Original subtitles

You can learn everything you need to know about ovulation, time, and fertile

dates, and all the scientific stuff.

But when it comes right down to it, good old -fashioned lovemaking is the way

that most babies are made.

Thanks. Babe, you didn't get it. You fell asleep.

Sorry.

So easy.

John?

Honey.

John.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Hey. When I get home tonight, I want to have that baby talk again.

What?

Honey, we've been through this, okay? I know, but it's really important to me,

okay? Kids were always part of our plan.

I know.

I know. I know.

Sunday is our anniversary.

You should take advantage of that.

Okay. Okay.

I gotta go.

You sure?

Yeah. Okay. Love you. Love you. Always.

Hello, sweetheart.

Happy early anniversary.

Hi, Mom. You sound great. How's Dad?

Oh, he's fine.

You and John are excited about this weekend?

We are.

When your father and I were younger, we didn't have much money, so he made me

breakfast in bed every morning for a week, right up until the main event.

what John did this morning. He made me pancakes and with maple syrup.

He's so sweet.

So, uh, are we going to be grandparents anytime soon?

We are. We're talking about it again, Mom.

Oh, honey, talking doesn't make babies.

Yes, I do know that, Mom. I know how babies are made.

It's going to happen sooner or later.

Hey, Mom, I got to go. I got to watch the road.

Okay, honey. I'll call you over the weekend. Be safe.

Okay, I will. Thanks. Love you.

Love you, too.

How do you maintain that feverish exhilaration?

Isn't it obvious? I'm pregnant.

Oh, are you?

I'm so excited about my baby shower next week.

Thank you so much for hosting it for me. It is going to be incredibly beautiful,

I promise.

Can't wait.

So, what do you got?

Here's some themes for today's show. Are you okay with these?

Yeah, they look fine.

Well then, let's go save the world, one couple at a time.

Good morning, Sam.

Got a minute?

Sure.

Aw, I love this one.

What can I do for you, Dave?

Are you planning on having children in the near future?

I know there's a lot of young mothers out there that could really use your

From first -hand experience, of course.

Many of our callers are parenting couples.

Yeah. Well, the more the better.

It's a huge market share. I just got out of a meeting with our advertising

department, and, you know, the show's ratings are holding steady at that

but... We're adding market steadily.

Your point?

There's always room for improvement.

It's all about the revenue.

Is it?

Yeah.

Are we done?

Sure. Maybe now's a bad time.

Okay. Well, you think about what I said, and we'll talk about it another day.

Ciao.

Hi, Jenna.

How are you?

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm here to see Samantha.

And you are?

John, her husband.

Oh, that's right. You're that actor.

I'll let her know you're here.

Okay, great.

Mrs. Gray, there's a man here to see you.

Awesome.

She's on her way.

Hey.

Hey. Oh, what a surprise.

Hi.

Is everything all right?

Yeah. Yeah, no, I just thought I'd stop by if you want to maybe go to an early

lunch. Oh, honey, no, I can't. We are preparing for airtime. I'm sorry.

Right. No, it's fine. I should have called.

Um.

What is it? I'm excited for tonight. We'll have our talk over dinner.

Yep. Yeah.

Um, and promo.

Okay. Okay. You sure everything's all right?

Yeah, I'm good. Okay. I'm good.

Okay. Okay.

All right.

Oh, hey, John, will you pick up my dry cleaning on your way home?

Yeah. Okay. Sure. Why? I got nothing else to do.

Good to see you again.

Yeah, can I talk to Vince?

Yeah. Yes, John Gray.

Uh -huh.

Can I have a black coffee?

Yeah. Well, listen, I've been leaving him messages for weeks.

Can I have a little ice?

Yeah.

You know what? Tell him his silence is deafening, okay?

Yeah.

You want to take a message?

You know what? No, don't take a message.

I'm coming down there, all right?

Yeah, I'll see you guys in a minute. Thank you.

Okay, so what about the web series thing?

Ooh, the producers loved you on that show.

Well, good. That's great.

But not for that show.

What are you talking about? You just said that they love me.

They do, John. They just thought you were incapable of dumbing down the

character. Vince, I'm an actor, okay?

I take what's on the page. I bring it to life. That's my job.

Look, I don't make decisions, John. That's just what they said.

I need to work, all right? I... All right, look, man. I'll make some calls,

I'll find you something, okay?

Yeah. You said that six months ago.

Everybody goes through this, John.

You know it's a tough business, man.

Yeah.

Take care.

Welcome back. We still have our last caller on the line, but we are running

of time.

May I?

It's cliche, but I'm not getting any younger. The reason you have children is

they can take care of you when you're elderly. It's like breeding your own

caregiver.

That seems like a selfish reason to have a child.

I'm just planning ahead.

Unfortunately, we are out of time today.

I'd like to thank all of our callers and listeners.

Join us tomorrow as we talk about couples in their 30s and 40s having

every father's responsibility.

I'm Dr.

Sam, addressing what most affects your life with straight talk and answers.

Until next time, have a cozy weekend.

Breeding your own caregiver?

Who let that last caller through?

She sounded sane when I was vetting her.

Oh, okay.

Go, Philistrati.

Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments.

Awake the pert and nimble spirit of the earth.

Turn melancholic forth to funes.

The pale companion is not horrible.

Yeah.

Well done. Brilliant.

Thank you.

I gotta say, it feels amazing.

Thank you again, you know, for letting me do that. Oh, Sean, anytime.

This is your home, too.

All right. I'll see you in there.

Any special plans for your anniversary? Oh, I'm hoping we don't leave the house.

I'm ovulating.

Baby plans? I didn't know.

It's been in the cards a long time.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Interesting show this afternoon.

Here you are. Thank you. Excuse me.

I'm so happy for you both. Thank you. Can't wait to hear about the Deaton

Right there.

Right there.

Dude, you don't look so good.

Thank you.

I slept on the couch last night.

Something new?

It's a little dance we do. You know, I snore, she nudges, she can't sleep, so I

go on the couch.

Gosh, she wants to have the baby talk again tonight.

You've reached the having a baby crisis.

Don't worry, that's just the natural progression. Whoa, where's that written?

No, no, no.

Pushing the issue with the unnatural progression.

Let's be honest. My career, it's in the tank right now. I'm not ready to have

this talk again.

It's hard watching my married friends lose their manhood one by one. Case in

point. We go from the living room to the kitchen. And now we play cards in your

garage.

Hey, I like my garage. And it's attached. So, relax.

How many do you need?

Uh, two.

One.

I'll take two.

Did you make any plans this weekend for the anniversary?

No. No.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, you didn't forget, at least.

Right? No, no, he should pretend that he did. Oh, it's every man's safety net.

What?

Dude, that has literally never worked for me. You love her too much.

If you want to regain your manhood, you need to change her perception.

I love her too much. That easy?

That's idiotic.

I'm only trying to help here.

Just ponder that while you're snoring on the couch tonight.

Will you shut up?

Well, just tell her the truth.

Tell her you don't want kids.

Done deal.

No, I do. I want kids.

You know, someday.

I thought I'd have a series by now or something. You know, some stability,

Like I said, change her perception.

We know where you stand on this.

I mean, I can't even afford an anniversary right now. She knows that.

Just get her something sentimental.

I wouldn't do anything.

Look, I'll loan you a couple of bucks. You can get her an inexpensive necklace.

I fold.

Hey.

They're gone.

I got your favorite.

What is this?

You want to open a bottle of wine?

Mm -hmm.

You know, I've been by the acting studio today.

It's been a while.

Did you sit in?

Yeah.

I did. I did.

Yeah. Just for, you know, a little bit.

I don't know. I lose myself in that place, you know?

You know...

I was thinking, let's just take it easy this weekend.

Maybe I'll pack us a picnic basket. We can go to one of those wineries.

I thought you wanted to... Yeah, no, let's not talk tonight.

Let's just enjoy an evening together.

Well, that sounds great.

Cheers to a beautiful weekend.

Cheers.

Looks good, huh? Mm -hmm.

Hey, honey?

I gotta run a quick errand, all right? I'll be right back.

Can't it wait?

Hello?

Where have you been?

What is that?

A puppy.

I got us a puppy.

That could have waited.

Look at this little thing. Look how precious it is. John, John, we were

to take a drive to the vineyard. Now we have to stay home and take care of a

puppy?

You will go to any length to avoid this conversation, won't you? Whoa, whoa,

time out. No, no. I thought, you know, this is a romantic...

thoughtful gesture.

No, a picnic is romantic. A puppy is responsibility.

Well, so is a baby, Samantha.

Yeah, John, yeah. A baby is responsibility.

It's also a decision that two people make together.

You don't just show up at the door with a baby under your arm and say, hey,

honey, look what I got you for our anniversary.

Okay, calm down. I think you are totally overreacting on this, okay?

Samantha, I thought you would see this as me, you know, taking responsibility

for something other than myself.

No, I see this as a passive -aggressive move to quell my motherly instinct.

Wait a minute. Wait a second.

Stop. Hey, there's lunch in that picnic basket for two. You and the puppy enjoy.

I'm going for a drive.

Samantha, are you serious?

Wonderful, ladies. Good extensions all the way to the horizon.

Soft gaze.

You're looking wonderful.

All right.

We know the next position.

Soft gaze. And remember, bent knees are beautiful.

Hey, come on. Let's talk.

Well, you can't convince him to have a baby. He's broken.

Well, actually, we're all broken.

Namaste, doctor.

Save the shtick for the radio folk.

All right, now, hands to your heart.

Breathe and chair pose.

You have a successful career, so now you think a baby is going to be the little

bow on top of your perfect life.

You know, John is the actor, but you are the dramatic one.

You should know by now that life is not a Norman Brockwell painting.

He made an effort. He did bring you a puppy.

I can't. Okay.

You know, I really miss that happy -go -lucky you.

You know I hate that statement. It implies a lack of substance.

All right.

You're in a sensitive place right now. I get it.

I feel like I can help everyone else with their...

and I can't handle my own.

Don't you have any spiritual uplifting words for me?

Life is a series of sequences that don't always fit together perfectly.

Every now and then you have to smooth over the rough edges so the pieces fit

again.

Did you memorize that from a book?

Yes.

How about a marriage counselor?

I did think of that.

Hey, you know... It's fine.

She helped Brad and I.

You and Brad had problems?

Well, it was a long time ago.

He was hard to trade.

She's great, though.

Now, come on.

Take off your wedgies.

Jake!

Jake!

Hey, buddy.

It backfired. What are you talking about? I bought her a puppy, okay? I

it would be, you know, a two -for -one deal.

What? The anniversary, her ticking clock.

Not a good idea. You should have rung this by me first. I am your attorney.

I know you're my attorney, and you told me to change her perspective, so...

That's what I did. I thought it was a good idea.

A woman taking clock is a primal urge. You need a little more than some cute

little puppy.

I knew I shouldn't have listened to you. Yes, you should.

I see what I'm dealing with here.

We're getting a drink.

Okay. Can I get my keys?

I know you were just trying to help, okay? You've been that way since you

kid, so thank you.

Comrades for life, baby. Yes, sir.

Okay,

but listen, let's be honest with me. Out of all of our friends, you are the last

man standing.

Best man standing.

Okay. Why haven't you settled down?

Just not in my DNA.

Okay, but let's be honest here, really. We're both on the wrong side of 30,

okay? Debate.

I mean, do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life?

Well, there are two of my future ex -girlfriends right behind you.

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Do you really

to do this?

This for the rest of your life?

All right.

Do you remember our gorgeous seventh grade French teacher, Miss Cluj?

Oh, yeah, of course. Like I forget.

What did she always get to make us say at the end of class? Au revoir,

mademoiselle Cluj.

Yeah, that's where it all came together for me. Gentlemen, you ready for another

one? Yeah, sure.

He's paying.

No, he's paying. Someone's paying.

All right, enjoy.

I'd look forward to when she'd walk down the aisle to check our schoolwork.

Perfume, that long, beautiful hair, and that accent. Dear God, that accent. Wow,

there was some real emotion there.

You never told me that.

We had her class right before lunch. Why do you think I always had my hands

stuffed in my front pockets while we were waiting in the lunch line?

It wasn't to protect my lunch money. Ew.

Uh -huh.

No.

You know, Samantha's always been Samantha.

Driven, quirky, outspoken, centric.

She's wanted a baby as long as I've known her.

What's changed with you?

I want to be ready, you know?

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Hello.

You were five minutes late.

Oh. You're ten minutes late. What? That's terrible.

Yeah.

Aren't you?

Oh, Samantha.

Samantha!

Samantha, are you serious? You changed the locks?

What?

Over a puppy?

It's not about the puppy.

Oh, come on. You are overreacting, okay?

Really? Where were you?

I was with Jake.

I was with Jake, okay? And I was thinking about you.

John, I called you. I heard female voices on the other line.

Honey, honey, no, no, I can't explain that, all right?

I can't let you in.

What? Are you kidding me? I'm locked out of my house.

Samantha, call Kiki, all right?

She's getting ready to go over there right now. It doesn't look good for you,

buddy. If I let you in, Kiki's going to have me sleeping in the doghouse.

Brad, are you serious?

I can't. I can't.

And you can call me tomorrow.

Let me talk to Kiki, all right? I'll explain.

You don't get it.

I have literally slept in our dog's house.

Our dog's house.

John.

Okay.

Great.

Yeah, this is what I did.

What is that?

Kombucha tea.

It's good for the soul.

It's horrible.

So have you named him yet?

No. Ooh, you should name him Killer and teach him to growl every time he smells

John's scent.

I

cannot

talk to my mom right now. Don't.

I can't believe tomorrow is my anniversary.

What is happening?

All men need a wake -up call from time to time.

It's the marital shock therapy of modern day.

I changed to the lock.

Is that a little bit too much?

All right, let's stand up.

Hands to your heart.

Breathe. And chair pose.

Come on, let's go.

Not right now, no.

Where do you think he is? You shouldn't be thinking about that.

I hope he knows I was just trying to make a point. I mean, I... Maybe I

call him. No.

If you do that, he won't learn anything.

Are you sure it was women's voices you heard?

Yeah. Yeah. Loud music. He was definitely at a bar.

Yeah.

Make it sweat it out for an extra week.

At least.

Thanks for staying with me.

Of course.

Oh, and don't answer the phone if he tries calling.

Hey, I have an idea.

Brad and I are going horseback riding this afternoon. Why don't you come with

us? I think it'd do you some good.

Uh, honestly, I don't know if I'm in the mood considering that.

Oh, yeah. Well, just... Give it some thought, okay?

Okay.

Love you.

Love you. It's going to be okay.

Everything's going to work out.

If you want to talk, I'll listen.

Happy anniversary.

I'm sorry, okay? I know what you must have thought.

I know you were with some girls.

That was Jake, okay?

I wasn't even paying attention to him, baby. I promise.

I mean, I was thinking about you.

I called you back as soon as I saw that you called me.

I trust you. It's just all of this is happening because you are avoiding a

conversation that we need to have sooner rather than later.

I know. I just, I don't, I don't understand what the rush is. You know,

both so young.

It's our second wedding anniversary.

I'm 34.

My biological clock is ticking, and I'm... What?

I'm worried.

I'm really worried that we won't be able to have a baby.

I just wish both of our careers were, you know, more successful.

It's not about the money.

We're doing fine.

No, no, you're doing fine.

You're great.

I'm...

A rut.

It's not a rut.

It's just an ebb and flow.

The timing of it all, you know, I... I just feel like you have one thing on

mind. Having a baby.

And that's all you're focused on.

No.

I'm focused on us.

It just doesn't always feel that way.

Maybe we should talk to someone.

What, like a therapist?

Like a marriage counselor.

Honey, honey, you're a doctor of psychology.

I know I am, but I still think a third -party perspective would benefit us

That's all I guess.

Close enough.

Wow.

You're on fire today.

Thank you.

So, how was it?

Did you stay in all weekend?

Well, John got me a puppy. I got mad. He got drunk with a friend. I changed the

box and he slept in his car.

And now we're going to see a marriage counselor this afternoon.

Well, the marriage counselor part of that is good then, right?

I think so.

Oh, your baby shower is going to be the best shower you have ever seen.

Thank you.

Well, looks like we're back.

All right.

Let's keep it going.

And welcome back to the show.

We are going to end our show with a first -time caller.

Let's welcome Pierre to the show.

Pierre, you're on the air.

Bonjour, mon chéri.

Thank you for accepting my call.

Pierre, you sound French. We don't get many European callers here in

Albuquerque.

Oui, oui, I understand.

I was hoping that perhaps you may be able to guide me through a difficult

time in my relationship.

Of course, that is why I'm here.

It is my wife.

I love her.

With all of my heart, but sometimes I don't feel the same kind of love from

And why do you feel that?

I'm not sure.

Well, the recognition of unconditional love is at the cornerstone of every

relationship. It is important to remember that.

How does one identify that?

It's... Hard work, it is not easy.

It sounds like you're having trouble identifying your role in your

It's not uncommon.

What is your wife's career?

She's in the business of healing.

That's wonderful.

Oui, oui, yes, she's very small, very small.

Her perception of love and tolerance, it's almost regimental.

Pierre, this is all we have time for today. I would love to continue this

tomorrow. Would that be okay?

Certainly.

I can't wait.

That is all we have time for today.

I'm Dr. Sam.

Until next time, bye -bye.

That was an interesting call.

Who doesn't love a French accent?

I have a feeling there is something more under the surface with this caller. I

hope he really does call back.

Your decision to take this first step is the beginning of the healing process

for many. So with that said, congratulations.

Thank you.

Do you ask true or false questions?

This is a process.

We may discuss an array of issues over many sessions before we arrive at the

root of what's causing marital conflict.

Um, I don't know where to begin.

I understand it was your second wedding anniversary yesterday?

Yes, it was.

And it was not what I expected.

I'll take responsibility for that.

Tell me, John, what does Samantha mean?

Okay. I got her a puppy.

We should name him, by the way.

She wants a baby.

Okay? And I got her a puppy.

A puppy is not a substitute for a child.

That's what I really want for us. And we were supposed to go on this romantic

picnic.

And instead, he came home with the puppy.

Samantha, how am I supposed to take care of a baby when I can barely help take

care of us? You don't have to help take care of us. We take care of us.

This is good. We're wasting no time here.

John, do you desire to feel the burden of responsibility?

I think we're touching on self -esteem issues here.

Self -esteem issues?

Yeah. You know what? Wow.

I can actually, this room, it just, it really brings the emotions out. I can

feel it.

Most arrive at this phase at about the same time, their second anniversary.

A colleague just published research on this phenomena.

Couples who have not resolved their major differences, such as having a

within those crucial early years, face a greater risk of failure.

Yes, I did just read about this.

Okay, that sounds a little ridiculous to me.

John,

it is my natural urge.

To have a child.

Okay, well, it is my natural urge to discuss it and plan

for it. That's my natural instinct.

Hey.

Babe, come on. She can't be right about everything.

She is a professional therapist.

Look, I love you, but I am exhausted, and I need to get a good night's sleep.

Do you think you could sleep on the couch again tonight?

What?

Yeah,

sure.

Please take care of him.

This is all your fault.

You know that.

We're both in the doghouse.

Hey.

You look happy.

I was just thinking we should travel to France someday, drive along the

countryside, visit all the wineries.

That would be so romantic.

Yeah, yeah, I would love that. Learn the culture, the language.

OK.

Are you OK?

Yeah, just . Finally got some sleep last night.

Oh, I'm late. Okay, I gotta go.

Okay. Oh, reminder, Phoebe's baby shower is this Saturday, so I could really use

your help with that. I will be there.

Okay.

Love you. Love you.

Bye. Bye.

Hello. You John Gray?

Maybe. Mind taking this off my hands?

Yeah. It's heavy.

What is this?

Sign on the line, please.

What is it with you guys? You're always in a hurry. Is that like a job

requirement?

Okay. Thank you.

Have a great day, sunshine.

What?

What is this?

Okay.

Dude, you're going to be a dad.

Oh, no.

A birth partner.

You think mommy's trying to tell me something?

Huh?

Congratulations.

Our French caller, Pierre, has generated the biggest buzz from our listeners

than any other caller in our show's history.

Wow, that's wonderful.

I guess he really struck a chord with our listeners.

Hey,

is there anyone else you want to invite to your baby shower?

Preferably friends with kids, infants, toddlers.

I don't have that many friends in Albuquerque.

Acquaintances are fine.

I was thinking of a more intimate baby shower, something small and quiet.

Keep it simple.

You know what?

You're right. This is your shower.

What about your husband's friends?

All right, Eddie. See you tomorrow.

Well, hello, sweetheart.

Have a seat.

Oh, okay. Hi, I'm John.

Okay. Not often a cutie like you walks in here.

Uh, yeah. You know, I just wanted to see what kind of job you had to offer. You

know, what they might pay.

Well, that depends on your skill set, sweetie.

Have we met before? You look familiar to me.

No, I don't think so.

I mean, you know, I never forget beautiful things.

Oh, wide shot now. Okay.

So tell me, handsome, what are some of your job skills?

Job skills.

I was an actor, you know, mainly in college, stuff like that.

Well, this isn't central casting, so I can't help you there.

Let's see.

Here's something perfect for an actor. Have you ever waited tables before?

No. No, no, I don't have the patience for that.

I thought you were an actor.

Okay, scrap that. How about construction?

I'm more of a, you know, hang a shelf, birdhouse kind of guy. Probably

be building someone's house.

Okay, so you're a challenge.

Can you drive?

And don't tell me your feet are broken, neither.

Yes. No.

Driving, I can do.

Okay, well, you don't need me then, sweetie.

Call these guys.

Well, not all people have the strength and fortitude to stay committed in the

tough times of their relationships.

It is time for a quick commercial break. We will be right back.

Do you think Pierre will call in? I hope so.

Well, our listeners are hoping so. They're calling in from everywhere,

to know more about our mysterious Frenchman.

It's him on line one.

Is it really? Okay, get him on, quickly. Gotcha.

Welcome back to the show, everyone. If you recall, yesterday we welcomed a

-time caller, Pierre, to the show.

We didn't get a chance to finish our candid conversation, yet the response

our listeners has been overwhelming.

Back on the line with us is Pierre. Welcome back to the show, Pierre.

Merci beaucoup. Thank you.

Your previous call has been on all of our minds here at the studio and also

listeners back at home. And we are all dying to know, how are you doing right

now?

I wish I could tell you I was better, but I cannot.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Unfortunately, I have begun to believe that maybe we have reached the beginning

of the end.

Is that really what you want?

Maybe it's for the best.

Sometimes you can love enough to say goodbye.

If you truly love someone...

You never give up on them, no matter what the circumstances.

It seems like you've already decided to give up.

Well, levels can change and go right back.

People do change, but love is love. The capacity to love never changes.

Pierre?

I think I will ask for a divorce.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

I should have asked you this before.

Is your wife also French, or is she American?

She's American.

Any children?

No,

no, none. She desires children, but I am not ready, which is my biggest impasse.

Why?

My question, not easy to answer.

There is something that is not adding up here.

What are you keeping secret?

I answer your questions honestly.

I speak from the heart.

Always.

Pierre, it is time for us to take a commercial break. We will keep you on

for a few minutes. Is that okay?

Oui, oui.

Can you believe it?

There is something about him. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Good or bad?

I don't know.

Well, our phone lines are blowing up with callers. This guy's dynamite.

Everyone has something to say about our Frenchman.

We lost him.

He hung up.

What's going on? You sounded a little upset on the phone.

Recently, I had this caller on the show.

A French guy.

Ooh la la, everyone loves a French accent.

It's not just his accent.

It's his choice of words, his tone of voice.

I think he's really hurting.

Pierre. Pierre?

So he has a name?

You've never said that about a caller before.

There's just this sense of familiarity about him.

Don't do anything you're going to regret.

You know me better than that.

I do have something I have to admit.

I've been daydreaming about him. I don't know how he looks. I don't know

anything about him. And you need to keep it that way.

I'm smart enough to know what this is about.

This is about John.

I just wish that he viewed our marriage like this collar views his.

You need to get that resolved with John.

I mean, I know I'm a little bit hard on him, but you two really are meant for

each other.

You're both just a little off right now.

Hey. Hey.

What is that?

I am going to cook us something special for dinner tonight.

Chicken cordon bleu.

You still have France on your mind.

And I got this little number.

What do you think about this for dessert?

You know what? I just remembered. I left my script at Jake's.

What script?

Oh, that's right. I never even told you about that. I have a producer's call

back tomorrow.

Bane, that's odd.

I know, yeah.

So I'm going to go. I should probably go get it.

Okay. Can it wait until after dinner and dinner?

Yeah. Well, I should probably rehearse after dinner. So let me just go get it.

I'll be right back.

John.

Want another beer?

No, I'm fine.

Look, you can't keep hiding from her. I'm not hiding.

I'm... I'm waiting.

So, a French teddy.

Mm -hmm. God, that's extremely sexy.

I know.

And so what? She's into things French.

Look, all I'm saying is you can't keep this up much longer.

Lay your cards on the table and tell her. Kids are out of the question for

now.

There's more to it than that.

Like what?

Nothing. Nothing. My imagination.

Maybe you should just give in.

Start learning nursery rhymes.

Ugh. Mm -hmm.

Dave wants to talk to us. Both of us?

What does he want to complain about now?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

It's Dave.

Good morning, ladies.

Good morning.

We need to talk about the show's trajectory.

The new demographics, to be more precise.

Didn't we already cover this?

Well, you know how those corporate folks and research groups are.

Aren't you one of those corporate folks?

Oh, can we get to the point?

You know, corporate feels that we are neglecting the teen market.

We're nearly 30 % below in the percentile there. I'm sorry, teen

I thought they wanted more listeners of children. Which is it?

Don't shoot the messenger.

Teens are not part of our demographic. We established that since day one.

You know, your contract negotiations are coming up in a couple of weeks.

We'd love it if you could be on board with us at that time. That sounds like a

threat. We don't need a focus group determining the format of our show every

week.

Think about what I just said.

No need.

That is a knee -jerk reaction.

But I'm sure we'll all be in agreement before our negotiations start.

Strong -arming.

That's not fair.

Aw.

Haven't you heard?

Life's not fair, honey.

Ciao.

That man is gonna send me into labor.

Early.

I told you it was going to be the best baby shower you have ever seen. I don't

know most of these people.

Oh, who cares? They all brought gifts.

Wow. I must say, I'm impressed.

Congratulations. Thank you.

So do you think you could have been a little more subtle? I know what you're

doing. I do too. I'm throwing a baby shower.

You're a doctor of psychology.

You're the dear Abby of modern times, but when it comes to your own

relationship, you're a mess. I don't know what you're talking about.

Inviting all these kids here is not going to help.

You're scaring John off.

I mean, even I'd scream foul. Wait, John, where did he go? He wasn't picking

his phone. I thought he was supposed to help you. Oh, hi.

Hey. Oh, hey.

Where have you been?

Black car surgery.

I'm sorry.

Okay. Well, you said you were going to help. Yeah, I know what I said.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Just go upstairs, please.

You know what? Maybe I should have never showed up in the first place, huh?

I just wanted to see if you were okay.

I'm sorry about earlier.

It was an accident.

I honestly don't think that you care.

Well, I could say the same thing.

You know, when I first met you, I almost forgot to breathe.

It's like inner pandemonium and perpetual bliss at the same time.

And now I... I don't even know how I feel anymore.

What is that supposed to mean?

Hey, Vince.

You decided to call me on a Sunday. I hope this is good news.

Yeah, sorry about that.

How you holding up?

Well, I need work.

Okay, look, John.

I gotta drop him from the roster, man.

What? You're dropping me?

Hey, it's not me, okay, buddy? It's the agency. They're telling me I need to

drop all my dead weight around here.

You understand, right?

Oh. Oh, I'm dead weight.

That's what I am? I'm dead weight?

No, Vince. I don't understand, okay?

Do you understand this?

John. Hello.

It's Pierre. He's on line one.

Great. Keep him on the line. I'll bring him on air after the intro.

He doesn't want to go live.

He wants to speak with you privately.

Here? I was hoping you would call.

Why can't we put you on the air?

I have a desire to speak with you without the ears of the world burdening

words.

I would like that, but I am about to go on air.

Leave me your number. I'll call you back.

Yes, I will meet you. I believe it's worth it. I want to help you.

This is strictly professional.

There is a small cafe on the corner of Rio Grande and Jackson.

What are you doing?

I heard the whole conversation.

I'm doing this because I want to help his marriage.

You realize you're tempting fate.

You never meet with a caller.

There's something resonating in his voice. I feel like I know him.

That's exactly why you shouldn't meet with him.

Thank you.

Hey. Hi.

I can't believe you're here.

Yeah, I had a lunch with a work colleague.

How about you?

I got an audition downtown.

Can you believe it?

That's great.

I'm really happy for you.

Listen,

I know this isn't the best place or time to say this, but I

can't get what you said last night out of my head.

So is, you know, is he or she late?

No, no. I'm just early.

You know me.

I sure do.

I gotta get going.

But I'll see you home.

Yeah. Good luck.

Why a French accent?

You know, au revoir, mademoiselle Cluj.

That's brilliant.

Why didn't I think of that? No, no, I took it too far.

You never have to find out.

No, that's not it, all right? It gets worse.

Okay.

All right, I asked her to meet me at a cafe as Pierre, and she agreed.

That's not good.

And then she showed up, and she looked great.

Oh, that's not good.

I know.

Sorry, buddy.

It's over.

It's as good as an affair. She went over the line. I don't even know why I

tempted her, you know?

Doesn't matter.

Intent is nine -tenths of the law.

Pierre isn't real.

I made him up.

Yes, he is.

I'm looking at him.

You know what? I need you to help me, not make fun of me.

Unbelievable.

Oh. Pierre, you're exactly as I imagined. So handsome and debonair and

Oh, hello, my beautiful flower.

Mon chéri.

Let us sip champagne and read poetry.

Oh, your accent. I love the way the words, how they come out of your mouth.

Ah!

Sick.

He didn't show up.

I was hoping he wouldn't.

I wanted to meet him. I had to know.

Know what?

What are you looking for?

I told you, I'm trying to help him.

Maybe it's better he didn't show up.

You don't seem so sure.

Nothing feels the same anymore.

Pour you one.

Oh, I'm okay.

You know when you said that you don't know how you feel about me anymore?

That really hurt.

That's not always how I feel.

I know, I just, I wouldn't.

I would never say that to you.

I don't know, maybe this marriage counselor's right. You know, maybe... If

can't agree on having a baby by now, maybe we never will.

I think we can. I think... We're eight days past

our second anniversary, so...

Maybe we're the exception.

I think we both need to figure out what's broken.

What are you saying?

I think we need some time apart.

Mom! Dad?

Your mother just drove seven hours straight.

What a wonderful surprise.

Where's the bathroom?

Still upstairs, Jill.

When did you guys get our puppy?

Oh, what's your name?

We haven't named him yet. He's a rescue.

Seven straight hours. I'm telling you, your mother's trying to kill me.

Mom, why didn't you call us and tell us that you were coming? We wanted to

surprise you both.

Your father and I needed to get out of the house.

He'll be there for half an hour. Let's talk.

Put your stuff in the guest bedroom.

Mom, I love you, but what are you really doing here?

Honey, I'm your mother. You think I don't know if something's wrong with my

girl?

Nothing's wrong.

Everything's fine.

A mother always knows.

I am telling you, you drove down for no reason.

Oh, honey.

Fine. Hey, you are all set.

I'll leave you two alone. I got to unpack.

Okay. Good night.

I don't want them to know that anything's wrong.

How long are they staying here? I don't know. I didn't even know they were

coming.

Act like everything's fine between us right now.

Yeah.

Fine. I'll play along.

How long has he been sleeping on the couch?

Oh, his snoring keeps me up at night. The cushions are molded to his body.

you are reading way too much into this. Am I? Yes. You're not the only

relationship specialist in this family.

Mom, I love you, but I have to go to work.

You still have that grill in the backyard?

Um, yeah. Why?

Your father and I want to make a barbecue this afternoon.

I'm really not up for that right now.

Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

We'll take care of everything.

Invite your friends.

You know what?

That sounds great.

Bye.

Hey,

I didn't know you guys got a puppy. What's his name? Oh, he doesn't have a

First round's ready.

This is incredible.

Thank you so much, everyone.

Mom and dad put everything together.

I got this.

A wise old man once said something that I'll never forget.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

John, Samantha, I'm glad you guys are working things out.

You are such an idiot.

What? That was heartfelt.

You never cease to amaze me. Are you two cut from the same cloth? Hey, I know

he's an idiot sometimes, but he's still my best friend, so take it easy, all

right? Hey, will you pass the cold stuff, please? So, everybody here knows.

Who cares?

All right, let's all just calm down and everybody take a breath.

Okay. Why don't you have another drink, Kiki?

Okay, Jake, you need to leave. No.

Jake, you don't need to leave.

This is my house, too, okay?

Well, someone here has to take charge, and I say he's leaving. Oh, really?

Oh, there she goes again, everybody. Dr. Sam, taking charge of the world. I've

heard enough. You know, this was your idea in the first place, putting on the

charade for your family.

I was ready to leave before they got here. Really?

Go ahead. I'd like to watch you try.

I am the only one supporting us.

John, John, I shouldn't have said that. Yeah, but you did.

You're really going to go through with this?

I'll be back tomorrow to get more of my things. I mean, if that's okay with you.

Or do you want to change the locks again?

Can we have a conversation without insulting each other?

Why do you always get to decide when we talk?

Was leaving me part of your anniversary plan?

No, not getting you pregnant was part of my anniversary plan.

I just wanted to have a family. Well, so do I, Samantha.

But what I don't need is a marriage counselor or your biological clock

the issue.

You know what? I'm never going to live up to your standards. And that's fine.

Is that John?

I don't want him parked out in front all night.

Well, maybe we should just invite him in.

No, I don't want him in the house.

Come on.

Show him the dog's house.

He can be so cold.

All right.

He can sleep on the cot in the garage.

One night.

Okay.

I'll go get him.

You shed some light on this whole thing, but you still need to man up and make

him in.

For what?

Her forcing me into fatherhood? I'm sorry, I cannot be steamrolled like

all right? Hey, I didn't mean it like that.

Brad is an amazing stay -at -home dad.

We chose what works for us, right?

Yeah. Right.

Are you just afraid of being responsible for something greater than yourself?

No. No.

Then what's the problem?

Samantha believes in you. She's been supportive with the ups and downs of

career. But you have to start looking at the situation through her eyes.

Yeah, otherwise you're just being selfish, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, selfish.

Selfish. Start acting like the husband she knows you are.

And stop running away from her.

Honey, can I come in?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Mom. I just... Didn't want to disappoint you and Dad.

You know you could have always talked to me about this.

I would never judge you.

Something I put together for your anniversary.

A photo album?

Take a look.

I don't know if right now is the best time.

Actually, this might be the perfect time.

I bet him a kiss that Denver would beat Buffalo.

Oh, wow.

Feels like such a long time ago.

Samantha told me I might find you here.

Are you a good listener?

I should be.

I've been married to Samantha's mother for almost 40 years.

It's been a rough couple months.

It's not easy.

We've all been through this before.

It feels like an eternity, you know?

A couple rough patches.

are irrelevant in the span of a solid marriage.

John, you shouldn't make a long -term decision based on a short -term emotion.

Who are you?

Never heard you say more than five words in my life.

Okay, everybody. Good job. Goodbye.

See you next week. Get off book.

I was going to call you after class.

Oh.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Not really, no.

Maybe being in your element for a while will help with that?

Yeah. You know, that's actually why I came by. I was going to talk to you

maybe studying with you again. What? If that's okay. No, I would love that.

Oh, this is perfect.

What are you talking about?

I have a family matter back here. I have to leave the day after tomorrow, and I

would love for you to fill in for me. It could be a week.

Are you kidding? I would be honored.

Yes. Oh. Thank you. Great. Great.

When I get back, I think we should talk about you teaching a workshop here at

the studio if you're interested.

Really? Yes.

I'm interested. Thank you so much.

Great. I've got to run. Okay. All right.

Do you still have keys to lock up when you finish?

Yeah, I do. Okay. I will.

Goodbye. Thanks.

Are you okay?

No, I'm not. I tried to call John and I even went to the actor's studio.

No marriage is bulletproof.

I know what's in your heart.

You ready?

Welcome back to the show, everyone.

Before we take another caller, there is something I feel I need to share with my

listeners.

I have given you a lot of advice over the years, but it is just that,

advice.

We all make hard decisions in our lives. We determine the choices we make.

For love and hopefully nobody gets heartbroken along the way Maybe it's

in our genes to Make our differences more complicated than they need to be

it's an explanation of something that we don't understand

Maybe the guidance that we have been looking for is right

in front of us It's in the power of the word it's

Saying, I love you.

I understand you, and I never want to lose you.

Pierre, I do.

Welcome back to the show, Pierre.

It's great to have you.

Merci beaucoup, ma chérie.

I've been looking forward to this call.

I think we all have.

I realize I haven't given you the proper advice that you were looking for.

No?

Then maybe I wasn't ready to hear it, but I am ready now.

That sounds positive.

It is.

I realize it wasn't advice that you were seeking, but rather validation for a

decision that you had already made.

Oui, that was true, but not anymore.

I called today because I know that only you can help me.

Tell me, do you have a perfect marriage?

You're turning the table, Pierre.

No.

I don't have a perfect marriage.

I've listened closely to your words and advice when we talk.

You talk from the heart.

I believe in true love.

And so do I.

I was selfish with my husband.

I lost sight of what really matters.

in life and i may have lost the only person i have ever loved

i was wrong

what's your truth

my truth is i was worried about losing my identity

as much as losing my importance in my wife's eyes

I too was selfish, and I was wrong.

Do you remember what you said to me the first time that we met?

That you felt like you couldn't breathe?

You said it felt like interpanamonium and perpetual bliss at the same time.

Now I know what that means.

This is when I say I love you.

I love you more than anything in the whole world.

And I never want to lose you.

I'm going to have to call you back.

You wanted to see me?

Samantha, have a seat.

This is about the last broadcast.

I'm sorry. I got really emotional and it won't happen again.

You're sorry?

I don't care if it was a stunt or if it was an act of God.

It put the show over the top.

Ask Dr. Sam is our highest rated broadcast. You are number one in every

With that said, we would like to renew your contract for three years, with a

substantial rate, of course.

And you would have full control of the show's content.

Carte blanche.

Wow.

I don't know what to say.

But yes, telling me you want to stay here with us and make history, that

be a good start.

Oh, and isn't there something else that you would like to add?

Samantha, I'll support you in whatever you need.

I'll ride for the brand.

Done.

I just have a favor to ask.

I need some time off.

A little vacation time to spend with a special man.

You got it.

Thank you.

Can I come in?

Hey, Samantha.

Honey. Can Jake come in?

Yes, come in.

Thank you.

Nice shirt.

Borrowed it from your closet when you weren't looking.

Hey.

What's going on?

I wanted to say this to both of you together.

I feel horrible about the last two weeks.

And I want to buy you both a gift to make up for it.

Not another puppy.

No.

Okay,

what is this gift you speak of? How about an all -expenses -paid stay at the

best resort in New Mexico?

I'm also inviting Kiki and Brad, and I'm going with a special lady.

What special lady?

Oh, it's a surprise.

Someone I've been interested in for a while?

Well, look at that. There's a heart in there after all.

Staying for dinner?

Yes.

Looks like everyone's here.

Bonjour, mademoiselle Cruz.

Comment ça va?

The French teacher?

Yeah.

Oui, it is me.

You were even hotter than when we were in high school.

I'm just saying.

I'm very proud of you. You should be. Wow.

Good to see you.

We've got tea time in 30 minutes.

Bonjour.

I've got to keep some things in history.

Right?

Oh my goodness. Look at that face.

Congratulations, guys.

We wish you were here.

We do too.

Enjoy your freedom now, you two.

Yeah, because once you have one of these little guys, there's no more vacations

for a while.

You should think of a name for the puppy before you come home.

You know what? She's right.

What do you think?

Pierre.

Really? Yeah.

Okay, I love it. Pierre. Pierre it is.

We miss you guys.

Keep the pictures coming.

We will.

Okay, bye, guys.

Bye. See you later, little Pierre.

Au revoir.

Bye.

You know, I would give up all of this

for one of our own.

Yeah?

Really?

You mean it?

Oui, mon chéri.

Ooh la la.

the very