Original subtitles

GOLLY, THAT MUST BE SOME BOOK.

FIRST TIME I EVER SAW A FELLOW GET ALL WORE OUT

JUST READIN'.

THIS IS A HUMDINGER, YOU KNOW THAT?

THE ART OF JUDO.

IT OUGHT TO BE REQUIRED READIN'

FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS.

IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH.

JUST LISTEN TO THIS:

"THE PRACTICE OF JUDO IS NOT LIMITED

"TO SEEKING PHYSICAL PERFECTION.

"THROUGH HARD PRACTICE OF JUDO

ONE WILL BE ABLE TO CULTIVATE COURAGE TO ENDURE HARDSHIP."

I'LL BE DOGGED.

PROFESSOR MATSUMATO WROTE THAT.

HE DON'T COME FROM AROUND HERE, DOES HE?

NO. HE'S FROM THE OLD COUNTRY.

NOW, JUST FOR AN EXAMPLE.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO

IF YOU WAS TRYIN' TO ARREST A DESPERATE CRIMINAL

COMIN' AT YOU WITH A KNIFE

BUT YOU WAS UNARMED--

UH...

RUN?

[ LAUGHING ]

YOU'D USE THE KAMASHIHO GATAMI.

THE HOW?

THAT MEANS COUNTER THE ATTACK.

OH.

I'LL SHOW YOU.

COME ON, I'LL SHOW YOU.

HUH?

SEE THAT KNIFE?

THAT'S A KNIFE.

OH, THAT'S A KNIFE.

LIKE THAT?

NOW YOU COME AT ME

LIKE YOU WAS GONNA ATTACK ME.

COME AT YOU?

YES, RIGHT AT ME.

RIGHT AT YOU?

YEAH, REAL FAST.

WHAT IF I HURT YOU?

YOU WON'T HURT ME.

RIGHT AT YOU? LET'S GO.

HOLD IT!

JUST A SECOND, WAIT A MINUTE.

[ GRUNTING ]

YOU GONNA TO DO ALL THAT TO ME?

NO, NO, I'LL TAKE IT EASY ON YOU.

I'LL TAKE IT EASY.

COME AT ME.

RIGHT AT YOU?

YEAH. READY? OKAY, READY.

HA! ONE, TWO...

ANDY, UM, YOU WANNA LET LOOSE

LET GO...

IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?

NO, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.

I STILL GOT THE KNIFE.

I KNOW, BUT YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.

YOU DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT, ANDY.

OH, WELL, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE, I'M GONNA TRY THE OTHER WAY.

OKAY.

OH, THIS IS THE KOMASHIDO.

YEAH?

THE KOMASHI METHOD.

KOMASHIDO?

DO THIS IN SLOW MOTION.

YEAH. THIS WAY?

COME AT ME THIS WAY.

DOWN?

YEAH, GET HER UP THERE.

SLOW MOTION.

I'LL SHOW YOU STEP BY STEP.

COME ON.

OKAY.

LOOK AT THAT.

SEE THAT?

YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

NOW I JUST DO THIS.

YEAH?

DOESN'T MATTER HOW STRONG YOU ARE

BECAUSE IT'S LEVERAGE.

I JUST FORCE YOU RIGHT DOWN.

I'LL BE DOGGED.

NOW, LET'S TRY IT.

REALLY FAST.

REALLY TRY TO GET ME.

OKAY, YOU READY?

YEAH.

HI, HIP, HEH.

COME ON.

HIP, HA! HEE!

NOW I JUST FORCE YOU...

LIKE THAT.

[ GROANING ]

YOU WANT TO LET ME UP?

HUH?

WANT TO JUST LET ME UP?

IS THAT ALL YOU GONNA DO?

WELL, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.

YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS.

OH, GOLLY, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

[ PHONE RINGS ]

HELLO, SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

WHAT?

AGAIN?

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT OVER.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID WRONG NOW.

YOU WAS HOLDIN' THE KNIFE IN THE WRONG HAND.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I'LL TRY TO BE MORE CONSIDERATE

NEXT TIME I ATTACK YOU.

BETTER SEE IF THEY GOT ANY DEFENSE

AGAINST AN ATTACK BY FLYIN' PLATES.

FLYIN' PLATES?

YEAH, THE BOONES.

ARE THEY AT IT AGAIN?

YEAH, JUST HAD A CALL FROM A NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.

SOUNDS LIKE A WILD AND WOOLLY ONE.

THEM TWO BEAT EVERYTHING, DON'T THEY?

EVER SINCE MOVING TO TOWN

THEY BEEN AT EACH OTHER.

YEAH.

TAKE YOUR BOOK ALONG.

HUH?

WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN PRACTICE ON MIZ BOONE.

OH.

[ WOMAN YELLING ]

[ CROCKERY BREAKING ]

[ MAN YELLING ]

GO IN THERE, SHERIFF

BEFORE THEY KILL ONE ANOTHER.

IT'LL BE A GOOD THING.

MAYBE WE'D GET A LITTLE PEACE HERE.

CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, SHERIFF?

MAYBE YOU ALL BETTER JUST GO ON HOME.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

YEAH, YEAH, GET BACK, EVERYBODY.

WE'RE GOING IN NOW.

Man: AFTER THAT GARBAGE...!

OPEN UP IN THERE!

OPEN UP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW!

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

OPEN UP, I SAID!

THIS IS DEPUTY BARNEY FIFE!

[ CROCKERY SHATTERS ]

FRED, JENNIE?

YOU AIN'T GOT A CHANCE.

THE PLACE IS SURROUNDED.

NOW OPEN THIS DOOR!

...YOU FAT-MOUTHED...

BARNEY, WHY DON'T WE JUST OPEN IT?

NOW YOU REALLY GOT US RILED.

YOU ALMOST HIT THE SHERIFF.

GO GET 'EM, SHERIFF.

STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP IT, RIGHT NOW!

WHY, HELLO, ANDY.

HOW ARE YOU?

GLAD TO SEE YOU.

FRED, YOU AND JENNIE KNOW

YOU'RE DISTURBIN' THE PEACE.

WE'RE JUST HAVIN' A FRIENDLY ARGUMENT.

I WANT YOU TO STOP IT.

QUIT IT RIGHT NOW.

I'LL QUIT WHEN SHE QUITS HER EVER-LAST NAGGIN'.

NAGGIN'?

NAG, NAG, NAG.

HOW'D YOU LIKE A BIG FAT LIP?

I'D LIKE IT FINE.

MATCH YOUR BIG FAT MOUTH.

DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP,

YOU OLD CROW.

CROW, CROW!

[ CAWING ]

[ EVERYBODY SHOUTING ]

JENNIE, PUT THAT CUP DOWN.

PUT IT DOWN RIGHT NOW!

[ SHATTERS ]

[ GROANS ]

I DIDN'T MEAN THERE.

ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

DO WE PULL 'EM IN?

DON'T THINK I AIN'T TEMPTED.

DON'T THINK I AIN'T GOT GROUNDS

TO DO IT, TOO.

FRED, YOU AND JENNIE

IT'S THE LAST TIME I'M WARNIN' YOU.

THE NEXT TIME I'LL PULL YOU IN.

THERE BETTER NOT BE A NEXT TIME

DO YOU HEAR ME?

SORRY TO CAUSE YOU TROUBLE, ANDY.

I'M SORRY, ANDY.

HOPE I DIDN'T HURT YOUR FOOT NONE, BARNEY.

OH, WELL, NO.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT IN A COUPLE WEEKS.

I WANT BOTH OF YOU

TO STRAIGHTEN UP AND ACT LIKE SOMEBODY.

WE GOTTA GET SOME FISHIN' IN, ANDY.

YEAH, I RECKON WE HAVE.

I'VE BEEN BUSY LATELY.

WE'LL GET UP A TRIP PRETTY SOON.

COME BACK AGAIN, ANDY.

HOW'S AUNT BEE?

OH, SHE, SHE'S DOING FINE.

WE'LL SEE YOU. ALL RIGHT.

Fred: SEE WHAT YOUR BIG MOUTH DID?

MY BIG MOUTH, YOU BIG BABOON?

FRED! YOU AND JENNIE -- I MEAN IT.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

[ ALL SHOUTING ]

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?

THAT WARNING YOU GIVE 'EM LAST NIGHT

DIDN'T DO ANY GOOD.

THIS MORNIN' THEY'S AT IT AGAIN.

I WAS OUT ON PATROL AND HEARD THE RACKET.

YOU'RE THE LIMIT.

DON'T YOU EVEN STOP FOR BREAKFAST?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU?

IF SHE WOULD JUST KEEP HER BIG MOUTH SHUT...

ALL SHE DOES IS...

QUIET!

THROW THE BOOK AT 'EM.

WOULDN'T DO ANY GOOD.

JENNIE'D PICK IT UP AND THROW IT BACK AT FRED.

IF I WAS YOU I'D LOCK 'EM UP

AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.

THAT WOULDN'T DO ANY GOOD, EITHER

BECAUSE AS SOON AS THEY'D GET OUT

THEY'D START IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

FRED, YOU AND JENNIE, I DECLARE

YOU'RE JUST AS GUILTY AS ALL GET OUT.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IN THE WORLD

TO DO WITH YOU.

EVER SINCE YOU MOVED HERE

YOU GET ALONG WITH EVERYBODY ELSE FINE

YOU'RE NICE FOLKS.

HOW COME YOU ALL CAN'T GET ALONG?

HE'S THE MEANEST...

...GET ALONG WITH A SNAKE?

NOW, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

I AM BOUND TO FIND OUT WHAT STARTS THESE FIGHTS

AND THEN MAYBE WE CAN WORK FROM THERE.

WHAT WAS IT STARTED THE ROW THIS MORNIN'?

I WAS AT BREAKFAST.

HA! IF YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.

HE THROWED HIS PLATE OF FOOD ON THE FLOOR.

FOOD?

HA! THAT SLOP WASN'T FIT FOR THE HOGS.

OH, IT WAS FIT FOR HOGS.

THAT'S WHY I GIVE IT TO YOU.

THERE, YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

YOU NOTICE HOW SHE KEEPS...

HOLD IT!

WAIT A MINUTE.

FRED, FRED...

YOU AND JENNIE...

WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING YOU SAID

THIS MORNIN' AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE?

FIRST THING?

THAT'S RIGHT.

FIRST THING I SAY EVERY MORNIN'.

WHAT'S THAT?

YEUCH.

UH-HUH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, ANDY?

WELL, I BELIEVE

WE'LL JUST TRY A LITTLE EXPERIMENT HERE.

FRED, I WANT YOU TO SET DOWN RIGHT THERE.

AND, JENNIE, YOU SET DOWN RIGHT THERE.

DO I HAVE TO SIT?

YES, YOU HAVE TO SET RIGHT DOWN.

NOW, NOW, NOW, THIS IS YOU TWO

OVER AT YOUR HOUSE AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE.

NOW, FRED, I WANT YOU

TO SAY SOMETHING NICE TO JENNIE.

WHAT?

YEAH, SAY SOMETHING NICE TO JENNIE.

TO HER?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I'D RATHER EAT THE SLOP.

FRED, SAY SOMETHING NICE

OR GET LOCKED UP IN ONE OF THEM CELLS.

WELL, UH...

UH...

THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK, ANDY.

HE CAN'T EVEN THINK OF ONE THING.

ALL NEW THINGS COME HARD,

BUT I'M SURE FRED CAN WORK UP TO IT.

LET'S SEE.

HOW ABOUT A NICE "GOOD MORNIN'"

JUST FOR A STARTER?

OH, SHERIFF, THAT'S CRAZY...

FRED.

[ gruffly ]: MORNIN'!

NOT "MORNIN'!"

NICE AND POLITE, LIKE "GOOD MORNIN'."

NOW, FRED, SAY IT OR GET LOCKED UP.

M... MORNIN'.

NOW, NOW YOU, JENNIE.

JENNIE?

MORNIN'.

UH-HUH.

NOW, "GOOD MORNIN', DEAR."

"DEAR"?

"DEAR."

I'D RATHER DIE.

COME ON, JENNIE, YOU CAN DO IT.

"MORNIN', DEAR."

HOW COME YOU GIVE ME THE REAL HARD ONES?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A LADY.

NOW, COME ON, GIVE IT A TRY.

"MORNIN'..."

MORNIN'...

"DEAR."

DEAR.

NOW YOU AGAIN, FRED.

"MORNIN', HONEY."

HONEY? OH, SHERIFF...

"HONEY."

A MAN'S JUST MADE OUT OF FLESH AND BLOOD,

YOU KNOW?

COME ON, FRED.

"GOOD MORNIN', HONEY."

YOU THINK IT'D HELP IF I HELD THIS UP TO HIS HEAD?

IT MIGHT MAKE HIM SAY IT.

COME ON, FRED.

"MORNIN', HONEY."

MORNIN', HONEY!

NOW, THAT WASN'T SO BAD, WAS IT?

IT WASN'T SO GOOD, NEITHER.

I'D RATHER BE CALLED "SKUNK FACE" THAN "HONEY" LIKE THAT.

IT AIN'T GONNA WORK, ANDY, AIN'T GONNA WORK.

NOW, THAT WASN'T HALF BAD FOR A STARTER.

WE'LL DO THIS EVERY MORNIN' FOR 15 MINUTES

TILL YOU GET THE HABIT.

DO WHAT? DO WHAT?

THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE BOTH ON PROBATION

YOU BETTER SHOW UP.

OH, BUT...

BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T

I'LL COME AND LOCK YOU UP.

DO THIS EVERY MORNIN'?

THAT'S RIGHT.

SHERIFF...

NOW YOU'VE GOT THE WORDS OUT

LET'S WORK ON THE RIGHT EXPRESSION.

NOW, JENNIE, IT'S NOT, IT'S NOT

[ curtly ]: "MORNIN', DEAR."

IT'S... [ softly ]: "MORNIN', DEAR."

FRED, IT'S ... [ softly ]: "MORNIN', HONEY."

NOW, LET'S EVERYBODY TOGETHER.

MORNIN', DEAR.

MORNIN', HONEY.

All: MORNIN', DEAR.

MORNIN', HONEY.

MORNIN', DEAR...

ANDY, THAT WAS BRILLIANT.

JUST PLAIN BRILLIANT.

YEAH, IT IS, AIN'T IT?

WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS.

THAT'S WHAT MOST THINGS ARE-- HABIT.

AND IF YOU CAN GET FOLKS INTO THE HABIT

OF GETTING ALONG INSTEAD OF FIGHTING

THEY WILL.

GET ALONG, I MEAN, THAT IS.

YEAH, THAT'S THE WAY I HAD IT FIGURED.

I SAYS TO MYSELF, I SAYS

I'LL GET 'EM IN THE HABIT

AND THEN...

Opie: NO, WE AIN'T.

Boy: WE ARE, TOO.

IT'S MY HOUSE AND I DON'T WANNA.

I'M THE COMPANY SO YOU GOTTA.

NO, I AIN'T.

YES, YOU DO.

OPIE, YOU AND BILLY STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.

JUST STOP THAT, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.

NOW, OPIE, EVERY TIME BILLY COMES OVER HERE

YOU ALL WIND UP ROLLIN' AROUND ON THE FLOOR

AND REARRANGIN' THE FURNITURE.

HOW COME YOU CAN'T PLAY NICE?

'CAUSE HE'S AS STUBBORN AS A MULE.

I AM NOT, YOU ARE!

I AM NOT, YOU ARE.

YOU BOTH ARE.

I'M TIRED OF THIS HOWLIN' AND YOWLIN'

EVERY TIME YOU GET TOGETHER.

IF YOU CAN'T PLAY NICE

MAYBE I BETTER TELL BILLY

NOT TO COME HERE.

ANDY?

MA'AM?

YOU'RE NOT BEING BRILLIANT.

HUH?

HABIT, REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

UH...

YOUNG 'UNS?

I TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH YOU.

NOW, EVERY TIME YOU ALL PLAY NICE TOGETHER,

NO HOWLIN' AND NO YOWLIN'

AND NO MOVIN' THE FURNITURE AROUND,

I'M GONNA GIVE EACH ONE OF YOU A SHINY NEW NICKEL.

HOW DOES THAT SET WITH YOU?

A NICKEL, PAW?

A WHOLE NICKEL?

JUST FOR PLAYIN' NICE?

BOY, FOR THAT MUCH MONEY I'D PLAY NICE WITH A POLECAT.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT A TRY, THEN.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO PLAY, OPIE?

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO PLAY, BILLY.

WELL, YOU DID IT AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, NOW, AUNT BEE.

WELL, YOU DID.

WELL, THE WAY I FIGURE IT

IS THEY'LL DO IT FOR THE NICKEL, SEE

AND THEN THEY'LL GET USED TO IT

AND, UH...

NOW, WHAT...

WHAT WAS THAT WORD YOU CALLED IT A WHILE AGO?

"HABIT"?

NO.

"GETTING ALONG."

UH, NO, IT STARTED WITH A "B."

A "B"?

"BRILLIANT"?

OH, NOW, AUNT BEE.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE COFFEE, DEAR?

NO, THANK YOU... HONEY.

THE EGGS ARE DELICIOUS.

THANK YOU, DEAR.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM.

YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.

OH, THAT WAS FINE, FINE!

AIN'T NO USE OVERDOIN' IT, THOUGH.

ANYWAY, YOUR TIME'S UP, YOU CAN GO NOW.

[ CHUCKLES ]

AND WE'LL DO HANDSHAKIN' TOMORROW.

HANDSHAKIN'?

NO USE TO GO INTO A PANIC, FRED.

IT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF IN A WEEK'S TIME

IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU AT ALL.

LET'S HEAR IT ONE MORE TIME.

MORNIN', DEAR.

MORNIN', HONEY.

[ testily ]: MORNIN', DEAR.

[ strained ]: MORNIN', HONEY.

MORNIN', DEAR.

MORNIN'--

UH, FRED, FRED!

THE DOOR, REMEMBER?

OH.

AFTER YOU, HONEY.

THANK YOU, DEAR.

GOOD FELLA.

WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE A...

WELL, YOU STILL THINK THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK, BARNEY?

I GOT TO ADMIT YOU GOT THINGS

COMIN' OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS

I NEVER WOULD'VE THOUGHT POSSIBLE.

BUT WHAT'S TO STOP THEM FROM GOIN' HOME NOW

AND HAVIN' A DINGBUSTER OF A BATTLE?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, BARNEY.

IN THE FIRST PLACE, THEM TWO'S IN TOO GREAT A STATE OF SHOCK

TO THINK OF FIGHTIN'.

AND IN THE SECOND PLACE

BY THE TIME THE SHOCK WEARS OFF

WHY, THE HABIT WILL HAVE TAKEN OVER.

NO, I THINK THE BOONES' FIGHTIN' DAYS IS FINISHED.

WELL, GOOD.

GOOD? IT'S BRILLIANT.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, ANGEL.

YES, DEAR.

BYE, DEAR. BYE, DEAR.

OH, THAT WAS FINE.

I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT! LET'S GO, DEAR.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

WE KNOW IT, BARNEY!

WE'LL BE HERE.

MORNING, HONEY. MORNING, DEAR.

MORNING, HONEY. MORNING, DEAR.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, THEY'RE KINDA SHORT WITH US,

BUT THEY'RE DOING JUST FINE WITH EACH OTHER.

YEAH, AIN'T THEY?

I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, ANDY --

I NEVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED IT COULD HAVE BEEN DONE.

WELL, IT JUST SHOWS YOU

WHAT A LITTLE PATIENCE AND PRACTICE WILL DO.

SURE ARE CHANGED.

YEAH, JUST TWO NICE, KIND, GENTLE FOLKS.

DEAL THE CARDS, WILL YOU, CLIFF?

YOU GONNA SHUFFLE ALL NIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE WE PLAYING HERE -- HEARTS OR TIDDLYWINKS?

THE MAN'S DEALING THE CARDS LIKE YOU ASKED HIM TO.

PIPE DOWN, WILL YOU, GIL?

I AIN'T TALKING TO YOU. I KNOW YOU'RE NOT.

WELL, THEN, BUTT OUT.

WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU LATELY, FRED? WHAT?

WELL, YOU WAS ALWAYS SO FRIENDY-LIKE WHEN WE PLAYED HEARTS,

BUT LATELY YOU BEEN KINDA MEAN-LIKE.

YOU TRYING TO START SOMETHING, GIL?

NO, NO, NO.

YEAH, FRED, I'VE NOTICED LATELY THAT YOU --

DEAL!

WHAT -- WHAT IS IT, DEAR?

I WAS JUST WONDERING

IF YOU AND THE BOYS WOULD LIKE SOME COFFEE, DEAR?

WELL, THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU, DARLING.

YOU FELLAS WANT SOME COFFEE?!

ALL RIGHT, SPEAK UP!

S-S-SURE. THANKS. Y-YEAH, I'LL HAVE SOME.

YES, DARLING, THEY'LL HAVE SOME.

THANK YOU, DEAR. YOU'RE WELCOME, DEAR.

WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE CARDS? DEAL, WILL YOU?!

HI, AUNT BEE.

EVENING, ANDY.

HOW'S THE EXPERIMENT WITH THE BOONES COMIN' ALONG?

OH, FINE, FINE.

THAT'S GOOD.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE THE WAY THEY TALK TO ONE ANOTHER--

JUST AS FRIENDLY AND POLITE.

I'M GLAD THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER THAT WAY.

JENNIE HASN'T BEEN TALKING LIKE THAT LATELY.

HUH?

WELL, I MET HER ON THE STREET YESTERDAY

AND I SAID SOMETHING TO HER

AND SHE PRACTICALLY TOOK MY HEAD OFF.

WELL, WHAT IN THE WORLD DID YOU SAY?

A PERFECTLY INNOCENT THING.

I THINK I REMARKED THAT SHE WAS WEARING HER HAIR DIFFERENTLY.

AND SHE TURNED ON ME LIKE A CAT.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'S FEELIN' POORLY.

NO, NO. I NEVER REMEMBER SEEING HER THIS WAY.

SHE WAS ALWAYS A FRIENDLY SORT OF EASYGOING WOMAN.

HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE CHANGE IN HER, ANDY?

WELL, NOW... NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT

THEY, THEY BOTH BEEN A LITTLE BIT SNAPPISH.

WELL, GOLLY, THEY GET ALONG FINE WITH ONE ANOTHER.

WHY, I AIN'T HAD A SINGLE COMPLAINT

ABOUT THEM DISTURBIN' THE PEACE LATELY.

WELL, NOW, I WONDER IF THEY REALLY PREFER IT THAT WAY.

HMM?

MAYBE THEY'RE MORE CONTENT WHEN THEY'RE BICKERING.

YOU MEAN, MAYBE THEY CAN ONLY BE HAPPY

WHEN THEY'RE PICKIN' AT EACH OTHER?

AND, UH, MAYBE THAT'S THE WAY

THAT THEY SHOW THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER?

SOUNDS PECULIAR BUT IT'S NOT UNUSUAL.

HUH.

OH, HI, OPE.

HI, PAW.

WELL, BOY, YOU SURE ARE THE QUIET ONE.

UH-HUH.

WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AIN'T YOU BEEN PLAYIN' WITH YOUR FRIEND BILLY LATELY?

NO.

WELL, HOW COME?

HE DON'T LIKE COMIN' HERE ANYMORE.

WELL, WHY NOT?

SAYS YOU CAN'T PLAY COPS AND ROBBERS

OR COWBOYS HERE.

YOU GOT TO PLAY NICE.

WELL, I GAVE YOU ALL A NICKEL

EVERY TIME YOU DID PLAY NICE.

I KNOW, PAW.

BUT BILLY WOULD RATHER PLAY GOOD GAMES FOR NOTHIN'

THAN GET A NICKEL FOR PLAYIN' NICE.

SURE IS BORIN', PAW.

WELL, WELL, NOW, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

LET ME, LET ME JUST UNDERSTAND SOMETHIN' HERE.

UH, YOU MEAN, YOU MEAN ALL THOSE NICKELS

THAT I GAVE YOU AND BILLY

KINDA TOOK THE FUN OUT OF PLAYIN'

AND YOU'D LIKE TO GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS?

PLAYIN' KIND OF WILD AND MESSIN' AROUND

BECAUSE IT COMES MORE NATURAL TO YOU?

YEAH, PAW.

[ KNOCKING AT DOOR ]

WELL, CLIFF, WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO YOU?

ARE YOU HURT?

OH, IT'S THAT FRED BOONE, SHERIFF.

YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHIN' ABOUT HIM.

WELL, WHAT DID HE DO?

HE'S BEEN ACTIN' MEANER THAN A BEAR LATELY

AND TONIGHT WHILST WE WAS PLAYIN' CARDS

HE BEGIN TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW I WAS DEALIN' TOO SLOW.

HE DID?

AND NEXT THING I KNOW, HE PUNCHED ME IN THE NOSE.

FOR NOTHIN'!

THERE WAS A PITCHER OF WATER ON THE TABLE

AND I JUST GOT OUT BEFORE HE COULD THROW IT.

[ KNOCKING AT DOOR ]

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

I GOT THE PITCHER OF WATER.

WELL, YOU ALL GO ON HOME

AND I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR NOSE, CLIFF.

UH...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OPIE, YOU KNOW, UH, WHAT WE WAS TALKIN' ABOUT?

NOW, I'M NOT GOIN' TO GIVE YOU AND BILLY ANY MORE NICKELS

FOR PLAYIN' NICE, YOU HEAR?

REALLY, PAW?

WE'LL GIVE BACK THE NICKELS

YOU ALREADY GAVE US.

NO, NO.

YOU JUST KEEP THEM.

THAT'S A CHEAP PRICE

FOR LEARNIN' THAT WHAT LOOKS LIKE RASSLIN' TO ONE

IS DANCIN' TO ANOTHER.

YOU WANT BILLY AND ME TO DANCE, PAW?

NO, I WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN ANY WAY IT'S FUN TO YOU.

AND THE BOONES, TOO.

[ WHISTLING ]

HOWDY, JENNIE.

NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT, SHERIFF?

UH...MIND IF I COME IN?

COME ON IN. I CAN'T STOP YOU.

SHERIFF JUST DROPPED IN

FOR A LITTLE VISIT, DEAR.

THAT'S NICE, DEAR.

WELL, NOW, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY THE WAY IT IS.

ACTUALLY I HAD A PURPOSE IN COMIN' OVER.

I BEEN STUDYIN' ABOUT HOW GOOD Y'ALL HAVE BEEN GETTIN' ALONG

FOR THE LAST TEN DAYS

AND I JUST DON'T SEE ANY POINT IN CONTINUIN'

OUR MORNIN' TRAININ' SESSIONS.

IN FACT, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FITTIN' AND PROPER

IF WE HAD A LITTLE GRADUATION CEREMONY.

I BROUGHT A LITTLE SWEET CIDER

FOR US TO CELEBRATE WITH.

I'LL GET US SOME GLASSES.

SUIT YOURSELF, SHERIFF.

SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, SHERIFF

AND GET ON WITH IT.

ALL RIGHT.

MY FRIENDS, WE ARE GATHERED HERE THIS EVENIN'

TO MARK THE BEGINNIN' OF A NEW LIFE.

A LIFE OF PEACE AND QUIET AND GETTIN' ALONG.

THE BEAUTY AND JOY OF WHICH YOU NOW KNOW

AND I'M SURE AIN'T NEVER GOIN' TO FORGET.

IT AIN'T NO MORE THAN FITTIN', THEN

THAT WE EXPRESS OUR APPRECIATION.

TO YOU, JENNIE, WHO MADE ALL THIS POSSIBLE

WHEN YOU STOPPED NEEDLIN'

AND RIDIN' AND RAILIN'

AND HARASSIN' AND NAGGIN' POOR OLD FRED HERE.

NOW, HOLD ON A MINUTE, SHERIFF.

I NEVER DID

ALL THAT MUCH NAGGIN'.

WELL, I'M SORRY, JENNIE.

UH, TO YOU THEN, FRED

WHO MADE ALL THIS HAPPY LIFE POSSIBLE

WHEN YOU STOPPED COMIN' HOME

ALL MEAN AND NASTY AND AWFUL.

NOW HOLD ON, SHERIFF.

I MAY HAVE COME HOME OUT OF SORTS FROM TIME TO TIME

BUT YOU GOT NO CALL TO SAY THAT I WAS MEAN AND ORNERY.

UH, TO, UH, TO WHOEVER WAS THE WORST.

NOW, LOOK HERE, JENNIE, I MAY HAVE BEEN BAD

BUT I WASN'T THE WORST.

MEANIN' I WAS, I SUPPOSE, DEAR.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T HELP MATTERS MUCH, DEAR.

AND I SUPPOSE YOU DID, DEAR,

WITH YOUR MEANNESS AND NASTINESS AND...

ORNERINESS?

...ORNERINESS.

IF I WAS, IT WAS YOUR NAGGIN'

AND, AND YOUR...

SNIVELLIN'?

....SNIVELLIN' THAT DID IT.

SNIVELLIN'? WHY, YOU, YOU...

BLACKHEARTED BUZZARD?

...BLACKHEARTED BUZZARD!

WHY, I'D RATHER BE A BUZZARD

THAN A NAGGIN', SNIVELLIN' OLD...

FISHWIFE?

FISHWIFE!

FISHWIFE? YOU HEARD ME!

OH, YOU MEAN OL' COOT--

YOU OLD BATTLE-AX, DON'T YOU CALL ME--

I'LL CALL YOU ANYTHING I WANT...!

HEY, FRED AND JENNIE!

I'M LEAVIN' NOW. BYE.

NICE TO SEE YOU, SHERIFF.

COME BACK AGAIN SOON.

BYE.

IF YOU AS MUCH AS OPEN YOUR BIG MOUTH TO ME...!

[ ARGUMENT CONTINUING ]

[ POTTERY BREAKING ]

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, GOLLY, YOU LOOK PRETTY AS A PICTURE IN THEM PAJAMAS.

THEY'RE NOT PAJAMAS.

THIS IS A JUDOGI OUTFIT.

JUDOGI? YEAH.

THAT'S JUDO TRAINING CLOTHES.

OH. HUH. YEAH.

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT -- IN A JAPANESE WAR-SURPLUS STORE?

I SENT AWAY TO PROFESSOR MATSUMATO FOR IT.

MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD --

YOU KNOW, RIGHT IN HERE.

[ GRUNTING ] HYAH! HYAH!

WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU START...

WHAT'S THAT?

I'LL SHOW YOU.

NOW, STAB ME AGAIN.

THIS TIME, COME IN LIKE THAT.

I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO. THIS IS NEW.

NOW, DO IT IN SLOW-MOTION.

THIS IS NEW? YEAH. SLOW-MOTION.

READY? HYAH!

HYAH? YEAH.

OKAY, GO AHEAD.

HYAH!

READY? UH-HUH.

KNOCKED HER OUT OF THERE.

RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD TRICK.

YEAH, OKAY. I THINK I GOT THE KNACK OF IT.

LET'S GIVE HER A REAL TRY.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO PRACTICE MAYBE ONE MORE TIME?

WHAT FOR? I GOT IT DOWN PAT.

COME ON. WELL, WHAT IF I CUT YOU?

YOU WON'T CUT ME. READY?

ZZZAH!

HUP! HAR!

AAH!

DARN YOU, ANDY!

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]