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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:42,033 Yeah, call my travel agent. 2 00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:43,834 Book me into the best resort in the Bahamas. 3 00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:46,339 The Bahamas? Why? Is South Beach over? 4 00:00:46,339 --> 00:00:49,844 No. Liberty Air is sending me there for a marketing retreat. 5 00:00:49,844 --> 00:00:51,346 Oh, so this is all work, no play? 6 00:00:52,848 --> 00:00:55,853 Oh, right. I'll just crack open the Spartacus guide. 7 00:00:56,354 --> 00:00:58,357 Hey, you got a minute? 8 00:00:58,357 --> 00:00:59,859 Yeah, we're just planning my trip. 9 00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:00,861 Well, you better hold off on that. 10 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,362 I'm sending Darren Johnson instead. 11 00:01:04,866 --> 00:01:06,368 I need for you to go home. 12 00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:08,872 If you'll just excuse me for a minute. 13 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,384 This is just until this whole harassment thing is over. 14 00:01:17,384 --> 00:01:19,888 Whatever happened to "innocent until proven guilty?" 15 00:01:19,888 --> 00:01:22,392 Look, the Liberty Air folks are conservative. 16 00:01:22,392 --> 00:01:23,894 What would they think if they found out 17 00:01:23,894 --> 00:01:26,398 that their account exec was involved in a gay sex scandal? 18 00:01:26,398 --> 00:01:28,401 You mean they wouldn't mind a straight one? 19 00:01:29,903 --> 00:01:31,906 I've also spoken with legal. 20 00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:35,412 You're going to be seeing a, uh, a rep from human resources, 21 00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:36,914 and there's going to be a... 22 00:01:36,914 --> 00:01:38,917 outside investigation, followed by a tribunal 23 00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:41,421 with a... an impartial mediator. 24 00:01:41,921 --> 00:01:43,924 When's the hanging? 25 00:01:43,924 --> 00:01:45,927 If I were you, I'd get myself a good lawyer. 26 00:01:57,445 --> 00:01:58,947 I told you not to fuck him. 27 00:01:58,947 --> 00:02:01,451 Have you ever noticed that when your mom's not waiting on us, 28 00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:04,456 the portions shrink by approximately one third? 29 00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:06,959 I said "fries". Plural. 30 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,961 Are you even listening to me? 31 00:02:08,961 --> 00:02:10,964 Yeah, I shouldn't have fucked him. 32 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,469 It's like Mr. Wertschafter fucking me. 33 00:02:13,469 --> 00:02:15,472 Mr. Wertschafter's like 72! 34 00:02:15,472 --> 00:02:18,476 Do you mind? I was trying to eat. 35 00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:21,481 You know what I mean. You don't prey on the help. 36 00:02:21,481 --> 00:02:23,983 I didn't "prey" on him. He went after me. 37 00:02:23,983 --> 00:02:25,986 Let's go to the gym. 38 00:02:25,986 --> 00:02:27,489 You'll feel better after you work out. 39 00:02:29,992 --> 00:02:32,997 - You coming? - Oh, no. 40 00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:35,000 The gym isn't the same without my workout buddy. 41 00:02:36,002 --> 00:02:37,504 We'll be your workout buddies. 42 00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,006 Emmett would let me get away with murder. 43 00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:40,509 You guys'll make me sweat. 44 00:02:40,509 --> 00:02:42,011 So we'll see you at Woody's later on? 45 00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:46,017 Ah, Woody's isn't the same without my beer buddy there, 46 00:02:46,017 --> 00:02:48,521 pointing out all the cute guys and... 47 00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,524 spilling drinks all over me. 48 00:02:50,524 --> 00:02:52,528 We'll spill drinks all over you. 49 00:02:52,528 --> 00:02:56,534 You know Emmett can't commit to anything. 50 00:02:56,534 --> 00:02:58,036 A guy, a new conditioner. 51 00:02:58,537 --> 00:03:00,039 He'll get over this too. You'll see. 52 00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:04,044 Thanks for lunch. 53 00:03:07,549 --> 00:03:09,050 So, uh, there we were the other night, 54 00:03:09,552 --> 00:03:11,555 Jim and I, sitting around watching the game. 55 00:03:11,555 --> 00:03:13,558 I'm... I'm trying to teach him football. 56 00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:17,063 She is. Can you stand it? But I'm hopeless! 57 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,067 Yeah, you are. But anyway, so there I am, 58 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:23,072 trying to explain point spreads yet again, 59 00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:25,576 when all of a sudden, uh, 60 00:03:25,576 --> 00:03:28,080 we started to look into each other's eyes. 61 00:03:28,581 --> 00:03:30,584 The next thing I know, we were kissing. 62 00:03:30,584 --> 00:03:32,086 With tongues and everything. 63 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,593 I know. Can you stand it? 64 00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:39,097 And now... well, you tell them, honey. 65 00:03:40,599 --> 00:03:41,601 We're engaged. 66 00:03:43,102 --> 00:03:44,605 Can you stand it? Can you stand it? 67 00:03:46,608 --> 00:03:49,111 Do you see the power of the work we're doing here? 68 00:03:49,111 --> 00:03:52,116 Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't possible, 69 00:03:52,116 --> 00:03:54,620 that you can't heal. 70 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:57,625 I want to hear success stories from each and every one of you. 71 00:03:57,625 --> 00:03:58,626 You can do it. 72 00:03:58,626 --> 00:04:00,629 You can do it. You can do it. 73 00:04:05,135 --> 00:04:06,637 It's inspiring, isn't it? 74 00:04:07,138 --> 00:04:08,641 Seeing people change their lives. 75 00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,645 Yeah, it gives us all hope that... 76 00:04:12,145 --> 00:04:14,650 one day we too can be a success story. 77 00:04:15,651 --> 00:04:18,656 - God, I wish I was one. - Oh, me too. 78 00:04:18,656 --> 00:04:20,158 - I'm Heather. - Uh, Emmett. 79 00:04:20,158 --> 00:04:23,162 - Hi. - Ow. Oh, nice, firm handshake. 80 00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:25,164 Sorry, I'm.... I'm working on that. 81 00:04:27,669 --> 00:04:29,672 Uh, so you're new here, huh? 82 00:04:30,172 --> 00:04:31,675 Uh, yeah. A couple of weeks. Ah. 83 00:04:31,675 --> 00:04:33,678 - You? - Uh, six months. 84 00:04:34,178 --> 00:04:36,683 - Has it helped? - I'm getting there, 85 00:04:36,683 --> 00:04:39,186 but it's a long road. 86 00:04:39,186 --> 00:04:43,192 You see, I first lost sight of the light back in college. 87 00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:45,696 I fell in love with one of my sorority sisters, 88 00:04:45,696 --> 00:04:47,198 Jeannie. 89 00:04:47,198 --> 00:04:49,703 I taught her how to play golf at my parents' country club. 90 00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:52,206 And then one night it just happened. 91 00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:56,212 We made love on the 18th Green. 92 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,716 God! Oh, I still remember that hole. 93 00:05:01,219 --> 00:05:04,222 But then, uh, she got engaged to a golf pro 94 00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:06,727 and moved to Pinehurst, North Carolina. 95 00:05:06,727 --> 00:05:07,728 Sorry. 96 00:05:07,728 --> 00:05:11,233 When she left, I thought I would die. 97 00:05:11,233 --> 00:05:14,739 And I tried to get over it by going from woman to woman. 98 00:05:14,739 --> 00:05:17,242 And I started to wonder how I ended up 99 00:05:17,242 --> 00:05:19,245 in such darkness. 100 00:05:20,748 --> 00:05:22,751 And that's when I started to find my way back to the light. 101 00:05:24,253 --> 00:05:25,255 What about you? 102 00:05:27,258 --> 00:05:28,761 I made a promise to God. 103 00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:30,262 Oh, far out! 104 00:05:30,262 --> 00:05:33,768 I mean, you know I... I really think he hears us, you know. 105 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:34,770 - Yeah. - Yeah. 106 00:05:36,773 --> 00:05:40,278 Uh, so, what do you say, 107 00:05:40,278 --> 00:05:42,281 maybe you and me go out together some time? 108 00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:46,286 You mean, like on... 109 00:05:46,286 --> 00:05:47,789 on a date? 110 00:05:49,792 --> 00:05:51,294 I don't know. Uh... 111 00:05:51,294 --> 00:05:53,297 I thought you wanted to be a success story. 112 00:05:53,297 --> 00:05:54,800 More than anything. 113 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,803 Well then let's go for it. 114 00:05:56,803 --> 00:05:58,805 Tomorrow night. I'll pick you up at 8:00. 115 00:05:58,805 --> 00:05:59,806 All right. Okay 116 00:06:00,307 --> 00:06:01,809 8:00's great. But, um... 117 00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:03,311 aren't I supposed to pick you up? 118 00:06:03,812 --> 00:06:04,814 Oh. Ow! 119 00:06:04,814 --> 00:06:07,819 Yeah. Huh, right. Okay. 120 00:06:12,325 --> 00:06:13,828 Whipped you up a little snack. 121 00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:18,836 "A little snack" is a handful of Captain Crunch. 122 00:06:19,336 --> 00:06:20,839 I'm fresh out of Captain Crunch. 123 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,342 This is a little penne, sun-dried tomato. 124 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:26,346 That's a white wine cream sauce with arugula, 125 00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:27,848 and a witty little merlot. 126 00:06:30,352 --> 00:06:32,856 Oh. It's hot! 127 00:06:33,356 --> 00:06:35,359 I burn... I burned my tongue. 128 00:06:35,359 --> 00:06:36,862 Well let me cool it down for you. 129 00:06:42,370 --> 00:06:44,373 That better not be who I think it is. 130 00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:47,378 It's Ted. 131 00:06:47,378 --> 00:06:48,881 Hey, am I disturbing you? 132 00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:50,383 Well... all right, 133 00:06:50,383 --> 00:06:51,885 so I'm lying in bed. 134 00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:53,888 I'm watching this porno flick, right? It's terrible. 135 00:06:53,888 --> 00:06:56,391 These two guys are fucking and eating pasta at the same time. 136 00:06:56,391 --> 00:06:58,394 Like anyone would really do that, right? 137 00:06:58,394 --> 00:06:59,897 Uh-huh. 138 00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,398 When Brian calls. 139 00:07:01,398 --> 00:07:02,400 Oh-oh. 140 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,403 I think he's kind of freaking out. 141 00:07:04,403 --> 00:07:05,905 Freaking out? 142 00:07:05,905 --> 00:07:07,908 Yeah. He wanted me to tell him, as his accountant, 143 00:07:07,908 --> 00:07:09,911 how long he could go without a job. 144 00:07:09,911 --> 00:07:10,913 And what did you tell him? 145 00:07:10,913 --> 00:07:13,917 The way he spends? Two months, tops. 146 00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,920 And what did he say? 147 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,923 He thanked me very much 148 00:07:17,923 --> 00:07:20,928 for being such a wonderful and compassionate friend. 149 00:07:20,928 --> 00:07:22,931 Oh, my God, he is freaking out. 150 00:07:24,934 --> 00:07:25,936 I'll call you later. 151 00:07:25,936 --> 00:07:26,937 All right. 152 00:07:32,946 --> 00:07:33,948 Yeah! 153 00:07:35,951 --> 00:07:37,954 What's the matter? 154 00:07:37,954 --> 00:07:40,457 It's Brian. I've got to call him... 155 00:07:40,457 --> 00:07:42,461 David, you don't understand. 156 00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,464 He's gonna go broke. He's gonna lose his job. 157 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,467 You don't understand. 158 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,472 We're not going to have a relationship like Melanie and Lindsay. 159 00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:52,475 Of course we're not. 160 00:07:52,475 --> 00:07:54,477 We're not lesbians. 161 00:07:54,477 --> 00:07:55,479 I mean... 162 00:07:57,983 --> 00:08:00,486 there's only room in this... 163 00:08:00,486 --> 00:08:03,992 house, our house, our bed, our life, 164 00:08:03,992 --> 00:08:06,997 for you and me, not for you and me and Brian. 165 00:08:06,997 --> 00:08:07,998 I know. 166 00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:14,508 Promise me that you won't involve yourself 167 00:08:14,508 --> 00:08:16,511 in his problems. He's made his own bed. 168 00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:21,018 Now he can get sued in it. 169 00:08:25,525 --> 00:08:28,028 Let me get this straight. You fuck up my life, 170 00:08:28,028 --> 00:08:30,031 you destroy my relationship, 171 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,534 and now you have the astonishing, breathtaking gall 172 00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,037 to ask me to represent you? 173 00:08:34,037 --> 00:08:36,040 Yeah. And I'll pay too. 174 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,043 Oh, keep your money, because from what I hear, 175 00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:40,047 you're going to need it. 176 00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:45,054 Fine. Homophobic corporate America wins again. 177 00:08:45,054 --> 00:08:47,558 Oh, please. You could hang a sign on your office door 178 00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:50,562 saying "blow jobs, 10 cents" and you'd still have it better 179 00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:52,064 than any woman or person of colour 180 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,067 because guess what? You're a white man. 181 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,072 Which still counts for something in this country. 182 00:08:57,072 --> 00:08:58,073 Thanks. 183 00:09:00,577 --> 00:09:02,079 All right, just for laughs, 184 00:09:02,079 --> 00:09:04,082 give me your version of the story. 185 00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,585 He wanted it, I gave it to him. 186 00:09:06,585 --> 00:09:08,588 Like I asked for, short but sweet. 187 00:09:08,588 --> 00:09:10,591 - It wasn't that short.. - And where 188 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:14,097 did this act of selfless generosity take place? 189 00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:16,600 In my office and in my loft. 190 00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:19,605 So he couldn't have minded it too much if he came back for more. Go on. 191 00:09:19,605 --> 00:09:21,608 Then he asked me to help him get a promotion. 192 00:09:21,608 --> 00:09:23,611 - What did you tell him? - I told him he wasn't ready. 193 00:09:24,112 --> 00:09:25,114 How did he take it? 194 00:09:25,114 --> 00:09:26,616 How do you think? 195 00:09:26,616 --> 00:09:29,120 He felt because we were both gay, 196 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,126 and we'd fucked, that somehow he was entitled to a free ride. 197 00:09:33,126 --> 00:09:34,128 I didn't agree. 198 00:09:34,128 --> 00:09:35,629 How many tricks do you have a month? 199 00:09:36,631 --> 00:09:37,632 20, 30. 200 00:09:38,134 --> 00:09:39,636 Jesus, what a life. 201 00:09:39,636 --> 00:09:42,140 What does the number of guys I do have to do with it? 202 00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:44,143 Well for once, the fact that you screw everything that moves 203 00:09:44,143 --> 00:09:46,645 is your finest quality and your best defense. 204 00:09:46,645 --> 00:09:50,150 You didn't have to abuse your position at work in order to get laid. 205 00:09:50,150 --> 00:09:52,153 "The fuck defense"? 206 00:09:52,654 --> 00:09:55,158 We've got to prove that when this kid didn't get what he wanted, 207 00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:57,161 he decided to use the law in order to get even. 208 00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:00,166 Then you'll take the case? 209 00:10:05,173 --> 00:10:07,176 Look, not that I give a shit about saving your ass, 210 00:10:07,176 --> 00:10:09,179 but it might be amusing to have you indebted to me 211 00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:10,681 for the rest of your life. 212 00:10:21,198 --> 00:10:22,700 Do it. 213 00:10:29,709 --> 00:10:30,711 - Do it. - Do it. 214 00:10:38,723 --> 00:10:39,725 - Do it.. - Do it. 215 00:10:48,738 --> 00:10:50,241 Do the hustle. 216 00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,752 Do you mind? 217 00:10:58,253 --> 00:10:59,254 What's the matter, princess? 218 00:10:59,254 --> 00:11:01,257 I'm trying to do my homework. 219 00:11:01,257 --> 00:11:03,761 Well, excuse us! 220 00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:10,270 Hey. 221 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,273 Hey, Mikey. 222 00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:22,289 What are they doing? 223 00:11:22,289 --> 00:11:23,791 Reliving their youth. 224 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:26,295 Do the hustle! 225 00:11:27,797 --> 00:11:29,800 You people are so weird. 226 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,804 Well, if you don't like it, why don't you just go up to your room? 227 00:11:32,804 --> 00:11:34,808 Oh, let me rephrase that, "my room". 228 00:11:34,808 --> 00:11:36,811 Would you let it go, already? 229 00:11:36,811 --> 00:11:37,812 Yeah, Mikey. 230 00:11:37,812 --> 00:11:40,817 You're a doctor's wife now. 231 00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:42,320 That's right. 232 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,323 And to think I used to worry that you'd be spending your life 233 00:11:44,323 --> 00:11:46,825 following after... what's-his-name? 234 00:11:46,825 --> 00:11:48,327 Would you leave Brian out of this? 235 00:11:48,827 --> 00:11:49,829 He's got enough shit to deal with. 236 00:11:51,331 --> 00:11:52,833 What kind of shit? 237 00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:56,339 Some guy at work is suing him for sexual harassment. 238 00:11:56,339 --> 00:11:58,342 It's really serious. He could lose everything. 239 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,849 I knew some day he'd stick his dick where it didn't belong. 240 00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,353 Well, we've got to do something. 241 00:12:05,353 --> 00:12:07,356 Sunshine, I don't think there's anything you can do. 242 00:12:07,356 --> 00:12:08,858 I'm afraid... 243 00:12:10,361 --> 00:12:12,364 Brian's fucked the last person he should have... 244 00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:14,867 himself. 245 00:12:18,373 --> 00:12:19,374 I'm sorry, honey. 246 00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:25,384 You're his best friend. 247 00:12:25,384 --> 00:12:26,886 You should do something. 248 00:12:27,387 --> 00:12:28,888 I would do something if I could. 249 00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:31,392 Just mind your own business. 250 00:12:40,906 --> 00:12:42,408 Dr. Cameron, please. 251 00:12:42,408 --> 00:12:43,409 It's Michael. 252 00:12:46,914 --> 00:12:48,917 Hey! 253 00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:51,922 Listen, um, I know we had plans tonight, but, uh, 254 00:12:51,922 --> 00:12:53,925 My mom's got this... she's not feeling well. 255 00:12:53,925 --> 00:12:58,432 She's got this flu-cough-fever-cold kind of a thing, 256 00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:01,437 yeah, you know? And I thought I'd, you know, 257 00:13:01,437 --> 00:13:04,442 stick around, and, uh, keep her company. 258 00:13:08,447 --> 00:13:09,949 Fuck you. 259 00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:11,952 Look, I just want you to know 260 00:13:11,952 --> 00:13:14,956 - that I'm really sorry about this. - Really? 261 00:13:14,956 --> 00:13:16,959 That makes me feel a lot better. 262 00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:18,963 Uh, I... I had no choice. If... 263 00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:21,467 if I didn't do what you wanted, you'd have fired me. 264 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,470 No, you just tried to get ahead by giving head, 265 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,975 which, by the way, you're not very good at. 266 00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:30,481 Huh! We obviously remember things very differently. 267 00:13:30,481 --> 00:13:31,482 Yeah! 268 00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:32,984 I remember what happened. 269 00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,495 If I could propose something... 270 00:13:41,497 --> 00:13:44,501 I'd be more than willing to forget the whole thing if... 271 00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:47,506 you'll say you're sorry, and reconsider me for that position. 272 00:13:47,506 --> 00:13:50,510 You know, you have a real talent for propositions. 273 00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:52,011 Would you mind not standing so close? 274 00:13:52,011 --> 00:13:53,514 Why? 275 00:13:54,014 --> 00:13:56,017 You worried something might happen? 276 00:13:56,017 --> 00:13:58,021 Like I might use my position of power 277 00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,024 to take advantage of your tight little asshole? 278 00:14:00,024 --> 00:14:01,025 God! 279 00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:09,037 Get out of my office. 280 00:14:15,047 --> 00:14:16,550 You know, I never realized till seeing it with you 281 00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:19,554 That "A Night at the Opera" was such an epic tragedy. 282 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:22,057 I'm sorry. It's just that last Halloween, 283 00:14:22,057 --> 00:14:25,062 Lindsay went as Groucho and I went as Harpo. 284 00:14:27,065 --> 00:14:28,568 Well, that explains it. 285 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,573 Oh God, 286 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,578 nothing personal, but I just wish she was here. 287 00:14:36,579 --> 00:14:37,580 I understand. 288 00:14:39,583 --> 00:14:41,586 Most of my dates wish they were with someone else. 289 00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:44,089 Oh, don't say that. 290 00:14:44,089 --> 00:14:47,595 - You're a real catch. - I know. 291 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,099 Just my luck, lesbians find me irresistible. 292 00:14:58,111 --> 00:14:59,614 - Holy shit! - What? 293 00:15:01,115 --> 00:15:02,618 I got you all excited? 294 00:15:04,621 --> 00:15:05,623 I don't believe it. 295 00:15:05,623 --> 00:15:08,126 Ted... 296 00:15:08,126 --> 00:15:09,128 Melanie, hi. 297 00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:12,131 Um, this is Heather. 298 00:15:12,131 --> 00:15:13,634 My date. 299 00:15:13,634 --> 00:15:16,138 - I'm sorry, I thought you said... - He did. 300 00:15:16,639 --> 00:15:18,642 We're going for pizza. You want to double? 301 00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:20,144 - Double? - Yeah. 302 00:15:20,144 --> 00:15:21,647 They're not really a couple, Heather. 303 00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:25,653 - I'm a homo. - And I'm a lesbo. 304 00:15:25,653 --> 00:15:27,656 Oh. 305 00:15:27,656 --> 00:15:30,660 I thought from the hug that maybe you were normal. 306 00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,162 We are. 307 00:15:32,162 --> 00:15:34,165 What the hell's gotten into you? 308 00:15:34,165 --> 00:15:35,667 He's seen the light. 309 00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:38,170 Where are they shining it? Up your ass? 310 00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:41,175 "See the light" is helping us build a... 311 00:15:41,175 --> 00:15:44,180 happy, heterosexual life. 312 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:47,184 Yeah, well while you're at it, why don't you ask the wizard for a brain? 313 00:15:47,184 --> 00:15:48,687 I'm so glad that we amuse you. 314 00:15:48,687 --> 00:15:51,189 Who's amused? I'm outraged! 315 00:15:51,691 --> 00:15:53,193 Just ignore her, Heather, she doesn't understand. 316 00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:54,695 I understand you assholes 317 00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:57,199 are setting back the gay rights movement about 50 years. 318 00:15:58,701 --> 00:16:01,205 Come on, Emmett, I don't think I care for your friends. 319 00:16:04,711 --> 00:16:05,712 Emmett, wait. 320 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,219 Can we at least get together sometime? 321 00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,726 Sure. Um, if you ever want to... 322 00:16:16,228 --> 00:16:16,729 see the light... 323 00:16:18,231 --> 00:16:19,233 come to a meeting. 324 00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,753 I thought you might be a little hungry. 325 00:16:33,753 --> 00:16:35,255 A little? 326 00:16:35,756 --> 00:16:37,759 Do you know what we'd turn into if we ate all that? 327 00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:39,763 A couple of fat, flabby fags 328 00:16:39,763 --> 00:16:42,266 who nobody would want to fuck, ever. 329 00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:43,769 Ah. Let's dig in. 330 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,776 Mmm, you know what I remember from high school? 331 00:16:48,776 --> 00:16:51,280 The time in biology class 332 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,284 when you beat off in a test tube for your science project? 333 00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,789 No. Food. 334 00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:00,294 There was always lots of food at your house. 335 00:17:00,294 --> 00:17:02,297 That's an Italian thing. 336 00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:05,301 And there was always plenty of booze at your house. 337 00:17:05,301 --> 00:17:06,303 Yeah, huh? 338 00:17:06,303 --> 00:17:07,806 That's an Irish thing. 339 00:17:09,307 --> 00:17:10,809 What's this? 340 00:17:10,809 --> 00:17:13,313 - "Reality checklist"? - Yeah, I've been... 341 00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:16,317 thinking of simplifying my life. 342 00:17:16,317 --> 00:17:18,320 "Clothes"? 343 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,825 You... you can certainly save money on clothes. 344 00:17:22,326 --> 00:17:23,328 "Cosmetics"? 345 00:17:23,829 --> 00:17:26,834 Yeah, the French anti-aging shit costs $100 a tube and... 346 00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:27,835 I still don't look 19. 347 00:17:29,337 --> 00:17:31,841 - "Going out"? - Yeah. 348 00:17:31,841 --> 00:17:33,844 I figured I could probably survive hitting the clubs 349 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,847 five times a week instead of six. 350 00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:37,850 I don't know. That's a pretty big sacrifice. 351 00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:40,353 "Loft"? 352 00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:43,358 Yeah, well... 353 00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:45,361 what do I need this big, expensive place for, anyway? 354 00:17:46,362 --> 00:17:47,364 This is your home. 355 00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,371 Maybe it won't come to that. 356 00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,377 Hmm. Well, if it does, 357 00:17:56,377 --> 00:17:58,881 I'll just get a rich sugar daddy like the doc. 358 00:17:58,881 --> 00:18:00,383 He's not my sugar daddy. 359 00:18:02,386 --> 00:18:04,890 If I'm not careful, he might not even be my boyfriend. 360 00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:06,893 What? Trouble in paradise? 361 00:18:08,897 --> 00:18:10,398 He doesn't know I'm here. 362 00:18:12,401 --> 00:18:13,403 You're lying to him already? 363 00:18:15,406 --> 00:18:17,910 What is he afraid, I'll steal you away from him? 364 00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:18,912 Last chicken leg. 365 00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:21,415 You're the chicken hawk. 366 00:18:27,926 --> 00:18:29,427 I didn't do what they're saying. 367 00:18:31,429 --> 00:18:32,931 I just want you to know that. 368 00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:35,936 You don't have to explain. 369 00:18:38,941 --> 00:18:40,442 Hey, you know what I remember? 370 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:48,455 Senior year. We were going to be in a band. 371 00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:50,458 You were going to be the next Robert Smith. 372 00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:52,461 Yeah, well, that dream died real fast. 373 00:18:52,461 --> 00:18:53,964 We were damn good. 374 00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,970 Hey, do you still have that guitar? 375 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,476 You know, they ought to let women in this contest. 376 00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:03,979 I've got a great chest. 377 00:19:03,979 --> 00:19:06,482 Yeah, chest of drawers. 378 00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:07,985 Ooh! 379 00:19:09,487 --> 00:19:11,489 Hey! David. 380 00:19:11,489 --> 00:19:12,992 Speaking of great chests. 381 00:19:12,992 --> 00:19:14,494 Where's Michael? 382 00:19:14,494 --> 00:19:16,998 Here. He's here, isn't he? 383 00:19:16,998 --> 00:19:19,501 I haven't seen him. 384 00:19:19,501 --> 00:19:21,004 Well, he called and said that you were sick. 385 00:19:22,506 --> 00:19:24,009 He did? 386 00:19:24,009 --> 00:19:26,511 And he said he was spending the night here... 387 00:19:26,511 --> 00:19:28,014 to take care of you so... 388 00:19:28,014 --> 00:19:30,517 I thought I'd bring over some chicken soup. 389 00:19:31,019 --> 00:19:33,522 Oh, that is so thoughtful. 390 00:19:33,522 --> 00:19:35,525 And just what the doctor ordered. 391 00:19:35,525 --> 00:19:37,028 Hey, you're the doctor. 392 00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:41,534 So you're not sick? 393 00:19:43,537 --> 00:19:45,040 Well, don't sound so disappointed. 394 00:19:45,540 --> 00:19:48,545 She had a scratchy throat back in the winter of '86. 395 00:19:51,049 --> 00:19:52,050 Thank you. Yeah. 396 00:20:46,833 --> 00:20:49,337 Okay, let's go over the questions 397 00:20:49,838 --> 00:20:51,340 they're going to ask you at the hearing. 398 00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,343 - Now? - Huh! If you prefer, 399 00:20:53,343 --> 00:20:55,346 we can wait until they boot your butt out of the company. 400 00:20:55,346 --> 00:20:57,850 Yes, now. Christ, you asked me to represent you... 401 00:20:57,850 --> 00:20:58,851 Okay, fine. 402 00:21:00,354 --> 00:21:02,357 Fire away. But... 403 00:21:02,357 --> 00:21:03,859 gently. 404 00:21:05,362 --> 00:21:06,864 I said gently. 405 00:21:07,365 --> 00:21:07,865 Justin, please? 406 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:11,870 Sorry. 407 00:21:15,376 --> 00:21:17,880 Here, drink this. It's a secret recipe 408 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,883 that my alcoholic grandmother used to make. 409 00:21:22,886 --> 00:21:24,889 Jesus! It smells like a... 410 00:21:24,889 --> 00:21:26,392 dirty jockstrap. 411 00:21:26,392 --> 00:21:27,394 Well, in that case you should like it. 412 00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:34,404 The secret is she pissed in it. 413 00:21:34,404 --> 00:21:36,408 I'm just trying to help you. 414 00:21:36,908 --> 00:21:38,411 You know i'd do anything. 415 00:21:38,411 --> 00:21:40,414 Oh, Jesus, let's just pray the arbitrator's gay, 416 00:21:40,414 --> 00:21:41,916 and thinks he's cute. 417 00:21:45,922 --> 00:21:47,424 I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd... 418 00:21:47,925 --> 00:21:48,926 It's okay, neither... 419 00:21:48,926 --> 00:21:50,429 - Neither did... - I'll come back later. 420 00:21:50,429 --> 00:21:52,431 No, stay. I... I was just helping Brian with... 421 00:21:52,431 --> 00:21:53,433 I know. He told me. 422 00:21:56,437 --> 00:21:57,439 Look who's here, honey. 423 00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:06,953 Go on. 424 00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:11,961 Hey, buddy. 425 00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:19,472 Hey, sweetheart. 426 00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:20,974 He misses you. 427 00:22:29,987 --> 00:22:31,990 Look, um... 428 00:22:33,993 --> 00:22:35,495 why don't we go over this later? 429 00:22:37,498 --> 00:22:39,501 You don't have to rush off because of me. 430 00:22:47,514 --> 00:22:48,515 I have to get to work. 431 00:22:58,029 --> 00:22:59,532 Would you get this shit away from me? 432 00:23:01,535 --> 00:23:03,037 It's my grandmother's recipe. 433 00:23:03,037 --> 00:23:04,540 He's majorly hung. 434 00:23:04,540 --> 00:23:06,543 And for once, 435 00:23:06,543 --> 00:23:08,546 he's not talking about my cock. 436 00:23:08,546 --> 00:23:11,551 Oh. 437 00:23:11,551 --> 00:23:12,552 It's okay, Sonny-Boy, 438 00:23:12,552 --> 00:23:15,055 your old man will recover. 439 00:23:15,055 --> 00:23:17,057 He's not crying over you, he misses Melanie. 440 00:23:17,057 --> 00:23:19,561 Well, you just had your chance. Why didn't you beg her to come back? 441 00:23:19,561 --> 00:23:21,063 Excuse me? 442 00:23:21,063 --> 00:23:22,064 She's the one who cheated. 443 00:23:22,566 --> 00:23:24,569 Well, maybe she had reason. 444 00:23:25,069 --> 00:23:28,575 So, now you're taking her side? Huh, that's amusing, 445 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:32,581 after all the years you spent hating her, humiliating her, 446 00:23:32,581 --> 00:23:35,084 trying to force her out of our lives every chance you got. 447 00:23:35,084 --> 00:23:37,589 Well, congratulations, you finally got what you wanted. 448 00:23:37,589 --> 00:23:38,590 Yeah, that's right, 449 00:23:38,590 --> 00:23:40,092 blame me. 450 00:23:40,092 --> 00:23:41,094 Why not? 451 00:23:42,095 --> 00:23:43,097 Everybody else does. 452 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,103 Well, maybe you finally got what you wanted. 453 00:23:47,103 --> 00:23:48,606 Look, 454 00:23:48,606 --> 00:23:51,610 I'm going to have to go back to work sooner than I thought, 455 00:23:51,610 --> 00:23:53,612 which means I'll need a sitter. 456 00:23:53,612 --> 00:23:55,615 I'll do it. I'm great with Gus. 457 00:23:56,116 --> 00:23:58,620 Oh, I'm sure. Only I need someone full-time. 458 00:23:58,620 --> 00:23:59,622 Hmm. 459 00:24:02,125 --> 00:24:04,128 Justin, will you get my cheque book? 460 00:24:08,134 --> 00:24:09,136 Are you sure? 461 00:24:09,637 --> 00:24:10,639 I mean, with what's going on... 462 00:24:10,639 --> 00:24:11,640 It's not a problem. 463 00:24:13,142 --> 00:24:15,645 I said I'd look after you and Gus, and I am. 464 00:24:26,161 --> 00:24:27,162 - Thanks. - Yeah. 465 00:24:30,167 --> 00:24:31,670 Hey. 466 00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:34,673 What? 467 00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:36,677 I know I smell bad. 468 00:24:36,677 --> 00:24:37,678 It's vodka. 469 00:24:43,687 --> 00:24:45,690 - Something wrong? - No. Not at all. 470 00:24:47,693 --> 00:24:49,697 Except, could you keep the elephants from running up and down the stairs? 471 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:52,200 Excuse me? 472 00:24:52,701 --> 00:24:54,203 Nothing. 473 00:24:54,203 --> 00:24:55,706 You got in at 3:00 last night. 474 00:24:55,706 --> 00:24:57,208 I did? 475 00:24:57,709 --> 00:24:59,712 Your mother must've been really sick. 476 00:25:01,214 --> 00:25:03,217 Yeah, well you know those flu-cough... 477 00:25:03,217 --> 00:25:04,720 Fever-cold kind of things? 478 00:25:06,221 --> 00:25:08,224 Michael, I know she wasn't sick 479 00:25:08,224 --> 00:25:10,228 'cause I went over there to find you. 480 00:25:10,228 --> 00:25:12,230 - Oh, shit. - And then... 481 00:25:12,230 --> 00:25:14,232 I caught the late show at Woody's. 482 00:25:15,735 --> 00:25:17,236 Double shit. 483 00:25:17,236 --> 00:25:19,239 You know, you and Brian play pretty well together. 484 00:25:19,239 --> 00:25:21,744 The two of you... well I... Of course I shouldn't be surprised. 485 00:25:21,744 --> 00:25:24,748 I told you, Brian's going through a really tough time right now. 486 00:25:24,748 --> 00:25:26,751 Yeah, and I told you something too. 487 00:25:26,751 --> 00:25:28,253 So if this is the way it's going to be, 488 00:25:28,253 --> 00:25:30,256 you lying to me so that you can be with him... 489 00:25:31,759 --> 00:25:33,762 I think we better rethink things. 490 00:25:42,275 --> 00:25:44,779 What the fuck's the matter with you, 491 00:25:44,779 --> 00:25:46,782 lying to David, telling him I was sick? 492 00:25:46,782 --> 00:25:48,284 I didn't know what to say. 493 00:25:48,785 --> 00:25:50,287 - And that was a first. - Shut up. 494 00:25:50,788 --> 00:25:52,290 All right, I made a mistake. 495 00:25:52,290 --> 00:25:54,794 You're damn right you did. And you keep this up, 496 00:25:54,794 --> 00:25:55,795 you're going to blow it, you hear me? 497 00:25:55,795 --> 00:25:58,298 I already said I was wrong, okay? 498 00:25:58,298 --> 00:26:01,303 If you want to torture someone, go to the "S and M" bar across the street. 499 00:26:03,306 --> 00:26:05,309 What's with you guys, anyway? 500 00:26:05,309 --> 00:26:07,814 This is supposed to be a gay bar, remember? 501 00:26:09,816 --> 00:26:11,819 I saw Emmett last night, with this woman. 502 00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:16,826 At least that's how she purported to represent herself. 503 00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,829 He really is going straight. 504 00:26:18,829 --> 00:26:20,331 And so are we. 505 00:26:20,331 --> 00:26:22,836 Straight to hell, according to them. 506 00:26:22,836 --> 00:26:24,839 Yeah, but doesn't he know that every reputable 507 00:26:24,839 --> 00:26:27,843 psychological study done within the past 25 years 508 00:26:27,843 --> 00:26:30,347 emphatically states that a person's sexual orientation 509 00:26:30,347 --> 00:26:31,849 is determined by age of six, 510 00:26:31,849 --> 00:26:33,853 sometimes even before birth, 511 00:26:33,853 --> 00:26:35,353 and it's completely unalterable? 512 00:26:35,353 --> 00:26:36,856 You tell 'em, Sunshine. 513 00:26:36,856 --> 00:26:39,861 A leopard can't change his stripes. 514 00:26:39,861 --> 00:26:41,864 Either can a queer. 515 00:26:41,864 --> 00:26:42,865 You know, 516 00:26:42,865 --> 00:26:44,367 it's a nasty world out there. 517 00:26:44,868 --> 00:26:48,875 So, if Emmett hasn't got the guts to be gay, 518 00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:50,878 then I say fuck him. 519 00:26:51,378 --> 00:26:52,881 You know, he's still our friend. 520 00:26:54,884 --> 00:26:56,386 I just can't let him go that easily. 521 00:26:57,888 --> 00:26:59,390 Can I get a stoli on the rocks? 522 00:27:21,422 --> 00:27:23,926 Haven't I seen you before? 523 00:27:23,926 --> 00:27:25,428 That's original. 524 00:27:25,930 --> 00:27:27,431 And the answer is, "No, I don't think so." 525 00:27:28,934 --> 00:27:31,939 No. It was the other night, at Babylon. 526 00:27:33,441 --> 00:27:33,942 I remember you. 527 00:27:35,444 --> 00:27:37,948 Well, I don't remember you. 528 00:27:52,971 --> 00:27:54,473 Working late, doc? 529 00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:57,978 Catching up on some paperwork. 530 00:28:00,481 --> 00:28:03,486 So I hear you have a problem. 531 00:28:03,486 --> 00:28:07,491 Yeah, I've got this pain in my ass. 532 00:28:07,992 --> 00:28:09,494 Maybe it's from over-exertion. 533 00:28:09,494 --> 00:28:11,497 Maybe it's you. 534 00:28:11,497 --> 00:28:14,502 So how can I help alleviate your condition? 535 00:28:14,502 --> 00:28:16,005 You can lay off Mikey. 536 00:28:16,505 --> 00:28:17,506 Well, my prescription for that 537 00:28:18,008 --> 00:28:19,509 would be for you to mind your own business. 538 00:28:19,509 --> 00:28:21,512 He is my business. 539 00:28:21,512 --> 00:28:24,017 And he's going to be my business, long after you're gone. 540 00:28:24,517 --> 00:28:26,520 I'm not going anywhere. 541 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,525 Although I did hear that you may be on your way out. 542 00:28:29,525 --> 00:28:31,028 Who told you that? 543 00:28:31,028 --> 00:28:33,031 Practically everyone, 544 00:28:34,532 --> 00:28:36,535 although that's not our concern. 545 00:28:36,535 --> 00:28:38,538 Your better half thinks differently. 546 00:28:38,538 --> 00:28:41,042 I told my "better half" to stay out of it. 547 00:28:41,042 --> 00:28:42,544 By forbidding him to see me? 548 00:28:44,047 --> 00:28:45,548 You know, 549 00:28:45,548 --> 00:28:47,051 that's not how you're going to keep him. 550 00:28:48,553 --> 00:28:50,056 That's how you're going to lose him. 551 00:28:55,564 --> 00:28:57,067 You know, doc, 552 00:28:57,067 --> 00:28:59,070 You are good. 553 00:28:59,570 --> 00:29:01,573 That pain I was having is... 554 00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:04,076 feeling better already. 555 00:29:32,619 --> 00:29:34,122 Feel anything? 556 00:29:34,122 --> 00:29:37,126 A numb, tingling sensation. 557 00:29:37,626 --> 00:29:39,629 But, uh, then I realized my... my leg's asleep. 558 00:29:40,131 --> 00:29:41,633 Oh. 559 00:29:42,134 --> 00:29:43,636 How about you? 560 00:29:43,636 --> 00:29:46,140 Um, just a queasiness in my stomach, 561 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,143 like when you eat a bad clam. 562 00:29:51,648 --> 00:29:54,152 Look, we... we don't have to do this. 563 00:29:54,653 --> 00:29:56,155 No! I want a success story. 564 00:29:56,155 --> 00:29:58,157 Oh, so do I. 565 00:29:58,157 --> 00:30:00,160 Uh, maybe if we, um... 566 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:01,661 maybe if we fantasized. 567 00:30:02,163 --> 00:30:04,666 You know, you... you think about the perfect man, 568 00:30:04,666 --> 00:30:08,172 and I'll think about the perfect woman. 569 00:30:08,172 --> 00:30:10,675 It's a crutch, but... if it helps us walk... 570 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:41,722 Well? 571 00:30:43,725 --> 00:30:44,727 Keep trying. 572 00:31:22,783 --> 00:31:24,286 And? 573 00:31:24,786 --> 00:31:26,289 I think I'm starting to feel something. 574 00:31:26,289 --> 00:31:27,290 Me too. 575 00:31:43,315 --> 00:31:45,318 Hey! 576 00:31:45,318 --> 00:31:46,820 Aw, it's you again. 577 00:31:46,820 --> 00:31:48,823 You don't give up, do you? 578 00:31:48,823 --> 00:31:49,825 You want me to? 579 00:31:51,828 --> 00:31:54,332 Did you really see me before? 580 00:31:54,332 --> 00:31:56,834 Sure. You were with that guy, Brian. 581 00:31:58,336 --> 00:31:59,838 How do you know him? 582 00:31:59,838 --> 00:32:03,344 Everyone knows Brian Kinney. 583 00:32:03,344 --> 00:32:04,846 He's a real asshole. 584 00:32:06,348 --> 00:32:08,852 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 585 00:32:08,852 --> 00:32:10,355 He's always coming on to you, 586 00:32:10,355 --> 00:32:12,358 acting like he likes you. 587 00:32:12,858 --> 00:32:14,361 Really all he cares about is getting laid. 588 00:32:14,861 --> 00:32:16,364 How do you know? 589 00:32:16,364 --> 00:32:17,365 Did he break your heart? 590 00:32:19,368 --> 00:32:20,870 Fuck no! 591 00:32:20,870 --> 00:32:22,373 I'd never fall for his shit. 592 00:32:24,376 --> 00:32:27,381 Besides, he's not my type. 593 00:32:29,384 --> 00:32:30,385 Is he yours? 594 00:32:31,887 --> 00:32:33,390 Are you kidding? 595 00:32:35,893 --> 00:32:37,396 So what is your type? 596 00:32:57,425 --> 00:32:59,928 You can do it. You can do it. 597 00:32:59,928 --> 00:33:01,431 You can do it! 598 00:33:43,995 --> 00:33:44,996 So... 599 00:33:46,499 --> 00:33:47,501 how was it for you? 600 00:33:47,501 --> 00:33:49,003 You know, I didn't hate it. 601 00:33:49,003 --> 00:33:51,506 - Oh? - You? 602 00:33:52,006 --> 00:33:54,009 It wasn't nearly as disgusting as I thought it would be. 603 00:33:54,009 --> 00:33:56,012 - Hey! - Yeah. 604 00:33:59,517 --> 00:34:01,520 The fantasies really helped. 605 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:02,522 Yeah. 606 00:34:04,024 --> 00:34:05,527 Who'd you use? 607 00:34:05,527 --> 00:34:08,531 Jodie Foster, "Anna and the King". 608 00:34:08,531 --> 00:34:09,533 Ah. You? 609 00:34:11,536 --> 00:34:14,540 Uh, Matthew Mcconaughey in "A Time to Kill". 610 00:34:15,041 --> 00:34:17,044 Mmm. Too bad we didn't use "Contact", 611 00:34:17,044 --> 00:34:18,547 we could've been in the same movie. 612 00:34:18,547 --> 00:34:20,048 Yeah. 613 00:34:24,556 --> 00:34:27,560 Well, we... we have our success story. 614 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,062 Yay us. 615 00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:42,081 You're one hot little fucker. 616 00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:43,584 You're pretty hot yourself. 617 00:34:46,087 --> 00:34:48,089 Oh, yeah. 618 00:34:48,089 --> 00:34:49,592 Go on, lick it. 619 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:55,601 That's it. 620 00:34:59,106 --> 00:35:01,109 You're hotter than the guy I had last week. 621 00:35:02,612 --> 00:35:04,615 Is that so? 622 00:35:04,615 --> 00:35:06,618 He wanted to put me in short pants and spank me. 623 00:35:07,119 --> 00:35:08,621 I want to do a lot more than that. 624 00:35:10,123 --> 00:35:11,125 Like what? 625 00:35:12,126 --> 00:35:14,129 Like how about I show you? 626 00:35:30,654 --> 00:35:32,657 Hey, you better hurry, though. 627 00:35:35,161 --> 00:35:37,164 What's the rush? 628 00:35:37,164 --> 00:35:40,168 I've got a stupid curfew if you can believe it. 629 00:35:40,168 --> 00:35:41,671 My parents want me home by midnight. 630 00:35:43,674 --> 00:35:46,177 You... you live with your parents? 631 00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:47,679 Where else would I live? 632 00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:48,681 I'm 17. 633 00:35:51,686 --> 00:35:52,687 You're 17? 634 00:35:54,189 --> 00:35:57,194 So, how do you get into bars? 635 00:35:57,194 --> 00:35:59,698 Duh! Like a fake I.D. 636 00:36:01,199 --> 00:36:02,200 I don't tell my dad though. 637 00:36:02,702 --> 00:36:04,705 He goes totally psycho. 638 00:36:04,705 --> 00:36:07,208 Like he did when he found out I was gay. 639 00:36:07,208 --> 00:36:11,214 Mmm, your... your dad went psycho? 640 00:36:11,214 --> 00:36:13,718 He went after the guy I was fucking at the time. 641 00:36:13,718 --> 00:36:15,220 Turned him in to the police. 642 00:36:16,723 --> 00:36:18,225 Uh, the police? 643 00:36:18,225 --> 00:36:19,226 He'll be out in 10 years. 644 00:36:25,737 --> 00:36:27,239 If he knew I was here... 645 00:36:29,743 --> 00:36:30,745 Now, how would he know? 646 00:36:32,246 --> 00:36:34,250 Oh. There's no way. 647 00:36:36,253 --> 00:36:37,254 Unless I told him. 648 00:36:39,257 --> 00:36:42,261 But you wouldn't do that, would you? 649 00:36:43,763 --> 00:36:44,764 Of course not. 650 00:36:47,769 --> 00:36:49,772 I would never do anything like that. 651 00:36:52,275 --> 00:36:54,278 Provided you do something for me. 652 00:36:56,281 --> 00:36:58,284 Remember, let me do the talking. 653 00:36:58,284 --> 00:37:00,789 Yeah. You always do. 654 00:37:00,789 --> 00:37:03,292 And when the investigator from H.R. asks you something, 655 00:37:03,292 --> 00:37:05,295 - confer with me first. - I got it. 656 00:37:12,306 --> 00:37:13,809 Listen, however this plays out... 657 00:37:15,311 --> 00:37:16,312 thanks. 658 00:37:18,315 --> 00:37:19,818 You didn't have to help me. You could have said "fuck you". 659 00:37:20,819 --> 00:37:21,820 I know. 660 00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:27,829 Here you are, I was looking for you. 661 00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:28,831 This is, uh... 662 00:37:29,331 --> 00:37:30,333 Morty Ryder, my boss. 663 00:37:30,333 --> 00:37:32,336 This is Melanie Marcus, my attorney. 664 00:37:32,336 --> 00:37:34,339 Nice to meet you. 665 00:37:34,339 --> 00:37:36,843 Look Liberty Air was just awarded a new route into La Guardia. 666 00:37:36,843 --> 00:37:39,347 They're taking on the majors in the Northeast. 667 00:37:39,347 --> 00:37:40,848 So? 668 00:37:41,349 --> 00:37:43,352 So, they want to go national with your campaign. 669 00:37:43,352 --> 00:37:45,355 You've got a lot of work to do. 670 00:37:45,355 --> 00:37:46,858 What about the hearing? 671 00:37:46,858 --> 00:37:49,361 Forget about the hearing. That matter's been dropped. 672 00:37:49,361 --> 00:37:50,362 Dropped? 673 00:37:50,362 --> 00:37:51,865 What happened? 674 00:37:51,865 --> 00:37:53,868 Damned if I know, and who the hell cares? 675 00:37:53,868 --> 00:37:55,370 Be in my office in five minutes. 676 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,381 Un-fucking-believable. 677 00:38:04,383 --> 00:38:07,388 Jesus! What are you, Mr. Teflon? 678 00:38:07,388 --> 00:38:09,892 Shit just never sticks to you. 679 00:38:18,906 --> 00:38:20,408 I don't know how to... like, you or Emmett, 680 00:38:20,408 --> 00:38:22,912 but you might like to join a bowling league. 681 00:38:22,912 --> 00:38:23,914 Just the guys. 682 00:38:24,915 --> 00:38:26,417 Oh, look, there he is. 683 00:38:31,425 --> 00:38:32,927 You know, maybe this wasn't such a good idea. 684 00:38:33,428 --> 00:38:34,930 Let's just get out of here. 685 00:38:38,936 --> 00:38:41,438 Well, this is a surprise. 686 00:38:42,941 --> 00:38:44,944 Welcome to "see the light". 687 00:38:44,944 --> 00:38:46,446 The way some of these people dress, 688 00:38:46,446 --> 00:38:47,948 They should change it to "turn off the light". 689 00:38:50,953 --> 00:38:52,956 So what is this, like, an intervention? 690 00:38:52,956 --> 00:38:55,459 You're going to kidnap me and throw me in the back of a van? 691 00:38:55,459 --> 00:38:57,463 I'll tell you right now, I'm not getting in any van. 692 00:38:57,964 --> 00:38:58,965 There's no van. 693 00:38:58,965 --> 00:39:00,968 I don't get a van? 694 00:39:00,968 --> 00:39:02,972 You'd think, at the very least, you could rent a van. 695 00:39:02,972 --> 00:39:05,475 Look, it's just us, okay? 696 00:39:05,976 --> 00:39:06,978 And we came here to... 697 00:39:10,984 --> 00:39:12,987 I don't know why the fuck we're here but, you know... 698 00:39:12,987 --> 00:39:14,990 Emmett, we... we tried talking to you, 699 00:39:14,990 --> 00:39:16,993 we tried reasoning with you. 700 00:39:16,993 --> 00:39:19,496 We sent a porn star. 701 00:39:19,496 --> 00:39:21,499 - $1,000. I know. - It's okay. Just let it go. 702 00:39:24,003 --> 00:39:25,505 Come on, everyone, let's, uh, 703 00:39:25,505 --> 00:39:27,508 form our circle of light, hmm? 704 00:39:28,009 --> 00:39:30,012 We just... 705 00:39:30,512 --> 00:39:32,015 We wanted to let you know that we still love you. 706 00:39:33,517 --> 00:39:35,520 Maybe not as much as Jesus, 707 00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:36,521 but... 708 00:39:37,522 --> 00:39:38,524 almost. 709 00:39:41,028 --> 00:39:43,531 And that we're going to miss you. 710 00:39:43,531 --> 00:39:46,036 Especially miss the way you dance with your hands over your head, 711 00:39:46,036 --> 00:39:48,539 and your Liza impersonation. That's... 712 00:39:48,539 --> 00:39:51,043 that's the way I'll always remember you. 713 00:39:51,043 --> 00:39:53,046 Thanks. 714 00:39:53,547 --> 00:39:56,051 I don't think God appreciates it quite as much as you do. 715 00:39:56,051 --> 00:39:58,054 Oh, I think God appreciates it even more... 716 00:40:01,059 --> 00:40:04,062 because He created you in His image. 717 00:40:04,062 --> 00:40:06,065 At least that's what I was always taught. 718 00:40:07,567 --> 00:40:09,570 And since God is love and... 719 00:40:09,570 --> 00:40:11,573 God doesn't make mistakes, then... 720 00:40:11,573 --> 00:40:13,076 you must be exactly... 721 00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,081 the way He wants you to be, 722 00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:18,084 the way He intended you to be. 723 00:40:20,087 --> 00:40:22,590 And that goes for every person, every... 724 00:40:24,093 --> 00:40:25,595 planet, every mountain, every... 725 00:40:27,098 --> 00:40:29,101 grain of sand, every song... 726 00:40:31,604 --> 00:40:32,606 every tear... 727 00:40:35,609 --> 00:40:37,112 and every faggot. 728 00:40:41,619 --> 00:40:44,122 We're all His, emmett. 729 00:40:47,627 --> 00:40:48,628 He loves us all. 730 00:40:56,641 --> 00:40:57,642 Goodbye, Em. 731 00:41:17,673 --> 00:41:19,176 We're about to get started. 732 00:41:32,694 --> 00:41:34,697 I always feel like it's rejuvenated, 733 00:41:35,198 --> 00:41:35,699 it's a new week. 734 00:41:39,705 --> 00:41:42,209 Come into our circle of light, hmm? 735 00:41:44,713 --> 00:41:48,218 We like to start every meeting with a success story. 736 00:41:50,221 --> 00:41:55,729 And tonight I just feel that Emmett and Heather 737 00:41:55,729 --> 00:41:57,733 have a success story, 738 00:41:57,733 --> 00:41:59,736 - don't you? - Hmmm? Great! Let's hear it. 739 00:42:11,753 --> 00:42:14,758 You've got to be careful with those, huh? 740 00:42:14,758 --> 00:42:17,762 Yeah, they're pretty valuable, so you got to protect them from the light. 741 00:42:25,274 --> 00:42:27,277 Uh, you must be still mad at me, huh? 742 00:42:30,781 --> 00:42:32,284 No. 743 00:42:32,784 --> 00:42:33,786 I'm not mad at you. 744 00:42:37,292 --> 00:42:39,795 Well, I want you to know that I'm sorry that I lied. 745 00:42:40,797 --> 00:42:42,299 I'm sorry too. 746 00:42:45,303 --> 00:42:48,308 - I... - Sometimes I get, uh... 747 00:42:49,810 --> 00:42:52,314 I guess I just get a little worked up 748 00:42:52,314 --> 00:42:53,816 over, uh... 749 00:42:53,816 --> 00:42:54,817 Brian? 750 00:42:55,819 --> 00:42:56,820 Over Brian. 751 00:43:01,828 --> 00:43:03,831 I've known him practically my entire life. 752 00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:06,335 I... I can't just stop seeing him. 753 00:43:06,335 --> 00:43:07,337 You shouldn't have to. 754 00:43:10,342 --> 00:43:12,345 You should feel free to see whoever you want to see. 755 00:43:13,846 --> 00:43:15,349 After all, this is a relationship. 756 00:43:15,349 --> 00:43:17,853 It's not a maximum security lock-up. 757 00:43:29,869 --> 00:43:32,874 So you and Brian getting the band back together? 758 00:43:33,375 --> 00:43:35,878 No, I think the Backstreet Boys have usurped our former glory. 759 00:43:37,881 --> 00:43:38,883 Hey. 760 00:43:40,386 --> 00:43:41,387 You want to go out tonight? 761 00:43:41,888 --> 00:43:43,390 Well, sure. 762 00:43:43,390 --> 00:43:44,392 You go. 763 00:43:44,892 --> 00:43:47,397 - Well, what about you? - No. 764 00:43:47,397 --> 00:43:49,900 I'm not in the mood. I'll stay here. 765 00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:51,903 You go. You dance. 766 00:43:51,903 --> 00:43:53,406 And you torture all those boys 767 00:43:53,406 --> 00:43:56,410 with your sculpted torso. 768 00:43:56,410 --> 00:43:57,912 And then you come home to me. 769 00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:03,421 I think I have a better idea. 770 00:45:02,008 --> 00:45:05,012 A cosmopolitan. How cosmopolitan. 771 00:45:07,015 --> 00:45:09,520 Emmett used to say, "In Pittsburgh, 772 00:45:10,020 --> 00:45:11,021 it's as close as you can get." 773 00:45:13,526 --> 00:45:15,529 I know how much you're going to miss him. 774 00:45:18,032 --> 00:45:20,537 Actually, you don't... 775 00:45:20,537 --> 00:45:24,041 but, uh, I appreciate the sentiment. 776 00:45:24,041 --> 00:45:25,542 How about a dance? 777 00:45:27,044 --> 00:45:29,047 Nah, It'd just remind me of him. 778 00:45:29,047 --> 00:45:30,550 Another drink? 779 00:45:30,550 --> 00:45:32,052 I'd start to cry. 780 00:45:37,060 --> 00:45:38,562 You're losing your shirt. 781 00:45:39,564 --> 00:45:43,069 - You almost lost yours. - Ah, yeah. 782 00:45:43,069 --> 00:45:45,072 I still have no idea why he dropped the suit. 783 00:45:47,075 --> 00:45:47,576 It's a mystery. 784 00:45:49,078 --> 00:45:52,083 I guess I'll just have to be more careful who I fuck. 785 00:45:53,585 --> 00:45:57,592 Lucky for you, I turn 18 tomorrow. 786 00:45:57,592 --> 00:45:59,093 What do you want for your birthday? 787 00:46:04,101 --> 00:46:07,105 What about a nice, stiff dick? 788 00:46:10,109 --> 00:46:13,114 Now you're starting to sound like him. 789 00:46:13,114 --> 00:46:15,117 I'll always remember how he used to say, 790 00:46:15,117 --> 00:46:17,621 "It's just not sex without... 791 00:46:17,621 --> 00:46:19,123 Without something up your butt. 792 00:46:21,626 --> 00:46:23,630 Oh no, now you've come to Babylon to proselytize. 793 00:46:23,630 --> 00:46:25,131 That's not why we're here. 794 00:46:25,131 --> 00:46:27,636 We've seen the light. 795 00:46:27,636 --> 00:46:28,637 - We know! - We know! 796 00:46:30,139 --> 00:46:31,642 A different light. 797 00:46:31,642 --> 00:46:33,645 What about your success story? 798 00:46:33,645 --> 00:46:35,147 Oh, we're a success story. 799 00:46:35,147 --> 00:46:38,653 - Oh? - We shared it with the group. 800 00:46:38,653 --> 00:46:41,657 I told them, 801 00:46:41,657 --> 00:46:44,662 some of us are meant to eat pussy, 802 00:46:44,662 --> 00:46:46,664 and some of us are meant to suck cock. 803 00:46:48,166 --> 00:46:49,669 But either way... 804 00:46:50,169 --> 00:46:51,170 God loves us. 805 00:46:52,673 --> 00:46:55,678 They agreed that God loves us. 806 00:46:55,678 --> 00:46:57,681 And then they told us to get the fuck out. 807 00:47:00,184 --> 00:47:01,687 Then you're really back? 808 00:47:01,687 --> 00:47:03,690 Honey, my flame has been rekindled, 809 00:47:03,690 --> 00:47:05,693 and is burning brighter than ever. 810 00:47:13,204 --> 00:47:15,207 Oh! Oh, sorry. 811 00:47:15,709 --> 00:47:17,210 - Sorry. - I'm not. 812 00:47:28,225 --> 00:47:29,227 Come on, you. 813 00:47:41,747 --> 00:47:45,251 Do you feel that gay thump-thump? 814 00:47:45,747 --> 00:47:47,751 I miss this. 57349

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