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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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Just tighten.

Really sing out.

Walter, it's going to be-- you'll be great.

You'll be great. Yeah.

You look fine.

Just turn it around to face you.

Yeah.

You look great.

[WHISPERING]

Perfect.

Nervous.

Oh, you'll be perfect.

You look perfect. - Muah.

Muah. Don't worry.

You'll be fine.

- I found my boots. - Yeah.

Yeah. Where's your whip?

Where's your whip? Where's your whip?

There. There.

There. There.

There. Yeah.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Listen, I got something I need to tell you, OK.

You're not going to want to be my friend,

and I think you probably won't want to work with me again,

but I just got to tell you OK.

I know we're about to go on, but can I just get it off my chest?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did fuck him.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Do you still love me? - Yes.

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

WOMAN: [INAUDIBLE] the way he's bad

or just he's not a good man.

He's unlucky. - Oh.

WOMAN: Rabbit.

[SINGING] Evil is a sly, oh, evil

[INAUDIBLE] just not matter not as [INAUDIBLE] know your name.

Lily.

Lily, try and do that phrase all in one breath.

I know I could do it.

[MEOW]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

WOMAN: Is it subject matter really

and it's good material to take into a prison's

lifers or themes.

The brutalization, murder, the descent into madness.

And it was the only way we could get the funding.

WOMAN: That's a bit like it.

WOMAN: That's not true everybody.

It's not true.

I have played Mrs. Lovett in a prison production before.

WOMAN: Did you go out last night?

No. No.

Lying cow.

You reek.

MAN: --is it therapeutic for the prisoners--

Tell me all.

MAN: --or are we just exploiting them for the publicity?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BIRDS SQUAWKING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey everybody.

We're here.

I think we're going to cause a bit of a stir.

I can't imagine they've seen anything quite like us before.

[INAUDIBLE] if you could get over and give a sermon

to my boss, please mate?

But the next three weeks are going to be tough.

There are pros and cons. We're the pros.

They're the cons.

[LAUGHTER]

The facilities are basic, but you are a fantastic cast.

And I think with your talent and your skill,

that combined with the raw energy of the prisoners,

we're really going to do something spectacular.

Crucially get a lot of press attention

and an outside audience, which will

really put the company on the map,

which is where I want to be.

Say today Her Majesty's Prison.

Tomorrow, La Scala.

[LAUGHTER]

If we could just hurry up a bit.

Hi.

We're knackered.

I'm Kevin.

I'm the principal officer on the lifers wing of her Majesty's

Prisons, Seaworth.

I hope you you have an enjoyable stay.

Hopefully, not as long as some of the clients here, but--

so just a little joke.

There are a few rules and regulations that I

will require you to adhere to.

It's of paramount importance that you stick to these.

First of all, no mobile phones.

Even if we keep them off.

Absolutely no mobile phones in the prison grounds whatsoever.

What if my agent rang?

Because you never know.

Listen up, please.

There are no drugs.

We're going to be passing through sniffer dogs.

They can detect drugs from a very,

very, long, long way away.

If they smell any illicit substances,

they'll bite your legs off.

Everybody listen up.

Listen up, please.

Thank you.

One for the ladies, if--

no provocative clothing.

All right there. - Sorry.

I just got something--

So if you could cover up, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. What's her name?

Just cover up.

I'd appreciate.

All right.

Let's go on a quick tour.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

If you could stay with me all the times obviously.

Don't go straying off anywhere.

Advice you to keep all your handbag zips up,

and about your purses.

MAN: Can I take photos?

KEVIN: Absolutely not.

You will receive some verbal abuse.

You've done Phantom?

I've done Phantom of the Opera.

Yeah?

Well, would you say that you are actors

that sing or singer's that act? 'Cause, I don't--

I seem to be interested in it.

X-RAY [ON HT]: out to CO2, what we trying for?

Yeah, CO2, X-Ray Five--

uh-- shepherd's pie and they're ready.

All right, should we--uh-- carry on?

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

[WHISPERS] Shepherd's pie!

[WHISTLING MEN]

YARD PRISONER: [CALLING OUT] Let's put a muff

around your neck, darling!

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

[SEWING MACHINES DRILLING]

[WHISTLING MEN]

[SEWING MACHINES DRILLING]

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

OK.

Right, gonna meet the lifers.

Now, these are entirely different breed to the rest

of the prison population.

They're in here on average 12 years,

some as long as 20 years.

And all of them have committed pretty serious crimes.

Point of paramount importance, no fraternization.

Be friendly, but don't be their friend, OK?

They're all extremely excited that you're here,

and really looking forward to the audition process

eventually-- as indeed I--

we all are.

So let's meet the lifers!

[HIGH HEELS CLICKING ON FLOOR]

I'm Victoria, I'm the director.

We're staging a production of Stephen

Sondheim's Sweeney Todd-- um--

here in the prison.

What we're looking for are people

to sort of be in the chorus, in the background.

Sweeney, basically, was a victim of his circumstance.

He-- he found himself-- um--

wrongly imprisoned by-- [CLEARS THROAT]---- a crooked

judge sent down for life.

And after 15 years, he escapes and comes back to his old life

in London, but it's not there.

His wife's gone, his child's gone.

The only thing that's left is his barber shop.

And then an old adversary comes and tries to blackmail him,

so he kills him.

And he's got a dead body on his hands.

And-- [WHEEZES]--

Mrs. Lovett, who owns the pie shop downstairs,

suggests that he puts the body into her pies.

Um-- he murders [STUTTERING] the privileged few,

and then she cooks them.

And they make the most delicious pies, and business is booming!

And then the judge turns up again.

And just before he kills the judge,

a beggar woman comes in, so he just kills her.

And then he kills the judge.

And there's a scream, and he runs downstairs

and he sees that it's his wife.

And he's just killed his own wife!

And Sweeney's so desperate by this stage, so angry--

Uh--Miss--

--that he takes Mrs. Lovett, and he

throws her into the furnace--

--what we're dealing with here is a serial killer.

--and-- well, yeah.

I mean-- I-- yeah, yeah!

I hadn't-- I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but-- um--

yeah.

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

You did well, today, then?

Yeah, I don't know.

With the guys, the talk?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think they were listening?

Yeah, surprisingly.

Did you see the one in front row, the guy with long hair?

Oh, the good looking one?

[TEASING] Uh-uh, no fraternizing.

[CHUCKLES]

He was reading Sylvia Plath.

Did you see that?

We'd better give him a part, otherwise he'll

slit his wrists the long ways.

[CHUCKLING]

[GIGGLES]

Oh, is that terrible?

Yeah, really bad.

[CHUCKLES] You know, it is quite scary though, isn't it?

I mean, it's a bit like psycho city.

Yeah, I mean, you just look at them and you just can't help

yourself kind of thinking [MIMICKING

HITCHCOCK'S PSYCHO MOVIE HIGH PITCHED

VIOLIN KILL THEME] eh-eh-eh!

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

I think they're all going to come tomorrow to the auditions

though, right? - Really?

Yeah, I think they will!

I mean, if I came today, they will.

But they better be good, because I'm not going to take them,

if they're not good enough.

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

[SMACKS LIPS] Um-- [SUCKS TEETH] Kevin--

um-- are there--

I'm just trying to tell the kind of numbers.

Are there any other men who are going to be auditioning?

Oh, yeah.

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9.

[COUGH]

Walter.

Victoria.

Nice to meet you, Vicky.

KEVIN: Put her down, Walter.

Going to sing a song for you that my mom used to sing for me

when I was a kid, all right.

[SINGING] Ohhh- oh, Lagan stream sings lullaby,

there grows a lily fair.

Uh, I'm Jordan.

I can't really sing, I can't act.

I'm doing an English class at the moment,

so I thought I'd do something from Richard III.

[RECITING] Is there a murderer here?

No?

Yeah, I am.

Then fly!

What, from myself?

Great reason why. Wanker--

[SNICKERING AND CHUCKLING]

--thyself speak well!

Cunt--

[LAUGHTER]

--do not fly.

Charlie.

PRISONER 1: Charlie!

PRISONER 2: Go on, mate!

Yeah, yeah, listen here.

I don't want to do your play, you know,

Kevin forced me to come.

Just go with it, your actors want to be here.

[SNICKERING]

I'm just going to sing you a song, yeah?

[SINGING TONE DEAF] Peter and John went to pray--

[SUCKS TEETH] Ey, yo, Kevin, this is stupid.

[LAUGHTER] - Get on with it!

[SINGING TONE DEAF] They met a lame man on the way.

PRISONER 3: There, that right there.

[SINGING TONE DEAF] He asked for alms and he asked for help,

and this is what Peter did say.

Right, Mikey.

Um-- I had out to prepare something

from Mozart's The Magic Flute, right,

but we couldn't get the batteries.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHTER]

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

[CHUCKLES] [SHOUTING]

PRISONERS: Yes!

Yeah!

[CLAPPING]

Imitation of a lighthouse.

[POPS MOUTH] [POPS MOUTH]

[LAUGHTER]

[POPS MOUTH]

[LAUGHTER]

[CLAPPING]

There it is!

PRISONER 4: Go on, boss!

In French, the letter Y means they're.

In Spanish, it means and.

In English, Y is Y. I was an ox, you turned out to be a moron.

Together, we were an ox-y-moron.

[SNICKER]

Thought you could, like, incorporate that into the show

some somehow.

Thank you, Kevin.

Uh-- Cliff.

I'm going to do something from like an act

that I used to do in the clubs.

Well, what you've got to imagine is, like, I'm naked.

Well, not not naked, but I'm wearing this costume

and it's made out of salad.

[SUGGESTIVE WHISTLE]

[LAUGHTER]

Like, it's bits of lettuce and stuff sewn together.

You see, it's a

Vegetarian piece.

And-- uh-- [ANXIOUSLY SPEAKING] I'd have some music!

[HUFFING] [LAUGHTER]

Jonny?

Do you want me to play something for you?

CLIFF: Something atmospheric and light.

[PIANO TRILLS]

[PIANO PLAYS]

[LAUGHTER]

And then I come up to the audience

and I say, what are you then, a vegetarian or a meat eater?

[LAUGHTER]

Thank you, Cliff.

That-- um-- [CLEARS THROAT]

When do we find out?

I mean, I can't exactly expect to call in there, can I?

Um-- well, we probably need to sort of discuss it.

I need to know!

Well, in that case--

um-- well you all-- you all did very well

and you've all got the part.

[CHEERS]

Hey, Charlie!

[CLAMORING]

What's that, Sydney?

It's curry!

Curry?

I'm not eating that.

I'm not eating this!

[LAUGHTER]

KEVIN: Go on, put it on it!

What's going on?

All right, move on.

Cliff, keep moving. - Whoa, whoa!

KEVIN: Yeah, what's wrong with it?

What do you mean what's wrong with it?

Do you smell that? Go on, smell it!

Lovely, isn't it, yeah?

That's right [INAUDIBLE].

All right, hey, what I'm eating is [INAUDIBLE]..

What'd you expect, commoner fucking blood?

[LAUGHTER]

What I want is something presented

with respect for the food.

I'll eat my own shit, man, I will.

I'll eat my own shit, if it's presented properly.

That's all I'm asking for.

Sydney, make it neater, sprig of parsley or something.

OK, boss!

Sorry, man.

What do you mean, sorry? SYDNEY: Ray!

Move down the pass. SYDNEY: Raj!

- But my food? - [MUTTERING] Keep movin'.

I've got a little extra for you.

Go on, walk away.

[DOORS OPENING AND UNLOCKING]

GUARD: [INAUDIBLE]

[DOORS LOCKING]

[CLAMORING]

[INAUDIBLE]

[DOORS LOCKING]

Come on, Sydney!

[QUIVERING] [SIGHS] [QUIVERING]

[QUIVERING] [SIGHS] [QUIVERING]

[WHISTLING] [SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

Mmah!

His skin was pale, his eye was odd.

[HUMMING]

[WATER FLOWING]

MAN 2: Fill me up, Lily.

LILY: Are you going to have any wine?

So who's in what's it called?

JULIA: Eugene and I worked with [INAUDIBLE]..

EUGENE: Yes we did [INAUDIBLE] together.

Julia sang [INAUDIBLE].

No, none for me.

Red wine makes my voice very funny.

Oh, I know, darling.

It does exactly the same to my minge.

[CHUCKLES]

JULIA: No, I think that you'd love it.

Is that the prison production?

I think it's going to be-- it's going

to be very different, essentially,

stylistically, conceptually.

It's a kind of modern, innovative opera

with high production values and whatnot.

[CHUCKLING] - Thank you.

[CHUCKLING]

And we got a journalist to come in.

JAYNEY: Oh, thank goodness.

What paper?

I don't know what--

[WHISPERING] Jonny's quite well connected, you know.

Mm-hmm. - [WHISPERING] Oh, great.

I've never had a review in a paper,

I'd love to have a review!

[WHISPERING] You've not had a review?

[WHISPERING] No, not yet.

[WHISPERING] Oh, I'm sure you'll have many going on.

I've got IBS.

Well, I have-- not officially--

but I think I have, you know?

Hmm.

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

KEVIN: So first day's rehearsals, you nervous?

VICTORIA: No, you?

KEVIN: No, not really.

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

VICTORIA: Feel your breath, as it

comes in and out of your body.

I really want you to focus on it.

Really think about every breath you're taking.

And as you lie there, I really also want you to imagine

that you are really relaxed.

Really try and become very relaxed.

And how I want you to do this--

[INAUDIBLE] to Zero-five, what do you want for lunch?

Is there any way you can turn that off?

No, not really.

Um-- really relaxed.

[WHISPERING] Victoria, let me know when you want the tea, OK.

So as you breathe out, I want you to really

be aware of your diaphragm.

[SIGHS]

And your diaphragm is located at the bottom

of your [INAUDIBLE]. [CHAIR CREAKS]

LILY: [GIGGLES]

And how you find it is by making a ha-ha-ha-ha sound.

COMPANY: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hah, hah, hah! VICTORIA: Very good.

Very good.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

COMPANY: Ha. Ha.

Ha-ha. Ha-hah.

Haaa. VICTORIA: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

RAJIV: [CHUCKLING]

VICTORIA: So as you are breathing out,

I want you to see your diaphragm,

and feel how as you breathe out--

I'm finding it really hard to relax my mind.

I keep seeing scary monsters.

And as you're doing that--

Shhh.

--I want you to imagine a different horizon.

So all the cares and the worries of the day

are falling away, as you relax.

I want you to focus on a separate space,

a separate area--

SYDNEY: [WHISPERING] Victoria, I need and ETA on the tea--

--which is--

--because it's on borrow from D Block--

- --a field or horizon. - --and they don't have any tea.

Would you just sit down, Sydney?

- Where? - Anywhere!

[BRACELET DROPS] SYDNEY: [MUTTERING]

Um-- and as you--

So keep breathing and keep relaxing,

and imagine that you are--

very good, Kevin.

Very good.

And so you're breathing in and out, and--

See, that's it, that's the end.

Tea break! CLIFF: Tea break!

CHARLIE: Tea break, ladies!

VICTORIA: It's not a tea break now, everybody!

It's really-- we're still rehearsing.

We've still got a few more minutes of it.

It's not a tea break yet, Sydney.

It's not a tea break now.

SYDNEY: No to tea?

VICTORIA: We're going to have a music rehearsal now,

so everyone come around the piano.

KEVIN: Gather around!

[CLAMORING]

JULIA: What the hell's that?

I have no idea, Victoria asked me to inflate it.

VICTORIA: Start.

[MUMBLING] I mean, I haven't even looked.

Didn't know we were doing this today.

Haven't we seen you on the telly?

That's all we do in here, watch telly.

JAYNEY: I don't think so, unfortunately.

I haven't been on the telly for about 12 years.

Where are you from?

I'm from London.

Why do you want to come from there?

[CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHTER]

So have you got a bloke?

No, not at the moment, no.

RAJIV: Cool.

[CHUCKLES]

VICTORIA: Um, Lily?

You all right?

No.

I've had an idea about Joanna during this section,

because Sweeney's singing about Joanna.

And what I want you to do is, if you were up here

in you're kind of gilded tower.

So if you want to go up there, and sort of be

brushing your long golden hair.

JULIA: What is it?

Victoria says the balloon is symbolic of hope.

I'm really hung over.

They're really boring about our town,

and I had to get pissed on my own last night,

and there's so much booze in the house.

[CHUCKLES] - We drink in here, you know?

You do, what do you drink?

We make our own hooch.

I like it!

What a very good idea!

Hey, you're not supposed to touch him,

property of her majesty.

But I'm afraid I don't live by her majesty's rules.

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SONDHEIM, "EPIPHANY"]

[CHUCKLES]

VICTORIA: OK, guys, we're going to do-- we're

going to stage "Epiphany."

Want to join us, gentlemen?

Want to join us? - Fellas?

Rajiv!

Mikey!

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

[MUSIC - STEPHEN SONDHEIM, "EPIPHANY"]

[SINGING] I had him!

His throat was bare beneath my hand.

JAYNEY: [SINGING] There, there, don't fret!

[SINGING] No, I had him!

His throat was there and he'll never come again!

[SINGING] Is he now!

Hush, love, hush.

I keep telling you--

- [SINGING] When! - [SINGING] What's your rush?

[SINGING] Why did I wait?

You told me to wait, now he'll never come again!

JAYNEY: [SCREAMING]

[PIANO TRILLING]

[SINGING] There's a whole in the world

like a great black pit, and it's filled with people

what who are filled with shit!

And the vermin of the world inhabit it.

But not for long.

[PIANO GROWS UPBEAT]

[SINGING] They all deserve to die.

Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why.

Because in all--

VICTORIA: OK, good.

We're going to do that again.

I've got an idea for the chorus.

What I want you all to do is I want you to be vermin.

You're vermin, at this point.

And there's a section of music during Sweeney's song,

like kind of scurrying, sort of rats

scuttling across the ground.

So if you all lie down.

If you lie down on your bellies.

Could everyone get down on your bellies?

Would everyone please get down on, you know?

So at that point, I want you all to move

across the stage like rats, like vermin,

squirming across the floor.

OK?

Jordan?

If I'm vermin, what are you?

Um, the director.

Miles?

Jonny?

MILES: [SINGING] I had him.

His throat was bare beneath my hand.

JAYNEY: [SINGING] There, there, there, don't fret.

MILES: [SINGING] No, I had him!

His throat was there and he'll never come again!

JAYNEY: [SINGING] Is he now?

Hush, love, hush.

I keep telling you--

MILES: [SINGING] When?

JAYNEY: [SINGING] What's your rush?

MILES: [SINGING] Why did I wait?

You told me to wait, and he'll never come again!

[SCREAMING]

And then you squirm across the ground.

[PIANO TRILLS]

Very, very good.

On the floor.

Along the floor, and then move up behind.

MILES: [SINGING] And the vermin of the world--

VICTORIA: Get up.

That's it. Come on.

[SINGING] But not for long. VICTORIA: Move in.

Crowd around him.

[PIANO GROWS UPBEAT]

That's it, and stretch up!

[SINGING] They all deserve to die.

VICTORIA: And move away and break off, now.

Start moving around.

Follow Jordan, that's it.

Move around, excellent! [SINGING]

Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett,

there are two kinds of men-- [TEA CART RATTLING]

No!

It's not tea time!

Please, do not touch the trolley!

PRISONERS: [WHOOPING]

Argh! [BOOM, CRASH]

[SCREAMS]

PRISONERS: [CHEER AND WHOOP] Yeah!

Argh!

Woot, woot, woot!

Ahh!

PRISONERS: [CHEERING AND CHANTING]

SYDNEY: [SHOUTING] Who wants it?

[ALARM BELL]

Who?

[SHOUTING] Who wants the trolley?

[CHEERING]

SYDNEY: Who wants my trolley?

Who wants it?

Who wants it?

[ALARM BELL]

Put the tea trolley down.

[HT STATIC]

You're gonna report for that, all right?

You're gonna get a ticket for that?

You going to calm down?

Say, yes, I'm going to calm down.

Yuh-yeah-- yes, I'm gonna calm down, [SIGHS] gov.

Who pushed the alarm?

Me, I did.

Don't ever touch it again!

[JOVIAL MUSIC]

It came out of the blue, didn't it?

I mean, he was just standing there

with a trolley above his head.

I was terrified.

They're all so angry.

You know, they're all kind of brooding anger.

You just never know when they're going to sort of explode.

Who's the big guy?

- Walter. - Walter!

He's terrifying.

[BIRDS CAWING]

[MUMBLING] Yeah.

What did you-- um-- what do you think

of the whole staging thing?

The vermin?

Yeah.

'Cause I think it works, you know--

- Do you? - --I think it works.

Yeah, it's kind of rooted in the score.

Um-- ermm--

the vermin are inside Sweeney's head at that point, are they?

Yeah, well, it's a mixed metaphor.

You know, there're vermin on the street and vermin in his mind.

Hmm.

Do you think that they understand that?

No, I don't think they've got a clue what I'm talking about.

I think they're just Neanderthals.

I think they're buffoons.

I think they're animals, they're too busy thinking

about Jayney's tits.

[CHUCKLES]

I think it works as a concept, but I

just don't think they work.

[BIRDS CAWING]

- You! - Shut it.

Get out.

What are you doing here?

[LAUGHTER]

Excellent.

I'm sorry for what happened.

I'm not a psychotic.

Victoria.

Really good, everyone.

Victoria, I'm sorry.

Just relax about it, Sydney.

This exercise is absolutely relevant to the character

of the judge in Sweeney Todd.

OK, Eugene.

Do you wanna go and help Johnny with the backdrop?

Thank you.

Very good.

Victoria, what-- what do you do if you don't actually trust

the person that you're with?

Well, that's the point of the exercise, Cliff.

You've got to trust him.

OK?

It's very important when you're performing

that you trust the people you're on stage with.

So you really have to focus on the person.

Remember, if you feel that the other person

is a bit too heavy--

Oh, hello.

I was told to come and help you.

I'm a tailor.

All right. Yeah, OK.

Great. Come in.

All right.

I could do with a hand.

You all look very relaxed.

These are the sort of--

you know, the scuzzy, mucky costumes, like rats.

Lucky for us, then.

You wanna ask me something?

Um, no, I was just gonna--

I was just gonna ask you about your crime.

What I've done?

Killed a man.

Who did you kill?

My brother-in-law.

He was a wanker.

Used to drink too much.

He used to take it out on my sister, so I killed him.

How?

How did you kill him?

I stabbed him with my shears.

Here we are.

Now, just pop round, everyone.

Ow!

[LAUGHTER]

[SCREAMING]

OK, guys.

He was just too relaxed!

[LAUGHTER]

Your fly's open.

Uh, OK, everyone.

Then we're gonna move on, I think.

Oh, hello.

You, out.

It's good, all this trust stuff, isn't it?

I said out.

All right, boss.

All right.

Lads, come on!

Rehearsals, Victoria wants us to Rehearse, so get over here now.

Come on!

See?

You just gotta be a little bit more firm with them.

That's all.

Why don't you direct it, Walter?

Rajiv?

Yeah.

Where have you been?

Um, I were helping Jayney.

Well, I'd rather you were helping me.

She a bit tasty, that little Jayney, isn't she?

Yeah.

Listen, Victoria.

Speaking as a woman, would you sooner be fancied or respected?

Respected.

You're all right, then, ain't ya?

Right. Um--

Guys, let me gather.

I'm just gonna give a few notes before we begin.

Um, I need to assign two solo lines to people.

So, um, everyone's gonna sing "he shaved

the faces of gentlemen who never thereafter

were heard of again."

And then the next line is going to be sung by you, Walter.

Yeah?

Yeah, OK?

And that line, Walter, is "he trod

a path that few have trod."

OK?

Yup.

And then the next solo boy is gonna be Cliff.

What?

All right, Cliff?

And you're singing "did Sweeney Todd?"

"Did Sweeney Todd?"

Excellent, and then everyone joins us

and again on "the demon barber of Fleet Street."

OK?

Are there anymore solo lines?

No, no, no.

That-- that's it, yeah.

Oh, there's one other thing.

"Misterioso." Remember.

This is marked "misterioso."

So give me plenty of that at the beginning.

What's that, French?

No, Jordan, it's Welsh.

You don't say?

OK, guys, here we go.

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

One, two, three, and--

[SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

His skin was pale, and his eye was odd.

He shaved the faces of gentlemen who never

thereafter were heard of again.

Walter?

[SINGING] He trod a path that few had trod.

Cliff.

[SINGING] Did Sweeney Todd.

[CHUCKLING]

[SINGING] The demon barber of Fleet Street.

OK, guys.

That's sounding good.

Now, I just want to hear "Sweeney was smooth,

Sweeney was subtle", OK?

After 4.

1, 2, 3, and--

[SINGING] Sweeney was smooth.

Sweeney was subtle.

Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Sweeney, Sweeney, Sweeney, Sweeney, Sweeney!

Scatter, scatter!

[SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

[SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

[SINGING] He served a dark and a vengeful god.

[SINGING] He served a dark and a vengeful god.

[SINGING] What happened then?

Well, that's the play, and he wouldn't

want us to give it away.

Not Sweeney.

Not Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street,

Fleet Street.

Good.

Progress.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Solo boy, you fuck!

Is this relaxed enough for you now, eh?

Is this relaxed enough for you?

[GROANING]

[CHUCKLING]

What are you doing, huh?

Was it because Walter and Cliff, they had a little thing,

was it?

What, with Cliff had a little song, and you're a bit jealous,

huh?

You spoil this from me, son, you spoil it for Vicky,

I will ruin everything for you.

I am gonna sing in this opera, and it's gonna be a stormer.

Clear?

I won't let your little prick get in the way

of what we're trying to do.

[SCREAMING]

Where are Mike and Cliff?

I can't give you that information, Vicky.

So they're not here today.

They're not here today.

They might not be coming in tomorrow.

- Perhaps. - You can't tell me.

You're not gonna tell me anything.

I can't give you that information.

You can't give me that information.

You can't or you just want.

You just decided that you won't.

You just decided that you're not going to.

All of those things, actually.

You know, so should I just go to the governor?

Is that what I should do?

I should go and speak to him?

That's a fine idea, Vicky.

Channel 3.

Oh, don't take the piss, Kevin.

Well, I'm not actually taking the piss.

I'm doing my job.

You're not supposed to be in your costumes.

Don't take your frustration out on me, Victoria.

OK, right.

Cliff and Mike aren't here today,

so I don't know what we're gonna rehearse.

We were gonna do the Yum Yum Chorus,

but obviously we can't, because I don't know

whether to put them in at all.

Um, and we can't rehearse anything else,

because I don't know whether I need to replace them, or--

you know, and obviously I can't rehearse without them.

So you know, I can't work in this way.

You know, with this lack of commitment and professionalism.

It's got nothing to do with lack of commitment.

You can't be anymore committed than these lads.

If it's lack of commitment you want to talk about,

maybe you look at your own opera company, some of whom

wouldn't even take part in one of the trust exercises.

OK, two guys didn't turn up today, so how do I know if, you

know, three guys aren't gonna turn up, or different guys,

or they're gonna come back and other guys

aren't gonna turn up? How do I know if--

if no one is gonna turn up?

That's a distinct possibility.

We're missing out on today's rehearsal.

We might miss out on tomorrow's rehearsal.

What you don't seem to understand,

because you're not the director, I'm the director,

is that we need those days.

We really need them.

What you don't seem to understand

is that you're in a maximum security prison, not RADA.

We've got a stage, a play, a production

at the end of the week.

There's a journalist coming.

That's debatable.

This is just ridiculous!

[POP]

I-- I was just cleaning it!

Hello.

Hey.

Let's just see now.

We missed a day's rehearsal today.

You know, we need-- we need the time.

We just-- you know, and the set is just awful.

It's terrible.

It looks like some, you know, sort of sixth form.

They have rubbish.

You know, the men just don't listen.

They don't listen to me.

I can't get them to do anything I want.

And Eugene is stupid.

He looks like the Mad Hatter.

And I guess I can't do any washing where I am,

and I haven't got any clean knickers,

and then the balloon burst.

Come on now.

[SOBBING]

Look, I know it's important.

It is important.

It's really important to all of us,

but you're gonna have to get some perspective on this

as well.

Yeah?

You know, um, you haven't even asked why they're not here.

Well, I can't.

I asked Kevin, and he won't even tell me.

He's such an arsehole.

He is a complete tosser anyway, I know.

But the thing is, you know, it's not

that they sort of just missed the bus or, you know,

overslept.

There is just so much weird stuff going on here,

we-- we don't even know half of it.

Cliff got beaten and-- and buggered by Mikey.

He [INAUDIBLE] raped.

And then Walter beat the shit out of Mikey.

It's all going off.

But Mikey's not gay.

They-- they've been in here for over 10 years.

They haven't seen a woman for over 10 years, some of them.

You know, it's-- they're just men.

Um, I feel really stupid.

Listen, don't feel stupid.

We really, really need you to be strong now.

And they love you, these guys.

Well, they love you.

They love you.

They love you.

They love you a lot more.

You could spit on them, and they'd still love you.

They love you.

One, two, three, four.

[SINGING] Nice to see you, dearie.

How have you been keeping?

Cor, me bones is weary.

Toby, one for the gentleman.

Hear the birdies cheeping.

Helps to keep it cheery.

Toby, throw the old woman out!

Right, that's good.

[SINGING] God, that's good!

Good, guys.

That's sounding good.

Now, I want to remind us of the end, with "more hot pies"

on the yums, OK?

I want to taste how yummy they are.

Um, I'm gonna take it from "eat them slow."

OK?

So here we go.

One, two, three, four.

[SINGING] Eat them slow and feel the crust,

how thin I rolled it.

Eat them slow, 'cause everyone's a prize.

Eat them slow, 'cause that's--

More hot pies coming up.

[SINGING] And now we're sold it.

Come again tomorrow.

Hold it.

[SINGING] More hot pies!

Good.

[SINGING] Bless my eyes.

Now the yums, guys.

- [SINGING] Fresh supplies. - And--

Yum!

[SINGING] How about it, dearie?

Yum!

[SINGING] Be here in a Twinkling.

Yum!

[SINGING] Just confirms my theory.

Yum!

[SINGING] Toby, God watches over us.

Yum, yum!

[SINGING] Didn't have an inkling.

Scrumptious!

[SINGING] Positively eerie.

Toby, throw the old woman out!

[SINGING] God, that's good.

That is [INAUDIBLE].

Have a taste.

It smells such-- oh my god, what perfect aroma.

Such flavor.

God, that's good!

Good.

Good, very good.

Good.

[SINGING] What's the matter, dearie?

Stick it in your earie.

[CHUCKLES]

All right, all right.

I ain't being funny.

It's like Victoria, she's blaming us.

Do you know what I mean? Like it's our fault.

Oi, she ain't blaming you.

She's blaming me, all right?

It's chocolate.

She's been eating a lot of chocolate.

Do-- do you think she's a chocoholic?

What's chocolate got to do with it?

It's a woman thing.

Well, she's a bird, isn't it?

Certain foodstuffs can cause mood swings.

That's bollocks, Sydney. It's bollocks.

She walks in here, she starts trying to take over.

Who does she think she is, eh?

- Well, in the world of opera-- - No, don't opera.

It's crap.

She comes in here, gives you all that blah, blah, blah,

and she don't know nothing about us, does she?

What do you mean, giving it all that?

All she's saying is that she can't do the play

with two cast members missing.

Do you know what I mean?

Come on, Charlie, dearie.

Don't you get too leery.

Hey, come out of my face, man.

Listen, Victoria's all right, but Jayney,

she's a beautiful girl, do you know what I mean?

And then what are we complaining about?

We're gonna get real pies.

Who told you you were gonna get real pies?

What I envisage is a German-style beer garden.

[LAUGHTER]

With pie.

We can have like a Thai pie.

An oriental pie.

Talking about pies for, eh?

[SINGING] What's the matter, Walter?

Walter, get yourself down to anger management

at some point, mate.

Hey, yo, as long as they're real pies,

it's gonna be better than what we get in here, isn't it?

No pies for Mikey, eh?

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, guess what I heard today.

What?

You know what's his name?

The old guy with the--

Dennis.

Dennis.

Guess what he was wearing when he did he murders?

I don't wanna know.

I don't.

I'm not interested.

Really, I don't wanna know.

I'll tell you later.

Night!

Wanker.

They were really-- they were really good today, the guys.

I think they were really good, really good.

Hmm.

I mean, because they're vermin.

No, But I think if we could get them costumes, they could--

there's no reason why they couldn't be other characters

in other parts of the show.

I mean, they're good, really good.

Why should they be vermin?

Here is the devastating thing.

Every offense he committed, he was wearing a turquoise

blue sequined ball gown.

How bizarre.

Are you sure you're all right, Dennis?

Yeah, I'll be all right.

No, no, we'll find Jordan, really.

Thanks anyway.

That looks great.

[SINGING] Stay forever, breathing lightly.

We shared a cell for about six months.

Well, he showed me some steps.

No, Kevin.

No, no, Kevin.

That's too low, you know.

It's "more hot pies, more hot, more pies."

I'm a bass.

Just because you're a bass doesn't mean you

can't sing a little bit higher.

Hi, Victoria.

Listen, sorry about the recent--

had a bit of a fall, yeah?

Right, um, do you want to just go and join the guy--

join the guys?

Yeah, by the piano.

Yeah, sure.

That's really great, Jayne, how it's sounding.

I just-- I just think maybe we should give less not so much

give, something a bit more rigid, a bit more disciplined,

OK?

Let's just try it, bar 64.

There.

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

[SINGING] There.

There, there.

[HUMMING]

[SNAPPING FINGERS]

[SINGING] How they come and sing,

proof of heaven, as you're living,

pretty women, sir, pretty women, yes, pretty women, sir.

Pretty women.

Pretty women, sir.

Pretty women.

Cor blimey, what's up with you, grumpy chops?

It's Victoria.

She never talks to me.

Well, I know I'm not Victoria, but I'm always up for a chat.

Do you want a bit of cake?

- You got cake? - Yeah.

Yeah.

Here we go.

The other thing, guys, is I'm gonna

hand out these bits of paper, because we're gonna

have a program for when the general public come

to the opera, come to see you.

And we just want you to write a little--

you, too, Kevin, please.

We just want you to write a little biography

about yourselves.

You know, just something small about yourselves.

Something like "Jordan, 22, hobbies, murder.

But don't be scared.

I'm a really nice guy, just a bit fucked in the head."

It's not an autobiography.

A curriculum vitae.

In a way, I think that's quite interesting.

I think people would be interested

if you feel that you want to write about your crimes.

Then I don't see why, you know, why--

you know, yeah, well, maybe.

It's probably-- probably better not-- probably better not to.

Yeah, I'd just stick to hobbies, guys.

Yeah?

Basic skills and interests.

Climbing and tunneling.

Walter, you know what might you write?

Do you play any sports, or were you ever

in a school play, or anything?

Or what you think of us.

Gonna need another sheet of paper, love.

Anyway, guys, I'll leave it with you.

Have a think about it, and I'll collect them tomorrow, OK?

And I wouldn't mind helping.

I'd like to say that we-- we've got a journalist

coming at the end of the week.

Um, and we're gonna sing the Yum Yum Chorus for her.

And we'd like Charlie to sing solo.

Sing the part of Tobias.

Oh, that's great.

Congratulations, Tobias.

[APPLAUSE]

Yeah, so would everyone like to gather round?

Because we're going to do "Kiss Me", rehearse "Kiss Me". so

if everyone wants to come and--

[SINGING] We'd best not wait until Monday.

[SINGING] Sir, I concur, and fully, too.

[SINGING] It isn't right.

We'd be best married on Sunday.

[SINGING] Saturday, sir, would also do.

[SINGING] Or else tonight.

[SINGING] I think I heard a noise.

[SINGING] Fear not.

[SINGING] I mean another noise.

- [SINGING] Like what? - [SINGING] Never mind.

Just a noise. - [SINGING] It was a noise.

[SINGING] Just another noise, something in the street.

I'm a silly little nillynoddle. Kiss me.

[SINGING] Kiss me.

[SINGING] Oh, sir.

[SINGING] We'll go to Paris on Monday.

[SINGING] What shall I wear?

I daren't pack.

[SINGING] We'll ride a train.

[SINGING] With you beside me on Sunday,

what will I care what things I wear?

[SINGING] Then sail to Spain.

[SINGING] I'll take my reticule.

[SINGING] Why take your reticule?

[SINGING] You mustn't think me a fool,

but my reticule never leaves my side.

It's the only thing my mother gave me.

Kiss me.

[SINGING] Kiss me.

[SINGING] Kiss me.

[SINGING] I know a place where we can go tonight.

Kiss me.

We have a place where we can go tonight.

I loved you even as I saw you, even

as it does not matter that I still don't know your name.

[SINGING] Sir, even as I saw you,

even as it does not matter that I still don't know your name.

You all right?

What are you up to?

Just having a burn.

Can I have one?

I left my tobacco downstairs.

Yeah.

Cheers.

Honey, if there was anything else that you needed, to know--

Big gun?

Within reason.

What is it you want from me?

What do you mean?

I don't know what you want.

Well I just thought we could have a smoke.

All right.

So what's gonna happen when you're gone?

Sorry, I-- I just thought we could just have a chat

and get to know each other.

Do you know I'm doing a life sentence here.

It's not like I'm here on holiday.

Sorry, I just thought we could have a smoke and--

How old are you?

I'm older than you.

Well, I'm 22.

Well, I'm not older than you.

So I don't know what you're expecting to happen between us.

Do you know what I mean?

Listen, I-- I know what you've done, right?

I mean, I don't know specifically what you've done,

but I know why you're here.

I killed two people.

I just want to know that I don't care.

Right.

Do you wanna know how I killed them?

If you want.

Once upon a time, there was a crackhead called Jordan.

And Jordan had a beautiful princess of a wife.

And one day, when Jordan was coming home from work,

he found a junkie doing his wife.

Jeez.

I picked up the first thing I could see.

It was a hammer.

And I went for him with the claw, sort of the you

take the nails out, and I started ripping at him.

And I didn't stop.

And then my wife, she come at me,

and I gave her a knock on the head.

I didn't mean to hurt her.

I just remember the smell of the blood.

The only reason I stopped hitting him

was because there was so much blood the hammer

slipped from my hand.

Then I went to my wife, and I made love to her.

She was soft and warm.

The next day when I wake up, I had was--

was her beneath my arm, and she was cold.

She weren't breathing.

I'd fallen asleep on her, and she was suffocated.

God, that's awful.

But look, there's no reason that you

still have to be that bloke.

Right?

And I don't know why, but I--

I-- I just feel as though I trust you.

And I like you.

This is bollocks.

[SINGING]

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

[SINGING] Ah, miss.

[SINGING] Oh, sir.

[SINGING] Ah, miss. Ah, miss.

- [SINGING] Oh, sir. - [SINGING] Ah, miss.

- [SINGING] Oh, sir. - [SINGING] Ah, miss.

- [SINGING] Oh, sir. - [SINGING] Ah, miss.

- [SINGING] Oh, sir. - [SINGING] Ah, miss.

- [SINGING] Oh, sir. - [SINGING] Ah, miss.

[SINGING] Oh, sir.

What's the matter?

You OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm the head of costume now, as well

as playing bloody Mrs. Lovett.

Anything else they'd like me to do?

I'm here.

I'm helping.

Thanks.

What do you think?

What is it?

It's Kevin's costume.

He wants to be a prisoner.

What, he chose to be?

Aye.

What a knob.

You'd think he had enough.

Eh, guess who I'm gonna be.

Don't know.

Take one guess.

What are you gonna be?

Heathcliff.

Heathcliff?

Yeah, at least I'll look good.

But it's completely wrong.

Looking for his Cathy.

[SINGING] Alms, alms for a miserable woman?

Beg your pardon.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

It's bang up, time, Vicky.

Oh, no, Kevin, please.

Sorry, I haven't got time.

Oh, no, please, please.

No, just two more minutes.

It's lock-up time, lads.

Thomas, can we--

Come on, boys.

Jordan, Rajiv.

Guys, don't forget your biographies, OK?

Thank you, Dennis.

Thanks, guys.

My bracelet, my bracelet.

I've lost my bracelet.

I've lost my bracelet.

I've lost my bracelet, guys.

Has anyone seen my bracelet?

You know, my jangly gold--

gaudy bracelet?

Your bracelet?

Has anyone seen it?

I just-- I definitely wore it.

Kevin?

Kevin, I lost my bracelet.

You know, my gold bracelet, the one with all the ch-ka-ch.

You know, it's from-- it's my grandma's.

- You had it on this morning? - It's an heirloom thing.

You were wearing it this morning?

Yeah, definitely. Yes, yeah, yeah.

All right.

I definitely did, and I've looked, and I don't know

where it's-- you know.

You know, maybe one of the guys has picked it up.

One of them?

Why would they want a gold charm bracelet?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, maybe, you know, they picked it up or--

Do you want me to search them?

Do-- do you want me to search them?

No, it's fine.

Yeah.

Maybe you should look for it properly, and then--

Yeah, yeah.

All right, lads.

Here we go.

Just-- just let it go.

It's fine.

She lost her bracelet.

It's probably under the piano or something.

[INDISTINCT SPEECH]

[BIRDS CAWING]

[WHISTLING]

You sounded wonderful back there, you know.

Thank you.

[HUMMING]

[KEYS JANGLING]

My hobbies, watercolor painting,

scuba diving, and abseiling.

Music.

I once had the good fortune to see the London

Transport Choral Society perform the Merry Widow by Franz Lehár.

Franz Lehár was the favorite composer of Adolf Hitler.

Hobbies.

Hi, guys.

Um, this is Emma, the journalist.

Hi.

Hello.

Yeah, who's joining us today, who's

also going to be our audience, our first audience.

I thought I'd also take this opportunity

to explain the backdrop, which is finally

revealed in all its glory.

It represents Sweeney's descent into madness, the blood

red moon of his psychotic, murdering mind, and also

the post-apocalyptic tundra from which you all

emerge as a kind of ragtag, ramshackle, uh,

band of circus performers, vagabonds, and miscreants.

And also from which emerges Mrs. Lovett's pie shop,

which brings me neatly to the pies, which have arrived today.

So they just look fantastic.

They're so funny.

They've all kind of got little feet and hands, and you know,

they're all kind of Sweeney's victims poking out.

And this one's inside, it's kind of

got little ear and little nose.

So yeah, they're fantastic.

I'm really, really thrilled for them.

Um, so we're gonna use these today.

But be careful, because they're quite fragile.

I thought we were supposed to get real pies.

Yeah, me-- me and the lads were

actually under the impression that

we were gonna get real pies.

I don't know where you got that impression from.

There'll be real pies for the show.

No, these are the pies that we're using.

It's all right.

I can have a word with the canteen,

and they can sort us out some real pies.

Well, that's very kind of you, Kevin,

but I think that we're probably gonna stick with these.

I think these work, work better.

Um, yeah, they work in an allegorical--

Symbolic.

Symbolic way.

And that's sort of what I'm looking for.

So OK, guys, yeah?

OK.

Shall we all get in our positions?

Sydney, will you get Emma a chair?

And I really want you to go for it, yeah?

Really go for it, guys.

Yeah?

Yeah?

All right, Charlie?

Where's Jayney?

Where's Jayney?

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

[MOANING]

[SINGING] Ladies and gentlemen, may

I have your attention, please!

Are your nostrils a-quiver and tingling

as well at the delicate, luscious, ambrosial smell?

Yes, they are.

I can tell.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that aroma enriching the breeze

is like nothing compared to the succulent sauce,

as the gourmets amongst you will tell you, of course.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't imagine the rapture in store

just inside of this door!

[MOANING]

There you'll sample Mrs. Lovett's meat pies,

savory and sweet pies, as you'll see.

You who eat pies, Mrs. Lovett's meat pies,

conjure up the treat pies used to be.

Over here, boy.

How about some ale?

[MOANING]

Gotta go.

It's my entrance.

Toby!

Coming, excuse me!

Ale there!

Right, ma'am.

Quick now!

God, that's good!

[SINGING] Nice to see you, dearie.

How have you been keeping?

Cor, me bones is weary.

Toby, one for the gentleman.

Hear the birdies cheeping.

Helps to make it cheery.

Toby, throw the old woman out!

God, that's good!

[SINGING] What's your pleasure, dearie?

No, we don't cut slices.

Cor, me eyes is bleary.

Toby, none for the gentleman.

I could up me prices.

Kevin!

[SINGING] I'm a little leery.

Business couldn't be better, though!

God, that's good!

[SINGING] Knock on wood.

Excuse me.

Dear, see to the customers.

Yes, what, love?

Quick, though, the trade is brisk.

[SINGING] But it's 6 o'clock.

[SINGING] So it's 6 o'clock.

[SINGING] It was due to arrive at a quarter to 5:00,

but it's 6 o'clock.

[SINGING] And it's probably already down the block.

It'll be hear.

[SINGING] I've been waiting all day.

[SINGING] It'll be here.

[SINGING] But it should have been here by now!

[SINGING] More hot pies

[SINGING] You'll come back when it comes?

[SINGING] No, because me customers

truly are getting unruly, and what's your pleasure, dearie?

Whoops, I beg your pardon.

Just me hands is smeary.

Toby, one for the gentleman.

Don't you love the garden?

Always makes me teary.

Oh, shit, I fucking--

what is it?

"Must be one of them foreigners."

One of them bloody foreigners!

Sorry.

It sounded good.

No, that was good, very good.

Yeah, really good.

Excellent.

Well done, Charlie.

[APPLAUSE]

Victoria, can't I just steal him for a second,

for a quick chat? - Yes.

That was wonderful.

If you'll just come with me for a second.

I love your costume.

It's fantastic?

Did you choose it?

Victoria chose it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Some sort of circus theme?

No, I'm like the ringmaster of, like, the circus.

Right, right.

It's Victoria's idea.

Excellent, excellent.

Now, listen, sorry, I don't know your name.

Charlie.

Charlie.

I was so impressed by your performance, your voice,

stunning.

It's gorgeous.

Did you sing or train?

Have you trained? Have you got a trained voice?

- No, no, no. - No?

- No. - Really?

No, no.

When I was, like, younger and that, my foster mom,

we'd, like, go to church, and-- and, like, sing so.

It's wonderful. It's beautiful.

Are you looking forward to performance?

Yeah, yeah.

It's like in a week, but I'm, like, a little bit nervous.

So yeah.

You've got nothing to worry about.

Because honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between you

and the opera singers.

It was that good, OK?

Thank you.

And you've got lots of people coming?

No.

No?

Mum, dad, brothers, no?

No?

Let's talk about prison.

Um, how long have you been in?

Seven months and 2 and 1/2 weeks.

All right, you're counting.

And that's not long, is it?

Have you got a lot more to serve?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

How much longer have you got?

17 years.

Oh, really.

So you're not in for stealing, then?

Was it drugs or?

No.

No?

Did you hurt someone, Charlie?

Did you-- did you kill someone, perhaps?

Listen, I only ask because a really good friend of mine,

right, is in Broadmoor, because he, um,

he killed this woman in a bus queue,

who reminded him of his mum.

And it happens.

It's all right, Charlie.

Was it someone you--

you were close to?

Was it your mum?

No.

Was it a brother or sister or something?

Was it a child, maybe?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I mean, listen, a lot of black men

are in prison who really don't deserve to be,

because you know, either they haven't

committed the crime they're in for,

or it's a miscarriage of justice.

Yeah, but I did it!

Officer!

- You all right? - Fine.

He should be locked up. - You all right?

You all right? - Come here.

Yeah, I'll decide whether he's locked up or not.

Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

What happened?

Why are you being so aggressive?

Thomas, is all right?

He's all right.

Charlie, come here.

Go on.

What happened?

Yeah, well, she--

she started asking about my crime and that, so I--

I--

OK, can I see your-- your notepad, please,

and the cassette recorder?

Why?

Because I wanna see the notepad

and the cassette recorder. Can you hand me that?

- Am I on trial now? - Nobody's on trial.

It's standard prison pro-- that's a problem, is it?

Yes, it is a problem, actually.

Yeah, I think, to be honest, Emma,

I think that's probably the best thing to do,

if have a look at the notepad.

Well, I'm sorry, that is out of the question.

Yeah, well, it does suggest to me that-- that you know, you--

that it does incriminate you.

It makes me think that you probably were asking him

provoking questions in order to get, you know,

sensational copy.

Sensational copy?

Are you calling me a tabloid journalist?

Listen, darling, you are only here due to the generosity

of the taxpayer.

And right, may I remind you that they have a right

to know what's going on.

Yeah, may I remind you that you're here as a guest to--

An invited guest.

An invited guest to review and preview the production,

the-- the theater production that we're putting on, and that

the inmates and the men involved in it

are respected as performers while they're engaged

in this activity.

And as a guest, we expect you to have the same respect for them

and not use them--

Oh, and you're not using them?

You've got a nice little, ooh, a cheap cause

for your failing opera company.

Come on.

You are completely out of order and utterly--

you are smarmy, conceited, arrogant,

and I think that you are utterly irresponsibly--

irresponsible intellectually and morally.

- OK. - And an idiot.

Thank you, Victoria.

I think you are a feckless prick.

Thank you, Victoria.

Irresponsible.

Thank you, Victoria!

Can I have the notepad and the cassette recorder?

No, you cannot have them.

OK, Thomas can we escort her up to the governor, get her

to search-- search her handbag.

Yes, boss.

All right.

This way, miss.

[HOOTING AND HOLLERING]

Yeah, thank you.

No, thank you.

Yeah, I was doing quite well.

You were doing very well.

[SOBBING]

You all right, Charlie?

You all right, Charlie?

Yeah.

Very good singing.

Everyone's very impressed.

So what did you say to that journalist?

I told her I killed my child.

I see.

That's yours, then?

Yeah.

Well, we've all, you know, done some terrible things.

That's why we're here.

I suppose we're in the right place, really.

Do you think God will forgive me, Sydney?

Sure.

But more importantly, you have to forgive yourself

if you want to go forward.

I can't forgive myself.

Everything I touch dies.

That is low self-esteem.

You're a good man, Charlie.

You've got to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror

and say, "Charlie, you are a good man."

I am not a good man, Sydney.

It begins with you.

We're all worth it.

Look on your sentence as a sort of journey of self-realization,

and discovery, and development.

I've wasted my life.

Start again.

I'm 23.

I don't get out of here till I'm 40.

40 is a good age.

I mean, 50 is the new 30.

[CHUCKLING]

Have you talked to the chaplain?

No.

Don't.

He's a nutter.

Talk to me.

Hey, we got pints.

Let's pour the wine, then.

It's very-- Eugene, a pint of [INAUDIBLE] for you.

Thanks, Kev.

Cheers.

Oi, Kev!

Oi, sexy.

Do you wanna dance?

That I do.

Yes, go on!

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

You can't stand up a girl like that.

Here's to a great run tomorrow.

Yeah, to the big day.

To the big day.

I think the run's gonna be great tomorrow.

Everyone's doing really well.

Jayney, you gotta watch those chip bags.

They go straight to your hips, they will.

Can I have a quick word?

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Come on, have a glass of wine. Sit down, tell me there.

I don't know about a drink up here.

Come on, sit down. Join us.

Relax, relax. - No, I just need a quick word.

A couple of minutes, give us a couple of minutes, yeah?

All right.

Um, I think--

I think the reason why the journalist,

um, chose to speak to Charlie is because Charlie was vulnerable.

And I think that's why she didn't talk to me

and she didn't talk to you, because you

were not vulnerable.

I can be vulnerable.

I can't.

I mean, I'm not vulnerable.

They are flirting.

[CHUCKLING]

I've got sensationalist pieces about lifers.

I could have told the reasons.

Well, I think the reason-- Julia?

Well, I was just saying to Dick

that you told me that Charlie killed his own child.

I can't get that out of my head.

I find it incredible.

What did you think he's in here for?

Stealing bubble gum?

- Of course. - They're murderers.

That's what they all are.

It's what we're dealing with here.

What do you think you'll make Sydney's in for?

Well, Sydney probably killed his own wife.

I mean, I can understand that.

Well, he did kill his wife.

That's a crime of passion.

We can all understand that.

How do you know he killed his wife?

Because I've spoken to them.

What, you've talked to--

I've spoken to most of them about it.

You've been speaking the men about their crimes?

Yeah, amongst other things.

What sort of responses did you get?

Sorry, I--

I don't think that's any of your business.

Well, it is my business.

It's my job.

Yeah, I mean, I think--

I think it's irrelevant.

I think they're men.

They're not murderers.

That's a bit of a U-turn from you.

Three weeks ago, you were quaking in your boots.

Really?

So you were being vulnerable.

You'd love that Kevin, wouldn't you?

They were all feeling very vulnerable,

and we need our Kev to protect us.

Oh, here we go.

Well, sorry, I trust them completely.

Every single one of them.

I would feel very, very comfortable

with any one of them in a one to one sort of situation.

What, even Dennis in a dress?

Well, you shouldn't.

You shouldn't.

You shouldn't trust any of them. Not any of them.

We're just having conversations here.

We're just sort of building up a relationship.

Well, that's exactly what I told you day 1.

No, that-- sorry, but that's exactly what you didn't--

That's exactly what I told you not to do on day 1.

Well-- well, on day 1--

Is don't fraternize.

You told us on the first day that if we

wanted to ask them about their crimes, that was fine.

It was gonna help. - "Be friendly.

Don't be their friend." That's what I told you.

That's what I'm saying I did.

There's a difference to asking them about their crimes

and building up a relationship.

Yeah, well, I'm afraid that's what we do.

Not in a fucking prison, you don't.

Don't swear at me.

Well, talk some sense to me, and I

won't have to swear at you. - I am talking sense to you.

- Now you're talking bollocks. - It's not bollocks.

That's what we do.

Now you're talking bollocks.

If you want to join us, then do.

Otherwise fuck off.

Yeah, yeah, you fuck off, too.

[SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

Misterioso

[SINGING] His skin was pale, and his eye was odd.

[SINGING] Skin was pale, and his eye was odd.

[SINGING] Shaved the faces of gentlemen, who never

thereafter were heard of again.

[SINGING] He trod a path that few have trod.

[SINGING] God, that's good.

That is delicious.

Have you ever tasted, smelled such--

[SINGING] He trod a path that few have trod!

[SINGING] More hot pies. More hot.

Hot more pies.

[SINGING] He trod a path--

he trod a path that few have trod.

Will you shut the fuck up?

Sorry, can I just get this straight?

Um, you're accusing me of having sex with Rajiv in the porter

cabin whilst there's, um, a journalist

out here watching a run-through right?

That is one of the most ridiculous

things I've ever heard.

If only I had time to shag the inmates.

Sorry, Kev, but this is completely bonkers.

And to tell you the truth, actually, I'm

pretty insulted that you would think

that I'd be capable of that.

This is like, um, a stain on my character.

And I demand to know who is responsible for this.

Was it you?

Hmm?

Was it you?

Yeah, you've been having the evil eye on me

all the time ever since I got here, haven't you?

Well, let me tell you this, mate.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to go elsewhere

to fulfill your perverted fantasies,

because, um, I'm innocent.

- What I find sad-- - Mm-hmm.

--is that you have to come into a maximum

security prison for a shag.

Let me tell you this, darling, that I

happen to have a life outside this shithole, unlike you.

And I've got streams of lovers to satisfy me.

And actually, if I was gonna bonk one of the inmates,

just give me a little bit of credit for taste.

I don't think it would have been Rajiv.

I think my knob of choice would have been Jordan.

Sorry, what?

What are you snickering at?

Are you fucking getting off on this or what?

James, if we could get an inmate

and escort the opera company out, please.

Right, ladies and gentlemen, that's the end of rehearsals.

I'll let you know when they're gonna resume again,

if they're gonna resume again.

And at the moment, that is a very big if.

Listen, Kev, let's just sort this out now, OK?

I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this.

And, um, I think what's happened is that, um, what Thomas

saw in the porter cabin was--

what I think he saw when he thought that I was having sex,

um, was--

was a costume fitting.

[LAUGHTER]

He saw a fucking costume fitting.

Yeah, really sexy, huh?

Is that what you like, do you?

Pins in your teeth, do you?

Oh, you fucking pervert.

Come on, let's clear off.

Come on.

[INAUDIBLE]

Can I have a word, boss?

Yeah.

Can I speak freely?

Go on.

We're losing control here.

Who's losing control?

If the governor finds out about this, 20 years of my life

go straight down the toilet.

Right, so where were you?

Where were you when they were supposed to be having sex?

I'd made two runs around the room.

The third time around, I saw them pull apart.

This is a maximum security prison, not a theater.

Look at Sydney with the trolley, Cliff still in the infirmary.

Call it off before something goes wrong.

The men have never been so happy.

They're singing ballads to each other.

Get these women out of here.

I haven't seen one rehearsal where we haven't had aggro.

Did you see them having sex?

No.

[SOBBING]

Hiya.

You all right?

No, not really.

No, I'm not.

No.

I mean, the thing is, is that whether or not

you slept with Rajiv, it-- it doesn't matter.

It's irrelevant. It's irrelevant.

Sorry.

I can't go through this again.

The fact of the matter is that from day one,

you've been dressing, and behaving in a flirtatious

and provocative way.

And that's why either Rajiv has just made this up,

and that's why Kevin and Thomas feel

that you're capable of this.

Hang on a second.

I'm just being me.

That's who I am.

No, actually, we're not talking about you.

Because it isn't about you.

All right, this isn't your opportunity

to express your sexual freedom.

It's about the production.

It's about the fact that it's really important to them.

And it's really important to me.

And I think it's really important to you as well.

Well, I mean, if-- if that's more important

to you than our friendship.

No, it's not that, you know, I don't--

I mean, I don't think--

it's not more important than our friendship.

No, I'm not-- that's--

all I'm saying is-- what I'm saying is--

what I'm saying is have you got any polo necks with you?

I've got a red one.

Well, you know, all I'm saying is, can you wear it?

You know, you look lovely in red.

That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying.

Hi again.

Hiya.

Kevin, do you wanna join us?

Is that all right?

Yeah, sure.

I just wanna just sort of clear a few things up.

So I just-- I'll just get on with it.

I've written a few notes down.

Some of you seem to think that I'm on some sort of power trip,

some sort of authority trip.

And, uh, maybe I am, actually.

But I don't think that's important.

Doesn't matter.

What is important is that you don't

seem to realize that-- that that authority is

a requirement of my job.

It's not a symptom of my job.

You can't run a prison without authority.

And you have to realize that what I say goes,

and that's the bottom line.

Jayney, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.

I apologize for the other day.

I don't believe that you would be--

that you would have had sex with Rajiv.

I don't believe that you'd be that

stupid, childish, or desperate.

Thank you.

Now, I know--

I know this play is important to all of you,

and because this is your career.

And I think that's fantastic.

That's brilliant.

And you're all gonna go off and have really blossoming careers.

But I think the play is more important to the men,

because they haven't got that.

And they're in here for a very long time.

And-- and they love it.

They're loving every-- every minute of it,

and I've never seen the lifers wing being so quiet.

And as far as I'm concerned, that's a good thing.

So, uh, I think the show must go on,

and we should start rehearsing as soon as possible.

All right.

Thanks for that.

Um, what I'm thinking about is, thank you, Kevin.

That's great.

That's really good.

Um, is that because we missed a day's rehearsal today,

and I really think we need to make it up.

Um, so I mean, do you think there's any way we could

have another day's rehearsal?

Well, I mean, I can't magic up another day, you know?

Is there any way we could do it on Sunday?

No, it's logistics.

We've got half the amount of prison staff on a Sunday.

The main problem, the main problem

would be-- would be feeding the men, which is very, very

important, and feeding you lot, that we simply haven't got

enough staff to escort the inmates and yourselves

from the rehearsal room.

So if we-- so it's about them having lunch?

If we brought in food for them, then you know,

we could kind of eat it in the rehearsal room.

You know, we could all-- you know,

we could all have a prisoner, respectively, who we cook for.

We could sort of make their best favorite meal sort of thing

and kind of eat it as a sort of, you know,

special meal in the-- in the rehearsal room,

and I could cook for you.

Well, I don't see why not.

I think it'd be lovely.

Really good, I think.

The moon is made of cheese.

I wonder if I should have ordered a--

a cheese sauce with my meal.

What are you having, Charlie?

Ackee and saltfish with fried plantain.

Why?

What are you having?

Duck with orange.

I'm having a avocado with prawns in it.

You know, and a pork pie with the old berries

like you used to get in a butcher's shop, yeah?

I'm having fish and chips.

And I'm gonna have these little baby tweety pie

quails with roasted peppers.

And I'm gonna have artichokes in a light vinaigrette.

You've had that before, have you?

No

Well, what if you don't like it?

I'll spit it out.

Well, it's a waste.

It's good to try something new.

I'm having cheesecake and pizza.

What flavor pizza?

Apocalyptic tundra flavor.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, it's Guinea pigs, isn't it?

Huh?

We're like some experiment for her, aren't we?

We're like Guinea pigs.

Am I the only person who's feeling this?

Well, why have she got real murderers to do Sweeney Todd?

I mean, we've got this like big cancerous tumor

hanging over our heads.

And what's she got that there for?

We got like a-- a--

an electric chair here.

She wants us to all go to the chair

and be gassed or electrified.

It's a barber's chair!

It's an electric chair.

She wants us to all kill ourselves.

We've got like a-- a Japanese sunset.

You know, those kamikaze pilots go flying into the sunset,

like suicide bombers.

Hey, yo, Jordan, what are you been so heavy for?

Look, it's a nipple!

[LAUGHTER]

It's a great big tit!

You know what I'm saying?

I love this chair, you know.

You know what?

It reminds me of like a suit I had when I was, like, five,

yeah?

Because I had a bow tie, yeah, and I had like an elastic band

around the back.

You had a suit made of this?

Yeah.

I bet you looked very nice.

Thank you.

What's this?

Is she taking the piss with us?

What's this supposed to represent?

It's a pie.

So what?

Why has it got little twinkies and pinkies sticking out of it?

It's like a pie made for pedophiles.

What's she trying to say to us?

It's like a nonce pie!

It's funny.

No, it's sick.

It's symbolic.

[LAUGHTER]

What's the matter with you?

Hey!

What is the matter with you?

Nothing's the matter with me.

What's the matter with you?

You all right?

You're scared, ain't you?

Why can't you just relax, eh?

Try and fit in with the rest of us.

MAN [ON RADIO]: Your opera company's here.

Coming all the way.

Hey, yo, where's Rajiv with my costume, you know?

I can't rehearse without my costume.

Hey, I think Rajiv's a bit behind with the costumes.

[LAUGHTER]

One, two, three, and--

[SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

His skin was pale, and his eye was odd.

He shaved the faces of gentlemen who never

thereafter were heard of again.

He trod a path that few have trod,

did Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.

He kept a shop in London town, of fantasy

clients and good renown.

And what if none of their souls were saved?

They went to their maker impeccably shaved by Sweeney,

by Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.

Swing your razor wide, Sweeney.

Hold it to the skies.

1, 2.

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and--

[SINGING] City on fire, rats in the grass and the lunatics

yelling in the streets.

It's the end of the world.

Yes, city on fire.

Hunchbacks dancing, stirrings in the ground,

and the whirring of giant wings.

Watch out!

Look, blotting out the most moonlight, thick black rain

falling on the the city on fire.

City of fire!

City on fire!

[REHEARSAL PIANO]

Yeah, it's a bit of a mess.

It's a bit bloody manic.

We need, really, to kind of focus.

Yeah, I think we're just a bit freaked out.

We'll be all right.

We just need to eat.

It's the food.

Are you all really hungry?

You know, we're not used to eating in front of each other.

Right, right.

Right, right.

Yeah, I see.

Let's eat.

Wow.

Look at that.

Syd-- Syd-- Sydney.

Good work, Sydney.

Fantastic.

Well done, Sydney.

Kevin, you're next to me.

Yeah, there's place names for everyone, so--

Wow.

I mean, it really looks amazing.

Come on, you lot.

What are you waiting for?

Jordan?

Sydney, you're over here.

You're here.

Dennis.

Well, you can sort of sweat them.

Sweat?

Well, it's just a way of getting the skin.

You can hold them over a flame, and then skin sort of rubs off,

and then this is pork, glazed pork, Moroccan pork

with couscous, and, um, raisins and, um,

chickpeas, and coriander.

Yeah, it's sort of my-- my thing that I always make.

[SOBBING]

[LAUGHTER]

L'orange.

Orange, duck a l'orange.

Duck a l'orange.

A speciality, I think, of Provence.

I'm really sorry.

I wish I never ordered these roll-'em-ups.

Come on, I'll take one off, and then you'll be able to eat

the one that's left.

Supermarché.

Ah, oui.

Serve to that side, Eugene.

- I don't really like olives. - No?

No.

OK.

The

Kenneth, why don't you use a knife and fork?

This is the proper way to eat fish

and chips, with your fingers and the paper.

I wish I ordered an Indian.

Funny you should say that.

I thought you wouldn't like those roll-'em-ups.

[CHUCKLING]

You're the man, you're the man!

Yes!

How about that?

Is there one for me?

Julia.

Sydney.

Um, I was wondering, you know, you don't have to--

would you write to me?

Um, yes.

Yes, Sydney.

Yes, I'd do that.

Yeah.

[CLINKING ON GLASS]

I'd-- I'd to say something, if that's all right.

I've been sitting down in the evenings,

trying to write this biography that Jonny asked us to write.

And I thought I'd try and tell you about me,

about Walter, about my life.

Then I realized I ain't got a life, have I?

It's a wasted life.

See, all the time, all I've ever thought about is me.

What I want, I get.

And I don't think about the consequences,

how other people might feel.

If I want it, I got it.

And then you lot came along, didn't you?

And I still don't understand why you come here.

You, Miles!

I never heard a voice like that before.

It soars.

No, I ain't ashamed to say it made me cry.

But what are you doing here?

You should be out there achieving something,

not sitting here doing it.

And it just makes me so angry!

So I've decided, I wanna try and change.

I'm gonna try and listen to other people,

think of other people before I step in

and do things from now on.

Don't mean to say I'm gonna go soft, because I ain't.

Anyone crosses me, and that's it.

As for you, Victoria, you're a witty, intelligent, and a--

you're a stubborn cow, I'll give you that, and beautiful woman.

Thank you.

Well, Victoria, eat, eat, eat.

Jayney, you're not eating.

Jordan, eat, eat!

[LAUGHTER]

Lilly, not eating!

You know, I had a dream about you last night.

Did you?

And you were wearing a pair of marigold glasses.

How do you think my character's coming along?

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, oh, just a minute.

Just-- just--

[OPERATIC SINGING]

What?

How are you feeling about tomorrow night?

I'm really nervous.

Me, too.

I'm shitting myself.

[OPERATIC SINGING]

I'm just writing down these--

these words.

I mean, they don't really mean anything.

They're just really--

[OPERATIC SINGING]

Don't fucking look at me like that with those eyes.

I mean, do you want me to scream?

No, don't.

Stop, I said off me.

That smells so sweet.

[LAUGHTER]

Don't look at me with those eyes.

Oh, just a kiss to breathe, to feel, to touch.

Oh, god, I'm so weak.

[LAUGHTER]

Victoria?

I've got something for you.

Oh, Sydney.

Jayney.

Jayney, look.

Where was it?

In the back on one of the bales.

Oh, Victoria, it's--

it's not a nice thing to be accused of something when--

when you know you're innocent.

I seem to remember a few days ago you were accusing us.

And it's-- it's-- it's not a nice feeling,

do you know what I mean?

I don't--

I don't think I did accuse you.

I don't think I--

I certainly didn't intend to accuse you.

Oh, you-- you did, Victoria.

You did, man.

You did.

I don't-- I know that I didn't.

- You did. - I definitely didn't.

I de-- I definitely know that I--

You assumed it.

I-- the thought probably did cross my mind, so I--

I probably-- I probably did assume it a bit.

So?

And?

And-- and now I've got it back, and thank you.

Thank you. - And?

And?

And?

And the S-word?

Ss--

Ss-- ss--

Ss--

Ss--

Ss--

And I'm sorry.

[CHEERING]

Considering the amount of time that we've-- we've had,

everybody has done brilliantly.

Victoria, what do you think of us?

Uh, um, well, I think you're all very--

Yeah.

I think you've all done well.

I mean, I think you've all done really well.

I think, you know--

No, no, no.

As-- as people.

Um, I think you're all very different.

You know, I-- that I--

I probably had an idea about how you were going to be before I

came, and you-- you know, you're certainly

not what I expected you to be.

You know, you're all very different.

You know, talented, and, you know, funny, and stubborn,

and you know, quite patient, I think, actually.

And some of you quite scary, um, but, uh, but I--

I like you.

[LAUGHTER]

Thank you.

Thank you for the costumes.

They're perfect.

Yeah, great.

Great.

Listen, um, I've got something I need to tell you, OK?

Um, you're not gonna wanna be my friend.

Yeah.

And you probably won't wanna work with me again,

but I've just got to tell you, OK?

Yeah.

I know we're about to go on, but can I

just get it off my chest, yeah?

Yeah.

I did fuck him.

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you still love me?

Yes, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're fantastic.

Good luck.

- Thanks. - Shh!

Yeah, great.

You're great.

Just a little bit something.

Yes.

Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous.

You'll be fine.

You'll be fine.

You're gonna be fine.

OK, guys. we're ready for you.

Now, just enjoy it, OK?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Here we go.

[APPLAUSE]

[SINGING] Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd.

His skin was odd and his eye as odd.

He shaved the faces of gentlemen man

who never thereafter were heard of again.

He trod a path that few have trod,

did Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.

He kept a shop in London town of fantasy

clients and good renown.

And what if none of their souls were saved?

They went to their maker impeccably shaved by Sweeney,

by Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.

Swing your razor wide, Sweeney.

Hold it to the skies.

Freely flows the blood of those who moralize.