Original subtitles

Back then...

Between the ages of 13 and 21, I used to hang out in a barn...

in Bästenhardt, Mössingen.

But the barn was in Bästenhardt, I used to go with all my friends,

my siblings.

And that barn had everything.

Spezi,

chocolate bars

and water.

We didn't have any money,

so we all used to get something and share it.

My eldest brother would come from Mannheim

and he'd show us the newest music that was trending,

that was cool.

He'd always wear the newest sneakers.

We were from this town, well, more of a village for me, so we would go,

"Hey, cool, dude. Cool."

But the barn had everything.

It was like a second home.

It was a place of love. We'd all hang out, from every nation.

And that youth club was called Stotzenhof.

I'll quickly explain the show.

Thanks. Thank you. What a pleasure to have you here.

This is sort of an ensemble show.

Antoine and Percy are also here, so is Ernst Riedler.

They all have their own sketches. Antoine's doing a garden show.

Which is nice, because he likes nature and all.

However, I was also told it's actually not going so well.

Fifty-fifty chance. Let's hope it's good.

Let's just hope.

CONFERENCE ROOM TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE FIRST SHOW

Have you ever seen someone this fast?

I'm getting major ass cramps,

but I have to get the kick right.

No, like this.

This is how Boateng kicks.

Hey. Wow.

Antoine, Percy, Ernst, I...

First of all, I'm glad you're here.

-I tried to reach you. -Got something to say?

I should have told you sooner, that's true, but...

This show may be called The Teddy Teclebrhan Show.

Oh, great.

But it should really be called

The Antoine, Percy, Ernst Riedler, etc. Show.

-Ending with "Teclebrhan." -Crazy.

-But "Teclebrhan" is already too long. -You're so phoney.

That's what I love about you. Your phoniness. So cool, hey.

Percy, could you just listen to me?

-I have... -Shut your trap.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

What is it?

This is my team. Our team.

This is our team.

And we're going to put together a great show.

He's been filming the whole time.

Did you notice? He's filming.

Ernst? Ernst.

-Okay. -Don't be...

They're family. They're all family.

They're all family.

Sven. Sven, Aurelia and Tina.

So you're the team?

Did you take a gap year to volunteer before this?

-Teddy? Teddy! -Maybe we should...

THE TEDDY TECLEBRHAN SHOW

One, two, three, four.

On three. One, two, three, four...

On three, and three!

Back, flip, back, flip.

I mean it's actually...

MEGALOH & ANTOINE & PATRICE AS THEIR BOYBAND SIDE PROJECT

I don't know why our choreo was so hard for you.

Four, two. Four, two.

You step out, you step in out.

And I do back, flip, back, flip.

Spin.

Let's try again. We'll get it.

Just one more time.

One, two, three, four, five, six... Eleven.

Seven, three, one. Three and four. Now step out.

Four, then you spin, and over.

Everything okay?

We're rehearsing.

That's not it.

I want to do something else.

Hang on a second.

We've been rehearsing this choreo for four months.

You can't just leave. Right?

But what you're doing doesn't make any sense.

And anyway, I want to follow my heart.

-Your heart? -Yes.

-What does your heart say? -I'll show you.

One, two, three.

Soul, soul

Soulstorm everywhere

It's everywhere, everywhere

Soulstorm everywhere

There's a soul, soul

Soulstorm everywhere

It's everywhere

Everywhere

Soulstorm everywhere

First question.

Where did you get the fireworks?

That's my first question. Why did you bring firemen here?

Fireworks, I mean.

Hopefully the firemen are here too. But first the fireworks.

If you want to screw up your future with that type of music,

and want to kill the boy-band vibe...

Then, hey, go ahead.

I'm out.

Fuck it. If he's out, we'll keep going with the band.

-Just us? -Just us. We'll keep going.

Back, flip, back, flip, back, flip.

In front. I do the turn...

What he just did, I'll do twice.

Back, back... Oh, shit. To the front.

And... Back, two, three, back...

-Two, three, back, flip. -Bro.

It doesn't make sense with just us two. I care about the group, but...

It doesn't make sense. Plus, honestly, I'd rather do rap music.

Real rap music.

So you want to become a petty criminal?

-I'll show you what I mean. -This is your fault.

It's all your fault that he's doing this.

I'll give it to you as straight as I can

I'm top shelf

It was weird at first But things are changing

Now it's totally normal This is a hustler's prayer

Keep your eyes on the prize

I have my methods, I have my demons They ask me where I'm headed

To the top, to the top

Won the game, to the top

She's the bomb, to the top

We're taking over, to the top

Top, top, to the top

Top, top, to the top

Top, top to the top

To the top

-Did you see that? -Yeah, that's the vibe.

Yo. He saw it, too.

So that means...

The boy-band is history.

Is it over?

-You gotta make though choices in life. -"Tough choices."

Fine, if you want. If this is what you want...

If you don't give a shit about our boy band...

in terms of feelings.

If you don't give a shit about your future...

We would've been a huge hit,

but never mind. Who gives a shit?

Who gives a shit?

Shit...

-He's taking it hard. -Should I make the call?

Should I call him and cancel everything?

Okay, no problem.

Four, three, zero, one, seven, three.

Hello?

-Hello, Steven Gätjen. -Hi, Steven.

-Hi, who is this? -It's me, Antoine.

-Hey, Antoine! -How are you, Steven?

Great. What can I do for you?

-You never call. What do you need? -Great questions.

You know my boy band?

Of course I do.

You, Megaloh and Patrice.

-Exactly. -Of course.

We're probably going to break up.

-What did you just say? -You heard me right.

Just like Tic Tac Toe back then.

Okay.

Then...

Would you like to be on my show?

Tell me more.

That's the thing.

We're probably going to break up.

This connection is awful. I can't hear you...

I'm really sorry to hear that, but...

Do you want to talk about it in private?

-Or do you want to put it in the show? -Let's put it like this.

-Of course I want to see you in private. -Yeah.

-It'd be nice if you had time for me. -Yeah.

If we could go on a walk alone.

-Love to. Holding hands? -Around the pond.

-Or along the levee? -Like old times, with the fish.

Or along the levee.

Sorry, I'm kind of emotional.

-Can I tell you something? -What?

This phone is like Dolby Surround.

I feel like you're nearby.

Turn around.

-Are you... -You...

-You're behind me, right? -Yep.

-Should we hang up? -Yeah, it'd be stupid not to.

Yeah, okay. Sure, I'm hanging up.

2 WEEKS LATER

Hello, welcome to Steven's Gossip Show.

You all may have already heard this.

One of the best boy bands in the world

is planning to break up.

Here to discuss it today

are Antoine, Megaloh and Patrice.

Welcome, thanks for coming.

As I just mentioned...

Storm clouds are gathering over boy-band land.

You don't want to work together anymore.

Let's take a quick look at the past.

Patrice, is there anything

you would've done differently?

Exactly. Let me just squeeze in here.

There you go, that's a great example of the problem.

-Then you say something first. -The question was...

-Yes, I know it was for Patrice. -Thanks for wanting to butt in.

Thanks for keeping us in check.

Here's the thing. He never lets us say anything.

LIFE MOTTO: "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE"

We can't fulfil our dreams.

Our feelings are completely ignored, okay?

And Antoine just does his thing.

-With no regards for others. -I see you Antoine, okay?

-It's okay. Let Patrice talk. -Yes, no regard for others.

Now we're trying to add our own touch

and do what we enjoy.

-And... -Can you see me?

But there's no room for that.

Not at all. And in general, like with our dance choreo and...

All the stuff he wants us to do. I don't even know if it's feasible.

-See what I mean? -I can't imagine Antoine

-hogging the spotlight. -See what I mean?

He was talking for 45 minutes.

-Would you like to add anything? -Let's just say this.

Who started this boy band?

-You say it. -The three of you.

Just me. If we're being honest.

But you can't start a boy band on your own.

Yes.

-Okay. -Fine, we did it together.

-It's okay. That's fair. -Okay.

We did a show recently.

Huge arena. 700... 7,000 people.

-Ten, 50,000 people were there. -Okay.

We're performing, you know?

They're throwing panties onstage. Bam! Right in the face. Bam!

We keep going, since we need to finish the show.

I keep performing, then someone throws a bike.

A small one. A small bike.

Some handyman...

There was a handyman there with his tools.

I'm a little confused. So this isn't

-the same situation... -It is.

That's how it escalated. If you could just listen...

-Like TV hosts are supposed to. -Yep.

Thanks, Antoine.

-Just saying. -Okay.

Back and forth.

-With the bike? -Four bikes onstage.

We go backstage.

Seventy groupies.

They all go for those two.

And me? I get the handyman.

-Just handymen. Are you laughing? -Yeah.

Just handymen.

-But... Okay, so... -Steven.

-Steven? -Yes?

Roofers.

Listen to me, Steven.

They're both escalating the situation, like, "Ha, ha, ha."

I'm taking measurements. Four centimeters here...

Eight there.

Do you understand my issue now?

Yes.

And then they tell me it's me who...

Oh, man, I'm gonna cry.

Okay.

Thanks for explaining the problem.

I still don't get how the band is involved.

I mean, I'm noticing...

It's all falling apart. You aren't getting along.

But maybe if you guys talked it out,

if you sat together

to go over these problems,

to find a solution,

is there any chance or reuniting? Or is it definitely over?

Patrice and Megaloh?

-You'll get a turn after. -Awesome, I was confused

-when you said their names. -Them first, then you.

CHANGED HIS NAME TO MEGAHIGH AFTER NEW SINGLE

I can't really see that happening right now.

-With the way things are going. -Sure.

If you want to carry on with rap music and criminal music, fine.

-Patrice. -Well,

I could imagine getting back together.

But without Antoine.

Loud and clear. Antoine, what's your response?

This always happens.

Okay!

-Okay. -Could you take a seat, Antoine?

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.

-Zero. Okay. -Okay.

I wasn't expecting that.

Wow, firm thighs.

Thanks. So...

Most people don't know you have thighs like these.

-Did you know that? -Thanks.

-Thanks a lot. -You treat yourself right, Steven.

Don't think I'm jealous,

-but they're really something. -Thanks.

-Back to my question. -A great question.

Give me a second to process that.

It's okay. I'm super satisfied.

I'm super satisfied, you know?

Our boy band is over.

He's going another way. A bit of hipping and hopping around.

A bit of rappity-rap-rap.

And I'll record my own single.

Could you read that? That'll be insanely cool.

Alright. "Thanks for being so open and honest.

Patrice, Megaloh and you too. Thank you."

Could you say my name too, maybe?

-Antoine. -Antoine. Right.

-Sorry. -No problem.

"That's it..." Thanks. "That's it with Steven's Gossip Show."

-Nice thighs. -"One more very important note.

Esteemed ladies and gentlemen,

I, Steven Gätjen,

as a very, very, very,

very big fan of me..."

Of Antoine, that is.

"I now have a very special honor

which will be bestowed on me.

After the breakup of my..."

I mean Antoine's boy band.

"I didn't..."

He didn't "...rest on his laurels.

On the contrary, he's filming a reality show

with nothing less than the world's best actors

and actresses.

Now watch as Antoine subjects

someone new for an audition.

Today he's meeting Emilia Schüle."

ANTOINE'S CASTING IN FRANK SCHÜTTLER'S OFFICE

Oh, wow.

-Are you learning your lines? -You got lines?

Of course. You all haven't?

-No. -No.

Why? What script did you get?

-The one Frank sent me. -I didn't get anything.

-Oh, fuck this. -Well, Iris...

"Iris" what? You're learning lines.

You're all sitting there, super relaxed. And I'm over here

like Harry Asshole, you know?

That's just a shit situation.

With this project...

I will definitely

make 700 euro, cash, in my pocket.

And you two...

If it goes well,

30 euro in your pockets, no taxes.

Just pretend your interested. Smile now and then.

-Okay, great. -No problem.

I scared you there, didn't I?

-Next! -Come in.

-Next! -Yeah. I'll go and take a look, okay?

Hello.

Hey, hello!

Hi. I'm Emilia.

-Hi. -Awesome.

-Hello. -Hi.

That's my camera team.

-Cool. -Yeah.

Is Frank here, or...

Frank? The...

-Oh, Frank Schüttler. -Yes, exactly.

-He isn't here. -Really?

Yeah, he left.

-Okay. -He's indisposed.

Okay. But Frank's okay?

Frank? Yes, he'll check in later.

But have a seat already, Emilia! Sit down! What's wrong?

So I'm auditioning with you?

-No, I'm just doing the casting here. -Okay.

Ever heard of a book called...

Schn... Schnitz... "Schnitzer the Snitch"?

Could you repeat that?

"Schnitzer the Snitch."

What is "Schnitzel's Snitch" about?

-"Schnitzer the Snitch." -"Schnitzel de Schlitz."

"Schnitzer the Snitch."

"Schnitzel the Schnitz."

"Schnitzel di Schnitz." Got it.

-Right? -"Schnitzer."

-"Schnitze." -"...the Snitch."

"Schnitzer die Snitch."

-Exactly. He's cunning. -Okay.

But he whittles like Emil of Lönneberga.

What?

He whittles like Emil of Lönneberga.

-Yeah? -But at the same time, he's a snitch.

Does that spark your curiosity?

Yes. Yes, tell me more.

I'll put it like this.

Someone who can overcome the difficulty of this script

may get cast in a part.

And if it's possible, give me some emotion.

"It wasn't me, you know?

We'll need to review the situation.

I'm... I'm fuming

and shaken."

Oh, God. Shit.

"Anyone got something to smoke?

You're really pissing me off, you little shit."

You're really pissing me off, you little shit.

-"You're really pissing me..." Fuck. -"Shit."

"We'll need to review it."

-"Review." -"Review."

Can you do a high kick when you say it?

-Not at me, but... -"You're pissing me off, you little shit."

Awesome. You startled me there.

Thanks, Emilia. We'll be in touch.

-Well... -When?

-When? -Yeah.

Just go and wait in the waiting room.

Okay, cool.

Can you do me one more favor?

-I need a couple of things. -Yes?

-Could you do a little grocery run? -Yes.

-Grapes, rye bread. -Yes.

Cream cheese and jams?

Noodles, apples, pasta.

I need socks.

Skin cream. All the lotions, body lotion.

That off-brand Coca-Cola that has more sugar.

-Then just plain white sugar. -White sugar, okay.

-Yeah. 16 bags of white sugar. -Okay.

-Ciao, and thanks. -Okay.

-Thanks. -I had fun.

-Firm handshake. Great. -Ciao.

TO BE CONTINUED...

-Ready? -Yeah.

It's really simple, actually.

We go out there,

you announce Mirko and me.

Then we basically teach a class...

-The show is educational. -And it's important.

Exactly. Hey.

High five!

So cool. Hey.

-So I'll wait here. -Okay.

You can go ahead and announce me.

Okay. And you're already warmed up? Your voice is well-oiled?

-I know what I'm doing. -You know yourself.

-As if I didn't know... -Okay.

-Cool. -I'll announce you. We'll learn something.

-Let's do that. -Right?

-Aminata, see you later! -Have fun! See you later!

AMINATA BELLI PRESENTER & JOURNALIST

Ladies and gentlemen...

This show is intended to be educational.

So, today, we're going on a little field trip

to the world of classical music.

I'd like to give a very warm welcome

to opera singer Mirko Roschkowski

and Percy!

Give them a big round of applause.

PERCY & MIRKO ROSCHKOWSKI OPERA COACHES

Great.

It's great that you were both able to make it today.

Today, we're going to teach the audience

how to become really good opera singers.

Exactly.

You did such a great job presenting us.

Mirko and I have been touring together for how many years?

-Ten, right? -Around ten.

We even hold seminars on the topic of operating.

So it's really...

-There are so many talent shows now... -Yeah.

And everyone wants to be a star. But they don't have the proper technique.

That's what bothers me, personally.

-And that's why you're here. -Exactly.

-Right. -What's the most important part?

Can someone like him even be a tenor?

It's a full-body experience or "whole-body experience," as Percy always says.

First, plant your feet firmly on the ground.

-To the front. -Yes.

Then shift your hips forwards to create plenty of space.

-Makes sense. -Take a deep breath.

Then project the air up and out, past your larynx.

-Freedom -Freedom

-Life is worth living -Hold on a moment.

Stop! Where was your air coming from?

I cinched in my neck.

-Percy didn't set up the proper support. -Nope.

-What is this? -Mirko, weird of you to say that to me.

We'll talk about it later.

-Let's talk later. -He supported his hair.

Here's what I was trained to do.

-Did he train you? -No.

I went to several conservatories. I did one in New Jersey...

Another semester in Mallorca.

I went on vacation in the Maldives once.

That's unrelated, though.

I also rented a kick scooter in Italy once.

So that's what...

But when you basically sing from your neck, make sure that you...

It's a matter of technique. Make sure to close off here.

Get all cramped up.

Let me finish, Mirko.

And then you push out the uppermost tone

from there.

The effect of doing this is that you give the whole audience goosebumps.

You did a great job explaining that.

Fantastic.

There are a lot of different approaches.

What I learned was this. It's all about the breath.

It may sound trivial, since we all breathe.

But when you're singing, you need to steadily draw your breath

-up through your entire body. -Exactly.

-That's what they say. -Right.

Then that breath support

comes from way down at the bottom all the way to the top.

-Your intonation wasn't quite ideal, no? -Yeah.

But actually,

-I think we covered everything. -It's clear now.

I think everyone's got it by now. Just breathe!

Thanks so much.

-Great. Well done. -So cool. Hey.

Yeah.

How are you guys getting home? I'm just curious...

-We'll go home together. -I just have to tell you guys,

I guess I'm going to miss you, I guess.

-Come on. -Let's go.

So stupid. Hey.

It's just not that easy, basically living in a community.

It's just not that easy sometimes.

But that's just the way it is.

Just the way it is sometimes.

Nobody cleaned up the mustard, again.

Total bullshit.

When I'm with you, time stands still

You're what I want Do you feel what I feel?

What I want to feel

It's more than a game

I love your style

Your sex appeal

Come and relax with me

I can't believe my eyes.

Joy Denalane is standing in front of me.

Hey, babe

Hey, babe

Oh, darling

Oh, baby

Come here

Come here

Come here

When I'm with you, time stands still

Oh, baby

When I'm with you, time stands still

Percy

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

Come here

Sorry.

You're getting a bit too close.

I'm a little...

I have a question.

Hey, Perce

Well...

What are you doing here?

I was just cleaning up backstage.

Then I heard the song and thought I'd come out.

Okay, I thought Joy was here for me. It was a misunderstanding then.

Come here

Then I'll just say...

-I'm happy for you guys. -Thanks. I'm sorry.

-It's fine. Take care. -See you soon.

Just joking.

MAX HERRE & JOY DENALANE WITH YOU

How's everybody doing?

When I'm with you, time stands still

You're what I want Do you feel what I feel?

What I feel is real

It's more than just a game I love your style, your sex appeal

Come and relax with me

Don't want us to do anything you'll regret

But tonight I need a little more than friendship

Don't look at me that way Your gaze is dangerous

To be honest, I want you

When I'm with you, time stands still

You're too much for me I feel you bending my will

It's more than just a game Show me your cards

Think I'll stay this cold When you're with me?

I don't want to do anything I'll regret

Still, tonight I need something more than friendship

Your kisses are addictive

Be careful I know you have a reputation

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

Come here

Joy, I'll just tell you.

Baby, baby

You're smooth like the Kama Sutra

Shh, don't let your mom hear us

Don't think I'm invincible

Baby

-Are you only looking for an adventure? -No way.

Don't play with fire

Because I don't wanna get burned Is this what you call love?

Come here, come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

We can't hear you.

-Come here -Come here

-Come here -Come here

You know, you know, you know

You know

I know, I know, I know

A huge round of applause for Joy and Max!

Another huge round of applause for Patrice and Megaloh!

Come here

For Aminata and Mirko!

And of course for the wonderful Steven Gätjen!

And for the wonderful Emilia Schüle!

And also for our wonderful band.

Thanks for watching.

It was fantastic.

Have a nice night, everybody.

We're going to keep the party going for a while.

Come on!

-Joy Denalane. -Max Herre, baby!

THE TEDDY TECLEBRHAN SHOW

Am I already on, or what?

-Are you okay? -Yes, and you?

Well, I googled you. And I found absolutely nothing about you.

Absolutely nothing.

In the next episode...

I love how phony you are.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Protect your genitals.

I didn't know what they were going to do.