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1
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:06,774
Hell, let's go.
2
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:08,409
Oh, come on!
3
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,244
Why are you yelling
at the toaster?
4
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,679
Because it doesn't work.
5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,215
I mean the stupid little wires
barely even get red.
6
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,716
Well, I've had it since college.
7
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,885
That's where I learned
if you put it on its side
8
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,853
you can make grilled cheese.
9
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,655
Honey, you don't even get toast,
10
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,157
I mean all you get
is warm bread.
11
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,659
This thing is ruining my life.
12
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:29,397
You are the exact right amount
of upset about this.
13
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,099
Well, the blender motor
burned out,
14
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,900
the microwave can't fit a pizza.
15
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,668
I mean, our stuff sucks.
16
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:35,936
We need new stuff.
17
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,972
Well, new stuff's expensive.
18
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,174
Unless...
19
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:41,942
Ooh, what? What?
20
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,878
Well, Audrey has been wanting
to throw us an engagement party.
21
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,281
And we get lots of presents.
22
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,716
Honey, we talked about this.
23
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,851
I promised my parents
they could throw us a party
24
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,220
when we set a wedding date.
25
00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,454
Yeah, I mean,
I want the stuff,
26
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:54,622
but we can't make our friends
27
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,690
come to two
engagement parties.
28
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,758
Well, that's true.
29
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,361
Unless...
30
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,997
No.
Oh, d-don't stop, honey,
31
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,367
you're on a roll.
32
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:09,069
Well, we could consider
Audrey's party a practice party.
33
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,604
Practice party?
Yeah.
34
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,740
We'd invite only co-workers
and acquaintances,
35
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,043
people we wouldn't even invite
to the wedding.
36
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,645
Yes, just to get
all the free stuff.
37
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,280
Yeah.
Mm.
38
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,782
You sexy little scam artist.
39
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,384
[GIGGLES]
40
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,386
Ah, you know,
that would be wrong.
41
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,288
Ah, well, very wrong.
42
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,323
It's too bad.
43
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,225
Audrey would love to do it.
44
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:37,631
Let's tell Audrey the good news.
Yeah.
45
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,600
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]
46
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:44,638
* How many ways
To say, "I love you"? *
47
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:49,410
* How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? *
48
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,246
* With you by my side *
49
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,648
* There is no denyin' *
50
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:58,319
* I can't wait
For me and you *
51
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,623
[***]
52
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,725
Listen, Barb's gonna
be here any minute.
53
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:05,826
How do I look?
54
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:09,463
Like the love child
of Siegfried and Roy.
55
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,233
Do you think playing
the friend card
56
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,934
while Barb's marriage
is on the rocks
57
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,936
is gonna pay off?
Bigtime.
58
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,271
She's moving to Divorceville,
59
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,539
where I happen to own a motel
60
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:22,075
on the corner
of Hot and Desperate.
61
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,345
Why has fate created a world
62
00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,380
in which you and I
could end up related?
63
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,815
I wouldn't worry about it, dude.
64
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,351
I'm all about hittin' it
and quittin' it.
65
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:33,254
Keep your pants on,
she's coming to see Audrey.
66
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,789
Actually,
she's coming to see me,
67
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,627
so I believe the pants
will be ankle-adjacent.
68
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:42,196
That's my sister-in-law
you're talking about.
69
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,397
Hmm.
70
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,567
You hurt her,
I'll have to hurt you.
71
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,702
Understood.
72
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,505
I have it narrowed down
to two ways in which I'd do it.
73
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,574
First--
Don't tell me,
74
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,609
I wanna be surprised.
75
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,413
Hello.
Hey.
76
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:01,382
Hey. Hey, Russell.
Hi.
77
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,083
Ooh.
Oh.
78
00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,785
He didn't turn into a prince.
79
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,554
Anyway, Barb,
80
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:07,888
what are you up to tonight?
81
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,590
Oh, I am sure Barbara
is too jet-lagged
82
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,858
to go out with you, Russ.
83
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,025
I'm ready to cut loose.
84
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,827
I am single
and ready to mingle.
85
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:17,598
All right, I see my rhyming
lessons are paying off.
86
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,901
So glad my world is crumbling.
87
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,470
Yeah, I'm gonna change..
88
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,137
Oh, I'll help you.
89
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,406
Okay.
90
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,308
Heh! I was kidding.
91
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,076
You should've seen
the look on your face.
92
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,077
[CHUCKLES]
93
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,111
How would you know?
94
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,746
You don't look at my face.
95
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,849
Look, I know, you may
think you know her
96
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,352
because of those flirty emails
you've been exchanging,
97
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,789
but she is actually
in a very delicate state.
98
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:45,426
Well, I'm ready to hit the town
and throw some cocktails down.
99
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,395
Ooh, my star pupil, excuse me.
100
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,502
[***]
101
00:03:57,104 --> 00:04:00,408
You know what would be great
at the engagement party?
102
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,575
Theme drink,
103
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,612
like a--
Like a Jen and Tonic.
104
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,980
Or an Adam-tini.
Yeah.
105
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,550
Wait, could--? Could we not have
"Adam" and "teeny"
106
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,719
in the same sentence?
107
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,387
Hey, you know what'd be
a cute drink?
108
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,456
Beer.
109
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,858
Come on, Jen,
I know a place
110
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,593
where we can rent
a margarita machine.
111
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,129
Oh, I know a bar named
the Margarita Machine.
112
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:25,466
Ooh, that sounds better.
113
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,735
Hey, so we're throwing you
an engagement party.
114
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,003
That's exciting.
Yeah, should be.
115
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,272
Audrey's been offering to
throw you a party for months
116
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,975
and you've always said no.
Why the sudden change of heart?
117
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:39,212
We just wanna celebrate
our love with our best friends.
118
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,582
Best friends?
119
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,983
I saw the guest list.
120
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:45,319
You invited the rich cat lady
down the hall.
121
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,988
She's a good friend.
122
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,690
What's her name?
123
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,825
Mrs...
124
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,761
Pussy Whiskers.
125
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:57,465
What the hell
are you trying to pull?
126
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,633
Nothing.
Don't play dumb with me.
127
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:03,003
That's a game you can't win.
128
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,773
All right, all right, we're
just in it for the presents.
129
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,041
Okay, we're registering
for a ton of stuff.
130
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,979
I want in.
131
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,614
What?
132
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,517
Yeah, let me register
for some stuff that I want.
133
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,653
If you're gonna pull
a scam in my apartment,
134
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:20,954
the house should get a taste.
135
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:24,358
Gotta kick a little tribute
up to Paulie.
136
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:27,060
All right, all right, fine,
fine. But no big-ticket items.
137
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:31,031
I don't think you're
in any position to make demands.
138
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,901
Mr. Teeny.
139
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,836
[***]
140
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,840
This is so exciting.
141
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,242
My first pretzel
as a single woman.
142
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,078
Guess you're enjoying your first
hangover as a single woman too?
143
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,781
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry I crashed
so early last night.
144
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,817
I haven't partied like that
in a long time.
145
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:50,784
[CHUCKLES]
146
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,686
Did I really flash
the cab driver?
147
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,222
Oh, yeah.
You saved us 20 bucks.
148
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:58,291
Oh.
That's my girl.
149
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,562
Whoa, look what I did
without even fake yawning first.
150
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,363
[GIGGLES]
151
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,865
BOY:
Hey, mister, catch.
152
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,367
Oh, ha-ha!
Good throw.
153
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,169
There you go, buddy.
154
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,904
I love kids.
155
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,573
Anyway, I was thinking
maybe later--
156
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:13,974
BOY:
Catch.
157
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:18,311
All right, that was fun.
Good game.
158
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,280
Anyway--
Catch.
159
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,416
Kid, it's over, okay?
Go deep.
160
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,918
[GRUNTS]
161
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,119
Oh.
162
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:29,056
Hey, um, you know, my whole
divorce thing with Rick
163
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,558
would have been a lot harder
164
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:33,694
if I didn't have you to
talk to, to make me laugh.
165
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:37,765
Luckily, a lot of nice things
rhyme with "Rick".
166
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:38,799
[LAUGHS]
167
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,034
Now, seriously,
you're great.
168
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,036
You deserve to be happy.
169
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:46,139
Well, you're great too.
170
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,108
You deserve to be taller.
171
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,677
Ha-ha-ha! Really?
172
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,111
That's cute, but guess what?
173
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,413
You're the pretty one,
I'm the funny one.
174
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,882
Got it? Okay.
175
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:57,084
What's this?
Hm-hm.
176
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,052
You need help
crossing the street?
177
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:03,524
Oh-ho! Further proof
that I'm the funny one.
178
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,493
BOY:
Catch. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
179
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,160
What? Come here!
180
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,096
[***]
181
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,502
I mean, I can't wait to go to
the store and pick out presents.
182
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,969
It's gonna be like winning
183
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,305
the Showcase Showdown
on The Price is Right.
184
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,573
For me it's gonna be like
185
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,842
stealing stuff
from the guy who won.
186
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,447
You scoot over. Scoot.
187
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,149
Well, I just had a very...
188
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,819
interesting day with Barb.
189
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:34,888
What, she bought you
a Smurf-skinned jacket?
190
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:39,092
I spent the day with Barb,
just hanging out,
191
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,128
and there was no sex.
192
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,162
Can you believe it?
193
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,165
Well, she is Audrey's sister.
194
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,299
This is all new to me.
195
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,835
I didn't hit it,
196
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:51,038
yet I don't wanna quit it.
197
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,908
No, no, y-you might
be falling in love.
198
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,944
Oh, gross.
199
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,712
Yeah, you know, he may be right.
200
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,148
Isn't being in love where
you're forced to have sex
201
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,184
with the same woman
for the rest of your life?
202
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,519
Yeah.
203
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,956
Sometimes not even her.
204
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,390
Whoa, you just
didn't even see
205
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,592
that hot girl walk by.
206
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,360
What, I didn't?
207
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,228
Holy crap, am I gay?
208
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,164
[***]
209
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:22,369
[IMITATING GUNSHOTS]
210
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,436
Would you stop that?
211
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:24,772
These are for registering.
212
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,507
Yeah, registering whup-ass
all over the bad guys.
213
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,976
[IMITATING GUNSHOTS]
214
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,878
You just registered
for a salad shooter.
215
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,280
It was either him or me.
216
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,048
Come on.
217
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,618
Oh, which toaster should we get,
the two- or the four-slice?
218
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,886
What about this six-slice one?
219
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:41,188
When would we ever
need to make six?
220
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,057
When it's my night
to cook dinner.
221
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:44,992
Four is fine.
222
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,427
Oh, what about
this bread maker?
223
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,729
We're gonna make
our own bread?
224
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,598
What are we, Amish?
225
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:54,434
Ooh, but a pasta maker...
226
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,769
All right,
227
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,438
nice and easy,
put it back on the shelf.
228
00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,506
Why?
229
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:02,009
No bread maker, no pasta maker.
230
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,410
Come on.
231
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,879
[BEEPS]
Ha! It's ours.
232
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,549
I know what you're asking
yourself, punk.
233
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:14,021
Did I register six times
or only five?
234
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,757
[SPANISH ACCENT]
Say hello to my little friend.
235
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:20,661
Yeah, I am en fuego
with this baby.
236
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,062
That's a sweet blender.
237
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,164
No, no, we wanted that,
you present sponge.
238
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,233
It'll look fishy
if we ask for two.
239
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,335
Well, looks like a duel.
240
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,670
Five paces, turn and shoot.
241
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,804
Whoever hits it gets it.
242
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,606
[NORMAL VOICE]
You're on.
243
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,744
One, two, three--
244
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,311
[BEEPS]
245
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,980
Mine.
246
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,183
[BLOWS]
247
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,118
[***]
248
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:51,458
Oh, these donut holes
are great.
249
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,926
Those are profiteroles,
250
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,662
and they're
for the engagement party.
251
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:58,265
Were.
252
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,667
Is Barb back yet?
253
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,268
I don't think so.
But on that topic,
254
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,637
um, when a relative of yours
stays with us,
255
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,840
you usually reward me.
256
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,843
In this area.
257
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,212
We already did it this month.
258
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,381
That one began before
midnight on the 31st,
259
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:17,450
so that sex was charged back
to the previous month.
260
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,286
Goes by when it started,
261
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,488
not when it finishes.
262
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,657
Hmm, good thing it doesn't
go by when I finish.
263
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,226
Don't be a sore loser.
264
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,361
[SIGHS]
265
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,297
Shall we?
266
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,667
[CHUCKLING]
God, you...
267
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,870
Make it quick.
268
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,406
As opposed to?
269
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,541
[DOOR CLOSES]
270
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:42,876
What was that?
271
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,277
Is that Barb? Is she home?
272
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,914
Sounds like she's not alone.
[BARB LAUGHING]
273
00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:49,649
Oh, God, Russell?
274
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,951
Why would he come here?
275
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,652
Why couldn't he just
go back to his place
276
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,021
to have sex with my sister?
277
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,189
What did I just say?
278
00:10:57,624 --> 00:10:59,659
Just block it out.
279
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,163
Unless it makes you hot.
280
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,497
Oh, it doesn't.
281
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,498
Just close the door,
282
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,767
close it.
283
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,268
Hey, dude.
284
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,704
I'm totally getting it on
with your roommate.
285
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,880
Well, I have good news
and bad news.
286
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,614
What's the good news?
287
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,984
It's all bad news.
288
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,119
[***]
289
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,657
[***]
290
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,492
I can't believe my sister
291
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,627
brought home a strange guy
last night.
292
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:37,297
Yeah, he did look
a little skeevy.
293
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:40,367
I'm checking to make sure
nothing's missing.
294
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,302
Is he still here?
295
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:46,106
I don't know. But my
Mr. Met bobblehead still is.
296
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,641
Yeah, 'cause that's what
he would have stolen.
297
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,811
You okay, little guy?
298
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,715
Oh, morning.
299
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,050
Good morning.
Good morning.
300
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,819
Is, uh--?
Oh, no, no.
301
00:11:58,819 --> 00:11:59,887
He left.
302
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,790
With anything?
303
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:06,126
Just a big old smile
on his face.
304
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,594
I'm out.
305
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,930
Going down to the diner,
306
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,299
and, uh, not be here anymore.
307
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:15,002
[***]
308
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,837
Really, Barb
had a one-night stand?
309
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,038
Yeah.
310
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:21,308
Yeah, he looked like
that guy, um...
311
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,743
Tommy Lee.
312
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,815
Wow, I mean, and Russell doesn't
know, so, what are you gonna do?
313
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:30,517
I think I'm going
fish and chips.
314
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,552
No, no, I meant are you gonna
tell Russell,
315
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,055
or are you just gonna let him
get crushed by Barb?
316
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,890
I hadn't considered it.
317
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,692
You know, sometimes it's good
to go over the pros and cons.
318
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:40,994
Okay.
Okay.
319
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,695
Pro: If you tell him,
320
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,232
it can save him some pain
and disappointment.
321
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,869
Con: If I tell him,
it'll be kind of awkward for me.
322
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:50,437
Pro: If you tell him,
323
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,206
it could save Barb from
that uncomfortable conversation.
324
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,242
Con: If I tell him
and he gets upset,
325
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,978
that'll be
really awkward for me.
326
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,447
Pro: If you tell him,
Audrey would appreciate
327
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,951
that you saved her sister
from another emotional upheaval.
328
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,485
Con: I don't wanna tell him.
329
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,020
Um...
330
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,990
I'm glad we worked that out.
331
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,860
Scoot over.
332
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:16,563
So as much as I didn't wanna
believe it,
333
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,632
I think you guys are right
about my feelings for Barb.
334
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,134
Get this.
335
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:25,738
Today I held her hand without
guiding it towards anything.
336
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,840
Hey,
337
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,108
was she in a good mood
338
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,443
when she got home
from our date last night?
339
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,112
You have no idea.
340
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,680
[***]
341
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,682
Come on,
I was having fun.
342
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:38,986
I mean, back in school
I was Miss Goody Two-Shoes.
343
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,253
And you were--
344
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,955
I, Miss Two-Shoes-
On-The-Dashboard-
345
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:43,456
Of-My-Boyfriend's-Car, yeah.
346
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,626
So you kind
of understand, right?
347
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,695
Ha-ha! Yes.
348
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:51,932
Don't worry, last night
was only a one-time thing...
349
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,766
that I did three times.
350
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,768
[BOTH LAUGHING]
351
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:59,006
I hate to even ask, but if you
just wanted a one-night thing,
352
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,307
why not Russell?
353
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,842
Russell and I are
just good friends.
354
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,078
Oh, come on, that's the reason?
355
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,315
Not the wardrobe,
the smarminess,
356
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,951
the man necklace?
[LAUGHS]
357
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,920
He actually
is a really sweet guy.
358
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,687
Maybe.
359
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,824
But there's also
the snide laugh, the goatee,
360
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:20,360
the open shirt, the girl hair?
361
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,862
Oh, you know what? I--
I've got a list on my computer.
362
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,731
I'll just go print it out
for you.
363
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,866
[***]
364
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:32,005
Look at this crowd.
We are gonna score every gift
365
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,540
we registered for.
366
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,008
I know.
367
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,810
But I don't recognize
a lot of these people.
368
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,679
Neither do I.
369
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,814
You know, I-- I sent
invitations to everyone
370
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,616
on the office blood drive list.
371
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:44,684
They're proven givers.
372
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,686
Nice.
373
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:47,887
I'm gonna go get a drink.
374
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,056
Okay.
375
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,490
Hey, buddy.
376
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,892
What's up, chief?
377
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,527
What's up, Snoop?
378
00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:01,501
Ladies, may I offer you
something from the bar?
379
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,203
Thank you, Russell.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
380
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,571
So is it just us,
381
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,539
or are you trying to get
all the woman here drunk?
382
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,509
Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, Audrey, you are a pip.
383
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,844
Excuse me, Russell,
I am going to get a bite.
384
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:13,880
Oh, how about
I give you a bite? Ar!
385
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,182
[GIGGLES]
386
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:20,420
I know,
aren't we an adorable couple?
387
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,089
You know, I was thinking
of getting us
388
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,456
matching highlights.
389
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:31,464
You're right, that's a bad idea,
it's stupid.
390
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,266
Hey,
391
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,568
why does Russell think that
he and Barbara are a couple?
392
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:38,805
Oh, turns out he has
serious feelings for her.
393
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,607
He does?
394
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,343
Does he know about
her one-night stand?
395
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,577
No.
396
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:48,281
Do these sound like
long-range walkie-talkies?
397
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,717
How long have you known
that he felt like this?
398
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,052
A few days.
399
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,553
Why didn't you
tell me right away?
400
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:58,625
We didn't have long-range
walkie-talkies.
401
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,360
[***]
402
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,762
Hey, we agreed we'd
open those together. No peeking.
403
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,632
You got the back massager.
Awesome, what else?
404
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,436
A toaster.
405
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,870
Let's just say
we're no longer
406
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,705
gonna be placing
salad in a bowl,
407
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,074
we're gonna be shooting it.
408
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:18,378
We've executed
the perfect crime.
409
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,980
We have to leave, but we wanted
to thank you for including us
410
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,549
in your special day.
No, no,
411
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:26,486
thank you for gracing us
with your presence.
412
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,456
Well, Mike and I
are renewing our vows next week,
413
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,990
and you'll be getting an invite.
414
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,360
Oh, sure.
415
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,262
We're registered at Tiffany's.
416
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,599
Renewing their vows?
417
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,102
What a lame excuse
for a party.
418
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,003
They're scamming us right back.
419
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,338
Now we have to get them
a gift.
420
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,641
No, it's okay, we'll just...
421
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,610
We'll give them
this talking scale.
422
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,612
Um, no, I wouldn't--
Take it easy,
423
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:55,382
pretty boy, I'll tell you
if you're getting fat.
424
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,949
Part of me wants to warn Russell
425
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,685
and save him
the heartbreak,
426
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,953
but part of me doesn't.
427
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,290
That's the old duality of man.
428
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,325
Thank you, college.
429
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,927
Maybe this is just fate's way
of paying Russell back
430
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,329
for the way
he treats women.
431
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,467
I have no idea
why I'm doing this.
432
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,937
And you know, really,
who am I to argue with fate?
433
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:20,340
Maybe it's time Russell
got some of his own medicine.
434
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,642
I should just sit back
and enjoy the show.
435
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,178
I'm gonna go out here
and enjoy a beer.
436
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:27,914
See you
at my housewarming party.
437
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,749
Wouldn't miss it
for the world,
438
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:30,817
champ.
439
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,188
That's like the third gift
we have to give now.
440
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,856
Eighth, we got
a bunch more invites,
441
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,158
including one for Rachel's dog.
442
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:40,627
She's throwing him
a bark-mitzvah.
443
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:41,628
Who's Rachel?
444
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:42,829
I don't know.
445
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,165
But her dog's getting
a shower massage.
446
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,735
Hey, there you are.
447
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,537
Hm. What's up?
448
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,772
Listen, uh,
449
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:55,342
I know
you're not my biggest fan.
450
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,710
I just wanted to tell you that
my feelings for Barb are real.
451
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,613
And I would never do anything
to hurt her.
452
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:01,781
Oh, okay.
453
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:05,285
Okay, well, that took a lot
for me to say.
454
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,354
I had to slam down
like five Jen and Tonics
455
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,055
just to get that out.
456
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,323
But I do care about her.
457
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,992
And that's not just
the Jen talking.
458
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,427
Uh-huh.
459
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,062
Why are you looking me
in the eyes?
460
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,131
My boobs are down here.
461
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,967
Maybe Barb changed me.
462
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:25,638
Anyway, I'm gonna go tell her
what I just told you.
463
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,374
Uh, Russell.
464
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,676
Ah...Russell.
465
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,480
Umm, I-I don't think
466
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,515
you should tell Barb
how you feel.
467
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,485
Oh, I know, it's lame, right?
But I gotta take a shot.
468
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:41,354
N-no, um-- No, I don't think
you should tell her
469
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,290
because she doesn't feel
the same way.
470
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,327
How do you know that?
471
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:50,397
Well, last night after your date
she brought home...
472
00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:53,433
a pint of ice cream.
473
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,069
And?
And--
474
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,706
And, you know, she told me
475
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:03,042
that she would never ruin
her special friendship with you
476
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:05,144
by taking it any further.
477
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,650
You okay?
478
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,420
Oh, yeah. No, I just--
I wasn't listening.
479
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,423
I was too busy checking out
the Twin-denburgs there.
480
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:17,724
Oh, the humanity.
481
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,693
Look, Russell,
I know how you feel.
482
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:24,397
Well, I wouldn't mind
knowing how those feel.
483
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,533
I know you're covering,
but you crossed the line.
484
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:29,068
Oh, hey, I'm getting a text.
485
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,903
It's this chick Tina.
486
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,339
She's got a pottery wheel,
487
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:35,375
wants to do
a little Ghost action.
488
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:38,478
So...I'm gonna cruise.
489
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,647
[***]
490
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,218
And for the Robinson's
housewarming,
491
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,420
give them the Crock-Pot.
492
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:50,623
I'm not waiting eight hours
to eat anything.
493
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,060
All right,
this isn't too bad.
494
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,295
We've assigned gifts to people
495
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,729
who invited us
to their parties.
496
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,831
Yeah, we still have all those
leftover for us.
497
00:19:58,831 --> 00:19:59,999
Mm.
498
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:01,801
[CHUCKLES]
499
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,572
Mine.
500
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,308
Mine.
501
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:12,512
Also mine.
502
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,982
Well, at least we still have
the six-slice toaster.
503
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,484
Six-slice?
504
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,353
It's mine.
505
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,489
[***]
506
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,759
[***]
507
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,229
I don't know.
508
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,265
Maybe it was love,
509
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:35,034
maybe it wasn't.
510
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,969
Do I have regrets?
511
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,505
A few,
512
00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:42,842
but all in all it's better
to have loved and lost.
513
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,844
Am I right?
514
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,379
Catch.
515
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,847
Catch.
516
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,683
It's like a one-track mind
with you.
517
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:54,987
I don't know why I'm talking
to you about this anyway.
518
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,489
[SIGHS]
519
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,332
[***]
520
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,804
[***]
35688
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