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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,735 --> 00:00:03,736 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 2 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:19,744 AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! 3 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:35,338 SOMETIMES LIFE CAN BE SUCH A GRIND. 4 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,440 KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 5 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:40,176 THAT'S WHY I LIKE TO GET OUT EVERY NOW AND THEN 6 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,212 AND SWING A LITTLE. 7 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,346 AAH! 8 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,682 SO MUCH FOR HIS FAMILY TREE. 9 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,818 HA HA HA HA HA HA! 10 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,821 TONIGHT'S TALE CONCERNS A YOUNG WOMAN 11 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,557 WHO'S ABOUT TO DO A LITTLE SWINGING OF HER OWN. 12 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:58,194 SHE WANTS TO PROVE THAT A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND, 13 00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:00,896 BUT EASY TO GET RID OF. 14 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,834 I THINK YOU'LL LIKE THIS LITTLE CHOPPING SPREE 15 00:02:03,858 --> 00:02:07,692 I CALL SPLIT SECOND. 16 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,247 HEY. 17 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,394 Liz: I'D BEEN STRANDED FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS 18 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,996 UP IN THE NORTH WOODS 19 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,899 WHEN I TOOK A JOB WAITING TABLES AT THE CUMMINGS SALOON. 20 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,122 4 UP. 21 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:45,508 I WAS TRYING TO SAVE UP FOR A BUS TICKET OUT. 22 00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,245 THE MONEY WAS TERRIBLE. AND MOST OF THE TIPS I GOT 23 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,003 WEREN'T THE KIND YOU COULD STICK IN A BANK. 24 00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:56,019 4 ROUNDS IN 20 MINUTES. 25 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,754 WHAT, IS THIS A SLOW NIGHT, GUYS? 26 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,523 CAN'T YOU HOLD YOUR DRINK ANYMORE? 27 00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,893 LIZ, YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT DOING STAND-UP? 28 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:06,451 THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT I WAS DOING. 29 00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,534 WATCH THIS. 30 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,036 I'M GONNA TAKE A BREAK, RAY. 31 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:16,540 HEY, HOW ABOUT GOING IN MY TRUCK? 32 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,475 I GOT SHEEPSKINS. 33 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,510 I THOUGHT YOU LIKED THEM BETTER 34 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,012 WHEN THEY WERE STILL ALIVE, BANJO. 35 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,981 YOU SAYIN' YOU DON'T WANT TO? 36 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,517 I'M SAYING JUST 'CAUSE WE GOT FRIENDLY ONCE 37 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,486 DON'T MEAN I CARE TO MAKE A HABIT OF IT. 38 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:30,954 WHO YOU KIDDIN', LIZ? 39 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,522 IF I GOT YOU DRUNK ENOUGH, 40 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,124 I'D HAVE YOU OUT IN MY TRUCK IN NO TIME. 41 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,526 THAT'S REALLY SWEET OF YOU, BANJO. 42 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,962 LET'S SAVE THE HALLMARK MOMENT FOR ANOTHER TIME. 43 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,296 HEY, HEY, HEY. 44 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,798 LET'S GO FOR A RIDE. 45 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,066 YOU GOT 10 MINUTES BEFORE YOU GOT TO BE BACK, 46 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:47,904 MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO REAPPLY YOUR LIPSTICK, BABY. 47 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,539 YOU... 48 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,541 THE LADY'S NOT INTERESTED. 49 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,064 YOU GOT THAT? 50 00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,413 FUCK OFF, DIXON! 51 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,815 DROP THE KNIFE. 52 00:03:58,839 --> 00:03:59,883 DROP IT! 53 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,851 AAH. 54 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:05,789 THIS HOW YOU WANT TO DIE, SHITHEEL? 55 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,491 Liz: I WASN'T EXACTLY LOOKING FOR A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, 56 00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,994 BUT I DID LIKE BEING FOUGHT OVER. 57 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,296 THOSE DAYS, I WAS GETTING OFFENDED 58 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,398 A LOT MORE THAN I WAS GETTING DEFENDED. 59 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,235 APOLOGIZE TO THE LADY. 60 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,604 I'M SORRY, MA'AM. 61 00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,439 Dixon: GOOD BOY. 62 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,197 NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. 63 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,047 HE DIDN'T HURT YOU, DID HE, MA'AM? 64 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,016 NO. 65 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,252 THAT WAS NICE OF YOU. 66 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,642 THANKS. 67 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,947 CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK? 68 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:55,371 AFTER A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND A SLOW DANCE, 69 00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:58,041 HE WANTED ME TO BE HIS WIFE. 70 00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,809 SAID HE HAD MONEY 71 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:03,546 AND THAT HE'D TAKE CARE OF ME. 72 00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:06,215 I WAS GLAD HE DIDN'T USE THE "L" WORD. 73 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,716 IT'S NO COINCIDENCE 74 00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:11,821 IT'S THE SAME LETTER THAT STARTS THE WORD "LIE." 75 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:15,591 I FIGURED, WHAT THE HELL... 76 00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:18,116 AND SAID YES. 77 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,047 STEVE HAD MONEY, ALL RIGHT, 78 00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:39,682 AND A BIG HOUSE UP ON THE MOUNTAIN, 79 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,085 RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS LUMBER CAMP. 80 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,488 HE MADE LOVE LIKE A MOUNTAIN MAN, 81 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,290 WHICH I KIND OF LIKED. 82 00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,926 AND IN THE MORNING WHEN HE GOT UP TO GO TO WORK, 83 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:55,365 I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, "I JUST MIGHT BE HAPPY HERE." 84 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:58,601 SAYS YOU. SAYS YOU. 85 00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,603 I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. 86 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,771 WHAT'S THAT? 87 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,540 MY GRANDDADDY USED TO DO THIS WORK... 88 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,277 WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO 89 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,346 ABOUT THE ANNUAL TOURNAMENT THIS YEAR? 90 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,014 NOW THAT WOLF'S GONE, WE GOT NOBODY 91 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,016 TO PUT ON THE WOOD-CHOPPING CONTEST. 92 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,284 SNAZ, YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT... 93 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,619 HEY, ARTIE, I'M TALKING HERE. 94 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,788 SOMEONE JUST SAID THAT DIXON GOT MARRIED LAST NIGHT 95 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,857 TO ONE OF THE WAITRESSES DOWN AT CUMMINGS' PLACE. 96 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,426 OH, GET OUTTA HERE. DIXON AIN'T THE MARRYING KIND. 97 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,961 I KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING. 98 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:27,297 SAID HE WENT OFF AND GOT HITCHED TO LIZ KELLY. 99 00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,366 YEAH. HER? NO! 100 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,669 WOW. WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW DIXON 101 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,170 WAS INTO SLOPPY SECONDS. 102 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,642 MORNING, GUYS. 103 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,978 HEY, MR. DIXON! HEH HEH. 104 00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,013 I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU ALL KNOW 105 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,315 THAT AS OF NEXT WEEK WE'LL BE MOVING OVER 106 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,984 TO THE NORTH SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN. 107 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,152 THE NORTH SIDE? 108 00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,853 THERE'S HARDLY ANYTHING OVER THERE. 109 00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,188 I KNOW IT, SNAZ, 110 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,522 BUT THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' I CAN DO. 111 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,524 THOSE GODDAMN ENVIRONMENTALISTS 112 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:58,695 ARE TRYING TO PROTECT SOME FUCKIN' MOTH OR SOMETHING. 113 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,998 EITHER I LAY YOU GUYS OFF OR WE MOVE OVER THERE. 114 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,666 WE APPRECIATE THAT, MR. DIXON. 115 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,301 BUT IT STILL DON'T HARDLY SEEM FAIR. 116 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,736 THAT THE ONLY NEWS YOU GOT FOR US, MR. D? 117 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,238 THERE'S A RUMOR GOING AROUND CAMP 118 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,408 YOU WENT OFF AND GOT YOURSELF MARRIED. 119 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,977 CHRIST. WORD TRAVELS FAST, DON'T IT? 120 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,079 HOLY SHIT! YOU SAYING IT'S TRUE? 121 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,581 WHAT CAN I TELL YOU? 122 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,350 ALL RIGHT! 123 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,085 DOES THAT MEAN WE THROWIN' OUT THE RULE 124 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,353 ABOUT NO WOMEN? 125 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,854 I MEAN, I COULD USE SOMETHING AROUND HERE 126 00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,856 TO KEEP ME WARM BESIDES THESE PRICKS. 127 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,858 THE RULE STANDS, GUYS. 128 00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:32,094 NO WOMEN AROUND HERE EXCEPT MY WIFE. 129 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,863 WOMEN CAN BE TROUBLE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS. 130 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,800 HELL, WOMEN ARE TROUBLE, PERIOD. 131 00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:40,270 Liz: STEVE, HONEY. 132 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:41,537 OH, THERE YOU ARE. 133 00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:44,295 YOUR BREAKFAST IS READY. 134 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,478 WHAT THE HELL YOU WEARING? 135 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:50,479 WHAT? 136 00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,883 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? 137 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,818 I DON'T WANT YOU IN HERE EVER, YOU HEAR ME? 138 00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,654 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE GUYS ARE LIKE. 139 00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,478 FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, STEVE. 140 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:04,127 LOOK, I TOLD YOU TO DO SOMETHING, NOW DO IT. 141 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,963 I DON'T WANT THESE SONS OF BITCHES STARING AT YOU. 142 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,487 SURE, STEVE, WHATEVER YOU SAY. 143 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,672 I DON'T WANT YOU SHITHEADS STARING AT HER, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? 144 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:18,074 AND YOU'D BETTER ACT LIKE FUCKIN' GENTLEMEN 145 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,843 WHEN THE LADY'S AROUND. 146 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,577 SOME LADY. 147 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,247 SHE USED TO SELL HER MOUTH FOR A NICKEL. 148 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:33,778 SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND? 149 00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,360 I DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN'. 150 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,429 THAT'S GOOD. I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY 151 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,265 MY WIFE SUCKED COCK. 152 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:49,539 WIND PLAYS TRICKS ON YOU. 153 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,429 YOU CAN HEAR SHIT. 154 00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,415 YAH! 155 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,817 Man: HEY, HEY, HEY! 156 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,274 AAH! 157 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,461 THIS WHAT YOU SAID MY WIFE DID? 158 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:13,920 HUH?! 159 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,200 MR. DIXON, HE CAN'T BREATHE. 160 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,302 LET HIM GO! HE WAS JUST KIDDING. 161 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,705 NOBODY KIDS ABOUT MY WIFE. 162 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:30,013 YOU ASSHOLES UNDERSTAND? 163 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,837 EVERYBODY, GET TO WORK! 164 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,824 Liz: WHAT IS IT ABOUT MEN? 165 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,826 WHEN THEY WANT YOU THE FIRST TIME, 166 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,861 THEY DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY THINKS OF YOU, 167 00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:48,865 BUT AS SOON AS THEY THINK OF YOU AS THEIRS, 168 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:52,368 THEY WANT YOU AS PURE AS THE FUCKING MADONNA. 169 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,073 WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THE MEANING OF THAT? 170 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,943 I DON'T WANT THEM STARING AT YOU. 171 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,445 YOU'RE MY WIFE, GODDAMN IT. 172 00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,113 WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, 173 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,017 THAT ONE OF THEM MIGHT FUCK BETTER THAN YOU CAN? 174 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,493 Liz: IT WASN'T THE FIRST TIME A MAN HAD SCREWED ME 175 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,696 BECAUSE HE WAS JEALOUS. 176 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,365 BUT IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD HATED IT. 177 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:27,036 AND I FELT THE BOREDOM COMING BACK. 178 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,371 I CAN TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE, 179 00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:32,709 THERE'S NOTHING IN THE WORLD WORSE THAN BOREDOM. 180 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,377 ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 181 00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:36,879 FOR A WHILE AFTER THAT, 182 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,048 THE MEN WERE AFRAID TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE ME. 183 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,883 THERE WERE A LOT OF THEM DONE A LOT MORE 184 00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:43,219 THAN ACKNOWLEDGE ME IN THE PAST. 185 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,222 THE WHOLE MARRIAGE THING HAD WORN THIN IN RECORD TIME. 186 00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,503 SORRY TO BOTHER YOU SO EARLY, MA'AM. 187 00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,705 MY NAME'S TED... MORGAN. 188 00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,908 I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB. 189 00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:08,978 WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A FUCKIN' EMPLOYMENT AGENCY? 190 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,480 WELL, NO, MA'AM. 191 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,483 WHAT I MEANT WAS, THIS HERE'S A LOGGING CAMP, ISN'T IT? 192 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:16,452 Dixon: WHO THE HELL IS THAT? 193 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,142 DON'T KNOW. 194 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,330 YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANT? 195 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,765 WELL, SIR, I WAS JUST TELLING YOUR WIFE, 196 00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,234 I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB. 197 00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:34,404 Liz: MAYBE THINGS ARE PICKING UP AROUND HERE. 198 00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:36,439 LOOKS LIKE A CURE FOR BOREDOM 199 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,441 JUST SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP. 200 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,277 Ted: YEAH, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY. 201 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,413 SO, WHERE YOU BEEN? 202 00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:44,947 WELL, AFTER I LEFT DENVER, 203 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,716 I HIKED UP THROUGH THE ROCKIES 204 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,250 TO THE CANADIAN BORDER. 205 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:50,052 YEAH? WHERE YOU GOING FROM HERE? 206 00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,622 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE OVER TO VANCOUVER, 207 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,457 DOWN TO CALIFORNIA. 208 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,358 I'M A LITTLE BROKE AT THE MOMENT. 209 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,561 I CAN ALWAYS USE AN EXTRA HAND AROUND HERE. 210 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,273 LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO. 211 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,809 I'M AFRAID I DON'T CARE FOR THOSE, SIR. 212 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,734 HOW ELSE YOU PLAN TO CUT THESE THINGS DOWN, SON? 213 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,484 GUESS I'M A LITTLE BIT OLD-FASHIONED. 214 00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:25,320 WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO... 215 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,189 SAY THE WORD. 216 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,213 GO. 217 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,569 WHOO! 218 00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,205 YEAH! ATTABOY! 219 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,573 HE'S A SPEED MACHINE! 220 00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,074 OW! OW! 221 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,310 CALL ME UN-AMERICAN, 222 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,380 BUT WATCHING TED CHOP THAT TREE IN HALF... 223 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,581 WOW... 224 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:29,084 IT JUST MADE ME FORGET ALL MY TROUBLES. 225 00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:30,586 AND AT THAT POINT, 226 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,489 I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR A LITTLE EXCITEMENT... 227 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:36,780 OF ONE KIND OR ANOTHER. 228 00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:45,600 WHAT DO YOU THINK, MR. DIXON? 229 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:47,569 DECENT. 230 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,439 DECENT? WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING? KID'S A GODDAMN BEAVER. 231 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,975 FASTEST CHOPPING I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME. 232 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,577 I THINK WE FOUND OURSELVES A RINGER 233 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,012 FOR THE WOOD-CHOPPING CONTEST. 234 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,147 NOBODY'S GONNA GIVE THAT KID A SHOT IN HELL. 235 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,382 AIN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. DIXON? 236 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,684 WHO TOLD YOU ASSHOLES TO STOP WORKING? 237 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,085 GET BACK TO YOUR TREES, NOW! 238 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,788 THIS AIN'T NO FUCKIN' BREAK! 239 00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,925 BUT, MR. DIXON, I DON'T GET IT. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? 240 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,426 I'M WARNING YOU, SNAZ, GET BACK TO WORK 241 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,350 OR I'LL FIRE YOUR FUCKIN' ASS! 242 00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,133 YOU WANT THE JOB, YOU GOT IT. 243 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,802 LET'S GET ONE THING CLEAR. 244 00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,337 THAT TOURNEY BULLSHIT'S ON YOUR TIME, NOT MINE. 245 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,774 ON MY CLOCK, YOU HACK PAY-WOOD. 246 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:25,941 ANY PROBLEMS? 247 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:27,599 NO PROBLEM, SIR. 248 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,919 MRS. DIXON? 249 00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,257 HELLO? 250 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,571 MRS. DIXON? 251 00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:58,473 YES? WHO IS IT? 252 00:14:58,497 --> 00:14:59,975 IT'S TED, MA'AM. 253 00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:02,744 YOU SAID YOU WANTED A BOX MOVED. 254 00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:04,346 WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. 255 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,170 I'M UP HERE, TED. 256 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,477 MRS. DIXON? 257 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,713 YOU IN HERE? 258 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,467 MRS. DIXON? 259 00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:27,436 I'M IN HERE, TED. 260 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,726 MRS. DIXON? 261 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,645 OH, GOD, I'M SORRY. 262 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,814 I CAN'T REACH THE TOWEL, TED... 263 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:39,870 PLEASE? 264 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,223 HERE YOU GO. 265 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,513 THANKS. 266 00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,195 WOULD YOU DRY MY BACK FOR ME? 267 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,564 I DON'T THINK I SHOULD BE IN HERE, MRS. DIXON. 268 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,421 LIZ. 269 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,270 I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU, TED. 270 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:05,474 I JUST WANT YOU TO DRY MY BACK. 271 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,899 MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GET THE FRONT FIRST? 272 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,014 OH, OK, YOU WIN. 273 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:14,483 BACK FIRST. 274 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,085 LISTEN, I'LL COME BACK LATER. 275 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:19,088 I SHOULDN'T BE HERE. MR. DIXON WOULDN'T APPROVE. 276 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,223 DON'T MIND HIM. 277 00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,992 I DON'T. 278 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,261 HE'S MY BOSS, MA'AM. 279 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,229 NO. 280 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,053 I'M YOUR BOSS. 281 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,869 I CAN EVEN GIVE YOU A RAISE. 282 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,305 SHIT. 283 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,866 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 284 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:07,269 I KNOW I SHOULDN'T, BUT... 285 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:10,439 YOU GUYS WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW HOT SHE IS. 286 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,475 SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL. 287 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,079 I'M TELLING YOU FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, MAN, 288 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:18,447 STAY AWAY FROM HER. 289 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:21,450 AH, DON'T LISTEN TO ARTIE. HE'S A FUCKIN' WIMP. 290 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:25,153 I SAY, IF THE PUSSY WANTS A FRIEND, 291 00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:26,389 YOU PET IT. 292 00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:31,861 YOU KNOW, MAYBE I OUGHT TO JUST TAKE MY WAGES AND MOVE ON. 293 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,130 AH, SHIT, DON'T LET THAT POCKET CLIMAX DRIVE YOU AWAY FROM HERE. 294 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,199 SHE AIN'T WORTH IT. 295 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:41,037 BESIDES, MAN, WE NEED YOU IF WE GONNA WIN THAT TOURNAMENT. 296 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:45,229 COME ON. WHAT DO YOU SAY? 297 00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,177 WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT? 298 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,646 HA HA! I LOVE THIS KID! 299 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:54,072 HERE'S TO TEDDY BOY, OUR ACE IN THE HOLE. 300 00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,821 I WANT TO KNOW 301 00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:03,781 WHICH ONE OF YOU HAS BEEN FUCKIN' MY WIFE. 302 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:09,398 AIN'T NOBODY BEEN FUCKIN' YOUR WIFE, MR. DIXON. 303 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,034 BULLSHIT! 304 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,471 I FOUND ONE OF YOUR WORK GLOVES 305 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:20,042 IN MY BEDROOM! 306 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:21,944 SURE IT AIN'T ONE OF YOURS? 307 00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,035 WAS IT YOU? 308 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,951 YOU SEEM TO KNOW AN AWFUL LOT ABOUT HER. 309 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,453 IT WASN'T ARTIE THAT MADE THAT CRACK ABOUT YOUR WIFE 310 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,823 THE OTHER DAY, MR. DIXON. IT WAS ME. 311 00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,724 YOU SON OF A BITCH! 312 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,660 IT AIN'T MY GLOVE, MR. DIXON! 313 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,362 IT AIN'T ARTIE'S! IT AIN'T TED'S! IT AIN'T ANYBODY'S! 314 00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:43,132 FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF. 315 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:46,868 YOU WERE A HELL OF A GUY BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED. 316 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,893 THAT WOMAN'S DRIVING YOU CRAZY. 317 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:55,166 LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. 318 00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,283 YOU THINK THE LONE WOLF IS STILL OPEN? 319 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,551 ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. 320 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,386 I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GO WITH YOU GUYS. 321 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,887 WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER? 322 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:10,281 I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT. 323 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,042 GOING SOMEWHERE? 324 00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,245 Liz: HE WAS SO EASY. MEN ALWAYS ARE. 325 00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,247 EVEN THE ONES WHO ALWAYS WANT TO BE ON TOP 326 00:19:32,271 --> 00:19:33,748 JUST LOVE BEING SEDUCED. 327 00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:36,707 IS IT SOMETHING I SAID... OR DID? 328 00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:43,291 YOU KNOW, TED, WHEN MY HUSBAND FOUND THAT GLOVE, 329 00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,594 I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HIM. 330 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,697 I SWORE TO GOD I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING, 331 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,765 BUT HE JUST WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME. 332 00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:52,101 MRS. DIXON, PLEASE. 333 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,369 COME ON, TED, I'M NOT ASKING FOR MUCH. 334 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,271 IF I HAVE TO, I'LL TELL HIM WHOSE GLOVE IT IS. 335 00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:57,595 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 336 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,044 I CAN'T DO THIS. 337 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,612 SURE YOU CAN. IT'S EASY. 338 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,448 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LAY BACK. 339 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:09,251 I'LL DO ALL THE HARD WORK. 340 00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,120 IT'S NOT RIGHT. 341 00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,743 FUCK WHAT'S RIGHT. 342 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,899 I WANT YOU SO BAD, LIZZIE. 343 00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,903 YOU WANT IT, DON'T YOU? 344 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,305 OH, GOD. 345 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,512 YEAH. 346 00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,614 IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? 347 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,605 IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? 348 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,342 UHH! 349 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,762 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 350 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,097 OHH! 351 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:58,155 OHH! 352 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,039 YOU WANT IT. YOU WANT IT SO BAD, DON'T YOU? 353 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,507 YEAH. 354 00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,544 HUH? OH! 355 00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,446 YOU SON OF A BITCH! 356 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:13,215 HE FORCED ME! HE MADE ME! 357 00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:15,484 SHE'S LYING, MR. DIXON! SHE CAME HERE TO SEDUCE ME! 358 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,486 AAH! 359 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,521 YAH! 360 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:22,157 YAH! 361 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,248 YAH! 362 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,086 YAH! 363 00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:06,401 AARRRRR! 364 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:07,403 Liz: CUT HIM! 365 00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,093 AAH! 366 00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:14,076 Liz: IT WAS THE LAST THING I WANTED, 367 00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:17,079 ESPECIALLY SINCE THE DOC SAID IT WAS PERMANENT. 368 00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,781 BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, CRY ABOUT IT? 369 00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:23,085 MAYBE IT'S BETTER TO BE BLIND, ANYWAY. 370 00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:25,087 THE WORLD'S AN UGLY PLACE. 371 00:22:25,111 --> 00:22:26,955 HEY, KID. 372 00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:29,713 IT'S ME. SNAZ. 373 00:22:33,286 --> 00:22:36,598 YOU'RE GONNA BE OK, YOU UNDERSTAND? 374 00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:39,901 WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET THIS GET YOU DOWN. 375 00:22:39,925 --> 00:22:41,937 NOSIRREE. WE ARE NOT. 376 00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:42,938 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 377 00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:45,607 SIT UP. YOU'RE COMING WITH ME. 378 00:22:45,631 --> 00:22:47,109 COME ON. 379 00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:48,444 OOP. WATCH YOURSELF. 380 00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,812 HERE. YOU'RE GONNA HELP US WIN THAT TOURNAMENT. 381 00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:54,116 HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO THAT, SEEING AS I'M BLIND? 382 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,085 YEAH, BUT YOU'RE A NATURAL. 383 00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:57,453 WE'RE JUST GONNA TEACH YOU 384 00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:59,776 A FEW NEW JOB SKILLS, THAT'S ALL. 385 00:23:03,816 --> 00:23:05,760 YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE THESE THINGS. 386 00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:08,630 HEY, HEY, HEY, YOU'RE GONNA LEARN TO LOVE IT, BUDDY. 387 00:23:08,654 --> 00:23:12,468 BESIDES, WAIT TILL THEY GET A LOAD OF YOU... 388 00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:14,470 LITTLE STEVIE LUMBER. 389 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,109 COME ON WITH US. YEAH. WE GOT YOU. 390 00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:24,613 WATCHING THE MEN WORK WITH TED BOTHERED ME. 391 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:25,981 WHY WERE THEY SO DETERMINED 392 00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:27,949 TO HAVE HIM IN THEIR SILLY TOURNAMENT? 393 00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:32,020 DIDN'T THEY ALL HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO? 394 00:23:32,044 --> 00:23:33,544 YOU CAN DO IT. 395 00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:42,965 DO IT, TED. 396 00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,333 AMPUTATE. 397 00:23:44,357 --> 00:23:45,968 MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE. 398 00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:48,503 DO IT, TED. AMPUTATE. 399 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:50,005 MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE. 400 00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:51,673 DO IT, TED. AMPUTATE. 401 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,342 MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE. 402 00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:55,010 DO IT, TED. AMPUTATE. 403 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:56,144 MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS MISTAKE. 404 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,847 YEAH, ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, TED. 405 00:23:58,871 --> 00:23:59,948 DO IT, TED-O! 406 00:23:59,972 --> 00:24:01,639 HEY, GO CRAZY, MAN! 407 00:24:07,713 --> 00:24:10,525 YEAH, WHAT IS IT? 408 00:24:10,549 --> 00:24:12,393 MR. DIXON, 409 00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:14,696 TED'S LEARNED A NEW TRICK HE'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU. 410 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,353 I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. 411 00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:20,824 WE'D LIKE YOU TO JOIN US, MR. D. 412 00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:25,006 HEY, TEDDY-BOY. 413 00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:27,041 HEY, THIS AIN'T SO BAD AFTER ALL. 414 00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,043 I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA LOVE IT. 415 00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:31,212 NOW WE GOT SOME BIGGER LOGS FOR YOU TO WORK ON. 416 00:24:31,236 --> 00:24:32,869 YEAH? BRING 'EM ON! 417 00:24:46,585 --> 00:24:48,952 SEE HOW YOU DO WITH THESE. 418 00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:52,400 DO IT, TED-O! 419 00:24:52,424 --> 00:24:53,801 GO CRAZY, MAN! 420 00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:09,417 DO IT, TED-O! 421 00:25:09,441 --> 00:25:10,419 HEY, GO CRAZY, MAN! 422 00:25:10,443 --> 00:25:12,487 HA HA HA HA! 423 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,545 I LOVE THIS KID! 424 00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:21,897 GET 'EM, TED-O, YEAH! 425 00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:26,356 YOU GOT THE OTHER ONE NEXT, BUDDY. YOU GOT THE OTHER ONE NEXT! 426 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,118 HA HA HA HA HA! 427 00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:45,453 HEY, GUYS, I'M GETTIN' PRETTY GOOD AT THIS. 428 00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:48,412 YOU GOT ANY MORE? 429 00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,105 GREAT WORK, KID. YOU READY FOR THE NEXT ONE? 430 00:26:03,129 --> 00:26:05,474 Liz: SNAZ AND ARTIE AND THE BOYS HAD FOUND 431 00:26:05,498 --> 00:26:08,643 WHAT I'D SPENT YEARS LOOKING FOR... 432 00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:12,647 THE CURE FOR A TERMINAL CASE OF BOREDOM. 433 00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:14,149 OH, YEAH! 434 00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:18,320 Ted: I FEEL GREAT! 435 00:26:18,344 --> 00:26:20,043 YEAH! 436 00:26:22,014 --> 00:26:23,925 I LOVE YOU GUYS! 437 00:26:32,891 --> 00:26:37,438 MMM. NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL SUSHI ROLL. 438 00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:39,174 I GUESS LIZ WAS RIGHT. 439 00:26:39,198 --> 00:26:42,010 A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND. 440 00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:45,346 ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'S BEEN CHOPPED INTO SO MANY PIECES! 441 00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:48,950 AH HA HA HA HA HA! 442 00:26:48,974 --> 00:26:50,685 WELL, KIDDIES, 443 00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:54,255 I'VE GOT A LITTLE CHOPPING TO DO OF MY OWN. 444 00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:56,858 IT'S MY PRODUCER'S BIRTHDAY. 445 00:26:56,882 --> 00:26:59,360 HE'S ALWAYS WANTED FINAL CUT, 446 00:26:59,384 --> 00:27:02,197 AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE'S GETTING. 447 00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:05,066 AH HA HA HA HA! 448 00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:08,970 AH HA HA HA HA! 449 00:27:08,994 --> 00:27:11,973 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 450 00:27:11,997 --> 00:27:14,998 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE... www.ncicap.org... 30812

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