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1
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Yeah, call my travel agent.
2
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Book me into the best resort in the Bahamas.
3
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:46,339
The Bahamas? Why? Is South Beach over?
4
00:00:46,339 --> 00:00:49,844
No. Liberty Air is sending me
there for a marketing retreat.
5
00:00:49,844 --> 00:00:51,346
Oh, so this is all work, no play?
6
00:00:52,848 --> 00:00:55,853
Oh, right. I'll just crack open
the Spartacus guide.
7
00:00:56,354 --> 00:00:58,357
Hey, you got a minute?
8
00:00:58,357 --> 00:00:59,859
Yeah, we're just planning my trip.
9
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:00,861
Well, you better hold off on that.
10
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,362
I'm sending Darren Johnson instead.
11
00:01:04,866 --> 00:01:06,368
I need for you to go home.
12
00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:08,872
If you'll just excuse me for a minute.
13
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,384
This is just until this whole
harassment thing is over.
14
00:01:17,384 --> 00:01:19,888
Whatever happened to
"innocent until proven guilty?"
15
00:01:19,888 --> 00:01:22,392
Look, the Liberty Air folks are conservative.
16
00:01:22,392 --> 00:01:23,894
What would they think if they found out
17
00:01:23,894 --> 00:01:26,398
that their account exec
was involved in a gay sex scandal?
18
00:01:26,398 --> 00:01:28,401
You mean they wouldn't mind a straight one?
19
00:01:29,903 --> 00:01:31,906
I've also spoken with legal.
20
00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:35,412
You're going to be seeing a,
uh, a rep from human resources,
21
00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:36,914
and there's going to be a...
22
00:01:36,914 --> 00:01:38,917
outside investigation, followed by a tribunal
23
00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:41,421
with a... an impartial mediator.
24
00:01:41,921 --> 00:01:43,924
When's the hanging?
25
00:01:43,924 --> 00:01:45,927
If I were you, I'd get myself a good lawyer.
26
00:01:57,445 --> 00:01:58,947
I told you not to fuck him.
27
00:01:58,947 --> 00:02:01,451
Have you ever noticed that
when your mom's not waiting on us,
28
00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:04,456
the portions shrink by approximately one third?
29
00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:06,959
I said "fries". Plural.
30
00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,961
Are you even listening to me?
31
00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,964
Yeah, I shouldn't have fucked him.
32
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,469
It's like Mr. Wertschafter fucking me.
33
00:02:13,469 --> 00:02:15,472
Mr. Wertschafter's like 72!
34
00:02:15,472 --> 00:02:18,476
Do you mind? I was trying to eat.
35
00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:21,481
You know what I mean.
You don't prey on the help.
36
00:02:21,481 --> 00:02:23,983
I didn't "prey" on him. He went after me.
37
00:02:23,983 --> 00:02:25,986
Let's go to the gym.
38
00:02:25,986 --> 00:02:27,489
You'll feel better after you work out.
39
00:02:29,992 --> 00:02:32,997
- You coming?
- Oh, no.
40
00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:35,000
The gym isn't the same without my workout buddy.
41
00:02:36,002 --> 00:02:37,504
We'll be your workout buddies.
42
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,006
Emmett would let me get away with murder.
43
00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:40,509
You guys'll make me sweat.
44
00:02:40,509 --> 00:02:42,011
So we'll see you at Woody's later on?
45
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:46,017
Ah, Woody's isn't the same
without my beer buddy there,
46
00:02:46,017 --> 00:02:48,521
pointing out all the cute guys and...
47
00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,524
spilling drinks all over me.
48
00:02:50,524 --> 00:02:52,528
We'll spill drinks all over you.
49
00:02:52,528 --> 00:02:56,534
You know Emmett can't commit to anything.
50
00:02:56,534 --> 00:02:58,036
A guy, a new conditioner.
51
00:02:58,537 --> 00:03:00,039
He'll get over this too. You'll see.
52
00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:04,044
Thanks for lunch.
53
00:03:07,549 --> 00:03:09,050
So, uh, there we were the other night,
54
00:03:09,552 --> 00:03:11,555
Jim and I, sitting around watching the game.
55
00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:13,558
I'm... I'm trying to teach him football.
56
00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:17,063
She is. Can you stand it? But I'm hopeless!
57
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,067
Yeah, you are. But anyway, so there I am,
58
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:23,072
trying to explain point spreads yet again,
59
00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:25,576
when all of a sudden, uh,
60
00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:28,080
we started to look into each other's eyes.
61
00:03:28,581 --> 00:03:30,584
The next thing I know, we were kissing.
62
00:03:30,584 --> 00:03:32,086
With tongues and everything.
63
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,593
I know. Can you stand it?
64
00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:39,097
And now... well, you tell them, honey.
65
00:03:40,599 --> 00:03:41,601
We're engaged.
66
00:03:43,102 --> 00:03:44,605
Can you stand it? Can you stand it?
67
00:03:46,608 --> 00:03:49,111
Do you see the power of the work
we're doing here?
68
00:03:49,111 --> 00:03:52,116
Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't possible,
69
00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:54,620
that you can't heal.
70
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:57,625
I want to hear success stories
from each and every one of you.
71
00:03:57,625 --> 00:03:58,626
You can do it.
72
00:03:58,626 --> 00:04:00,629
You can do it. You can do it.
73
00:04:05,135 --> 00:04:06,637
It's inspiring, isn't it?
74
00:04:07,138 --> 00:04:08,641
Seeing people change their lives.
75
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,645
Yeah, it gives us all hope that...
76
00:04:12,145 --> 00:04:14,650
one day we too can be a success story.
77
00:04:15,651 --> 00:04:18,656
- God, I wish I was one.
- Oh, me too.
78
00:04:18,656 --> 00:04:20,158
- I'm Heather.
- Uh, Emmett.
79
00:04:20,158 --> 00:04:23,162
- Hi.
- Ow. Oh, nice, firm handshake.
80
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:25,164
Sorry, I'm.... I'm working on that.
81
00:04:27,669 --> 00:04:29,672
Uh, so you're new here, huh?
82
00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:31,675
Uh, yeah. A couple of weeks. Ah.
83
00:04:31,675 --> 00:04:33,678
- You?
- Uh, six months.
84
00:04:34,178 --> 00:04:36,683
- Has it helped?
- I'm getting there,
85
00:04:36,683 --> 00:04:39,186
but it's a long road.
86
00:04:39,186 --> 00:04:43,192
You see, I first lost sight of the
light back in college.
87
00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:45,696
I fell in love with one of my sorority sisters,
88
00:04:45,696 --> 00:04:47,198
Jeannie.
89
00:04:47,198 --> 00:04:49,703
I taught her how to play golf at my parents' country club.
90
00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:52,206
And then one night it just happened.
91
00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:56,212
We made love on the 18th Green.
92
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,716
God! Oh, I still remember that hole.
93
00:05:01,219 --> 00:05:04,222
But then, uh, she got engaged to a golf pro
94
00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:06,727
and moved to Pinehurst, North Carolina.
95
00:05:06,727 --> 00:05:07,728
Sorry.
96
00:05:07,728 --> 00:05:11,233
When she left, I thought I would die.
97
00:05:11,233 --> 00:05:14,739
And I tried to get over it by
going from woman to woman.
98
00:05:14,739 --> 00:05:17,242
And I started to wonder how I ended up
99
00:05:17,242 --> 00:05:19,245
in such darkness.
100
00:05:20,748 --> 00:05:22,751
And that's when I started to find
my way back to the light.
101
00:05:24,253 --> 00:05:25,255
What about you?
102
00:05:27,258 --> 00:05:28,761
I made a promise to God.
103
00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:30,262
Oh, far out!
104
00:05:30,262 --> 00:05:33,768
I mean, you know I...
I really think he hears us, you know.
105
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:34,770
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
106
00:05:36,773 --> 00:05:40,278
Uh, so, what do you say,
107
00:05:40,278 --> 00:05:42,281
maybe you and me go out together some time?
108
00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:46,286
You mean, like on...
109
00:05:46,286 --> 00:05:47,789
on a date?
110
00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:51,294
I don't know. Uh...
111
00:05:51,294 --> 00:05:53,297
I thought you wanted to be a success story.
112
00:05:53,297 --> 00:05:54,800
More than anything.
113
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,803
Well then let's go for it.
114
00:05:56,803 --> 00:05:58,805
Tomorrow night. I'll pick you up at 8:00.
115
00:05:58,805 --> 00:05:59,806
All right. Okay
116
00:06:00,307 --> 00:06:01,809
8:00's great. But, um...
117
00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:03,311
aren't I supposed to pick you up?
118
00:06:03,812 --> 00:06:04,814
Oh. Ow!
119
00:06:04,814 --> 00:06:07,819
Yeah. Huh, right. Okay.
120
00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:13,828
Whipped you up a little snack.
121
00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:18,836
"A little snack" is a handful of Captain Crunch.
122
00:06:19,336 --> 00:06:20,839
I'm fresh out of Captain Crunch.
123
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,342
This is a little penne, sun-dried tomato.
124
00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:26,346
That's a white wine cream sauce with arugula,
125
00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:27,848
and a witty little merlot.
126
00:06:30,352 --> 00:06:32,856
Oh. It's hot!
127
00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:35,359
I burn... I burned my tongue.
128
00:06:35,359 --> 00:06:36,862
Well let me cool it down for you.
129
00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,373
That better not be who I think it is.
130
00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:47,378
It's Ted.
131
00:06:47,378 --> 00:06:48,881
Hey, am I disturbing you?
132
00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:50,383
Well... all right,
133
00:06:50,383 --> 00:06:51,885
so I'm lying in bed.
134
00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:53,888
I'm watching this porno flick, right? It's terrible.
135
00:06:53,888 --> 00:06:56,391
These two guys are fucking and
eating pasta at the same time.
136
00:06:56,391 --> 00:06:58,394
Like anyone would really do that, right?
137
00:06:58,394 --> 00:06:59,897
Uh-huh.
138
00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,398
When Brian calls.
139
00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:02,400
Oh-oh.
140
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,403
I think he's kind of freaking out.
141
00:07:04,403 --> 00:07:05,905
Freaking out?
142
00:07:05,905 --> 00:07:07,908
Yeah. He wanted me to tell him,
as his accountant,
143
00:07:07,908 --> 00:07:09,911
how long he could go without a job.
144
00:07:09,911 --> 00:07:10,913
And what did you tell him?
145
00:07:10,913 --> 00:07:13,917
The way he spends? Two months, tops.
146
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,920
And what did he say?
147
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,923
He thanked me very much
148
00:07:17,923 --> 00:07:20,928
for being such a wonderful
and compassionate friend.
149
00:07:20,928 --> 00:07:22,931
Oh, my God, he is freaking out.
150
00:07:24,934 --> 00:07:25,936
I'll call you later.
151
00:07:25,936 --> 00:07:26,937
All right.
152
00:07:32,946 --> 00:07:33,948
Yeah!
153
00:07:35,951 --> 00:07:37,954
What's the matter?
154
00:07:37,954 --> 00:07:40,457
It's Brian. I've got to call him...
155
00:07:40,457 --> 00:07:42,461
David, you don't understand.
156
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,464
He's gonna go broke. He's gonna lose his job.
157
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,467
You don't understand.
158
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,472
We're not going to have a relationship
like Melanie and Lindsay.
159
00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:52,475
Of course we're not.
160
00:07:52,475 --> 00:07:54,477
We're not lesbians.
161
00:07:54,477 --> 00:07:55,479
I mean...
162
00:07:57,983 --> 00:08:00,486
there's only room in this...
163
00:08:00,486 --> 00:08:03,992
house, our house, our bed, our life,
164
00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:06,997
for you and me, not for you and me and Brian.
165
00:08:06,997 --> 00:08:07,998
I know.
166
00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:14,508
Promise me that you won't involve yourself
167
00:08:14,508 --> 00:08:16,511
in his problems. He's made his own bed.
168
00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:21,018
Now he can get sued in it.
169
00:08:25,525 --> 00:08:28,028
Let me get this straight. You fuck up my life,
170
00:08:28,028 --> 00:08:30,031
you destroy my relationship,
171
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,534
and now you have the astonishing,
breathtaking gall
172
00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,037
to ask me to represent you?
173
00:08:34,037 --> 00:08:36,040
Yeah. And I'll pay too.
174
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,043
Oh, keep your money, because from what I hear,
175
00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:40,047
you're going to need it.
176
00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:45,054
Fine. Homophobic corporate America wins again.
177
00:08:45,054 --> 00:08:47,558
Oh, please. You could hang a sign
on your office door
178
00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:50,562
saying "blow jobs, 10 cents"
and you'd still have it better
179
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:52,064
than any woman or person of colour
180
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,067
because guess what?
You're a white man.
181
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,072
Which still counts for something in this country.
182
00:08:57,072 --> 00:08:58,073
Thanks.
183
00:09:00,577 --> 00:09:02,079
All right, just for laughs,
184
00:09:02,079 --> 00:09:04,082
give me your version of the story.
185
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,585
He wanted it, I gave it to him.
186
00:09:06,585 --> 00:09:08,588
Like I asked for, short but sweet.
187
00:09:08,588 --> 00:09:10,591
- It wasn't that short..
- And where
188
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:14,097
did this act of selfless generosity take place?
189
00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:16,600
In my office and in my loft.
190
00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:19,605
So he couldn't have minded it
too much if he came back for more. Go on.
191
00:09:19,605 --> 00:09:21,608
Then he asked me to help him get a promotion.
192
00:09:21,608 --> 00:09:23,611
- What did you tell him?
- I told him he wasn't ready.
193
00:09:24,112 --> 00:09:25,114
How did he take it?
194
00:09:25,114 --> 00:09:26,616
How do you think?
195
00:09:26,616 --> 00:09:29,120
He felt because we were both gay,
196
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,126
and we'd fucked, that somehow
he was entitled to a free ride.
197
00:09:33,126 --> 00:09:34,128
I didn't agree.
198
00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:35,629
How many tricks do you have a month?
199
00:09:36,631 --> 00:09:37,632
20, 30.
200
00:09:38,134 --> 00:09:39,636
Jesus, what a life.
201
00:09:39,636 --> 00:09:42,140
What does the number of guys
I do have to do with it?
202
00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:44,143
Well for once, the fact that
you screw everything that moves
203
00:09:44,143 --> 00:09:46,645
is your finest quality and your best defense.
204
00:09:46,645 --> 00:09:50,150
You didn't have to abuse your position
at work in order to get laid.
205
00:09:50,150 --> 00:09:52,153
"The fuck defense"?
206
00:09:52,654 --> 00:09:55,158
We've got to prove that when this
kid didn't get what he wanted,
207
00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:57,161
he decided to use the law in order to get even.
208
00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:00,166
Then you'll take the case?
209
00:10:05,173 --> 00:10:07,176
Look, not that I give a shit about saving your ass,
210
00:10:07,176 --> 00:10:09,179
but it might be amusing to have you
indebted to me
211
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:10,681
for the rest of your life.
212
00:10:21,198 --> 00:10:22,700
Do it.
213
00:10:29,709 --> 00:10:30,711
- Do it.
- Do it.
214
00:10:38,723 --> 00:10:39,725
- Do it..
- Do it.
215
00:10:48,738 --> 00:10:50,241
Do the hustle.
216
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,752
Do you mind?
217
00:10:58,253 --> 00:10:59,254
What's the matter, princess?
218
00:10:59,254 --> 00:11:01,257
I'm trying to do my homework.
219
00:11:01,257 --> 00:11:03,761
Well, excuse us!
220
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:10,270
Hey.
221
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,273
Hey, Mikey.
222
00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:22,289
What are they doing?
223
00:11:22,289 --> 00:11:23,791
Reliving their youth.
224
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:26,295
Do the hustle!
225
00:11:27,797 --> 00:11:29,800
You people are so weird.
226
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,804
Well, if you don't like it,
why don't you just go up to your room?
227
00:11:32,804 --> 00:11:34,808
Oh, let me rephrase that, "my room".
228
00:11:34,808 --> 00:11:36,811
Would you let it go, already?
229
00:11:36,811 --> 00:11:37,812
Yeah, Mikey.
230
00:11:37,812 --> 00:11:40,817
You're a doctor's wife now.
231
00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:42,320
That's right.
232
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,323
And to think I used to worry that
you'd be spending your life
233
00:11:44,323 --> 00:11:46,825
following after... what's-his-name?
234
00:11:46,825 --> 00:11:48,327
Would you leave Brian out of this?
235
00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:49,829
He's got enough shit to deal with.
236
00:11:51,331 --> 00:11:52,833
What kind of shit?
237
00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:56,339
Some guy at work is suing
him for sexual harassment.
238
00:11:56,339 --> 00:11:58,342
It's really serious. He could lose everything.
239
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,849
I knew some day he'd stick his dick
where it didn't belong.
240
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,353
Well, we've got to do something.
241
00:12:05,353 --> 00:12:07,356
Sunshine, I don't think there's anything you can do.
242
00:12:07,356 --> 00:12:08,858
I'm afraid...
243
00:12:10,361 --> 00:12:12,364
Brian's fucked the last person he should have...
244
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:14,867
himself.
245
00:12:18,373 --> 00:12:19,374
I'm sorry, honey.
246
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:25,384
You're his best friend.
247
00:12:25,384 --> 00:12:26,886
You should do something.
248
00:12:27,387 --> 00:12:28,888
I would do something if I could.
249
00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:31,392
Just mind your own business.
250
00:12:40,906 --> 00:12:42,408
Dr. Cameron, please.
251
00:12:42,408 --> 00:12:43,409
It's Michael.
252
00:12:46,914 --> 00:12:48,917
Hey!
253
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:51,922
Listen, um, I know we had plans tonight, but, uh,
254
00:12:51,922 --> 00:12:53,925
My mom's got this... she's not feeling well.
255
00:12:53,925 --> 00:12:58,432
She's got this flu-cough-fever-cold
kind of a thing,
256
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:01,437
yeah, you know? And I thought I'd, you know,
257
00:13:01,437 --> 00:13:04,442
stick around, and, uh, keep her company.
258
00:13:08,447 --> 00:13:09,949
Fuck you.
259
00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:11,952
Look, I just want you to know
260
00:13:11,952 --> 00:13:14,956
- that I'm really sorry about this.
- Really?
261
00:13:14,956 --> 00:13:16,959
That makes me feel a lot better.
262
00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:18,963
Uh, I... I had no choice. If...
263
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:21,467
if I didn't do what you wanted,
you'd have fired me.
264
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,470
No, you just tried to get ahead by giving head,
265
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,975
which, by the way, you're not very good at.
266
00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:30,481
Huh! We obviously remember
things very differently.
267
00:13:30,481 --> 00:13:31,482
Yeah!
268
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:32,984
I remember what happened.
269
00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,495
If I could propose something...
270
00:13:41,497 --> 00:13:44,501
I'd be more than willing to forget
the whole thing if...
271
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:47,506
you'll say you're sorry,
and reconsider me for that position.
272
00:13:47,506 --> 00:13:50,510
You know, you have a real talent for propositions.
273
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:52,011
Would you mind not standing so close?
274
00:13:52,011 --> 00:13:53,514
Why?
275
00:13:54,014 --> 00:13:56,017
You worried something might happen?
276
00:13:56,017 --> 00:13:58,021
Like I might use my position of power
277
00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,024
to take advantage of your tight little asshole?
278
00:14:00,024 --> 00:14:01,025
God!
279
00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:09,037
Get out of my office.
280
00:14:15,047 --> 00:14:16,550
You know, I never realized till seeing it with you
281
00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:19,554
That "A Night at the Opera" was such
an epic tragedy.
282
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,057
I'm sorry. It's just that last Halloween,
283
00:14:22,057 --> 00:14:25,062
Lindsay went as Groucho and I went as Harpo.
284
00:14:27,065 --> 00:14:28,568
Well, that explains it.
285
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,573
Oh God,
286
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,578
nothing personal, but I just wish she was here.
287
00:14:36,579 --> 00:14:37,580
I understand.
288
00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:41,586
Most of my dates wish they were
with someone else.
289
00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:44,089
Oh, don't say that.
290
00:14:44,089 --> 00:14:47,595
- You're a real catch.
- I know.
291
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,099
Just my luck, lesbians find me irresistible.
292
00:14:58,111 --> 00:14:59,614
- Holy shit!
- What?
293
00:15:01,115 --> 00:15:02,618
I got you all excited?
294
00:15:04,621 --> 00:15:05,623
I don't believe it.
295
00:15:05,623 --> 00:15:08,126
Ted...
296
00:15:08,126 --> 00:15:09,128
Melanie, hi.
297
00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:12,131
Um, this is Heather.
298
00:15:12,131 --> 00:15:13,634
My date.
299
00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:16,138
- I'm sorry, I thought you said...
- He did.
300
00:15:16,639 --> 00:15:18,642
We're going for pizza. You want to double?
301
00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:20,144
- Double?
- Yeah.
302
00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:21,647
They're not really a couple, Heather.
303
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:25,653
- I'm a homo.
- And I'm a lesbo.
304
00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:27,656
Oh.
305
00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:30,660
I thought from the hug that maybe
you were normal.
306
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,162
We are.
307
00:15:32,162 --> 00:15:34,165
What the hell's gotten into you?
308
00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:35,667
He's seen the light.
309
00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:38,170
Where are they shining it? Up your ass?
310
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:41,175
"See the light" is helping us build a...
311
00:15:41,175 --> 00:15:44,180
happy, heterosexual life.
312
00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:47,184
Yeah, well while you're at it,
why don't you ask the wizard for a brain?
313
00:15:47,184 --> 00:15:48,687
I'm so glad that we amuse you.
314
00:15:48,687 --> 00:15:51,189
Who's amused? I'm outraged!
315
00:15:51,691 --> 00:15:53,193
Just ignore her, Heather, she doesn't understand.
316
00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:54,695
I understand you assholes
317
00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:57,199
are setting back the gay rights
movement about 50 years.
318
00:15:58,701 --> 00:16:01,205
Come on, Emmett, I don't think I
care for your friends.
319
00:16:04,711 --> 00:16:05,712
Emmett, wait.
320
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,219
Can we at least get together sometime?
321
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,726
Sure. Um, if you ever want to...
322
00:16:16,228 --> 00:16:16,729
see the light...
323
00:16:18,231 --> 00:16:19,233
come to a meeting.
324
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,753
I thought you might be a little hungry.
325
00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:35,255
A little?
326
00:16:35,756 --> 00:16:37,759
Do you know what we'd turn into if we ate all that?
327
00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:39,763
A couple of fat, flabby fags
328
00:16:39,763 --> 00:16:42,266
who nobody would want to fuck, ever.
329
00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:43,769
Ah. Let's dig in.
330
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,776
Mmm, you know what I remember from high school?
331
00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:51,280
The time in biology class
332
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,284
when you beat off in a test tube
for your science project?
333
00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,789
No. Food.
334
00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:00,294
There was always lots of food at your house.
335
00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:02,297
That's an Italian thing.
336
00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:05,301
And there was always plenty of
booze at your house.
337
00:17:05,301 --> 00:17:06,303
Yeah, huh?
338
00:17:06,303 --> 00:17:07,806
That's an Irish thing.
339
00:17:09,307 --> 00:17:10,809
What's this?
340
00:17:10,809 --> 00:17:13,313
- "Reality checklist"?
- Yeah, I've been...
341
00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:16,317
thinking of simplifying my life.
342
00:17:16,317 --> 00:17:18,320
"Clothes"?
343
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,825
You... you can certainly save money on clothes.
344
00:17:22,326 --> 00:17:23,328
"Cosmetics"?
345
00:17:23,829 --> 00:17:26,834
Yeah, the French anti-aging shit costs $100 a tube and...
346
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:27,835
I still don't look 19.
347
00:17:29,337 --> 00:17:31,841
- "Going out"?
- Yeah.
348
00:17:31,841 --> 00:17:33,844
I figured I could probably survive hitting the clubs
349
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,847
five times a week instead of six.
350
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:37,850
I don't know. That's a pretty big sacrifice.
351
00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:40,353
"Loft"?
352
00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:43,358
Yeah, well...
353
00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:45,361
what do I need this big,
expensive place for, anyway?
354
00:17:46,362 --> 00:17:47,364
This is your home.
355
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,371
Maybe it won't come to that.
356
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,377
Hmm. Well, if it does,
357
00:17:56,377 --> 00:17:58,881
I'll just get a rich sugar daddy like the doc.
358
00:17:58,881 --> 00:18:00,383
He's not my sugar daddy.
359
00:18:02,386 --> 00:18:04,890
If I'm not careful, he might not even be my boyfriend.
360
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:06,893
What? Trouble in paradise?
361
00:18:08,897 --> 00:18:10,398
He doesn't know I'm here.
362
00:18:12,401 --> 00:18:13,403
You're lying to him already?
363
00:18:15,406 --> 00:18:17,910
What is he afraid, I'll steal you away from him?
364
00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:18,912
Last chicken leg.
365
00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:21,415
You're the chicken hawk.
366
00:18:27,926 --> 00:18:29,427
I didn't do what they're saying.
367
00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:32,931
I just want you to know that.
368
00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:35,936
You don't have to explain.
369
00:18:38,941 --> 00:18:40,442
Hey, you know what I remember?
370
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:48,455
Senior year. We were going to be in a band.
371
00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:50,458
You were going to be the next Robert Smith.
372
00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:52,461
Yeah, well, that dream died real fast.
373
00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:53,964
We were damn good.
374
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,970
Hey, do you still have that guitar?
375
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,476
You know, they ought to let women in this contest.
376
00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:03,979
I've got a great chest.
377
00:19:03,979 --> 00:19:06,482
Yeah, chest of drawers.
378
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:07,985
Ooh!
379
00:19:09,487 --> 00:19:11,489
Hey! David.
380
00:19:11,489 --> 00:19:12,992
Speaking of great chests.
381
00:19:12,992 --> 00:19:14,494
Where's Michael?
382
00:19:14,494 --> 00:19:16,998
Here. He's here, isn't he?
383
00:19:16,998 --> 00:19:19,501
I haven't seen him.
384
00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:21,004
Well, he called and said that you were sick.
385
00:19:22,506 --> 00:19:24,009
He did?
386
00:19:24,009 --> 00:19:26,511
And he said he was spending the night here...
387
00:19:26,511 --> 00:19:28,014
to take care of you so...
388
00:19:28,014 --> 00:19:30,517
I thought I'd bring over some chicken soup.
389
00:19:31,019 --> 00:19:33,522
Oh, that is so thoughtful.
390
00:19:33,522 --> 00:19:35,525
And just what the doctor ordered.
391
00:19:35,525 --> 00:19:37,028
Hey, you're the doctor.
392
00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:41,534
So you're not sick?
393
00:19:43,537 --> 00:19:45,040
Well, don't sound so disappointed.
394
00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:48,545
She had a scratchy throat back in the winter of '86.
395
00:19:51,049 --> 00:19:52,050
Thank you. Yeah.
396
00:20:46,833 --> 00:20:49,337
Okay, let's go over the questions
397
00:20:49,838 --> 00:20:51,340
they're going to ask you at the hearing.
398
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,343
- Now?
- Huh! If you prefer,
399
00:20:53,343 --> 00:20:55,346
we can wait until they boot your
butt out of the company.
400
00:20:55,346 --> 00:20:57,850
Yes, now. Christ, you asked
me to represent you...
401
00:20:57,850 --> 00:20:58,851
Okay, fine.
402
00:21:00,354 --> 00:21:02,357
Fire away. But...
403
00:21:02,357 --> 00:21:03,859
gently.
404
00:21:05,362 --> 00:21:06,864
I said gently.
405
00:21:07,365 --> 00:21:07,865
Justin, please?
406
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:11,870
Sorry.
407
00:21:15,376 --> 00:21:17,880
Here, drink this. It's a secret recipe
408
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,883
that my alcoholic grandmother used to make.
409
00:21:22,886 --> 00:21:24,889
Jesus! It smells like a...
410
00:21:24,889 --> 00:21:26,392
dirty jockstrap.
411
00:21:26,392 --> 00:21:27,394
Well, in that case you should like it.
412
00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:34,404
The secret is she pissed in it.
413
00:21:34,404 --> 00:21:36,408
I'm just trying to help you.
414
00:21:36,908 --> 00:21:38,411
You know i'd do anything.
415
00:21:38,411 --> 00:21:40,414
Oh, Jesus, let's just pray the arbitrator's gay,
416
00:21:40,414 --> 00:21:41,916
and thinks he's cute.
417
00:21:45,922 --> 00:21:47,424
I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd...
418
00:21:47,925 --> 00:21:48,926
It's okay, neither...
419
00:21:48,926 --> 00:21:50,429
- Neither did...
- I'll come back later.
420
00:21:50,429 --> 00:21:52,431
No, stay. I... I was just helping Brian with...
421
00:21:52,431 --> 00:21:53,433
I know. He told me.
422
00:21:56,437 --> 00:21:57,439
Look who's here, honey.
423
00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:06,953
Go on.
424
00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:11,961
Hey, buddy.
425
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:19,472
Hey, sweetheart.
426
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:20,974
He misses you.
427
00:22:29,987 --> 00:22:31,990
Look, um...
428
00:22:33,993 --> 00:22:35,495
why don't we go over this later?
429
00:22:37,498 --> 00:22:39,501
You don't have to rush off because of me.
430
00:22:47,514 --> 00:22:48,515
I have to get to work.
431
00:22:58,029 --> 00:22:59,532
Would you get this shit away from me?
432
00:23:01,535 --> 00:23:03,037
It's my grandmother's recipe.
433
00:23:03,037 --> 00:23:04,540
He's majorly hung.
434
00:23:04,540 --> 00:23:06,543
And for once,
435
00:23:06,543 --> 00:23:08,546
he's not talking about my cock.
436
00:23:08,546 --> 00:23:11,551
Oh.
437
00:23:11,551 --> 00:23:12,552
It's okay, Sonny-Boy,
438
00:23:12,552 --> 00:23:15,055
your old man will recover.
439
00:23:15,055 --> 00:23:17,057
He's not crying over you, he misses Melanie.
440
00:23:17,057 --> 00:23:19,561
Well, you just had your chance.
Why didn't you beg her to come back?
441
00:23:19,561 --> 00:23:21,063
Excuse me?
442
00:23:21,063 --> 00:23:22,064
She's the one who cheated.
443
00:23:22,566 --> 00:23:24,569
Well, maybe she had reason.
444
00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:28,575
So, now you're taking her side?
Huh, that's amusing,
445
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:32,581
after all the years you spent hating her,
humiliating her,
446
00:23:32,581 --> 00:23:35,084
trying to force her out of our
lives every chance you got.
447
00:23:35,084 --> 00:23:37,589
Well, congratulations,
you finally got what you wanted.
448
00:23:37,589 --> 00:23:38,590
Yeah, that's right,
449
00:23:38,590 --> 00:23:40,092
blame me.
450
00:23:40,092 --> 00:23:41,094
Why not?
451
00:23:42,095 --> 00:23:43,097
Everybody else does.
452
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,103
Well, maybe you finally got what you wanted.
453
00:23:47,103 --> 00:23:48,606
Look,
454
00:23:48,606 --> 00:23:51,610
I'm going to have to go back
to work sooner than I thought,
455
00:23:51,610 --> 00:23:53,612
which means I'll need a sitter.
456
00:23:53,612 --> 00:23:55,615
I'll do it. I'm great with Gus.
457
00:23:56,116 --> 00:23:58,620
Oh, I'm sure. Only I need someone full-time.
458
00:23:58,620 --> 00:23:59,622
Hmm.
459
00:24:02,125 --> 00:24:04,128
Justin, will you get my cheque book?
460
00:24:08,134 --> 00:24:09,136
Are you sure?
461
00:24:09,637 --> 00:24:10,639
I mean, with what's going on...
462
00:24:10,639 --> 00:24:11,640
It's not a problem.
463
00:24:13,142 --> 00:24:15,645
I said I'd look after you and Gus, and I am.
464
00:24:26,161 --> 00:24:27,162
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
465
00:24:30,167 --> 00:24:31,670
Hey.
466
00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:34,673
What?
467
00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:36,677
I know I smell bad.
468
00:24:36,677 --> 00:24:37,678
It's vodka.
469
00:24:43,687 --> 00:24:45,690
- Something wrong?
- No. Not at all.
470
00:24:47,693 --> 00:24:49,697
Except, could you keep the elephants
from running up and down the stairs?
471
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:52,200
Excuse me?
472
00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:54,203
Nothing.
473
00:24:54,203 --> 00:24:55,706
You got in at 3:00 last night.
474
00:24:55,706 --> 00:24:57,208
I did?
475
00:24:57,709 --> 00:24:59,712
Your mother must've been really sick.
476
00:25:01,214 --> 00:25:03,217
Yeah, well you know those flu-cough...
477
00:25:03,217 --> 00:25:04,720
Fever-cold kind of things?
478
00:25:06,221 --> 00:25:08,224
Michael, I know she wasn't sick
479
00:25:08,224 --> 00:25:10,228
'cause I went over there to find you.
480
00:25:10,228 --> 00:25:12,230
- Oh, shit.
- And then...
481
00:25:12,230 --> 00:25:14,232
I caught the late show at Woody's.
482
00:25:15,735 --> 00:25:17,236
Double shit.
483
00:25:17,236 --> 00:25:19,239
You know, you and Brian play pretty well together.
484
00:25:19,239 --> 00:25:21,744
The two of you... well I...
Of course I shouldn't be surprised.
485
00:25:21,744 --> 00:25:24,748
I told you, Brian's going through a
really tough time right now.
486
00:25:24,748 --> 00:25:26,751
Yeah, and I told you something too.
487
00:25:26,751 --> 00:25:28,253
So if this is the way it's going to be,
488
00:25:28,253 --> 00:25:30,256
you lying to me so that you can be with him...
489
00:25:31,759 --> 00:25:33,762
I think we better rethink things.
490
00:25:42,275 --> 00:25:44,779
What the fuck's the matter with you,
491
00:25:44,779 --> 00:25:46,782
lying to David, telling him I was sick?
492
00:25:46,782 --> 00:25:48,284
I didn't know what to say.
493
00:25:48,785 --> 00:25:50,287
- And that was a first.
- Shut up.
494
00:25:50,788 --> 00:25:52,290
All right, I made a mistake.
495
00:25:52,290 --> 00:25:54,794
You're damn right you did.
And you keep this up,
496
00:25:54,794 --> 00:25:55,795
you're going to blow it, you hear me?
497
00:25:55,795 --> 00:25:58,298
I already said I was wrong, okay?
498
00:25:58,298 --> 00:26:01,303
If you want to torture someone,
go to the "S and M" bar across the street.
499
00:26:03,306 --> 00:26:05,309
What's with you guys, anyway?
500
00:26:05,309 --> 00:26:07,814
This is supposed to be a gay bar, remember?
501
00:26:09,816 --> 00:26:11,819
I saw Emmett last night, with this woman.
502
00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:16,826
At least that's how she purported
to represent herself.
503
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,829
He really is going straight.
504
00:26:18,829 --> 00:26:20,331
And so are we.
505
00:26:20,331 --> 00:26:22,836
Straight to hell, according to them.
506
00:26:22,836 --> 00:26:24,839
Yeah, but doesn't he know that every reputable
507
00:26:24,839 --> 00:26:27,843
psychological study done within the
past 25 years
508
00:26:27,843 --> 00:26:30,347
emphatically states that a person's
sexual orientation
509
00:26:30,347 --> 00:26:31,849
is determined by age of six,
510
00:26:31,849 --> 00:26:33,853
sometimes even before birth,
511
00:26:33,853 --> 00:26:35,353
and it's completely unalterable?
512
00:26:35,353 --> 00:26:36,856
You tell 'em, Sunshine.
513
00:26:36,856 --> 00:26:39,861
A leopard can't change his stripes.
514
00:26:39,861 --> 00:26:41,864
Either can a queer.
515
00:26:41,864 --> 00:26:42,865
You know,
516
00:26:42,865 --> 00:26:44,367
it's a nasty world out there.
517
00:26:44,868 --> 00:26:48,875
So, if Emmett hasn't got the guts to be gay,
518
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:50,878
then I say fuck him.
519
00:26:51,378 --> 00:26:52,881
You know, he's still our friend.
520
00:26:54,884 --> 00:26:56,386
I just can't let him go that easily.
521
00:26:57,888 --> 00:26:59,390
Can I get a stoli on the rocks?
522
00:27:21,422 --> 00:27:23,926
Haven't I seen you before?
523
00:27:23,926 --> 00:27:25,428
That's original.
524
00:27:25,930 --> 00:27:27,431
And the answer is, "No, I don't think so."
525
00:27:28,934 --> 00:27:31,939
No. It was the other night, at Babylon.
526
00:27:33,441 --> 00:27:33,942
I remember you.
527
00:27:35,444 --> 00:27:37,948
Well, I don't remember you.
528
00:27:52,971 --> 00:27:54,473
Working late, doc?
529
00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:57,978
Catching up on some paperwork.
530
00:28:00,481 --> 00:28:03,486
So I hear you have a problem.
531
00:28:03,486 --> 00:28:07,491
Yeah, I've got this pain in my ass.
532
00:28:07,992 --> 00:28:09,494
Maybe it's from over-exertion.
533
00:28:09,494 --> 00:28:11,497
Maybe it's you.
534
00:28:11,497 --> 00:28:14,502
So how can I help alleviate your condition?
535
00:28:14,502 --> 00:28:16,005
You can lay off Mikey.
536
00:28:16,505 --> 00:28:17,506
Well, my prescription for that
537
00:28:18,008 --> 00:28:19,509
would be for you to mind your own business.
538
00:28:19,509 --> 00:28:21,512
He is my business.
539
00:28:21,512 --> 00:28:24,017
And he's going to be my business,
long after you're gone.
540
00:28:24,517 --> 00:28:26,520
I'm not going anywhere.
541
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,525
Although I did hear that you may
be on your way out.
542
00:28:29,525 --> 00:28:31,028
Who told you that?
543
00:28:31,028 --> 00:28:33,031
Practically everyone,
544
00:28:34,532 --> 00:28:36,535
although that's not our concern.
545
00:28:36,535 --> 00:28:38,538
Your better half thinks differently.
546
00:28:38,538 --> 00:28:41,042
I told my "better half" to stay out of it.
547
00:28:41,042 --> 00:28:42,544
By forbidding him to see me?
548
00:28:44,047 --> 00:28:45,548
You know,
549
00:28:45,548 --> 00:28:47,051
that's not how you're going to keep him.
550
00:28:48,553 --> 00:28:50,056
That's how you're going to lose him.
551
00:28:55,564 --> 00:28:57,067
You know, doc,
552
00:28:57,067 --> 00:28:59,070
You are good.
553
00:28:59,570 --> 00:29:01,573
That pain I was having is...
554
00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:04,076
feeling better already.
555
00:29:32,619 --> 00:29:34,122
Feel anything?
556
00:29:34,122 --> 00:29:37,126
A numb, tingling sensation.
557
00:29:37,626 --> 00:29:39,629
But, uh, then I realized my... my leg's asleep.
558
00:29:40,131 --> 00:29:41,633
Oh.
559
00:29:42,134 --> 00:29:43,636
How about you?
560
00:29:43,636 --> 00:29:46,140
Um, just a queasiness in my stomach,
561
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,143
like when you eat a bad clam.
562
00:29:51,648 --> 00:29:54,152
Look, we... we don't have to do this.
563
00:29:54,653 --> 00:29:56,155
No! I want a success story.
564
00:29:56,155 --> 00:29:58,157
Oh, so do I.
565
00:29:58,157 --> 00:30:00,160
Uh, maybe if we, um...
566
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,661
maybe if we fantasized.
567
00:30:02,163 --> 00:30:04,666
You know, you... you think about the perfect man,
568
00:30:04,666 --> 00:30:08,172
and I'll think about the perfect woman.
569
00:30:08,172 --> 00:30:10,675
It's a crutch, but... if it helps us walk...
570
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:41,722
Well?
571
00:30:43,725 --> 00:30:44,727
Keep trying.
572
00:31:22,783 --> 00:31:24,286
And?
573
00:31:24,786 --> 00:31:26,289
I think I'm starting to feel something.
574
00:31:26,289 --> 00:31:27,290
Me too.
575
00:31:43,315 --> 00:31:45,318
Hey!
576
00:31:45,318 --> 00:31:46,820
Aw, it's you again.
577
00:31:46,820 --> 00:31:48,823
You don't give up, do you?
578
00:31:48,823 --> 00:31:49,825
You want me to?
579
00:31:51,828 --> 00:31:54,332
Did you really see me before?
580
00:31:54,332 --> 00:31:56,834
Sure. You were with that guy, Brian.
581
00:31:58,336 --> 00:31:59,838
How do you know him?
582
00:31:59,838 --> 00:32:03,344
Everyone knows Brian Kinney.
583
00:32:03,344 --> 00:32:04,846
He's a real asshole.
584
00:32:06,348 --> 00:32:08,852
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
585
00:32:08,852 --> 00:32:10,355
He's always coming on to you,
586
00:32:10,355 --> 00:32:12,358
acting like he likes you.
587
00:32:12,858 --> 00:32:14,361
Really all he cares about is getting laid.
588
00:32:14,861 --> 00:32:16,364
How do you know?
589
00:32:16,364 --> 00:32:17,365
Did he break your heart?
590
00:32:19,368 --> 00:32:20,870
Fuck no!
591
00:32:20,870 --> 00:32:22,373
I'd never fall for his shit.
592
00:32:24,376 --> 00:32:27,381
Besides, he's not my type.
593
00:32:29,384 --> 00:32:30,385
Is he yours?
594
00:32:31,887 --> 00:32:33,390
Are you kidding?
595
00:32:35,893 --> 00:32:37,396
So what is your type?
596
00:32:57,425 --> 00:32:59,928
You can do it. You can do it.
597
00:32:59,928 --> 00:33:01,431
You can do it!
598
00:33:43,995 --> 00:33:44,996
So...
599
00:33:46,499 --> 00:33:47,501
how was it for you?
600
00:33:47,501 --> 00:33:49,003
You know, I didn't hate it.
601
00:33:49,003 --> 00:33:51,506
- Oh?
- You?
602
00:33:52,006 --> 00:33:54,009
It wasn't nearly as disgusting
as I thought it would be.
603
00:33:54,009 --> 00:33:56,012
- Hey!
- Yeah.
604
00:33:59,517 --> 00:34:01,520
The fantasies really helped.
605
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:02,522
Yeah.
606
00:34:04,024 --> 00:34:05,527
Who'd you use?
607
00:34:05,527 --> 00:34:08,531
Jodie Foster, "Anna and the King".
608
00:34:08,531 --> 00:34:09,533
Ah. You?
609
00:34:11,536 --> 00:34:14,540
Uh, Matthew Mcconaughey in "A Time to Kill".
610
00:34:15,041 --> 00:34:17,044
Mmm. Too bad we didn't use "Contact",
611
00:34:17,044 --> 00:34:18,547
we could've been in the same movie.
612
00:34:18,547 --> 00:34:20,048
Yeah.
613
00:34:24,556 --> 00:34:27,560
Well, we... we have our success story.
614
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,062
Yay us.
615
00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:42,081
You're one hot little fucker.
616
00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:43,584
You're pretty hot yourself.
617
00:34:46,087 --> 00:34:48,089
Oh, yeah.
618
00:34:48,089 --> 00:34:49,592
Go on, lick it.
619
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:55,601
That's it.
620
00:34:59,106 --> 00:35:01,109
You're hotter than the guy I had last week.
621
00:35:02,612 --> 00:35:04,615
Is that so?
622
00:35:04,615 --> 00:35:06,618
He wanted to put me in short pants and spank me.
623
00:35:07,119 --> 00:35:08,621
I want to do a lot more than that.
624
00:35:10,123 --> 00:35:11,125
Like what?
625
00:35:12,126 --> 00:35:14,129
Like how about I show you?
626
00:35:30,654 --> 00:35:32,657
Hey, you better hurry, though.
627
00:35:35,161 --> 00:35:37,164
What's the rush?
628
00:35:37,164 --> 00:35:40,168
I've got a stupid curfew if you can believe it.
629
00:35:40,168 --> 00:35:41,671
My parents want me home by midnight.
630
00:35:43,674 --> 00:35:46,177
You... you live with your parents?
631
00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:47,679
Where else would I live?
632
00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:48,681
I'm 17.
633
00:35:51,686 --> 00:35:52,687
You're 17?
634
00:35:54,189 --> 00:35:57,194
So, how do you get into bars?
635
00:35:57,194 --> 00:35:59,698
Duh! Like a fake I.D.
636
00:36:01,199 --> 00:36:02,200
I don't tell my dad though.
637
00:36:02,702 --> 00:36:04,705
He goes totally psycho.
638
00:36:04,705 --> 00:36:07,208
Like he did when he found out I was gay.
639
00:36:07,208 --> 00:36:11,214
Mmm, your... your dad went psycho?
640
00:36:11,214 --> 00:36:13,718
He went after the guy I was fucking at the time.
641
00:36:13,718 --> 00:36:15,220
Turned him in to the police.
642
00:36:16,723 --> 00:36:18,225
Uh, the police?
643
00:36:18,225 --> 00:36:19,226
He'll be out in 10 years.
644
00:36:25,737 --> 00:36:27,239
If he knew I was here...
645
00:36:29,743 --> 00:36:30,745
Now, how would he know?
646
00:36:32,246 --> 00:36:34,250
Oh. There's no way.
647
00:36:36,253 --> 00:36:37,254
Unless I told him.
648
00:36:39,257 --> 00:36:42,261
But you wouldn't do that, would you?
649
00:36:43,763 --> 00:36:44,764
Of course not.
650
00:36:47,769 --> 00:36:49,772
I would never do anything like that.
651
00:36:52,275 --> 00:36:54,278
Provided you do something for me.
652
00:36:56,281 --> 00:36:58,284
Remember, let me do the talking.
653
00:36:58,284 --> 00:37:00,789
Yeah. You always do.
654
00:37:00,789 --> 00:37:03,292
And when the investigator from
H.R. asks you something,
655
00:37:03,292 --> 00:37:05,295
- confer with me first.
- I got it.
656
00:37:12,306 --> 00:37:13,809
Listen, however this plays out...
657
00:37:15,311 --> 00:37:16,312
thanks.
658
00:37:18,315 --> 00:37:19,818
You didn't have to help me.
You could have said "fuck you".
659
00:37:20,819 --> 00:37:21,820
I know.
660
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:27,829
Here you are, I was looking for you.
661
00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:28,831
This is, uh...
662
00:37:29,331 --> 00:37:30,333
Morty Ryder, my boss.
663
00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:32,336
This is Melanie Marcus, my attorney.
664
00:37:32,336 --> 00:37:34,339
Nice to meet you.
665
00:37:34,339 --> 00:37:36,843
Look Liberty Air was just awarded a
new route into La Guardia.
666
00:37:36,843 --> 00:37:39,347
They're taking on the majors in the Northeast.
667
00:37:39,347 --> 00:37:40,848
So?
668
00:37:41,349 --> 00:37:43,352
So, they want to go national with your campaign.
669
00:37:43,352 --> 00:37:45,355
You've got a lot of work to do.
670
00:37:45,355 --> 00:37:46,858
What about the hearing?
671
00:37:46,858 --> 00:37:49,361
Forget about the hearing.
That matter's been dropped.
672
00:37:49,361 --> 00:37:50,362
Dropped?
673
00:37:50,362 --> 00:37:51,865
What happened?
674
00:37:51,865 --> 00:37:53,868
Damned if I know, and who the hell cares?
675
00:37:53,868 --> 00:37:55,370
Be in my office in five minutes.
676
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,381
Un-fucking-believable.
677
00:38:04,383 --> 00:38:07,388
Jesus! What are you, Mr. Teflon?
678
00:38:07,388 --> 00:38:09,892
Shit just never sticks to you.
679
00:38:18,906 --> 00:38:20,408
I don't know how to...
like, you or Emmett,
680
00:38:20,408 --> 00:38:22,912
but you might like to join a bowling league.
681
00:38:22,912 --> 00:38:23,914
Just the guys.
682
00:38:24,915 --> 00:38:26,417
Oh, look, there he is.
683
00:38:31,425 --> 00:38:32,927
You know, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
684
00:38:33,428 --> 00:38:34,930
Let's just get out of here.
685
00:38:38,936 --> 00:38:41,438
Well, this is a surprise.
686
00:38:42,941 --> 00:38:44,944
Welcome to "see the light".
687
00:38:44,944 --> 00:38:46,446
The way some of these people dress,
688
00:38:46,446 --> 00:38:47,948
They should change it to "turn off the light".
689
00:38:50,953 --> 00:38:52,956
So what is this, like, an intervention?
690
00:38:52,956 --> 00:38:55,459
You're going to kidnap me
and throw me in the back of a van?
691
00:38:55,459 --> 00:38:57,463
I'll tell you right now,
I'm not getting in any van.
692
00:38:57,964 --> 00:38:58,965
There's no van.
693
00:38:58,965 --> 00:39:00,968
I don't get a van?
694
00:39:00,968 --> 00:39:02,972
You'd think, at the very least,
you could rent a van.
695
00:39:02,972 --> 00:39:05,475
Look, it's just us, okay?
696
00:39:05,976 --> 00:39:06,978
And we came here to...
697
00:39:10,984 --> 00:39:12,987
I don't know why the fuck we're here but,
you know...
698
00:39:12,987 --> 00:39:14,990
Emmett, we... we tried talking to you,
699
00:39:14,990 --> 00:39:16,993
we tried reasoning with you.
700
00:39:16,993 --> 00:39:19,496
We sent a porn star.
701
00:39:19,496 --> 00:39:21,499
- $1,000. I know.
- It's okay. Just let it go.
702
00:39:24,003 --> 00:39:25,505
Come on, everyone, let's, uh,
703
00:39:25,505 --> 00:39:27,508
form our circle of light, hmm?
704
00:39:28,009 --> 00:39:30,012
We just...
705
00:39:30,512 --> 00:39:32,015
We wanted to let you know that
we still love you.
706
00:39:33,517 --> 00:39:35,520
Maybe not as much as Jesus,
707
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:36,521
but...
708
00:39:37,522 --> 00:39:38,524
almost.
709
00:39:41,028 --> 00:39:43,531
And that we're going to miss you.
710
00:39:43,531 --> 00:39:46,036
Especially miss the way you dance
with your hands over your head,
711
00:39:46,036 --> 00:39:48,539
and your Liza impersonation. That's...
712
00:39:48,539 --> 00:39:51,043
that's the way I'll always remember you.
713
00:39:51,043 --> 00:39:53,046
Thanks.
714
00:39:53,547 --> 00:39:56,051
I don't think God appreciates it
quite as much as you do.
715
00:39:56,051 --> 00:39:58,054
Oh, I think God appreciates it even more...
716
00:40:01,059 --> 00:40:04,062
because He created you in His image.
717
00:40:04,062 --> 00:40:06,065
At least that's what I was always taught.
718
00:40:07,567 --> 00:40:09,570
And since God is love and...
719
00:40:09,570 --> 00:40:11,573
God doesn't make mistakes, then...
720
00:40:11,573 --> 00:40:13,076
you must be exactly...
721
00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,081
the way He wants you to be,
722
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:18,084
the way He intended you to be.
723
00:40:20,087 --> 00:40:22,590
And that goes for every person, every...
724
00:40:24,093 --> 00:40:25,595
planet, every mountain, every...
725
00:40:27,098 --> 00:40:29,101
grain of sand, every song...
726
00:40:31,604 --> 00:40:32,606
every tear...
727
00:40:35,609 --> 00:40:37,112
and every faggot.
728
00:40:41,619 --> 00:40:44,122
We're all His, emmett.
729
00:40:47,627 --> 00:40:48,628
He loves us all.
730
00:40:56,641 --> 00:40:57,642
Goodbye, Em.
731
00:41:17,673 --> 00:41:19,176
We're about to get started.
732
00:41:32,694 --> 00:41:34,697
I always feel like it's rejuvenated,
733
00:41:35,198 --> 00:41:35,699
it's a new week.
734
00:41:39,705 --> 00:41:42,209
Come into our circle of light, hmm?
735
00:41:44,713 --> 00:41:48,218
We like to start every meeting with a success story.
736
00:41:50,221 --> 00:41:55,729
And tonight I just feel that
Emmett and Heather
737
00:41:55,729 --> 00:41:57,733
have a success story,
738
00:41:57,733 --> 00:41:59,736
- don't you?
- Hmmm? Great! Let's hear it.
739
00:42:11,753 --> 00:42:14,758
You've got to be careful with those, huh?
740
00:42:14,758 --> 00:42:17,762
Yeah, they're pretty valuable,
so you got to protect them from the light.
741
00:42:25,274 --> 00:42:27,277
Uh, you must be still mad at me, huh?
742
00:42:30,781 --> 00:42:32,284
No.
743
00:42:32,784 --> 00:42:33,786
I'm not mad at you.
744
00:42:37,292 --> 00:42:39,795
Well, I want you to know that
I'm sorry that I lied.
745
00:42:40,797 --> 00:42:42,299
I'm sorry too.
746
00:42:45,303 --> 00:42:48,308
- I...
- Sometimes I get, uh...
747
00:42:49,810 --> 00:42:52,314
I guess I just get a little worked up
748
00:42:52,314 --> 00:42:53,816
over, uh...
749
00:42:53,816 --> 00:42:54,817
Brian?
750
00:42:55,819 --> 00:42:56,820
Over Brian.
751
00:43:01,828 --> 00:43:03,831
I've known him practically my entire life.
752
00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,335
I... I can't just stop seeing him.
753
00:43:06,335 --> 00:43:07,337
You shouldn't have to.
754
00:43:10,342 --> 00:43:12,345
You should feel free to
see whoever you want to see.
755
00:43:13,846 --> 00:43:15,349
After all, this is a relationship.
756
00:43:15,349 --> 00:43:17,853
It's not a maximum security lock-up.
757
00:43:29,869 --> 00:43:32,874
So you and Brian getting the band back together?
758
00:43:33,375 --> 00:43:35,878
No, I think the Backstreet Boys
have usurped our former glory.
759
00:43:37,881 --> 00:43:38,883
Hey.
760
00:43:40,386 --> 00:43:41,387
You want to go out tonight?
761
00:43:41,888 --> 00:43:43,390
Well, sure.
762
00:43:43,390 --> 00:43:44,392
You go.
763
00:43:44,892 --> 00:43:47,397
- Well, what about you?
- No.
764
00:43:47,397 --> 00:43:49,900
I'm not in the mood. I'll stay here.
765
00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:51,903
You go. You dance.
766
00:43:51,903 --> 00:43:53,406
And you torture all those boys
767
00:43:53,406 --> 00:43:56,410
with your sculpted torso.
768
00:43:56,410 --> 00:43:57,912
And then you come home to me.
769
00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:03,421
I think I have a better idea.
770
00:45:02,008 --> 00:45:05,012
A cosmopolitan. How cosmopolitan.
771
00:45:07,015 --> 00:45:09,520
Emmett used to say, "In Pittsburgh,
772
00:45:10,020 --> 00:45:11,021
it's as close as you can get."
773
00:45:13,526 --> 00:45:15,529
I know how much you're going to miss him.
774
00:45:18,032 --> 00:45:20,537
Actually, you don't...
775
00:45:20,537 --> 00:45:24,041
but, uh, I appreciate the sentiment.
776
00:45:24,041 --> 00:45:25,542
How about a dance?
777
00:45:27,044 --> 00:45:29,047
Nah, It'd just remind me of him.
778
00:45:29,047 --> 00:45:30,550
Another drink?
779
00:45:30,550 --> 00:45:32,052
I'd start to cry.
780
00:45:37,060 --> 00:45:38,562
You're losing your shirt.
781
00:45:39,564 --> 00:45:43,069
- You almost lost yours.
- Ah, yeah.
782
00:45:43,069 --> 00:45:45,072
I still have no idea why he dropped the suit.
783
00:45:47,075 --> 00:45:47,576
It's a mystery.
784
00:45:49,078 --> 00:45:52,083
I guess I'll just have to be
more careful who I fuck.
785
00:45:53,585 --> 00:45:57,592
Lucky for you, I turn 18
tomorrow.
786
00:45:57,592 --> 00:45:59,093
What do you want for your birthday?
787
00:46:04,101 --> 00:46:07,105
What about a nice, stiff dick?
788
00:46:10,109 --> 00:46:13,114
Now you're starting to sound like him.
789
00:46:13,114 --> 00:46:15,117
I'll always remember how he used to say,
790
00:46:15,117 --> 00:46:17,621
"It's just not sex without...
791
00:46:17,621 --> 00:46:19,123
Without something up your butt.
792
00:46:21,626 --> 00:46:23,630
Oh no, now you've come to Babylon to proselytize.
793
00:46:23,630 --> 00:46:25,131
That's not why we're here.
794
00:46:25,131 --> 00:46:27,636
We've seen the light.
795
00:46:27,636 --> 00:46:28,637
- We know!
- We know!
796
00:46:30,139 --> 00:46:31,642
A different light.
797
00:46:31,642 --> 00:46:33,645
What about your success story?
798
00:46:33,645 --> 00:46:35,147
Oh, we're a success story.
799
00:46:35,147 --> 00:46:38,653
- Oh?
- We shared it with the group.
800
00:46:38,653 --> 00:46:41,657
I told them,
801
00:46:41,657 --> 00:46:44,662
some of us are meant to eat pussy,
802
00:46:44,662 --> 00:46:46,664
and some of us are meant to suck cock.
803
00:46:48,166 --> 00:46:49,669
But either way...
804
00:46:50,169 --> 00:46:51,170
God loves us.
805
00:46:52,673 --> 00:46:55,678
They agreed that God loves us.
806
00:46:55,678 --> 00:46:57,681
And then they told us to get the fuck out.
807
00:47:00,184 --> 00:47:01,687
Then you're really back?
808
00:47:01,687 --> 00:47:03,690
Honey, my flame has been rekindled,
809
00:47:03,690 --> 00:47:05,693
and is burning brighter than ever.
810
00:47:13,204 --> 00:47:15,207
Oh! Oh, sorry.
811
00:47:15,709 --> 00:47:17,210
- Sorry.
- I'm not.
812
00:47:28,225 --> 00:47:29,227
Come on, you.
813
00:47:41,747 --> 00:47:45,251
Do you feel that gay thump-thump?
814
00:47:45,747 --> 00:47:47,751
I miss this.
57349
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