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♪♪
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( HUMMING )
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( WHISTLING ALONG TO TUNE )
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♪ You're a Shakespeare sonnet ♪
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♪ You're somebody's bonnet ♪
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♪ You're Mickey Mouse
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Boy, that Irving Berlin
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sure knew how to write 'em, didn't he?
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Uh, Cole Porter.
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You sure it wasn't Berlin?
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Porter.
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I could've swore Irving wrote that.
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Then who wrote White Christmas?
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Irving Berlin.
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Oh, yeah. Ha ha ha ha!
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I always get those two songs mixed up.
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It's a good thing I don't need an ear for music.
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I'm in ladies' underwear.
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Oh?
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Is that all you're gonna say, is, "Oh?"
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What else am I supposed to say?
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Usually, when I give somebody a zinger
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like "I'm in ladies' underwear",
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any guy with any kind of sense of humor at all
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could make a pretty good joke out of it.
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You gotta have a sense of humor to stay in business today.
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What do you do for a living?
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I write jokes.
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( LAUGHS )
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You write jokes? Ha ha ha!
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You could've fooled me.
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I'm a television writer.
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No kiddin'? Hey, I never met a writer before.
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How are you? What show are you on?
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The Alan Brady Show.
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Oh, that's a great show.
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The Alan Brady Show is a great show.
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You see it often? Never watch it.
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You just said-- My wife and kids watch it all the time.
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Heh heh heh! They've got more time for T.V. than I have.
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Here they are.
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How's that? 12, 10, 8, 6,
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4, 2 1/2...
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And four months. Ha ha ha!
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Not bad for a traveling salesman, huh?
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Not bad? I'd say it was perfect.
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So you're a joke writer, huh?
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Well, you sure missed a great chance
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when I said, "I'm in ladies' underwear."
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Afraid I'm just not up to par today.
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You mean Jack, of course, huh? Hmm?
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You said, "I'm not up to par." I said, "Jack".
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You get it? Jack Paar. It's kind of a play on words.
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Oh, yeah. huh.
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You know, this is nothing personal, you understand,
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but you don't seem like a very funny man to me.
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You're kind of the serious type.
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I'm afraid I have a bit of a headache today.
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You had a fight with the missus, right?
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How'd you know that?
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You've got that guilty look on you.
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I have? Yeah.
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Ain't it funny the way your wife can make you feel you're wrong,
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when all the time, in your heart, you know you're right?
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Say, you must know my wife.
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No, but I know my own. They're all alike.
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What did you do?
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It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.
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What didn't you do?
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Or is that stepping on personal territory?
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Well-- Ah, come on. Talk about it.
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Get it off your chest. It'll do you good.
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Besides, I've read all the magazines.
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( LAUGHS )
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You know, by gosh, I'd like to talk about it.
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Feel free. Well...
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Maybe you can convince me that I'm not a liar
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and a rotten husband and an irresponsible father.
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Boy, whatever you didn't do,
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I think you should've done it.
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What was it exactly?
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Maybe I'd better start from the beginning.
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Take your time.
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Yesterday, I didn't even know I had a problem.
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I was trying to get my staff to do a little work for a change,
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and Buddy-- One of the writers...
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Hey, it's pretty near 4:00.
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Why don't we knock off for a while?
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The sketch is almost done,
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and the kid'll be here with the coffee.
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Hang on a minute. We may get a good idea
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before he gets here.
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Impossible, Rob. You know I can't work
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when I can smell coffee coming.
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Yeah, it's about two blocks away.
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BUDDY: Hey, how about a little card trick?
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Any card at all. It's a beauty.
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I'm in no mood for magic. I want to get back to work.
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Go ahead, we'll watch you.
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Rob, why don't you do some exercise?
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How about doing your pushups?
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I did my pushups this morning. 20 of 'em.
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20? You did-- Come on, nobody can do 20 pushups.
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If he said he did, he did.
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Let's not embarrass our chief.
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You've seen me do them every morning
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for two years now.
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I never counted. You ever count, Sally?
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I never watch him do pushups.
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I can't stand to see the veins stick out on his temples.
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I know what you guys are doing. You're just stalling.
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All right, we're stalling.
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But I still don't think you can do 20 pushups.
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I'll make a deal with you. If I do 20 pushups,
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will you two guys go back to work?
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Okay. It's a deal.
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This I gotta see.
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How about some artificial respiration?
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Well, there's none so far.
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One. One.
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Never. Two.
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Oh, he's tired already.
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Snacky service! Three coffees,
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a prune yogurt and a danish. $1.15.
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I got no money, Sally. How about you?
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Never.
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Rob, you got any loot?
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Six. in my side pocket.
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All righty. Seven.
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How much did you say that was?
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$1.15. $1.15.
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Here's $2. He's a very big tipper.
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ROB: Eight.
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What's with him?
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He claims he can do 20.
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Oh, yeah? Hey, skinny!
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$2 you don't make it.
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13. you're on.
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I'll hold the money. I'll hold the coffee.
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( OVERLAPPING CHATTER )
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Veins sticking out on his temples yet?
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Like Charles Boyer.
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His chest ain't touching the floor.
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Then the floor is touching his chest. He's doin' it.
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He's cheating. His elbows are bent.
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18! He's got bent elbows!
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19!
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I wonder if--
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Hi, Mel. What are you doing?
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Paying for the pushups-- Uh, coffee!
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One, two, three, four. Right!
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$4 for coffee and danish pastry?
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It's real danish. He flies it in from Denmark.
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Rob, I hope I'm not disturbing you.
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Not at all, Mel.
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Speak for yourself, Rob. I can't even drink coffee
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with Goldilocks around.
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Curdles the cream.
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Rob, I did not come here to get insulted.
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Oh! Where do you usually go to get insulted? I'll go anyplace.
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Mel, what can we do for you? Have your coffee.
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There's a young girl singer making her debut
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on a local Washington Station tomorrow,
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and Alan would like you to go there and do some talent scouting.
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Sure, I'd love to go. Ah, fine.
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Hey, wait a minute. Tomorrow morning's bad for me.
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How about the next day? I'm afraid not.
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Every T.V. station in town
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will be sending a scout down there,
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and we don't want them to beat us to the punch.
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How about letting Buddy go?
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Yeah, how about letting Buddy go?
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We want an opinion we can respect.
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That does it. I quit!
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Where's the resignation I dictated the other day?
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I'll show this guy. All right. Here.
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"I hereby tender my resignation
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as writer on the Alan Brady Sh--"
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Rob, he signed your name.
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Sure, you think Rob is gonna work for a producer
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who insults one of his staff?
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Rob, what's the trouble? Why can't you go?
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Well, it's a family problem, Mel.
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My kid's gonna be in the school play tomorrow morning,
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and I promised him I'd be there.
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A kid's play? Is that all?
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I want to be there.
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Ritchie's gonna be the main bunny.
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Main bunny?
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Well, maybe it isn't important to you, but it's important to me.
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Your sense of responsibility to your child is laudable,
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but you also have a sense of responsibility
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to Alan Brady and the show.
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I promised Laura I'd go. I'm not trying to shirk--
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Rob, I had a budget meeting the other night.
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My wife tried to get me to take her dancing.
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Now, I love to dance, and I love my wife,
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but I realized I had a duty to Alan Brady and the show.
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I told her so.
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She tried every way imaginable to get me to take her dancing.
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But I had to make her realize
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that I was her husband, not a puppet.
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She was not just going to pull strings
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and make me dance.
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Did I go dancing?
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No. No, I stayed here
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and had that budget meeting,
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and Mrs. Cooley stayed home...alone.
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You know, Mel... I'd like to cry.
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I'd like to give him a rap right in the mouth.
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Come on, will you settle down, please?
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Mel, why couldn't I go tomorrow afternoon?
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She goes on the air at 1:00.
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And Al would be very upset if she made her debut on someone else's show.
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Yeah, you're right. All right, tell him I'll go.
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Ah, fine. And if you want Buddy to go,
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we'll be glad to get another ticket.
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One-way, of course.
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Someday he's gonna get a big, fat lip
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to go with that fat head of his.
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Who's going to give it to me?
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Sally.
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( PLAYS NOTE ) ♪ You're the top
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♪ You're the Tower of Pisa ♪
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♪ You're the top
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♪ You're the Mommy Lisa
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No, honey, that's "Mona Lisa", not "Mommy Lisa".
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Do it once more from the beginning.
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Okay. ♪ You're the top
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♪ You're the Tower of Pisa ♪
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♪ You're the top, you're the Mona Lisa ♪
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♪ I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop ♪
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♪ But if, baby, I'm the bottom ♪
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♪ You're the top
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Hey, hey! Encore!
236
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I need an encore.
237
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,171
Daddy, did you bring anything?
238
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How about--let's see.
239
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,875
Um, half a stick of gum?
240
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Yay!
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Hi, honey. Hi.
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Shouldn't you be laboring over a hot stove?
243
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It's dinnertime. It was a toss-up
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between broiling your lamb chops
245
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or sewing Ritchie's bunny costume,
246
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and your lamb chops lost.
247
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Well, what won?
248
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Beans and franks, okay?
249
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Yay! My favorite.
250
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Daddy, want to hear me sing "You're the Top?"
251
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No, Daddy's gonna hear you sing it tomorrow.
252
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He's going to be in the audience.
253
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Well, it wouldn't hurt
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to hear it now, just in case.
255
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No, you'll hear it tomorrow.
256
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Ritchie, go get ready for bed.
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You be sure and brush your teeth.
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Where should I put my gum?
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00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,876
I don't know. Where do you usually put your gum?
260
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,845
Here! Ritchie!
261
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,381
Okay, Mommy.
262
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:50,483
You run along now.
263
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,852
Okay!
264
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:55,287
How'd he get so cute?
265
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,890
Your mother says you were just like him when you were a little boy.
266
00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,892
I'm surprised she said that. Why?
267
00:10:59,925 --> 00:11:01,727
I think I'm cuter.
268
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,295
Give me a kiss.
269
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,097
Never kiss egomaniacs.
270
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,466
How about hungry husbands? Them I feed.
271
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,802
Need a hand?
272
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,370
Yeah, would you open this for me?
273
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,739
That bunny costume kept me pretty busy today.
274
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:16,108
Yeah. Boy, I sure would give anything
275
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:17,943
if I could see him in it.
276
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:20,880
Rob, are you trying to tell me something,
277
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:23,049
like you don't plan to be there tomorrow?
278
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,851
Well, honey, I was planning on being there, but--
279
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:29,355
Oh, rob, don't tell me you're gonna miss Ritchie's school play again.
280
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:31,157
Again? What do you mean, again?
281
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,792
I've never missed any of his plays.
282
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,894
Yes, you have. When?
283
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:37,163
I don't remember when, but you have.
284
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,465
Honey, I haven't missed any of his performances.
285
00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,367
I was there on the Spring Pageant
286
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,937
when he played the sick butterfly.
287
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:49,842
I remember the one where he played the poisoned mushroom.
288
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,378
You didn't see him when he played the mean elm tree.
289
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,814
The mean-- Yes, I did too.
290
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,750
Remember how nervous we were when his bark kept peeling off?
291
00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:02,488
You see? I've seen every one of his performances.
292
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:06,425
No, you haven't. You didn't see him when he played Hamlet.
293
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,462
Hamlet? Yeah, see? You missed his Hamlet.
294
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,297
When was that?
295
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:13,833
Last year at the kindergarten Shakespeare Festival.
296
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,937
No, honey, you told me I could miss that one.
297
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:20,339
You said all he did was come out there holding the skull.
298
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:22,842
Well, this time he's a bunny, the main bunny.
299
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,910
And I should think you'd want to be there.
300
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,579
Honey, I do want to be there,
301
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,247
but there's a girl singer in Washington
302
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,849
the boss wants me to hear.
303
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:31,517
Well, there's a boy singer
304
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,953
here in New Rochelle that I want you to hear.
305
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:36,589
Oh, honey, that's not even fair.
306
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:39,258
I've got a responsibility to my job.
307
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:42,061
Every big television variety show is sending a scout down there,
308
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,996
and I've got to go.
309
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:46,999
Well, all I can say is, if it doesn't bother you
310
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:49,034
that you're missing your son sing
311
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:50,536
for the first time in public,
312
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:52,938
then his little heart will be broken
313
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:55,307
when he finds out his own father wasn't even there.
314
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,910
Oh, honey, I'm sure a lot of fathers won't be there.
315
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,845
Rich won't even notice I'm missing.
316
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:01,413
You talkin' about me?
317
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,315
Yeah, about your show tomorrow.
318
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,951
I'm the main bunny! I know.
319
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:08,921
I'm the only bunny that sings. You bet you are.
320
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,223
I sing you're the top by Cole Porter.
321
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:15,194
Rich, are all your friends' daddies gonna be there tomorrow?
322
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:17,563
Uh-uh. Tommy Vincent's daddy won't be there.
323
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,865
Tommy Vincent's daddy won't be there.
324
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:22,034
Because he's dead.
325
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:26,572
Rich...
326
00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:28,507
Rich, run on up to bed,
327
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,876
and I'll tuck you in later. Okay.
328
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:34,980
♪ You're the top, you're the Tower of Pisa ♪
329
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:39,285
♪ You're the top, you're the Mommy Lisa... ♪
330
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,187
Well?
331
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,671
Alan? Rob Petrie.
332
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:01,040
Have you got a minute, Alan?
333
00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:03,509
It's about the trip to Washington tomorrow, Alan.
334
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,178
No, it's just a problem here at home.
335
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,113
My kid has this thing.
336
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:12,151
No, he's not sick. It's his arm.
337
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,553
Well, we don't know. We're gonna have it x-rayed tomorrow.
338
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,455
It may be broken.
339
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,257
Or maybe it's just a sprain.
340
00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:20,192
Rob, what are you doing?
341
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:23,162
What's it sound like I'm doing? I'm lying.
342
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,631
What'd you say, Alan? I couldn't hear you.
343
00:14:25,664 --> 00:14:28,601
The, uh-- The kid was crying.
344
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:31,103
Well, that's awfully nice of you, Alan.
345
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,106
Yeah. I'm sure I can get down there the next day.
346
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:36,709
I just hope somebody doesn't sign her up tomorrow.
347
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:39,578
Thanks a lot, Alan. Bye.
348
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,447
Oh, boy.
349
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,249
Just to get out of a trip to Wash--
350
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,317
See what you made me do, honey?
351
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:48,354
I liked like a fool. I groveled in the dirt.
352
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,723
And I broke my son's arm.
353
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:54,360
What I made you do? Why didn't you just tell him the truth?
354
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:56,495
Because I just couldn't tell Alan Brady
355
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,464
that the reason I can't go to Washington
356
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:01,033
is because my son is the main bunny.
357
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:06,639
ROB: All that night, I tossed and turned.
358
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,607
I kept thinking about how I lied to my boss,
359
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,343
told him my son's arm was broken.
360
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,979
I was torn between wanting to see my son's play
361
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,614
and wanting to do my job.
362
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,349
I wanted to make Laura happy,
363
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,084
but I didn't want to be a puppet.
364
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,586
Oh, I had a dream that night.
365
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,588
Oh, it was a lulu.
366
00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:24,423
I felt as if I were running in two directions
367
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,325
at the same time.
368
00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:33,299
MEL: Washington, Washington.
369
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,744
Where are you going, dear?
370
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,480
Wa-shing-ton!
371
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:52,117
No! See the bunny.
372
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:56,355
See the bunny. See the bunny.
373
00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,726
Ladies and gentlemen,
374
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:05,264
presenting a man who gave up a trip to Washington
375
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:11,170
simply because... I ordered him to.
376
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:14,573
Presenting... My puppet!
377
00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:17,142
♪♪
378
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,692
Now bow for the people.
379
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:40,733
Now show how nicely you make a telephone call.
380
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,801
Hello?
381
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,804
I want to go to Washington.
382
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,240
No!
383
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:52,177
Now, you say that the right way.
384
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:56,749
Hello? I don't want to go to Washington.
385
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,717
That's a good boy.
386
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,452
Now dance!
387
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:02,221
Dance! Dance!
388
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:03,555
( INDISTINCT CHATTER )
389
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,758
Dance! Dance!
390
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,826
Dance!
391
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,095
Dance!
392
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:12,364
♪♪
393
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,639
No time for dancing. Go to Washington.
394
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:22,808
♪♪
395
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:28,147
No.
396
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,582
He's going to Washington.
397
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:34,386
( SOBBING )
398
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,889
He swatted me!
399
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:38,757
Hit him!
400
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:46,532
Hard!
401
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,536
[CLANG]
402
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,613
Oh, show Mommy. Kiss the boo-boo?
403
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,652
Puppet!
404
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,427
Up!
405
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,196
Up!
406
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:19,364
Now dance! Dance!
407
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:23,268
( LAUGHING )
408
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,637
No, wait!
409
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,741
I'm not a puppet.
410
00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,746
I'm a man!
411
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,382
RITCHIE: Daddy, you broke my arm!
412
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:39,685
No! No!
413
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:42,221
No, no bunnies!
414
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,703
No! No bunnies!
415
00:18:57,736 --> 00:19:00,439
Bunnies! No bunnies!
416
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,674
Bunnies! No!
417
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:21,760
A puppet? You mean you'd feel like a puppet
418
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:24,396
if you went to see your son perform?
419
00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:26,231
Honey, I don't have time to argue about it now.
420
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:27,900
I've got to get to the airport.
421
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:29,468
I don't know what's got into you, Rob,
422
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,903
but I have the distinct impression
423
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:33,272
that you're going back on a promise.
424
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:36,275
Maybe I am, but it's not as big as the promise you're going back on.
425
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:37,809
What promise is that?
426
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,444
Oh, don't you remember, dear?
427
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,914
Love, honor and obey?
428
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:44,716
Well, I'm asking you to honor my decision
429
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,752
to go to Washington.
430
00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:48,887
I'm asking you to love me for not being intimidated
431
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:51,657
by a charming and forceful wife. Intimidated?!
432
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,592
And I'm asking you to obey my command,
433
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,561
and there be no further discussion about it.
434
00:19:55,594 --> 00:19:58,964
Mommy, will you fix my ears, please?
435
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,335
Now, if you'll excuse me,
436
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,836
I'm late for the airport.
437
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,539
No, I don't think I will excuse you.
438
00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:10,409
We don't excuse you.
439
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:13,612
Aw, honey, I'm sorry, but I've got to go to the airport.
440
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:16,715
I'll call you.
441
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:19,785
Good-bye, son. Be a good bunny.
442
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,855
Bye, Daddy.
443
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:27,593
So that's why you're coming all apart at the seams?
444
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:29,461
You've got to admit I've got a right to.
445
00:20:29,494 --> 00:20:31,763
Yeah, I guess so. But let me tell you something--
446
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:34,700
if I worried about all the school plays that I missed,
447
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,501
I'd really look my age.
448
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,070
( CHUCKLES )
449
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,405
Hey, how old do you think I am?
450
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:41,907
Oh, I couldn't even guess.
451
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,842
Take a guess. No.
452
00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:46,511
Come on, it don't cost you nothin'. Take a wild guess.
453
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,447
I'll give you a hint.
454
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,582
I'm a lot older than I look.
455
00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:52,718
Now, come on, how old do I look?
456
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:55,420
I don't know. Say, 49, 50?
457
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,560
I was 41 my last birthday.
458
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,431
Everybody takes me for 35.
459
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:08,800
What do you need, glasses or something?
460
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,003
Yeah. Something.
461
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:13,972
Say, how was that girl singer you went to see?
462
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,875
That's another thing. The whole trip was a waste of time.
463
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,610
She was no good, huh?
464
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:20,812
I wouldn't know. She had laryngitis.
465
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:23,715
They brought some male quartet in to substitute for her.
466
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:27,085
And they were rotten. The whole trip was unnecessary.
467
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,820
Ah, so what? Heh heh.
468
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,656
You don't have to tell your wife that.
469
00:21:30,689 --> 00:21:32,824
I don't have to, but I'm going to.
470
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:35,527
What are you, some kind of sadist?
471
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:39,765
Why don't you do like I do?
472
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,134
Take a present, open the door and throw it in,
473
00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:44,836
then hide out in the cellar for a couple of hours.
474
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:46,738
I'm afraid I couldn't do that.
475
00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:48,874
Oh, you're really asking for it, pal.
476
00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:50,876
What are you gonna do?
477
00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:53,412
I'm gonna make a speech.
478
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,047
I'm gonna make the speech I should've made
479
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,049
before I left.
480
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:59,851
I'm gonna tell her that a man is a man,
481
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,054
even if he is a husband.
482
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:04,690
And that at no time, as a man or as a husband,
483
00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:08,026
should he ever be his wife's puppet.
484
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:11,697
I'm gonna tell her that I have to do what I think is right.
485
00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:14,032
A man shouldn't sacrifice his self-respect
486
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,501
just to keep peace in the home.
487
00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:19,571
All right, a woman's opinion should be weighed and considered.
488
00:22:19,604 --> 00:22:22,407
But in the final analysis, a man has to do
489
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:25,444
what he thinks is right, or he is no man!
490
00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:40,158
Good evening, Laura.
491
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,594
Good evening, Rob.
492
00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:46,498
Laura...I'd like to speak with you.
493
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,734
Go ahead and speak.
494
00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:51,169
I'd rather you were seated.
495
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,905
Please, I'd be more comfortable.
496
00:22:58,076 --> 00:22:59,878
Are you more comfortable?
497
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:03,448
Laura...
498
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,051
You-- you're my wife.
499
00:23:06,084 --> 00:23:07,652
Yes?
500
00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:10,889
Yes. and I'm your husband.
501
00:23:10,922 --> 00:23:14,092
I know. Good.
502
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:18,029
We're--we're husband and wife.
503
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:19,965
That sounds reasonable.
504
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:22,033
Laura, don't interrupt me.
505
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:27,472
Laura, there's no reason for your behavior.
506
00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:30,642
There is every reason for my behavior. I'm angry.
507
00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:33,145
Angry, yes. Because I wouldn't behave like a puppet.
508
00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:35,580
Because I filled a responsibility to my employer.
509
00:23:35,614 --> 00:23:38,650
For heaven's sake, Rob, that's not why I'm angry.
510
00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:41,553
I realize you have to do what you think is right.
511
00:23:41,586 --> 00:23:43,488
I wouldn't respect you if you let yourself
512
00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:46,224
get pushed around by anyone, including me.
513
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,593
Well, what are you angry with me for?
514
00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:51,196
I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with me
515
00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:53,565
for being angry with you.
516
00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:58,069
Well, is there anything I can do
517
00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:59,805
to patch up this little quarrel
518
00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:02,007
you're having among yourself...
519
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,076
So I can get out of the doghouse?
520
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:08,814
Did you ever think of trying a kiss?
521
00:24:08,847 --> 00:24:10,916
Not on the neck.
522
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,021
That's better.
523
00:24:17,589 --> 00:24:19,024
Almost.
524
00:24:21,693 --> 00:24:23,562
Oh, yes.
525
00:24:26,998 --> 00:24:30,969
♪ You're the top, you're the Tower of Pizza ♪
526
00:24:31,002 --> 00:24:34,639
♪ You're the top, you're the Mommy Lisa ♪
527
00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:36,608
♪ I'm a worthless check ♪
528
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:38,944
♪ A total wreck, a flop ♪ ♪ A flop
529
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:42,247
♪ But if, baby, I'm the bottom ♪
530
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,517
♪ You're the top
531
00:24:49,588 --> 00:24:51,723
♪♪
37928
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