All language subtitles for [English] S01_E02 - My Blonde-Haired Brunette

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,076 ♪♪ 2 00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:48,615 Good morning, darling. 3 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,185 Come on, rise and shine. 4 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,187 It's a beautiful day out, Rob. 5 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,889 The sun is shining. Come on, honey. 6 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,590 Let's get an early start. 7 00:00:57,624 --> 00:01:00,827 Rob? Honey? Hey. 8 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:03,630 Don't do that! 9 00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:07,634 ( THINKING ) don't do that? 10 00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:10,136 He used to love me to do that. 11 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:12,338 Hmm. my prince charming. 12 00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,474 Promised to slay dragons for me. 13 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,743 He won't even get up to have breakfast with me 14 00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:19,245 on his day off. 15 00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,314 Well, I guess it's natural for a husband 16 00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:24,818 to behave this way after so many years of marriage. 17 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:28,154 But I still feel like eating breakfast with him. 18 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,293 I wonder if he's getting tired of me. 19 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:36,496 I never noticed these lines before. 20 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:39,265 Maybe he has. 21 00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:42,202 Oh, I'm just being silly. 22 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,437 We're not married that long. 23 00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,239 Rob? Are you asleep? 24 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,841 ( GROANS ) 25 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:49,876 want to have breakfast with me? 26 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,945 What time is it? 27 00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:53,780 It's after 9:00. 28 00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:55,348 How much after? 29 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:56,749 A minute. 30 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,854 Rob, don't you want to have breakfast with me? 31 00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:02,856 Oh, do I have to? 32 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:05,258 No, you don't have to, 33 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,293 if you'd rather just lie there. 34 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,362 Oh, yeah, I would. 35 00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:16,603 Well, I guess I'll just have to have breakfast alone again. 36 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,506 No, wait for me, honey. I'll eat with you. 37 00:02:19,539 --> 00:02:21,441 When? In two hours? 38 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,443 If I wait till 11:00, I'll faint. 39 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,612 Good idea. 40 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,647 All right! 41 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,883 Honey? 42 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:33,319 Would you pull the curtain? 43 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,188 The light's in my eyes. 44 00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:44,797 Rob, are you going to sleep all day? 45 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,533 No, just till 11:00, honey. 46 00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,334 Wake me at 11:00. 47 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:06,586 ( ALARM RINGING ) 48 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,225 ( ALARM STOPS ) Ahh. 49 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,666 Oh, boy. I feel good! 50 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,003 Good morning, honey. Morning, honey. 51 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,805 Thanks for letting me sleep. 52 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,676 Feeling better? 53 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,779 Oh, those extra two hours' sleep really set me up. 54 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,914 Sure. What time did you get up? 55 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,583 Oh, I've been up since 7:00. 56 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,884 Oh, then you've had your breakfast. 57 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,819 Mm-mm. Waited for you. 58 00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:42,855 You must be starving. How'd you do that? 59 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,525 It's easy. I set the alarm ahead two hours. 60 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,893 Good idea. 61 00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,466 You mean I didn't get those extra two hours' sleep? 62 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:54,801 No. 63 00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:57,070 Well, uh... 64 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,505 How much extra sleep did I get? 65 00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,342 About seven seconds. 66 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:05,478 Oh, boy, am I tired. 67 00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,981 Rob, you've had eight hours. 68 00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,950 I know, but that was last night. 69 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,386 I like to get a couple of hours in the morning. 70 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,787 Oh, Rob! You-- 71 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,522 Shh, honey. 72 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,732 Have a little respect for daddy! 73 00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,908 Morning, honey. 74 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,478 ( KISSES ) how's my old lady? 75 00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:40,713 What did you say? 76 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:43,082 I said, how's my old lady? 77 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,386 Well, I don't know. I haven't spoken to your mother lately, 78 00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,087 but I'm fine. 79 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,723 Oh, touche. 80 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,925 Honey, there's pits and seeds 81 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,395 and orange flesh in this orange juice. 82 00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:58,865 You know how meticulous I am about my orange flesh. 83 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,734 Not too meticulous about the way you dress, are you? 84 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:04,037 My, don't you look dashing. 85 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:05,805 Why, thank you, my dear. 86 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,449 What are you doing? 87 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,151 A gray hair. 88 00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,753 So? 89 00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,588 So...congratulations. 90 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,424 Today you're a woman. 91 00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,792 Here, you want to press it in a book 92 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,560 or have it bronzed? 93 00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,662 Do you want your breakfast now? 94 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:31,564 Sure. 95 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:37,570 Honey... 96 00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:40,173 Are you angry with me for something? 97 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:41,674 What makes you think that? 98 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:43,576 ( SLAMS ) 99 00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:45,812 that makes me think that. 100 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,547 I've been joking around with you. 101 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,115 You haven't been joking back. 102 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,651 You mean I'm not my usual pleasant self? 103 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,519 Honey, are you angry with me 104 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:55,188 because I didn't have breakfast with you? 105 00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,423 No, I'm not. You're not angry? 106 00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,058 No, I'm not angry! 107 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,861 ( CLANGING ) 108 00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:05,565 Honey, who have you got in there? 109 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:08,468 I am beating your eggs. 110 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,570 What do you want with them? 111 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,672 I don't know. A smile might be nice. 112 00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,078 I think I'll go back and, uh... 113 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,514 Start the whole day over again. 114 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,216 While you're at it, you might choose something 115 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,785 a little less formal to wear. 116 00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,987 Honey, this is my day-off outfit. 117 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,924 That's it. You're angry with me 118 00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:33,693 because of the way I'm dressed. 119 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,728 Well, do you like the way you look? 120 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,764 Well... 121 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,733 I guess I do look pretty yucky at that. 122 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,736 I'm sorry, honey. I'll go in and change. 123 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:47,039 No, no, you don't have to change on my account. 124 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,909 Who's account am I gonna change on? 125 00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:52,111 I can't see how yucky I look. 126 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,147 Well, I can. 127 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,048 I mean, don't you care 128 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,785 that I can see you looking this way? 129 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,820 Just...excuse me. 130 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:03,189 I don't know, honey. You always told me before 131 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,625 that I look cute when I'm sloppy. 132 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,927 You don't look cute. 133 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,630 You look like someone who doesn't care if-- 134 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:12,165 if-- 135 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,634 who doesn't care if what? 136 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,503 Well, if I walked around like that-- 137 00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:21,007 I mean, if a husband really cares about-- 138 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,843 well, all I know is that if-- 139 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:26,512 ( CRYING ) well, if the bloom is off the rose, then-- 140 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,716 and if two married people can't-- 141 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,686 well, then I say, what's the use?! 142 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,655 Honey! 143 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:37,924 Honey, what are you trying to say? 144 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,625 You just don't care! 145 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:41,527 Don't care about what? 146 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,896 Well, if you don't know what you don't care about, 147 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,833 then I'm certainly not going to tell you. 148 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,668 Honey! 149 00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,870 I don't know what you just said. 150 00:07:50,903 --> 00:07:53,239 I don't know what you're so upset about. 151 00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,608 I know this has something to do with my sleeping late 152 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,244 and my general yuckiness. 153 00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:00,213 Honey, I don't like to see you this way. 154 00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:01,881 Is there anything I can do? 155 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:04,217 Yes, just eat your eggs! 156 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,787 ( SOBBING ) 157 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:10,256 Oh...honey? 158 00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:13,025 You can stop crying. I'm eating my eggs. 159 00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:14,594 ( DOOR SLAMS ) 160 00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,765 Say, what's the matter with you, Laura? 161 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,235 We've been addressing envelopes for an hour now, 162 00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,937 and all you can say is, "uh-huh" or "hmm". 163 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,740 Are you all right? I'm fine. 164 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,342 Everything all right with you and Rob? 165 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,310 Why do you ask that? 166 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,579 Oh, I don't know. 167 00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:35,748 You've noticed something between us, haven't you? 168 00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:37,617 No, not at all. I just asked-- 169 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,819 no, Millie, you did notice something, didn't you? 170 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,722 Well, I'm noticing it now. What's happened? 171 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,690 Oh, Millie. 172 00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:47,093 I've seen it happen to other married couples, 173 00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,962 but I just never thought I'd see it happen to Rob and me. 174 00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,231 I mean, that-- that Rob-- 175 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:55,167 that my--that-- what? 176 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,836 ( CRYING ) that my own husband-- 177 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,704 what? Would-- 178 00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,740 Laura, you're making me nervous! 179 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:02,341 What happened? 180 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,076 This. 181 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,946 He hit you in the head?! 182 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,949 No, of course not. 183 00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:11,651 Well, what are you showing me? 184 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,653 Can't you see the gray hair? 185 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,755 Gray hair? 186 00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:18,057 Where? I don't see any gray hair. 187 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:19,859 Well, it was there yesterday. 188 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,727 Rob pulled one out. 189 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,063 Oh, Millie, I'm getting old. 190 00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:25,932 Oh, come on, Laura. One gray hair 191 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,667 isn't gonna make you old. 192 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,069 Yeah, well, it's not just the gray hair. 193 00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:32,138 It's Rob's whole attitude toward me. 194 00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:34,373 You can stuff that one. 195 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,842 You mean he's not as attentive as he used to be? 196 00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:39,412 No, he's not. And he doesn't look at me 197 00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,647 the same way he used to, either. 198 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,250 Well, why should he? He's got you memorized. 199 00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:48,387 He knows you're pretty, and he takes it for granted. 200 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,123 Yeah, that's it. For granted. 201 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:54,026 Everything in our lives is just too for granted. 202 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,929 We each know exactly what the other is going to think and do. 203 00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:59,932 There just aren't any more surprises left. 204 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:03,269 Well, you have to make them. How do you do that? 205 00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:06,439 Whenever Jerry starts taking me for granted, 206 00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,741 I have a simple remedy. What? 207 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,143 I just bleach my hair. 208 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,312 You bleach your hair? Uh-huh. 209 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,181 It's amazing what happens. 210 00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,249 Jerry will stare at me as though he's looking 211 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,185 at a whole new lady. 212 00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,854 He gets very affectionate, too. 213 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:25,458 Millie, do you think that if I bleach my hair-- 214 00:10:25,491 --> 00:10:27,026 no, I couldn't. 215 00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:29,128 Why not? 216 00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:32,031 Well, I don't think Rob would approve of me as a blonde. 217 00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:35,034 How does he feel about Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot? 218 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,271 Millie, I'll do it. 219 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,273 Great, marvelous! 220 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,109 What do we do first? 221 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,788 ♪ Five, four, three 222 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,456 ♪ Two, one 223 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,458 Zero! Well, we did it. 224 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,260 What? What'd we do? 225 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:02,928 We wasted a whole day. 226 00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,966 Thanks a lot. For this big scoop, you had to wake me up? 227 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,934 I had a beautiful dream. 228 00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:10,770 Now you can go home and finish it. 229 00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:12,304 Not this one. 230 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,207 My wife wouldn't let me bring it in the house. 231 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,910 Look, you guys, if you want to call it a day, go home. 232 00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:20,312 Rob, I'm here to work. If you want to work, let's work. 233 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,115 You're doing your nails. I figured you had a date. 234 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,950 As a matter of fact, I have, 235 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:26,452 but it's the kind of a date 236 00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,387 where it's better if I show up a little late. 237 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,223 Like two or three days. 238 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,225 Oh, one of those, huh? 239 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:35,161 Whatever happened to all those prospective bridegrooms 240 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,495 you used to have hanging around here? 241 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,197 They're still around. Yeah? 242 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,965 There's Doubting Charlie, there's-- 243 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,300 Doubting Charlie? 244 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:42,835 Yeah, he keeps proposing, 245 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,170 and I keep saying yes, 246 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:47,206 but he just won't believe me. 247 00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:49,075 Remember that guy you used to have around-- 248 00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,310 he had an ear like this and a funny nose like this? 249 00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:52,878 You mean Woodrow Glimsher. 250 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,346 That's him. Woodrow Glimsher. 251 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,881 He's got a mother problem. 252 00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:58,417 Yeah, he's got a name problem, too. 253 00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,053 See, Woodrow's mother wants him to wait a little while. 254 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:05,057 She doesn't want him to get married until I'm too old. 255 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,093 Well, who's the lucky little gent tonight? 256 00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,228 Herman. Who's Herman? 257 00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:12,331 Please, let's not talk about before dinner. 258 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:13,999 Where'd you meet this Herman? 259 00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,135 Woodrow's mother introduced us. 260 00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,839 Come on, Sal, what is he like? 261 00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:23,809 Herman? Well, Herman is, uh... 262 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,011 Blech. 263 00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,881 Blech! Herman Blech! I think I know him. 264 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,317 Are you gonna talk about my romances, 265 00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:33,152 or are we gonna get some work done around here? 266 00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,954 Look, gang on home. 267 00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:37,990 I'm sorry I've been such a big drag today. 268 00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:39,992 You know, you have been a drag. 269 00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:42,528 What's the matter? You sick or something? No, I'm not sick. 270 00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,263 Don't you know our chief well enough by now? 271 00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,898 When he's sick, he works harder. 272 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,566 When he broods, it's one of two things-- 273 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,268 one, he had a fight with Laura, 274 00:12:49,301 --> 00:12:51,103 or two, Laura had a fight with him. 275 00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,305 True or false? True. 276 00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:55,374 Well, what was the beef about? 277 00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:57,877 I don't know. we didn't fight long enough for me to find out. 278 00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,946 Oh, one of those-- "and if you don't know..." 279 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,582 BOTH: "I'm certainly not going to tell you." 280 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:11,357 Hey, Rob, did she give you a hint? 281 00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,359 She was about to at one point, 282 00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:15,461 then she started to cry. 283 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,130 Ohh, this kid is in trouble. 284 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,632 Rob, why don't you do like I do? 285 00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,433 Yeah, why don't you do like he does? 286 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,536 What do you do? 287 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,171 I just look down my list 288 00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:26,539 of all the things wives get upset about. 289 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,240 Good thinking. 290 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,042 I've been doing that all day, Buddy. 291 00:13:30,075 --> 00:13:32,044 It hasn't gotten me anywhere. 292 00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:34,113 Well, maybe your list isn't as full as mine. 293 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:37,116 The longer you're married, the longer the list. 294 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,286 Hey, how about jealousy? 295 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,454 No, I tried that. It couldn't be jealousy. 296 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,156 Laura doesn't cry when she's jealous. 297 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,292 She just sits there and smiles. Smiles? 298 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,960 Yeah, like this. 299 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,364 Have you insulted your mother-in-law lately? 300 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:55,000 No, I love my mother-in-law. I never insult her. 301 00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,503 That's just it. You're neglecting the old bat. 302 00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:59,238 You gotta insult 'em, 303 00:13:59,271 --> 00:14:01,173 or they think you don't care. 304 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,209 You know, this is an education. 305 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,412 I gotta remember this if Woodrow's mother ever proposes. 306 00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:09,114 How about presents? Presents? 307 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:10,950 Yeah, like for special occasions. 308 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,251 Like what? 309 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:13,552 Birthday, anniversary... 310 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,221 Valentine's day, Mother's Day... 311 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:17,389 Bastille day, Rosh Hashanah. 312 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:21,026 Except for Bastille Day and Rosh Hashanah, 313 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,595 I think I'm all squared away. 314 00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,630 Did you take the garbage out? Every night. 315 00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:26,565 More important, have you taken her out? 316 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,635 Almost as often as the garbage. 317 00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:31,670 Rob, have you told her how pretty she is 318 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,672 and that you love her so much you just can't work? 319 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,107 Oh, she-- 320 00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:39,044 Sal, you're kidding, but you know something? 321 00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:42,381 I think you might've hit it. 322 00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,416 I can't remember the last time I told her I loved her. 323 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,218 See? Sally is right. 324 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:49,321 Listen, the worst thing that can happen to a woman 325 00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:51,390 is...that she go out on a date 326 00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:53,525 with one unpolished fingernail. 327 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,264 Listen, gang, thanks a lot. 328 00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:00,332 I'm sorry it's been such an unproductive day. 329 00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,034 What do you mean, unproductive? 330 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,703 I got in a beautiful eight hours' sleep. 331 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,605 I got my nails done and saved your marriage. 332 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,707 I think it's been a beautiful day. 333 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,209 Here's your coat, Sal. 334 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,577 Tally ho. 335 00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,312 Holy tal. 336 00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:14,680 ( LINE RINGS ) 337 00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,982 Hello? Oh, hi, Rob. 338 00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,218 It's Millie. Laura's in the other room. 339 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,586 Just a minute, I'll get her. 340 00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,521 Laura? It's Rob. 341 00:15:22,554 --> 00:15:25,557 LAURA: Oh, I can't talk with him this way! 342 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,593 Laura, you're being foolish. 343 00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,361 She'll be with you in a minute. 344 00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:31,130 You look beautiful. 345 00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,232 I look hideous! 346 00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,167 I disagree, but even if you do, 347 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,069 he can't see you on the phone. 348 00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,443 Oh, Millie, I don't know why 349 00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,111 I ever let you talk me into it. 350 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,780 I can't stand the way I look. 351 00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:50,382 Rob will love it, you'll see. 352 00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:56,055 Hello, Rob? 353 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:59,291 What? What did you say? 354 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,260 Sing that again. 355 00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,128 Well, I don't think it was that good, 356 00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,663 but if you insist. 357 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,498 ♪ I dreamed of Laura 358 00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,634 ♪ With the dark brown hair 359 00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:11,203 Did you tell him about my hair? 360 00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:13,238 I didn't say anything but "Hello"? 361 00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:15,507 Then why is he singing about my dark brown hair? 362 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,243 I don't know. it's just a coincidence. 363 00:16:18,277 --> 00:16:20,312 Honey? What's going on there? 364 00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,514 Oh, nothing, darling. Nothing. 365 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:24,516 Millie just asked me a question. 366 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,552 Uh, what'd you call about? 367 00:16:26,585 --> 00:16:28,287 Well, nothing, really. 368 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,789 You just called to sing about my hair? 369 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,159 Well, actually, I called to... Tell you I love you 370 00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,462 and that I'd like to be your friend again. 371 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:39,465 Well, you didn't call about my hair, then? 372 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,101 No, I didn't call about your hair. Why would I do that? 373 00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,103 Well, I don't know. I pick up the phone, 374 00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:47,139 and there you are, singing about my dark brown hair. 375 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:50,342 I mean, Rob, do you really like my hair? 376 00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:53,846 I mean really like my hair? 377 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,714 Honey, I love your hair. 378 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:59,118 Well, honey, what if I were a blonde? 379 00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:00,686 Would I be as attractive to you 380 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,454 if I were a blonde? 381 00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,457 Uh...I can't picture you as a blonde, honey. 382 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,159 Wait a minute. Yes, I can. 383 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,261 You know who you'd look like? Who? 384 00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,562 Harpo Marx. 385 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,267 He said I'd look like Harpo Marx! 386 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,536 And I do! 387 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,505 Honey... 388 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:22,508 You're not considering bleaching your hair, are you? 389 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:26,578 Oh, no, I'm not considering that. 390 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,581 Good. Don't you dare. I married a brunette, honey. 391 00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,683 If I wanted a blonde, I could've married... 392 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,119 Brigitte Bardot or Marilyn Monroe. 393 00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:35,788 You stay as sweet as you are. 394 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,890 Look, honey, I'll be home in less than an hour 395 00:17:37,923 --> 00:17:40,125 to take my brown-haired beauty to dinner. 396 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,693 Uh-- 397 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,429 you're supposed to say, "Yay." 398 00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:45,531 Yay. 399 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,633 You, uh, don't sound too pleased. 400 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:50,436 Well, I am, honey. I'm-- I'm very pleased. 401 00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:53,172 It's just that I don't think I can go. 402 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:54,773 Why not? 403 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,842 Well, it's my hair. 404 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:58,911 I know, it's a mess, honey. But you'll get it looking fine. 405 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,479 You always do. 406 00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:02,781 No, it's-- well, I shampooed it, 407 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,717 and I don't think it'll be dry in time. 408 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,686 So you go ahead to the restaurant, 409 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:09,388 and I'll meet you there in-- 410 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,423 how long will it take you to dye it back? 411 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,659 About an hour. But why do you want-- shh! 412 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:17,863 In about an hour. So don't come home. 413 00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:20,699 Will you please calm down? It's just dinner. 414 00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,468 What are you so excited about? 415 00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,403 Well, uh, I'm just excited 416 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,405 about going out to dinner with you. 417 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:27,673 I'll be home in less than an hour. 418 00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:28,907 I'm on my way. bye. 419 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,676 No, no. Rob? Wait-- 420 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,711 ( CLICK ) 421 00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:34,413 Millie, you've got less than an hour 422 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,181 to turn me back into a brunette. 423 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:38,217 Why don't you let Rob see you this way? 424 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,253 Because I look like Harpo Marx! 425 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,590 Well, all right. But I don't know if I can do it in an hour. 426 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,191 You just said you could! 427 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,893 I know, but I just remembered-- 428 00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,761 I don't have your shade in stock. 429 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,897 I used it all up on myself last week. 430 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:53,432 Oh...what are you doing? 431 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,200 I'll have to call the drug store. 432 00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:56,468 How long will it take? 433 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:58,537 Until I'm finished dialing. 434 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,606 No, I mean to dye it back. 435 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,508 I'll ask them to rush it. 436 00:19:02,541 --> 00:19:03,709 ( RINGS ) 437 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:05,244 Hello? 438 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:07,246 Hello? How fast can you get 439 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:09,381 a bottle of number 3 brown hair coloring 440 00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,416 to 148 Bonnie Meadow Road? 441 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,352 It's an emergency! A what? 442 00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,220 An emergency! 443 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,889 A hair coloring emergency? 444 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,457 Yes! 445 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,758 Is this a rib? 446 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:21,393 It's no rib. 447 00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:23,662 Is that you, Phil? 448 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,402 No, it's not Phil! It's Mrs. Helper! 449 00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:32,437 Oh, oh, Mrs. Helper, yes. Fine. 450 00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,306 Now, don't get excited. 451 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,241 I'll get it over to you as fast as I can. 452 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,946 Come on. Millie, we'll never get it done in time! 453 00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,552 Laurie? 454 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,754 Rich? 455 00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,455 Where is everybody? 456 00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,524 Here I am, Daddy! 457 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:54,359 What are you doing in there? 458 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:55,827 Playing hat check. 459 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,496 Oh. well, how's business? 460 00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,997 Terrible. 461 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,799 All right, I'll tell you what. 462 00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:03,569 Here is a tip for you. Thanks. 463 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,704 Hey, did you bring me anything, Daddy? 464 00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:08,340 Rich, I just gave you the baseball cards. 465 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,409 Oh, yeah, I forgot. 466 00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:12,277 Rich, where's your mommy? 467 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,713 She's in the bedroom, coloring. 468 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,215 Oh. 469 00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:22,454 Coloring? 470 00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:26,959 Hi, Millie. Hi. 471 00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,760 Don't go in there? Huh? 472 00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:30,596 You were going in the bedroom, weren't you? 473 00:20:30,629 --> 00:20:32,397 Yeah, why? Just don't. 474 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:34,800 Is Laura in there? Yes, she is, but-- 475 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,602 is she all right? Has anything happened? 476 00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:38,036 Well, no. She's all right. 477 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,605 Millie, I'm her husband. 478 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,039 If anything's happened-- Laura? 479 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,608 Rob, trust me. 480 00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:44,543 Go away and come back in an hour. 481 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,979 I will not. Laura, are you all right? 482 00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,647 LAURA: don't come in! 483 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,450 Why not? Because I don't want you to. 484 00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:53,018 This is getting ridiculous. 485 00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:54,920 Laura, are you all right? 486 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,888 ( SOBBING ) I'm--I'm fine! 487 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,657 Just go away! 488 00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:01,560 If you go away and come back in one hour-- 489 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,629 I'm not going away and coming back in any hour. 490 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:05,430 Now, please, Millie. I'll stay here 491 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,099 till I find out what this is-- 492 00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:08,967 Laura? 493 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,936 Laura, this is my house, 494 00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:12,604 you're my wife. 495 00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:14,740 And this is my door. 496 00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:16,708 Open it up and let me in there. 497 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,645 LAURA: Please, Rob, go away. 498 00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:22,481 Laura, I'm serious. 499 00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:24,750 ( DEEP VOICE ) Laura, listen to the tone of my voice. 500 00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:29,955 Laura, now, you know this tone, don't you? 501 00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:31,990 Laura, I am not a violent man, 502 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:33,925 but unless you're out of there by the time I count to three, 503 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:35,494 I'm gonna bust this door down. 504 00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:36,728 Go away! 505 00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:38,664 Laura, I'm serious. 506 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,434 One... 507 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:43,869 Two... 508 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,471 ( SCREAMS INDISTINCTLY ) 509 00:21:46,505 --> 00:21:48,040 Rich, go to your room and look at your baseball cards. 510 00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:49,875 Can I see you bust the door down first? 511 00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:51,777 I am not gonna bust the door down. 512 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,912 I'm gonna bust that door down. 513 00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:55,781 Go to your room. 514 00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:57,416 Where was I? 515 00:21:57,449 --> 00:21:58,550 One. 516 00:21:58,583 --> 00:21:59,818 Thank you. 517 00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:01,653 One... 518 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,455 Two... 519 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,756 Three! 520 00:22:23,775 --> 00:22:25,477 Why? 521 00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,617 What is that? 522 00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:35,620 Well, are you satisfied? 523 00:22:35,654 --> 00:22:38,056 We told you to come back in an hour. 524 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:40,525 You're bleaching your hair blond. 525 00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:42,728 We're not bleaching her hair-- 526 00:22:45,063 --> 00:22:47,699 I suppose it's turning by itself? 527 00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:51,069 We're dyeing it back to its natural color. 528 00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:53,872 Laura's been a blonde all afternoon. 529 00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:57,209 All afternoon! 530 00:22:57,242 --> 00:22:59,444 Honey, why? 531 00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:02,914 Why? Well, yesterday morning, 532 00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:04,883 I kissed you, 533 00:23:04,916 --> 00:23:07,786 and you said, "Don't do that." 534 00:23:07,819 --> 00:23:10,555 And you came down to breakfast 535 00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:12,824 in your yucky shirt... 536 00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:15,727 ( SOBBING INDISTINCTLY ) 537 00:23:17,963 --> 00:23:20,465 and the gray hair! 538 00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:22,901 And the Harpo Marx! 539 00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:27,239 And the general yuckiness! 540 00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:29,174 Honey. 541 00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:35,213 Honey, it's all right. 542 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,783 I understand, honey. 543 00:23:37,816 --> 00:23:40,185 I understand. 544 00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:42,888 You do? 545 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,157 Uh, I think I'll come back after dinner 546 00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:46,825 and finish the job. 547 00:23:46,858 --> 00:23:49,060 Bye. 548 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,163 Oh, Rob. 549 00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:53,031 Bye, everybody. 550 00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:05,177 Good night, Daddy. Good night, son. 551 00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,212 Daddy, tomorrow, is Mommy's hair 552 00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:08,947 gonna be brown again? 553 00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:11,249 It certainly is. That's good. 554 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:13,919 Oh, you think mama's prettier with brown hair, too? 555 00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:16,721 No, I think she's prettier with yellow. 556 00:24:16,755 --> 00:24:18,790 You do? Mm-hmm. 557 00:24:18,824 --> 00:24:21,593 Then why are you so happy about her turning it brown again? 558 00:24:21,626 --> 00:24:24,029 Because I don't want her to look prettier. 559 00:24:24,062 --> 00:24:25,964 I want her to look like Mommy. 560 00:24:25,997 --> 00:24:28,166 ( LAUGHS ) 561 00:24:32,237 --> 00:24:34,206 ♪♪ 38592

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