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- When I first came to America,
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I found a land of opportunity
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where your greatest wish could come true
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if only you were willing to fight for it.
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So what do you wish for?
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Danger?
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Speed?
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Brutality? Freedom?
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What if I said you can have all that and more
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with "Twisted Metal"?
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"Twisted Metal" is a 22 episode reality TV competition
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sending 16 combatants
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into a high stakes demolition derby.
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The only rule? Survive.
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Okay.
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From the Middle Ages to March Madness,
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tournaments have enthralled the masses.
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But we are spicing things up
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with cars, guns, and celebrities.
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- Wait, you got Wesley?
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- Well, no, that's just an example.
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But-but Carson is very into the concept.
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Yeah. In future seasons,
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we'll go national, global.
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The world will be a battleground.
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Just imagine Hong Kong, Paris,
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cars driving up the Eiffel Tower.
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- I don't mean to interrupt your pitch, Mr. Sparks,
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but, um, this seems very expensive.
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I mean, the cars alone.
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- Which is why we will require drivers
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to bring their own vehicles.
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Picture it.
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Jay Leno facing off against Jerry Seinfeld
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as they drive classic cars
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from their own personal collections.
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- Yeah, no one's doing that.
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- And what exactly are they fighting for?
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I mean, these are people who have everything.
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- That's a great question. Just let me skip ahead.
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The winner of my tournament
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will get their greatest wish granted.
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- Hmm, okay.
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What if they want a billion dollars?
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We can't shoulder that cost.
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- Well, you wouldn't have to.
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I mean, you know what they say.
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Be careful what you wish for.
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- So no one wins?
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I'm not really sure how that will play
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in primetime. - Yeah.
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- Right. Ah.
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Do you know why you can't look away from a car accident?
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Instinct.
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It triggers something in your brain.
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You have no choice but to look,
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to question your own mortality.
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That is what we will put on screen.
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America won't look away.
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And if you own the eyes of America,
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then you own the world.
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- NBC already owns the eyes of America.
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It's called "Friends."
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Well, uh, thanks for coming in.
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We have something new called "BattleBots,"
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which is very similar to your idea.
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So, right now we're a-- we're a pass.
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Pass? - Pass.
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- Pass.
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- I want my five minutes back.
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- Very well.
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Shortsighted fools.
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"BattleBots"?
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Well, if the world isn't ready, then...
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Well, then I'll just wait until it is.
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- Quiet! - May!
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- Quiet! Oh, I'm sorry!
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Oh, I'm so sorry.
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I knew about the Minion thing, and I should've told you,
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but I didn't, and I just--
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oh, God, it's all my fault.
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- None of that shit matters now.
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You got me?
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- Yeah, but-but-- but John, I mean,
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what do we do?
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- We keep fighting.
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Pop the hood and get behind the wheel.
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- Oh, fuck yeah!
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- All right, John.
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If you're still in there,
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this is gonna suck.
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Clear!
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Come on, wake up!
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- Jell-O!
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- John?
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- Quiet? Did we win?
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- All right, he's set!
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Whoa, a bomb?
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- Yeah. It was a massacre.
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- I don't feel so bad about losing,
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knowing the tournament got cut short.
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- No, uh, someone did win.
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Stu. - Stu?!
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Are you fucking--
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Now I feel worse.
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- Hey, look, I hate to cut this reunion short,
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but seeing as we don't have unlimited gas,
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it'd be really great if someone told me where I was driving.
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- I don't know. The Dolls could be anywhere by now.
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- Just head north.
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- Finally, a map I can read.
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- Now the real game begins.
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Well, well, well,
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if it isn't my champion.
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Congratulations, Stu.
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- Give me my wish.
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- And what a wish it is, a real whopper.
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Are you sure you want it?
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Because there's no going back.
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- Buckle me up, Stu.
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Oh, man, what a fantastic toilet.
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Hey, where'd that door come from?
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Wow, what service!
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- I wish to go somewhere safe,
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away from all this,
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just me and Mike.
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Give me my fucking wish.
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- Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.
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- What?
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No. No!
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What the fuck?!
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What the fuck?!
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- We're here.
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You coming?
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You want to go in first?
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- No. You do the honors.
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- Door's a little sticky.
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- Oh. I'm sorry. This is--
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This is your house. You go first.
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- Jeez, was your grandpa Davy Crockett?
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- No fucking way!
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Oh!
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Ha! Suck it, losers.
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This bed is mine!
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Oh, holy shit.
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This is the life.
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- Did that chair just turn on?
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- There's power. How?
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- There must be a genny somewhere.
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"So-lar energy."
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Sounds like gas from the future.
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- Cool.
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- Well, aren't you full of surprises?
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Hey, John.
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I hope you like your chicken soup chunky.
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John?
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You calling dibs on this room?
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- No need to.
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It was mine.
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No way.
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- It's a lot.
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- Yeah.
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I never missed somebody like this.
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Like a big black hole.
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- It sucks.
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I think that's why I needed to win the tournament.
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Not just for the outsiders, but...
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But for her.
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Then I fucked it all up.
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- No, you didn't.
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- Yeah, I did.
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We lost. I lost.
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- You were just trying to make things better.
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- Maybe in this world, that's just not possible.
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So...
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It's time we did something
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for us.
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It's our turn.
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We can make our own life here.
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- No more cars?
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And no more violence?
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Just us.
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- So not just us.
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- You guys, I found a--
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I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
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- By... - By...
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- The. - The-the-the-
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the fire.
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- When casting a line,
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you have to be gentle, like with the clutch.
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Right? Pull too hard,
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you won't be able to get your car in gear.
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Now, in this scenario, the car is the fish.
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The hook is the gear. Or is that the other way around?
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What the hell are you doing?!
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- I'm fishing.
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- Listen to someone who's done this before.
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Can't shoot what you can't see.
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- Got one.
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- That's a lucky shot. Meanwhile, Mayhem and I
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are going to fish the right way.
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Fine. I guess we're wasting ammo today.
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- Got one. Oh, headshot.
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- Tonight I've prepared trout
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execution style.
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- Oh, damn, that looks good.
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Oye, May! Dinner!
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- In a minute! - We're not waiting for you!
209
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- So how's ax training going?
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- Oh, pretty good.
211
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- She's already nailing cans from 20 yards away.
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Wow, this is so good.
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You're doing the cooking from now on.
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- Yeah, well, Quiet shouldn't really get
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within 50 feet of a pot anyway.
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- Um, excuse me. I didn't hear you complaining
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when you were scarfing down my squirrel souffle.
218
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- Yeah, 'cause she was stuffing that shit in her pockets
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and taking it to the trash. - Dude!
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- What?! - You fucking narc!
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- What? It's okay. What?!
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Look, babe, we keep you around for your personality
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and your ax skills, that's it.
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- Greetings
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to my loyal "Twisted Metal" viewers.
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I come to you with a heavy heart.
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Our country is still reeling
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from the senseless act of violence
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committed at my tournament.
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Hundreds of innocent insiders were brutally murdered.
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In response, the mega cities have formed an alliance,
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the United Treaty of Insiders.
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- We have conducted a thorough investigation
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and discovered the identity of the bombers.
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It was two competitors,
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John Doe and Quiet.
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- What?!
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- I wish for all the walls to come down
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in every city, everywhere.
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It's time for the outsiders
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to get their fair share.
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- Dudes, what the fuck?
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That's not us.
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How'd they get my vest?
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- Prom.
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These evil acts
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are a declaration of war against all insiders everywhere.
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We will not let this attack on our way of life stand.
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The tournament was meant to be
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an olive branch to the outsiders.
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Unfortunately, that branch was burned.
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So now we will burn you.
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The insiders are done hiding.
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We will take back our nation by any means necessary.
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And when the outsiders are gone,
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we will finally be free,
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and there will be no more need for walls.
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Anyone who supports John and Quiet
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will be regarded as hostile.
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And anyone that delivers them to us
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will be celebrated as a hero.
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Either way, we will have justice.
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- My viewers,
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keep your eyes on your screens.
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Stay vigilant.
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Stay safe.
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00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:03,721
And, John and Quiet,
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if you are out there watching,
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just know that there is nowhere to run.
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The world will be a battleground!
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- How the hell did it find us?
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- Touch her again and I'll show you
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what we do with fish around here.
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Krista?
275
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,502
Krista, is that you?
276
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:18,337
You wish.
277
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:22,424
Oh, shit.
278
00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:24,343
Krista. Okay, Krista,
279
00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:25,594
it's me, your brother.
280
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:27,847
Do you remember me?
281
00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:33,228
Guess that's a no.
282
00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,940
Oh, god!
283
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,560
Quiet, May,
284
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:15,644
we gotta get out of here.
285
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:17,688
- Where's Minion?
286
00:23:17,689 --> 00:23:19,189
- It's Krista. - What?
287
00:23:19,190 --> 00:23:21,650
- Krista? What about Minion? - No, Krista is the Minion!
288
00:23:21,651 --> 00:23:24,069
- Shit! - See?
289
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:27,114
- Oh my God.
290
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:31,118
- Hey!
291
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,085
Come with me if you don't want to die.
292
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:41,295
- Stu?
293
00:23:41,296 --> 00:23:43,339
- It's like Stu-point-oh.
294
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:46,342
- Go! I'll hold her off.
295
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:47,801
Go, I say!
296
00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:51,263
Good night, Minion.
297
00:23:52,891 --> 00:23:53,891
Oh, shit.
298
00:23:53,892 --> 00:23:54,933
- Well, yeah.
299
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:55,769
- My hero!
300
00:24:18,124 --> 00:24:18,875
Run!
301
00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:40,355
Sorry, sis.
302
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:21,520
- I was up there in space, all alone for months.
303
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:23,689
But all that me time gave me time
304
00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,524
to work on me.
305
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:26,942
- Okay?
306
00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:28,694
- My whole life, it's been Mike and Stu,
307
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:30,112
or Sweet Tooth and Stu.
308
00:25:30,113 --> 00:25:32,156
I was done being someone else's sidekick.
309
00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:33,158
So I started working out.
310
00:25:35,618 --> 00:25:38,704
Pushups, biceps, I worked all the major muscles.
311
00:25:38,705 --> 00:25:40,247
I learned the mechanics of the pod,
312
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:42,666
timed the orbit to crash into the Great Lakes.
313
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,418
And then I started making my way to the cabin.
314
00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:45,794
- How'd you know about the cabin?
315
00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:47,796
- Are you kidding? You talked about it constantly.
316
00:25:47,797 --> 00:25:48,881
Everyone knew about it.
317
00:25:48,882 --> 00:25:50,132
We turned it into a drinking game.
318
00:25:50,133 --> 00:25:51,092
- Oh, yeah.
319
00:25:54,012 --> 00:25:55,721
- I drew a map of it from memory.
320
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,431
That cat is actually a horse.
321
00:25:57,432 --> 00:25:59,683
I'm bad at drawing horses.
322
00:25:59,684 --> 00:26:02,561
- Un-fucking-believable.
323
00:26:13,031 --> 00:26:15,824
So what's the plan?
324
00:26:15,825 --> 00:26:18,494
- The insiders declared war on the outsiders.
325
00:26:18,495 --> 00:26:19,828
We should join the fight.
326
00:26:19,829 --> 00:26:22,164
- No, fuck that. We should run.
327
00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:24,750
- Calypso blamed us for the bombing.
328
00:26:24,751 --> 00:26:27,419
There's a target on our backs.
329
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:28,963
There's nowhere safe to go.
330
00:26:31,466 --> 00:26:33,258
- Yeah.
331
00:26:33,259 --> 00:26:35,469
I'm not running anymore.
332
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:37,304
- Why are you smiling?
333
00:26:37,305 --> 00:26:40,140
- What? I always smile. - Not like that.
334
00:26:40,141 --> 00:26:41,433
That's a "I have a plan,
335
00:26:41,434 --> 00:26:43,977
but you're not going to like it" kind of smile.
336
00:26:43,978 --> 00:26:46,647
- This war between the outsiders and the insiders,
337
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,440
it's a game, and it's rigged.
338
00:26:48,441 --> 00:26:51,443
The deck will always be stacked against people like us,
339
00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:54,863
unless we take down the dealer.
340
00:26:54,864 --> 00:26:57,116
- Oh, my God, you're not serious.
341
00:26:57,117 --> 00:26:59,535
- Oh, I'm serious.
342
00:26:59,536 --> 00:27:01,453
- Wait, I-I'm not following.
343
00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:03,622
- Me neither.
344
00:27:03,623 --> 00:27:06,834
- I'm going to kill Calypso.
345
00:27:06,835 --> 00:27:09,837
He started this whole war, and he changed my sister.
346
00:27:09,838 --> 00:27:11,797
- I don't think she's your sister anymore.
347
00:27:11,798 --> 00:27:13,298
She's Minion or...
348
00:27:13,299 --> 00:27:15,009
- It doesn't matter what she calls herself
349
00:27:15,010 --> 00:27:17,845
or the fact she looks at me like I'm a stranger.
350
00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:20,514
She's still my sister.
351
00:27:20,515 --> 00:27:23,142
Krista's in there.
352
00:27:23,143 --> 00:27:25,936
The way I see it, we take out Calypso,
353
00:27:25,937 --> 00:27:28,647
we get our lives back,
354
00:27:28,648 --> 00:27:31,358
we might get her back too.
355
00:27:35,113 --> 00:27:40,409
- So you want to travel across a warzone
356
00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:43,538
and hunt down the most dangerous man alive?
357
00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:46,374
Yeah, I'm in.
358
00:27:48,126 --> 00:27:49,960
- Uh, did you miss the part
359
00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:52,171
where Calypso sent me to space? - Oh.
360
00:27:52,172 --> 00:27:54,798
And fully reanimated your sister's corpse?
361
00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:55,967
- He's right.
362
00:28:00,055 --> 00:28:02,931
We're going to need help.
363
00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:05,768
- We don't need help.
364
00:28:05,769 --> 00:28:07,853
We need cars.
365
00:28:55,443 --> 00:28:56,610
- I gotta say, that was
366
00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:58,570
the best night's sleep I've had in years.
367
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:03,284
What the fuck?
368
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:06,495
- All right, fellas, best untie me
369
00:29:06,496 --> 00:29:08,747
before I hammer throw your shitty little car
370
00:29:08,748 --> 00:29:10,916
into that river over there.
371
00:29:10,917 --> 00:29:12,960
- Hey, yeah, no can do, pal.
372
00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:15,587
We got strict orders to bring your ass in chains.
373
00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:17,464
- Oh, yeah? From who?
374
00:29:17,465 --> 00:29:18,716
- Your pops.
375
00:29:18,717 --> 00:29:21,010
His Holiness saw you fight the tournament.
376
00:29:21,011 --> 00:29:22,803
He's, uh, real impressed
377
00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:24,763
with what's become of his legacy.
378
00:29:24,764 --> 00:29:26,015
- Daddy?
25236
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