IS HE?

NO, HE AIN'T.

HEY, LUKE!

LUKE! THIS IS ANDY TAYLOR!

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

[ GUNSHOTS ]

I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN IT.

YOU'RE TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE'D LIKE TO HAVE A CHAT.

WE GOT TO SHOW HIM WE MEAN BUSINESS.

YOU GOT A PORTABLE LOUDSPEAKER?

YEAH. RIGHT HERE IN THE TRUNK.

WE USE IT A LOT.

AT PICNICS.

YOU KNOW, CALLING RACES AND GAMES AND SUCH.

NOW, HEAR THIS.

THIS IS INSPECTOR CASE, STATE POLICE.

WE'VE GOT YOU SURROUNDED.

I WANT YOU TO DROP YOUR GUN

AND COME OUT HERE WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

THAT MAN'S DANGEROUS, A MANIAC.

WE'LL SMOKE HIM OUT.

GOT ANY TEAR GAS?

TEAR GAS?

AW, COME ON.

WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO? JUST STAY HERE?

I'M JUST GIVING HIM A MINUTE TO SIMMER DOWN.

IT'S TIME WE STOPPED PLAYING GAMES.

MAYBERRY TO STATE POLICE.

MAYBERRY TO STATE POLICE.

MAYBERRY TO STA...

WHAT ARE YOU CALLING THE STATE POLICE FOR?

TO GET THE JOB DONE.

GET EQUIPMENT IN HERE-- GUNS, TEAR GAS.

IF NECESSARY, TO BLAST HIM OUT.

NOW, THAT ALL SOUNDS AS BIG DEAL AS CAN BE,

BUT IT AIN'T REALLY NECESSARY.

OH, JUST WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO?

WELL, IF YOU'RE FINISHED WITH ALL YOUR PROPER PROCEDURE,

I RECKON WE'LL JUST GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS AND ARREST

THAT FELLA UP THERE.

MAYBERRY TO STATE POLICE...

MR. CASE...

YOU'RE GETTING EVERYBODY ALL HET UP OVER NOTHING.

NOW, I'M STILL THE SHERIFF HERE AND I'M BOUND TO DO MY OWN JOB.

BUT THAT MAN'S A MENACE.

HE TRIED TO KILL ME.

YOU MEAN WHEN HE SHOT YOUR HAT OFF?

NAW. IF LUKE HAD WANTED TO HURT YOU,

HE'D HAVE HURT YOU.

HE CAN SHOOT THE EARS OFF A FLY AT 40 PACES.

JUST BEING A LITTLE CUSSED.

IF YOU'LL QUIT PLAYING WITH THE RADIO,

I'LL JUST GO UP THERE AND PUT A STOP TO IT.

NOW, LUKE, I WANT YOU TO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.

[ GUNSHOT ]

SHERIFF TAYLOR!

YOU BETTER COME BACK HERE!

HE'S GOING TO GET HIMSELF KILLED.

ANDY KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

[ GUNSHOTS ]

I HOPE.

[ HORN BLARES ]

MR. BRADY, I'M SURE GLAD YOU GOT HERE.

YOU SOUNDED DESPERATE ON THE PHONE.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

IT'S THE SHERIFF, SIR. LOOK AT HIM.

[ GUNSHOT ]

HE'S WALKING STRAIGHT INTO THAT GUNFIRE.

DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO CALL THE STATE POLICE?

WAIT JUST A MINUTE, CASE.

BUT HE'LL GET KILLED, SIR.

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, LUKE,

ACTING LIKE A YOUNG'UN.

BAD ENOUGH YOU'RE SHOOTING AT BARNEY AND ME,

BUT TAKING POTSHOTS AT A TOTAL STRANGER?

YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

ALL RIGHT. TAKE THE PRISONER, DEPUTY.

ALL RIGHT.

BETTER LET ME HAVE THAT RIFLE, SHERIFF.

COME ON, YOU. LET'S GET IN THE CAR.

FOOL AROUND WITH US, WILL YOU?

COME ON, MOVE!

HUP, HUP, HUP! HEY! HA!

GET IN THERE! COME ON!

LIFT THEM, LIFT THEM!

GET IN THERE!

THAT WAS A NICE JOB, SHERIFF.

OH, MY NAME IS BRADY-- STATE POLICE.

OH, HOW DO?

TOOK A LOT OF COURAGE.

OH, NOT REALLY.

WE COME AND FLUSH OLD LUKE OUT EVERY NOW AND THEN.

OH? YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]

CASE, WHAT WAS THAT PHONE CALL ABOUT?

WHAT'S THE COMPLAINT HERE?

OH, YES, SIR.

I WANT TO REPORT A CHOCOLATE BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH CANDLES,

A GUN WENT OFF,

THERE WERE DOILIES ON THE CHAIRS,

AND HE WAS STANDING THERE WEARING A POLKA DOT TIE...

YES. I SAW HIM.

HE HAD A BIG POLKA DOT TIE ON,

AND HE WAS STANDING THERE...

A-AND THEN THE DEPUTY WAS... WAS, UH...

HE HAD A, UH, UH...

OH, WELL, NEVER MIND, MR. BRADY.

NEVER MIND.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I-I THINK THAT BOY'S BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.

OH?

YEAH.

HE'S RIGHT CURIOUS-ACTING.

WELL, SHERIFF,

YOU CAN NOW SAY THAT YOU HAVE A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH

FROM THE HEAD OF THE DEPARTMENT.

OH, MUCH OBLIGED, MR. BRADY.

SO LONG, SHERIFF. YES, SIR.

OH, UH, COME ON, CASE.

BYE, MR. CASE. COME BACK AND SEE US.

YES. UH, OF COURSE.

OH, UH, MR. CASE, WHENEVER YOU MAKE OUT YOUR REPORT,

I SURELY WOULD APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU DIDN'T MENTION THE DOILIES IN OUR JAIL.

WELL, WE WOULDN'T WANT THE OTHER SHERIFFS STEALING OUR DECOR.

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]