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1
00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:11,367
♪ One, two, three... ♪
2
00:00:11,368 --> 00:00:13,500
♪ One, two, three, four, five, six ♪
3
00:00:13,501 --> 00:00:15,533
♪ take it, dude ♪
4
00:00:15,534 --> 00:00:22,268
♪ ♪
5
00:00:32,401 --> 00:00:33,601
♪ one, two, three ♪
6
00:00:33,602 --> 00:00:36,169
♪ go, go ♪
7
00:00:41,269 --> 00:00:44,201
[Dance music]
8
00:00:44,202 --> 00:00:52,202
♪ ♪
9
00:01:14,171 --> 00:01:17,503
♪ take me higher ♪
10
00:01:17,504 --> 00:01:21,203
♪ take me higher ♪
11
00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:24,070
♪ take me higher ♪
12
00:01:24,071 --> 00:01:28,370
♪ take me higher ♪
13
00:01:28,371 --> 00:01:29,999
The thing you need to know is,
14
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,104
the thing you need to know is,
15
00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:31,504
it's all about sex.
16
00:01:31,505 --> 00:01:33,370
It's true.
17
00:01:33,371 --> 00:01:36,504
In fact, they say men think
about sex every 28 seconds.
18
00:01:36,505 --> 00:01:40,505
Of course, that's straight
men. With gay men it's every 9.
19
00:01:40,506 --> 00:01:43,404
You can be at the
supermarket or the laundromat
20
00:01:43,405 --> 00:01:45,171
or buying a fabulous shirt
21
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:48,271
when suddenly you find yourself
checking out some hot guy.
22
00:01:48,272 --> 00:01:49,938
Hotter than the one you saw last weekend
23
00:01:49,939 --> 00:01:51,404
or went home with the night before,
24
00:01:51,405 --> 00:01:53,438
which explains why we're all at Babylon
25
00:01:53,439 --> 00:01:57,005
at 1:00 in the morning
instead of at home in bed.
26
00:01:57,006 --> 00:01:59,072
But who wants to be at home in bed?
27
00:01:59,073 --> 00:02:00,000
Especially alone, when you can be here,
28
00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:01,472
especially alone, when you can be here,
29
00:02:01,473 --> 00:02:05,305
knowing that at any
moment you might see "him,"
30
00:02:05,306 --> 00:02:08,873
the most beautiful man who ever lived.
31
00:02:08,874 --> 00:02:10,939
That is, until tomorrow night.
32
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:18,907
♪ ♪
33
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:23,939
By the way, that's me,
6'1," 46-inch chest,
34
00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:26,173
16-inch biceps, 28-inch waist.
35
00:02:26,174 --> 00:02:28,206
A veritable God...
36
00:02:28,207 --> 00:02:29,999
I wish.
37
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,040
I wish.
38
00:02:31,041 --> 00:02:32,840
Okay, that's me.
39
00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:34,140
Michael Novotny, the semi-cute
40
00:02:34,141 --> 00:02:35,540
"Boy Next Door" type.
41
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:40,508
"29, 5'10," 140, 9-1/2 cut;
All right, so I exaggerate,
42
00:02:40,509 --> 00:02:42,907
but like, who's told the truth
since they invented cybersex?
43
00:02:42,908 --> 00:02:46,941
♪ ♪
44
00:02:46,942 --> 00:02:49,140
When did '70s night become '80s night?
45
00:02:49,141 --> 00:02:51,274
I remember this song from high school.
46
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:52,474
Talk about feeling ancient.
47
00:02:52,475 --> 00:02:56,275
Speak for yourself,
honey. I was a mere child.
48
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,342
Those are my two buddies,
49
00:02:57,343 --> 00:02:59,075
Ted and Emmett.
50
00:02:59,076 --> 00:03:00,000
Give me those divas of disco any day.
51
00:03:00,001 --> 00:03:01,442
Give me those divas of disco any day.
52
00:03:01,443 --> 00:03:02,542
Gloria Gaynor.
53
00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:05,141
- Donna Summer.
- And Miss Alicia Bridges.
54
00:03:05,142 --> 00:03:06,976
- ♪ I love the night life ♪
- Oh!
55
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:09,042
All: ♪ I like to boogie ♪
56
00:03:09,043 --> 00:03:10,442
♪ on the disco round ♪
57
00:03:10,443 --> 00:03:12,842
♪ ah-h-h-h ♪
58
00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:14,942
Oh... my God.
59
00:03:14,943 --> 00:03:17,042
Have you ever seen
anything more beautiful?
60
00:03:17,043 --> 00:03:19,042
Venice, at sunset.
61
00:03:19,043 --> 00:03:21,042
Fine, you go down the grand canal,
62
00:03:21,043 --> 00:03:22,343
I'll go down on him.
63
00:03:22,344 --> 00:03:25,042
Ooh...
64
00:03:25,043 --> 00:03:26,910
Emmett can be a little campy.
65
00:03:26,911 --> 00:03:29,043
Okay, a lot campy. But you got to admit,
66
00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:30,000
these days, it takes real guts
67
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:30,544
these days, it takes real guts
68
00:03:30,545 --> 00:03:32,810
to be a queen in a
world full of commoners.
69
00:03:32,811 --> 00:03:34,244
The problem with perfection
70
00:03:34,245 --> 00:03:35,810
is its inability to recognize
71
00:03:35,811 --> 00:03:37,810
anything less perfect than itself.
72
00:03:37,811 --> 00:03:39,444
In other words, you hit on him,
73
00:03:39,445 --> 00:03:41,544
and he turned you down.
74
00:03:41,545 --> 00:03:43,511
Yeah.
75
00:03:43,512 --> 00:03:45,377
Ted's this really smart guy,
76
00:03:45,378 --> 00:03:46,944
and he's got a really big heart.
77
00:03:46,945 --> 00:03:50,078
Only, nobody here is interested
in the size of that organ.
78
00:03:50,079 --> 00:03:51,310
Why am I wasting my time
79
00:03:51,311 --> 00:03:53,311
staring at a bunch of
over-pumped princesses
80
00:03:53,312 --> 00:03:56,011
with IQs smaller than their waist...
81
00:03:56,012 --> 00:03:58,044
Jesus, look at him.
82
00:03:58,045 --> 00:04:00,312
Like I said, it's all about sex.
83
00:04:00,313 --> 00:04:02,144
Except when you're having it.
84
00:04:02,145 --> 00:04:04,778
And then it's all about,
"will he stay? Will he go?
85
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:07,912
How am I doing? What am I doing?"
86
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:12,346
Unless, of course, you're Brian Kinney.
87
00:04:12,347 --> 00:04:14,778
And then it's, "who gives
a fuck what you think?"
88
00:04:14,779 --> 00:04:16,845
You're lucky to have me."
89
00:04:16,846 --> 00:04:24,914
♪ ♪
90
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,779
I'll get Brian.
91
00:04:27,780 --> 00:04:29,999
♪ ♪
92
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:35,814
♪ ♪
93
00:04:37,814 --> 00:04:43,013
♪ ♪
94
00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:45,915
[Men moaning]
95
00:04:57,249 --> 00:04:59,214
- Hey, Todd, how's it going?
- Fine.
96
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,000
[Music, whooping in background]
97
00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:04,114
[Music, whooping in background]
98
00:05:04,115 --> 00:05:06,048
We need to go.
99
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:08,048
We want to eat.
100
00:05:08,049 --> 00:05:09,381
I'm just going to give him my number.
101
00:05:09,382 --> 00:05:11,882
What'd you do, write it on your dick?
102
00:05:11,883 --> 00:05:16,249
How long is this going to take?
103
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,948
Ten minutes.
104
00:05:17,949 --> 00:05:20,048
Tops.
105
00:05:20,049 --> 00:05:21,049
[Scoffs]
106
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:23,016
[Chatter and laughter]
107
00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:32,316
Hmm, Bruno.
108
00:05:32,317 --> 00:05:35,049
Love your outfit.
109
00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:38,283
Not everyone can wear tangerine.
110
00:05:38,284 --> 00:05:41,049
How long are we going to wait?
I've got to work in the morning.
111
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,850
Who doesn't? He said he'd be right out.
112
00:05:42,851 --> 00:05:44,183
Yeah, we've all heard that before.
113
00:05:44,184 --> 00:05:45,950
This is some great system he's got.
114
00:05:45,951 --> 00:05:48,717
He gets to party all night
and you drive him home.
115
00:05:48,718 --> 00:05:50,317
It's no big deal, okay?
116
00:05:50,318 --> 00:05:54,418
Mm. Don't look now but,
uh, somebody's watching.
117
00:05:57,252 --> 00:06:00,085
Oh, him. He has been
cruising me all night.
118
00:06:00,086 --> 00:06:02,217
Mm, playing hard to get.
119
00:06:02,218 --> 00:06:04,051
I love that in a man.
120
00:06:04,052 --> 00:06:05,851
Not playing, just not interested.
121
00:06:05,852 --> 00:06:07,885
Check out that bubble butt.
122
00:06:07,886 --> 00:06:09,751
And that basket.
123
00:06:09,752 --> 00:06:11,651
Enough in there for the big, bad wolf.
124
00:06:11,652 --> 00:06:13,985
Would you quit staring?
125
00:06:13,986 --> 00:06:15,951
There's more to a guy
than his cock size.
126
00:06:15,952 --> 00:06:17,051
Hmm.
127
00:06:17,052 --> 00:06:18,753
Look at that!
128
00:06:21,186 --> 00:06:23,185
Or his perfectly-shaped ass.
129
00:06:23,186 --> 00:06:24,352
[Laughter]
130
00:06:24,353 --> 00:06:25,952
Which is why you read
all those comic books
131
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,886
with those superheroes
in their little tights...
132
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,919
For the plot.
133
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,786
I told you, I am not interested.
134
00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:32,619
Well, maybe just for once you should be.
135
00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:34,152
Show a certain someone
he's not the only one
136
00:06:34,153 --> 00:06:36,287
who can score.
137
00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:47,286
♪ Where's my lover ♪
138
00:06:47,287 --> 00:06:51,254
♪ where is my love tonight ♪
139
00:06:51,255 --> 00:06:54,853
♪ where's my lover ♪
140
00:06:54,854 --> 00:06:59,754
♪ where is my love tonight ♪
141
00:06:59,755 --> 00:07:00,000
♪ whoo ooh ooh ooh ♪
142
00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:03,320
♪ whoo ooh ooh ooh ♪
143
00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:04,787
♪ yeah ♪
144
00:07:04,788 --> 00:07:06,687
♪ ♪
145
00:07:06,688 --> 00:07:11,321
♪ whoa oh oh ♪
146
00:07:11,322 --> 00:07:12,854
♪ hmm ♪
147
00:07:12,855 --> 00:07:14,121
'Scuse me.
148
00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:16,655
Uh, could you tell me, like,
149
00:07:16,656 --> 00:07:19,321
where's a good place to go?
150
00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:21,955
Depends what you're looking for.
151
00:07:21,956 --> 00:07:23,889
You want twinkies, go to Boytoy.
152
00:07:23,890 --> 00:07:25,989
You want leather, go to the Meathook.
153
00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:27,722
If you want snotty, conceited assholes
154
00:07:27,723 --> 00:07:31,155
who think they're better than
everybody else, try Pistol.
155
00:07:31,156 --> 00:07:33,122
It's kind of late to be
out, though, isn't it?
156
00:07:33,123 --> 00:07:35,623
Especially on a school night.
157
00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:37,155
Why don't you come home with me, huh?
158
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:39,089
- No thanks.
- [Chuckles]
159
00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:41,756
Go on home to your mommy.
160
00:07:41,757 --> 00:07:43,891
Go on.
161
00:07:51,525 --> 00:07:54,724
[Indistinct chatter]
162
00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,757
That was quick.
163
00:07:57,758 --> 00:08:00,958
Well, when you've had as
much practice as he's had...
164
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:02,657
I got bored.
165
00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:05,157
I know. Getting your dick
sucked can be so tedious.
166
00:08:05,158 --> 00:08:06,524
Well, he looked pretty hot to me.
167
00:08:06,525 --> 00:08:08,892
Anybody would look hot to you.
168
00:08:25,993 --> 00:08:28,192
And that's when it happened.
169
00:08:28,193 --> 00:08:29,758
When he came along.
170
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,791
[Techno music]
171
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:36,759
♪ ♪
172
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,692
How's it going?
173
00:08:38,693 --> 00:08:41,726
You had a busy night?
174
00:08:41,727 --> 00:08:44,859
Just, uh, checking
out the bars, you know?
175
00:08:44,860 --> 00:08:46,893
Boytoy, Meathook.
176
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:49,826
The Meathook? Really?
177
00:08:49,827 --> 00:08:52,859
So you're into leather?
178
00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:55,727
Sure.
179
00:08:55,728 --> 00:08:56,993
Where you headed?
180
00:08:56,994 --> 00:09:00,628
No place special.
181
00:09:00,629 --> 00:09:03,060
I can change that.
182
00:09:03,061 --> 00:09:04,627
Hey!
183
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:05,927
Hey! What about us?
184
00:09:05,928 --> 00:09:07,760
You can ride with Ted.
185
00:09:07,761 --> 00:09:09,761
- Thanks a lot.
- Asshole!
186
00:09:12,061 --> 00:09:15,927
Well, if it isn't miss riding
hood and her big basket.
187
00:09:15,928 --> 00:09:20,060
Find someone else to
stalk. I'm not interested.
188
00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:22,029
Go home.
189
00:09:30,062 --> 00:09:31,095
Coming in?
190
00:09:31,096 --> 00:09:32,728
Hmm?
191
00:09:32,729 --> 00:09:35,462
Oh, yeah.
192
00:09:35,463 --> 00:09:37,630
Shut the door.
193
00:10:01,464 --> 00:10:04,564
This is a... really nice place.
194
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,731
I like your kitchen.
195
00:10:17,732 --> 00:10:19,732
Do you like Special K?
196
00:10:21,099 --> 00:10:22,497
It's okay.
197
00:10:22,498 --> 00:10:25,397
I like Cheerios better.
198
00:10:25,398 --> 00:10:28,564
I don't mean the kind
you eat with bananas.
199
00:10:28,565 --> 00:10:32,764
My disco-pharmacologist
cooks this up for me.
200
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,532
I'm really allergic to a lot of drugs.
201
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,064
The doctor gave me penicillin once...
202
00:10:37,065 --> 00:10:38,498
nearly killed me.
203
00:10:38,499 --> 00:10:39,865
And...
204
00:10:39,866 --> 00:10:42,965
- Tylenol.
- Tylenol?
205
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:44,999
No one's allergic to Tylenol.
Tylenol's what they give you
206
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,865
when you're allergic to everything else.
207
00:10:47,866 --> 00:10:48,999
Oh.
208
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,466
Well, uh, codeine. Codeine's the worst.
209
00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:53,733
Like, I get diarrhea
210
00:10:53,734 --> 00:10:56,633
and start vomiting
uncontrollably at the same time.
211
00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:58,966
Well, we'll make sure and
keep that one on the top shelf.
212
00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:05,432
Out of reach.
213
00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:07,533
♪ ♪
214
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,334
So are you coming or going?
215
00:11:11,034 --> 00:11:14,400
Or coming and then going?
216
00:11:14,401 --> 00:11:16,367
Or coming and staying?
217
00:11:16,368 --> 00:11:20,967
♪ ♪
218
00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:22,901
♪ love ♪
219
00:11:22,902 --> 00:11:24,834
♪ joy ♪
220
00:11:24,835 --> 00:11:26,334
♪ man ♪
221
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,434
♪ boy ♪
222
00:11:28,435 --> 00:11:29,967
♪ love ♪
223
00:11:29,968 --> 00:11:30,000
♪ joy ♪
224
00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:31,468
♪ joy ♪
225
00:11:31,469 --> 00:11:33,735
♪ man ♪
226
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,101
♪ boy ♪
227
00:11:36,102 --> 00:11:42,935
♪ ♪
228
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,568
♪ love ♪
229
00:11:44,569 --> 00:11:46,068
♪ joy ♪
230
00:11:46,069 --> 00:11:47,935
♪ hey ♪
231
00:11:47,936 --> 00:11:50,003
♪ boy ♪
232
00:11:53,703 --> 00:11:55,769
♪ walk away ♪
233
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:59,999
♪ if you know what's good for you ♪
234
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:00,637
♪ if you know what's good for you ♪
235
00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,036
♪ leave today ♪
236
00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:03,502
Ohh!
237
00:12:03,503 --> 00:12:08,336
♪ For the hell I'll
put you through ♪
238
00:12:08,337 --> 00:12:10,436
♪ what you say ♪
239
00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:14,969
♪ can't explain what
it is you give me ♪
240
00:12:14,970 --> 00:12:17,703
♪ if I leave today ♪
241
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:20,937
♪ there'll be no
more deep inside me ♪
242
00:12:20,938 --> 00:12:24,737
♪ I will take your heart ♪
243
00:12:24,738 --> 00:12:27,437
♪ take it over the edge ♪
244
00:12:27,438 --> 00:12:29,572
♪ too young to... ♪
245
00:12:33,839 --> 00:12:35,471
Thank you for the lift.
246
00:12:35,472 --> 00:12:36,972
- See ya.
- Bye.
247
00:12:45,605 --> 00:12:47,638
Oh, my God, look.
248
00:12:47,639 --> 00:12:49,838
He must have followed us.
249
00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:52,572
Christ, that's just what I need.
250
00:12:52,573 --> 00:12:54,472
Honey, it's what we all need.
251
00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:57,272
Hey! When was the
last time you got laid?
252
00:12:57,273 --> 00:12:58,572
My point exactly.
253
00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:01,672
If you can't remember, then it's time.
254
00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:03,373
Now, where are your manners?
255
00:13:03,374 --> 00:13:04,939
Go, uh, go invite the gentleman in
256
00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:06,972
while I make sure none
of my fine washables
257
00:13:06,973 --> 00:13:08,740
are hanging in the tub.
258
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,841
[Panting]
259
00:13:31,308 --> 00:13:34,440
[Moaning]
260
00:13:34,441 --> 00:13:35,574
Don't come yet.
261
00:13:35,575 --> 00:13:38,607
Uhh, I'll try.
262
00:13:38,608 --> 00:13:41,275
[Groaning]
263
00:13:41,276 --> 00:13:43,341
Stop.
264
00:13:43,342 --> 00:13:48,642
[Panting]
265
00:13:48,643 --> 00:13:50,408
So what do you like to do?
266
00:13:50,409 --> 00:13:52,441
Do?
267
00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:54,508
I don't know.
268
00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:57,542
Watch TV, play Tomb Raider.
269
00:13:57,543 --> 00:13:59,710
[Chuckles] I mean in bed.
270
00:14:00,311 --> 00:14:01,709
Oh.
271
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:06,376
This is fine.
272
00:14:06,377 --> 00:14:09,810
Are you a top or a bottom?
273
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,442
Top...
274
00:14:14,443 --> 00:14:15,843
And bottom.
275
00:14:15,844 --> 00:14:17,876
Oh, you're versatile, then.
276
00:14:17,877 --> 00:14:19,576
And ambidextrous...
277
00:14:19,577 --> 00:14:21,210
Which was really confusing at first
278
00:14:21,211 --> 00:14:25,443
'cause I could never figure
out which hand to throw with.
279
00:14:25,444 --> 00:14:26,809
Do you like to rim?
280
00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:28,410
Sure.
281
00:14:28,411 --> 00:14:29,677
I love it.
282
00:14:29,678 --> 00:14:33,143
Great.
283
00:14:33,144 --> 00:14:35,144
Go to it.
284
00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:38,177
Well?
285
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,311
Um, what exactly do you mean?
286
00:14:41,312 --> 00:14:44,145
[Phone rings]
287
00:14:45,412 --> 00:14:47,211
Yeah?
288
00:14:47,212 --> 00:14:49,344
What?
289
00:14:49,345 --> 00:14:51,344
- [Gasping]
- When?
290
00:14:51,345 --> 00:14:52,444
Ohh.
291
00:14:52,445 --> 00:14:53,745
Are you kidding me?
292
00:14:53,746 --> 00:14:55,144
No, of course you're not kidding me.
293
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:56,745
When did it happen?
294
00:14:56,746 --> 00:14:59,312
Why didn't you call me?
295
00:14:59,313 --> 00:15:02,678
Well, of course I was
out. I can't believe it.
296
00:15:02,679 --> 00:15:04,379
[Grunting]
297
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:06,245
- Agh! Ahh!
- Shit!
298
00:15:06,246 --> 00:15:08,312
Jesus Christ! I told you not to.
299
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:10,112
I tried. I'm sorry.
300
00:15:10,113 --> 00:15:11,412
- All over my new duvet.
- I tried, I tried.
301
00:15:11,413 --> 00:15:13,812
Thank you very much.
302
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,679
Oh, it'll wash out, won't it?
303
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,179
I mean, you should
see my sheets at home.
304
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:19,180
Just some kid.
305
00:15:19,181 --> 00:15:20,812
What's your name again?
306
00:15:20,813 --> 00:15:23,612
- Justin.
- Justin.
307
00:15:23,613 --> 00:15:25,347
I'll be right there.
308
00:15:31,447 --> 00:15:33,113
Ooh, don't mind me.
309
00:15:33,114 --> 00:15:34,547
Just, uh, can't sleep
310
00:15:34,548 --> 00:15:36,580
without my milk and Oreos.
311
00:15:36,581 --> 00:15:38,314
That's my friend Emmett.
312
00:15:38,315 --> 00:15:39,413
He's staying with me temporarily
313
00:15:39,414 --> 00:15:41,414
since the hooker who lived
down the hall from him
314
00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:44,648
burned his apartment
building down two years ago.
315
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:47,381
Two years is a long
time to be temporary.
316
00:15:47,382 --> 00:15:49,548
And yet it hasn't
interfered with my love life.
317
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,848
Which, I suppose, says
a lot about my love life.
318
00:15:52,849 --> 00:15:55,447
Do you mind if we skip the back story
319
00:15:55,448 --> 00:15:56,548
and cut to the chase?
320
00:15:56,549 --> 00:15:58,649
It's almost 2:00 in the morning.
321
00:16:03,349 --> 00:16:06,081
You have a great ass.
322
00:16:06,082 --> 00:16:07,715
Oh, yeah?
323
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,582
Ohh.
324
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:12,149
So do you. It's really...
325
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:20,149
Firm.
326
00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:21,582
It's called "The Butt."
327
00:16:21,583 --> 00:16:23,149
I got it in a catalogue.
328
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,050
[Phone rings]
329
00:16:28,817 --> 00:16:30,384
Parts department.
330
00:16:30,385 --> 00:16:32,483
Melanie called. It's happened.
331
00:16:32,484 --> 00:16:33,783
What? Oh my God! When?
332
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,783
I don't know, I had
my damn cell phone off.
333
00:16:35,784 --> 00:16:37,716
I'm picking you up in two minutes.
334
00:16:37,717 --> 00:16:40,183
Now? I...
335
00:16:40,184 --> 00:16:43,350
Kind of got my hands full.
336
00:16:43,351 --> 00:16:44,417
"The Bulge."
337
00:16:44,418 --> 00:16:46,717
You order both, you get a discount.
338
00:16:46,718 --> 00:16:48,284
Who's that?
339
00:16:48,285 --> 00:16:49,417
Uh, no one.
340
00:16:49,418 --> 00:16:51,517
Mikey, you've got
someone there with you.
341
00:16:51,518 --> 00:16:53,051
I can't believe it.
342
00:16:53,052 --> 00:16:54,551
You should only be here.
343
00:16:54,552 --> 00:16:56,251
Forget about it, don't
let me bother you.
344
00:16:56,252 --> 00:16:57,751
Fuck the shit out of him.
345
00:16:57,752 --> 00:17:00,085
No, wait. Pick me up. I'm... I'm ready.
346
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,419
Now.
347
00:17:02,619 --> 00:17:04,285
We going to do this or not?
348
00:17:04,286 --> 00:17:06,685
I am really, really sorry.
349
00:17:06,686 --> 00:17:09,585
Um, a friend of mine needs
me. It's an emergency.
350
00:17:09,586 --> 00:17:12,019
- Shit. After all that?
- I know.
351
00:17:12,020 --> 00:17:13,418
I promise we'll reschedule though.
352
00:17:13,419 --> 00:17:15,352
No ifs, ands or...
353
00:17:19,253 --> 00:17:20,718
- What's going on?
- Everything.
354
00:17:20,719 --> 00:17:22,652
Come on, get up. You gotta go.
355
00:17:22,653 --> 00:17:24,219
- Where?
- Home.
356
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:25,686
I can't go home now. My...
357
00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:27,419
my parents think I'm
staying at a friend's.
358
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,586
You live with your parents?
359
00:17:28,587 --> 00:17:30,287
Well, I'm still in school.
360
00:17:30,288 --> 00:17:32,386
I mean, college.
361
00:17:32,387 --> 00:17:34,719
- What year are you in?
- Junior.
362
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,553
Sophomore. Between my
junior and sophomore year.
363
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:38,619
How old are you?
364
00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:42,253
21.
365
00:17:42,254 --> 00:17:44,587
What year were you born?
366
00:17:44,588 --> 00:17:46,453
1979.
367
00:17:46,454 --> 00:17:48,520
Bullshit. You had to think
before you answered that.
368
00:17:48,521 --> 00:17:50,687
How old are you really?
369
00:17:50,688 --> 00:17:54,587
20.
370
00:17:54,588 --> 00:17:55,955
19.
371
00:17:59,222 --> 00:18:00,255
18.
372
00:18:00,256 --> 00:18:03,121
Well, what is this, a missile launch?
373
00:18:03,122 --> 00:18:05,054
- 17.
- [Sighs]
374
00:18:05,055 --> 00:18:08,454
What is with kids today?
375
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:11,254
We just want to get
laid, like everybody else.
376
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:13,321
Have you ever been with anyone before?
377
00:18:13,322 --> 00:18:15,222
Sure.
378
00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:18,688
Well, not exactly.
379
00:18:18,689 --> 00:18:20,989
This is sort of my first.
380
00:18:22,189 --> 00:18:24,322
I figured.
381
00:18:24,323 --> 00:18:25,657
Kind of young, aren't you?
382
00:18:27,623 --> 00:18:30,156
Well, I was 14 my first time.
383
00:18:30,157 --> 00:18:32,355
- That's really young.
- With my gym teacher.
384
00:18:32,356 --> 00:18:33,989
I bet he was some old perv.
385
00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:39,223
That old perv was probably
the same age that I am now.
386
00:18:39,224 --> 00:18:41,989
It was after school in the locker rooms.
387
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,223
[Sighs] He was taking a shower.
388
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,056
I went back for something.
389
00:18:46,057 --> 00:18:48,456
A book, my jockstrap...
390
00:18:48,457 --> 00:18:51,557
I don't remember.
391
00:18:51,558 --> 00:18:54,523
Anyway, there he was, all
naked, soaping himself.
392
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,423
He saw me there,
393
00:18:56,424 --> 00:18:59,391
a big boner under my chinos.
394
00:18:59,392 --> 00:19:01,324
[Chuckles]
395
00:19:01,325 --> 00:19:03,990
Shit. I walked right into the showers
396
00:19:03,991 --> 00:19:05,224
with all my clothes on.
397
00:19:05,225 --> 00:19:06,257
No.
398
00:19:06,258 --> 00:19:07,424
Got down on my knees
399
00:19:07,425 --> 00:19:09,391
and sucked him off right there.
400
00:19:09,392 --> 00:19:11,291
He let you?
401
00:19:11,292 --> 00:19:13,524
Let me?
402
00:19:13,525 --> 00:19:14,658
He loved it.
403
00:19:14,659 --> 00:19:17,258
I bet you were scared.
404
00:19:17,259 --> 00:19:21,393
Well, I guess we're all a
little scared our first time.
405
00:19:26,860 --> 00:19:29,226
But I don't remember anymore.
406
00:19:34,327 --> 00:19:36,592
[Car approaching, horn honking]
407
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:39,027
[Tires squeal]
408
00:19:44,127 --> 00:19:45,326
You brought him?
409
00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:47,326
He's got nowhere to go.
410
00:19:47,327 --> 00:19:48,561
Get in.
411
00:19:49,460 --> 00:19:51,393
Jeez.
412
00:19:51,394 --> 00:19:54,360
[Techno music]
413
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:59,999
♪ ♪
414
00:20:16,329 --> 00:20:18,128
Oh, my God.
415
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,595
Say hello to your son.
416
00:20:19,596 --> 00:20:22,562
[Baby cooing]
417
00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:25,029
Well, go on.
418
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:33,528
When did it start?
419
00:20:33,529 --> 00:20:35,296
Around 7:00.
420
00:20:35,297 --> 00:20:37,962
Six hours later, there he was.
421
00:20:37,963 --> 00:20:40,195
Oh, I wish I could have been here.
422
00:20:40,196 --> 00:20:42,362
How often do I get to see snatch?
423
00:20:42,363 --> 00:20:44,095
- [Scoffs]
- [Chuckles]
424
00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:46,195
Looks just like you.
425
00:20:46,196 --> 00:20:49,262
I guess he must be mine then.
426
00:20:49,263 --> 00:20:51,497
Want to hold him?
427
00:20:53,864 --> 00:20:55,330
Okay, careful. Don't drop him.
428
00:20:55,331 --> 00:20:57,330
That's just what I
was planning on doing.
429
00:20:57,331 --> 00:21:00,531
[Baby crying]
430
00:21:00,532 --> 00:21:02,130
We've been thinking of names.
431
00:21:02,131 --> 00:21:04,996
Mel wants to call him
Abraham, after her grandfather,
432
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:07,065
but I like Gus.
433
00:21:10,498 --> 00:21:11,965
What do you think?
434
00:21:14,265 --> 00:21:18,131
You wouldn't survive a day
at school being named Abraham.
435
00:21:18,132 --> 00:21:19,964
But I guess Gus is okay.
436
00:21:19,965 --> 00:21:22,531
Thank you very much,
and who the hell are you?
437
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:23,998
His name's J...
438
00:21:25,499 --> 00:21:27,098
Justin.
439
00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:29,198
You were on the phone when
he shot his load all over me.
440
00:21:29,199 --> 00:21:32,132
[Women groan]
441
00:21:32,133 --> 00:21:33,332
[Chuckles] Oh, Brian!
442
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:35,399
He can't help it.
443
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,399
He's only 17.
444
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:40,399
So you and Lindsay each
had an infant tonight.
445
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,766
Yeah, but mine doesn't suck on my tits.
446
00:21:42,767 --> 00:21:43,899
Not unless I want him to.
447
00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:46,465
[Baby crying]
448
00:21:46,466 --> 00:21:49,399
"Gus." It's a good, butch name.
449
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,266
Come on, Gus,
450
00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:53,832
give your daddy a smile.
451
00:21:53,833 --> 00:21:55,433
[Camera clicks]
452
00:21:55,434 --> 00:21:58,100
[Baby crying]
453
00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:09,400
It's disgusting, all those lesbians
454
00:22:09,401 --> 00:22:11,967
fawning over him and
making goo-goo talk.
455
00:22:11,968 --> 00:22:17,067
That's what women do over babies.
456
00:22:17,068 --> 00:22:19,735
Who's talking about
the baby? I mean Justin.
457
00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:27,102
It's kind of weird, you having a kid.
458
00:22:28,368 --> 00:22:30,368
Still, it's exciting, isn't it?
459
00:22:30,369 --> 00:22:34,701
What? Having some wrinkled
little time clock ticking away?
460
00:22:34,702 --> 00:22:37,335
Reminding you that you're
getting older by the minute.
461
00:22:37,336 --> 00:22:38,834
By the second?
462
00:22:38,835 --> 00:22:40,101
Keep thinking like that
463
00:22:40,102 --> 00:22:42,001
you're going to end up prematurely gray.
464
00:22:42,002 --> 00:22:44,335
Oh, I think I see one.
465
00:22:44,336 --> 00:22:46,103
Ow!
466
00:22:50,337 --> 00:22:52,669
Why didn't somebody try and stop me?
467
00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:54,802
Hello? Somebody did.
468
00:22:54,803 --> 00:22:56,236
But you wouldn't listen.
You had to let Lindsay
469
00:22:56,237 --> 00:22:58,670
fill your head with all
her bullshit flattery.
470
00:22:58,671 --> 00:23:00,837
"Oh, Brian, you're so good looking.
471
00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:04,069
Oh, oh, Brian, y...
y... you're so smart.
472
00:23:04,070 --> 00:23:06,236
Oh, oh, you've got
such great genes, Brian,
473
00:23:06,237 --> 00:23:10,237
and I don't mean your 501s."
474
00:23:10,238 --> 00:23:13,404
And now you're stuck with a kid.
475
00:23:13,405 --> 00:23:16,104
For life.
476
00:23:20,204 --> 00:23:23,338
Well, there is always one solution.
477
00:23:29,672 --> 00:23:31,771
I could end it all right now.
478
00:23:31,772 --> 00:23:34,771
Oh, that'd be dramatic.
479
00:23:34,772 --> 00:23:37,971
Just like ER, birth
and death in the same episode.
480
00:23:37,972 --> 00:23:40,305
Now get down!
481
00:23:40,306 --> 00:23:41,772
No, you'll have to come get me.
482
00:23:41,773 --> 00:23:44,039
I'm serious. Stop clowning.
483
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,672
Or I'll jump!
484
00:23:45,673 --> 00:23:47,705
♪ I hope to find ♪
485
00:23:47,706 --> 00:23:51,838
♪ who'll have to be inside of me ♪
486
00:23:51,839 --> 00:23:58,172
♪ and I can see a spark in you ♪
487
00:23:58,173 --> 00:23:59,999
♪ whatever you do ♪
488
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:00,774
♪ whatever you do ♪
489
00:24:00,775 --> 00:24:03,906
♪ you've gotta stay true ♪
490
00:24:03,907 --> 00:24:07,339
♪ ♪
491
00:24:07,340 --> 00:24:08,806
♪ whatever you do ♪
492
00:24:08,807 --> 00:24:11,706
Come on, Mikey, let's fly.
493
00:24:11,707 --> 00:24:14,308
Like in all those comic books.
494
00:24:18,274 --> 00:24:21,607
I'm Superman.
495
00:24:21,608 --> 00:24:23,273
I'll show you the world.
496
00:24:23,274 --> 00:24:26,273
Why am I always Lois Lane?
497
00:24:26,274 --> 00:24:29,999
♪ Oh, to hold you near me ♪
498
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,107
♪ oh, to hold you near me ♪
499
00:24:31,108 --> 00:24:38,942
♪ ♪
500
00:24:42,075 --> 00:24:45,308
♪ every time I think ♪
501
00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:46,341
♪ there's no one ♪
502
00:24:46,342 --> 00:24:47,675
Congratulations...
503
00:24:50,076 --> 00:24:51,254
Dad.
504
00:24:51,276 --> 00:24:54,775
♪ Every time I wonder ♪
505
00:24:54,776 --> 00:24:57,175
♪ how I'll cope ♪
506
00:24:57,176 --> 00:24:59,999
♪ ♪
507
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:00,543
♪ ♪
508
00:25:00,544 --> 00:25:05,043
♪ can't wait for the sun to shine ♪
509
00:25:05,044 --> 00:25:10,143
♪ whatever light I hope to find... ♪
510
00:25:10,144 --> 00:25:11,843
Sorry.
511
00:25:14,077 --> 00:25:15,109
Honestly.
512
00:25:15,110 --> 00:25:16,610
Fucked him.
513
00:25:16,611 --> 00:25:17,777
You did not. You looked at him.
514
00:25:17,778 --> 00:25:19,209
That may appear to be what happened,
515
00:25:19,210 --> 00:25:20,710
but we did it all.
516
00:25:20,711 --> 00:25:22,243
Oh, yeah? And how was he?
517
00:25:22,244 --> 00:25:24,243
Fabulous.
518
00:25:24,244 --> 00:25:25,843
- Want one?
- No.
519
00:25:25,844 --> 00:25:29,077
More for me.
520
00:25:29,078 --> 00:25:31,077
Listen, you're going to go
say good night to Lindsay.
521
00:25:31,078 --> 00:25:32,944
You're going to go home, go to bed,
522
00:25:32,945 --> 00:25:35,611
and get up and go to
work for the next 20 years
523
00:25:35,612 --> 00:25:37,778
to support your kid.
524
00:25:37,779 --> 00:25:39,878
You see this line, how deep it is?
525
00:25:39,879 --> 00:25:41,511
That means you're very creative.
526
00:25:41,512 --> 00:25:42,811
That's true.
527
00:25:42,812 --> 00:25:44,178
I want to be a cartoonist
or a computer animator.
528
00:25:44,179 --> 00:25:46,644
It's far too lesbianic
out here for a young boy.
529
00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:48,678
Out.
530
00:25:48,679 --> 00:25:50,079
I'll meet you out front.
531
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,745
I'm sorry, sir, you'll
have to come back tomorrow.
532
00:25:56,746 --> 00:25:58,078
The mother needs her rest.
533
00:25:58,079 --> 00:25:59,278
And so does the father.
534
00:25:59,279 --> 00:26:01,646
It's okay, Nurse.
535
00:26:05,013 --> 00:26:07,812
Sweet dreams, Sonny Boy.
536
00:26:07,813 --> 00:26:09,746
First night on earth.
537
00:26:10,947 --> 00:26:14,046
Hon, could you get me some
ice and maybe something fizzy?
538
00:26:14,047 --> 00:26:15,546
How about some ginger ale?
539
00:26:15,547 --> 00:26:18,681
Mm. Mwah.
540
00:26:22,180 --> 00:26:23,680
Uh, anything for you?
541
00:26:23,681 --> 00:26:26,814
Uh, if you see any amyl
nitrate laying around.
542
00:26:34,548 --> 00:26:35,781
Alone at last.
543
00:26:35,782 --> 00:26:39,647
Careful.
544
00:26:39,648 --> 00:26:43,547
Well, here we are.
545
00:26:43,548 --> 00:26:46,514
Ma and Pa.
546
00:26:46,515 --> 00:26:47,881
[Crying]
547
00:26:47,882 --> 00:26:49,182
Hey.
548
00:26:52,449 --> 00:26:55,048
Don't mind me.
549
00:26:55,049 --> 00:26:57,950
Just feeling a little... vulnerable.
550
00:27:01,215 --> 00:27:04,548
[Laughing]
551
00:27:04,549 --> 00:27:07,049
I promise not to tell.
552
00:27:07,050 --> 00:27:09,549
Who would have thought?
553
00:27:09,550 --> 00:27:10,949
You and me.
554
00:27:10,950 --> 00:27:14,182
Parents.
555
00:27:14,183 --> 00:27:18,182
It's pretty scary, boys and girls.
556
00:27:18,183 --> 00:27:21,516
- Think it's too late to return it?
- We could try.
557
00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,983
I guess this means
we're finally grown-ups.
558
00:27:28,984 --> 00:27:30,717
"Don't say that, Wendy,
559
00:27:30,718 --> 00:27:31,950
we'll never grow up."
560
00:27:31,951 --> 00:27:34,016
Don't be scared.
561
00:27:34,017 --> 00:27:38,084
Hell, if our parents
could fuck up, so can we.
562
00:27:41,651 --> 00:27:43,517
I don't want you to worry.
563
00:27:43,518 --> 00:27:44,984
About money, I mean.
564
00:27:44,985 --> 00:27:46,483
If you need anything...
565
00:27:46,484 --> 00:27:49,051
no, we'll be all right.
566
00:27:49,052 --> 00:27:50,918
But thanks.
567
00:27:56,485 --> 00:27:58,084
I would've fucked you, you know?
568
00:27:58,085 --> 00:27:59,999
Ohh.
569
00:28:00,054 --> 00:28:01,384
If I wasn't afraid
570
00:28:01,385 --> 00:28:02,551
your lover'd beat the shit out of me.
571
00:28:02,552 --> 00:28:04,118
Stop.
572
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:05,484
I mean it.
573
00:28:05,485 --> 00:28:07,085
She could take out Oscar de la Renta.
574
00:28:07,086 --> 00:28:10,519
You mean La Hoya.
575
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,785
- Whatever.
- [Both chuckle]
576
00:28:12,786 --> 00:28:16,385
Well, you had plenty of chances.
577
00:28:16,386 --> 00:28:18,719
And I took advantage
of a few, if I recall.
578
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,686
It wasn't half bad.
579
00:28:21,687 --> 00:28:24,053
Now you tell me?
580
00:28:24,054 --> 00:28:27,686
You mean I could have been
straight this whole time?
581
00:28:27,687 --> 00:28:29,999
I wouldn't say that.
582
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:30,588
I wouldn't say that.
583
00:28:30,589 --> 00:28:33,387
Well, then I guess it's just as well.
584
00:28:42,055 --> 00:28:44,021
Ice?
585
00:28:45,588 --> 00:28:47,954
Tick-tick-tick.
586
00:28:47,955 --> 00:28:49,987
Tick.
587
00:28:49,988 --> 00:28:51,421
Tick.
588
00:28:51,422 --> 00:28:52,521
Tick.
589
00:28:52,522 --> 00:28:53,854
Tick.
590
00:28:53,855 --> 00:28:56,854
What are you doing?
591
00:28:56,855 --> 00:28:58,654
I'm just repeating the first words
592
00:28:58,655 --> 00:29:00,322
my Sonny Boy said to me.
593
00:29:00,323 --> 00:29:02,421
It wasn't "da-da."
594
00:29:02,422 --> 00:29:05,754
It was, "tick-tick-tick-tick."
595
00:29:05,755 --> 00:29:09,622
Smart little fucker.
596
00:29:09,623 --> 00:29:11,722
He can tell time already.
597
00:29:11,723 --> 00:29:14,922
Brian, what did you take?
598
00:29:14,923 --> 00:29:19,488
♪ a-b-c-d-e-e-e ♪
599
00:29:19,489 --> 00:29:20,722
[Chuckles]
600
00:29:20,723 --> 00:29:23,623
I'm just teaching my kid the alphabet.
601
00:29:26,023 --> 00:29:27,956
I'm going to fuck you.
602
00:29:27,957 --> 00:29:32,323
I'm going to fuck you all... night.
603
00:29:32,324 --> 00:29:34,389
♪ ♪
604
00:29:34,390 --> 00:29:35,790
[Panting]
605
00:29:35,791 --> 00:29:38,457
[Zipper unzips]
606
00:29:42,490 --> 00:29:46,324
[Revs engine, tires screech]
607
00:29:46,325 --> 00:29:47,490
Shit!
608
00:29:47,491 --> 00:29:49,624
Sorry, I didn't want to hit that doggie.
609
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:51,390
Fuck the doggie.
610
00:29:51,391 --> 00:29:52,824
Okay, boy wonder.
611
00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:54,724
I'm taking you home. Where do I turn?
612
00:29:54,725 --> 00:29:55,857
He's going with me.
613
00:29:55,858 --> 00:29:57,324
Oh, no, he's not.
614
00:29:57,325 --> 00:29:59,657
Pop quiz. No talking.
615
00:29:59,658 --> 00:30:01,824
Here's a question. Multiple choice.
616
00:30:01,825 --> 00:30:03,358
Do you want to come home with me?
617
00:30:03,359 --> 00:30:04,857
"A," yes.
618
00:30:04,858 --> 00:30:06,757
"B," yes.
619
00:30:06,758 --> 00:30:09,391
Or "C," yes.
620
00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:10,692
Tick, tick, tick. Time's up.
621
00:30:10,693 --> 00:30:13,592
Pencils down. What do you say?
622
00:30:13,593 --> 00:30:15,625
None of the above.
623
00:30:15,626 --> 00:30:16,559
He's going home.
624
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:18,392
I'm going with him.
625
00:30:20,559 --> 00:30:22,892
Good boy.
626
00:30:22,893 --> 00:30:25,026
You get an A-plus.
627
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:30,000
[Heavy breathing]
628
00:30:30,001 --> 00:30:31,993
[Heavy breathing]
629
00:30:36,493 --> 00:30:38,894
[Gasping]
630
00:30:42,394 --> 00:30:45,226
[Gasping loudly]
631
00:30:45,227 --> 00:30:47,894
Now you know what rimming is.
632
00:30:50,628 --> 00:30:53,327
He calls me, practically
begs me to go with him,
633
00:30:53,328 --> 00:30:54,827
knowing full well I'm with someone
634
00:30:54,828 --> 00:30:56,827
for the first time in
I don't know how long.
635
00:30:56,828 --> 00:30:59,694
Seven months, two weeks, and three days.
636
00:30:59,695 --> 00:31:01,361
Thank you.
637
00:31:01,362 --> 00:31:03,361
And even though the guy wasn't
all he was cracked up to be...
638
00:31:03,362 --> 00:31:05,261
We'll let that remark pass.
639
00:31:05,262 --> 00:31:07,294
At least he wanted me.
640
00:31:07,295 --> 00:31:08,429
Me.
641
00:31:11,829 --> 00:31:14,895
God, I am so horny!
642
00:31:14,896 --> 00:31:17,227
Poor baby.
643
00:31:17,228 --> 00:31:18,628
Well, I have just the thing.
644
00:31:18,629 --> 00:31:20,494
A new porn video.
645
00:31:20,495 --> 00:31:24,429
It all takes place in
a prisoner-of-war camp.
646
00:31:24,430 --> 00:31:27,596
"Hot, horny men starved for action."
647
00:31:27,597 --> 00:31:29,495
I can relate to that.
648
00:31:29,496 --> 00:31:32,362
Guaranteed to make your
privates stand up and salute.
649
00:31:32,363 --> 00:31:33,629
Schindler's Fist?
650
00:31:33,630 --> 00:31:35,362
[Groans]
651
00:31:35,363 --> 00:31:38,262
Here, I will leave you two alone.
652
00:31:38,263 --> 00:31:39,529
I'm sure you're going to have a deep,
653
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:41,629
meaningful relationship.
654
00:31:41,630 --> 00:31:43,431
Good night.
655
00:31:48,397 --> 00:31:51,496
[On TV] Okay, private,
drop trou and bend over.
656
00:31:51,497 --> 00:31:52,630
[On TV] For my physical, sir?
657
00:31:52,631 --> 00:31:54,463
No, target practice.
658
00:31:54,464 --> 00:31:55,597
Yes, sir.
659
00:31:55,598 --> 00:31:57,229
[Lecherous chuckle]
660
00:31:57,230 --> 00:31:58,797
Put your legs up...
661
00:31:58,798 --> 00:32:02,730
On my shoulders.
662
00:32:02,731 --> 00:32:04,231
That's it.
663
00:32:05,798 --> 00:32:07,397
Oh, wait.
664
00:32:07,398 --> 00:32:09,431
In school, we had this lecture...
665
00:32:09,432 --> 00:32:12,397
About safe sex.
666
00:32:12,398 --> 00:32:15,165
And now we're going to
have a demonstration.
667
00:32:18,365 --> 00:32:19,365
Ptuh!
668
00:32:21,433 --> 00:32:23,698
Put it on me.
669
00:32:23,699 --> 00:32:25,599
Go on.
670
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,166
Slip it on my dick.
671
00:32:38,300 --> 00:32:40,599
Ah! It's cold.
672
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:42,133
It'll heat up.
673
00:32:44,267 --> 00:32:45,499
Just...
674
00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:47,467
Go slow, okay?
675
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,600
Agh!
676
00:32:56,601 --> 00:32:59,334
Ah! Ah!
677
00:32:59,335 --> 00:33:02,100
[Panting] It hurts.
678
00:33:02,101 --> 00:33:03,467
Does it always hurt?
679
00:33:03,468 --> 00:33:06,634
A little bit.
680
00:33:06,635 --> 00:33:09,601
But that's a part of it.
681
00:33:09,602 --> 00:33:12,467
[Exhales]
682
00:33:12,468 --> 00:33:13,568
Now relax.
683
00:33:17,169 --> 00:33:21,701
I want you to always remember this.
684
00:33:21,702 --> 00:33:27,468
So that no matter who
you're ever with...
685
00:33:27,469 --> 00:33:30,836
I'll always be there.
686
00:33:30,837 --> 00:33:33,735
♪ Wherever you go ♪
687
00:33:33,736 --> 00:33:35,835
♪ ♪
688
00:33:35,836 --> 00:33:39,468
♪ whatever you do ♪
689
00:33:39,469 --> 00:33:44,302
♪ you'll never forget me, baby ♪
690
00:33:44,303 --> 00:33:48,235
♪ I'll be a part of you ♪
691
00:33:48,236 --> 00:33:53,070
♪ I'll be a part of you ♪
692
00:33:53,071 --> 00:33:57,270
- ♪ wherever you go ♪
- [Groaning and gasping]
693
00:33:57,271 --> 00:34:00,637
♪ carry me with you, baby ♪
694
00:34:00,638 --> 00:34:05,070
[Groaning]
695
00:34:05,071 --> 00:34:13,105
♪ ♪
696
00:34:14,371 --> 00:34:17,470
♪ carry me with you ♪
697
00:34:17,471 --> 00:34:18,704
[Alarm clock chirping]
698
00:34:18,705 --> 00:34:22,605
♪ For better or worse ♪
699
00:34:22,606 --> 00:34:26,739
♪ carry me with you, baby... ♪
700
00:34:30,439 --> 00:34:33,073
[Sighs]
701
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:54,606
What the fuck are you doing here?
702
00:34:54,607 --> 00:34:58,572
You said I could stay.
703
00:34:58,573 --> 00:34:59,739
Right.
704
00:34:59,740 --> 00:35:01,540
Your parents.
705
00:35:01,541 --> 00:35:04,274
They think you're at a friend's.
706
00:35:11,407 --> 00:35:14,307
Jesus Christ! What the hell happened?
707
00:35:15,741 --> 00:35:17,207
[Laughs]
708
00:35:17,208 --> 00:35:19,174
Don't tell me.
709
00:35:19,175 --> 00:35:20,574
I was doing handstands.
710
00:35:20,575 --> 00:35:22,240
And juggling.
711
00:35:22,241 --> 00:35:24,341
You're not very good.
712
00:35:24,342 --> 00:35:26,374
Shit.
713
00:35:26,375 --> 00:35:29,574
Why do I do these things?
714
00:35:29,575 --> 00:35:31,307
I'll tell you why.
715
00:35:31,308 --> 00:35:34,275
It was that fucking pig Anita.
716
00:35:34,276 --> 00:35:36,541
She told me that was
"E." That wasn't "E,"
717
00:35:36,542 --> 00:35:39,608
that was some shit they cooked
up in a bathtub in Tijuana.
718
00:35:39,609 --> 00:35:41,508
That's why you should never take drugs
719
00:35:41,509 --> 00:35:43,241
that aren't prescribed by a physician
720
00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:46,676
or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.
721
00:35:48,443 --> 00:35:50,208
[Chuckles]
722
00:35:50,209 --> 00:35:51,342
What are you,
723
00:35:51,343 --> 00:35:53,676
a public service announcement?
724
00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:57,942
Get dressed, I'll drive you home.
725
00:35:57,943 --> 00:36:00,676
You can't.
726
00:36:00,677 --> 00:36:03,643
- Michael has the car.
- Why has he got it?
727
00:36:03,644 --> 00:36:05,476
- You were too high...
- I know what happened.
728
00:36:05,477 --> 00:36:07,576
I was there.
729
00:36:07,577 --> 00:36:11,176
I remember everything...
730
00:36:11,177 --> 00:36:12,444
Perfectly.
731
00:36:15,044 --> 00:36:16,443
What was your name again?
732
00:36:16,444 --> 00:36:19,510
Justin.
733
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:22,910
Yeah, right.
734
00:36:22,911 --> 00:36:25,210
[Sighing]
735
00:36:25,211 --> 00:36:26,510
Can I take a shower?
736
00:36:26,511 --> 00:36:29,044
Yeah, but hurry up.
737
00:36:29,045 --> 00:36:31,444
It's through there...
738
00:36:31,445 --> 00:36:33,545
I think.
739
00:36:42,912 --> 00:36:44,511
[Answering machine beeps]
740
00:36:44,512 --> 00:36:45,321
[On machine] Where the hell are you?
741
00:36:45,345 --> 00:36:46,945
I've been trying your
cell. It's turned off.
742
00:36:47,246 --> 00:36:49,045
If you're there, pick up!
743
00:36:49,046 --> 00:36:51,211
Brian? Listen, Lindsay's water broke.
744
00:36:51,212 --> 00:36:53,913
She's having contractions.
We're at the hospital.
745
00:36:56,946 --> 00:36:58,979
Fuck! I have a baby.
746
00:36:58,980 --> 00:37:01,446
[Shower running, Justin humming]
747
00:37:01,447 --> 00:37:03,579
Ow! Ow!
748
00:37:03,580 --> 00:37:06,046
Two babies.
749
00:37:08,614 --> 00:37:10,346
[Car alarm whooping]
750
00:37:10,347 --> 00:37:11,580
[Glass smashes]
751
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,146
- Holy shit!
- [Spray can hissing]
752
00:37:22,147 --> 00:37:24,246
You little bastards! Get
the fuck away from there!
753
00:37:24,247 --> 00:37:25,980
- Faggot!
- Queer!
754
00:37:25,981 --> 00:37:27,280
Faggot!
755
00:37:27,281 --> 00:37:28,880
Who you calling a faggot?
756
00:37:28,881 --> 00:37:31,182
- We've seen you!
- Fucking queer!
757
00:37:48,182 --> 00:37:50,448
[Cheerful] Mornin'.
758
00:37:50,449 --> 00:37:52,448
[Laughs] Oh, my lord.
759
00:37:52,449 --> 00:37:53,548
Motherfuckers!
760
00:37:53,549 --> 00:37:55,449
I'm calling the cops.
761
00:37:55,450 --> 00:37:57,382
Brian is going to have a fit.
762
00:37:57,383 --> 00:37:59,881
You know how he feels about his Jeep.
763
00:37:59,882 --> 00:38:01,415
Well, if he cares so much about it
764
00:38:01,416 --> 00:38:03,148
then he shouldn't have lent it to me.
765
00:38:03,149 --> 00:38:06,182
He knows what a terrible
neighborhood this is.
766
00:38:06,183 --> 00:38:08,382
Well, I, uh, I was going
to ask for a lift to work,
767
00:38:08,383 --> 00:38:11,283
but, on second thought,
I think I'll walk.
768
00:38:11,284 --> 00:38:13,916
Have a nice day.
769
00:38:13,917 --> 00:38:16,050
Shit!
770
00:38:23,784 --> 00:38:26,985
[Shower running]
771
00:38:30,551 --> 00:38:32,517
Ahh.
772
00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:43,317
Why didn't you tell me I had a kid?
773
00:38:43,318 --> 00:38:45,217
You said you remembered everything.
774
00:38:45,218 --> 00:38:48,451
Ohh, it all happened so fast.
775
00:38:48,452 --> 00:38:50,251
What's his name again?
776
00:38:50,252 --> 00:38:52,018
Gus.
777
00:38:52,019 --> 00:38:54,018
I'm the one who decided.
778
00:38:54,019 --> 00:38:56,751
[Scoffs]
779
00:38:56,752 --> 00:38:58,018
Did you actually fuck her?
780
00:38:58,019 --> 00:39:00,119
- Who?
- Lindsay.
781
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,452
- You're awfully rude.
- Well, did you?
782
00:39:03,453 --> 00:39:05,352
I jerked off in a cup,
783
00:39:05,353 --> 00:39:07,285
and they squirted it up her.
784
00:39:07,286 --> 00:39:08,418
Gross.
785
00:39:08,419 --> 00:39:10,418
She must have really wanted a kid.
786
00:39:10,419 --> 00:39:12,952
Most women do.
787
00:39:12,953 --> 00:39:14,752
Even lesbians?
788
00:39:14,753 --> 00:39:18,086
Lesbians are women...
789
00:39:18,087 --> 00:39:20,753
Sort of.
790
00:39:20,754 --> 00:39:24,086
My mom says sometimes she
wished she never had me.
791
00:39:24,087 --> 00:39:25,419
That's probably because she's stuck
792
00:39:25,420 --> 00:39:28,754
with this annoying brat
for the rest of her life.
793
00:39:32,221 --> 00:39:34,720
So... Are you going to raise him?
794
00:39:34,721 --> 00:39:36,753
[Laughing] Me?
795
00:39:36,754 --> 00:39:39,020
No way.
796
00:39:39,021 --> 00:39:41,387
The munchers are.
797
00:39:41,388 --> 00:39:44,187
But I'll be around to provide
the masculine influence
798
00:39:44,188 --> 00:39:48,021
so important in every young boy's life.
799
00:39:48,022 --> 00:39:50,121
I bet Melanie could
do it better than you.
800
00:39:50,122 --> 00:39:52,887
Don't get smart or
I'll have to spank you.
801
00:39:52,888 --> 00:39:55,255
Really?
802
00:40:07,422 --> 00:40:11,389
You up for one more?
803
00:40:11,390 --> 00:40:13,722
[Grunts]
804
00:40:13,723 --> 00:40:16,888
[Rock song]
805
00:40:16,889 --> 00:40:21,222
♪ ♪
806
00:40:21,223 --> 00:40:24,456
- [Tires screech]
- Brian!
807
00:40:24,457 --> 00:40:29,999
♪ ♪
808
00:40:36,257 --> 00:40:40,091
Christ! Didn't you
get enough last night?
809
00:40:42,358 --> 00:40:47,124
There is no such thing as enough.
810
00:40:47,125 --> 00:40:49,690
Besides, I couldn't send him off
811
00:40:49,691 --> 00:40:52,857
without a nourishing,
high-protein breakfast.
812
00:40:52,858 --> 00:40:55,924
It's grrrreat!
813
00:40:55,925 --> 00:40:57,825
[Chuckles]
814
00:41:00,425 --> 00:41:01,825
Will you come on?
815
00:41:01,826 --> 00:41:04,424
I'm not going to be late because of you.
816
00:41:04,425 --> 00:41:10,125
♪ In a hurry ♪
817
00:41:10,126 --> 00:41:12,758
♪ light in the mirror ♪
818
00:41:12,759 --> 00:41:15,359
♪ nothing coming clearer ♪
819
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,092
I said hurry up!
820
00:41:18,093 --> 00:41:20,359
♪ And everybody else ♪
821
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,657
♪ is in a hurry ♪
822
00:41:24,292 --> 00:41:25,892
Yeah, what did she say?
823
00:41:25,893 --> 00:41:28,260
She said, "don't be late."
824
00:41:30,027 --> 00:41:32,659
Oh, that's beautiful, Mikey.
825
00:41:32,660 --> 00:41:34,360
Just beautiful.
826
00:41:34,361 --> 00:41:35,726
It's not my fault.
827
00:41:35,727 --> 00:41:38,159
I told you about those two
psychopaths down the street.
828
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:39,727
What, a couple of 12-year-olds?
829
00:41:39,728 --> 00:41:41,727
They start early these days.
830
00:41:41,728 --> 00:41:43,293
What are you laughing at?
831
00:41:43,294 --> 00:41:44,827
Nothing.
832
00:41:44,828 --> 00:41:47,227
You.
833
00:41:47,228 --> 00:41:49,961
You sound like my parents fighting.
834
00:41:52,694 --> 00:41:53,893
It doesn't matter anyway.
835
00:41:53,894 --> 00:41:55,828
It's a company car.
836
00:41:57,961 --> 00:42:00,729
Well, come on, we have to
take the child to school.
837
00:42:00,730 --> 00:42:03,127
In this?
838
00:42:03,128 --> 00:42:06,261
You care?
839
00:42:06,262 --> 00:42:08,029
Fuck, no.
840
00:42:11,595 --> 00:42:13,862
[Tires squeal]
841
00:42:15,730 --> 00:42:17,730
[Horn honks]
842
00:42:23,963 --> 00:42:26,595
[Tires squeal]
843
00:42:26,596 --> 00:42:27,862
[Students laughing]
844
00:42:27,863 --> 00:42:29,162
[All chattering]
- No way!
845
00:42:29,163 --> 00:42:31,296
- Look at that.
- Look at this.
846
00:42:31,297 --> 00:42:32,996
[Chattering continues]
847
00:42:32,997 --> 00:42:35,129
Here we are, Sonny Boy.
848
00:42:35,130 --> 00:42:37,096
And be sure to come
home right after school.
849
00:42:37,097 --> 00:42:38,663
No lingering on the playground
850
00:42:38,664 --> 00:42:40,997
or in the locker room
with the gym teacher.
851
00:42:40,998 --> 00:42:44,197
Oh, you did not tell him about that?
852
00:42:44,198 --> 00:42:46,596
It's the most famous shower
scene since Psycho.
853
00:42:46,597 --> 00:42:48,930
Hey, Justin!
854
00:42:48,931 --> 00:42:51,230
You want to suck me off? [Laughter]
855
00:42:51,231 --> 00:42:54,230
No, but I'll kick your tight
little virgin ass so hard
856
00:42:54,231 --> 00:42:55,697
you won't sit down for a week.
857
00:42:55,698 --> 00:42:58,064
[Laughter and chatter]
858
00:42:59,698 --> 00:43:01,932
Can we get out of here?
859
00:43:03,798 --> 00:43:05,264
When can I see you again?
860
00:43:05,265 --> 00:43:06,764
You can see me right now.
861
00:43:06,765 --> 00:43:08,597
I mean later, tonight.
862
00:43:08,598 --> 00:43:09,864
[Chuckles]
863
00:43:09,865 --> 00:43:12,998
Who knows where I'll be later tonight.
864
00:43:12,999 --> 00:43:15,298
Better go.
865
00:43:15,299 --> 00:43:18,898
Please?
866
00:43:18,899 --> 00:43:20,532
I'll see you in your dreams.
867
00:43:22,633 --> 00:43:25,133
[Engine starts]
868
00:43:29,566 --> 00:43:30,000
[School bell rings]
869
00:43:30,001 --> 00:43:32,567
[School bell rings]
870
00:43:35,866 --> 00:43:37,065
- [Tires screech]
- Oh, my God.
871
00:43:37,066 --> 00:43:39,867
[Indistinct chatter]
872
00:43:42,700 --> 00:43:44,599
Where have you been?
873
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,100
Your mom called.
874
00:43:46,101 --> 00:43:47,766
I didn't know what to tell her.
875
00:43:47,767 --> 00:43:49,766
I said you were still asleep.
876
00:43:49,767 --> 00:43:52,533
I just saw the face of God.
877
00:43:52,534 --> 00:43:53,667
Huh?
878
00:43:53,668 --> 00:43:56,100
His name is Brian Kinney.
879
00:43:56,101 --> 00:43:57,966
[Car horns blaring]
880
00:43:57,967 --> 00:43:59,800
Thank God he's finally gone.
881
00:43:59,801 --> 00:44:02,001
He almost wore me out.
882
00:44:02,002 --> 00:44:04,634
Somebody wore you out?
883
00:44:04,635 --> 00:44:08,134
I said almost.
884
00:44:08,135 --> 00:44:10,067
I'll drop you by the store.
885
00:44:10,068 --> 00:44:11,667
Heh, the hell you will.
886
00:44:11,668 --> 00:44:13,134
You better get this thing repainted
887
00:44:13,135 --> 00:44:14,601
before you go into the office.
888
00:44:14,602 --> 00:44:16,501
I'm not having it repainted.
889
00:44:16,502 --> 00:44:17,768
What?
890
00:44:17,769 --> 00:44:19,134
I like it this way.
891
00:44:19,135 --> 00:44:20,868
Are you crazy?
892
00:44:20,869 --> 00:44:24,601
[Car horns beeping]
893
00:44:24,602 --> 00:44:25,968
No, they are.
894
00:44:25,969 --> 00:44:28,469
Well, I say fuck 'em.
895
00:44:28,470 --> 00:44:32,202
They can write it in
neon across the sky.
896
00:44:32,203 --> 00:44:34,643
- Faggot!
- [Laughs]
897
00:44:34,644 --> 00:44:35,811
Ha ha!
898
00:44:35,812 --> 00:44:37,212
[Both laughing]
899
00:44:37,213 --> 00:44:38,714
[Car horns honking]
900
00:44:38,715 --> 00:44:41,750
[Rock song]
901
00:44:41,751 --> 00:44:49,792
♪ ♪
902
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:54,029
[Mellow pop ballad]
903
00:44:54,030 --> 00:44:59,030
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
904
00:45:04,273 --> 00:45:10,579
♪ if I could lay me down now ♪
905
00:45:10,580 --> 00:45:16,651
♪ if I could pray and sleep ♪
906
00:45:16,652 --> 00:45:22,724
♪ the night never ending ♪
907
00:45:22,725 --> 00:45:24,893
♪ my weary soul... ♪
908
00:45:24,894 --> 00:45:27,863
[Techno music, cries and grunts]
909
00:45:27,864 --> 00:45:29,999
♪ ♪
910
00:46:10,606 --> 00:46:12,542
[Woman laughing]
911
00:47:40,029 --> 00:47:41,563
♪ Come on ♪
912
00:47:41,564 --> 00:47:46,034
♪ ♪
913
00:47:46,035 --> 00:47:47,736
♪ I wanna hear it ♪
914
00:47:47,737 --> 00:47:48,738
♪ ♪
58956
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