All language subtitles for Tales From The Crypt (1989) S06E01 Let the Punishment Fit the Crime.en

From overseas and underworld,
it's the Crypt Keeper Noose Network.

Good evening, Crypts.

In the news tonight,

wolf-man bites dog,

vampires say "life sucks,"

mummy takes the wrap
after years in denial,

and illiterate zombies insist

they're better dead than read.

This just in.

And our top story tonight,
is a nasty little sound bite

about an
ambulance-chasing lawyer

who is about to bleed the
toughest case of her life.

I call it, "Let the
Punishment Fit the Crime."

Hey, Dick Tracy, is this really
necessary for a traffic ticket?

Can we speed this up? I
got tickets to the Knicks game.

- Joey here...
- Yeah, Joey, listen.

I'm stuck in some
chickenshit speed trap upstate.

Where the hell are you?

What's the name of this burg?

- Stueksville.
- Stueksville?

Stueksville.

- Never heard of it.
- Of course. Stueksville.

- You're kidding!
- Are you ready for this?

For driving an improperly
licensed vehicle.

Oh, come on.

Yeah, well, I'm stuck here
another hour, an hour and a half,

so you better meet me
at the Garden. Section 8.

All right, all right,
what about dinner?

- We'll get something to eat later.
- I'm starving now.

You'll survive.

I gotta go.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait.

Geri Ferrett, attorney, specializing in
personal damage claims. You know,

I gotta tell you, it
makes my blood boil

to see a good man much like
yourself who's been grievously harmed

by an irresponsible motorist...

Mmm-mmm.

By an indifferent company...

Mmm-mmm.

By an uncaring government...

Mmm-hmm.

That thinks they can
settle with chump change.

Now, you may think that
you already have a lawyer,

but chew on this, my friend.

Last month I got a guy not half
as banged up as you a mil-six.

Cash.

Think about it.

Fouser, Donald James,
case A-5107, to Courtroom B.

B? Not B. No! Not Courtroom B!

Please. Please! No!
No! Not Courtroom B!

No! No! No!

What was that all about?

Courtroom B. The judge
there's supposed to be real hard.

- So what're you up for?
- Felonious auto sales.

What, you sold somebody
a hot Studebaker?

No, I turned the odometer
back on a car that I sold a guy.

Well, that ought
to get you 10 years.

I hope so. This is
a very strict town.

Dreyfus, Purdy Lee,
case A-4057, Courtroom A.

Uh-oh.

Hey, hey, hey, pal. You don't
want to sneeze on the judge.

No. Thanks.

Hey, hey, hey!

Excuse me.

Miss Ferrett?

Hi, I'm Austin Haggard.

I've been appointed by the
Court to handle your case.

What? You...

Look, Mr. Public Defender, I'm
an attorney. Brooklyn Law, '79.

I see.

Even if I wasn't, I
don't believe I would be

hiring an eyesore like
you to represent me.

They teach you to dress like
that in Law Tech night school?

No, Harvard, actually.

The clothes just go with the
idea of being a public servant.

I think we both
should consider...

Yeah, well, thank
you, Counselor,

but I will be pleading
guilty to this little rip-off

and getting the
hell out of this town.

No, no, no. I don't
think you want to do this.

This is a very strict town.

I can get the charges reduced.

Putz!

I told you what I want.

Mr. Public Defender,
report to Courtroom B.

Excuse me. I'm just
a little overbooked.

Ferrett, Geraldine, case
A-4076, Courtroom A.

No.

Ferrett, Geraldine.

You are charged with Section
86 of the State Penal Code,

driving an illegally
licensed vehicle.

Are you ready to enter a plea?

I'm sorry, Your Honor, but
my attorney isn't present.

Yes, I am, Your Honor.

Come on.

Hi. I talked to the judge.

Well, we hit him on a good day.

He's agreed to decrease the sentence
to "misdemeanor public nuisance."

Decrease it?

Okay, fine, fine.

- What's it gonna cost me?
- Ten.

All this bullshit for ten
bucks? Here. Keep the change.

Not $10, Miss
Ferrett. Ten lashes.

They can flail you now
and you can be on your way.

As soon as you regain
consciousness, of course.

What the hell? Are you nuts?

Mr. Haggard, the Court's offer is
good for about another five seconds.

Your Honor, nowhere in New
York is corporal punishment...

Okay.

I would like to enter a plea of
not guilty to the original charges

and depend on the Court's
swift delivery of justice.

You want swift justice?
Well, you've got it.

What you got there?

Miss Ferrett was
apprehended with this plate

on the rear of her
Mercedes convertible.

Under New York State law,

five-digit combinations are
reserved for local governments.

Is this yours, Miss Ferrett?

Well, Miss Ferrett?

Begging the Court's pardon, that
is not a five-digit plate, Your Honor.

Oh, it is. You see?

This is, one "S," one
"U," two "E's," one "M."

One, two, three, four, five.

Five digits. You see?

Actually, the space between
the two "E's" counts as one digit,

making it a six-digit plate

of the type reserved
for passenger vehicles.

The space between
the two counts!

Your Honor, I have
exculpatory evidence that

speaks to the
public-spirited quality...

- You what?
- Of the accused.

Thank you.

No problem.

No problem.

Ah, yes, yes.

Yes. So, you were the lawyer
who took down Mediheart.

Yeah, $56 million.
Not a bad payday.

- Amazing.
- Thank you.

That a jury could fall for
such a load of garbage.

Hey, I proved my case.

And my clients were victims of
a callous medical establishment.

In 10 years of use
outside the laboratory,

the Cardi-Tark-7
pacemaker never failed. Ever.

That's irrelevant. We all know
mechanical devices break.

We provided the jury with a
range of psychological proofs

that the wearers of the
Mediheart pacemaker, my clients,

burdened with that knowledge,

suffered life-shortening
daily trauma.

Your Honor, my client is a
woman with a noble cause, who...

- Yes. Will you shut up?
- Thank you.

I know exactly what your client
is, a cynical and immoral woman,

a discredit to her profession.

She's lucky I don't charge her
for illegal solicitation of services

for this snotty license plate.

Guilty as charged.

Guilty? Like hell!

Your Honor, I would ask at this
time for a sentence of public service.

Public service? No, no.

No, you see, not in this case.

No, the fine is 100 lashes,

to be administered immediately.

Hey, hey. No.

Hey, I was... Hey, what are
you doing? What are you...

I'd like a jury trial!

I will sue you for false arrest!

I'll sue your ass,
your fresh little ass!

Let go of me!

You have no idea
who you're dealing with.

Help me! Help me, I'll pay you!

You're in deep shit, you...

Get your hands off
me! Let go! Let go, you...

I'm telling you...

What are you crying about?

They cut off my nose.

No! No, please.

This is all a terrible mistake!

You sons of bitches!

This is cruel and
unusual punishment!

Stop!

Good news, Miss Ferrett.

The judge looked
up the State Code.

Your license plate has six digits
after all, exactly like you said.

Your case has been thrown out.

I told you I'd get you off.

You little turd, I had this thing beat
until you showed up with that file folder.

How dare you go
digging through my car?

You stink, you hear me?

You're a nag on his
way to the glue factory.

I'd rather be dead than you.

Miss Ferrett? Is this yours?

Why? You got a
legal problem, too?

No, you do.

- You have the right to remain silent...
- No.

- Ferrett, Geraldine...
- No, no, no.

- Case A-4099...
- No. No!

- To Courtroom B.
- No!

Hi.

- I've been appointed by...
- What the hell is going on?

Well,

it seems you gave your
business card to a man upstairs

who had already
retained counsel.

Yeah, so?

That's not illegal.

I'm afraid it is illegal.

- You see, this is a very...
- Strict town. I get the picture.

That's the same judge.

Why do you say that?

Oh, I see.

No, but they are related.

This one's a lot
more conservative.

Don't worry.

I have a strategy.

Case number A-4099,
Ferrett, Geraldine.

Are you ready to stand trial?

Yes we are, Your Honor.

You are charged with the illegal
solicitation of services in this court.

How plead you?

We plead not guilty, by
reason of temporary insanity.

Your client, my honor is...

Your Honor, my client
is the actual victim here.

As a child, she
was psychologically

abused by her entire family.

She repressed these
horrors until recently,

and this inner turmoil made her act
irrationally on the occasion in question.

What a load of...

Guilty as charged.

You ready for sentencing?

Is that your strategy?
Are you crazy?

I believe you used the same defense
yourself on a number of occasions.

I guess I just did not
do it right. I am sorry.

At this time, I would ask for
a sentence of public service?

No, no, no. Not a chance.

The prisoner is to be pilloried
for a period of one year.

- Pilloried.
- What the fuck is pilloried?

For God's sake,
you gotta appeal.

- There was no due process...
- Really, Miss Ferrett,

don't you think you ought to
just quit while you're ahead?

You can't do this to
me! You can't do this...

When I get back to the city, I'll
sue you, every last one of you!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Hello?

You're not scared, are you?

Who's there?

Hell, this ain't scary.

Scary, is not being
able to get a pacemaker

because you sued the
company into bankruptcy,

and then having to spend my
life savings on surgeries instead.

Or dying because you
can't afford a doctor,

because the doctor
has to charge so much

to pay for his
malpractice insurance.

Who are you? What do you want?

Oh, a pound of flesh will do.

Miss Ferrett?

Hi.

Good news, Miss Ferrett.

They've granted your
appeal, if you still want to do it.

Get me out of here.
I think I'm going nuts.

I'll take that as a yes.

- No, no, this way.
- What?

Where are we going?

Courtroom C, of course.

Oh, no.

No! No!

- Oh, God.
- I know,

and he's the
strictest one of all.

This is good work,
Mr. Haggard. Very nicely argued.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Miss Ferrett, I have read
your attorney's brief and,

however persuasive
his presentation,

find no reason to overturn
the other judge's verdict.

See, your actions
were cut and dried.

You've violated the
law, and you must pay.

However, the sentence
handed down by my colleague

- was wholly inappropriate.
- Yeah.

I sentence you to
death by electrocution.

Sentence to be
carried out immediately.

Your Honor, begging the Court's
pardon, may I approach the bench?

Oh, very well. Yes?

Hi.

I see. I see.

Very well.

It is this Court's opinion

that, while your client is
an unmitigated scumbucket,

her skills are worthwhile and should
be put to work for the public weal.

Now, I hereby sentence you to
return home to do public service

for a time yet to be specified.

Thank you.

Let's get out of here
before he changes his...

What the hell? I thought
this was the way out.

It is.

No!

Welcome back, Ger.

Had a feeling we might
bump into you again.

And this time, you're
gonna get what you deserve.

No! I'm not supposed
to get the chair!

Come on. Have a seat.

No! The judge! The judge said I
get to go home and do public service!

Isn't that what he said?

Yes! Get out of my way!

All right!

Strap me down, boys!

What are you doing?

I'm getting out of
Stueksville for good.

Yeah, I thought I'd be stuck
here forever, until you came along.

What?

In my day, I got off more big-time
dirtbags with a slap on the wrist

than a lowlife ambulance-chaser
like you could count.

We didn't use any cheeseball victim
defense, either. We just bought the jury.

But I get to go home and
do public service, right?

You are home, Counselor.

And I'd rather be dead than you.

Hit it, boys!

No! Not this!

Ms. Public Defender,
report to Courtroom A.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No!

Talk about trial and terror!

Still, I think Geri
will do just fine.

I mean, aside from the occasional
attack of motion sickness!

And now it's time
for business news.

So, Chip, what happened on
the shock exchanges today?

Oh, sorry.

Looks like it's time for
the spurts report instead!

Oh, boy!

English -SDH