All language subtitles for Rules.Of.Engagement.S02E04.Guy.Code.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

[***]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I, uh-- I'm wearing the tie
we used last night.

Mm-hm.

Oh, how about--?
How about tonight

you be the prisoner of love,
huh?

Well, uh...

Well, honey, I-- My--
My wrists are-- Are chafed.

Oh, yeah. No. Yeah-- Yeah, I saw
the property yesterday,

and I think-- I think it has
excellent building potential.

Yeah.
Tell your fiancée I said hi.

Russell says hi.

Ahem. All right,
I'll see you later.

Prisoner of love?

Yeah, well, I got caught
trespassing in her pants...

and convicted in sex court.

So gay. All right,
come on to my office.

Hey, Danielle.
Hi, Russell.

Listen, I wanted to talk to you

about that waterfront project,
all right?

There's something I really need,

and that is to have sex
with my new assistant.

[MOUTHED SPEECH]

You mean, that nice girl you
just didn't introduce me to?

Yeah. Sorry, I just don't
want her to get too comfy.

She's not gonna
be around here long.

Company policy says
employees can't date.

Well, it's your dad's company.
Talk to him.

Well, that won't help.
He implemented the policy

the day I started work.

Just leave me out of this.

I mean, this is a place
of business.

I know, and I'm trying to get
down to business.

But in order to ask her out,
I have to fire her.

You can't do that.

Oh, wait, you're right.

Because if I fire her,
she'll be mad at me

and then she won't
go out with me.

No, you-- You can't do that
because it's wrong.

Yes, it's wrong

because I won't be getting
down to business.

I get it.

[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

* How many ways
To say, "I love you?" *

* How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? *

* With you by my side *

* There is no denyin' *

* I can't wait
For me and you *

[***]

Ah, ah, ah, no bacon.

Remember what the doctor said
about your cholesterol.

We're really gonna listen
to a guy whose business card

has a cartoon bunny
with a stethoscope on it?

Yes. Because one day
I would like to celebrate

our 50th wedding anniversary.

Great, another party.
What's that gonna cost me?

We have 37 years
to argue about it.

Let's get started.
Why so much wine?

Very cute. So listen,
Katy and Ray are all set

to come over for dinner
on Saturday night.

I really think
you're gonna like Ray.

Why?

What makes Ray different
than every other tool

your friends married?

You know, your attitude
going into this really stinks.

I don't want to go into it.

So "stinks"
is the right attitude.

Look, I'm just trying to expand
our circle of friends

to people outside
of our building, okay?

We can't always hang out
with Adam and Jennifer.

And it's not easy to...

I'm sorry, what?

Yeah, I said we need
more couple friends.

Why do women feel the need
to keep accumulating friends?

After college,
guys don't make new ones,

we just cross old ones
off the list.

Yes, and then
we have no friends,

and we become some weird old
couple who run a lighthouse.

I like lighthouses.

They make me feel
more in proportion.

You're gonna like Ray.
He works in finance, like you.

He's a Mets fan and a Jets fan.

And he also thinks
guys who wear fanny packs

are not to be trusted.

Has potential.
Mm-hm.

Plus he knows everything
about wine and cheese,

and every week
he sends Katy flowers.

Potential fading.

Eat your oatmeal.

I see oats,
but I don't see a meal.

[***]

Oh, hello.

Hello, Adam.

What are you doing
outside of my office?

Oh, I assumed Russell told you.

He said I'm your assistant now
due to some sort of restructure

of the corporateness.

The corporate--
Corporateness?

Okay, ex--
Excuse me, I...

What are you doing?

Hey, hey, congratulations,
you've got a new assistant.

By the way,
fire her by Friday,

'cause I got us tickets
to see Journey.

You want me to do
your dirty work for you.

No. Just fire her.

I'll do me own dirty work.

I told you to leave me
out of this.

Oh, come on.

I'll console her, hang out
with her and have sex with her.

Everybody wins.

Only you win.

That's what I meant
by "everybody."

You know, you've overlooked
one flaw in your little plan:

I've always wanted
an assistant.

Afraid you're out of luck,
squirt.

Am I?

You see, like a chess master,

I'm always one move ahead.

Let me call your office.

DANIELLE:
Hot 97 rocks my world.

What the hell was that?

She's trying to win
a radio contest.

She's not that bright, and
she needs constant validation,

which are wonderful traits
in a date,

but problematic in an assistant.

No way. No way, you are not
gonna win this chess match.

Adam, is it all right
if I take lunch now?

Uh, i-it's 8:30
in the morning.

Heh! Oops.

I have my watch on upside down.

It's your move.

May I suggest pawn fires bimbo?

Mm. Well, I'm not
gonna fire her,

so I think the next move is
Russell beats bishop.

Oh.

[***]

All right, now, take a sip
of your wine.

It'll taste different
than it did 10 minutes ago.

It does taste different.

Let me try.

Drink your own.

I finished it. I liked the way
it tasted 10 minutes ago.

I told you, Ray really knows
his stuff.

Now, here, I want you
to smell this.

[CHORTLES]

I'm a fan, but, uh,
Audrey hates that game.

He was talking
about the cheese, Jeff.

RAY:
Yes, Jeff.

Now, if you'll grow up,
I'll cut the cheese.

[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]

You beat me to that one.

Jeff's off cheese, though.

We're, uh, trying to lower
his cholesterol.

We're also lowering
his will to live.

[LAUGHS]

I'll go get us some coffee.

I'll, uh-- I'll help.

Really?

So you're having a good time.

Yeah, you were right.
I like Ray.

Yeah? What about Katy?

Who's Katy?

Yeah, she's fine,
but with couple friends,

I only have to like the guy.

Unless, um, we're tossing keys
into a bowl

at the end of the night.

Wasn't funny at our wedding,

isn't funny now.

Priest laughed.

Jeff, the Knicks are in town
this week,

and my company
has a skybox.

You two wanna come?

I speak for both of us
when I say yes,

I'd love to go.

Me too, that's so nice.

I feel like we're going
on our second date.

Well, then I'll expect more
than a kiss.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Get the bowl.

Oh, my God,
it's almost 9.

I totally forgot to record
America's Next Top Model.

Oh, we can watch it here.
I'll go get some ice cream.

There is nothing better

than eating in front
of starving models.

If you two are gonna watch that,

maybe Jeff and I will go
to a sports bar

to catch the end of the game?

I think I speak for both of them
when I say they would not mind.

[LAUGHS]
Oh,

look at you two boys,

going on your first
play date.

Don't ruin it.

You know, a couple may be
dropping out

of our summer beach house.

You guys like the beach?

Yeah, but I gotta warn you
about how hairy Jeff is.

Because if you're not ready,
it will hit you.

Thanks for dinner, Audrey.

I look forward to seeing you
at the game.

And I look forward to seeing you
at home later. Mm.

Mmm.

[SMOOCHING]

Hey.

Nice audible
with the sports bar.

Yeah, well, if you liked
that audible,

you'll love this: We're really
going to a strip club.

Sounds good, but I was looking
forward to watching the game.

Don't worry, they'll have it on.
Great.

You know a place?
Oh, yeah.

And trust me, the only thing
flat in there

are the TV screens.

[LAUGHS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]
I get that.

[***]

[***]

I think it's great
Adam has an assistant.

You're gonna lose this one.

The only thing I'm gonna lose
is a night of sleep

when Danielle and I gets it on.

[PHONE BEEPS]

Who's that?

Oh, that's Danielle.

She can't find her way
out of the parking garage.

She has a car?

No.

This could all end
if you just fire her.

He's not gonna fire her
just so you can sleep with her.

It's hard enough
for women in the workplace

without having to deal
with stuff like this.

Oh, I am woman, hear me bore.

Look, you can't fire her.

You were so excited
to have an assistant.

That's because I thought
she'd make my job easier.

Well, she still can.
Just because she's attractive

doesn't mean
she can't learn.

Train her so she can reach
her potential.

Mm. You know, you're right.
I'll give her some guidance,

I'm sure she'll be
a great assistant.

So king me, chess master.

That's checkers, idiot.

[***]

Oh, hey, hon.

Oh, hey. Did I wake you?

No, I was reading.

You guys have fun
watching the game?

We had fun watching everything.

I'm glad you hung out
with Ray.

Maybe some of his charm
will rub off on you.

[CHUCKLES]

What just rubbed off on me?

Is that glitter?

Funny story.

Tell me you didn't drag Ray
to a strip club.

I did not.

Jeff, he is not
one of your clients.

If Katy finds out, she'll think
you're a bad influence

and not wanna see us.

It was Ray's idea to go.

[LAUGHS]
Yeah, right.

Ray does not strike me
as a strip club kind of guy.

Maybe not from the waist up.

But, uh...

His, uh, lap
is like a dance floor.

I can't believe you're throwing
Ray under the bus

to save your own skin.

Hey, Ray's the one who let one
of the girls complete the, uh...

task at hand.

What?

Let's just say she tried
to start a fire

the old-fashioned way.

Oh, gross.

Wine-and-cheese Ray?

Flowers-for-his-wife Ray?

They're obviously guilt flowers.

Uh, if I ever give you flowers,
that's when you should worry.

Wow. So, what did you
say to him?

About what?

About the fact
that he cheated on Katy.

I didn't say anything.
That's between them.

So you don't care?

Doesn't affect me.

Now, if Katy catches him

and he loses the skybox
in the divorce,

that affects me.

[***]

You know, actually,
Jen and I once went

to a strip club together.

That's like bringing
the principal with you

when you play hooky.

My guess is
Jen really enjoyed herself.

She did.

Not surprising.

I've always gotten
kind of a lesbionic vibe

from your girl.

Yeah, keep dreaming, man.

She just likes the music
and the dancing--

Field hockey.

Don't make me beat you
with your own booster seat.

All right.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

She likes men...

too.

So Audrey's cool with you
going to strip clubs?

Eh, she knows that I'm too cheap
to really enjoy them.

I mean, the girls just,
you know, pretend to like you.

They just want your money.

You don't say.

Hey, you know, uh,
when Jen and I went,

the girls were more interested
in dancing for her.

You don't say.

[PHONE BEEPS]

Oh, crap.

Who's that?

Oh, that's my assistant. I've
been helping her out lately

and she thinks
we're friends now,

so she keeps sending me pictures
of her with her puppy.

That's pretty unprofessional.

That's what I say.
Fire her.

No, no. I-- I'm gonna keep her
just to spite you.

Adam, as a manager,
you have to make sure

all your employees
pull their weight.

I demand excellence from anyone
who works for me.

This is her.

That's the kind of excellence
I demand.

[***]

Hey, hon.

Hey. I've been thinking...

[SIGHS]
Oh, boy.

What's wrong?

Well, it's never, "I've been
thinking we should visit

every ballpark in America."

I'm not thrilled with your, uh,
casual attitude

about what Ray did.

Oh, what, you're mad at me?

I should look like a hero
compared to him.

But you think it's all right.

I don't think anything,
because it's not my business.

Plus you know I would never
do what he did.

I know you wouldn't.

I mean, he had to hit the ATM
twice to pay her.

I just thought you'd be
a little more disgusted

by his sleazy behavior.

Well, guys don't judge things
other guys do.

It's separate
from the friendship.

That's the code
that guys live by.

That's guy code.

So under guy code

you can just excuse
any bad behavior

just to go to a skybox?

It was invented by guys.

You know, if Katy were
an old friend, I would tell her,

I just don't know her
that well.

Even if you did, you couldn't.

Why not?
Because Ray told me,

and guy code demand
that it go no further.

But you told me.

I'm allowed to
because of marriage code.

That doesn't make any sense.

It makes perfect sense.

Guy code and marriage code
can intersect.

The information I gave you

is covered primarily
under guy code.

So again,
you can't tell Katy.

What about woman code?

Don't make me laugh.

I just can't stand the thought
of hanging out with Ray.

And thing's are gonna be weird
with Katy now,

knowing what I know about Ray
and the fire-starter.

I just wish we could get out
of this whole skybox thing.

You're the one who told me
how hard it is

to find another couple
to hang out with.

Just give it another try.
Oh, fine,

just keep that Ray
away from me.

Good.

And if things don't work out
with Ray and Katy,

sound the foghorn,
because it's lighthouse time.

[***]

Surprise.

Hi, honey, what are you
doing here?

Russell invited me
to come by for lunch.

Mwah.

Surprise.

I wanted her to meet
your new assistant.

Okay, I get it,
you want her to be jealous,

but she's not
the jealous type.

Yeah. Besides, I already know
she's gonna be pretty

or you wouldn't be after her.

So, what's the point
in dragging me all the way...

down here?

Oh, there she is.

JENNIFER:
That's her?

She's lovely.

Yes, and she'll be working
very closely with Adam.

Long hours, late nights.

Jennifer trusts me.

Yeah, completely.

Anyway, hey, nice try.

Take a walk.

The battle's over,
but the war rages on.

Yeah.
Russell, thanks for the memo

about Tank Top Tuesday.

Oh, my pleasure. Don't forget
about Thong Thursday.

Here are the copies you wanted.
Thank you.

Danielle,
this is my fiancée, Jennifer.

It's so nice to meet you.

Sorry I hung up on you
all those times.

That's okay.
By the way,

Hot 97 also rocks my world.

Adam is so sweet.

No one has ever taken the time
to work so closely with me.

[CHUCKLES]
Don't we have a great guy?

Yes, we do. Heh-heh.

It was nice to meet you.

You too.

[CHUCKLES]

Ah.

You know, she's come
such a long way

in a short time.
I am so glad

you convinced me
to stick with her.

What's wrong?

I want you to fire her.

[***]

Ray, this skybox is great.

The tickets just fell
into my lap.

Your lap's been busy this week.

Take it easy.

So, Audrey,

guess who they asked
to be guest sommelier

at my wine club this week?

Who?
Who do you think?

Ignore him, he just wants
his ego stroked.

[BOTH GIGGLE]

Ha-ha-ha!
It is his ego's turn now?

I'm gonna go freshen
my drink.

Oh, I'll come with you.

This is great, huh?
You're watching the game,

your wife thinks
it's a date.

Oh, my God.
Fried mozzarella sticks.

You know what?

Audrey's gonna have to forget
about a 50th anniversary.

If she wants a party, she can
throw me a lavish funeral.

So it's definite.

The other couple
did drop out

of the Jersey Shore house.
Did you talk to Jeff?

Uh, I did, and we're not gonna
be able to do it.

Why not?

Jeff can't share a bathroom
with other people.

Believe me,
everybody wins there.

Oh...

Oh, sweet,
delicious grease.

Keep an eye on Audrey
for me, if you would.

She's still on
cholesterol patrol.

What's that, Jeff?

Of course I won't tell Audrey

you're eating your ninth
mozzarella stick.

What the hell are you doing?

Jeff.

Why are you eating those,
huh?

What about your cholesterol?

Busted. Hee-hee!

I thought I was entitled.
I've been pretty good lately.

He's been good. He only had
three baskets of onion rings

the other night
at the sports bar.

Oh, I give up.

Eat whatever you want.

Hey, shrimp.

Um, why did you do that?

Oh, come on, man.
I'm just busting your stones.

My stones are fine.
You just broke guy code.

Oh, forget about guy code.
This was funny.

I'd never tell your wife
something

you didn't want her to know.

Are you talking about
the other night?

You wouldn't tell Katy that.

Wouldn't tell me what?

[***]

Well, in the back of my mind,

I always knew
Ray was gonna be a tool.

Just toss him in the shed
like the rest of them.

I don't know
how you just stood there

while he lied his way
out of it.

Had to. Guy code.

So under guy code, a guy cheats
and lies, no problem?

Tells your wife
you're eating poorly,

dead to you.

Guy code is very clear
on fried cheese.

At least we still have Adam
and Jennifer to hang out with.

Who's Jennifer?

Hey, look, we're no worse off
than we were before.

And I was pretty happy then.

Aw, thank you.

Wait till you're stuck
in a lighthouse with me.

Won't be so bad.

If we get bored,
we can turn off the big light

and watch the ships
bang into each other.

[GIGGLES]

Speaking of banging
into each other...

[***]

This is nice.

Yeah,
it's like a picnic.

[LAUGHS]

So every day, huh?

I think it's a fair compromise.

I'm glad Danielle got
my memo about Muumuu Monday.

[RINGS]

Hot 97 rocks my world.

Oh, my God!
Are you serious?

That's right, little lady.

You've answered
with the phrase that pays.

You've won a lot of money,
so why don't you go down

to your boss's office and
tell him you're outta there?

Check and time for me to mate.

[***]

[***]