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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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(Vince) Oh, my God.
2
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,200
Oh, my God.
3
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,200
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
4
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,600
l'm rubbish at this. How do l look?
5
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:48,000
You look fine. l don't see why
they couldn't use my place.
6
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:52,200
- His flat's huge.
- But it doesn't mean my house is small.
7
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,200
(Quietly) Oh, my God.
Was that any good?
8
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,600
Oh, my God!
9
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,200
- What do you want?
- We were passing.
10
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:08,000
- Thought we'd pick up those CDs.
- Well, you can't stay long, l'm busy.
11
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,600
(All) Surprise!
12
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,000
Oh, my God!
13
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- (Cheering)
- Ooh, happy birthday.
14
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,000
- Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday, you old git.
15
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,400
- So how long has he known?
- Ages.
16
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,600
- Did you tell him?
- No, he's not stupid.
17
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,600
Hey, Vince.
18
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,600
Ohh!
19
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,200
l'll never live this down.
l told the Christmas club l'm 41 .
20
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l should have drowned you
when you were a kitten.
21
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- Hey.
- Congratulations, love.
22
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,400
They've reached a diagnosis.
lt's migrainous neuralgia.
23
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,600
They want a 24-hour sample
by Monday, so they can test me.
24
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,600
lt's piss. lt's a bucket of his piss.
25
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,800
Bit of hush, you lot.
Bit of hush, thank you.
26
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My name's Christine Cagney
and l'm an alcoholic.
27
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Now, it's disco trash all night,
so here's a rave from the grave,
28
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,400
a revive 45, but that's enough of Hazel.
29
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- You cheeky sod, l'll have you.
- That'll be a first.
30
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(& KC and The Sunshine Band:
That's The Way)
31
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& A-ha, a-ha, that's the way, a-ha a-ha... &
32
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,200
(Guest) How does it feel to be 30, eh?
(Second guest) Nice one, Vince.
33
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- Thanks.
- 30.
34
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You cunt.
35
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30 years old. How did that happen?
36
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Eh? How did that happen?
37
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& That's the way, a-ha, a-ha,
l like it, a-ha, a-ha
38
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:47,400
& That's the way, a-ha, a-ha,
l like it, a-ha, a-ha... &
39
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Look at this. l know millions of people.
40
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,400
Hiya. l've been to the council
and l'm seeing a woman on Tuesday.
41
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:57,200
- We're getting a flat off the council.
- How come? You tell me nothing.
44
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:08,200
Donna, love, did no one say it was
a party? Shame, you coulda dressed up.
45
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:12,600
Come and see the bar. They've got
whisky and gin and everything.
46
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:18,400
- (& Kool and the Gang: Celebration)
- How's he gonna sleep with this noise?
47
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,200
He's used to it.
Siobhan plays whale songs all night.
48
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,800
- (Alfred gurgles)
- Sh-sh-sh-sh.
49
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,000
- (Alfred sneezes)
- Oh. Look at him.
50
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,600
- No idea.
- (Alfred coos)
51
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,600
Romey, l thought
we could do the photos now.
52
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,800
Er... lf that's all right with Vince.
53
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,800
- lt's his party.
- lt's just for this marriage thing.
54
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,600
We're taking photos wherever we go,
like we've known each other ages.
55
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,600
- You don't mind, do you?
- Course not.
56
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,400
- & Come on, let's celebrate... &
- (Alfred gurgles)
57
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,600
Look at him.
58
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,400
Nought years old.
59
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:02,400
Do you remember in school,
we used to talk about being 20.
60
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,200
The plans we made. We were
going to get a flat and live together.
61
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:11,200
- Yeah.
- Still could. You can move in here.
62
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,600
- We can get a house together. l'll pay.
- Don't know what Cameron would say.
63
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,200
- He's bought you a car.
- He hasn't.
64
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,800
He got me the Trial Of A Time Lord
box set, which l've already got.
65
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:28,000
lt's parked round the corner. He's gonna
bring it round when we do the presents.
66
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:32,200
lt's just a Mini, four hundred quid,
but...it's a car.
67
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,200
That's a bit heavy.
68
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,200
Do you know what l'd do?
69
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,600
Run.
70
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,800
Run like the wind.
71
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,400
Party...they'll be, erm...
72
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& lt's a celebration
73
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& Celebrate good times, come on
74
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,400
& Let's celebrate
75
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,400
& We're gonna have a good time tonight
76
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,800
& Let's celebrate... &
77
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:17,800
Harvey Wallbanger. Best drink on God's
earth. Just a sip, then back on the pop.
78
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,000
- What's he do, that Cameron?
- He's an accountant.
79
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:25,000
l said that the Tylers'd
marry into money, one day.
80
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,400
- What?
- Shagging an accountant.
81
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,600
- Oi, do you mind?
- He's nice.
82
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:33,400
- Nice? lmagine shagging someone nice.
- He's not a real boyfriend.
83
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,000
Vince shuts his eyes
and thinks of Stuart.
84
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,000
- Sad man.
- (& Tonic: SOS)
85
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:42,400
- Ooh, fab. Nathan, we're dancing.
- Hazel, save us a cocktail.
86
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,200
- Sorry about them.
- Pass us that ladle.
87
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,600
lt's him - Dazz.
Nathan thinks he's so impressive.
88
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,800
Drinks coming up.
89
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,000
They're taking the piss?
They can have some of Bernie's.
90
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,800
Smile.
91
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,200
Romey, have you told them?
They've set a wedding date.
92
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,200
- Yeah. 25th.
- Another party. l've never been so busy.
93
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,000
- Thing is, we're keeping it small, private.
- You're not invited.
94
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That's it, thanks. End of film.
95
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l mean, no offence,
but if you lot come to the registry office
96
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,200
and someone from the Home Office
turns up, it's going to look a bit gay.
97
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,200
Last thing we need. Siobhan!
98
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,000
Load another film. We'll go and change.
99
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,600
Lance was looking
at the birth certificate, this morning.
100
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,400
Nice blank space
where the father's name goes.
101
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,600
- Makes adoption easy.
- Didn't you put your name down?
102
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He didn't want to.
Too much responsibility.
103
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,600
Like you said, Stuart,
no harm in keeping it blank.
104
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,600
What could possibly go wrong?
105
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- Fuck you.
- Nice comeback.
106
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,200
Vince, someone for you at the door.
107
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,000
Janice, don't stand there. Come in.
108
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:09,600
No, er... l would have called in the day
but l didn't wanna spoil the surprise.
109
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,000
- Come and have a drink.
- l suppose Nathan's in there.
110
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,600
- He won't mind.
- He wouldn't want me turning up.
111
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,200
That's to say thanks...for looking
after him. Not long till his birthday.
112
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,000
16. He'll be able to live anywhere.
113
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,600
How am l going to find him then?
114
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,800
(& Jimmy Somerville:
Never Can Say Goodbye)
115
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& l never can say goodbye
116
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& Ooh, no, no
117
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& l never can say goodbye
118
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& No, no, no, no, no, no,
119
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,200
& No, no, no, ooh, ooh... &
120
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,400
(Alexander) Shut your noise.
lt's time for presents.
121
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,200
lf anyone's got him
a Jeff Stryker cock and balls,
122
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,200
you're getting booted out,
cos that is so unoriginal.
123
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,800
That's every episode of Saved By
The Bell with Zack taking his shirt off.
124
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,000
- l've been four years taping that.
- What's Saved By The Bell?
125
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:06,600
- Lesbians.
- Get a move on, Vince. l want to dance.
126
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,600
That's from me.
127
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:16,600
- You've given me a present.
- That was to throw you off the scent.
128
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,000
(Muttering)
129
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,000
(Guest) Ohh!
(Second guest) Car keys.
130
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,200
Oh, my God!
131
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,800
Cameron, you bastard,
l have never been so upstaged.
132
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,600
- lt's parked outside.
- Last one down's sleeping with Dane!
133
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,000
Don't all rush.
134
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,200
Wow!
135
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,200
(Hazel) Wahey!
136
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,200
- Da-da!
- You lucky man.
137
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,200
So that's why you haven't been drinking.
138
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,800
lt's only second-hand,
but it'll get you about.
139
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,800
- Come on.
- lt's a Mini. A clapped-out, old Mini.
140
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,800
lt's pathetic.
141
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,200
l'll get you some more of that drink.
142
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,400
Bernie, fetch us your bucket.
143
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,000
Serious present, Vince.
144
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,200
lt's like being married.
145
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,600
Run like the wind.
146
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,400
- (Engine starts, guests cheer)
- Wooh!
147
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,000
(Beeps horn)
148
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,600
(Alfred whines)
149
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:52,600
l love it. l'm just saying that l'm gonna
pay half. You can't spend all that.
150
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,200
Take the keys, cos l'll only get pissed.
151
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,000
- (Gasps)
- (Guest) Wow!
152
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,200
Oh, my God!
153
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,600
Where did you get it?
Did you hire it, or what?
154
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,800
Happy birthday.
155
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,800
- But...you got the party and everything.
- All right, l'll take it back.
156
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:15,600
Watch this.
157
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,200
That is completely, completely fantastic.
158
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,400
- (Woman) l want one!
- God, l'm so sad.
159
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,000
(& Jacksons: Shake Your Body Down)
160
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:56,200
You're never going to fuck him,
so why do you keep him waiting?
161
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,600
He's not 30, he's 12.
162
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,800
You're keeping him at 12.
163
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,400
& Move it up and move it down... &
164
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,600
Come on up and get your cock out.
165
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,600
(Buzzer)
166
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,600
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss...Alexander Savage!
167
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,800
(Cheering, screaming)
168
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,200
(& Spice Girls: The Lady ls A Vamp)
169
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,600
- Looks better on him.
- You're more of a gay man than l am.
170
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,200
(Mouthing words)
& ..a cooler shaker
171
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,400
& Marley, Ziggy
172
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,400
& Melody maker
173
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,600
& She's a Bond babe, kick some ass
174
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,400
& Baby love a so glam queen
175
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,200
& Sing the blues a love supreme...
176
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,400
& ..Grady's, T-birds, to the moon above
177
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,400
& That's all in the past
178
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,200
& Legends built to last
179
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,400
& But she's got...
180
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,200
& ..dude
181
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,600
& Cos the lady is a vamp
She's a vixen not a tramp
182
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,600
& She's a da-da-da-da-da da da
183
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,200
& Scary, Baby, Ginger
184
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,000
& Posh
185
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:51,200
& Sporty, yes, now that's your lot
186
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,200
& We're the Spice Girls
187
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,800
& Ready to go
188
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,800
& Ladies and gents,
can you please take your seats
189
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:05,600
& And we hope that you
enjoyed the show &
190
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,000
(Cheering, whistling)
191
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,600
Hiya. Happy birthday.
192
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,600
Yeah, thanks.
Didn't know you were coming.
193
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,400
Thanks. lt's a bit wild, erm...
194
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,200
- They're all drunk.
- l'm late.
195
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,400
Your mate, Stuart,
he said don't come till late.
196
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,600
Are you hungry? l'm hungry.
We could go and get a curry.
197
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,600
- We could. l've had enough of...
- Here she is!
198
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,600
Rosalie, have you met Cameron?
Come and say hello.
199
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,000
Cameron! This is Cameron.
200
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:56,800
Cameron is Vince's boyfriend.
Cameron says Vince shags like a rabbit.
201
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,600
He's bought him a car.
He's the perfect boyfriend.
202
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,600
They're practically married.
Put your coat in the bedroom.
203
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,200
Vince, get her a drink.
204
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,800
- ls that the girl from work?
- (Sniggers)
205
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,200
Bloody coat.
206
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,200
Blimey, there's a baby.
Whose is that? Bless him.
207
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:25,400
lt's a bit big, this place, isn't it? lt's huge.
You'd have the heating on full time.
208
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,800
Taxi driver couldn't find it.
He drove round for ages.
209
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,200
He is my boyfriend. He's...
210
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,600
- He's nice. He's...
- Actually, l think l'll head off home.
211
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,800
l've had this head all day.
lt's a bit loud. l'll be clobbered.
212
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,400
Best if l go. Happy birthday, then.
213
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,000
- Vince.
- Fuck off.
214
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,000
l'll phone you a taxi.
lt's the middle of the night.
215
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,400
You said girlfriend.
All those times, you said girlfriend.
216
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,400
Do you sit with your mates,
217
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,200
do you sit and laugh
at me because l'm such a big joke?
218
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:16,000
That girl at work, she fancies me.
She's so funny cos she's so stupid.
219
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,600
l'm really sorry. l should have said.
220
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,000
You're just a liar, Vince.
221
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:27,600
And you're a poof.
You're a dirty, little poof.
222
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,400
What the fuck was that for?
She's just a kid.
223
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,400
Just leave it. Leave it.
224
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,800
We're going. Let's just go.
225
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,200
What does he do at work?
Christ, but you're such a bastard.
226
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,200
That's it. We're going.
227
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,600
- What about the robot?
- l don't want it.
228
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,800
l've seen better.
229
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,000
He left half his presents behind,
gave me the keys.
230
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,200
l gather l missed all the drama.
Too busy dancing.
231
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,200
Title of my autobiography, that is.
232
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,800
There's a tape in the video,
belongs to him.
233
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,400
There you go.
234
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,200
Thanks.
235
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,200
Right, l'm off.
236
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,600
Vince comes home, he says, ''There's
this new boy at school, this lrish boy.''
237
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,000
l had weeks of it. Stuart this, Stuart that.
238
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,400
And then he didn't mention you at all.
239
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,200
Like the two of you had a secret.
240
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,000
You tipped up, soon enough.
That bank holiday.
241
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,600
Both of you drunk. 14 and drunk.
242
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,400
l saw you, l thought,
''Clever little bastard''.
243
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,400
- That's right. Everyone have a go at me.
- l said clever.
244
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,600
Did it on purpose, didn't you?
245
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,000
That's one hell of a push you gave him.
246
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,400
Can't do things on the quiet, can you?
Has to be a spectacle.
247
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,800
- Couldn't you have told him to sod off?
- Like he'd listen.
248
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,600
Hazel, he'd follow me around for ever.
249
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,400
Yeah.
250
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,800
Cameron's all right. He's good for him.
251
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,400
- Cameron won't last.
- He might.
252
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:51,200
He won't.
Still, leaves room for the next Cameron.
253
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,400
Right, l'm late, l'm off.
Oh, one more thing -
254
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,600
don't suppose you've seen
a bucket of piss, have you?
255
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,000
- Have you said anything?
- None of my business.
256
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,600
He's trying to make sense of it, poor sod.
257
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:13,000
But if you want it to make sense,
you have to see Vince as important.
258
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,200
And he's never
gonna manage that, is he?
259
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,800
- See you, kid. Look after yourself.
- l always have.
260
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,200
Keys are on the table.
He doesn't want them back.
261
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,000
(Phone)
262
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,200
What?
263
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,600
What do you want? Fuck off.
264
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,400
What for?
265
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,000
(& Robbie Williams:
Let Me Entertain You)
266
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,800
& Look me up in the Yellow Pages
l will be your rock of ages &
267
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,800
Don't pretend you're not bothered.
268
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,200
When she marries him,
your child will have a new father.
269
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,200
l'm much more interested
in why it bothers you.
270
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,800
He's moved in permanently,
just in case the Home Office checks up.
271
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,000
He's got his things in our bedroom.
Her bedroom. Just in case.
272
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,000
He's sleeping with her?
Oh, my God, they're having sex.
273
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,200
Stuart, l have very good reason
to believe she's a lesbian.
274
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,200
Have they? Have they?
Have they shagged?
275
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:04,600
She's put his name on the deeds
to the house...just in case.
276
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,200
lt's her house.
She can do what she wants.
277
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,800
l've been there for six years, paying half
the mortgage, with nothing in writing.
278
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,200
And you the solicitor.
279
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,800
lf Romey and l split up, l get nothing.
280
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Ahh.
281
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:23,200
l see, l thought this was a love story,
but it's just a mortgage.
282
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,600
Yeah, l'm simplifying for my audience.
283
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,400
She's only doing the right thing.
She always does.
284
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:33,800
She's saving a man from being deported.
She's so bloody correct.
285
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,000
So, it's down to us to stop her.
286
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,200
First six months we went out,
she wrote to me all the time.
287
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,400
She still writes to me now,
like it's some sort of record.
288
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:51,600
- The thoughts of Romey Sullivan.
- Lesbian letters.
289
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:57,200
- Can l read them?
- Doubt it - joined-up handwriting.
290
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:03,200
But they'd make the Home Office
see things in a very different light.
291
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:09,000
Here's the address. lt's a Mrs Lake. She's
in charge of Lance's visa application.
292
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,000
Hold on. Why do l have to send them?
293
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,800
These could only have come
from inside the house.
294
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,800
- You send them.
- You're in the house all the time
295
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,000
and, of course,
you're a malicious bastard.
296
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,200
We could send them anonymously.
297
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,800
They're from inside the house.
Someone's got to take the blame.
298
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,000
Romey will never forgive you,
299
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:34,800
but she's got a good solicitor to remind
her that she can't deny the father access.
300
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,400
So, it all becomes my fault.
301
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,400
l look after your child every fucking day
302
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,800
and every night,
he is screaming the place down.
303
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,800
You owe me.
304
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,600
Too much information.
305
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,800
Leave me alone.
306
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,200
- Yeah.
- (Nathan) 'lt's me.'
307
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,400
- 'l was just passing...'
- Nathan, fuck off.
308
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,600
'They've been round all day,
Vince and Cameron.
309
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,000
'They've been calling you all sorts.
l just thought, l mean...
310
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,200
'Are you all right?
311
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,400
- 'Stuart?'
- Fuck off.
312
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,000
Nathan. Nathan.
313
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,400
- Nathan!
- 'Yeah?'
314
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,600
Come on up.
315
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,800
(Television plays)
316
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,400
lt's dodgy, that lift. l got stuck.
317
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,600
Hiya.
318
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,400
Cameron thinks you're mad.
Like, really mad.
319
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,400
l said, ''You don't even know him.''
320
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:16,400
And Vince said you'd be laughing.
l told him. l said, ''That's not fair.''
321
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:21,000
Nathan, you're just a little boy.
Don't fucking think you know me.
322
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,000
(Sighs)
323
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,600
Look, maybe you should go.
324
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,800
lt's not Vince, it's...
325
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,200
- lt's lots of things.
- Like what?
326
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:48,600
(Stuart) lf l send the letters,
Romey's bound to find out it was me.
327
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,200
Then she's gonna hate me.
328
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,200
Yes.
329
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,000
- What if someone else sent the letters?
- Like who?
330
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,800
Dunno.
331
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,400
l could do it.
The letters - l could send them.
332
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,400
l've been in that house,
l could have taken them.
333
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,200
l'll do it, l will.
334
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,800
lt's still gonna come back to me.
Romey's gonna think l asked you.
335
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,600
l'll say you didn't. l'll take the blame.
336
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,800
She's still gonna ask why.
337
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,800
Oh, l dunno.
Cos l didn't want you to lose Alfred.
338
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,800
Cos even if you wanted me to,
you'd never ask.
339
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,600
Yeah, you'd never ask.
340
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,400
You'd get me to do it, but not by asking.
341
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,600
Look at you.
342
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,000
All you had to do was ask.
343
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,200
Cos you're mad, you are. You never say.
344
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,800
Do you want me to take the letters?
345
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,800
Ask me. Go on, ask me.
346
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,800
l'm not bothered, OK?
347
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,400
Do you love him, though?
Do you love Alfred?
348
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,000
Cos you don't say it.
349
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,000
You can't, can you?
Look at you, you can't.
350
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,000
- Do you love Vince?
- All right, Nathan, fuck off.
351
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,000
Ask me. Go on, just ask me.
352
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,200
l'll sort it out myself. l don't need you.
353
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,200
l'll do it. And not for a shag.
354
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,200
l'll do it cos l'm stupid
and l sort of love you.
355
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,800
- Put them down.
- Too late. l'm in love.
356
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:25,200
Lance is gonna be deported and what
would Vince would do if he was here?
357
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,800
He'd stop you. Vince would stop you.
358
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,000
No Vince. You've just got me.
359
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,400
You were right, about Vince.
360
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,800
lf he hears about this,
he'll come running round.
361
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,600
- So?
- So don't tell him.
362
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,000
Are you asking?
363
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,800
Yeah.
364
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,600
OK. You could say thanks.
365
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,400
You can't say it.
366
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,400
Stuart Jones.
367
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,600
You're such a twat.
368
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,800
(Nathan) Hello?
369
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,600
Can anyone hear me?
370
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,600
Hello?
371
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,200
Hello?
372
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,200
Hello?
29196
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