All language subtitles for Tales From The Crypt (1989) S06E15 You, Murderer.en

Hello, how're you?

I'm Fearest Gump.

Hi, care for a shockolate?

You sure?

Mummy always said life
is like a box of shockolates.

You never know
what you're gonna get.

Sometimes you
get a fudge scream.

Sometimes you get new guts.

Know what else Mummy said?

She said, "Scary
is as scary does."

Which brings to mind the
man in tonight's terror tale.

He's just dying to get
out of the mess he's in.

Literally.

It's a little piece of
horrid candy I call

"You, Murderer."

They say when you die, that you're
supposed to see this intense white light.

You're supposed to walk into it like it
was the gates of heaven or something.

At least, that's the
way I always heard it.

Well, I'm dead and so
far I've seen a lot of things

but some cockamamie
white light ain't one of them.

That's right, I'm dead.

And one thing I can
definitely tell you about it.

It ain't like I
expected it to be.

Stick around, you might
learn a thing or two.

Just a couple of hours ago
I was alive as the rest of you

and then, seemed like
destiny had taken a hand.

- Seems that destiny has taken a hand.
- What was that, Mr. Spinelli?

It's destiny that
today of all days,

you, doll, have come up with a
campaign that's gonna save this company.

What was that slogan again?

Here's looking at you, kid.

I like it, Erika. It's
got a familiar ring to it.

Thanks, Mr. Spinelli. Now, the
way the campaign will work is this.

- Let me just make sure everything is...
- Thanks, Jimmy.

Okay.

The first billboard will say,

"Here's looking at ewe, kid."

Spelled E-W-E.

- Then...
- That's pretty good, baby.

Here's looking at you, kid.

- You know, kid, goat.
- Sure. That's swell, Erika.

Okay, and the third one...

- Hare's looking at you, kid.
- That's good, very good. I like it.

- Geez, is that the time?
- It's 9:30.

Mr. Spinelli, call
for you on three.

It was hard to hear, I
think they said it was Oscar.

Oscar, huh? That's strange.

Excuse me, everybody.
I'll be right with you.

- Oscar?
- No, Lou, it's Betty.

Surprised to hear my voice?

I'm supposed to be dead,
aren't I? Aren't I, Lou?

- I hear...
- Your pal Oscar

sent a couple of goons
over here to kill me.

- I hear...
- But, I've got bad news for you.

- I hear what you're...
- It didn't work.

- You hear me, Lou?
- Listen.

This won't do any good.

You'll never understand me,
but I'll try once then give it up.

Don't bother, Lou.
I'm calling the police.

You're going to jail. Do
you hear me, Lou? To jail.

Lou, are you okay?

- Lou?
- Yeah, everything's all right, Erika.

Just a little emergency
at home, that's all.

- Mr. Spinelli...
- Everything's okay.

- Mr. Spinelli, are you all right?
- Everything's fine, Erika.

In the part of town where I grew up,
you did what you had to do to survive,

whether it was legal or not.

I robbed, cheated, even killed.

I did a lot of hard time before I got
wise to what a sucker's game it was.

Unfortunately, no one was
offering second chances,

so I busted out of the joint,

got a new name and a new
face and put my past behind me.

At least, I thought I did.

- She knows?
- Yeah, she knows.

What makes you so sure?

Somebody sent her those pictures
in the mail. She knows all about me.

Who I was, what I've
done, the whole rap sheet.

And there's only one other person in the
world who knows the words to that song.

Is that a joke?
You think that I...

I'm the one that performed
plastic surgery on you.

- I'm the guy that changed your face!
- Yeah, and made me look like Bogart.

You know how hard that was?

It would have been easier to
make you look like Gabby Hayes.

How could you think it was me?

You're still a wanted man.

Every police department in the
country wants to get its hands on you.

And I'm your accomplice.
If you go down, I go down.

Why would I spill my guts to
anyone, let alone your wife?

Keep your pants on, Oscar.

Now, look, I may have
been a little too hasty.

Okay, you're the
doctor. What do we do?

If she's wise to us, there's
only one thing we can do.

- Kill her.
- Kill her?

Don't be screwy.

I know a few guys.

Might cost a little money,
but they'll take care of it.

You're starting to
scare me, Oscar.

And they'll make it look like
a break-in, or an accident.

An unfortunate mishap
while you were at the office.

You're talking crazy.

Don't go soft on me, Lou.

We did it for each other then,
we do it for each other now.

I know that.

Look, I'm not in
love with the idea.

I know that, too.

But what's our alternative,
Lou? The electric chair?

I wish you hadn't said that.

That Oscar, he sure
had a way with words.

He was almost as good with
them as he was with a scalpel.

He always was the smart one,
that's why he stayed in school.

Got off the streets and
never went to the big house.

The big house.

There was one thing I had promised
myself the last time I was inside.

I ain't never going back.

I know what you're thinking.

"What's this mug
complaining about?

"He did wrong and he
got what he deserved."

But I tried hard to be
Joe above average citizen.

I built a successful business,
paid my taxes without griping.

I even did charity work.

Unfortunately, I made
one other mistake

that brought down the
whole house of cards.

Betty.

I'd married a monster and
no matter what little good I did,

she was determined to
punish me for saying, "I do."

I had no idea what was waiting for
me when I walked through my front door.

But whatever it was,
I was ready for it.

My senses weren't just tingling,
they were chiming like church bells.

But where were the cops?
Where the hell was Betty?

And then I saw it.

A body lying on
the sun room floor.

Betty must have
gotten the drop on him.

Oh, no, Oscar.

- Drop the gun, Lou.
- Oscar, what the hell is going on?

I said, drop it.

All right, relax.
I'm dropping it.

- Betty.
- Hello, Lou.

- Good work, sweetheart.
- How long has this been going on?

Almost a year. Not
that you've noticed.

But what the hell, it's one of the
things that I came to love about you.

That and your predictability.

I told Oscar you were gonna
be here in eight minutes.

And you made it
in seven and a half.

Pretty good time for a man
who's about to kill himself.

- Get up.
- Kill myself?

- Go on, get up.
- Now, why would I do that?

Over to the couch.

Hey, that's a good-looking
rod you've got there, Oscar.

Move it!

And I got a feeling it ain't
your finger on the trigger, is it?

I'd been set up and the plan
was a beaut. Hell, it was perfect.

You could sure make a case that
I had every reason to kill myself.

They even found
an audience for me.

Are you okay, Lou?

Was there anyone
in that boardroom

who didn't think my whole
world had just come to an end?

Let me tell you,
sweetheart, they had me.

I'm disappointed, Oscar. It's one thing
when your wife double-crosses you.

You expect that. But your
best friend? Now, that hurts.

- And I thought you had class.
- What do you mean...

Relax, honey.
Don't let him rile you.

You'll be pleased. Your
suicide note is rather eloquent.

- I almost cried when I wrote it.
- I'm touched.

You know, you won't get the
life insurance if I kill myself.

I know. That's two million
we have to do without.

Isn't that right, honey?

There's no point
in being greedy.

I'm gonna call the car.

Sit down, Lou.

I said, sit down.

Here.

Have a drink.

Great bug juice.

What is this? Some sort
of a Jim Jones cocktail?

Drink up, Lou.

Sometimes, chum,
you go soft-headed.

I'd like to see any blonde do
that to me. She's got you crazy.

You're wasting your
breath, Lou. Come on.

It'll be quick. Heck, you're my best
friend. I wouldn't make you suffer.

- I'm glad friendship counts for something.
- I'm waiting, Lou.

And then it hit me. Their plan required
a massive dose of poison in my system.

Not a slug from a .45.

You know, Oscar, I
don't think you'll do it.

Oh, no?

No, but go ahead and shoot.
You'll be doing me a favor.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Nice move, Lou. You
learn that in prison?

No, that's a little trick I picked up in
Benny's shooting gallery in Coney Island.

And if you don't
quit stalling, I'll show

you some other tricks
I learned in Brooklyn.

No!

In that first moment, with
the whiteness all around me,

I felt kind of peaceful.

I wondered, am I dazed,

- paralyzed, or am I...
- He's dead.

- He's dead?
- He's dead.

Are you sure?

No pulse. No breathing.

His pupils are dilated.
He's dead, all right.

Well, ain't that
a kick in the ass.

If he's dead, how come he
looks like he can still see us?

- Yeah. It's creepy.
- It was a lot more than creepy.

Let's get him up.

It was screwy.

Come on, get his feet.

None of it made any sense,
the white light was gone.

My soul, as far as I could
tell, hadn't risen from my body.

- Put him down.
- What the hell was going on?

So far, death was
full of surprises.

- I could still see, still hear.
- Damn!

Damn! Damn!

- And I sure as hell could feel.
- What is the matter?

Look at him, he's
got a dent in his head.

What did he do,
beat himself to death?

Let's throw him off the
balcony, say he jumped.

He better hit a piece of naked
sculpture on the way down.

The guy's got a pair of nipples
punched in the top of his head.

The police aren't that stupid.

Why the hell did you
hit him with a statue?

Well, I'm sorry. I was
trying to help, all right?

So Betty had hit
me with the Picasso.

I always said it made
quite an impression.

Oh, the whole plan's screwed up.

Our alibi, everything... This is
never gonna look like a suicide!

Okay, okay.

What if he didn't
commit suicide?

What if he just disappeared?
We get rid of the body.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

He was afraid the cops were onto him
so he ran, he vanished without a trace.

If anybody asks
you, you don't know.

Nobody knows, it's perfect.

Come on. Let's get his feet.

Being dead was beginning to scare
me. Where the hell was heaven?

Maybe my soul had
already risen and I missed it.

- What are we doing?
- We take him down to the garage.

I'll explain it
when we get there.

When was Saint Peter gonna
meet me at the Pearly Gates?

The hell with him.

I would've settled for my
Uncle Rosco waving me in.

Hello? Lou, are you there?

- Who's that?
- I don't know.

Lou?

Lou, are you all right?

Damn, now we have
to open the door.

- Are you kidding?
- We can't risk it.

- She might call the police.
- Hello, is someone there?

- Lou.
- We'll put him in the closet.

Come on, come on.
Help me out here.

- Hello?
- Here.

I'll get him. You stall her.

- Lou!
- I'm coming.

- Maybe this was karma at work.
- Just wait a minute!

Maybe God had a sense of humor and this
was his idea of justice in the universe.

- Everything okay in there?
- Just a minute.

An eternity of being dragged around
my apartment and dropped on my head.

If that was how death was going to
be, I thought, I'm gonna kill myself.

Okay, open up.

Erika, what a surprise.
What are you doing here?

It was Erika, all right.

Is everything okay?
I heard a crash.

Right on cue.

I tripped on the stairs, knocked
over a lamp and broke a coffee table.

I don't believe we've met.

I'm Oscar Charles. I'm
a friend of the family.

Is Lou here?

I'm right over here, sweetheart,
hanging in the closet like a side of beef.

He left the office in such a state.
We're all very worried about him.

We haven't heard from him.

Actually, we were hoping that
you could tell us where he is.

When I spoke to him this afternoon,
he seemed very upset about something.

- Well, wait a minute, you're Oscar?
- Yes.

Well, just before Lou left, he got a
phone call from somebody named Oscar.

Oh, that phone call.

I was calling Lou to tell him that someone
was enquiring about his medical records.

- Some gentleman from the FBI.
- FBI?

- FBI?
- Betty, I think we should tell her.

- Tell her what?
- Tell me what?

Apparently, Lou is not the
man we all thought he was.

He is a criminal on the
run from the police, yeah.

When I told him that the FBI was
asking questions about him, he flipped.

Why don't you go
on back to your office

- in case he tries to contact you.
- That's a good idea.

- Betty and I are going to
the police - We'll call you

- and see if there's anything -
as soon as we know something.

- They know about all this.
- We'll call you immediately.

This being dead was starting
to give me a real headache.

Lou, you bastard! You
were having an affair with her.

Here, we'll put one of these
on his head. It'll hide the dents.

He was having an affair with
her, I could see it in her eyes.

Forget about it. We gotta think
about getting him outta here.

Oh, Oscar.

I don't know what's
right any longer.

You have to do the
thinking for both of us.

Kiss me. Kiss me as
if it were the last time.

I can't believe I'm
listening to this.

With that damn hat stuck
over my eyes, I couldn't see.

But I felt like they had
crammed me into my car

and it sounded like they were
headed pretty far out of town.

I had decided that this wasn't hell.
Hell couldn't possibly be this stupid.

Anyway, I got to thinking about
things like my old pal, Oscar.

Don't go soft on me, Lou.

We did it for each other then
and we do it for each other now.

I know that.

At last now I know what he
meant by, "Doing it to each other."

And speaking of doing it, that
got me thinking about Erika.

You see, Betty was
right about Erika and me.

Oh, Lou, you're the
best, you know that?

You're warm, sensitive, caring.

You're great in bed.

What would you say if I
told you I'll never leave you?

Nobody ever loved me that much.

And I did a lot of
thinking about Betty.

Lou, you're a bastard.
You're scum, you know that?

You're cheap, insensitive,
stupid and lousy in bed.

What would you say if I
told you I'm leaving you?

Nobody ever loved me that much.

I wouldn't exactly say I was
getting used to being dead,

but I was beginning
to see a pattern.

Hurry up. Get the other
shovel. There's a spot over here.

No, there's a spot down
there, at the bottom of the hill.

All right. Hurry up. We gotta get him
in the ground before the sun comes up.

Time was beginning
to take forever.

It felt like I had been cooped
up in that car for an eternity.

I was starting to get cramps.

Thanks, pal.

Nuts, rigor mortis.

And let me tell
you, it's no picnic.

Every last cell in your body
goes rigid and it hurts like hell.

They're taking me out to a piece
of property I'd bought in the hills.

I'd planned on retiring there.

I just hadn't planned
on doing it so soon.

How deep you gonna
make that thing?

- Deep.
- Well, help me get him out of the car.

He's starting to stiffen up.

That's more than
he ever did for me.

Come on, come on.

That Betty was pretty talented.

She could lie,
murder and tell jokes.

She was the comic from hell.

Hold it right there. Put your
hands where I can see them.

Don't shoot.

- Lou.
- Well, what do you know?

The cavalry comes to the rescue.

Oh, God, what
did they do to you?

Maybe God had decided
to give me a break after all.

- Put your hands back up.
- What a relief.

Like I said, being dead is
certainly full of surprises.

How the hell did you get here?

- I followed you.
- I knew it.

Put your hands up.

- Hello.
- You've reached 911...

Hello, can you hear me?

All our lines are currently...

Hello, you're breaking
up. This is an emergency.

Poor Erika.

- So beautiful.
- Can you hear me now?

So loyal.

Thank God, listen,
this is an emergency.

- So trusting.
- Yes, there's been a murder.

Erika.

So dumb.

Hello?

Not again. We lost another one.

Yes!

- I feel much better.
- Then something strange happened.

Turned out that Betty
was a hell of a shot.

We're talking something the Warren
Commission would have been proud of.

That bullet killed Erika,
smashed the windshield,

tore through my chest
and severed my spine.

Look out, the car.

- Oh, my God!
- Run! Run!

So, where was I?

Oh, yeah, the things
you learn when you die.

Did I mention
about the light yet?

Well, I'm still waiting to
see that big bright light.

I'm beginning to
think that there is no...

Hey, wait a minute.
There's a light.

Got one in the car.
Dead from the looks of it.

Give me a hand, here.

Well, well, well.

Here's looking at you, kids.

Yeah, well, this whole dying
thing isn't what it's cracked up to be.

First there's all this talk about the
light. Now, there's no damn light.

It's all a bunch of crap.

Then there's the
pain and suffering.

Ow!

Now, that's for real. It never
stops. It just gets worse.

And in the end, all you really
have to look forward to is...

Haven't I seen this
guy someplace before?

- No.
- No.

What the hell, he'll
find out soon enough.

You know, I kind
of feel sorry for Lou.

Surely, there's got to be an
easier way to get an Oscar.

I hope my story didn't scare
you too much, Mr. Hitchcock.

Actually, I'm a very
big fan of yours.

If you want, you
can tell me a story.

I guess he knows
the pecking order now.

English -SDH