All language subtitles for Queer As Folk Season 3 Episode 6 One Ring to Rule Them All full HD on SFlix Free

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,

ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX.

SHAKE IT, DUDE.

Michael:
SO THERE I WAS,

STARK NAKED,
FREEZING MY TAIL OFF,

SPYING ON BEN.

WAS HE PLUCKING
HIS MAGIC
TWANGER?

NO. HE HAD
A NEEDLE,

AND HE WAS
GIVING HIMSELF A
SHOT IN THE ASS.

THE NUTTY
PROFESSOR,
A JUICE PIG?

I AM SO TURNED
ON. HERE, FEEL.

[ Laughing ]
CUT IT OUT.

I'VE SEEN HIM
DO IT TWICE.

I THINK HE'S
DOING STEROIDS.

FOR THE LIFE OF
ME, I'LL NEVER
UNDERSTAND WHY
SO MANY GAY MEN

WANT TO FUCK
THEIR BODIES UP
WITH DRUGS.

HE'S ALWAYS
AT THE GYM,

HE HAS THESE
NASTY MOODS...

"'ROID RAGE."

WELL, CONSIDER
IT A SMALL
PRICE TO PAY

FOR AN
AMAZING BODY.

YOU'RE A BIG
FUCKING HELP.

Emmett:
HI, GUYS!

Michael:
SO HOW ARE THE
TWO LOVE BIRDS?

UH, FREEZING
OUR TITS OFF.
YEAH, WELL,

AT LEAST I WON'T
HAVE TO PINCH
MY NIPS TO GET
THEM ALL TAUT.

ALLOW ME.

OW!

CAN YOU BELIEVE
THE LINE TO
GET INTO THIS
FUCKING DUMP?

YEAH, IT'S ON
ACCOUNT OF THOSE
GUYS WHO O.D.'d.

GREAT. SO BECAUSE SOME
IGNORANT AMATEURS DIDN'T
KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING,

THE REST OF US
SHOULD GET PUNISHED.

YEAH, YOU CAN
THANK YOUR FRIEND,
THE CHIEF.

LET'S GO INSIDE
BEFORE MY DICK
GETS FROSTBITE.

YOU HAVE A
GUEST PASS?

[ Whimper ]
UH, ONLY
ONE GUEST.

Ted & Emmett:
ASSHOLE.

Man:
FREEZING MY NIPPLES OFF...

ALL RIGHT,
HONEY, YOU
CAN GO.

SEE SOME I.D.?

HMM.
Officer:
ANY DRUGS?

WORK THE
POCKETS,
HONEY. WORK
THE POCKETS.

Various:
WHOO-OO-OO!

Ethan:
YOU WANT ME TO
WASH YOUR BACK?

Justin:
HMM... ANY EXCUSE
TO KEEP YOUR
HANDS ON ME.

[ Chuckle ]

YOU KNOW,
CLEANLINESS
IS NEXT TO
HORNINESS.

MMM. YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU'RE
FINISHED,

I KNOW A REALLY
COOL GAME WE
CAN PLAY.

IT'S CALLED
"HIDE THE
SOAP BAR."

OH-H.
[ Snort ]

[ Ringing of telephone ]

HELLO?

YEAH?

OH HEY, HOW
YOU DOING?

NO FUCKING WAY.
THAT'S FANTASTIC!

WHAT?

PREPARED? ARE
YOU KIDDING?

I'VE BEEN
PREPARING MY
WHOLE LIFE!

YEAH. OKAY.

THANKS, MAN.

THAT WAS GLEN.

YOSEF TREBLEK
HAD A TRIPLE
BYPASS.

WHO'S
YOSEF TREBLEK?

THIS, UH,
THIS HUNGARIAN
VIOLINIST.

OH GOD, THAT'S
TERRIBLE.

NO, NO, NO, IT'S
THE GREATEST
NEWS EVER.

HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO PLAY THE
HARRISBURG SYMPHONY,

BUT OBVIOUSLY
HE CAN'T NOW.

SO GLEN
SUGGESTED ME,

THE SILVER
MEDALIST FOR
THE HEIFETZ
COMPETITION,

AS THE
LAST MINUTE
REPLACEMENT,

AND THEY
SAID YES!
THEY SAID YES!

MY GOD, IT'S YOUR
FIRST CONCERT.

IT'S NOT
PHILADELPHIA OR
BOSTON, BUT...

IT DOESN'T
MATTER. IT'S
A START.

OH, GOD.

[ Groan ]
I WISH YOU
COULD BE THERE
WITH ME.

[ Sniff ]

I WISH I
COULD TOO.

BUT YOUR AGENT
WOULD FLIP OUT
IF I WAS THERE.

YEAH. I KNOW.

HEY, I WAS, UH...

I WAS GOING TO
GIVE YOU THIS WHEN
THE PHONE RANG.

I BOUGHT
TWO OF THEM.

THEY WEREN'T
VERY EXPENSIVE,
BUT...

THE GUY AT THE
STORE SWORE TO
ME THAT THEY WERE
ONE OF A KIND.

AND...

I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE A
WAY FOR US TO
BE TOGETHER,

EVEN WHEN
WE'RE APART.

TV Announcer:
CITIZEN, WAR HERO,

COP, CHIEF OF POLICE.

JIM STOCKWELL: YOU
CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT
KNOWING HE'S THE MAYOR.

PAID FOR BY THE COMMITTEE
TO ELECT JIM STOCKWELL.

WELL?

WHAT DO
YOU THINK?

IF I WANT TO SLEEP AT NIGHT,
I COULD TAKE A XANAX.

OR I COULD WATCH YOUR AD.

[ Clearing of throat ]

Vance:
WHAT...

MY PARTNER
MEANS...

WHAT I MEAN IS,

IT'S FUCKING BORING.

THAT SPOT WAS
MADE BY ONE OF
THE BEST AGENCIES
IN THE STATE.

96% OF THE TEST
GROUP WE SHOWED IT TO
REACTED FAVOURABLY.

WHO WERE THEY,
INSOMNIACS?

OUR LOYAL SUPPORTERS.

WELL, YOU'VE ALREADY
GOT THEIR VOTE.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE
VOTERS WHO ARE UNDECIDED,

OR THE ONES
WHO WOULDN'T
CAST A BALLOT

FOR A LAW AND
ORDER CANDIDATE?

YOU HAVE TO PULL
THEM INTO YOUR CAMP
IF YOU WANT TO WIN.

AND THERE IS
NO WAY IN HELL

YOU'RE GOING TO
DO IT WITH THAT.

I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE
A BETTER PLAN?

DO YOU
WORK OUT?

FOUR TIMES
A WEEK.
RELIGIOUSLY.

ANY SPORTS?
GOLF.

SWIMMING.
BASKETBALL.

HOBBIES?

BUILD MODEL
AIRPLANES.

NO SHIT.

I DID THAT WHEN
I WAS A KID.

YOU TOO?
SURE, WHO DIDN'T?

BUT WHAT'S
THE, UM...
WHAT'S
THE POINT?

THE POINT IS, I
CAN RELATE TO IT.
EVERYONE CAN.

BUT WHO THE HELL'S
GOING TO RELATE
TO SOME STIFF
IN A UNIFORM?

BRIAN, TAKE
IT EASY...
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T MIND
THE TRUTH.

EVEN IF YOU
USE IT LIKE AN
ASSAULT WEAPON.

SO...

WHAT DO YOU
SUGGEST?
CHANGE
YOUR IMAGE.

STOP SELLING
YOURSELF
AS A HERO

AND START SELLING
YOURSELF AS A MAN.

THAT'S IT?
AN ORDINARY MAN,

WITH THE SAME
CARES AND
CONCERNS AS
EVERYONE ELSE.

THE ONLY
DIFFERENCE
IS, YOU'RE
IN A POSITION

TO ACTUALLY
DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT.
LOOK,

I KNOW I CAME
TO YOU FOR SOME
FRESH IDEAS.

HOWEVER, IT'S
A RADICAL CHANGE
FROM THE CAMPAIGN
WE'VE BEEN RUNNING.

TOO RADICAL.

WELL, IT'S
YOUR CALL.

BUT WITH THE
WAY THINGS
ARE GOING,

I'D SAY YOU
HAVE NOTHING
TO LOSE...

EXCEPT THE
ELECTION.

SEE NOW, THIS,
UM, SHADE OF
APRICOT FOR
THE WALLS

IS CALLING
OUT FOR A
PLUM CARPET;

WHICH PRACTICALLY
SCREAMS FOR THE
RASPBERRY COUCH

WITH THE PEACH
CUSHIONS.

YEAH, I KNEW
I SHOULD'VE
GOTTEN THE
FRUIT COBBLER.

Lindsay:
ISN'T IT A
BIT EXTREME?

FOR EMMETT,
I'D SAY IT'S
A BIT SUBDUED.

EXCUSE ME?

YOU'RE MOVING INTO
A DIFFERENT KIND
OF NEIGHBOURHOOD.

IT'S NOT THE
GAY GHETTO.
IT'S...

A BEDROOM
COMMUNITY.

THERE'S A
DIFFERENCE?

YES, IT'S MORE
TRADITIONAL,

MORE RESERVED.

SO, MAYBE YOU
WANT TO CHANGE
YOUR STYLE,

LOSE THE
STREISAND
POSTERS.

"THE MAIN EVENT"
WAS GOING IN
THE ENTRY.

THE SLAVE
BOY LAMPS?

IT'S GOING
ON THE BAR,
RIGHT?

YOU JUST WANT TO THINK
ABOUT FITTING IN,

RATHER THAN
STANDING OUT.

Lindsay:
THINK OUR
HOUSE.

YOUR HOUSE?

AM I TO BELIEVE
I'M ACTUALLY
GETTING
DECORATOR TIPS

FROM LESBIANS?

LOOK, THIS
IS EMMETT'S
PROJECT, RIGHT?

HE'S GOT CARTE
BLANCHE TO DO
WHATEVER HE WANTS
WITH THE HOUSE.

STREISAND,
PLUMS,

KUMQUATS... IF
THAT'S WHAT HE
WANTS, THEN THAT'S
WHAT IT'LL BE.

[ Mouthing silently ]

GOOD LUCK.

BY THE WAY,
YOU DIDN'T HEAR
IT FROM ME,

AND I DIDN'T
HEAR IT FROM MY
COP BOYFRIEND;

BUT THERE'S A
CERTAIN POLICE
CHIEF WHO WANTS
TO BE MAYOR

WHO'S TRYING
TO GET SOME
ATTENTION
FOR HIMSELF

BY GOING AFTER
BUSINESSES THAT
PANDER TO...
SHALL WE SAY...

PRURIENT INTERESTS?

I WAS GONNA SAY
WEB-WHACKERS.

WELL, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME, DEB.

I RUN A CLEAN
OPERATION.

TEDDY IS IMMACULATE.

HE EVEN
RINSES OUT
HIS UNDERWEAR

BEFORE HE PUTS
THEM IN THE
LAUNDRY.

HONEY, IF
THEY WANT TO,

THEY CAN ALWAYS
FIND SOMETHING.

WELL, THANKS
FOR THE HEADS-
UP, DEB.

WELL, DON'T THANK ME...

THANK
BENEDICT ARNOLD
KINNEY.

HE'S THE ONE WORKING
FOR THE ENEMY.

NICE TO SEE
YOU TOO.

I'LL HAVE A SPLIT
PEA SOUP TO GO.

JUSTIN, A
SPLIT PEA.

AND FEEL FREE
TO PISS IN IT.

YOU SHOULD REALLY
LEARN TO SEPARATE
YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS
FROM BUSINESS, DEB.

IT'S THREE BUCKS.

WHERE'D YOU
GET THE RING?

ETHAN

[ Ringing of till ]

HOW ROMANTIC.

FUCK ALL YOU'D
KNOW ABOUT ROMANCE.

KEEP IT.
THAT'S A BIG TIP.

MAYBE YOU COULD BUY
HIM SOME FLOWERS.

I'M SURE HE'D LIKE THAT.

[ Slamming of
till drawer ]

[ Humming ]

[ Clatter of typing ]

ARE YOU HAVING
AN INTERNET
AFFAIR, MICHAEL?
HMM?

[ Sniffing ]

YOU'VE BEEN
ON THAT A
LONG TIME.

[ Grunting ]

I'M DOING
SOME RESEARCH.
AH!

[ Whirring of printer ]

WORK?

FOR YOU.

ME?

STEROIDS?

I SAW YOU.

SAW ME WHAT?

SHOOTING UP.

SO UNLESS YOU'VE
SUDDENLY BECOME
A HEROIN ADDICT,

I FIGURE THAT'S
WHAT IT IS.

MICHAEL, ARE YOU
SPYING ON ME?

SPYING ON YOU?

WE LIVE TOGETHER.
HOW CAN I
NOT NOTICE?

WELL, A LOT OF GUYS
ARE USING THEM, OKAY?

TO FIGHT
BODY WASTING.

YOU'RE NOT WASTING.

YET.

DID YOUR DOCTOR
PRESCRIBE THEM?

NO.
WELL, THEN WHERE
DID YOU GET THEM?

WHAT IS THIS, AN
INTERROGATION?

I'M CONCERNED,
THAT'S ALL.

IT SAYS THERE'RE A
LOT OF SIDE EFFECTS.

MOOD SWINGS, DIARRHEA,
LIVER DAMAGE...

YEAH, I'M AWARE
OF THE POTENTIAL
SIDE EFFECTS,
MICHAEL.

I HAVE DONE MY
RESEARCH TOO.

WELL THEN, WE SHOULD'VE
AT LEAST TALKED IT OVER.

LOOK.

I'M JUST TRYING
A CYCLE, OKAY?

TO SEE IF
IT MAKES ANY
DIFFERENCE.

AND SO FAR
THE ADVANTAGES

ARE BEATING THE
DISADVANTAGES.

HUH?
[ Grunts ]

[ Groaning ]

HMM? YEAH? HUH?

UH... UH...

HUH? HUH?

IT'S NOT
TOO BAD, HUH?

IT'S FINE.

[ Whispering ]
HOW ABOUT THAT?

NICE.

AW, DON'T TELL
ME IT WORKS
ON THAT TOO.

HMM.

[ Mixed chatter ]

[ Dribbling
of basketball ]

GET ON HIM, GET
ON HIM, GET ON HIM.

GOOD SHOT. OKAY,
TAKE IT OUT.

YOU'RE GUARDING HIM. MOVE
A LITTLE BIT, RIGHT THERE.

I'M JIM STOCKWELL,

POLICE CHIEF AND
COACH OF MY SON'S
BASKETBALL TEAM.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN
YOU COULD SEND YOUR
KIDS TO THE PARK.

BEFORE SEX AND DRUGS
WERE AVAILABLE ON
EVERY STREET CORNER.

AS A CRIME FIGHTER
AND A PARENT,

I'D LIKE TO SEE
THOSE TIMES AGAIN.

I KNOW YOU WOULD TOO.

VOTE FOR ME FOR MAYOR,

AND LET'S MAKE
PITTSBURGH FAMILY-
FRIENDLY ONCE MORE.

AND CUT.

KEEP ROLLING,
KEEP ROLLING.

[ Whispering ]
KEEP ROLLING.

[ Panting ]

HOW WAS THAT?

IT WAS GREAT.

DID YOU
GET THAT?
YEP, I GOT IT.

THANKS.

HOW WAS THAT?

IF I DIDN'T
KNOW BETTER,
I'D SWEAR YOU
WERE TOM CRUISE.

[ Mixed chatter ]

Ted:
EVERYONE HAVE
VALID I.D.s?

Men:
YES, SIR!

MM-HM.

ANY CONVICTED FELONS?

Men:
NO, SIR!

MM-HM.

ANY ILLEGAL DRUGS
ON THE PREMISES?

NO, SIR!

EXCELLENT.

ALL RIGHT...
BACK TO WORK.

Men:
YES, SIR!

OH, AND, UH...
KEEP IT CLEAN.

YES, SIR!

I-I MEAN... YEAH,
KEEP IT DIRTY BUT...

YES, SIR!

[ Sighing ]
FIRE ALARMS,

SPRINKLER
SYSTEMS,

HANDICAPPED
RAMP, TOILETS.

ALL UP TO CODE,
MR. SCHMIDT.

ANY RODENTS OR PESTS
ON THE PREMISES?

ONLY THE HUMAN
KIND, MR. SCHMIDT.

ALL RULES AND REGU-
LATIONS THE CORRECT
SIZE AND CLEARLY POSTED?

MEASURED TO
THE INCH.

JUST LIKE YOUR
JERKERS, MR. SCHMIDT.

WELL THEN, EDDIE...

I'D SAY WE HAVE
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

EVERY DETAIL HAS BEEN
CHECKED AND RE-CHECKED.

LET 'EM COME
AND INSPECT.

WE, AT TEDDY'S WHACK-SHACK,
ARE READY FOR THEM.

Woman:
SO HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT YOUR FIRST
CONCERT APPEARANCE?

SCARED, CONFI-
DENT, EXCITED?

Ethan:
DEFINITELY ALL
OF THE ABOVE.

Woman:
Y-Y-YOU KNOW, IT'S QUITE
A REMARKABLE ACHIEVEMENT

FOR SOMEONE SO
YOUNG, AND OBVIOUS-
LY SO GIFTED...

TO HAVE SUCH
SUDDEN SUCCESS.

I UNDERSTAND
THAT UNTIL
RECENTLY,

YOU WERE
PERFORMING ON
STREET CORNERS?

WELL, YOU GOTTA
PAY THE RENT.

[ Chuckle ]
[ Opening of door ]

WHAT'S UP?

HEY, THIS IS
JUSTIN, MY COUSIN,
AND HIS GIRL-
FRIEND, DAPHNE.

THEY LIKE TO USE
THE APARTMENT
SOMETIMES WHEN
I'M NOT HERE.

HEY, GUYS, THIS
IS ALEXA SCOTT,

SHE'S, UH...
INTERVIEWING ME
FOR THE PAPER.

RIGHT.

Ethan:
SO...

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
COME BACK ANOTHER TIME?

SURE. I'LL
SEE YOU LATER.

COME ON, DAPH.

SORRY ABOUT THE
INTERRUPTION.

AH...

JUST A COUPLE
MORE QUESTIONS.

DO YOU HAVE
A GIRLFRIEND?

I'D PREFER
NOT TO TALK
ABOUT THAT.

OH... THAT
USUALLY
MEANS YES.

Daphne:
"GIRLFRIEND"?

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

HIS AGENT DOESN'T WANT
ANYONE TO KNOW HE'S GAY.

HE THINKS IT COULD
HURT HIS CAREER.

WHO GIVES A SHIT
WHO A VIOLINIST
IS FUCKING?

DON'T ASK ME.

I AGREED TO GO
ALONG WITH IT.

YOU KNOW, BRIAN...
MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN

EVERYTHING YOU WANTED
IN A BOYFRIEND,

BUT AT LEAST
HE NEVER ASKED
YOU TO LIE.

HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS ENTIRE
FUTURE CAREER AT STAKE.

SO YOU'RE GOING
TO BE HIS "COUSIN"?

LIKE ANYONE'S DUMB
ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT.

NO ONE'S GOING TO KNOW.

JUSTIN, YOU ALMOST
DIED COMING OUT.

HOW COULD YOU GO
BACK IN FOR ANYONE?

I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT.

BUT IT'S FUCKING
UNFAIR OF HIM

TO MAKE YOU PRETEND
YOU'RE SOMETHING
THAT YOU'RE NOT.

I SAID I DIDN'T
WANT TO TALK
ABOUT IT.

SO WOULD YOU
MIND YOUR
OWN FUCKING
BUSINESS?

Emmett:
CAN YOU BELIEVE
THOSE DYKES

TELLING US
HOW WE SHOULD
DECORATE
OUR HOUSE?

DON'T THEY REALIZE
LAURA ASHLEY
WENT OUT WITH
ROTARY PHONES?

NOW, NOW.
SHOW A LITTLE
COMPASSION.

I MEAN, THEY CAN'T
HELP IT IF... AH,
THEY'RE DESIGN-
CHALLENGED.

IT WOULD LOOK
STUNNING HERE.

WHAT WOULD?

A CHAIR AND OTTOMAN
UPHOLSTERED IN
DYED BLUEBERRY
OSTRICH-SKIN.

[ Chuckle ]
WHAT DO
YOU THINK?

BRINGS OUT
YOUR EYES.
MMM.

BUT IT'S... IT'S
TOO EXPENSIVE.

WHO CARES
ABOUT COST?

THIS ISN'T AN
INVESTMENT,
IT'S A HOME.

IT'S OUR HOME.
HMM...

THIS MUST BE
A FAIRY TALE
'CAUSE I MARRIED
A PRINCE.

OO-WHOOPS!
SORRY, GUYS.

I'M JUST HERE
TO REPORT,

THE HOUSE
INSPECTOR'S
DOING JUST FINE.

NO MAJOR
PROBLEMS
SO FAR.

KNOCK WOOD.
[ Rapping on door ]

WELL...

HI, I'M SUNNY!
SUNNY REED.

ACTUALLY,
IT'S SUSANNA.

BUT EVER SINCE I
WAS A BABY, THEY
CALLED ME SUNNY,

I GUESS JUST
BECAUSE I ALWAYS
HAVE THE SUNNIEST
SMILE ON MY FACE.

OH... I...
I'M JENNIFER.

EVER SINCE
I WAS A BABY,
THEY'VE CALLED
ME JENNIFER.

WELL, WELCOME
TO THE NEIGH-
BOURHOOD.

I JUST KNOW
YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE IT HERE.

OH, THANKS.
I'M JUST THE
REALTOR,

I'M NOT THE
NEW OWNER.

THAT'D BE ME.
TED SCHMIDT.

Sunny:
HI, TED!

SUNNY!
SUNNY REED.

MY HUSBAND AND
I JUST LIVE
NEXT DOOR.

WELCOME TO THE
NEIGHBOURHOOD.

I BROUGHT YOU
A CARAMEL CAKE.

I'M FAMOUS FOR
MY CARAMEL CAKE.

BUT DON'T
WORRY, TED.

I'LL SHARE THE
RECIPE WITH
MRS. SCHMIDT.

WHERE IS
MRS. SCHMIDT?

THAT'D BE ME.

THEN YOU'RE...

THAT'D BE US.

WELL, ISN'T THAT
INTERESTING?

WELL, I JUST KNOW
YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE IT HERE.
EVERYBODY DOES.

WE JUST HAVE
THE BEST SCHOOLS
AND CHURCHES,

AND EVERYBODY
BABYSITS AND
LOOKS OUT FOR
EACH OTHER'S KIDS.

WELL, THAT
SOUNDS LIKE A
VERY FRIENDLY
GROUP OF PEOPLE,

DOESN'T
IT, GUYS?

VERY.

FRIENDLY.
Sunny:
IN FACT,

IT'S A TRADITION
THAT WE HOST A
COCKTAIL PARTY

FOR OUR NEW
ARRIVALS.

NOTHING FORMAL,
JUST A LITTLE...

"HI, WELCOME TO
THE NEIGHBOURHOOD"
KIND OF THING.

SO, HOW'S
FRIDAY AT AROUND
6:00, JUST
RIGHT NEXT DOOR?

WELL, THANK
YOU... SUNNY.

SUCH A
LOVELY HOUSE.

THE HARRISES,
THEY JUST
HAD THE MOST
EXQUISITE TASTE.

EARLY AMERICAN
FURNITURE AND
ORIENTAL RUGS...

WELL, I
SHOULD GO.
[ Laughing ]

OH, YOUR CAKE!
OH.

OH... SEE
YOU FRIDAY.

SEE YOU FRIDAY.
BYE-BYE, SUNNY.

BYE.
TOODLES.

THERE YOU GO,
MRS. SCHMIDT.

Debbie:
JEN SAID THAT
TED AND EMMETT'S
NEW HOUSE

HAS TONNES OF
CURB APPEAL.

LIKE YOU.

ALTHOUGH WHY
THOSE TWO WOULD
WANT TO LIVE

AROUND A BUNCH
OF BREEDERS
IS BEYOND ME.

A LOT OF US ARE
MOVING ON UP
THESE DAYS.

I'LL TAKE
LIBERTY AVENUE.

OH...
OH, SHIT!

WHAT?

MY GOOD RING JUST FELL
BEHIND THE FRIDGE.

YOUR GOOD RING?

YEAH, THE
ONE I GOT ON
THE TV SHOW.

FROM THE
JOAN RIVERS
COLLECTION?

Debbie:
AND DON'T SAY
A FUCKING THING
AGAINST HER.

I LIKE THAT
SHE'S GOT A
BIG, DIRTY MOUTH

THAT GETS HER
IN TROUBLE.

I WONDER WHY.

SOMEONE GIVE ME A HAND.

WHAT... MA.
W-WAIT...

SOMEONE GIVE
ME A HAND HERE.

DEBBIE, DEBBIE.
DEBBIE, DEBBIE,
DEBBIE.

Ben:
OH. LET ME DO
THAT, ALL RIGHT?

YOU'RE GONNA
HURT YOURSELF.

[ Grunts
of effort ]

ALL RIGHT.

CAN YOU SEE IT?

U-U-UMMM...

THIS?
YES!

OH, MY HERO.

[ Chuckle ]

OH. NOW THAT'S
WHAT I CALL
A REAL MAN.

WE COULD'VE
DONE THE SAME.

YEAH, WITH A FORKLIFT.

[ Chuckles ]

OH YEAH.

THANK YOU.
Ben:
OKAY.

OKAY. WELL,
I BETTER GO
WASH MY HANDS.

HAS BEN ACTUALLY
GOTTEN BIGGER SINCE
THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM?

YEAH, WELL HE'S BEEN
WORKING OUT A LOT LATELY.

AND IT SHOWS.

HMM. WHAT'S HIS SECRET?

YOU KNOW, PROTEIN
SHAKES, LOW CARB
DIET, STUFF LIKE THAT.

DOES "STUFF
LIKE THAT"
INCLUDE
STEROIDS?

IS THAT WHAT
HE'S DOING?

HE SAYS IT
PREVENTS WASTING.

WASTING? HE'S
BUILT LIKE A
BRICK SHITHOUSE.

THE STUFF IS POISON.

FOR ONE THING, IT
MAKES YOU MEANER
THAN CAT PISS.

AND FOR
ANOTHER...
FOR ANOTHER,

IT'S NONE OF
YOUR CONCERN.

IF THAT'S WHAT BEN
NEEDS TO DO TO STAY
ALIVE AND HEALTHY,

THEN... THAT'S
ALL THAT MATTERS.

Vince:
CAN'T ARGUE
THAT...

IF THAT'S THE
ONLY REASON.

I'M JIM STOCKWELL,

POLICE CHIEF AND
COACH OF MY SON'S
BASKETBALL TEAM.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN
YOU COULD SEND YOUR
KIDS TO THE PARK,

BEFORE SEX AND
DRUGS WERE AVAILABLE
ON EVERY CORNER.

AS A CRIME FIGHTER
AND A PARENT,

I'D LIKE TO SEE
THOSE TIMES AGAIN.

I KNOW YOU WOULD TOO.

VOTE FOR ME FOR MAYOR,

AND LET'S MAKE
PITTSBURGH FAMILY-
FRIENDLY ONCE MORE.

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.

Woman:
IT'S A
MUSIC VIDEO,

NOT A CAMPAIGN
ADVERTISEMENT.

THERE'S NO WAY WE'RE
GOING TO RUN THAT.

IT'S PRACTICALLY OBSCENE,

REVEALING HIS
BODY LIKE SOME
SORT OF...

SEX OBJECT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
SELLS CORN FLAKES?

THERE IS A
STRATEGY BEHIND
ALL THIS...

WHEN WE'LL AIR THE SPOT,

ON WHICH PROGRAMMES...

THOSE WITH A
STRONG FEMALE
DEMOGRAPHIC,

AGES 18-34.

ALL RIGHT, DO IT.

JIM, YOU CAN'T...

BUT IF YOU TURN
ME INTO A JOKE...

I'LL FUCKING
HAVE YOUR BALLS.

IF HE TURNS YOU
INTO A JOKE,

I'LL FUCKING
GIVE THEM TO YOU.

[ Humming of
hair dryer ]

EM?

HI, HON, I'LL
BE RIGHT OUT.

THE NEW "TRAVIATA"
JUST CAME OUT.

CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR IT.

OH YEAH?

[ Chuckling ]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

WHAT, ARE YOU...
YOU PLANNING ON
GOING STRAIGHT AGAIN,

OR IS THIS SOME KIND
OF BIZARRO, CROSS-
DRESSING PRACTICE

YOU ENGAGE
IN WHEN I'M
NOT AROUND?

I WAS JUST PUTTING
TOGETHER AN OUTFIT FOR
THE NEIGHBOURS' PARTY.

WELL, YOU'LL
FIT RIGHT IN.
[ Chuckling ]

OH, OH, AND
CHECK THIS OUT.

IT'S MY NEW COLOUR SCHEME
FOR THE LIVING ROOM.

MOCHA WALLS,

CHOCOLATE
MOHAIR COUCH,
AND, UM...

CHARCOAL TWEED
CLUB CHAIRS.

OH, IT'S...
VERY SMART, VERY
SOPHISTICATED, BUT
NOT VERY YOU.

I MEAN, WHAT...
WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE... THE
PLUM CARPET,

THE RASPBERRY
SOFA, THE...

CASABA MELON
PILLOWS?

PEACH.
OH.

WELL, I...
I HATE TO
ADMIT IT,

BUT YOU KNOW,
MAYBE MEL AND
LINZ WERE RIGHT.

IT WAS TOO...
FRUITY.

UH-HUH. SO,

INSTEAD WE GET
ASSIMILATIONIST-BEIGE,

BLEND-RIGHT-IN-BROWN
AND MAKE-NO-WAVES-GREY.

I JUST FIGURED THAT
SINCE WE'RE LEAVING
LIBERTY AVENUE,

MAYBE IT WAS TIME
WE LEFT CERTAIN OTHER
THINGS BEHIND TOO.

LIKE OUR COLOUR
SCHEME, OUR
SELF-RESPECT?
I MEAN, WHAT...

WHATEVER HAPPENED
"TO FUCK 'EM ALL"
HONEYCUTT?

BACK IN
HAZELHURST,

I USED TO LOOK
UP AT THOSE HOUSES
ON THE HILL,

YOU KNOW,
WHERE THE RIGHT
PEOPLE LIVED?

AND DREAM THAT
ONE DAY, I WOULD
LIVE THERE TOO.

AND NOW THAT MY
DREAM IS FINALLY
COMING TRUE, I...

I JUST... I
DON'T WANT PEOPLE
THINKING TH...

THAT WE'RE THE
FAGS NEXT DOOR?

WELL, THAT'S
WHAT WE'RE GOING
TO BE NO MATTER
WHAT YOU DO.

AND IF THEY
DON'T SAY IT
TO OUR FACE,

THEY'LL SAY IT
BEHIND OUR BACKS.

WAIT THERE.

[ Distant wailing
of sirens ]

THIS IS WHAT
THE WELL-DRESSED
QUEER WILL
BE WEARING

ON FRIDAY
NIGHT.

I LOVE THAT
SHIRT. ISN'T
IT SO CUTE?

[ Mixed chatter ]

Ben:
PERFECT.
ALL RIGHT, MAN.

THANK YOU. I
APPRECIATE IT.

I DIDN'T
SEE YOU.

GUESS NOT.

[ Sniffing ]

YOU DON'T USUALLY, UH,

WORK OUT THIS TIME
OF DAY, DO YOU?

NOT USUALLY.

LOOK, IT'S NOT
WHAT YOU THINK.

I THINK IT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I THINK.

MICHAEL TOLD ME
HE WAS GOING TO
TALK TO YOU.

HUH.

YEAH, WELL HE DID.

AND HE UNDERSTANDS.

WELL, THAT'S
MICHAEL.

ALWAYS
UNDERSTANDING.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST MIND YOUR
OWN BUSINESS?

IF IT WAS JUST
YOU, I WOULD.

AS MY DEAR OLD
DAD USED TO SAY,

YOU'RE THREE TIMES SEVEN.

BUT IT'S NOT
JUST YOU.

YOU'RE TAKING HIM
DOWN WITH YOU.

I DO NOT NEED TO
BE LECTURED BY
THE BIGGEST WHORE
IN PITTSBURGH.

YOU ARE FUCKING
LUCKY YOU'RE
NOT POSITIVE.

[ Grunt ]

Ethan:
YOU ALL
RIGHT?

SURE.

REALLY?

IT WAS THE
INTERVIEW.

NO. I DON'T
GIVE A SHIT
ABOUT THAT.

HUH, DAPHNE WAS
PRETTY PISSED
OFF, THOUGH.

PASSING ME OFF
AS YOUR COUSIN.

WELL, COME ON.
I HAD TO THINK
OF SOMETHING.

MMM?
MMM.

IS THIS HOW
IT'S GOING TO
BE FROM NOW ON?

LYING, PLAYING
GAMES...

NOW YOU'RE
GOING AWAY.

TO HARRISBURG
FOR ONE NIGHT.

IT'S NOT LIKE
I'M GOING ON
A WORLD TOUR.

THAT'S NEXT.
I WISH.

LOOK.

WHO KNOWS
WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN?
HMM.

I COULD BOMB,
AND THAT'LL BE
THE END OF IT.

BUT IF
THIS WORKS...

WE COULD HAVE
THIS AMAZING LIFE.

I WAS THINKING,
WE COULD BUY
A FARMHOUSE,

WITH A
STUDIO, AND A
PRACTICE ROOM.

HUH... YOU
DREAM BIG.

WHY NOT? DOESN'T
COST ANYTHING.

GOD, YOU'RE
SUCH A ROMANTIC.

I HATE THAT
YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO BE
THERE WITH ME.

NOT AS
MUCH AS ME.

HOW AM I GOING
TO PERFORM
WITHOUT MY MUSE?

YOU'LL
DO FINE.

BESIDES, YOU
ALWAYS SAID I
WAS DISTRACTING.

DON'T YOU KNOW
I WAS PLAYING
JUST FOR YOU?

[ Chuckle ]

Both:
[ Heavy breathing ]

YOU'RE NOT READY.

WELL, COME ON.
GET DRESSED.

YOU DON'T WANT
TO MISS ALL THAT
HOT MALE ACTION.

WHAT'S
THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

THIS.

HOW'D YOU
GET THAT?

WHAT? DID ONE OF YOUR SEX
PARTNERS GET CARRIED AWAY?

NO, ONE
OF YOURS.

YOUR BOYFRIEND PRACTICALLY
STUFFED ME INTO A LOCKER.

WHAT? HOW COME?

WELL, IT SEEMS I
SAID SOMETHING ABOUT
HIS STEROID USE

HE TOOK
OBJECTION TO.

WHY'D YOU SAY
ANYTHING AT ALL?

UM...

BECAUSE IT'S
UNDIGNIFIED FOR
A UNIVERSITY
PROFESSOR

AND NOT-SO-BEST-
SELLING AUTHOR

TO BE SEEN MAKING
DRUG DEALS IN
A LOCKER ROOM.

YOU SAW HIM?
YEAH.

AND NOW I'LL BE
FORCED TO SIT AT HOME,

NOT WEARING MY MOST
FABULOUS NEW SLEEVELESS
SHIRT TO BABYLON.

I'M REALLY SORRY.

YEAH, LIKE
THAT MAKES UP
FOR THE FACT

THAT I'LL BE
SCARRED FOR LIFE.

WELL, YOU CAN...
TELL PEOPLE YOU
GOT IT DUELLING.

I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GOING TO
TALK TO HIM.
I DID.

HE SAID IT'S
SOMETHING HE
NEEDS TO DO.

[ Scoffing ]
BEN NEEDS MORE
MUSCLES LIKE I
NEED ANOTHER COCK.

HE SAID HE'S
AWARE OF THE
SIDE EFFECTS.

LIKE PRACTICAL-
LY MURDERING

HIS LOVER'S
BEST FRIEND?

WELL, IF
YOU'RE COOL
SLEEPING WITH
YOUR EYES OPEN

AND A HATCHET
UNDER YOUR
PILLOW, THAT'S
YOUR BUSINESS.

JUST KEEP
HIM THE FUCK
AWAY FROM ME.

Ethan:
OKAY, I GOT
MY RENTED TUX,

MY TRAIN
TICKET...

"MISCHA".

OKAY, I
GUESS THAT'S
EVERYTHING.

EXCEPT YOU.

IT'S OKAY.
YOU'LL BE
BACK TOMORROW.

I LOVE
STIFF-UPPER-LIP
GOODBYES.

SO MRS. MINIVER.

WHO'S SHE?

IT'S FROM
AN OLD MOVIE.
DON'T YOU KNOW
ANYTHING?

I'M AN IDIOT.

AH, SHUT UP.
CAREFUL.

THERE MIGHT BE
PAPARAZZI LURKING
ON THE ROOFTOP.

FUCK 'EM.

LOOK!
[ Chuckling ]

Children:
[ Mocking
laughter ]

I'LL BE THINKING
ABOUT YOU,

EVERY STEP OF
THE WAY, WISHING
YOU WERE THERE.

ME TOO.

YOU WILL BE.
OH GOD.

WHAT A CORNBALL.

IT'S WHY
YOU LOVE ME.

[ Closing of cab door ]

[ Mixed chatter ]

THIS IS AMAZING.
JUST AMAZING.

YOU'VE GONE UP
EIGHT POINTS
IN THE POLLS.

THERE WAS EVEN AN
EDITORIAL IN THE
PAPER THIS MORNING.

GOOD OR BAD?
IT WAS MIXED.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
AS LONG AS
THEY'RE TALKING
ABOUT YOU.

AND ALL SINCE
YOUR COMMER-
CIALS AIRED.

YEAH, ALL OF THOSE
YEARS OF SIT-UPS
FINALLY PAID OFF.

WELL, WE'VE BEEN
GETTING CALLS ABOUT
IT ALL MORNING.

I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW, I HAD
EVERY FAITH IN YOU.

NO, YOU
DIDN'T.

BUT YOU TOOK A
CHANCE ANYWAY.

Vance:
SO, UH...

WHAT'S OUR
RESIDENT
GENIUS HAVE
IN MIND NOW?

Jim: [ On TV ]
I'M JIM STOCKWELL,

POLICE CHIEF, AND
COACH OF MY SON'S
BASKETBALL TEAM.

THERE WAS A TIME...

KEEP YOUR FACE
IN THE NEWS.

I'LL KEEP YOUR
FACE ON THE SCREEN.

Jim: [ On TV ]
...AVAILABLE ON
EVERY CORNER.

AS A CRIME FIGHTER
AND A PARENT...

HUH, COME ON.

WE'RE THE GUESTS
OF HONOUR. IT'S
RUDE TO BE LATE.

MY INTUITION
TELLS ME THINGS
ARE NOT GOING TO
GO WELL TONIGHT.

WELL, YOUR
INTUITION ALSO
TOLD YOU MADONNA

WAS GOING TO WIN
THE OSCAR FOR
"EVITA", SO...

SHE SO DESERVED IT.

[ Sigh ]
LOOK,

NO MATTER WHAT
HAPPENS IN
THERE TONIGHT,
JUST REMEMBER,

THIS IS
WHAT PRIDE
IS ALL ABOUT.

WHY OUR
FOREFATHERS
AND FORE...

DRAG QUEENS
STOOD THEIR
GROUND AT
STONEWALL...

SO THAT WE COULD
BUY A HOUSE IN
A NEIGHBOURHOOD
LIKE THIS.

[ Chiming of doorbell ]

Sunny:
OH, THERE
YOU TWO ARE!

COME ON IN!

OH-H-H!

[ Party chatter ]

OH MY GOODNESS,
LOOK AT THAT!

I CAN'T WEAR
PASTELS, THEY MAKE
ME LOOK SO DUMPY.

BUT YOU GAYS CAN
WEAR ANYTHING.

SUCH BEAUTIFUL BODIES.

YOU PUT OUR
HUSBANDS TO SHAME!

SPEAKING OF
THE DEVIL, MY
HUSBAND, DENNIS.

DEN, OUR
NEW NEIGHBOURS,
FRED AND EMILE.

UH, IT'S TED.

EMMETT.
[ Chuckling ]

GLAD YOU
COULD MAKE IT.

WE KNOW YOU BOYS
PROBABLY HAVE
A LOT MORE...

EXCITING THINGS
TO DO ON A
FRIDAY NIGHT.

WELL, ACTUALLY...
THEY DON'T
NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT KILLER
KROTCH NITE
AT BABYLON.

HOW ABOUT
A DRINK?

I WOULD GIVE
MY LEFT TIT...

I MEAN, MY LEFT ARM, FOR
A, UH... FOR A COSMO.

Sunny:
EVERYBODY!
WELL...

THESE ARE THE
BOYS WHO BOUGHT
THE HARRIS HOUSE.

Women:
[ Squeals of welcome ]

Woman:
HI!

I'M DEDE AND
THIS IS PHIL.

WE LIVE ACROSS
THE STREET.

HI.
WELL, SUNNY
HAS TOLD US

ALL ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW,
OUR FAVOURITE
TV SHOW

IS THAT GAY
DRAMA, UH...

WHAT'S IT
CALLED?

"GAY AS",
UH....

UH...
SOMETHING.

"GAY AS BLAZES"?
THAT'S IT!

OH, WE LOVE
THE CHARACTERS.

YOU KNOW,
GAY PEOPLE

HAVE THE
SAME PROBLEMS
THAT WE DO.

I-ISN'T IT
AMAZING?
YEAH.

[ Giggling ]

WE'RE THE
MAYERHOFFS.

HI.

YOU MUST COME
TO THE SCHOOL
MUSICAL.

WE'RE DOING "MAME",
AND OUR 12-YEAR-OLD
OLIVIA IS MAME.

OH?
NOT UNTIL THEY
COME TO MY HOUSE
FOR DINNER.

I HAVE A COUSIN
WHO'S A LESBIAN.

BIG DEAL. MY
BROTHER IS
A TRANNY.

WHAT THE
HELL'S THAT?

Man:
SOME PEOPLE ARE
SO IGNORANT,
AREN'T THEY?

A TRANSSEXUAL.
RIGHT, GUYS?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
THAT'S... RIGHT.
UH, IT'S...
IT'S TOTALLY

WHAT WE
CALL THEM.
T- T...
TRANNY. TRA...

Dennis:
DRINKS?

All:
CHEERS! CHEERS!

All:
[ Laughing ]

Dede:
WELCOME TO OUR
NEW NEIGHBOURS.

HAPPY HOME-OWNING!

[ Mixed chatter ]

Ethan:
SO WHAT DID
YOU THINK?

All:
[ Clapping ]

[ Indistinct
comments ]

JUST TERRIFIC.
THANK YOU.

THRILLING
PERFORMANCE.

AND YOU WERE
SO PASSIONATE.

I TEND TO GET
INVOLVED WITH
WHAT I'M PLAYING.

AND TO STEP IN
LIKE THAT, AT
THE LAST MINUTE.

MOST IMPRESSIVE.

IT WAS A
PRIVILEGE TO
PERFORM, SIR.
THANK YOU.

YOU PLAY YOUR
ADMIRERS ALMOST
AS WELL AS
YOUR VIOLIN.

I DIDN'T WORK
STREET CORNERS
FOR NOTHING.

Man:
WELL DONE,
MR. GOLD.

NEXT TIME,
WE GET A TUX
THAT FITS.

YOU MEAN THERE'S
ACTUALLY GOING TO
BE A NEXT TIME?

I SPOKE WITH
THE BUFFALO
SYMPHONY.

THEY WANT TO
INCLUDE YOU IN
THEIR "EMERGING
ARTISTS SERIES."

NO SHIT!
MR. GOLD?

WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU. THANK
YOU VERY MUCH!

I'LL CALL YOU
WHEN I GET BACK
TO NEW YORK WITH
THE DETAILS, OKAY?

[ Indistinct
conversation ]

[ Inaudible ]

[ Inaudible ]

COCKTAIL FRANK?

UH, IT'S TED.

[ Giggling ]

THANK YOU, SUNNY.

WHAT LINE ARE
YOU IN, EMMETT?

I, UH, I WORK AT
A SMALL GENTLEMAN'S
HABERDASHERY,

ON LIBERTY AVENUE.

OH, THE
GAY STREET!

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

Sunny:
COCKTAIL FRANK?
NO, THANK YOU.

BUT WHAT I
REALLY WANT TO DO

IS BE A PARTY
PLANNER.

MAYBE YOU COULD
HELP PLAN MY
HOLIDAY PARTY.

Dede:
AND MINE!

OH, AND MINE!

NO, THAT WOULD
BE GREAT!

AH!
[ Laughter ]

AND YOUR
INTUITION TOLD
YOU TONIGHT WOULD
BE A DISASTER.

[ Chiming of doorbell ]

[ Laughter ]

CAN I HELP
YOU, OFFICERS?

IS SOMEONE
DOUBLE-PARKED?

UH, WE WERE
TOLD WE MIGHT
FIND A...

THEODORE SCHMIDT
HERE, MA'AM.

HIS OFFICE
GAVE US THIS
ADDRESS.

OUR NEW NEIGHBOUR.

HE'S RIGHT IN HERE.

[ Mixed chatter ]

Woman:
LITTLE SLEEPERS,
BABY POWDER...

THEODORE SCHMIDT?

Woman:
OH...

YEAH, THAT'S,
UH... RIGHT.

CAN I... CAN I
HELP YOU, OFFICERS?

YOU'RE UNDER
ARREST,
MR. SCHMIDT.

A-ARREST?

FOR WHAT?

CONTRIBUTING TO
THE DELINQUENCY
OF A MINOR.

TH... THAT'S
VERY FLATTERING,
OFFICER. I...

KNOW I LOOK WAY
YOUNGER THAN MY
YEARS, BUT...

AN INSPECTION
OF YOUR PORNO-
GRAPHIC WEBSITE
ESTABLISHMENT

FOUND AN UNDER-
AGE EMPLOYEE ON
YOUR PREMISES.

HUH! NO, THAT...
THAT'S ABSURD.

I CHECKED AND DOUBLE-
CHECKED EVERYONE.

THERE ARE NO UNDER-
AGE EMPLOYEES.

WHAT ABOUT
EDWARD STEWART MALONE?

EDDIE? HE...
HE'S MY ASSISTANT.

HE WON'T BE
18 FOR ANOTHER
3 MONTHS.

Various:
GOOD LORD. OH-H!

EDDIE'S 21!

NOT ACCORDING
TO HIS BIRTH
CERTIFICATE.

B-BUT, HE...
HE'S SO TALL.

WANT TO
COME ALONG?

OFFICER NORTON
HERE WILL READ
YOU THE MIRANDA.

EM...

UH, UH...

UH, TH-THANK
YOU, SUNNY,

THANK YOU,
DENNIS, UM...

WELL, EVERYONE, AS... AS
SOON AS WE GET MOVED IN,

WE'RE GOING... HAVE A...
A... A BIG OL' BARBECUE.

AND YOU'RE...

YOU'RE ALL INVITED. SO...

Various:
OH... GOODNESS.
OH, YOU JUST NEVER
KNOW ABOUT PEOPLE.

Ben:
[ Vomiting ]

[ Moaning ]

[ Spitting ]

[ Flushing of toilet ]
[ Cough ]

CAN I DO
ANYTHING?
AGH.

[ Splashing of water ]

[ Spitting ]

[ Sighing ]

MMMM.

MUST BE SOME-
THING I ATE.
OR THE STEROIDS.

WE ALREADY HAD
THAT CONVERSATION.

IT'S FUCKING
YOU UP.

IT IS NOT
FUCKING ME UP.

YEAH, IT IS.
AND YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW IT.

CHRIST, YOU
EVEN HIT BRIAN.

I DID NOT HIT HIM!

WELL, SHOVED
HIM, MADE
HIM BLEED,

WHATEVER. BUT YOU
CAN'T JUST GO AROUND
SHOVING PEOPLE

AND ACTING
ALL CRAZY.
OH, NOW
I'M CRAZY?

UH, FUCK YOU!

YOU'RE NOT
CRAZY. YOU
JUST...

SOMETIMES YOU
ACT THAT WAY.

YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND
ANYTHING.

UNDERSTAND
WHAT?

WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO WAKE UP
EVERY MORNING

AND REMEMBER,
"OH YEAH, I'VE
GOT THIS THING."

BECAUSE YOU
DON'T HAVE
THIS THING.

YOU NEVER
HAVE TO TAKE A
MOUTHFUL OF MEDS,

NEVER KNOWING
WHEN THEY'LL
STOP WORKING,

NEVER KNOWING WHEN
A FUCKING COUGH OR
A FUCKING SNIFFLE

MAY LAND YOU IN
THE HOSPITAL,
BECAUSE TO YOU,

MICHAEL, IT IS JUST
A FUCKING COUGH OR
A FUCKING SNIFFLE!

AND EVERY TIME
I GO TO KISS YOU

OR SUCK YOU
OR FUCK YOU,

EVEN WHEN WE'RE
PROTECTED, EVEN
THEN THERE'S STILL
THIS SHITTY,

NAGGING DOUBT
THAT MAYBE, JUST
MAYBE, YOU COULD
GET INFECTED.

SOMETIMES I
JUST THINK...
WHAT?

SOMETIMES YOU
JUST THINK WHAT?

THAT IT MIGHT
JUST BE EASIER

TO BE WITH SOMEONE
WHO'S POSITIVE.

[ Slamming of door ]

[ Sniffling ]

♪ MY EYES BURN NAKED ♪

♪ MY BLACK COLD NUMBERS ♪

♪ MY INSECURITIES ♪

♪ MY DEVIOUS NATURE ♪

♪ MAKE IT GO AWAY ♪

BUY YOU ANOTHER ONE?

NO THANKS.

WHERE'S YOUR FIANCE?

HE'S PLAYING SOMEWHERE.

WELL, LUCKILY...

YOU HAVE THIS.

SEE YA.

♪ MY EYES BURN NAKED ♪

♪ MY BLACK COLD NUMBERS ♪

♪ MY INSECURITIES ♪

♪ MY DEVIOUS NATURE ♪

♪ MAKE IT GO AWAY ♪

♪ MY REST BETWEEN RUBBER ♪

♪ MY SPIDER SHADOW ♪

♪ MY SHATTERED DANCER ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ BROKEN ♪

♪ MY CRYSTAL FINGERS ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ BROKEN ♪

♪ MY CRYSTAL FINGERS ♪

♪ MY GLASS LIKE RAIN ♪

♪ MY ILLUMINATION ♪

♪ MY CRACKS ARE SLIDING ♪

MOO.