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1
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,319
GOOD EVENING, FIEND FANS,
2
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,222
AND WELCOME TO MY CRAWLY CRYPT.
3
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,991
THIS LITTLE DRAMA
4
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:29,761
IS ABOUT ONE OF LIFE'S
UNEXPECTED PLEASURES...
5
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,631
DYING, THAT IS.
6
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:36,134
MOST OF US ONLY
GET TO DO IT ONCE.
7
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:40,539
THEN IT'S ALL OVER BEFORE
YOU CAN REALLY ENJOY IT.
8
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:44,777
BUT ONE MAN DID
GET TO DIE AGAIN,
9
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,212
AND HE LIKED IT SO MUCH,
10
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,181
HE STARTED DOING
IT FOR A LIVING.
11
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:57,088
THIS IS THE STORY
OF ULRIC THE UNDYING,
12
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,924
A SIDE SHOW PERFORMER
13
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:01,860
WHO FOUND DEATH NOT ONLY FUN,
14
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:04,062
BUT PROFITABLE.
15
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:08,800
IN FACT, HE'S DYING TO
PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU...
16
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,535
RIGHT NOW.
17
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,490
COME GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND.
18
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:06,636
COME FROM FAR, COME FROM NEAR.
19
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,660
GATHER ROUND, FOLKS,
RIGHT OVER HERE.
20
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,896
COME SEE THE
SHOW... 100% NATURAL,
21
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,164
NOTHING ARTIFICIAL,
GUARANTEED NO PESTICIDES,
22
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,000
AH, BUT PERHAPS A HOMICIDE.
23
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:16,779
TONIGHT, A SPECIAL SHOW,
24
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,336
TWO SHOWS IN ONE...
25
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:19,904
THE TRAGEDY OF DEATH
26
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,853
AND THE MIRACLE OF RESURRECTION!
27
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,142
OH! OH!
28
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:25,611
TONIGHT, THIS MAN,
29
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,646
OUR VERY OWN ULRIC THE UNDYING,
30
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,227
WILL BE SEALED INTO A COFFIN
31
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:32,317
AND BURIED IN A
GRAVE 6 FEET UNDER
32
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,519
TO AWAIT HIS
INEVITABLE EXPIRATION
33
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,355
BY THE GRASP OF SUFFOCATION.
34
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,923
I CALL TO YOUR ATTENTION A CLOCK
35
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:39,925
WHICH HANGS ABOVE HIS GRAVE.
36
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,526
ULRIC WILL BE BURIED ALIVE
37
00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:43,139
AT PRECISELY THE
STROKE OF MIDNIGHT,
38
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,374
BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA LET
HIM OUT UNTIL NOON TOMORROW,
39
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:46,610
AT WHICH TIME HIS PRECIOUS,
40
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,967
PRECIOUS OXYGEN WILL
HAVE BEEN EXHAUSTED.
41
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,703
HA HA HA HA HA! FOLKS,
THIS IS AN ESCAPE
42
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,939
THAT HOUDINI HIMSELF
COULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF.
43
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:57,142
I GIVE TO YOU ULRIC THE UNDYING!
44
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:08,186
ULRIC! ULRIC!
45
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:10,455
All: ULRIC! ULRIC!
46
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,990
ULRIC! ULRIC!
47
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,758
ULRIC! ULRIC!
48
00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,393
ULRIC! ULRIC!
49
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,028
ULRIC! ULRIC!
50
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,963
ULRIC! ULRIC!
51
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,766
ULRIC! ULRIC!
52
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,634
ULRIC! ULRIC!
53
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,669
ULRIC! ULRIC!
54
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,506
ULRIC! ULRIC! ULRIC!
55
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:36,814
WHEN THEY DIG
ME UP, I'LL BE DEAD,
56
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,585
JUST LIKE ALL THOSE
BASTARDS WANT ME TO BE,
57
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:45,023
BUT I WON'T STAY THAT WAY.
58
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:49,427
I REMEMBER THE DAY IT ALL BEGAN.
59
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,706
AAH!
60
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,775
WHO ARE YOU?
61
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,078
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE RICH?
62
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,112
HEY...
63
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,181
RICHER THAN YOU EVER
THOUGHT POSSIBLE.
64
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,817
RICHER THAN YOU EVER DREAMED OF.
65
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,887
HMM.
66
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,856
THIS MONEY, MY LIFE SAVINGS,
67
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,991
WILL BE YOURS
68
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:24,162
IF YOU CONSENT TO
A SMALL EXPERIMENT.
69
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:25,908
UH...
70
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,567
HA HA HA!
71
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:30,268
YES, MY FRIEND.
72
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,569
COME.
73
00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,184
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
74
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:38,543
WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND.
75
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,448
THIS... YOU'LL
PARDON THE TERM...
76
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:45,150
IS A CAT SCAN.
77
00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:47,152
IT SHOWS BLOOD
FLOW INTO THE BRAIN
78
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,120
OF A HEALTHY HOUSE CAT.
79
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:52,724
THIS SHOWS THE BRAIN
OF A CAT NEAR DEATH.
80
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,225
WHAT'S YOUR POINT, DOC?
81
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:56,928
MY POINT IS THAT
THIS CAT DIDN'T DIE.
82
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,196
NOT PERMANENTLY.
83
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:01,099
AN HOUR LATER, HE WAS
HEALTHY AS A KITTEN,
84
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,601
AND THE SAME THING
HAPPENED AGAIN AND AGAIN
85
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:08,339
UNTIL THE NINTH TIME, WHEN
HE FINALLY STAYED DEAD.
86
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,275
OH. DIFFERENT CAT, HUH?
87
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,378
WHAT'S ALL THIS
GOT TO DO WITH ME?
88
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,013
WELL, I...
89
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,949
I WANT TO GIVE YOU
THOSE NINE LIVES.
90
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,250
DON'T TOUCH!
91
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,019
THE NEXT BEST THING
TO BEING IMMORTAL.
92
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,456
IT'S A SIMPLE MATTER, REALLY,
93
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:27,358
REMOVING A GLAND
FROM A COMMON CAT
94
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,360
AND SURGICALLY
95
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,340
GRAFTING IT INTO YOUR BRAIN.
96
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,263
WAIT. INTO MY BRAIN?
97
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,198
OHHH...
98
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,635
SO I CAN DIE NINE TIMES!
99
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,103
NOW YOU'RE MAKING SENSE, DOC.
100
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:43,007
AND THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE
GOING TO DO IT, HUH?
101
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,444
I'M GOING TO GET YOUR GLAND,
102
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:48,513
AND THESE ARE THE
TOOLS OF THE PROFESSION.
103
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,748
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
104
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,384
IF THIS DON'T WORK...
105
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,119
IF IT DOESN'T WORK,
106
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,133
YOU'LL HAVE NO COMPLAINTS.
107
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,157
UHH!
108
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,024
HOLY...
109
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,461
CHRIST, I'VE HAD
HANGOVERS BEFORE,
110
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,395
BUT THIS IS TERRIBLE.
111
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:05,863
MY HEAD.
112
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:07,666
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, DOC.
113
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,179
YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE
GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD.
114
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,803
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
115
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,437
SHITTY.
116
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,551
DOC, DID IT WORK?
117
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,808
ABSOLUTELY. FABULOUS.
118
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,243
FANTASTIC!
119
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:24,716
YOU NOW HAVE THE NINE
LIVES OF THIS POOR CAT.
120
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,918
WAIT A MINUTE.
121
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,453
HOW DO I KNOW
I'VE GOT NINE LIVES?
122
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,691
THIS OUGHT TO KILL YOU.
123
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,995
NO, DOC! NO!
124
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:02,053
THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
125
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,688
NO!
126
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,958
WELCOME BACK TO LIFE, MY FRIEND.
127
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,893
YOU... YOU BASTARD!
128
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,273
YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!
129
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,096
I DIDN'T TRY TO KILL YOU.
130
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,065
I DID KILL YOU,
131
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,167
DEADER THAN KELSEY'S NUTS!
132
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:19,237
AND YOU CAN STILL
DIE EIGHT MORE TIMES.
133
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:22,407
ALL RIGHT. IF THAT'S TRUE,
134
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,286
WHEN DO I GET MY MONEY?
135
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:26,978
AS I PROMISED, RIGHT NOW,
136
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:31,616
BUT BEFORE YOU STAGGER
INTO THE NEAREST BAR
137
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,118
TO SLURP DOWN YOUR MONEY,
138
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:39,190
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
MAKE 100 TIMES MORE, 1,000?
139
00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,893
NO! NO! WHAT ELSE DO
YOU WANT TO DO TO ME?
140
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,896
NOTHING, DEAR
BOY. I JUST THOUGHT
141
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,097
PERHAPS YOUR SPECIAL TALENT
142
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:48,166
COULD MAKE US
BOTH A LOT OF MONEY,
143
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,168
ENOUGH TO FINANCE MY YEARS
144
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,670
OF MY LONGEVITY RESEARCH
145
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,505
AND ENOUGH, OF COURSE,
146
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,407
TO BUY YOU AN OCEAN OF ALCOHOL.
147
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:56,619
WHAT DO I GOTTA DO?
148
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:57,708
FIRST, YOU NEED TO SHAVE.
149
00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:00,278
TRY NOT TO CUT YOUR OWN THROAT.
150
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,848
THOSE EXTRA LIVES ARE
TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE.
151
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,788
WHY NOT?
152
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,790
IT'D BE WORTH MILLIONS.
153
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:17,028
NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED.
I'VE SEEN ESCAPE ACTS.
154
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:18,641
THE ONLY THING THAT
DISAPPEARS IS THE AUDIENCE.
155
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,132
YEAH, BUT ULRIC THE
UNDYING IS DIFFERENT.
156
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,281
YOU SEE, HE DOESN'T ESCAPE.
157
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,836
HE ACTUALLY DIES
RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES.
158
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,337
THAT'S WHY WE CAN ONLY SCHEDULE
159
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,372
A LIMITED NUMBER
OF PERFORMANCES.
160
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,541
HE DIES?
161
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,209
YES.
162
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,878
OK, STRANGELOVE,
I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.
163
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,859
I HOPE IT WORKS. I
COULD USE THE MONEY.
164
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,982
MY FREAKS NEED A NEW SHOE.
165
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,991
GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND
166
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:49,694
AS ULRIC THE UNDYING DEFIES
THE DROWNING CHAMBER,
167
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,497
A WATERY NIGHTMARE FROM
WHICH THERE IS NO ESCAPE,
168
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,999
THREE MINUTES IS ENOUGH
TO KILL ANY MERE MORTAL,
169
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,235
BUT ULRIC WILL REMAIN UNDERWATER
170
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,436
FOR A FULL HOUR,
171
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:01,539
AS VERIFIED BY THE
EMINENT DR. MANFRED MANN.
172
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,274
DR. EMIL MANFRED.
173
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,177
WHATEVER YOU SAY, DOC.
ULRIC, ARE YOU READY?
174
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,646
HUH?
175
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,414
ARE YOU READY?
176
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:11,049
OH, YEAH, I'M READY.
177
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,384
OK, BOYS. FILL HER UP.
178
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:15,420
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
179
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,169
AS THE WATER ENGULFS ULRIC,
180
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,223
I BEG YOU TO CONTROL
YOUR EMOTIONS.
181
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,492
MAKE NO MOVE TO SAVE HIM!
182
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,340
SORRY. STAND BACK!
183
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,375
DO YOU WANT TO
HAVE DINNER AFTER?
184
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,331
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER
185
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,932
WITH ME LATER?
186
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,034
HE WAS A CHILD PRODIGY...
187
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:31,937
DINNER.
188
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,020
DINNER WITH ME LATER.
189
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:40,879
DINNER! AHH! EAT!
190
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:44,315
YOU WANT TO EAT WITH ME LATER
191
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,318
AFTER YOU'RE DEAD?
192
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,954
YOU... I'LL WAIT HERE, OK?
193
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:07,538
OH, OH! OH, OH, OH! OH!
194
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,341
SPEED IT UP, SPEED IT UP.
195
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,290
THAT'S IT! HE'S DEADER
196
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,625
THAN A POSSUM ON THE INTERSTATE.
197
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,993
HE'S DEADER THAN SHIT!
198
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,193
DON'T WORRY, FOLKS.
199
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,428
WE'RE GONNA STILL
KEEP HIM IN THERE
200
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,454
FOR A FULL HOUR!
201
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,133
MAY I HAVE THE OFFICIAL CLOCK?
202
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,463
HE'S DEAD.
203
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,598
HE'S OFFICIALLY DEAD.
204
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,295
THANK YOU, DR. MANFRED.
205
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,504
DRAIN THE TANK.
206
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,174
THIS MAY SEEM LIKE
ULRIC'S LAST PERFORMANCE,
207
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,754
BUT DON'T GO AWAY YET, FOLKS,
208
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:48,046
FOR ULRIC IS A MAN WHO
LIVES ONLY TO DIE AGAIN.
209
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:51,949
I GIVE YOU RESURRECTION!
210
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,353
RESURRECTION!
211
00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:58,901
IS HE GONNA COME
BACK FOR DINNER?
212
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,570
OF COURSE HE'S GONNA
COME BACK. RESURRECTION,
213
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,527
DOC, RESURRECT!
214
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:05,130
RESURRECTION! COME BACK!
215
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,843
COME BACK!
216
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,533
FOLKS, DON'T GO AWAY.
DOC! DOC, YOU CAN
217
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:10,846
GET IN TROUBLE IN
SOME STATES FOR THIS.
218
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,970
RESURRECTION! RESURRECTION!
219
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,605
FOLKS! FOLKS, DON'T GO AWAY.
220
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,818
RESURRECTION!
221
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,209
I'LL BE HAPPY TO GIVE
YOU A RAIN CHECK.
222
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,977
RESURRECTION!
223
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,546
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
224
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:22,947
FOLKS, FOLKS, LISTEN.
225
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,650
OH! OH!
226
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,363
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN THERE?
227
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:29,832
HOW COULD YOU LET HIM DO IT?
228
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,366
IT'S YOUR FAULT HE'S DEAD.
229
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,902
AAH!
230
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:36,094
IT'S HIS FAULT I'M
RICH! HA HA HA!
231
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,661
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, HONEY?
232
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:39,464
UH... CORALEE.
233
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,565
HEY, CORALEE,
234
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,044
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HAVE SOME ITALIAN FOOD?
235
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:43,001
I'M BUYING.
236
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,001
THAT'D BE GREAT!
237
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,736
DOC, GET ME A TOWEL.
238
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:46,816
HE'S ALIVE!
239
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,807
HEY, I'M RESURRECTED!
240
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,577
DOC!
241
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:53,911
RESURRECTION!
242
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:54,913
HE'S ALIVE!
243
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,214
RESURRECTION!
244
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:59,116
GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND.
245
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:02,353
HA HA HA HA!
246
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:03,988
JUST THINK, DOC.
247
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,268
10 GRAND JUST TO LET
THEM WATCH ME DROWN
248
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,592
ON THE 10:00 NEWS.
249
00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:10,061
DON'T FORGET YOU AGREED THAT 60%
250
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,163
GOES TO CONTINUE MY
LONGEVITY RESEARCH.
251
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,665
HEY, DOC, RELAX. WE
GOT A PARTNERSHIP,
252
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,935
AND I GOT A DATE.
253
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,470
HI.
254
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,105
HI.
255
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,553
THAT'S ONE THING I'LL SAY
256
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,777
FOR OLD DOC MANFRED.
257
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:29,580
HE WASTED NO TIME
GETTING ME KILLED AGAIN.
258
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,315
GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND
259
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,117
FOR A LITTLE FRONTIER JUSTICE
260
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,286
AS OUR OWN ULRIC THE UNDYING
261
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,832
IS GONNA HAVE A
LITTLE NECKTIE PARTY
262
00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:37,900
AS HE GETS HIS NECK STRETCHED
263
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,123
BEFORE OUR VERY EYES.
264
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,691
SEEMS LIKE A NICE DAY TO DIE.
265
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:44,161
I BECAME A SENSATION.
266
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,197
CROWDS WOULD GATHER
FROM MILES AROUND
267
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,033
JUST TO SEE ME BITE THE BIG ONE.
268
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,313
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
THANKS FOR COMIN'.
269
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,336
THANKS FOR COMIN' BACK.
SEEN YOU LAST TIME HERE.
270
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:55,807
OH, COME ON! COME ON!
271
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,853
LADIES, GENTLEMEN, TEXANS,
AND OTHER FAINT-HEARTED,
272
00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,376
YOU MAY WANT TO
TURN YOUR EYES AWAY
273
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,445
FROM THIS HORRIBLE
EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS
274
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,547
WHEN YOU DO THE DIRTY
275
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,182
IN THE DIRTY TOWN OF DASTARDLY.
276
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,182
PULL THE LEVER.
277
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,184
I SAID I DON'T WANT TO DO IT!
278
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:07,184
PULL IT!
279
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,853
CORALEE, PULL THE LEVER!
280
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,333
YOU DO IT! I DON'T
WANT TO DO IT!
281
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,834
WELL, THERE'S NOT
MUCH RIDING UPSTAIRS,
282
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,101
BUT DOWNSTAIRS
IN WHAT'S COUNTING.
283
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,159
CORALEE, PULL THE LEVER.
284
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,072
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
285
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,296
I DON'T WANT...
286
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,433
UH-OH!
287
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,437
HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!
288
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,229
HE'S ALIVE! HE'S ALIVE!
289
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,620
CORALEE, THE ROPE,
THE ROPE. GRAB THE ROPE.
290
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,199
CORALEE, I DON'T
WANT TO WASTE A LIFE.
291
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:46,257
CORA... AAAAH!
292
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,793
HEY, DOC, THERE'S AN
AWFUL LOT OF MONEY
293
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:50,061
IN DYING, ISN'T THERE?
294
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,130
AS LONG AS I GET MY PERCENTAGE.
295
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,742
HEY, DOC, NO PROBLEM.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
296
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,244
YOU'RE THE GUY COUNTING
THE MONEY, RIGHT?
297
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,545
HEY, ALL I WANT IS MY SHARE.
298
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:57,502
HI, BABY!
299
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,315
HI, BABY. DOC, THANKS A MILLION!
300
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,105
THANKS A MILLION!
301
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:02,417
ULRIC!
302
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:04,609
Coralee: I WANT TO
SEE MR. FRIENDLY.
303
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:09,113
I FIGURED IT WAS TIME
TO BOOST MY PROFITS,
304
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,116
SO I WAITED JUST FOR
THE RIGHT MOMENT.
305
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:16,988
THINK WHAT A STRANGE MACHINE
306
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,222
THE HUMAN BODY IS, ULRIC.
307
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,069
YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT?
308
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,270
YOU CAN KILL A MAN BY DESTROYING
309
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,128
LESS THAN 1% OF HIS BODY.
310
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,631
HE CAN BE 99% HEALTHY AND DEAD.
311
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,709
AMAZING, ISN'T IT?
312
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:28,966
EVERY HUMAN BODY
313
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,501
IS LIKE A WALKING CHEMISTRY SET.
314
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,836
AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
315
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,405
TO UPSET THAT
DELICATE BALANCE...
316
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,751
DEATH. JEEZ.
317
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,743
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
SO AMAZING, ULRIC,
318
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,246
BECAUSE YOUR BODY FIXES ITSELF.
319
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,081
AND IT'S GOING TO MAKE
US BOTH A LOT OF MONEY.
320
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,194
WELL, DOC, YOU'RE
HALF RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
321
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,830
SEE, IT'S GOING TO
MAKE ME A LOT OF MONEY.
322
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,254
SEE, I GOTTA BREACH
OUR CONTRACT, DOC.
323
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,255
YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE
324
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:53,004
IN A TERRIBLE CAR ACCIDENT.
325
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,260
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? THAT'S MURDER.
326
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,340
YEAH, DOC, BUT WHO'S
GOING TO SUSPECT ME?
327
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,076
I MEAN, AFTER ALL,
I'LL DIE WITH YOU.
328
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,477
BUT, HEY, I'VE GOT SIX LIVES.
329
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:05,303
ULRIC! WAIT! SLOW DOWN!
330
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,304
HA HA HA HA!
331
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:07,372
WAIT!
332
00:15:09,942 --> 00:15:12,609
NO HARD FEELINGS, DOC.
333
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,855
GATHER ROUND! GATHER ROUND!
334
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,091
TONIGHT, A SPECIAL DELIGHT.
335
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,359
THIS IS NO HOAX,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
336
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,160
IN A FEW MINUTES, OUR OWN ULRIC,
337
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,717
THE MAN WHO LIVES TO
DIE WILL BE QUICK-FRIED
338
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,631
WITH A BURST OF
ELECTRICAL ENERGY!
339
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,832
AND ONE OF YOU LUCKY FOLKS
340
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,801
IS GONNA BE THE ONE
TO PULL THE SWITCH!
341
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,405
CORALEE, WILL YOU
DRAW THE LUCKY NUMBER?
342
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,361
THE HONORS...
343
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,229
UM... THE LUCKY NUMBER IS...
344
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:35,332
OH! OH! 5, 2...
345
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:36,445
THAT'S 1. IT'S A 5.
346
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:41,405
10590!
347
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,040
AW! AW!
348
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,242
THAT'S ME! HA HA HA!
349
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,513
COME UP HERE AND
CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!
350
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,048
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU
GET TO FRY MY BOYFRIEND!
351
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,018
ULRIC! DO YOU HAVE
ANY LAST WORDS?
352
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,486
YES, I DO.
353
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,922
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS DEATH
354
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,858
TO THE MEMORY OF
DR. EMIL MANFRED,
355
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,293
MY DEAR FRIEND,
356
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:06,197
WHO WOULD HAVE
WANTED ME TO CONTINUE...
357
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,346
SHUT UP AND COOK HIM!
358
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,669
ARE YOU READY?
359
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,971
YOU BET YOUR ASS, I'M READY!
360
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,641
I'M READY TO DIE.
361
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,409
HA HA HA!
362
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,910
THEN NUKE HIM!
363
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,813
GO FOR IT, GRANDMA!
364
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:35,125
SHOCKING, ISN'T IT?
365
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,634
GO FOR THE BURN!
366
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,084
LOOKS LIKE THAT'S THE END
367
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:50,775
OF OLD ULRIC, EH?
368
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,580
SHAKE AND BAKE.
369
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,215
RESURRECTION!
370
00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,216
OR ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE
371
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:00,517
A LIAR OUT OF ME?
372
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,664
RESURRECTION!
373
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,087
OK, ULRIC.
374
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,722
ULRIC?
375
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,191
ULRIC!
376
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,726
RESURRECTION!
377
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:09,871
JUST A GAG, FOLKS.
HE'S A KIDDER.
378
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:10,827
COME ON, ULRIC, RESURRECTION.
379
00:17:10,896 --> 00:17:11,829
Audience member: RESURRECTION!
380
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,531
SHE DID IT! THE CHAMP!
381
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,235
GRANDMA KILLED MY BOYFRIEND!
382
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,803
YAY!
383
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,404
THERE'S NO PULSE HERE.
384
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,207
HE'S GOING FOR A
NEW WORLD RECORD!
385
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,210
THAT'S ONE THING
I HADN'T FIGURED.
386
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,846
SOME RESURRECTIONS
TAKE LONGER THAN OTHERS.
387
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,563
APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS.
388
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,986
ALL RIGHT, NOW.
389
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,921
FIRST WE DRAIN...
390
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,390
LADIES AND...
391
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:40,858
AAAH!
392
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,306
DON'T! YOU CAN'T EMBALM HIM!
393
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:46,364
HE'S, UM... HE'S
NOT REALLY DEAD.
394
00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:47,476
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.
395
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,599
NOW, PLEASE EXCUSE ME.
396
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,200
I HAVE A VERY TIGHT SCHEDULE.
397
00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:53,037
AAAAH!
398
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,549
HEY, HONEY. WELCOME BACK.
399
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,274
CORALEE, BABY,
WHAT WAS OUR TAKE?
400
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,942
OH! 50,625!
401
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,410
ALL RIGHT!
402
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,178
WORTH DYING FOR,
HONEY, WORTH DYING FOR.
403
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,179
LISTEN, I MISSED YOU
WHILE I WAS DEAD.
404
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,181
DID YOU MISS ME?
405
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,782
OH, I MISSED YOU!
406
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,351
OOH, THAT ONE... WHOO!
THAT ONE, THAT ONE... WHOO!
407
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,386
THAT ONE WAS TOO
CLOSE FOR COMFORT.
408
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:10,932
I MEAN, IF THIS GUY EMBALMS ME,
409
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:12,667
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN COME BACK.
410
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,959
AND EVEN IF I CAN... UGH.
411
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:19,263
SO THE NEXT TIME, I MADE
SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS.
412
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,332
CORALEE WAS GOING TO GET
MY BODY NO MATTER WHAT.
413
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,401
GATHER ROUND! GATHER ROUND!
414
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,672
SHOOT AN ARROW, LAY
THE BEAR IN THE GROUND!
415
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,975
NOW FOR YOUR PLEASURE,
FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY,
416
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:34,845
IS YOUR CHANCE TO KILL
A REAL LIVE HUMAN BEING!
417
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,559
COME ON, I'M DYING TO DIE!
418
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,494
COME ON, HIT ME,
HIT ME. AHHHHHH!
419
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,362
IN THE HEART! IN THE HEART!
420
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,686
GIVE HIM A "HEART"
ON, AS IT WILL. HA HA!
421
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:43,687
YEAH!
422
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:44,756
YES, COME ON UP HERE!
423
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,123
OH! OH! A MAN OF THE SEA.
424
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,124
COME ON.
425
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:48,125
COME ON UP HERE, SON.
426
00:18:48,194 --> 00:18:49,126
COME ON UP HERE, ADMIRAL.
427
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,905
COME ON, NAVY, LET'S GO!
428
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:53,309
SHOW THAT BIMBO WHAT YOU'VE GOT!
429
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,198
THAT WILL BE $1,000, PLEASE.
430
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,147
COME ON, COME ON! WHAT'S $1,000
431
00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,248
WHEN YOU GET TO KILL
A REAL HUMAN BEING?
432
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,437
YEAH! COME ON!
433
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:01,917
WHAT ARE YOU, AFRAID?
434
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,908
YES? NO? WELL, THEN,
ANCHORS AWAY, POPEYE.
435
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,021
OK, MOVE AWAY. MOVE AWAY.
436
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,155
COME ON, LET'S
GO! WHO'LL BE NEXT?
437
00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:08,779
COME ON! WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!
438
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,048
OH, HERE'S A MACHO
MAN! HA HA HA HA!
439
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,660
YOU'VE BEEN PUMPING
IRON, I SEE, HUH?
440
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,396
UH, YES, WE DO
TAKE CREDIT CARDS.
441
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,686
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
442
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,765
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
443
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,334
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
444
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,235
WELL, OK, STEP RIGHT UP
THERE, SON. TIME IS MONEY.
445
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,292
COME ON, BONZO!
446
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,671
DON'T PLAY TO THE
CROWD. PLAY TO THE BEAR.
447
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:23,705
THAT'S THE ONE
YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL.
448
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,529
COME ON. HE'S DYING
TO DIE! HA HA HA!
449
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,131
COME ON, ASSHOLE! WHERE
DID YOU GET THAT HAT?
450
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,300
SHOOT HIM!
451
00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:30,468
HIT THE BEAR!
452
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:33,170
ONE SHOT! ONE SHOT YOU
HAVE HERE. COME ON, BOY!
453
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:34,816
YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU CAN!
454
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,318
THE BEAR'S OVER THERE.
THE BEAR'S OVER THERE.
455
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,274
Man: I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!
456
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,620
Woman: AH! HE'S
GONNA KILL US ALL!
457
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:39,721
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. YOU
READY? ARE YOU READY?
458
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:42,179
AIM! FIRE!
459
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:43,659
NICE SHOT!
460
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,216
OH! SO NEAR AND YET SO FAR!
461
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,030
AS THE FRENCH
SAY, ZE TOUGH SHIT!
462
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,153
HA HA HA HA HA!
463
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,722
WHO'S NEXT? COME ON,
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!
464
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,469
JUNIOR'S GOING TO GIVE IT A TRY!
465
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,359
A FATHER AND SON TEAM!
466
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,928
YOU CAN DO IT. COME
ON, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
467
00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,041
WHAT DO WE OWE YOU, $1,000?
468
00:19:59,065 --> 00:19:59,997
$1,000, PLEASE.
469
00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:00,998
WELL WORTH IT FOR MY SON.
470
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:01,999
COME ON, JUNI...
471
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,000
I DON'T WANT TO.
472
00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:04,001
JUNIOR, DON'T BE A SISSY NOW.
473
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,213
I DON'T WANT TO. JUNIOR...
474
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,248
LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER,
SON. LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER.
475
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,382
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
I'M GONNA GET YOU
476
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,185
A JUNIOR MEMBERSHIP
IN THE N.R.A.
477
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,153
SOME KIDS KILL RABBITS.
YOU CAN KILL PEOPLE.
478
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,454
COME ON, NOW. PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
479
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:13,889
I DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYBODY.
480
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:16,194
I'VE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE FOR
YEARS AND NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
481
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,380
COME ON, YOU CAN LINE IT UP.
482
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:18,460
NO. STEADY.
483
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:19,883
NOW!
484
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:22,920
OH! OH!
485
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:24,433
YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE, JUNIOR.
486
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:25,634
I DIDN'T DO IT, DAD.
487
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:26,801
YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE, JUNIOR.
488
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:28,470
I DIDN'T MEAN TO
HIT HIM IN THE BALLS.
489
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:29,593
You little fat fucker.
490
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:30,961
ALL RIGHT, WHO'LL BE NEXT?
491
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,262
COME ON! A PERSONAL CHECK?
492
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:33,864
YES, WE TAKE PERSONAL CHECKS.
493
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,999
I'LL NEED TWO PIECES OF
IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE.
494
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,502
OH, LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS!
495
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,672
STATE FAIR ARCHERY
CHAMPION 1987!
496
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:45,142
OOH! YAY!
497
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,888
WELL, IF ANYONE CAN HIT
HIM, I GUESS HE CAN, HUH?
498
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,779
GO GET HIM, SIR, AND
GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
499
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,473
SWEET DREAMS, ULRIC!
500
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:22,512
HE'S DEAD!
501
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:27,417
SO WHAT DO I WIN?
502
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:33,423
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THE LOVELY CORALEE.
503
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:34,425
CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.
504
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:37,094
AWESOME! OH, YEAH!
505
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:39,830
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR IT?
506
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,169
I NEED SOMEONE TO
HELP ME MOVE THE BODY.
507
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,815
I'M SORRY, BUT
YOU CAN'T MOVE HIM.
508
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:50,974
I HAVE A SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT
WITH THE DECEASED.
509
00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:52,320
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
510
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:55,412
HE TOLD ME TO GIVE YOU THIS
511
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:58,949
IF THERE WAS ANY OBJECTION.
512
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:01,318
HOLY SHIT.
513
00:22:01,387 --> 00:22:02,964
THIS IS MORE MONEY
THAN I MAKE IN A YEAR.
514
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,087
YOU'RE WELCOME.
515
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,167
CAN I HELP MOVE THE BODY?
516
00:22:05,191 --> 00:22:06,191
YEAH.
517
00:22:09,095 --> 00:22:11,295
YOU MADE THE FRONT PAGE!
518
00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,398
SHITTY PICTURE.
519
00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:15,844
HOW YOU FEELING, HONEY?
520
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:18,202
BABY, THIS DYING SHIT'S
TAKING YEARS OFF MY LIFE.
521
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:19,270
OH, POOR BABY.
522
00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:22,039
I'LL GET IT. WHO IS IT?
523
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:24,920
GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND.
524
00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:27,089
HERE WE GO. 80% OF
THE BOX OFFICE TAKE,
525
00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,157
PAYOLA FROM HBO,
526
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,857
AND SOME SIDE BET MONEY, TOO.
527
00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:31,815
YOU KNOW, ULRIC BUBBY,
528
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:32,816
ON A MORE PERSONAL NOTE,
529
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:34,596
I WANT YOU TO
SINCERELY KNOW HOW...
530
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:35,786
HOW MUCH I...
531
00:22:37,823 --> 00:22:38,823
60 GRAND.
532
00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,593
REMEMBER MI CARNY ES SU CARNY.
533
00:22:42,628 --> 00:22:45,195
60,000. CORALEE, BABY.
534
00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:46,264
YEAH?
535
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:48,265
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE TAKE A VACATION?
536
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,701
GO TO VEGAS, CATCH
WAYNE NEWTON'S ACT,
537
00:22:50,770 --> 00:22:51,802
HOP OVER TO THE BAHAMAS,
538
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,737
AND THEN WE'LL
SKIP OVER TO PARIS.
539
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:55,172
DID I TELL YOU?
540
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:57,507
POLANSKI WANTS TO
FILM MY LIFE STORY.
541
00:22:57,576 --> 00:22:58,509
ALL OF 'EM.
542
00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:03,246
YEAH? THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL!
543
00:23:03,315 --> 00:23:05,749
BUT I HAVE AN EVEN BETTER IDEA.
544
00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:08,552
I'LL GO ON VACATION...
545
00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,153
AND YOU...
546
00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:13,457
CAN STAY HERE!
547
00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:15,303
STAY HERE! STAY HERE!
548
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:16,327
ECCH!
549
00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:28,439
UH, SORRY. UH...
550
00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:30,974
UM, I'VE GOT TO GO NOW.
551
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,220
NO HARD FEELINGS, HOWEVER, OK?
552
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,044
'CAUSE, UM...
553
00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:35,045
JUST, YOU KNOW,
554
00:23:35,114 --> 00:23:37,814
ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR, UM...
555
00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:39,316
OH, BYE, MR. FRIENDLY...
556
00:23:39,384 --> 00:23:40,717
THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.
557
00:23:40,787 --> 00:23:43,253
YES! LOOK OUT, VANNA.
558
00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:50,460
GRRR!
559
00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:53,564
THAT BITCH DOUBLE-CROSSED ME.
560
00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:55,533
SHE KILLED ME AND TOOK THE MONEY
561
00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:57,701
THAT I DIED FOR.
562
00:23:57,770 --> 00:24:00,438
WELL, I STILL HAVE
ONE LIFE LEFT.
563
00:24:00,506 --> 00:24:03,874
AND THIS LIFE IS GOING
TO PAY ME PLENTY.
564
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,342
YOU WANT WHAT?
565
00:24:05,410 --> 00:24:06,810
I WANT EVERYTHING.
566
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,799
ALL OF THE PROFITS, 100%.
567
00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:11,381
100%? BUT THAT'LL LEAVE ME
WITH PRACTICALLY NOTHING.
568
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,128
LOOK, ASSHOLE,
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
569
00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:14,363
WHAT A SHITHOUSE THIS PLACE WAS
570
00:24:14,387 --> 00:24:15,463
BEFORE I SHOWED UP?
571
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:17,032
BESIDES, I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK
572
00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:17,988
WHAT WILL THE AUDIENCE DO
573
00:24:18,057 --> 00:24:18,988
WHEN THEIR STAR ATTRACTION
574
00:24:19,057 --> 00:24:19,990
PULLS A NO-SHOW.
575
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:21,491
THAT'S BLACKMAIL.
576
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,060
THAT'S RIGHT.
577
00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:25,529
ALL RIGHT.
578
00:24:25,598 --> 00:24:26,997
ALL RIGHT, WHAT?
579
00:24:27,066 --> 00:24:29,599
ALL RIGHT, 100%.
580
00:24:31,003 --> 00:24:34,538
MAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOURSELF.
581
00:24:34,606 --> 00:24:36,339
I DON'T.
582
00:24:40,846 --> 00:24:42,946
THAT SUCKER.
583
00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:44,726
IF I WANTED, I COULD
HAVE GOT A SHARE
584
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:47,550
FROM HIS CORN DOG CONCESSIONS.
585
00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:49,887
HA HA HA HA!
586
00:24:49,956 --> 00:24:51,554
BY THE OLD CLOCK ON MY WRIST,
587
00:24:51,623 --> 00:24:53,457
IT SEEMS THAT HIS
HOUR HAS APPROACHED.
588
00:24:53,526 --> 00:24:55,292
COME ON, BOYS.
THE TIME HAS COME.
589
00:24:55,361 --> 00:24:58,628
LOWER HIM DOWN. THERE WE GO.
590
00:24:58,698 --> 00:25:00,241
HEY, LISTEN, ULRIC,
WHEN YOU GET TO HELL,
591
00:25:00,265 --> 00:25:01,343
DON'T FORGET TO WRITE. HA HA HA!
592
00:25:01,367 --> 00:25:05,469
HEY, HERE'S MUD IN
YOUR EYE. HA HA HA!
593
00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:08,471
Ulric: ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL A
LITTLE BAD ABOUT THE DOC,
594
00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:10,307
EH, BUT, WHAT THE HAY?
595
00:25:10,376 --> 00:25:12,442
I'M ALREADY SET FOR LIFE.
596
00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:15,612
AND ALL BECAUSE OF
THAT POOR LITTLE KITTY.
597
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:20,117
POOR DEAD LITTLE KITTY.
598
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:21,518
TOO BAD HE HAD TO DIE...
599
00:25:24,322 --> 00:25:26,523
WAIT A MINUTE.
600
00:25:26,591 --> 00:25:29,926
THAT CAT... IT DIED.
601
00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:33,964
IF IT ALREADY DIED ONCE...
602
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:37,461
IT ONLY HAD EIGHT LIVES LEFT.
603
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:41,371
OH, MY GOD!
604
00:25:42,474 --> 00:25:44,408
I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES.
605
00:25:44,477 --> 00:25:47,711
HEY! HEY, SOMEBODY!
606
00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:49,613
WELL, HE OUGHT TO BE
607
00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:51,526
ABOUT OUT OF AIR BY NOW.
608
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,749
ARE YOU KIDDING?
609
00:25:52,818 --> 00:25:55,018
GORLOFF, IT'S ALL A FAKE.
610
00:25:55,087 --> 00:25:56,130
YEAH, YOU THINK SO?
611
00:25:56,154 --> 00:25:57,194
OF COURSE. YOU DON'T THINK
612
00:25:57,256 --> 00:25:58,834
THEY'D REALLY LET
SOMEONE DIE DOWN THERE?
613
00:25:58,858 --> 00:26:00,423
SOMEBODY WAIT!
614
00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:02,459
I DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES!
615
00:26:09,368 --> 00:26:11,313
DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING, AL?
616
00:26:11,337 --> 00:26:13,704
NAAH. PROBABLY JUST A CAT.
617
00:26:13,772 --> 00:26:15,672
YEAH... RIGHT.
618
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:17,774
JUST A CAT.
619
00:26:23,782 --> 00:26:27,350
SOMEBODY! I DON'T
HAVE NINE LIVES!
620
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,019
SOMEBODY!
621
00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:32,355
LET ME OUT!
622
00:26:46,571 --> 00:26:48,605
THERE, THERE.
623
00:26:48,673 --> 00:26:52,175
NICE KITTY.
624
00:26:52,244 --> 00:26:53,276
GET!
625
00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:56,279
HA HA HA!
626
00:26:57,949 --> 00:27:03,387
HOPE YOU ENJOYED OUR
LITTLE BEDTIME STORY, KIDS!
627
00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:09,893
ALAS, POOR ULRIC, MISSED A BET,
628
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:13,397
THOUGH DYING FOR
DOLLARS COULD HAVE BEEN
629
00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:15,766
A POPULAR GAME SHOW.
630
00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:17,901
THEY COULD HAVE
PUT IT IN BETWEEN
631
00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:22,906
WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE
AND THE NEWLY DEAD GAME!
632
00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:24,908
HA HA!
633
00:27:24,976 --> 00:27:28,144
UNLESS THEY BURIED IT
IN THE WRONG TIME SLOT.
634
00:27:28,213 --> 00:27:31,748
HA HA HA!41890
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