All language subtitles for Rules.of.Engagement.S05E07.Mannequin.Head.Ball.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP.5.1.x265-edge2020_track3_[eng]

[**]

We know letting someone
out of their lease

is not standard
business procedure.

But given our situation--

Our situation
is that my wife here is crazy.

Jeff, would you please--
Ah, ah, ah.

See, she had
an Oprah "Ah-ha" moment.

[SHUDDERING]

Oprah.

The thing is,
Audrey quit her job

and then she thought
that she wanted to sell cookies.

[LAUGHS]

We ended up leasing a store
we don't need.

Uh, okay, first of all,
hello, from under the bus.

And you are the one
who rented this place.

I was trying
to be a supportive husband.

Now put a sock in it.

Look, you can see
what I'm up against here.

Down to one income,
it's a tough time.

It's a tough time for me too.

I'll tell you what,

I'll flip a coin,
we'll see who loses.

You do.

But lease says
I've gotta clean the place

so I'll give you a break
on the rent if you do it.

I'll flip the coin to see
if I help you clean up.

No.

[**]

And so now I'm on the hook

for a three-month lease
on the store.

Just more stress
that I don't need.

Hey, maybe you can sublet it
to these Chinese acrobat girls.

They don't need a lot of space,
because they just fold up.

Your mom had to be high
when she nursed you.

She says no.

Anyway,
I get a break on the rent

if I clean the place myself

but it's a total mess.

What are you doing today?

Oh, I've got big plans
to not help you clean.

Can you push that
to another day?

Howdy, doody.

Whoo!

So I'm seeing this French chick,
Margaux, right?

She's an exchange student--
From France?

She was definitely high.

So she's getting her master's
in thinky-think.

But she's so refined
and cultured

I'm having trouble
getting her into le sack.

So she's French,
yet won't surrender.

Yeah, it'll be a lot of work,
but worth it.

You know,
classy girls are like turtles.

They're rarely on their backs

but once it happens

they're there
for a good, long time.

Oh, if she's a grad student
she must have read Tom Sawyer.

Did you ever read Tom Sawyer?

No.

You know the part about Tom
whitewashing the fence?

No.
Oh, my God.

It's, like,
the greatest story ever.

I gotta go.

No, wait, hold on.
Tell me, I want to hear it.

Okay, walk with me to the store.
Oh!

Good afternoon.
Whatever.

Sir, I was wondering
if I might sneak out of work

a tad early this evening?

You don't have to sneak,
I won't be there.

Splendid.

Because, uh, tonight
I was going to take Allison out.

What's with you guys?

You're always taking her places,
doing things.

It's called dating, sir.

It's where one gives money
to a restaurant or theater

as opposed to merely leaving it
on the woman's dresser.

I've heard of it.

So where are you going?

We're gonna see Thannhauser
Collection at Guggenheim.

Funny words.

Oh, how about this?

Margaux and I will double
with you and Allison

and we'll all go
to the booger-hammer.

It's the Guggenheim and...

Oh, I'd love to, sir,
but, um, we have other plans.

What are you talking about?

You just said
that's what you're doing.

It was worth a shot.

However, um,
I'm not sure our plans

are exactly your cup of tea,
sir.

Well, that's true,

but they're Margaux's cup
of tea.

She's French
and highly cultured,

and I really wanna
crème her brûlée.

Huh.

Well, sir, I'm flattered.

You'd like to piggy-back off
of my refinement.

Sure, whatever gets me
in the Google-hummer.

[SEÑOR HAPPY'S
"HOW MANY WAYS" PLAYING]

* How many ways
To say I love you *

* How many ways
To say that I'm not scared *

* With you by my side
There is no denying *

* I can't wait
For me and you *

[**]

And that is how Tom Sawyer
tricked the other boys

into painting the fence
for him.

Man, they were gullible.

Clever how Tom convinced them
that work was fun.

Hey, I'm gonna go roll
those chairs over by the wall.

No, I wanna.

I can't believe
that I have to pay rent

on this useless
crap shack!

Down to one income,
I'm working all the time.

Yeah, there you go.
You know, it's not healthy

to keep that
all bottled up, man.

Let it out.
Hit something.

Oh, thanks buddy. Face or gut?
No. No. Not me.

Here, use this.

No, still not me. God.

You feel better?

Yeah.

Hey, think fast.

[AC/DC'S "BACK IN BLACK"
PLAYING]

* Back in black

* I hit the sack

* I've been too long *

* I'm glad to be back *

* Yes, I'm let loose *

* From the noose

* That's kept me
Hanging about *

* I keep looking at the sky
'Cause it's getting me high *

* Forget the hearse
'Cause I'll never die *

* I got nine lives
Cat's eyes *

Come on.

Goal!

No goal!
It went out of bounds first.

This a ruling
for the commissioner

of mannequin head ball.

I'll allow it.

Well, I say no goal.

I am the president
of mannequin head ball.

Who do you report to?

The commissioner.
Okay, then.

[MELLOW PIANO PLAYING]

What a wonderful exhibit.

Oh, I know.
How about all that art, huh?

It was all over the walls
and stuff.

Oh, the Picasso,
and the Rubens.

Oh, they have those here?

You're funny.

Allison and I favored

the Italian futurists.

Mm. They are good.

This might be the wine talking

but I think
I'd like another glass of wine.

Ah, uh-huh.
That's an excellent idea.

I'm sure Margaux here
can attest

to wine's health benefits.
Oui, oui.

Yes, it does make you do that.

What a lovely evening.

Yes, it certainly is.

A most lovely evening.

Sir, a bottle
of your finest bubbles.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Russell, are all your friends
so sophisticated?

Oh, my God, yes.

[**]

Oh, dude, no farting.

I'll allow it.

[TIMER BEEPING]

Okay, okay.
It's halftime. Halftime.

Man, this is
the greatest game ever.

I know.
It's already better than soccer.

Oh, whoa.

I told Jen I'd be home by now.

I told Audrey
I'd be back for movie night.

That's too bad,
this is the best.

For the first time
I'm not all stressed out.

Now is not the time
to go home

and watch some damn
Tilda Swinton movie.

Which is why it's too bad
we both have to work late.

Ah.
You gotta go back to the office?

You....

You don't get things, do you?
Not usually.

I'm saying
that's what we tell the girls.

Oh.

That's why
you're the commissioner.

Head in play.

This is the security camera feed
for the store?

The landlord sent me a link.

I logged on to see
if Jeff had cleaned the place

and I found this.

And they have no idea
we can see them?

Do they look like people
who know they're being watched?

For the first time in weeks
he's not working late.

Instead of coming home,
he does this.

JENNIFER:
Is that a mannequin head
they're hitting?

God, I hope so.

[**]

[**]

Well, well, well.
Look at both of us, working it.

It, of course, being our mojo.

Spritz, please.

One for the Jersey side.

It's going well.

By showing Frenchie
I'm a man of culture

I'll see Paris, France,
and her underpants.

Ha. Artfully said, sir.

Your presence has not affected
Allison in negative way at all.

In fact, she is showing
distinct signs of friskiness.

I'm happy to have foamed down
the runway for you.

That you did.

A little gay.

[**]

Look what I did.

Wow. In hi-def the stupidity
just leaps off the screen.

It's kind of like watching
a nature documentary.

Yeah, about apes.

In their crude game

the smaller primate seems
to have bested the silverback.

Causing him to retaliate.

Ooh. The smaller one cowers

and presents his bottom

as a sign of submission.

Ooh. Let's see what happens

when outside stimulus

is introduced
to their environment.

JEFF [OVER PHONE]:
Hey, Aud.

Hey, it's almost 8:00.

You gonna make it home
for movie night?

Oh. I wish I could
but I'm stuck at work again.

Really?

Because I called you at work.
It went straight to voicemail.

I'm in the conference room.
It's closer to the can.

The silverback
is a skilled liar.

Uh, okay.
Well, I hope I see you soon.

It's probably gonna be
a few hours. Will you quit it?

AUDREY:
Is someone there with you?

No, I was talking to you.

Quit it, Audrey,
quit keeping me from my working.

Back at it. Okay, bye.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

He's such a good liar,
he took all the fun out of it.

Well,

we know who's gonna put
the fun back in it.

[PHONE RINGING]

No.

Give it to me.

Don't worry, I got this.

Hey, Jen.

I got stuck in the subway
between stations.

There's no reception,
I can't hear you.

Oh, so you can't hear me at all?

I can't hear you at all.

Oh. Uh....

The subway snake!

[LAUGHING]

Lying sacks.
You know what?

I'm recording this

so I can rub it in Jeff's face
when he gets home later.

Subway snakes.

I'm gonna have my tubes tied.

[**]

I just feel lucky
that I found someone

who shares my thirst
for culture.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Mm.

Oh.

What is it?
You take my breath away.

It must be the champagne.

Oh, I think it's more
than just the champagne.

Excuse me,
I need to use the ladies room.

Oh.
I'll join you.

Don't be long.

Do hurry back.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[GROANS]

Ah!

Ow!

Timmy, my back,
I can't get up.

You look like a turtle.

Ironic!

[**]

The show ended a while ago
so the guys should be home soon.

They could have been delayed
by the subway snakes.

Have you decided
how you're going to bust Jeff?

I have. I'm gonna ask him
to tell me all about work

effectively handing him
a shovel,

with which to dig his own grave.

Then as he stands
on the precipice of said grave

I am going to press play
and enjoy the thud.

I'm just gonna hide
Adam's hair gel.

[LAUGHS]
[DOORKNOB RATTLING]

Oh, the apes return
to their nesting grounds.

Look at you guys,
you're both so sweaty.

It's from doing
separate activities

in different parts
of the city.

Well, it's late.
You guys must be hungry.

I'll warm up some dinner
but in the meantime, banana?

Ooh.
Ah.

That's a nice treat,
isn't it?

Come on, Adam,
let's go home.

Yeah, I should shower.
This sweat is making me itchy.

It's a shame
you had to work late again.

Someone's gotta bring home
the bacon.

Yeah.

So, what did you do
at work tonight?

Oh, I had to clean up
some accounts,

check out some foreign markets.

Diversification.
A lot of stock stuff.

Yeah?
Dow, NASDAQ.

Well, I had
an interesting evening too,

and, uh, I'd like to share
it with you.

Oh, okay. But, hey.
What?

I know that I've been stressed
about work and everything lately

and I've probably been taking it
out on you. So I'm sorry.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, thanks.
I appreciate that.

I got to work through some
stuff today and know what,

I'm feeling a lot better.

Well,

that's great.

Let's just be in this together.
All right?

I mean, I was dumb for thinking
I could sell cookies

and you were dumb
for renting the store.

There's plenty of dumb
to go around here.

And, um....

And anyway,
what did you want to show me?

No, it's not important.
It never is.

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.
All right, look.

If you need to work late,
if that makes you feel better

I'm okay with it.
I'm good here.

Jen and I, uh, found a new show
to watch, actually.

It's a nature thing.

It's one of those deals

where dumb animals
do stupid things?

Pretty much.

I'll warm up your dinner.

I'm gonna finish my banana.

[**]

Given our legs
were in a tangle

and we'd all had a lot
to drink

it was
an understandable mistake.

Now you know
and we can all move on.

Dude, we held hands.
They're not moving on for years.

I mean, it was just a matter
of time for you two.

All the tension,
the need for release.

ADAM:
Mm.

Stop it, don't touch me.
I don't want to be touched.

That's not what he said.

What on earth are you doing?

I'm trying to get
on their side.

I don't like it here.

Plus my back
is still killing me.

Way to go, slugger.

Oh, you know what,

you both need
is a shot of testosterone.

Oh, already getting them.

That's not what I meant.

Adam and I discovered something
that might help you gals

erase the memory
of last night.

Go, Rusky.
Go, go, go.

Oh! Trick shot!
Yeah!

Nice work.
Yeah. Whew.

Fancy another game, old man?

Oh, you know what, bring it.

I think this is working.

I'm starting
to feel more manly already.

Indeed.

I too feel masculinity cascading
from stem to stern.

This one's still got a ways
to go.

Yeah.
Head in play.

This show
just keeps getting better.

I like the way they added
new characters to keep it fresh.

Go, go! Come on!

Ow!
My back, I can't move.

What are you doing?
Ah, ah!

Stop the game. He's mounting me.
Ah, ah!

I'll allow it!

Ow, my back!

I can't move!

Did not see that coming.

[**]

[**]

[NO AUDIO]

Uh-oh.

Ooh, I think they're onto us.

[**]

[**]