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Isn't it marvellous?

I'm terribly sorry, I didn't see you. Is it bad?

You see, I'm horribly late. I was trying to get my harp out of--

Carry on driving on like that, you'll need that instrument sooner than you think!

Look, I said I was sorry. Please, I'm so late!

- Could you give me a hand? - What about my bumper?

Look out.

Are you the cab driver I sent for?

- Mr. Chesney, sir? - Yes, that's me.

- I'm sorry, sir, there's been an accident. - An accident?

I shouldn't risk damaging my hands with a driver who's accident-prone.

It wasn't my fault!

It's these women drivers, they're all the same.

You ought to see my cab. Backed right into me, she did!

If you ask me, these people ought to be kept off the road.

- No doubt. - Only took delivery last Saturday--

I can't help your troubles, my good man.

As a senior third-year student here, I have certain responsibilities.

It's important I attend a rehearsal at the Wigmore Hall right away.

- I shall pick up a cab in the street. - There's no need for that, sir.

All I've got to get is this young lady's name and address, then--

Oi! Where are you going?

- You need a spanner! - Yeah, and you need...

Lord, they've started!

Don't just sit there!

Look, whatever it is you're late for,

do you really have to lose your head? Does it matter all that much?

I'm late for a rehearsal of the student orchestra.

Well?

- Sir Benjamin's taking it this morning. - Well?

You must be new here.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. This is my first day.

Well, if you want to know whether being late matters or not,

just you wait 'til you hear what Sir Benjamin has to say.

How kind.

How extraordinarily kind of you

to devote the latter part of your morning to helping us out.

Let us resume, gentlemen.

We need not, I think,

wait until our mountain goat has achieved the sanctuary of the summit.

For the benefit of those who, even at this late hour,

have so graciously consented to crown

our humble efforts with their presence,

let me reiterate that we have a concert tomorrow evening.

It would be a kindness to such members of the public as are rash enough

to put in an appearance,

if we try to get some of the right notes

in the right places.

From bar 58, gentlemen, if you please.

Madam, must you make that noise?

Yes, Sir Benjamin.

Is there some defect in your instrument?

Oh no, Sir Benjamin!

It would appear to sound like

two skeletons making love upon a tin roof.

I'm sorry, Sir Benjamin. I had an accident on the way here.

I'll say she had an accident! Lost me a fare, that has!

And what I say is, what about my flipping bumper?

And who the devil may you be, sir?

I just want to exchange addresses with the young lady.

Although you might find it hard to believe,

this is a concert hall and not a marriage bureau!

I'm sorry, Sir Benjamin. It's my fault. I backed into him.

Madam. Tacit, if you please.

And you, sir. Shut your cake hole!

If you wish to interview the young lady, wait outside.

And I may add

that if her driving is on a par with her musicianship,

you may think yourself extremely fortunate to be alive!

Now, gentlemen, we will take the final section.

From bar 224, if you please.

I can't afford to stay here!

I say I can't afford to stay here!

Grab a table, will you?

- Who's the boyfriend, Jill? - Oh, hello, Alex.

Do you know, I don't even know his name.

He's rather nice, actually.

Smashed up my harp this morning. And the Academy bass drum.

Oh, and a taxi driver as well.

Sounds like the sort of new blood we need around here.

- Have lunch with us? - Thanks.

- How are the violin lessons getting on? - Oh, awful!

Why do we have to know two instruments?

- I don't know. Rules, I suppose. - I'll never be any good with the violin.

Apart from anything else, Prof. Abrahams never lets me play to him.

- Why not? - I don't know.

He just says he knows exactly what it'll sound like if I do.

- Hello. - Hi.

This is Alex Spenlove.

- I'm Jill Clements. - How do you do?

How do you do? Malcolm Stewart.

Huh, what a morning!

- Why? What happened? - Well, it all started out because I...

Oh, lord. Look what's coming!

We don't want him! Isn't there anything we can do?

Mervyn!

Well, really!

Here am I, I've been blowing a trumpet all morning!

Your own, I presume!

Charming!

Would you mind?

How's your violin concerto going, Harold?

Wonderfully well!

Unlike most people that have written

for the instrument, I make a point...

never falling back on mere empty!

- Oh, Harold. - Confound it!

- Are you alright? - Yes!

By the way, I'm forgetting my manners.

Mervyn, this is Malcolm Stewart. He's new here.

- Oh, hello. - How do you do?

Oh, um, nice to meet you.

Um, listen, you lot. I think I've got somewhere for us to live.

- Mervyn, have you really? - Mhm.

It's terribly difficult to find anywhere they'll let you practice, you know.

We thought if we could get a whole house just to ourselves.

Well, we've got one now. Or jolly nearly.

The point is, you see, the landlady is absolutely as deaf as a post.

It couldn't be more perfect.

You have to write everything down for her.

It's no use banging on her door or anything like that.

I banged away for hours yesterday.

Nothing happened.

- How did you get in? - I wrote "knock knock" on some paper.

And popped it through the letter box.

The only snag is she's got five rooms. There are only three of us.

Couldn't we ask Malcolm? Have you got anywhere to stay?

No, I haven't yet. You see, my main instrument's the trumpet.

If you think I would fit in, I'd be very grateful.

Fine, that's settled.

Yes, I think I ought to warn you. It's four pounds a week.

- Each? - That's sheer profiteering!

What about it?

I promised I'd let the old girl know sometime this afternoon.

I can just about manage it, I think.

Well, that's two.

Malcolm?

It's more than I wanted to pay. As long as I can earn some money sometime, alright.

- Jill? - No one's gonna give me any musical jobs.

Still, I suppose I could work in vacation as a waitress or something.

Alright, I'll risk it!

- Wait a minute. We need a fifth, don't we? - Hm...

Actually, I had got somebody in mind already.

Oh, I say, um...

Miranda?

You're looking for some new digs, aren't you?

- Why, yes, I am! - Why don't you muck in with us?

Hm? I mean, you know everyone here. Except Malcolm, of course.

How do you do?

Hello.

Miranda might find us a noisy lot. I mean she doesn't know us very well.

Oh, nonsense, nonsense!

We're all bosom friends here.

Well, that is, I...

I, I, I've had her in mind for a very long time.

Uh, I...

Is it all agreed?

Yes, do come.

I don't like the idea of being the only female in the group.

Thanks, I'd like to.

- Good When can we move in? - Any time!

The sooner, the better, as far as I'm concerned.

Uh, how about this afternoon?

Anyone stuck with anything?

Yes, I am, as a matter of fact. My first composition lesson.

Dear boy, shall you be going in for the Strauss Scholarship, by any chance?

No, never heard of it.

He's never... He's never even heard of it!

Dear boy, it's the big plum for composition students!

Fifteen hundred pounds to travel around for two years.

No, I'm afraid that's out of my class.

Nonsense. Who are you working with for composition?

Morgan Rutherford, which is wonderful luck.

But why the greatest living English composer

should bother about teaching, I don't know.

If you ask me, he goes on with it

because he can't face the horrible job of cleaning out his room here.

When you're through with him, Malcolm,

get your stuff and pop along to this address.

Oh, by the way, dear boy. When you go for your lesson with Rutherford,

just don't walk in too confidently, that's all.

What do you mean?

You'll see, dear boy. You'll see.

Are you alright?

They're swindlers, some of these people. Robbers, you know.

I paid 15 guineas for this contraption, and what happens?

The first time I do a good shot down the fairway, the thing falls to pieces!

Still you have to practice.

Do you play golf?

Well, well, come in anyway.

Shut the door, my good chap. There's a terrible draught, you know?

The draught gives me rheumatism in my arms. It affects my...

grip on the club, you know?

Actually, sir, I think the draught is caused by the hole in the glass.

We'd better paste something over it, then.

Here you are. Use that.

Isn't this something you're writing?

Hm? Oh, is it? Use something else, then, anything.

I'll get the beer.

Well, here's to you.

Cheers.

Ah, that's better! Hm...

Well, I don't know about you but I've got work to do.

That is what I've come about, sir.

You have, have you? What do you mean, "you've come about it"?

I want to learn to compose.

Oh! Well, you can't at the moment. I'm expecting a pupil, you see.

What I need is a woman!

I beg your pardon?

To tidy this place up a bit.

I've got a list here of pupils I'm expecting, somewhere.

Well, sir...

I, I... do think that I'm the pupil you're expecting.

Yes, hmm...

Why didn't you say so in the first place, my dear fellow? How do you do?

How do you do?

You want to be a composer, do you? What makes you think I can help you?

You're a very experienced composer, sir.

Well, agreed, but

it's at my own music that I'm experienced at composing. Not yours!

You know what'll happen if I try to teach you to compose.

- Don't you? - No, sir.

Well, you'll bring me a lot of stuff you've written,

and I shall say, well, I don't care a lot for some of this.

You'll go rewrite it, won't you? Then, you'll bring it back again.

I'll say, "this is much better." But you won't like so well.

Where's that gonna get us?

- What sort of things have you written? - Not very much, actually.

Well, you must have, uh... You know... Well.

Play something. Sit down.

Sit down, play something on the...

the... the piano!

But keep it short. Very, very short.

Uh, this piece is called, uh...

Doesn't matter what it's called. It's what it sounds like that's important!

Yes, sir.

Oh, stop, stop.

That's enough.

Yes, well... I think that's rather good.

I don't want to hear any more of it.

No, sir. Of course not.

Now, you'll have to go away and write other things, won't you?

- Lots of other things. - What sort of things, sir?

I don't know... I mean, I don't know. What do you like to write?

Actually, I had thought about a symphony.

You had, had you?

You don't think perhaps you might

like to work up to a symphony gradually?

Perhaps have a shot at something a bit less ambitious to start with?

Sir, you'd written three symphonies by the time you were my age.

Yes, but I didn't have to take them to someone to teach me how to do it!

They were terrible music!

They really were. They were shocking.

No, you write what you like. And there's another thing.

- Take up golf. - Golf?

Yes, that'll give us something to talk about. During the lessons.

Three shillings.

Thank you, sir.

Please, miss, may I make a suggestion?

- Wait a minute, you backed into me! - Yeah, yeah.

I know. Please, let's make an arrangement.

You take your car out on the road on even dates.

I'll take my cab on odd ones.

I don't think there's much damage.

It's not the damage that bothers me.

It's this feeling of being followed all the time!

- I'll just back up and-- - No, no!

Don't do anything! Just stay as you are.

Can I help you?

Good afternoon, Mrs. Deevens.

I was here earlier.

You're the young lady who was here earlier.

That's right.

This is Mr. Stewart. The other tenant.

Good afternoon, Mr. Tenant.

No, Stewart, Mrs. Deevens... Stewart!

Yes, it is!

Still, it isn't raining. That's the main thing.

Well, you'd like a cup of tea, I dare say!

Yes, we would like that.

Oh, well, I shan't bother, then! It's no trouble, though.

I was just going to make a cup for myself, anyway.

Certainly not, Mr. Dearlove!

You'll get no strong drink in this house! Don't you think you will!

Come on, give us a hand with the moving. We're almost through anyway.

- Hello, Mervyn. - Hello.

I would have thought you'd be a little more settled in by now.

Yes. We would have been, only it's the tea break.

You see? Union rules.

- Is Miranda here yet? - She's upstairs having a bath.

Having a bath? I do think she might...

Miranda's contribution at the moment is what you might call...

moral support.

Support? Uplift, more like it!

Thank you.

Oh!

Not another one!

Is this yours?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

That's alright. We've put you on the ground floor so they can put it in.

They can't, can they? It's all blocked up.

- Hi. - Hello.

Traps!

Well, whose are they?

They're mine. But don't worry about those for the moment.

- The important thing is to, um... - Mervyn, you never told me!

Jill, don't tell me you can play those things!

Well, of course! If I can find something to play them with.

Tea up, mates!

- Here you are, Charlie. - Ta.

Quiet!

Look, we really must get on with clearing up some of this ghastly mess.

Gentlemen, please.

Only another six and a half minutes, guv. We'll fix you up as quick as lightning.

Here!

All you ladies and gents is musicians. How about you giving us a tune, like?

Cor! Stone the perishing crows!

He wants us to give him a tune!

Yes! That's not such a bad idea after all.

Excuse me.

In view of the fact that we have no, um...

no printed music available

for our particular combination of instruments,

there's only one thing for it.

Group extemporisation, gentlemen.

Group extemporisation upon a figured bass.

Here, you asking for a punch up the bracket?

Employing the North American folk idiom and harmonic sequence.

Now, let me see now. Yes, I've got it. Um...

The harmonic sequence is four bars tonic.

Two bars subdominant seventh.

Two bars tonic. Two bars dominant seventh.

- And finally, two bars tonic again. - Dirty...

In short, a little something that goes rather like this!

Well! You're all very quiet out here!

The expressiveness we feel in "Tristan"

is very largely a product of this device.

Oh, what a pity ♪

Good morning, gentlemen.

You'll doubtless be sorry to learn Dr. Medley, who usually takes this class

has contracted influenza.

For the time being, therefore, I shall replace him.

I shall assume even students as retarded and moronic as yourselves

will by this time have mastered the elements of stick technique.

Today, we shall occupy ourselves with the subject of rehearsals.

Now, if there's anyone here who imagines a half-wit like himself

will ever in any circumstances be allowed to bedevil the lives

of decent professional orchestral musicians, he'd better think again.

On the other hand, no doubt

large numbers of you will in due course be using

your mis-spent and ill-advised careers

at this Academy as an excuse

for foisting yourselves on to some unfortunate

provincial orchestral society.

We must therefore do what we can in advance

to try and mitigate some of the grosser indignities

to which your incompetence will subject them.

You there! Skulking at the back.

Stand up!

Wait... Aren't you the young man...

who kicks bass drums about the building

like footballs?

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, it was an accident.

Don't stand there muttering, man. Come up here and rehearse us.

That is, if you think you can so do,

without weakening the foundations

and fatally injuring three-quarters of the class.

And where, may I ask, is the first bassoon?

He didn't feel very well, Sir Benjamin. He's gone down to first aid.

Ah...

Well, in that case, I shall replace him.

Uh... Shall we try the slow movement of the Mozart, then?

Damn it, man! If you don't know what needs rehearsing, who does?

Well, uh... I was trying to wrap it up, sir.

Then, don't. You're not training to be a shop assistant.

More conductors fail

for trying to suck up to the people they're supposed to be conducting

than for any other single reason.

Over-politeness at rehearsal is my great fault as a conductor.

And If I catch

any of you maggoty-headed imbeciles giving way to it,

I'll have you slung out of here on your necks,

faster than you can say, "Flash Harry"!

Slow movement of Mozart, four in a bar,

and I want you right there, on the end of the stick.

We all want you right there on the end of a rope!

But at least we don't spend valuable rehearsal time talking about it!

That's enough chattering, then. Here we go.

Woodwind, we want much less from you.

You're only accompanying.

Let's take it again from the twelfth bar.

Bassoons!

I said much more quietly.

Young man, is it conceivable that you are addressing your remarks to me?

Yes, Sir Benjamin.

Let me get this quite clear.

You are accusing me of playing too loudly?

Yes, Sir Benjamin.

You would prefer perhaps the orchestra should continue without my assistance?

Yes, Sir Benjamin.

Young man...

Just who do you think is running this class?

You are, Sir Benjamin.

But as long as I'm stuck out here, in front,

I'm running this orchestra!

- - Not bad. Not bad, Mr. What's- - Your- - Name.

Not bad at all.

We'll make a conductor of you yet.

That is, we might conceivably so do

if your tempo were anything like correct!

And your gestures not confined to those

of a ninth-rate ballerina mincing her miserable way through "Swan Lake"

in the village hall at "Nether Wallop"!

Now, start again.

From the demi-semi quavers, eight bars from the end.

Bring your wind up, man! Bring your wind up!

Hello, Malcolm. Still hard at it, I see.

Mervyn, did you get that tin of tomatoes I asked you for?

Oh, hell! No, I forgot. Does it matter?

I shouldn't think so.

This stuff's practically passed the point of no return by now.

How I hate girls who can't do anything!

- What is it? I could eat a horse. - It's goulash.

I don't think I'm as hungry as all that.

Hello.

Hello.

I say, I'm terribly sorry.

I really, I really am. I'm frightfully sorry.

Ah, supper! Smells good. What is it?

It's Jill's turn. What do you think?

Time to eat out!

- Never mind, I have some news for you. - What are all these quintet parts for?

That's part of the news.

Dear children, I hate to tell you this, but we are going to work.

We never stop working, damn it.

- For money, I mean. - Ah! That's different!

You see, it's like this.

There's this aunt of mine who's president of a musical society

out in the suburbs somewhere near Croydon.

The string quintet that was to play for them

next Wednesday has let them down.

When I hear this...

I say, "Aunt, you just leave it to me!"

I'll fix you up with the greatest little string quintet you've--

Come off it, Alex!

You can't really expect us to replace a professional quintet!

Why not, dear boy? Why not?

As long as we stick to Mozart and Dvorak, we'll be perfectly alright.

I lead. Jill will play second.

Miranda can tackle either first or second viola.

But Alex, I'm a bass player!

Darling, you can play viola! It's your second instrument.

Malcolm can play the other viola.

I'm absolutely hopeless at the viola.

I know, dear boy.

- And Mervyn's hopeless on the cello. - Thank you.

And with all the best will in the world,

you can't describe Jill and I as perfect on the fiddle.

No.

But as long as we don't actually break down, bless their hearts,

they won't know the difference.

Besides, we've got a week to rehearse in.

Also, there's the money.

Ah!

Thirty-eight guineas, we get.

Allowing three for train fares and Dutch courage,

that leaves us seven guineas apiece. I don't know about you,

but as far as I'm concerned, seven guineas is a fortune!

Yes!

Good.

Well, what I suggest is we start to rehearse straight away.

- What about the goulash? - Dear girl!

We can't possibly work if our stomachs are all distended with goulash.

I mean, why don't we save the goulash for another day?

Then, after we've done a little bit of work,

we can go around and have a quick snack at the pub.

- Ah, Alex! - Good evening, Aunt.

- Everything's in order, I trust? - Oh, yes. Perfectly in order.

You and your young friends have been practising, no doubt.

Oh! Yes, practising, yes.

Well, it's getting on.

What time may we expect the celebrity quintet to arrive?

Aunt...

- We are the celebrity quintet. - You?

Uh, yes. Us.

Well, I...

Oh, dear! Well, I suppose we must make the best of it.

- But Alex... - Yes, Aunt?

I shall wish to speak to you after the concert.

Uh, yes, Aunt.

Meanwhile, will you all take your coats off?

In the room, there, with "artistes" written on the door.

Yes, Aunt.

Celebrity quintet!

Thanks, thanks awfully.

Uh... Terribly sorry, the... string's broken.

Spare string in my instrument case.

Instrument case in the artistes room.

Shan't be a tick.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, um...

String... help...

Alex! What are we go--

Can't say that I blame you.

I feel faint.

Ladies and gentlemen...

If you would excuse us for a moment,

I'll just take Miss Kennaway out for a drink of water.

I'm sure you understand.

We thought you were never coming!

Quick, dear boy, quick!

Well, really!

- Oh, Stewart! - Yes?

I hear Rutherford's putting you up for the Strauss Scholarship this year.

- Yes, that's right. - The Scholarship? I'm trying for that.

You? Really?

Well, a girl's reach must always exceed her grasp.

Or what's a heaven for?

As a matter of fact,

people don't usually go in for the--

Strauss Scholarship until they've been here for at least three years.

Yes, I'm aware of that.

Well, you never know your luck, do you?

By the way, do you know they're doing that new piece of mine

at the Proms next season?

No, I didn't, I'm afraid.

Actually, Sargeant wanted me to conduct it myself. And I said no.

He seemed a wee bit disappointed.

I bet he was, after all,

he's got a reputation to keep up, hasn't he?

- I wasn't talking to you! - Good, let's keep it that way, shall we?

Really, Spenlove!

Don't call me Spenlove! Call me Alex.

I'll think of something to call you.

Well done, Alex!

Come on, dear boy. Jill's waiting for us with the car.

- You've had the last class of the term? - Yes, I have.

Good, so have I, so has Jill. Let's go celebrate, shall we?

I'm afraid not, no money.

I know, my dear boy, neither have I.

We'll have to do work during the vacation, that's all.

- Have you got a union card? - Yes, I have.

Good. After a few drinks, we'll pick up Mervyn

and go see this concert agent I know.

Deputising?

There's not likely to be much deputising available in London, I'm afraid!

It's going to be a very bad season. Very bad indeed.

What with the telly, and all that!

Tell you what, though... You could try Yorkshire.

- Yorkshire? - Fiddle, cello, and trumpet, isn't it?

- Mhm. - Exactly.

I'll just give you the address of a colleague of mine in Leeds.

Why Yorkshire, particularly?

Oh, my dear sirs, have you never been up North?

Here we are, almost in advent. And in Yorkshire,

what does "advent" stand for?

- Oh, yes! "Messiah"... - "Messiah"! Exactly!

Hundreds of performances of "Messiah" all over the county.

I tell you that, given the stamina,

you can make a packet out of "Messiah" in Yorkshire at this time of year!

I've had people come back here and tell me,

that when the buses and the trains were running right,

they've been able to fit in as many as three "Messiahs" a day!

When I get home, I'm going to bed for a week.

I've had it, Hallelujah!

Yet, some of these old pros have been at it for 30 or 40 years.

I was talking to one of them during rehearsal this morning.

He said he sometimes dreamt he was playing "Messiah"...

Then, woke up and found he was.

Anyway, it's not "Messiah" this evening.

Say, we're a bit late starting. I wonder where the leader can be.

See you in the interval. Excuse me, please.

Thank you.

Ruddy train, more than half an hour late.

- Didn't think I was going to make it. - Why? Where have you been?

York. Afternoon symphony concert.

- Anything interesting? - No, no, just the usual stuff.

"Hebrides" Overture,

Rachmaninov Second Concerto, Beethoven's Fifth.

Who was conducting?

No idea.

Didn't look.

- Well, back again. - Yes...

- What's all the gloom about? - Nothing, really.

Just haven't done enough of my own work this vacation.

You've got masses of time, you've only just started here.

Unless I'm darned lucky, just starting's all I'm ever going to do.

Nonsense.

No, you see, my parents only agreed to finance me for a year.

After that, I've got to finance myself somehow.

Well, musicians don't starve in garrets nowadays, you know.

Not if they're any good.

Even if they did, I'd still be one.

Yes, I think you would.

By the way, where's Mervyn this morning?

Mervyn?

Oh... I think he's gone to try and find an odd volume at the Haydn Society.

- Uh, six of the usual, please. - Right you are.

- Hands off! Paws off that! - I'll take it for you.

- I'm the treasurer of this outfit. - And the spender!

- And to whose mutual benefit, eh? - Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me for interrupting. I was listening to you play outside just now.

When I hear a tune, I can usually recognise it. But in this--

You didn't recognise it the way we play it, eh?

Oh, no! No, I, I, I...

I don't mean that. I know the tune, of course.

It's just the name that escapes me.

As a matter of fact, I don't recollect you putting anything in our box.

Well, I didn't, actually. I, um...

Uh, perhaps I could...

buy you a drink.

Well, we don't usually drink with strangers. Still...

seeing as how we've never met before,

that'll be seven large brandies.

Seven large...

But there are only six of you.

Oh! So, you don't want to drink with us, is that it?

Oh, no, no! I'd, uh...

I'd, I'd be delighted.

And another, Mike.

Well, cheers.

Now, what was it you were wanting to tell us?

Well, you see, I'm a music student.

Music student? Do you hear that lads?

He's music student! This calls for a celebration.

Uh, same again, Mike, please!

No, really, I don't think I--

What's the matter? Our money not good enough for you?

- Is that it? - Oh, no, no. No, it isn't that.

Oh, alright. If it'll make you feel easier, we'll let him get 'em, lads.

Well, no, I didn't mean that, I... uh...

Uh, seven large brandies, please.

Now, um... Now, what was the name of that tune you were playing?

Well, seeing as how it's you what's asking,

"March Lorraine"!

"March Lorraine"? I was playing "Blaze Away"!

I thought there was something wrong.

We did "Blaze Away" along Oxford Street.

No, no, no. It was neither of those.

As a matter of fact, he's right, you know.

We haven't done "March Lorraine" since Glyndebourne.

That last piece was "Arms and the Girl"...

That's it! Of course, of course, it was "Arms and the Girl"!

Of course, of course it was!

Made a fortune, that tune has.

And why?

Why? Because it's a pop, that's why!

We never did "Blaze Away" along Oxford Street.

Never mind, we'll do it tomorrow. Alright?

It's the easiest thing in the world, to write a tune like that.

- Like what? - Why, like "Arms and the Girl"...

It's a formula, it's easy.

A child could operate it.

Here. Would you like to know what the formula is?

Oh, don't do "Blaze Away" just for me.

Put a sock in it and listen to Barbirolli for a minute!

The first thing you do is, um... You write a catchy little phrase, you see?

Then, you repeat it.

Then, you think up something else, you know, for the middle eight.

What you mustn't do... is to write another catchy little phrase.

To go with the first one. Oh, no.

So, you just, um... paddle around for a bit, you see? That's all you do!

Until it's time to, um...

to play your one and only nice, catchy little phrase

for the third and last time!

It's the way pop tunes get written, you see?

Very simple... Simplest thing in the world.

Punch him on the hooter!

Oh, come on!

Don't, don't go!

Would you like a cellist?

- A drink? - Oh! Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- You're not with that lot, are you? - Not us.

No, we're music publishers. I'm Sid, he's Harry.

Sid and Harry, music publishers. I've never heard of you.

Mike!

You were talking a bit off the elbow just now, about the pops and all that?

"A bit off the elbow"?

My dear sir, whatever I expounded

was without question, unquestionable!

A bit off the elbow. Definitely.

Yes, when you've been at it as long as Harry and me, you realise that

it's not quite as easy as it looks.

Oh, it's perfectly simple!

You see, I'm, I'm a music student at the LAMA.

I'm a Higginbotham.

Oh?

Higginbotham, scholar, that is. Yeah... Very distinguished.

I've studied it all, you know? And all you have to do is this.

You think up a nice, catchy little phrase...

Yes, we've heard about that. But the, uh...

The proof of the pudding is in the eating, isn't it?

Is it?

In the eating. Definitely.

Yes. Now, you were saying it's all a formula, right?

Well, if it's a formula,

I think we ought to have a demonstration. I'll tell you

what I want you to do. You sit down, right there.

Write us a little hit tune, and then we'll believe you. Fair enough, isn't it?

- Fair enough, Harry? - Fair enough, Sid.

Fair enough! You just watch me.

You just watch me! Right now, where are we?

Oh, thanks, that's lovely.

What's he doing?

- He's writing down the dots. - What for?

So that he can play 'em!

Yeah, well, I think he's a bit of crackpot.

- Come on, let's get out of here. - Wait a minute!

Harry, have I ever been wrong?

- Definitely. - Thank you.

Aha! There's my nice, catchy little phrase!

You see, I'll think up something for the middle eight as we go along.

Oh! There's a piano!

Well, that's handy, isn't it?

Did you bring it with you?

No, it just happened to be there!

I'll play it, I'll play it for you.

- Yeah, go on, then. - Yeah. Come on!

- Yeah, alright, we're coming. - Right.

There you are.

It's not bad. It's not bad at all!

- I've heard worse. - This has got a touch of class, mate!

It's catchy and all.

Just imagine that with a proper rhythm backing.

- Could we sell it? - Sell it? Top 20, at least. Top ten, even!

I'm not so sure.

I was never more certain of anything in me life.

Oi! Oi, oi!

- Oi! - What's the matter?

- We'll buy that! - What? Huh?

We'll buy it. Copyright, performing right, mechanical reproduction right,

all over the world, including the USA.

And all for the magnificent, golden sum of 50 boombas!

And that's our last word.

Well, you're trying to tell me you're willing to pay me 50 pounds.

- For all this twaddle? - That's right. Just sign there.

- What, here? - Yeah.

- In cash? - Natch! Harry.

Lovely, thank you.

What kind of scholar did he say he was?

Higginbotham, wasn't it?

Higginbotham? We can use that in the advance publicity, can't we?

- Yeah, gossip column stuff. - Bung the money in his pocket.

We get him outside and put him into a taxi.

Right.

Here he comes.

- What's the matter with you two? - Good morning!

Mervyn been telling you about his tune? Isn't it marvellous?

Depends how you look at it.

I think, dear boy, you better cast on eye over that,

since apparently, you haven't seen it yet.

"Egg-head music student."

"Higginbotham scholar."

- Oh, no... - What's the matter with it?

When Higginbotham sees that, he's going to be absolutely furious!

He'll hit the ceiling!

Oh, no...

I never dreamt that ruddy tune was going to let me in for anything like this!

I still don't see what's wrong.

Angel child, hasn't anyone ever told you

that the main thing that keeps Mervyn here

is the Higginbotham scholarship?

Or that Higginbotham, who endowed the thing,

is a pompous Birmingham big businessman, with a king-sized fad for culture?

So, when he sees that one of his proteges

has been having fun in Tin Pan Alley,

and bringing the sacred name of Higginbotham into the mire as well.

Said protege will be sunk without trace.

They can't take the scholarship away for you. Not once they've awarded it.

Oh, can't they?

I've only broken six of the conditions under which it was awarded, that's all.

How was I to know it was going to get all this blasted publicity?

There you are, Mr. Hughes. I've been looking for you everywhere!

- What do you want? - Message from the principle.

Wants to see you in his office right away.

Well, this is it... Wish me luck.

Cause if ever anyone ever needed it...

It's me!

Alderman Higginbotham was on the telephone to me this morning.

It'll give you an idea of the state of mind he was in

if I tell you that he was on it long-distance.

- For more than half an hour. - Is he going to stop the money, sir?

After all, I've only a couple of terms to go, and...

If I'm not on the books, I won't be able to compete for the Strauss scholarship.

Yes, I know all that and it's all very unfortunate, I quite agree.

However, I did manage to persuade Mr. Higginbotham

that one can't believe everything one reads in the papers.

Not to put too long a story on it, what it boils down to is

so long as there is no further publicity, and as long as the, um...

uh, tune...

is never performed or published, I can almost certainly smooth everything over

with Mr. Higginbotham, so that you can go on

getting the scholarship money for the rest of your time here.

Yes, sir. But I doubt if I can stop it now... The publication, that is.

- You see, the whole point is-- - I'm sorry, Hughes.

I've done the best I can for you. You know the position, now it's up to you.

Yes, sir.

Oh, Popsi Crisps, Popsi Crisps ♪

♪ Everyone loves Popsi Crisps ♪

♪ Popsi Crisps, Popsi Crisps ♪

♪ Yumsy, scrumsy, bumsy... ♪

Bumsy?

- Chumsy! - Oh, my mistake. Clumsy.

There we are.

Would you believe when I came in that door this morning,

I didn't have a single idea in my head?

I suppose it's alright, if you think so.

Listen, mate, this is a little masterpiece and you know it.

All the same, you know, I keep asking myself,

"what's the good of it all?" I mean...

This type of work... where's it getting us?

Harry, this is not the right attitude, boy.

- "Where's it getting us?" - Yeah!

Well, I don't know where it's getting us!

All I know is it's got us these spacious offices, mate!

Blimey! She takes up a lot of room, doesn't she?

Well, what about art?

- Art Goldberg? I haven't seen him-- - No, no, art! Culture!

Honest, Sid, there's times when I really feel

we did ought to be doing more about making a real contribution to art.

But we are contributing, mate!

I mean, take the Popsi Crisps there, with a heavenly vocal behind it,

and a big orchestra backing, what could be more artistic than that?

- Well-- - Mr. Mervyn Hughes to see you.

I keep telling him you're busy, but he won't take no for an answer!

Mervyn Hughes?

- That's the music student. - That's it.

- Alright, luscious, show him in. - Okay.

- Perhaps he's written another pop! - Yeah.

- Good morning. - Morning.

- Morning. - Morning.

What can we do for you this bright, sunny morning?

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm in a spot of trouble.

Oh?

Yes, I'd like to buy my song back.

- He wants to buy his song back. - So I heard!

Why do you wanna do that?

You see, if you publish it, I'll have to leave the Academy.

Oh, what a shame! All that studying, gone for a Burton.

Exactly! I knew you would understand.

- Course we understand. Don't we, Harry? - Course.

We don't want to see you kicked out of the musical academy, do we?

- Course not. - All that culture?

- Exactly. - Yes, very kind of you.

Yes... Fifty quid, we paid for it.

- Didn't we? - Fifty quid.

That's right.

- It'll cost a little more to buy it back. - Eh?

- Won't it, Harry? - Afraid so.

- Why? - There's overheads...

- Incidentals... - Wear and tear.

What do you mean? I mean, how much?

Ooh... Five hundred quid?

Definitely.

F, f, five hundred pounds?

We're only trying to help.

Bending over backwards, I am.

Yes, I can see that but I mean...

Five hundred pounds! I haven't got it!

He hasn't got it!

You go ahead and think about it. And just remember.

- Harry and I are always ready to help. - Always.

It doesn't sound much like help to me. Five hundred pounds!

I tell you what we'll do, we'll even give you time to find it! Fourteen days?

Very generous. You can do a lot in fourteen days.

I couldn't raise that sort of money in 14 years!

- That's the best we can do, mate. - You don't seem to realise.

- Mr. Sid, I-- - Look, please.

We're in a terrible hurry. We've got to knock off a sonata for Art Goldberg.

- We haven't got much time. Do you mind? - Yes, but--

Tell you what, come back when you have the money, alright? Ta-ta.

There's one thing I have to tell you--

How's that for a contribution to art?

- Very good. Very good, indeed. - We didn't want to be hard on the boy.

Course not.

Well, to do the old crook justice, I think he genuinely was upset

when I told him about the hole he'd landed me in.

- But 500 pounds! - What did you tell him?

What could I tell him?

I've got no means of raising that much money.

If you had 500 pounds, you wouldn't need the scholarship anyway.

Wait a minute, we're just not thinking! There's an obvious way out.

There are three obvious ways, actually.

I could hang myself, shoot myself, or throw myself in the river.

Look... If Mervyn can write one successful pop tune,

why can't he write some more?

And sell them to another publisher under a pseudonym,

with a clause in the contract saying there's to be no personal publicity.

Then, with the money he gets for those, he can

either pay his own way here for another year,

or buy the original number back. Whichever he likes!

I always knew she wasn't just a pretty face!

Come on, what are we waiting for? Let's grab one of the practice rooms!

♪ I met her in the meadow by the stream ♪

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Over an hour we've been here, all you've done so far

is meet her in the meadow by the stream.

Oh, give him a chance, Alex. It's not a bad start.

Oh, wait a minute!

Wait, I've got it! I've really got it this time.

♪ I met her in the meadow by the stream ♪

- She was waiting ♪ - Yeah?

♪ She was waiting... ♪

Yes?

She was waiting...

She's not the only one!

For Pete's sake, put a bit of... go in it!

Look, what do you expect?

- I've got a hangover the size of-- - Hangover! That's it!

We're idiots! That's the missing factor!

- Brandy! Of course. - No, no!

Mike?

- Another, please. - Double?

No, no, a treble.

I feel terrible.

Hm, I'm not surprised.

The advertisements say drink a pint, not a gallon.

Come on, dear boy, have a sip of this brandy.

- Here, look. - Ugh, no, I really couldn't do that.

No, honestly, I...

He's done it!

- Well done. - Good! Good, good.

It's a bit strong, isn't it?

Mine tasted alright.

Well, come on, come on! Second one now.

- Oh, no! - Knock it back!

No, I, I couldn't--

Mervyn!

- He's done it, dear boy! - Good!

Well done, I knew you wouldn't let us down! Well, cheers!

Cheers...

Yes, it is a little bit strong, isn't it, this stuff?

May I have a triple brandy, please?

Do you think he should?

- I mean-- - It's for me!

Well, dear boy, how are you feeling now?

Inspiration welling up inside of you, is it?

Something's welling up inside of me...

Excuse me.

Oh, well, that's what I always say.

Some of us can take it, and some of us can't. Cheers!

Cheers.

Oh, uh, excuse me...

- Mervyn, dear. - What? Oh!

- Filthy trick. - You deserved it!

Yes, perhaps I did but... Oh!

Hmm...

After the first shock, it's really not so bad, you know?

Hmm, I can feel...

I can feel a little warm patch growing.

Hmm, it's right down here.

Oh, it's growing all the time.

Oh!

You know, I... think perhaps I ought to have another one.

♪ She was waiting! ♪

Shh!

Shh!

Jojo! If they aren't in in 20 minutes,

I'm going to lock the front door!

This is no time of the day to be practising Bach!

Oh, go away. I've got to do some work.

Don't worry, his Bach is worse than his bite!

Oh!

Look, dear chap, I think we'd better have a conference about Mervyn.

Look...

If you've come to me for any useful advice,

you're on the wrong wavelength.

Went through a fortune in drink last night, and all we got out of it was

"I met her in a meadow by the stream"

and a hangover, and I don't know which is worse!

Money!

Money...

Five hundred p--

Wait a minute!

What about Rutherford?

- He probably doesn't know what he's worth! - Mervyn's seeing to that himself.

I just hope last night hasn't slowed down his reactions too much.

Are you looking for this?

Oh, this is most aggravating!

Where is that damn screw?

Oh, thank you, my dear!

Still, not much good without the screw, is it?

Have you seen a small screw lying about anywhere?

Uh, sir, I... was wondering if I could have a word with you.

Oh! Of course, yes. What's it all about, you know?

It's only a small screw.

Doctor Rutherford.

You have a plane to catch, you know? There isn't very much time.

Nonsense, woman! There's plenty of time.

Plane won't fly away, will it?

Besides, I've got to talk to a pupil, that's what they're for!

- I'll go now, sir, shall I? - Where?

Oh, yes, yes. You better, or you'll miss your plane, yes.

You know my new secretary, Mrs. Bostwick, don't you?

Mrs. Bostwick, meet, um...

- Hughes. How do you do? - How do you do?

One of my favourite pupils, you know? He wants to speak to me about something.

Sir, I'm in a mess!

Oh, I wouldn't say that. Little bit of a haircut, possibly.

- But apart from that... - No, sir, not that sort of mess.

The thing is, you see... I've written a dance tune.

- Have you? - Yes, sir.

I wrote a Charleston when I was your age. Never got published, though.

Well, trouble is somebody is going to publish my tune.

Well, splendid! All your worries are over, then!

Is that all you wish to know?

Come on now, there's a good fellow, help me to find this screw.

Sir, I need five hundred pounds!

- Five hundred pounds? - Yes, sir.

Mrs. Bostwick, have I got five hundred pounds?

Oh, Dr. Rutherford, heaven only knows!

Well, of course I have. Yes! That Koussevitzky Foundation

paid me last week for that weird quintet I wrote for them, you know.

And there was last week's winnings on the pools.

Three and eleven pence.

Um, yes... Three and... Uh...

If you would only give me a chance to explain the situation.

I'm afraid there's no time for that. No. No, no.

You see, I have to go and lecture in America.

Ah, Mrs. Bostwick, my cheque book, please.

It's in your briefcase, in the hall downstairs.

- With the rest of your luggage. - Fetch it up, please!

- Fetch it up! - Hall porter, please.

- You'll be alright, she'll fix it up now. - Thanks awfully, sir.

Would you mind bringing Dr. Rutherford's briefcase up to his room straight away?

Very efficient woman, Mrs. Bostwick. She'll get me to this place if anyone can.

I really am most terribly grateful, sir.

- Naturally, I'll pay you back the money. - Of course, you will!

You'll be clapped in jail if you don't, my boy!

Hello, who are you?

Uh, excuse me, sir... Am I too early?

Um, not at all, no. You're, um... too late.

No, sir, I'm due for a lesson with you.

I was going to play you my piano sonata.

- You're much too late! - Dr. Rutherford, we have only an hour.

Before your plane takes off, now do try and think.

Have you everything you need for your lectures?

Dr, Rutherford, you gave me no warning of this!

- I really think-- - No, we'll just have a...

Yes, you're quite right. We'll just have a quick look at this together.

You push off now. I'll fix that voucher thing, you know.

Oh, right, sir! And thank you again.

You know Hughes, don't you? He's a clever fellow.

Yes, I know him...

Yes, and you have the Strauss scholarship coming up shortly.

One of you two is bound to win it.

- Thank you, sir. - Provided there are no other candidates.

Thank you.

Come along, Dr. Rutherford.

Don't dilly dally, the car's been waiting for over half an hour.

Mrs. Bostwick, will you kindly not fuss?

Mervyn... Hughes...

Five... Hundred...

- Pounds... - Come along!

Please!

Give that to Hughes, will you, please? Make sure that he gets it, won't you?

Uh, yes, sir...

Uh, what about my piano sonata?

Oh, your sonata? Oh, yes, that's splendid stuff, that!

Yes! You want to go ahead with that and finish it.

But it is finished!

- Dr. Rutherford, you really must come! - Oh, yes.

She's quite right, you know. Time and tide, and all that sort of thing.

While I'm away, you want to play some golf.

You've not been looking too well lately. A bit on the pasty side.

A bit liverish, I should think.

I have a screw loose.

If you find it, you might put it in an envelope

and send it to wherever I'm going, please.

The, the name is, um...

Rutherford. Yeah...

Oh!

He's forgotten to sign it!

I tried everyone I could think of.

Porter's no good. Principal's secretary's no good.

Must have forgotten, that's all.

- Yet, I could have sworn... - What about his secretary, Mrs. Bostwick?

Gone on holiday, the porter says. Somewhere in France.

Couldn't she have posted it before she went?

That's just about my only hope.

- Hughes? - Hm?

Uh, Rutherford asked me to give you this.

Bless the old boy, he didn't forget after all!

- Thanks awfully, Chesney. - Hm, delighted, I'm sure.

Our Harold looks as if he's had a saucer of cream!

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

It's not signed.

Oh, no!

- We have to go to the airport. - It's too late, I'm afraid.

His plane will have taken off by now.

Pity Harold wasn't a bit more prompt with the cheque, isn't it?

- Alex, you don't think he-- - Yes, I do.

Anyway, getting money out of dear old Rutherford

might not have been such a good idea after all.

I'd have paid him back, of course, but...

just wouldn't have felt right, somehow.

When you come to think of it, he is a bit of a sitting duck.

Well... I'll give more thought to my money problems

during psychology class, I suppose.

Well, I'll... see you all there.

Poor Mervyn.

Anyone got any ideas?

Is that Mervyn's tune?

That's it. It's the cause of all the trouble.

Well, where do we go from here?

Nowhere, it looks like.

Way things are at the moment, Mervyn will just have to resign himself

to not getting the rest of the Higginbotham scholarship.

He'll be able to earn his living for the rest of this term.

Maybe something will turn up then.

It's funny, isn't it?

He can't write another tune as good as the first.

- We just can't let his career fade out. - No...

Better talk about it later, though. It's time for psychology.

Psychology of music, my--

- Let's skip it. - I don't think we'd better.

It's Sir Benjamin today, they'll be checking the attendance.

See you at the pub for lunch.

Boyd here. Give me the principal, if you please.

John? Benjamin here.

What's all this I hear about Hughes and the Higginbotham scholarship?

I see, yes...

Yes, of course. No, no, I was just curious, that's all.

Thank you so much. Goodbye.

Dr. Rutherford's away in America, Sir Benjamin.

- Good morning, gentlemen. - Good morning, sir.

Today, we shall concern ourselves

with the processes of creative imagination,

as applied to music.

With your kind permission,

I propose to state an hypothetical case, the significance of which

can scarcely fail to be appreciated

by even the most feather-brained amongst you.

Imagine, if you will, then, a composer of the sort vulgarly denoted

"serious," who more or less by accident,

turns out a highly popular dance melody,

as it might be, this.

But that's my tune!

I beg your pardon?

I'm sorry, sir. I was just thinking.

A strong resemblance to a little number I turned out only the other day.

Young man, if you wish to lay claim to such a string of musical commonplaces,

far be it for me to discourage your puny ambition.

Nonetheless, I feel it my duty to warn you

that a similar melodic sequence is already in print

under the title of "The Alexandra Valse"...

an Edwardian morceau de salon

composed by a lady recently deceased,

- named Grace Darnley- - Whittingstall.

That even such a feeble tune as this

may on occasion be transmuted to greatness

by a creative genius in music.

The thing has been done in many works universally acknowledged

as expressing the profoundest aspirations for the human mind.

For example...

♪ Mumsie uses Bubble Flakes ♪

♪ I'm the cleanest girl in the class ♪

Blimey, you're a big help!

- Hello. - Hello!

What's all this, then? You come to write us a new song?

I'm afraid it's turned out that I didn't write the first one.

- Eh? - What? Come again?

I'm sorry, but there it is.

That first tune in its original form is called "The Alexandra Valse"...

It was composed by a dear, sweet, old lady

who's actually passed away.

I must have heard it years ago when I was a kid.

That first 16 bars just happened to stick.

You're joking, aren't you?

No!

Do you realise if we publish, the old bird who originally wrote it will sue us?

Are you deaf? Didn't you hear him say she was dead?

- So are you! - Hm...

But the executors ain't! We can't take the risk on them suing us!

Particularly due to the fact there's treacherous people around

who wouldn't hesitate to let them know what's going on!

You're quite right. It's a shame.

Wait a minute...

In your contract, there's a little clause that states the song written by you

was your original work.

We can sue you, mate!

- How about that? - Definitely.

You can sue 'til you're blue in the face. There isn't a court in England

that could make me pay you any money.

For the simple reason, I haven't got any.

Definitely.

Oh, except this, of course. Your 50 pounds.

In the circumstances,

I don't think I'd be justified in keeping this.

Take him out of here.

Morning, Mr. Sid. Morning, Mr. Harry.

Get out of here!

- That, mate, is culture! - Definitely.

♪ Mumsie uses Bubble Flakes ♪

Well, another five days and we'll be in the thick of it.

Oh, please, please, don't remind me!

I've never known a term go so fast.

Well, the Strauss scholarship is really worth having.

Bohemian music. Bohemian music...

Now, what the hell do I know about Bohemian music?

Damn all. Musical History.

Harmony. Counterpoint. Oral examination. Play an instrument.

Compose a symphonic work lasting not less than 20 minutes. And on top of all this,

we have to rehearse a full-sized professional orchestra!

Mervyn, stop fussing so!

Look at Miranda, she's not worrying.

I know, but after all, nobody expects Miranda--

But after all, Miranda had the good sense to get her symphony finished on time.

In case you didn't know it, I've still got half my finale to finish.

Ooh!

Miranda... Are you alright?

Darlings, it's happened!

What? Wha... What's happened?

You know I did some modelling for advertisements last vacation?

- Yes. - Well, they've finally used one!

Look!

Miranda, darling, are you sure that's you?

Well, yes, of course!

Yes, well, when you come to think of it, it's all you need, isn't it?

- Hm? - I mean, they're her basic ingredients.

Yes, of course it's Miranda.

I'd recognise her anywhere.

Thank you, Mervyn.

Eh?

You may start now.

Young man, not so fast! Haven't you forgotten something?

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you very much... indeed.

I should ruddy well think so.

Well done, dear boy, well done!

- Thank goodness it's over. - I wish I'd done half as well.

Yes, Hughes, competent. Wonderfully competent.

And safe.

But you took that last section rather too fast.

- Didn't you? - Did I?

Haven't you read what Gerald Abrahams has to say about that?

Or Boris Asafyev?

Asafyev? No, I...

Well, never mind. It doesn't do to take these experts too seriously, does it?

Read them and forget them, that's my policy.

After all, it's one's own personal judgement that counts.

That's the trouble with these professional orchestras, of course.

When it comes to the established repertoires,

they need quite a bit of shaking up!

And you propose to shake them up?

Certainly.

Yeah...

An orchestra admires a conductor who knows his own mind

and isn't afraid to speak it.

Uh, seriously, Chesney, I think you'd better take it a little bit easy.

Most of these chaps have been in the game a long time.

Yes. Too long, in many cases. Anyway, what they think doesn't matter.

They are merely the guinea pigs for my interpretation.

It's what the examiners think that matters.

Uh, you're next, Mr. Chesney.

Thank you.

Good luck, dear boy.

I shall be very interested to see how your theory works in practice.

It's a foregone conclusion.

Dull, lacking in rhythm.

And strings.

Your intonation in The Storm music was quite painful.

Quite painful!

Now, then!

We must get the staleness out of the playing!

This attitude of we-know-it-all-beforehand and-couldn't-care-less-anyway.

Frankly, gentlemen, that is not good enough for me!

Hmm...

Up until now in the playing, there's been far too much sloppy technique!

I should decide how this music is to be interpreted.

Your part is to obey!

I make myself clear?

Now, then...

- We shall take it from-- - Excuse me, sir.

What is it?

Bar 201, the thirteenth demi-semi quaver.

Should that be an F sharp or an F natural?

- F sharp, of course F sharp. - Sir?

There's one place where I seem to have five quaver beats

instead of four. It's, uh... It's bar 317.

Ought that second chord we play to be on the third of the bar?

No, no, of course not!

You've got quaver, two quavers, rest, quaver.

Oh, yes, I see.

But it is F natural on the third demi-semi quaver of the bar.

- Isn't it, sir? - Yes, of course!

F sharp on the second,

F natural on the third.

Just wanted to make sure.

Yes...

Right.

- Now, we'll take it from-- - Just one thing, sir.

Yes, what is it?

Bar 116.

Is that last quaver B natural?

No, it's flat, man! Flat!

- Sir, there's one bar-- - Bar 253.

Silence! All of you!

Unless I tell you to the contrary,

you may take it that your parts are correct in every particular.

Consequently, there'll be no more need for any of these silly questions.

Now, then... Again.

From the beginning.

Bass trombone!

Sir?

Tacit, man! Tacit!

Your first entry isn't for a long time yet!

Isn't it, sir?

But what I was playing seemed to work in very well. Besides,

it's definitely down here on the part.

I mean, I wouldn't try to fool...

Oh, my goodness...

Well?

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Librarian seems to have given me the spare cello part.

Wilf?

Yes, Phil?

You haven't got my part on your stand, by any chance?

Oh, I don't seem to have.

Any of you chaps seen Wilf's part anywhere?

Oh, it's alright! I've got it!

I was sitting on it! Sorry, sir!

Yes...

Cellos, I'm still far from satisfied with your playing.

We'll have to leave that section for the moment and go to the "pastorale."

Attention, everybody!

Bar 209.

Cantabile, cor anglais, cantabile!

Let it sing!

Let it sing!

I'm so sorry, sir.

Made a domino there, I'm afraid. I'm terribly sorry.

Disgraceful! Disgraceful incompetence!

Do it again!

Oh!

I'm sorry, sir. Bit of trouble with our lip.

Don't you give me any of your lip!

Now everyone, again. From the allegro vivace!

Don't stop!

Don't stop! Carry on!

Carry on, I say!

You're going too fast!

Slower, I say! Slower!

Too fast! Too fast!

Too fast!

You're going too fast! Too fast!

You're letting me down!

You're letting me down in front of the examiners!

Oh, this is dreadful! You're letting me down!

Oh, stop, I say! Stop!

Oh, stop!

I don't propose to prolong the agony with a lot of talk.

Except perhaps to say this hasn't been at all an easy decision to make.

All of you have made commendable use of your opportunities here.

The examiners agree therefore the losers, though naturally will feel disappointed,

definitely have no need

to distress themselves with the thought they have in any way failed.

As to the winner...

It's our unanimous decision

that the Strauss scholarship be awarded to Miss Kennaway.

Congratulations, young lady. And I'm speaking for all of us when I say

I hope your travels will be a happy time for you as well as a useful one.

Thank you, Sir John.

You can get all the details from the registrar, Miss Kennaway, thank you.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Well, I hope you think you've earned it, my girl.

Personally, I think it's ridiculous.

- I flatter myself I can conduct anything. - Why don't you try lightning?

I beg your pardon?

I said my G string needs tightening.

Oh!

Miranda, don't worry about Harold.

I mean, best man's won, and all that sort of thing.

- I don't want the scholarship. - What?

Don't want the scholarship?

- What do you want? - I want him!

But you didn't say anything!

You didn't say anything!

Neither of them said anything!

You just looked.

That's all men ever do, they just look.

You never realised that I'm just a simple, home-loving girl at heart.

Miranda...

I don't want the beastly scholarship.

I want you!

Well, there's... There's nothing in the regulations that say

that you can't win the Strauss scholarship...

and me as well!

At least, I don't think there is.

Perhaps we should ask the registrar.

Kiss her, you clot!

- Sorry about the scholarship. - It's alright.

Wish she was sorry I didn't get it too. No kisses for me, though.

Blimey! Look at the time!

- I must rush. - Why? What's the hurry?

Interview at the British Council.

Abrahams told me yesterday

that if the scholarship fell through,

he was certain I could get a grant

to study fiddle under Gertler in Amsterdam.

Really, Alex? Well, that's marvellous!

- Do you want a lift? - No, thanks, pet. It's quicker by tube.

Well... Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

- Bye. - Bye.

Bye.

Couldn't you apply for a county grant?

Well, I could for trumpet, but not for composition.

Well, that's alright, you can do composition on the side.

As a matter of fact, I couldn't get a grant for the trumpet either.

Jevons wouldn't recommend me.

- Wouldn't recommend you? - No.

I thought he liked your work so much.

He does. But what he seems to think is that he can't teach me anymore.

So that if I want to progress from this point,

I've got to do actual concert work.

No grant.

What will you do, then?

I don't know, really...

I'm not worrying, though.

Then, you ought to be worrying, young man.

Now that you're leaving this establishment,

you'd better find yourself some work, had you not?

Yes, Sir Benjamin.

9:30, Festival Hall, tomorrow morning

and mind you're not late.

I beg your pardon?

You're going to be second trumpet in my orchestra.

In a position as far removed as physically possible

from the siren lure of the bass drum!

And you ruddy well better play as well as Jevons says you can,

or I shall want to know the reason why!

A very good day to you both.

Well, young woman?

Do you need a harp?

Thank you, not just yet!

Oh, well. I suppose I was being a bit over optimistic.

You coming home now?

Hm.

I think I'm going to miss Mrs. Deevens, you know?

Going to miss her?

Yes, didn't you know? I'm leaving at the end of term.

No more money.

I suppose I'll have to go stay with my parents

while I'm looking for a school teaching job or something like that.

You don't really want to move back to your parents', do you?

Alright, then. Why don't you come share my room.

- At Mrs. Deevens', instead? - What?

All perfectly regular and under licence.

Yes, please!

Making sweet music together?

A duo concertante, I presume. Your ensemble is excellent!

Thank you, sir!

And in a year or so, we hope to make it a trio!

Oh, dear... Oh, dear, dear...