Original subtitles

I need water.

-What? -I need water.

Oh, come on, come on.

-Oh! -Whoa, careful.

And run.

-Yep. -Oh, jeez.

I have

such a big day today.

I shaved my legs, I shaved my armpits, I washed my

hair with the good shampoo but not the good conditioner.

Don't make fun of me.

This is not coming off.

We're going to have to just cut your arms

off or put you in the shower again or something.

Oh, it's everywhere. I have blue nipples.

Who cares?

I'm a freak.

No one will love me.

Actually, they would really love you if you went to

work like this, but that's probably not a good idea.

Yeah, probably not.

Oh, it's all over me.

Yeah, that's not good.

Keep working on my arm.

I'll work on the arm.

You work the torso.

So I have some pretty cool news.

What's cool?

I got a new job.

I upgraded.

What'd you upgrade to?

Well, I quit my job and now I don't have a job.

What I want to do today is go to the beach and hang out

and that's my goal and I'm going to complete it and I'm

going to feel good about that and I think you should come with me.

I have to go to work.

You have

to take a day off.

They're going to think you're a freak if you keep going into work.

Seriously. They won't think I'm a freak. They will.

It's against the rules.

They'll think that's a very industrious young woman.

We should hire her.

Why don't you take one day off and come to the beach with me.

We'll hang out.

It's a big day.

It's a big day today.

What's so big?

Cheers.

No.

So, um, you quit your job, huh?

Yes.

I quit my job.

-I quit my job. -I did quit my job.

Hannah's very excited about this.

-I'm very excited. -She's very excited.

I think that's awesome. He's pursuing a full-time...

It's a step up of him pursuing nothing.

What do you mean?

Pursuing nothing?

I'm a nihilist now.

I believe in nothing.

Now it's time for us to start a new band.

I mean, you know, find, like...

He's not really sure that music makes him happy anymore either.

Nothing makes anybody happy.

-Right? -You're right.

Actually, Hannah can tell you all about it.

-I can. -You go ahead.

Give her the scoop.

Well, you know, his job doesn't make him happy, and he's not

sure music makes him happy, but he wants to go to the beach with me.

You got it.

So who are you sleeping with at work?

I'm not sleeping with anyone.

Where did that come from?

You're all dressed up.

I'm not sleeping with anyone.

I'm just kidding.

Funny.

Okay, this looks good.

Yeah, you can put it a little tighter.

It doesn't go tighter.

♪

♪

So, um, like 2 o'clock today, we got her

up for meeting up, talking about the show.

All of us, I guess, we can do that.

Um, basically just going over the pilot,

what's gonna happen, and um, shit.

So, um, we got, yeah, let's just go over some of that basic stuff.

These girls are gonna get some lunch, and I'm

gonna go check my email and update my blog and all that.

So, I will, we'll just meet that too.

-Okay. -Just pilot stuff. -2 o'clock.

Cool.

We have until 2 o'clock.

-Fantastic. -To do nothing.

As usual.

Um, what are you gonna do?

I'm down with American history again.

How long was Franklin in Paris?

Uh, I don't know.

I'm not up to that part yet.

I think he wrote a lot of this in Paris, but he doesn't get that far.

Oh, right. Was he over there more than once?

Jefferson went to Paris.

That's right.

He, I mean, he was, that's why we have ice cream.

Because he went to Paris and they knew how

to make ice cream, and then he brought it back.

Well, he didn't bring back actual ice cream.

He brought back the recipe, the idea behind ice

cream to the United States, and that's why we have it.

That's why we call it Jefferson's cream.

Yeah.

Yeah.

-Uh-oh. -Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Put your hands on the board. Put me on the board.

That was an ambush!

It wasn't an ambush.

-Ambush! -You like bread? -I love bread.

Okay.

This is history.

You've broken the gender barrier.

You're coming tonight?

Oh, of course.

You don't have to.

No, I'm really excited.

I am excited.

Well, awesome.

It's going to be great.

So, I want to know what your take on Stripes is.

Stripes?

Do you guys know Hannah?

Do you know where she is?

I'm her boyfriend.

I'm not, like, stalking her.

She's probably in the production office.

Yeah.

If you, like, go left out the door, it's just down the hall.

That way.

Okay.

If you go somewhere and you stay in a hotel, or even if

you just stay with, like, your friend who you know, then

it kind of sucks, but if you go and somehow meet someone,

you get invited to the home, and you learn something

about their culture, they say, please, come to my funeral with me.

I was in Tiananmen Square about ten

years ago, and I was waiting...

You were that guy.

I don't like to talk about it.

But it was after that, and I was waiting for them to do this

flag-raising ceremony, and I was sitting there, and I was drawing

in my journal, and a little kid came over and watched me draw,

and so I, like, ripped the thing out and gave it to him, and then

there's, like, another kid, and I drew, and I was, like, getting

excited, because I was like, oh, I'm the ambassador of, you know, of rainbows.

And I was writing, hi, I'm from America, like, nice

to meet you, and, like, just drawing, like, stupid...

I'm sorry.

And, uh...

And all of a sudden, I, like, I realized there's no one

around me, and I look up, and there's eight cops, Chinese policemen.

And another one rides up on a bike,

going, oh, you know, where is he, where is he?

And one of them's holding one of the drawings, and I

realize I'm standing in Tiananmen Square, handing out...

Hey, hey.

Hey, guys.

Hey, I'm Mike.

-Hey, I'm Matt. -Matt, nice to meet you.

-Paul. -Paul, Mike.

Nice to meet you.

Um...

Yeah.

-Um... -Are you guys going...

Is it okay if I get a lunch?

Because I was thinking, like, do the lunch, and then

Jeremy's band is playing at the Empty Bottle tonight.

We got a beach tomorrow, so...

Lunch.

I have this thing tonight, this work thing.

Um, but it's a party.

Oh, okay.

And if you have something, um, better to do

besides party, I'll not make you feel obliged.

No, I don't have anything...

And by the same token, Mike, if you want to come

along to the party, you're certainly welcome to.

We're having, like, a little work office gathering, which you're invited to.

I mean, outside people are allowed.

That sounds great.

And, you know, depending on how loud he goes,

we could even go after her or something, so...

That sounds great.

-Okay. -Thanks for...

Yeah. Okay. Well, now I have a party dress and a person.

Party dress.

Yeah.

-Cool. -Do you want to go?

Yes. Alright. Do you want to pick up your phone in case somebody calls you?

-Sorry. -They were telling the anecdote.

I couldn't...

Don't worry about it.

You guys will see.

Just look out.

I'm going to get on that board.

Do you need me to bring anything for the party tonight?

Uh, just your handsome face.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye.

I'll be back.

-Okay. -I hope so.

See ya.

we never get to the end of your story it was about

Chinese food we could do that yeah we could

definitely do that what just happened we made a new friend

I didn't get to finish my humorous anecdote.

You didn't? No. You can finish it for me.

Let's be honest.

Who was actually listening to the anecdote and has two thumbs?

Nothing personal.

We should wait until the first person arrives, and then we start making it.

But that, yeah, that makes sense.

And then it involves them also in the process of making the...

Yeah, the first person is generally uncomfortable to be at a party.

Understandable.

If you walk into this fuckin' place...

This, uh, yeah.

Wait, how does this...

It's like you're gonna peel it off the back.

I hope Hannah's boyfriend appreciates this.

-Yeah. -I think he's very sophisticated.

Dude, we wanna go...

Take me to the zone, man.

Wherever you are, that's where I wanna go.

He's unemployed.

Well, that has nothing to do with my...

It's because you're free and because you're...

I've decided that...

Working didn't make me happy.

And playing in bands didn't make me happy.

And I'm always, like, trying to seek out something to make me happy.

So I'm just gonna do nothing for a while.

And I'm gonna try to do that really well.

And...

I know it sounds stupid, but...

There's something to be said for that.

I'm just figuring it out right now.

I just started today.

So today, I went to the beach.

And, uh...

Got some sun.

♪

was something. I guess when I say nothing, I

mean more like I'm not seeking out a professional.

So wait, Hannah has been telling me about this thing that you

guys are writing, and I don't really know much about it, so...

I'm curious. Well, we're here, we're writing

it, and there's a dude, our boss is on here, he

created a show, and all these people want to do it.

I don't think I get this whole time.

The whole, this is the concept.

The concept, let me explain the work, because you don't work, but if you did...

-I have worked. -I know, I know.

I mean, I described it in the beginning as an insult, but I'm just saying.

No, no, no, I get it, I get it.

That if, like, a work party is a thing where

people go in and talk about things other than work.

Right. It's kind of weird, I gotta admit, because

I'm supposed to be a host here, because it's my place.

You're doing a great job.

-No. -This is amazing stuff.

The dip is... The dip is wonderful, the beer is great.

I've told you about this show.

I'm happy to be here.

I've told you about it. I know you've told me

about it, but I want to hear it from the guys.

This place is great, man.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

So we're going to have another party here?

If you guys want to.

Yeah.

Will you co-host with me?

Co-host?

Yeah.

We'll just, like, come over here and say this is our party, too?

People do that.

I mean, especially when someone's living alone, they'll have someone...

Like, tonight, Matt was kind of my...

-Co-host. -He was your co-host.

Or, like, my consigliere, at least.

But he's also just your, you know...

My buddy. Yeah. But I'm saying if you guys...

Because you're the ones who do the parties, so you guys can be my buddies.

Well, he's the one who's good at the parties.

Yeah.

You are.

How old are you?

Uh, 28.

-28? -Yeah. -He's an older man.

-I'm an older man. -That's not so bad.

I actually thought it was worse.

You seem very mature to me.

-Ah, thanks. -But that's...

I have that 40 and...

40 and still fabulous.

40's the new 30.

-Yeah. -You sort of have a boyish...

-It's a lot. -That sounded...

I don't want to rescind that because it sounds like...

It's like a burn when you say...

If I said that to you, oh, I thought you

were older, then, like, that would be...

I get you.

I do. Like, I feel like you...

You feel like you want to apologize for some things, but I totally...

I get your humor.

I want to apologize for a lot of things.

I don't want you to, I don't want you to...

This is a thing that you should learn about in a real...

Let's just do this.

-Let's just do it. -Aw. -There you go.

It's all good, dog.

I'm really tired.

And I'm really hot.

I don't know.

What kind of jerk?

I wanted to be the funny one, and I'm never the funny one.

That's not true.

You are the funny one.

Not when he's around.

I want to make people laugh.

Thank you for letting me stay here.

Do you think it was bad that I didn't let him up?

What's the matter?

I guess not.

I just couldn't...

I couldn't be with him tonight.

I'll figure it out tomorrow.

We're gonna go to the beach tomorrow.

I'm gonna like...

I'll figure something out.

I'll sleep on this decision.

There's no decision, I don't know.

Mm.

Just a bit of that.

Okay.

Good night

I love you too.

Are you still awake?

Are you awake?

Yeah, I'm awake.

Do you think I should break up with him or stay together?

I don't know, it's your decision.

I don't want to make it.

Can you make it for me?

Mm-mm.

Fuck.

Um, close your eyes.

Are you gonna throw sand in my face?

I'm definitely not gonna throw sand in your face.

All right, just keep them closed, and look down.

All right, you're good.

-Whoa! -Goggles!

Dive mask!

This is awesome!

So there's, like, treasure out there, and we can go swim for treasure.

Oh, this is so nice!

This is, like...

You're great.

We can't open it.

And now you can open it for me.

Well, maybe we'll just use these in the tub tonight.

Yeah.

This is good.

Jacques Cousteau in the tub.

I had this cousin, Ronnie, who used to explore

the depths of my grandmother's pool with a mask.

You never told me about Ronnie.

We called him Ronnie Cousteau.

I don't know some things about you I've realized.

Yeah, that's probably true.

I have a cousin Ronnie who likes masks.

Um, what else is there?

When I was 13, I was in a two and a half

year relationship until I was 15 and a half.

That's amazing!

And we had this like big discussion about

whether we were going to go all the way or not.

We were convinced we were going to get married.

That's longer than I've ever been in anything in my whole life.

Yeah, her name was Amy and she was like, she was awesome.

And then I started getting into music

and stuff and I thought it was really cool.

And because she wasn't a musician, I broke up with her.

Fucking ass.

Yeah, because I was just like convinced that we wouldn't be able to share that.

And it was, you know, when you're first starting to

learn your art, maybe when you first got into

playwriting, it's like the most important thing in the world to you.

And so it's just like, she doesn't get this.

We're not gonna be able to share this.

And then I broke up with her and then I was depressed for like a year.

Until you were 16?

Until I was 16, yeah.

Then I got into sports and then I was like fine after that.

But yeah, I'm just not good with breakups.

I'm just not.

I don't know that most people are good at breakups.

I think I'm especially bad with breakups.

Yeah, well, okay.

Yeah.

You know, I didn't tell you this today yet,

but you look really beautiful in that mask.

Yeah, you really just, you look so gorgeous.

You're so nice today.

Thank you.

You look beautiful in your mask too.

-Thanks, man. -Here.

Thanks for telling me.

How's your foot doing?

It's okay.

It's got some sand in it but I think it's actually gonna make it better.

It looks better.

I really had a nice time today.

-Me too. -It was great.

It was good.

What?

Nothing.

-You sure you're okay? -Yeah, I'm good.

-You sure? -Yeah.

What's wrong?

I don't know, I'm feeling kind of hot.

-You're hot? -Yeah. -Alright, hold on.

Just take a second, I'll be right back.

Okay.

Don't move.

I don't know how this is going to work out, but

I've seen something like this on Cinemax before.

Um, Cinemax?

Yeah, Cinemax 2, actually.

It's really cold.

Here, I'll lift up your arm and just close it down.

Yeah!

It's good, right?

Yeah, it's good.

And this is what, alright, this is what they do on Cinemax.

Let me show you how it goes.

Why do they smell like vinegar?

I don't think they smell like vinegar.

They smell a little bit.

This is what they do. The guy puts it in his mouth and he's like...

He actually doesn't make that noise.

I don't know what I'm talking about.

But thank you guys.

I'll be right back.

Look, I've been through a ball.

They'll do these kinds of things where they're like...

And you see the...

And they're stuck listening and they're like...

Uh...

And they lick and...

Uh...

Yeah.

You're like, quivering right now.

I know, I feel like...

Okay, all right, all right, okay, all right.

I don't really know, um, I think, um.

You're freaking out.

I don't know.

I'm sorry, um...

Hannah, what are you...

Do you wanna, um...

you can't

I know I

know what you're gonna say so I'm not

gonna say anything I'm not saying anything

Mmm.

I just I don't think you um can I just be honest I

know I'm always like laughing with you I'm never yeah

I don't think you can touch me anymore.

Okay.

And you can't just leave me like this.

I'm not.

We please

Hannah?

What?

You want me to go no, I'm sorry.

I'm doing this all wrong.

Um

I'm just going to, like, make it easier on you.

What?

I'm breaking up with you.

Because you want to break up with me and you can't do it, so...

Um...

-You know what? -It's no big deal.

Whatever. It's fine. You know we have sex and...

You're right. I don't know your sister's names.

And...

I'm sorry.

And it'll be fine.

I'm like not upset.

I'm like not even upset.

I'm upset.

It's weird. I thought I was gonna be really upset, but I'm not upset.

I'm really upset

-Okay. -See you later.

I got a good

i got a good day i got a lovely day

I got a lovely day.

I got a lovely day

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Yeah

♪

♪

♪

I'll do the same for you, come back.

I also own a fucking lion ass.

She can't make you do it.

Am I blocking it?

Oh

And you have to get me in it.

Too late.

No, no.

It's gonna wait.

Oh, come on!

Jeez.

No!

What I'm saying is that, like, I feel like most plays try to

speak to something about human nature that the player finds is true.

And I think that it's hip right now to look at

the world and have it be grim in a certain way.

Like, that everyone's fucking each other over.

But I just think that the most massive tragedy is not

that people are trying to fuck each other over

purposefully, which seems like that's what a lot of plays are about.

The most massive tragedy is that nobody really actually listens to each other.

It's everybody going like this.

They're just like, everybody's in love with the wrong person

and nobody actually, like, hears what anybody else is saying ever.

And I, you know, I have to take off my

goggles because I'm going to say something important.

I mean, like, that's, that's like...

That's like why Shakespeare's so tragic.

It's it is tragic on the scale of like people are

doing terrible things But it's also tragic because

nobody hears what the other person is saying Nobody.

I'm trying to hear what you're saying I

know I just get really frustrated.

I'm trying to really listen.

I get really frustrated because I love things so much And I

and I feel like my that what what I do is so trite and small

♪

♪

Okay, I got something.

This'll cheer you up.

-Okay. -Are you ready? -Yeah.

I figured out this weekend how to get a six-pack.

Without going to the gym or dieting or...

-Sure. -Doing sit-ups.

You wanna see it?

Yes. It's amazing. It's like so simple.

-Yeah? -Okay. -Wait a minute.

Okay.

Okay.

Do we have to do anything?

No, no. Just watch. Just sit right here.

-Ready? -Okay, wait.

So, all you have to do is let the air out of your lungs.

You look like E.T.

You're obvious, Matt.

It looks like sex, Matt.

Where do you get this line from, Matt?

This is amazingly deep.

I think when I said, hey, you wanna see?

That's it.

This is a pack of hot dogs.

Come on.

That's amazing.

Can you do that again?

How many dogs is that?

I'm the only one I know who can do a proper six.

There's two on each side.

Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Ten dogs.

I can't believe how low you can get your boobs.

If I had a handlebar mustache this you could it's so weird cuz now you

actually do Yeah, yeah, I think that's a lot more impressive, but your

pet your pecs are like on your shoulders Superman That's a Halloween cop.

All right Come on I feel much better.

I really yes.

Thank you. You can't be nice to my boyfriend anymore.

I don't know his name

Yeah We don't even need all we just

bring that that's barbecue on feet.

Yeah That sounds good.

Okay, so before you came in I Was before the entertainment.

I was in the middle of the story about The phone call I had

this weekend with with was Marvin with the agent Mastery agent.

It's good already.

I don't know. Well, the back story is a couple months ago.

I get an email from this guy Marvin

the New York agent and he is

He says he's a fan of the blog and that I'm a fan of the blog too.

Thank you. Yeah, that's great And so he says that he he

wants to you know, go around and pitch this to Publishing

houses is something to do in print form And that's gonna be a book.

Well, we're you're like two or three or five

or six or seven or eight steps ahead Am I wrong?

His blog's gonna be well, this is no well, the

conversation this weekend was that he's he made it sound

like there was actual like Nibbles or that like we could

be expecting, you know to get it's amazing real Bids in this week.

It is kind of amazing I'm kind of that's that's really cool.

It would be cool. It would be cool and it's great because it's already

all written You just have to like put it together and oh I'm so sorry.

I was trying to learn as well.

I'm sorry

So now you're you're you've experienced success in so many

television, you know I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna tell you

something that I wouldn't sorry missing and I'm Allowing myself to enjoy

Good

No, now the barbecue has a purpose guys, right?

It's Paul's barbecue or his book Let's come dressed as Paul

Just in case

I just had it just in case cuz I get

Yeah, I need glasses then I left mine, oh wait, they're outside

once I get over here and you're gonna wear your watch upside down

Paul style, that's the move It's always later than you think

Um, we should probably get at work at some point.

You're already working.

You need...

-Yes? -You're working hard.

So...

I can't do an impression.

That was kind of cool.

It made me sound like Nicholson or something.

Nicholson? All you have to do is be self-deprecating.

I'm self-deprecating. Yeah. False humilities.

Mumble.

Yeah. Do you want to ride out on my birthday?

Yes, I was just going to launch into complaining.

-It's running like a dream. -Yeah, I was

just going to start complaining about the bus.

-Absolutely. -It's so hot.

I love that. Pretty soon, when this book

hits, I'm going to be able to afford it.

Just honk at me as you pass me on the bridge.

That's where most people throw their garbage at me while I'm paddling.

It would be nice if you just...

That part slipped out, right?

Someone threw a big gulp at me once.

Do you want to come up and meet my roommate?

-Absolutely. -Yeah? -Cool, thanks.

Alright.

Thank you. That was less painful than I thought.

Yeah, okay.

Cool.

Hey, it's Braco.

Hey.

Do you remember Paul?

At the party?

Yeah, how are you?

Good, how are you?

Good, okay.

-Nice to see you again. -Yeah, you too.

Bye.

Do you like your apartment?

Oh, well, yeah.

-Yeah. -It's our place. -We like it, too.

It's peaceful.

It's good. Yeah. The yellow in the middle is

the app, and then the red psychs you up again.

-Yeah. -The blue, it's balanced.

Do you want to sit down?

OK.

Paul just gave me a ride home from work, so it's nice.

Yeah. Awesome. What are you up to here?

Nothing.

Hanging out.

Just, like, killing time.

Looking for a job, but not really looking for a job right now.

I'm just kind of...

I'm going to go.

Okay.

I'm just going to go outside.

I've been in here for a really long time.

Okay.

Okay? Yeah. Alright, I'll see you guys.

Very nice to see you. Yeah, nice to see you again.

Bye.

Bye.

Do you think I'm doing okay at work?

I think you're, yeah, of course.

I think you're doing great at work.

Here.

Oh.

Hello?

Yes. Okay. I think you're doing a great job.

I think you are ridiculously bright, and I

think you have a great spirit.

And I think that you're probably the smartest person there.

And I think that Matt and I wouldn't be

subsumed in our own muck without you to lift us out.

And that's why I go to work every day.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Gotta go now.

It's the longest discharge I've been doing in my life.

♪

♪

I want you to look at these ideas that I have.

-Oh, cool. -Halloween costume ideas.

You will go as a ghost smelting a-o'-lantern.

It's not done yet.

I thought it would be really cool to have a costume

where it's a ghost and all the classic things together.

Good, good, good.

♪

♪

Ha ha.

Are you drunk?

Uh-huh.

Can I come in?

Of course.

Is it okay if I pee?

Obviously.

-Okay. -I'm coming in.

-Okay. -Thanks.

Um, this is the first time I've peed in front of you.

It's special to say.

I can't even see you.

I mean, not that, I don't know, that's not part of it, I guess.

But I can't see anything without my glasses.

But maybe later I can watch you feed.

Yeah, maybe.

We'll put it on the docket.

No, I think it's kind of sweet.

It's kind of...

I don't know. Romantic in an old person's head, right?

Mm-hmm.

Anyway, I'm done.

Okay.

I'm gonna go to your desk.

-Can I have you? -Okay. Yeah, I'm ready.

Oh.

Got it.

You can't even see me.

No, I can only see where you are.

You connected it well.

Okay.

See you.

Bye.

Look at that crazy guy.

-Mm-hmm. -Do you see him?

Do you see what he's doing?

Um, I don't...

But I don't really understand.

No, I've never seen that technique before.

Yeah.

He's the pioneer.

He's so wild.

Matt, you have to come see this guy.

This is one of the old-time...

-Yeah. -...greats. -This is like...

Crazy guy on the streets. This is A1 quality crazy.

Matt.

Matt. Matt. Matt, you have to come see the crazy guy.

Matt's not normal.

-Matt. -Oh, Matt.

Come see the crazy guy with us.

-Matt. -Matt, he's gonna finish...

This is also a lifetime thing.

I gotta finish this.

I gotta go see him.

You're missing one of Chicago's premier...

That's it.

Can I smell these roses and look at the crazy guy?

Matt you're totally missing this Bye, crazy guy.

These are for you.

Alright, alright. What do you want us to do?

Do you want us to work for you, ma'am?

Are you okay?

No, no, he's in the zone, I understand.

I've seen this man work before.

He's in the zone?

Yeah.

What can we do to help you through your time of trouble?

It's like we're going to marriage counseling.

Sorry.

Yeah, why don't you help us for a change, ma'am?

Sure, alright.

Matt, you better not be like this tonight.

-Come on. -What? -It's for your hair?

Yeah.

Stop smelling roses, man.

Don't give him my flowers.

I'm not giving them to him.

Hit us, what are- what are Brian and I doing today?

I just have to finish the scene.

Okay. Okay. And I'm- I'm honestly, you guys have fun, and

keep doing what you're doing, but don't- Don't involve you.

I feel like you have to suck me into it.

Yeah, I'm just trying to- I don't want

to be here doing this, but I am, so, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

I'm taking less of this concentration.

Fade to black.

We're in trouble.

I don't know.

I've never seen him do that before

Yeah, I'm fine.

-I'm so clumsy. -What did he do?

Look at that, wow.

He bruised in seconds flat.

It says that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll fix this.

This is my fault.

No, this is me.

Yeah, okay.

This is my problem.

I still feel like it's kind of my problem.

I swear to God he's good.

-I'll talk to him. -I love your garden.

Thanks.

I like it too.

What are these?

God, I don't know.

What are those?

Put them there.

They're magnets.

So that was like a funny joke?

Uh, was it?

Put it on the table.

And I'll let go of it.

That's neat.

Hold one end and we'll try to push them together.

Okay.

You mean like against?

Yeah.

They can't do it.

They like each other too much.

Alright, there we go.

Yeah, we got it.

It's like...

-No! -I want to ask you...

-What are you... -That

-looks... -That looks painful.

What do you need to ask me?

Okay, I want to know what you think of Bush League.

I like it.

It's great.

Alright, wait.

Give me...

Give me the marbles.

Why?

I want you to take...

Can I have them back, please?

This is what you get for hanging out with someone younger than you.

Oh, Bill, I'm in trouble.

Take the marbles out of your nose.

No.

Sorry, Dad.

You and Paul talk about this stuff all the time.

Yeah.

You know how he feels about it, right?

I know how he feels, yeah.

I don't really like things that are,

like, sort of explicitly about what they are.

I think it's both preaching to the choir, and I think, and I

think you're, because of that, like your audience is limited

because it's not like someone who is really conservative is gonna

turn on this show and then their minds will be changed by what they see on TV.

I don't think it's gonna like change the world or

get Bush in, but I don't understand why, if we're

working on it, why we can't be like, this is really good.

And now you're, now you're, when you're talking, you sound just like him.

Like you, you're saying things that he said.

No, no, no, I really came to these thoughts on

my own, it's not just because Paul said them to me.

I know, I know that I do, but I really, I hate it

when people date people and then they just pair

it with what they say, but that's not what I'm doing.

I actually did believe this before.

Okay.

Her thumbs are so close to me.

That has three lenses, or four lenses.

Yeah.

That's, you'll find that common motif in my three pictures.

Who is that? People pointing. This picture is special for two.

Yeah. Is that the girl sitting in this? Yeah.

Her name's Margot.

It's when something comes out at you, like, and it shoots in the direction.

This one's great because number one, you're really handsome in it.

Thank you.

And, um, oh, number two, cause it snapped right in for me.

Like it usually, that was my 3D.

My friend Charlie took that.

It's actually, he's really good.

You're playing the trumpet.

Yeah.

That's not important. Look, he looks like Tom Cruise.

I play the trumpet.

You play the trumpet?

Yeah.

For real? You look like, I play the trumpet.

Jessica Lyon.

I play the mean trumpet.

Do you really?

Yeah. I played in my high school marching band.

You're kidding.

I've, I've, I got a trumpet like five years ago and I took lessons.

That's so wild. Yeah. My teacher, my teacher at the time said I was a natural.

-Yeah. -Yeah. -Cause of my lip.

Cause I have a big fat lip.

That's so funny.

I really do play the trumpet.

Do you still play?

I play occasionally with Rocco.

Yeah, it's fun. You have a trumpet here in this apartment.

Yeah, I do. Are you kidding? Yeah, I definitely do.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, and, and I, and I, uh, no, I played in junior high

and high school and I've kind of like kept it up since, but.

You have kept it up.

A bit, a bit.

Yeah, not entirely.

That's crazy. Yeah, I've never met anyone who plays the trumpet.

We should play. I have like some music with a duets.

Yeah, two parts.

We could, we could get together.

We could play.

Rocco, are you gonna get in on that?

I could.

Maybe it would just be a double duet.

That'd be awesome. I haven't played in a

couple of years, so I'd like an excuse to.

-Agreement. -Yeah, seriously.

Shake.

Yeah.

We're playing the trumpet.

-That's awesome. -We should do that.

I did not even know there was such a thing as a, you want me to, you do me.

Okay, you get in there.

What's that? Hold me? No, are you okay?

I'm fine. Alright, this one's for you, Paul.

-Okay. -This one's for you. -Okay.

I think you'll like it.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, wait, wait. What is it? Well, it's gonna take me a minute to get it.

To snap it.

-Here, this one's for you. -I like it.

Okay.

Wow, I'm so excited we both play the trumpet.

I know, I feel like I found a friend.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like we're musical soulmates because very few

people choose the trumpet as the instrument they want to play.

It's a harsh instrument.

-Yeah. -Not social.

No.

♪

♪

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, so I'm

Yeah

Yeah, you know Marcus, okay.

Oh, I'm ready.

I'm ready for anything, okay, okay?

-Stay? -That was incredibly aggressive.

It was...

What do you want me to do?

I don't know. I wanted a soft, tender one.

I don't know. I don't feel very soft and tender.

Jungle cat.

Okay, fine.

Fine.

That was too soft.

I was looking for something in the middle.

But we'll come back to that.

We're going to work on that.

Tomorrow.

And tonight.

You could work, too, you know.

Work on what?

You?

-No. -You're gonna work on me tomorrow.

No, I'm gonna work on my play.

Exactly.

Soft and tender.

Because you understand.

I understand.

The work of the writer.

Right?

Yeah, I got it.

This is exactly what Eugene O'Neill would have done.

Yeah, well, Eugene O'Neill was an alcoholic.

and a fucking awesome writer.

Anyway, that's not the point.

The point is that I am crazy about

you and that's why tomorrow we're

gonna seriously consummate this tension that we're working on tonight.

Okay, fine.

Or consummate.

-Okay, fine. -Yeah? -Okay.

Okay.

-Bye. -Okay, see you tomorrow?

You're not mad? See you tomorrow? I'm gonna kiss your wound.

Yeah.

That's a sign of devotion.

You should stay.

No.

Careful. No. I'm gonna break something.

I'm not gonna break anything.

-Okay. -Okay. -I'll see

-I'll miss you already. -Yeah.

Bye.

Godspeed. I don't deserve you, you've been great.

Goodnight. Goodnight. See you tomorrow.

-Goodnight. -Take care.

-Yeah. -Be

♪

-I come back. -I will be.

I'm cute now.

-I know. -Yeah.

-I'm sorry. -Alright. -Okay.

♪

♪

♪

♪

okay okay okay all right okay so here

we go with the 1812 I don't

really don't expect anything all right I'm gonna face embarrassment

Could you just look at her?

This is going to be so humiliating when you're better than me.

Just look at her.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Yeah!

Yay!

We were cool!

You did really well.

I just gave you the smooth music right now though.

I'm actually very good.

I...

I'm sure.

♪

You have a lot of power in your blood.

-It's a blast. -That's right.

Mayonnaise war.

♪

♪

So are you looking at the notes or the numbers?

I kind of have just memorized.

But, I mean, originally, I have to never...

-Can I take this home? -Can I bring it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it home.

I bring it Monday to work? Yeah, definitely.

I'll copy it.

Okay, because... Do you want to play together?

Yeah.

Go slow. Can we, like, have a slow beat or something?

Yeah, go really slow.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Brainstorm. -Get your mind working.

Exercise it.

Bananas for the brain.

So, uh, let's say, okay, we get a new client calling up.

And, um, yeah, Minnie, just answer the phone.

Say, bring.

Bring, bring, bring.

Okay.

Hello, this is Minnie DePalma.

How can I help you? Okay, did you, yeah, just go over with the phone.

Okay.

Okay, so, yeah, say, start over.

Yeah, so you answer the phone.

Hey, it's Jim Henson.

Jim, it's Jim Henson.

-Hello. -I want you to, okay.

Hello, Mr. Henson.

Hello, I want you to come up with a new Muppet for me.

Can you come up with a new Muppet?

Wow, I'm really honored.

Great, okay, so what we're going to do, okay.

Okay, so we're going to come up with a new Muppet.

Okay, yeah, so I'm just going to, yeah, I'm sorry.

My concern, Marvin, the thing that I'm concerned

about is that we keep, you're talking to them, and

I feel like you're getting mixed messages from them.

I love the pencils.

And then you relay it to me, and it's a muddle to me.

If I could get in touch with the main, yeah, if I, Catherine

over there, whoever, whoever's actually going to be the person.

I haven't been through this before, so you tell me.

okay okay so so Catherine so just if there's an opportunity and I

have to go to New York to do that that's fine but but I think it's

this thing is only gonna get done I'm gonna get it cleared up if I

can understand what they're looking for and what they're it's hard

for me to work and do do you know ten different things over here and

then you should have all this mm-hmm you should have all those toys everywhere

yeah that's fine I mean I'm happy I'm

glad I'm thrilled let's write a fire truck

is that it is that a clever no kid what starts with F it ends in

uh that's not that's not a fire truck you I'm cool that's all

that's absolutely your do I go to lunch territory and yeah yeah all

right

And, um, and I'll, uh...

Yeah. Well, I'm on the phone to you a lot, Martin.

And I love it. And I love it.

Keep it coming.

I don't know. I just feel taken advantage of because he's like...

Like, I'm doing all the work, and he doesn't even like the show, and he...

-I know. -I know. -I just...

And I'm happy for him.

Like, I'm happy that he's got things going on, but I don't know.

I didn't tell you.

Take whatever frustration you have and like multiply it by 50.

That's like how I'm feeling.

Because of work?

No, I mean I like work and he's like

never, like we're doing, you know, all of it.

I don't, he just doesn't, he's like so unavailable to me at all times.

Yeah.

I don't need a lot of time, I just, I just like every time I try to

be with him he's always got somewhere else to go and something to do.

But I think he's having like an accelerated

thing right now with his book, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know, but it's like you were saying, like, he's

just like, I mean I don't know I didn't know him before this.

Right, right. But I feel like he's, I don't know, he's in this place

where he's not very good at balancing like work and everything else.

Or even like his work and actual work.

Have you guys talked about it or?

Kind of.

He's crazy about you.

-I know. -He's like. -Yeah?

Yeah, totally.

Everyone at the age of, by 13 should picture where they want to be.

Picturing, visually picturing where you want to be in your life.

And not necessarily it's where you're going to be,

but just to sort of have somewhere you want to go.

Having ambition, you know?

Mm-hmm. Brian Dugas on bass got me through high school.

But I don't play the bass, you know?

The bass guitar is what I wanted to do and never got into it.

So.

Job you guys are $74.

The job you guys are doing is great.

Everyone's, Paul, everyone is talking about everything you're doing.

I mean it seems, it's coming across really well.

I think, yeah.

Very, very, very good decision on Brian Dugas' part with this team.

Like, brilliant.

So there's not, yeah.

Don't let any of that get you down.

Even when something bad comes in.

Even when I come in here with bad news or a complaint or whatever.

It's, ignore it.

Okay?

Oh

Okay, you draw a mouth, and then

you draw a cigarette with smoke.

I see how your cigarette's already better than mine, though.

What are you talking about? It has the distinction of the ash.

No, yours is great. I tried to make smoke so gross.

You're getting fancy.

That's lesson two.

-I know. -It's bad. -Okay.

And then the final...

-Ready? -Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Here.

-Do the heart. -Wait. -You got a bad pen.

That's what's wrong with my picture.

See, look, because she's got nice defined lines.

Yeah, that's a huge part of it.

Cool.

I think these are really good.

She's very talented.

What is this?

No, you are.

You should hear her music.

Hannah, please.

What?

-What? -It's true. -Is that your guitar?

I think she's good at playing music.

She's good at drawing. She's good at so many things.

Hannah's amazing at many things, too, as I'm sure you know from work.

But you can't multi-talented people here.

You can't do it at a party.

Oh, crap.

Oh, God.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Here.

Thank you.

-I'm sorry. -I didn't mean to do that.

That's all right. I'm sorry to interrupt.

Thanks.

Sorry, that was a good one.

It's like a musical couch.

Does someone want to switch with me?

No.

Are you sure? We have to switch the drawings though.

Cheers.

You gotta look at the person.

Sorry.

It's cold.

No, don't be sorry.

Do you know why people clink glasses?

Somebody told me once, but because of poison.

-Yeah, exactly. -Yeah, totally.

I think that's really cool.

Yeah, because you would clink and your drink would spill into the

next person's drink, so it's like a way of saying, I didn't poison you.

Right. It's because people are naturally terrible to each other.

Exactly.

Basically. And so every time you go, cheer!

I feel like most basic assumptions behind cultural protocol,

they all have to do with the fact that people are, you know, awful.

Yeah, totally.

No, the handshake is, you shake someone's hand

because you're showing that you don't have a weapon.

-Right. -People are shit.

But if you think about it though, now...

Sorry.

I don't know why people are for the death penalty

because it doesn't deter crime, but also it's like...

-Sorry. -No, it's okay.

Are you working on your scribble?

Yeah, I'm working on the scribbles.

-Yeah? -I mean the dinosaur meter.

Look at that, you can get it on my mouth.

Can't help it.

But he still looks kind of friendly, I think.

Yeah, he's a friendly dinosaur.

Yeah, it's unconstitutional.

Just that argument alone.

The fact that more blacks are killed by our judicial system.

Because they're the ones who can't afford a lawyer.

They're the ones who are, you know, cops are cruising their neighborhoods.

They don't stand a chance.

That's cool, Hannah.

It's a really interesting looking coffee cup.

It's a mean looking coffee cup.

It's awesome.

I like it.

It's running up your hill.

Put a line right there for the mouth.

Right here?

Yeah, like that's your cheek.

That's like, yeah, exactly.

-You know what I mean? -Like the mouth's

opening so you see the other side of the mouth.

That's a totally different perspective.

That'll be $50.

Can I have this?

Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Okay, I really like that.

I'm done.

My work here is done.

Do you guys like puzzles?

He's like, he's like, he makes these things that are like perfect

like these perfect little quips, and I'm just like Blah blah blah.

You're different. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not, I don't know, I

get nervous That's okay My shrink like when I was in high

school, he used to say, when I was in high school, he

used to say like tolerate the uncertainty What does that mean?

That means Tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing, of the nervousness

All of that, you know, like it's just about allowing it to sit with you.

Did he give you any plans to cope?

She.

Sexist

Oh

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, if you, I mean, you can stall as long as you want or stall until...

Because I don't know, you know, I kind of always have the same answer

for you is what I feel like, is that I'm always saying that I have to

trust you judgment because I don't know the protocol on these things.

Okay, well, before we get into it, let me just cut

you off and I'll call you back in like 10 minutes, okay?

-Cool. -Thank you.

Bye

Alright, so this is an owl.

Is it who?

I hope so.

Oh

That's a kingfisher.

Okay.

Have you had enough?

Yeah.

I think I like the owl best because I don't

really know what a kingfisher sounds like in nature.

But the owl I could have the pleasure of anticipation of the hoot.

Do you know what a Japanese tit sounds like?

No.

-Beta carotene. -Isn't that forsaken?

Uh, I'm not sure.

This is because...

Very green. I was worried about skin cancer and

my doctor said that I should take beta carotene.

I can't remember.

I wish I would just say it. Maybe I should take beta carotene.

You want one?

I'm more interested in prescription ones.

-Oh. -I'm going to be honest.

This is Lexapro.

What's that?

It's an antidepressant.

What's this one?

Wellbutrin.

-What's that? -That's an antidepressant.

What's this one?

This is also Wellbutrin, but I keep forgetting to take...

I should just consider this. Did you want to tell me about these?

Did I want to?

Yeah.

I mean, that's why I was going to...

I don't know.

How long have you taken these?

I went on them two years ago.

Why?

I got depressed.

How did it, how did it happen?

I broke up with someone.

Long relationship.

So does it make you feel better?

Uh, it makes me not feel depressed.

It was definitely weird.

I really didn't want to do it.

And then I just sort of, I was really just

kind of desperate for something to happen.

And so I went on it and about 10 days into it, I was walking.

I went out to get lunch and I was walking over this bridge back to my house.

And I just like, it was like a commercial.

Like all of a sudden, like the clouds parted.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's what I feel like.

That's what I, this is who I am.

Really? It was really weird. Yeah. And then I was just.

And I, for a couple of months, all I

talked about in therapy was just, I hate the ads.

The ads look like science fiction.

I don't want to, I don't want to be taking a pill.

It's going to ruin my edge.

It's going to make me less funny. It's

going to make me like not be able to write.

And I haven't had any, any of that.

And it's like now I'm like, oh, okay.

It's like if I had a high blood pressure, I'd be

taking high blood pressure, you know, medication.

I don't think they've got a pill for what I've got.

What do you got?

You sound like, wait, that's from a movie.

You sound like Dorothy.

Dorothy? I don't think there's anything in that bag.

-Who's Dorothy? -From Wizard of Oz.

I don't think there's anything in that bag for me.

Nothing there.

What?

Chronic dissatisfaction.

And when the clouds depart and it's like suddenly

everything makes you happy for an inconsistent amount of time.

Like for me, it's like I stopped sleeping.

Like I stopped sleeping and eating.

So it's like my, basically the things that I weren't

dealing with, wasn't dealing with, I get paid to write.

Yeah.

The things I weren't dealing with caused my body

to finally just start like, it became biological.

I had to go to a doctor and say, I don't know what's wrong with me.

-I'm not sleeping. -I'm not eating.

I keep thinking about death.

I don't feel like myself.

None of my friends want to talk to me

because all I want to talk about is, you know.

And so people like, they get to that point and then they take

antidepressants and it was explained to

me that like you're in a hole, basically.

And it's impossible to get out of the hole.

That's how you feel like when you're depressed.

You're like, it's debilitating.

Like you really feel like you can't do anything, you know.

And when you take antidepressants, it doesn't get you out of

the hole, but it, I feel like I'm doing an ad for antidepressants.

But you basically, it was explained to me that you,

the antidepressants like build a floor for you to

stand on so that you can try and like climb out of the hole.

So it's like what the mistake people make is that

they go on them and then they don't do, they don't.

They don't.

They're like, oh, cool.

Everything's fine. And then they don't, they

keep like, you know, squashing their problems.

Like they don't deal with their problems.

And then they get depressed again.

So then they up their dose.

And then they up their dose. And then when you're on like, yeah,

like eight different types of medication and you're taking like, nah.

People have problems, man.

Why are you chronically dissatisfied or are you just making a joke?

No, not really.

-I don't know. -People are delicate.

I'm getting, like, really...

I feel I feel like I've been like unfair.

I don't know it.

I just didn't I just didn't know we can you know what?

we can

and affect people in certain ways.

No, I don't know.

I just maybe I haven't been

It sounds like really stupid because it sounds like what I'm

saying is like, now that I know that you're depressed and you

have these things, I can no longer treat you with carelessness.

But that's actually what I'm thinking.

I tend to leave destruction in my wake.

I think you're being...

What's going on with you and Paul?

Is everything okay?

Uh, no.

I was like, otherwise, why would I be here?

Talk about it.

I feel like I'm being unfair to you.

-Why? -Here, wait.

I don't leave.

I feel like my life raft is gone.

I don't know.

No, you're good, and I'm using you to, like, cover

things up, and yeah, I don't know, you deserve more than that.

And that's like the shittiest thing to tell a person because they

know that they deserve more than whatever the person's giving them.

I just, I don't know, I feel like I was trying to...

I don't know, I just use you to make me

feel good, and it's like, no, this is a person.

It's a person with problems, and not that you have

only problems, but it's like, I don't want to use you.

-I don't know. -I keep rambling.

Don't.

I don't know what it has to do with me.

I'm not sure what...

Like, we're friends.

And, like, if I had something going on, I'd...

Like I don't know what, I don't even know

what you're sad about, I don't even know what...

I mean, why do you feel like you're using it?

Because, um...

I don't know, you like,

you like look for me, you like look for my eyes, you like look to

make me laugh, and that's like, it's just like ego and gratification and.

It's like, why do I, I don't know, I just

feel like I'm seeking too many people out.

It's almost like, have you ever felt like,

is there something like manic about, um...

having crushes on people.

Something manic?

But like,

like you're like, it's, it's like so exciting, and it's

like this person and this person, it's so much fun, and

then it just like, one by one

they sort of become like real

and problematic, and people get hurt,

and it stops being thrilling.

Well, I just had a bad day.

What happened?

You're playing Immanuel Kant, Matt, and you're playing Isaac Newton.

I just want to hear it out loud because I just

wrote these pages over the weekend and I don't know.

I just want to hear them so I can change them.

Kant in a previous scene tried to touch Newton and Newton hit his hand away.

And that happens again.

That's the old handshake gag.

It's weird to be in director mode with you guys.

So, yeah, I'll read the stage directions.

Speed is essential.

Okay.

-Vivaldi plays. -Cut.

They look at each other.

Look back.

Awkward pause.

That's stupid.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

I thought we were best friends.

Best friends talk to each other honestly.

Oh, right, I knew that.

-And that was stupid. -Why?

Because look around you.

Okay.

What do you see?

Uh, stuff?

-No. -No? -You see consequences.

It's impossible to see intentions.

You guys are talking like old men.

You're supposed to be talking like-year-old boys.

Okay.

Um.

You see, we, like, make, we, I

guess we start with, like,

baseball and federal agents and George Bush and getting

kicked in the balls and slipping on banana peels and that sort of thing.

And those are our ingredients.

How do you make a

drama out of abstract ideas?

That's why it's hard.

That's why I made them -year-old boys and

that their primary thing is to get laid.

I'm going to go to the bathroom.

No, don't go to the bathroom.

-I'll be right back. -No.

Okay.

Okay.

-Well, I think I like it. -Oh, thanks.

-But I want him to rest. -Can I go back?

You guys really need to deal with actors.

I don't know.

We're not actors.

No. We really should have a hand on that one.

You guys are, you guys have low energy.

I was worried, I had other worries, but now all I'm worried about is my play.

Good.

-Um. -You're focused on work.

Yeah, I guess so.

How are you feeling?

-I'm okay. -How are you?

Pretty good, I think.

We should probably talk later.

Okay.

-Yeah? -Yeah. -Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

You're killing me.

I know.

I'm so sorry.

I'm going to

miss you and I can't, I won't miss you, I'll

see you but I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too.

I'm really sorry.

Okay.

I want to end this conversation.

And not because it's not...

Yeah. You know, I just don't want to be here anymore.

Okay.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

I'm sorry.

-Okay? -Okay. -I have to go.

I absolutely have to go.

-I'm sorry. -Okay. -I'm so sorry.

-Okay. -No.

That is just what the city needs is another Latino theater festival.

I can't wait.

Get some tickets to that.

Why did you show up to work today?

Because that's what you pay me for, right?

Right. That's what I don't pay you for, but

that's what the network pays us for, is to be here.

And it doesn't make any sense why there are two empty chairs in this room.

Office Romance.

Here we'll do a little quiz.

Office Romance. Good idea or bad idea?

Which do you think?

It's a bad idea.

So, whatever's been going on around here, I hope is done.

And I hope that we can get a show written.