All language subtitles for Tales From The Crypt (1989) S05E01 Death of Some Salesmen.en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,920 AAH HA HA HA HA! 2 00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:20,879 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 3 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,730 WELL, KIDDIES, 4 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:30,533 I'M AFRAID OUR DESIGNER HANGER OFFER HAS EXPIRED. 5 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,702 WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE GET MR. DE LA RENTA 6 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,726 OUT OF HERE? 7 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,873 NEXT UP ON THE HOME CHOPPING NETWORK. 8 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:40,276 IT'S TIME FOR THE CRYPT KEEPER'S FASHION BOO-TIQUE. 9 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,044 TODAY, WE FEATURING MY FULL LINE 10 00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:45,147 OF APRÉS VIE DEATH CARE PRODUCTS. 11 00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,817 WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING FROM FACE-SCREAM 12 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,786 TO MAS-SCARE-A. 13 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,387 TRY SOME. 14 00:01:51,411 --> 00:01:53,255 IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR... 15 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:57,594 DEM-ISE. HEE HEE HEE HEE! 16 00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,930 OR MAYBE I COULD INTEREST YOU 17 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,864 IN TONIGHT'S SPECIAL. 18 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,266 IT'S A TASTELESS TIDBIT 19 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:06,236 ABOUT A TRAVELING CEMETERY PLOT SALESMAN 20 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,906 WHO'S ABOUT TO MAKE A GRAVE MISTAKE. 21 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:14,132 I CALL IT DEATH OF SOME SALESMEN. 22 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:16,461 HA. EB JONES, COME ON DOWN. 23 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:25,916 YOU'RE UP ALREADY. 24 00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:29,085 WHAT TIME IS IT? 25 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,754 ALMOST 6:00 A.M. 26 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,222 HASH-SLINGIN' TIME. 27 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:34,857 HASH-SLINGIN'... 28 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,292 I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT I'M THROUGH 29 00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,161 WITH THAT GODDAMN COFFEE SHOP. 30 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:40,863 I'M GOING WITH YOU. ISN'T THAT WHAT WE SAID? 31 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:44,189 WELL, THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS. 32 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,903 BUT WE SAID LAST NIGHT. 33 00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:50,606 LAST NIGHT WAS LAST NIGHT. 34 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,475 SO YOU LIED TO ME. 35 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,377 NO, YOU SAID YOU WANTED 36 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,079 TO GET OUT OF THIS STINKING LITTLE BURG 37 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,847 AND I SOLD YOU A WAY TO DO IT. 38 00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,082 FOR THE NIGHT. 39 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:02,607 NOW IT'S MORNING. AND THE WARRANTY'S EXPIRED. 40 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,422 DAMN YOU! 41 00:04:06,446 --> 00:04:10,259 OH, SPARE ME THE TEARS, OK, SWEETHEART? 42 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,161 BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. 43 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,963 HA HA HA HA. 44 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,265 YES. YES. I SAID I LOVED YOU, 45 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,167 AND YOU DROPPED YOUR LITTLE PANTIES. 46 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,125 IT'S CALLED SALESMANSHIP. 47 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,248 YOU MUST BE MRS. JONES. 48 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,815 YES, I AM. 49 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:09,352 I'M JUDD CAMPBELL FROM THE RESTFUL HILLS MEMORIAL PARK. 50 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:11,721 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE WAY YOUR HUSBAND SAID YOU ARE. 51 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,189 IS HE HERE? 52 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:16,359 WELL, NO. HE PASSED ON A FEW DAYS AGO. 53 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:19,195 THE FUNERAL WAS YESTERDAY. 54 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:20,897 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 55 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,833 I... JUST LAST MONDAY, I SAW HIM... 56 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,435 IT'S LIKE HE SAW IT COMING. 57 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,570 HE DID. HE HAD CANCER. 58 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:29,039 WELL, I KNOW THAT, BUT... 59 00:05:29,063 --> 00:05:33,109 MONDAY, HE PUTS A DOWN PAYMENT ON A NEW CEMETERY PLOT. 60 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,678 AND THEN SUDDENLY... 61 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:40,783 DID YOU SAY HE PUT A DOWN PAYMENT ON A CEMETERY PLOT? 62 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,452 $250. 63 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:43,953 FOR BOTH YOU AND HIM. 64 00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,923 WELL, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT TO ME. 65 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,959 WELL, HE WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE. 66 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,262 HE PICKED THIS SPOT RIGHT HERE. 67 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:54,698 HE WANTED YOU TO BE AMONG THE FIRST 68 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:57,701 TO ENJOY ETERNAL REST AMIDST ALL THAT BEAUTY. 69 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,535 SHAME. HE WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT 70 00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:00,870 THE BENEFITS PACKAGE, TOO. 71 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:04,073 FUNERAL EXPENSES, PLUS 10,000 CASH. 72 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,208 HE LOVED YOU SO MUCH. 73 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,543 $10,000? 74 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,045 YEAH. 75 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,513 I'LL ARRANGE FOR YOU TO GET FULL A REFUND, 76 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,815 WHEN I GET BACK TO THE OFFICE, 77 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,383 OF THE $250 DEPOSIT. 78 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:15,985 OH, BUT, UM, ISN'T THERE SOME WAY 79 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:19,488 THAT I COULD GET THE BENEFITS? 80 00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:21,224 I DON'T SEE HOW. 81 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,560 YOUR HUSBAND HAS ALREADY PASSED ON. 82 00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:27,697 WELL, WHAT IF I PAID YOU THE MONEY? 83 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,600 MA'AM, THAT WOULD BE ILLEGAL. 84 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,802 I DON'T SEE WHY. 85 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:36,639 MY HUSBAND INTENDED TO PAY YOU THE MONEY. 86 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,407 WHAT IF HE'D ALREADY SENT IT? 87 00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:41,211 NOW, LOOK. I COULD PAY YOU THE MONEY NOW, 88 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,411 IN CASH. 89 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:46,081 AND WHO'S TO KNOW WHEN YOU GOT IT? 90 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,584 OH, PLEASE. 91 00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:50,420 THE FUNERAL WAS SO EXPENSIVE. 92 00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:54,924 AND EB DIDN'T LEAVE ME HARDLY A PIG'S WHISTLE. 93 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,926 ISN'T THERE SOME WAY? 94 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,661 HOW MUCH DID HE OWE YOU? 95 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:01,230 ANOTHER $250. 96 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,731 PFFT. I DON'T KNOW. 97 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,801 I SUPPOSE IF IT WERE CASH. 98 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:08,226 OH, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU. 99 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,168 BOING. 100 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:27,189 I'M AFRAID I... I ONLY HAVE $187. 101 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,224 OOH. 102 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,826 THAT'S ALL I GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 103 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:32,195 ISN'T THERE SOME WAY? 104 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:36,299 MRS. JONES, YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LADY. 105 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,922 I'LL FIND A WAY. 106 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,804 OH, BLESS YOU. 107 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,260 BLESS YOU. 108 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:15,972 CAN I HELP YOU? 109 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:19,008 YOU MUST BE MRS. COMFRY. 110 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,511 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE WAY YOUR HUSBAND SAID YOU WERE. 111 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:22,845 HE'S A VERY LUCKY MAN. 112 00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:23,846 MRS. WHO? 113 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,515 MRS. COMFRY. 114 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,584 THERE'S NOBODY HERE BY THAT NAME. 115 00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,787 WH-WH... ISN'T THIS 2465 MAPLE STREET? 116 00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,554 NO. 117 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,690 THIS HERE IS MAPLE DRIVE. 118 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,193 MAPLE STREET IS WAY ACROSS TOWN. 119 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,727 OH. MY MISTAKE. 120 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:40,429 END OF THE DAY. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. 121 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,020 BYE. 122 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,089 YOUNG MAN. 123 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,994 ARE YOU SELLING SOMETHING? 124 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,744 AS A MATTER OF FACT... 125 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,746 BECAUSE AT RESTFUL HILLS, 126 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,215 WE BELIEVE THAT BOTH YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES 127 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:03,720 SHOULD BE ABLE TO REST IN PEACE BEFORE AS WELL AS AFTER. 128 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,555 OH, IT SOUNDS SO NICE. 129 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,490 I DO HAVE A LOVELY BROCHURE THAT I'D... 130 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:11,427 I'M SORRY. I DON'T WANT PA TO MISS THIS. 131 00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,928 PA! 132 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:16,733 OH, WHERE IS THAT OLD GOAT? 133 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,067 PA! 134 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,402 WHERE IN TARNATION ARE YOU? 135 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,538 HONESTLY. 136 00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:22,539 HOLD YOUR HORSES, MA! 137 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,307 I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DIGGING! 138 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,977 OH, WE GOT COMPANY. 139 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,313 MR. CAMPBELL'S A SALESMAN, PA. 140 00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:33,449 A SALESMAN! 141 00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,517 AIN'T THAT NICE?! 142 00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,019 IN THE OLD DAYS, 143 00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,989 TRAVELING SALESMEN USED TO COME BY ALL THE TIME. 144 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,425 OF COURSE, NOWADAYS, EVERYBODY STAYS HOME, 145 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,293 DOES THEIR SHOPPING ON THE TV. 146 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,595 I DON'T KNOW, BUT TO ME IT JUST AIN'T THE SAME. 147 00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:47,596 NO. 148 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:51,500 WELL, SIT YOURSELF. 149 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,069 SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT. 150 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,536 I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 151 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:55,737 BUYING THINGS LONG DISTANCE, 152 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,740 YOU KNOW, YOU LOSE THAT HUMAN CONNECTION. 153 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,475 AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH? 154 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,477 AND WHEN THE PRODUCT COMES... 155 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:02,879 SHUT UP, MA. 156 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,414 THE YOUNG MAN DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK. 157 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,349 LET HIM GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. 158 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,384 I'LL DO JUST THAT, SIR. 159 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,185 AT RESTFUL HILLS MEMORIAL PARK... 160 00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:12,120 THAT SOME KIND OF CEMETERY? 161 00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:15,123 WE CALL OURSELVES A MEMORIAL PARK. 162 00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,792 WHAT WE DO IS A WHOLE NEW CONCEPT 163 00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:18,527 THAT TRIES TO BRING PEACE TO YOUR LOVED ONES 164 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,730 BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER YOUR DEMISE. 165 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,965 FOR STARTERS, WE FOUND A PIECE OF PROPERTY, 166 00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:24,400 NORTH SIDE OF TOWN, 167 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:27,136 THAT WILL JUST KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF. 168 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,738 LOOK AT THIS. ISN'T THAT GORGEOUS? 169 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,239 OH, IT SURE IS! 170 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:34,410 IT LOOKS LIKE THE PERFECT PLACE TO SPEND ETERNITY. 171 00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,645 IT DOES LOOK RESTFUL, DOESN'T IT? 172 00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,915 IT'S THE KIND OF PLACE THE WHOLE FAMILY 173 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,351 WILL ENJOY COMING TO TO PAY THEIR LAST RESPECTS, 174 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:42,819 AND THAT IN TURN, MAKES THE PROCESS OF MOURNING 175 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,487 JUST PLAIN EASIER ON EVERYONE. 176 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,855 NOW, ISN'T THAT A NICE IDEA, PA? 177 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:52,061 WHEN DOES THE BEFOREHAND STUFF COME IN? 178 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,698 THAT'S... THAT'S VERY SMART, SIR. 179 00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,499 THE BEFOREHAND PART 180 00:10:57,523 --> 00:11:00,536 COMES WITH THE DEATH BENEFITS PACKAGE. 181 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,872 NOW, FOR A SMALL, NOMINAL FEE, 182 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,241 WE PAY AT THE TIME OF DEMISE, 183 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,776 FULL FUNERAL EXPENSES, 184 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,680 PLUS A DEATH BENEFIT OF $10,000 CASH. 185 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,848 THAT WAY, YOU KNOW YOUR LOVED ONES 186 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,350 ARE GOING TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BEFOREHAND. 187 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,818 HOW NOMINAL? 188 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,620 $500 BUYS EVERYTHING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. 189 00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,713 $500? THAT'S ALL? 190 00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:32,501 OF COURSE, WE DO HAVE THE EXTENDED DEATH BENEFIT 191 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,470 OF $20,000. 192 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:38,174 AND THAT'LL ONLY COST YOU 750. 193 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:43,012 $750 BUYS YOU $20,000? 194 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,247 NO. YOU'RE BOTH COVERED. 195 00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,805 SO WE'RE TALKING $40,000. 196 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,687 OHH. 197 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,756 OH, WELL. 198 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:57,059 WE CAN'T SAY NO TO THAT, CAN WE? 199 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,160 WE'LL DO IT. 200 00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:01,731 GREAT. I'LL DRAW UP THE PAPERWORK. 201 00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,833 OF COURSE, WE'LL HAVE TO SEE IT FIRST. 202 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,435 SEE? 203 00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:07,937 SEE WHAT THE CEMETERY PLOT LOOKS LIKE. 204 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,573 WE LIKE TO SEE A THING WORK BEFORE WE BUY IT. 205 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:14,610 WELL, IT, UM, IT LOOKS PRETTY MUCH LIKE THIS. 206 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:18,503 CAN'T BUY NOTHING TILL WE SEE IT FIRST. 207 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,620 OK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. 208 00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,622 I'M GOING TO SUBMIT YOUR PAPERWORK WITH THE PAYMENT, 209 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,923 AND I'M GOING TO COME BACK TOMORROW, 210 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,058 I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU THERE MYSELF. 211 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,525 HOW DOES THAT SOUND? 212 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,027 SURE THING. 213 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,063 I EXPECT YOU'D LIKE ME AND MA TO GO DOWNSTAIRS 214 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,064 AND GET YOU SOME MONEY. 215 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,399 YOU TAKE CASH? 216 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,802 I PREFER CASH. IT SPEEDS UP THE PROCESS. 217 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:42,727 WELL, WE WON'T BE BUT A MINUTE. 218 00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,542 AHH. 219 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,511 YOU WANT SOME COFFEE OR SOMETHING? 220 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,512 YEAH. 221 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,180 IF YOU'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD ALL DAY, 222 00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:55,406 I EXPECT YOU COULD USE A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP. 223 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,153 COME ON NOW, MA! 224 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:02,491 WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP THE YOUNG MAN! 225 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,248 COMING, PA. 226 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,426 HMMM. 227 00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:24,646 AAH AAH! 228 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,971 OH OH! 229 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,229 I'M AFRAID YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE! 230 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,463 UNH! 231 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,455 HA HA HA HA! 232 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,676 I SAY WE KILL HIM NOW. 233 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,745 I WON'T LET YOU DO IT, PA. 234 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:57,779 DAMN IT, WOMAN. 235 00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:58,981 I'M TIRED OF YOU ARGUING WITH ME. 236 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,484 IF I WANT HIM DEAD, HE'S DEAD! 237 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,418 AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT! 238 00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:04,453 DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME, OLD MAN, 239 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,588 OR I'LL HAVE HIDE. 240 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,624 BESIDES, IT WOULDN'T BE POLITE TO KILL HIM 241 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:11,026 UNTIL HE WAKES UP. 242 00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:14,096 ANYWAY, I THINK WYNONA SHOULD HAVE A LOOK AT HIM FIRST. 243 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,031 OH, GET OFF OF IT. 244 00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:19,201 HE AIN'T GONNA WANT HER. 245 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,470 AIN'T NOBODY IN WYNONA'S WHOLE UGLY 246 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,672 GODDAMN LIFE EVER WANTED HER. 247 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,641 I'D LIKE HER TO BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. 248 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,844 HELL. IF SHE DO WANT HIM, I DON'T. 249 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,847 I DON'T WANT NO GODDAMN SALESMAN IN THE FAMILY. 250 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,717 NOBODY CARES WHO YOU WANT IN THIS FAMILY. 251 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:37,720 BESIDES, ONLY SALESMEN EVER COME TO THIS PLACE. 252 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:41,123 AND THIS ONE SEEMED ESPECIALLY NICE. 253 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:43,426 OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. 254 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:44,726 AND IF THIS IS WYNONA'S ONLY CHANCE 255 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,962 AT A LITTLE HAPPINESS, 256 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,963 THEN I'M WANT TO GIVE IT TO HER. 257 00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,699 WELL, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN 258 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,736 'CAUSE HE AIN'T GONNA WANT HER. 259 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,805 HEY, YOU! WAKE UP! 260 00:14:56,829 --> 00:15:00,009 WAKE UP, DAMN IT! 261 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,877 AARGH! 262 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,845 HE'S UP! 263 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,514 PLEASE LET ME GO. 264 00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:06,548 WHY? 265 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:09,051 SO'S YOU CAN RUN OFF TO THE POLICE... 266 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,519 TELL THEM ALL ABOUT US? 267 00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,421 NO. I WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. 268 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,257 I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHO THOSE OTHER GUYS ARE. 269 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:17,760 WELL, THEY'RE SALESMEN, LIKE YOU. 270 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:21,229 LIKE THAT GUY WHAT SOLD US THE CRUMMY MICROWAVE... 271 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,431 DIDN'T WORK. 272 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:25,233 AND THE VACUUM! AND THE COLOR TV! 273 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,125 WASN'T NO COLOR TV TILL I FIXED IT! 274 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,666 NOW IT'S A COLOR TV! 275 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,447 GAH! 276 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,482 REALLY... 277 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:41,950 I WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. 278 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:43,385 YOU CAN LET ME GO. 279 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:46,588 AND WHY WOULD I TRUST YOU? 280 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,690 YOU'RE A SALESMAN, 281 00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,459 AND A SALESMAN AIN'T NOTHING BUT A THIEF 282 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,296 TRYING SUCKERING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY 283 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,933 MAKING THEM BUY THINGS THEY NEITHER WANT NOR NEED! 284 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,802 WELL, WE'VE BEEN TOOK ONE TIME TOO MANY, 285 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:02,671 AND IF WE HAVE TO KILL EVERY LAST GODDAMN SALESMAN 286 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:05,474 ON THE GODDAMN PLANET, SO BET IT! 287 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,809 NOW, DON'T YOU GET TOO EXCITED, PA. 288 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,244 WE AIN'T DOING NOTHING 289 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:12,315 TILL WYNONA SEES HIM FIRST. 290 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,942 DAMN GIRL'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. 291 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,378 COME ALONG, MA. 292 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,388 GODDAMN GIRL. 293 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,183 ARE YOU... 294 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,806 WYNONA? 295 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,854 WYNONA'S SUCH A NICE NAME. 296 00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:55,690 MY... MY MOTHER'S NAME WAS WYNONA, 297 00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,493 AND SHE WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL. 298 00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,062 YOU PLAY THAT VERY WELL. 299 00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:02,797 ANYONE EVER TELL YOU THAT? 300 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:05,834 HOW, UH, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 301 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,371 OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT WHEN I HEAR IT. 302 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,041 WHY DON'T COME ON OVER HERE 303 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,410 WHERE I CAN SEE YOU? 304 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,746 MAYBE I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME. 305 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:20,015 HEH HEH HEH. I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE CASE AT ALL. 306 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:24,586 I THINK YOU WANT ME TO SEE YOU VERY MUCH. 307 00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:28,624 YOU KNOW, I HARDLY KNOW YOU, WYNONA. 308 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,127 BUT I CAN HEAR YOUR LONELINESS. 309 00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,761 I KNOW THAT LONELINESS. 310 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,964 IT SITS ON MY SHOULDER AND IT PECKS AT MY HEART. 311 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,000 IS THAT HOW YOU FEEL, WYNONA? 312 00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,734 YOU SURE DO TALK PRETTY. 313 00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:43,105 LET'S YOU AND ME HAVE A TALK THEN, FACE TO FACE. 314 00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,407 O.K... 315 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:47,609 FACE TO FACE. 316 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,610 OH! 317 00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,501 YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. 318 00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:58,909 THE LAST THING I AM IS BEAUTIFUL. 319 00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:04,459 WHAT IS BEAUTY, ANYWAY? 320 00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:07,195 THE MONA LISA HAS NOTHING ON YOU. 321 00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:10,232 WHAT IS THAT, UM, THAT PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING? 322 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,734 NOT WEARING ANY. 323 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,328 I AIN'T WASHED IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. 324 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,978 THAT IS SO... 325 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,613 EARTHY. 326 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,315 I LOVE IT. 327 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,450 THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. 328 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,786 I'VE FALLEN HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH YOU. 329 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:33,989 YOU DON'T LOVE ME. 330 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,490 NO, I DO. I DO. 331 00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,459 JUST TAKE THESE OFF AND LET ME PROVE IT. 332 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,594 I DON'T HAVE THE KEYS. 333 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,163 AND EVEN IF'N I DID... 334 00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,165 YOU GOT TO LET ME PROVE IT. 335 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,300 IF YOU DON'T LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU, 336 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,490 I SWEAR I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY. 337 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,365 YOU REALLY THINK I'M LIKE THE MONA LISA? 338 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,653 WHO CARES WHY THE MONA LISA'S SMILING THAT WAY? 339 00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:07,756 I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOU SMILE. 340 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:11,160 I WANT TO DEDICATE MYSELF... 341 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:15,230 OH, THIS IS SO... LOVELY. 342 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,967 I HATE THIS ROOM. I HATE THIS WHOLE HOUSE. 343 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,068 UH. 344 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,137 YOU KNOW, IT'S STRANGE HOW I FEEL NOW. 345 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,039 GIDDY, LIKE A KID. 346 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,340 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 347 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,943 I WANT TO SEE THESE "LOVE FEELINGS." 348 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,845 THE KIND OF LOVE I'M TALKING ABOUT IS DIFFERENT. 349 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,680 IT'S DEEPER. 350 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,782 ACTION'S ALL I BELIEVE IN. 351 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,818 THIS LOVE TALK IS VERY NICE, 352 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:39,210 BUT THE BODY NEVER LIES. 353 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:46,128 NOW! 354 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,197 LET'S SEE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME! 355 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,364 I SWEAR I LOVE YOU. 356 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,228 ISN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH? 357 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,907 YOU STILL LOVE ME? 358 00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:31,661 SO, SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME. 359 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,116 COURSE IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME, 360 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,751 I'LL JUST HAVE TO GIVE YOU BACK TO PA 361 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:43,919 AND LET HIM DEAL WITH YOU. 362 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,188 I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. 363 00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:49,257 YEAH. 364 00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:50,459 I DIDN'T THINK... 365 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,360 WAIT. 366 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:08,076 WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED. 367 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,012 I THINK YOU DO LOVE ME. 368 00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,611 AHH. 369 00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:24,448 AHH. 370 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,196 AH. 371 00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:29,220 OH. 372 00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,775 AHH. 373 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,365 AHH. AHH. 374 00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:56,991 THAT WAS... 375 00:21:57,015 --> 00:21:58,827 AMAZING. 376 00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:00,595 THAT WAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE SEX 377 00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:01,863 I'VE EVER HAD. 378 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,265 WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT? 379 00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,501 ALL THOSE SALESMEN. 380 00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:08,970 EXCEPT NONE OF THEM DID WHAT YOU DID. 381 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:12,507 OR LIKE YOU DID. 382 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,009 YOU DO LOVE ME, DON'T YOU? 383 00:22:15,033 --> 00:22:18,480 LIKE YOU SAID, THE BODY NEVER LIES. 384 00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,682 THE QUESTION IS, 385 00:22:20,706 --> 00:22:22,484 DO YOU LOVE ME? 386 00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,353 OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU. 387 00:22:24,377 --> 00:22:26,455 I AIN'T GONNA LET MY DADDY HURT YOU, 388 00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:28,056 IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT. 389 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:31,326 I WANT TO MARRY YOU. 390 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,127 IF WE GOT MARRIED, 391 00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:34,830 YOU'D GET MY DOWRY, 392 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:35,997 AND THEY'D LET YOU GO, 393 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,333 AND WE COULD RUN AWAY AND BE HAPPY TOGETHER. 394 00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,201 I HATE IT HERE. 395 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:43,372 MA AND PA TREAT ME SO MEAN. 396 00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,741 DID YOU SAY DOWRY? 397 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:48,844 YEAH. 398 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,680 PA'S GOT IT BURIED IN THE BASEMENT. 399 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:55,049 IT'S THE MONEY FROM ALL THOSE SALESMEN. 400 00:22:55,073 --> 00:22:58,487 IT MUST BE $40-, $50,000. 401 00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:00,021 YES. 402 00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,857 YES, LET'S... 403 00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,358 LET'S GET MARRIED. 404 00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:14,269 MA! PA! 405 00:23:14,293 --> 00:23:16,026 I'M GETTIN' HITCHED! 406 00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:21,243 UHH. 407 00:23:21,267 --> 00:23:23,746 YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS THING? 408 00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:24,913 ABSOLUTELY. 409 00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:27,750 I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER. 410 00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:30,274 AND I LOVE HIM, PA. 411 00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:35,324 LET'S GET THIS STARTED. 412 00:23:35,348 --> 00:23:38,493 AREN'T WE GONNA HAVE A PREACHER? 413 00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:40,083 PA IS A PREACHER. 414 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,232 DO YOU, JUDD CAMPBELL, 415 00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:46,635 TAKE MY DAUGHTER, WYNONA BRACKETT, 416 00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:48,858 TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE? 417 00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:53,308 I DO. 418 00:23:53,332 --> 00:23:55,210 AND DO YOU, WYNONA, 419 00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:59,514 TAKE THIS MAN TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND? 420 00:23:59,538 --> 00:24:02,317 YOU BET I DO, PA. 421 00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:04,274 LET'S HAVE THE RING, MA. 422 00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,624 THANK YOU. 423 00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:12,160 IF YOU'LL PLACE THIS RING ON WYNONA'S... 424 00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:13,628 WAIT A MINUTE, PA. 425 00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:16,097 AIN'T YOU GONNA TAKE THESE HANDCUFFS OFF? 426 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,300 HE'S MARRYING ME. 427 00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:19,634 YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE 428 00:24:19,658 --> 00:24:21,336 WALKING AROUND WITH THESE THINGS ON? 429 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,604 SHE'S RIGHT, PA. 430 00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,573 IF'N HE'S WILLING TO MARRY HER, 431 00:24:24,597 --> 00:24:26,074 IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO. 432 00:24:26,098 --> 00:24:29,600 WELL, I GUESS. 433 00:24:34,507 --> 00:24:36,952 NO. I AIN'T GONNA. 434 00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:38,487 I'LL MARRY HIM TO YOU, 435 00:24:38,511 --> 00:24:39,621 BUT THAT'S AS FAR AS IT GOES. 436 00:24:39,645 --> 00:24:41,323 BUT... 437 00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:42,858 PA. 438 00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:44,993 IT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS, WYNONA. 439 00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,728 I'M STILL GOING TO HAVE TO SHOOT HIM. 440 00:24:46,752 --> 00:24:49,331 HE'S A SALESMAN. HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED. 441 00:24:49,355 --> 00:24:51,500 DAMN YOU, PA! 442 00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:53,602 IT'S MY FIRST CHANCE OF HAPPINESS I GOT. 443 00:24:53,626 --> 00:24:55,770 AND YOU AIN'T GONNA KILL THAT. 444 00:24:55,794 --> 00:24:56,874 NO! 445 00:24:58,430 --> 00:24:59,929 PRIN-PRINCESS. 446 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:04,046 WYNONA! 447 00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:05,702 WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WYNONA? 448 00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:13,377 WYNONA, YOU KILLED HIM! 449 00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:17,593 UNH. UHH. 450 00:25:17,617 --> 00:25:18,782 WHOA! 451 00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:36,666 LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU, DARLIN'. 452 00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:46,343 NOW, LET'S GO GET THAT DOWRY! 453 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:14,583 HERE'S WHERE IT IS. 454 00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:16,050 GREAT. 455 00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:18,420 OH! BY THE WAY, I HAVE A LITTLE 456 00:26:18,444 --> 00:26:20,088 WEDDING PRESENT FOR YOU, MY LOVE. 457 00:26:20,112 --> 00:26:21,678 AH. 458 00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,320 UGLY BITCH. 459 00:26:36,262 --> 00:26:38,228 UHH. 460 00:26:46,505 --> 00:26:47,971 UHH. 461 00:26:58,651 --> 00:27:00,584 WHAT THE HELL? 462 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:10,939 YOU FIND SOMETHING DOWN THERE, YOUNG MAN? 463 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:12,540 YOU KNOW, MA. 464 00:27:12,564 --> 00:27:14,443 THE YOUNG MAN'S RIGHT. 465 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:19,402 THIS SURE IS A MIGHTY NICE CEMETERY PLOT. 466 00:27:21,673 --> 00:27:23,552 BUT I... BUT... 467 00:27:23,576 --> 00:27:26,087 THE VIEW AIN'T MUCH, 468 00:27:26,111 --> 00:27:27,956 BUT I THINK HE'LL REST IN PEACE 469 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:29,658 JUST THE SAME. 470 00:27:29,682 --> 00:27:31,147 WYNONA? 471 00:27:32,350 --> 00:27:34,718 YOU GOING TO PAY YOUR RESPECTS OR WHAT? 472 00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:46,241 I SURE HOPE I CAN GET THIS FAKE BLOOD 473 00:27:46,265 --> 00:27:47,809 OUT OF MY DRESS. 474 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,045 OH, JUST THROW IT IN THE NEW WASHING MACHINE 475 00:27:50,069 --> 00:27:52,435 THAT OTHER NICE SALESMAN BROUGHT US. 476 00:27:55,707 --> 00:27:58,920 HA HA HA. 477 00:27:58,944 --> 00:28:00,521 YOU... 478 00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:02,290 YOU LIED TO ME, ALL OF YOU. 479 00:28:02,314 --> 00:28:03,525 LIED? 480 00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:08,463 NOW, THAT AIN'T A NICE THING TO SAY. 481 00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:12,033 BESIDES, 'TWEREN'T NO LIE AT ALL. 482 00:28:12,057 --> 00:28:14,502 NO, SIR. 483 00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:17,205 IT'S CALLED... 484 00:28:17,229 --> 00:28:20,708 HA HA HA HA... 485 00:28:20,732 --> 00:28:23,066 SALESMANSHIP! 486 00:28:27,239 --> 00:28:32,721 GOOD OLD JUDD. JUST ANOTHER SATISFIED GHOST-IMER. 487 00:28:32,745 --> 00:28:35,023 I GUESS IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY. 488 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:39,060 THE FAMILY THAT SLAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER. 489 00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:41,429 AHH HA HA HA HA! 490 00:28:41,453 --> 00:28:44,699 WE COME NOW TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE ITEMS... 491 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,335 THE AMAZING CRYPT KEEPER SLASH-O-MATIC. 492 00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:49,237 IT'S MORE THAN JUST A KNIFE, 493 00:28:49,261 --> 00:28:51,707 IT PEELS, IT CUTS, MAKES FABULOUS FRENCH FRIES. 494 00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:53,474 IT SLICES, IT DICES, IT... 495 00:28:54,499 --> 00:28:55,632 UGH. 496 00:28:57,669 --> 00:29:00,648 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 497 00:29:00,672 --> 00:29:03,792 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE... www.ncicap.org... 32934

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