All language subtitles for House on Eden 2025

*** Subtitles by dylux ***

(Birds chirping)

(Insect buzzing)

Aah!

Oh!

What happened?

A fucking bird just dive-bombed me,

and I dropped my meat sticks!

- Violent.
- Where'd it go?

Please tell me you got that on film.

Only on my eyes. I'm sorry.

Come on, guys, we have
so many cameras this trip.

- Film it all.
- I know.

You're expecting too much of me.

I'm gonna go get another snack.

She's gonna go get more meat sticks.

All right. Recording.

All right,
so what's up with this place?

I am so excited, dude.
I went on Google.

There's literally 72 articles.
And the best part?

There's a story that resonates
with all three of us.

Okay. All right.

And for you to be sounding
this excited kind of gets

- me a little excited.
- I'm pumped.

Why is there a swastika
on the table?

Let's go, muchachos.

Let's hit the road,
quit dilly-dallying.

Let's go.

- What'd you get?
- Nothing for you.

Okay.

- What about me?
- I got all the snacks for you.

(Laughs)

(Film projector clicking)

(Laughing)

(Engine revving)

Very country-looking out here.
Holy fuck.

- What up?
- Look at that.

Beautiful.

Those are fields of food.
Look at that.

We're in cousin-fucking country now.

We're in cousin-fucking country.
Whoo-hoo! Whoo!

- Oh, God.
- What?

- Something is not right.
- What are you doing?

Jay, I've done something unflattering.

- Oh, God, what did you do?
- Can you fix this?

- (Sighs)
- That should be better.

- Okay.
- All right.

We gotta learn
how to use these cameras

if we're gonna be filming
the next few nights.

I know how to work a fucking camera.

- Okay.
- I don't. No promises.

I can hold it.

Okay, well, you know,

I already made one shitty
horror movie in my lifetime.

I don't need to make another one.

Say "horror" one more time.

"Har-ar."

- Horror!
- Horror!

Horror! Horror!

Horror-or-or-or.

What is that?

Dude, I think that black bird
is following you.

Oh! Shut up!

- Birds, man.
- He wants you.

He wants to be inside you.

(Laughing)

- It's not funny.
- It's kind of funny.

- Guys, I have to poop.
- Aw.

What? We just stopped.

There's no gas stations here.
I don't know--

What do you want me to do?

It's fine. I have my shitting shack.

Oh, my Go--

While Jay and Celina
are taking a piss,

I'm gonna tell you
about the little surprise

that I have for them.

So I have been in the bowels
of online forums--

...went missing, like, 60 years ago,

and I think it could all be, like,
tied into something

and we could actually find something

that nobody's ever found before.

So they don't know it yet.

(Static)

Look at this fucking guy.

Must be so nice to be a guy!

It sure as shit is.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

My...

Ow.

What the hell are you doing?

Um...

Hey, I was playing Rock,
Paper, Scissors, to be honest.

Are you taking a shit?

I am. Can you smell it?

I told you not to bring this thing.

Look how convenient it's been.

You know what, Kris?
When you need to shit,

you're gonna be really happy
this is here

and Jay doesn't have to hold
your hand to keep you up.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, fuck!
Dude, is that your shit?!

- Oh, my God! No, no.
- It's in a bag.

- Where are you gonna put it?
- In the back.

No, you are not gonna put--

Oh! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Okay, okay.

I spy something that is green.

A tree.

- Yes! It's trees.
- Oh, man.

It's trees.

I spy something that is orange.

- Oh.
- Ohh.

- Oh. Uh, what?
- Your hair!

No, good guess, though.

The emergency light on on this van.

- Oh.
- Who rented this?

Was this your idea? You know what?

We're in a freaking wheelchair van.

But look at the space
that we have for activities.

I love to play
the license-plate game,

but clearly there is... (Chuckles)

- There's nobody here.
- Where the hell are we?

This is probably a terrible angle.

- (Laughing)
- Probably.

Do you know what's good
about the wheelchair van?

- What?
- I can literally come up here,

stand because I'm 5 feet tall.

Don't stand up!
You need to put a seatbelt on!

Celina. No! Celina!!

- Go sit down!
- ♪ I'm not gonna sit down ♪

- If I kill you, I will kill you.
- ♪ I'm gonna party ♪

♪ I'm gon-- ♪
Okay.

You know what?
I'm working something up.

Hold on. You're not recording, Celina.

Oh. What?

You're not recording.

Oh, fuck. I hit it.

Guys, I'm getting, like,
a little concerned

that we haven't seen, like, a soul.

Uh, yeah, I think that's a good sign.

That means this video
is gonna be even creepier.

Where the fuck are we going?

I checked the GPS.

Yeah, we're not going the right way.

- What?
- We're taking a little detour.

- What?
- What? Where?

So I asked around,
and apparently there's, like,

an abandoned/haunted house--

Kris, we're supposed to be
at the cemetery at 7:30.

I know, but it's a graveyard.
It can wait.

Okay? I-I want to do something cool.

I want to do something
that we've never done before.

This is what we planned for.

(Sighs) It's only, like,
10 minutes away.

- Dude, pull over. Stop.
- What the fuck, man?

I didn't think you guys
would actually get mad.

- Like...
- I've been spending hours.

I spent, like, 8 hours researching this

and putting the files
together in the write-up.

I get it, I-I'm sorry.
I get that, I get that,

but we're doing the most basic shit.

We keep going to different locations.

It's the same thing
every single time.

Something that people
have done all the time.

And I just wanted to
surprise you guys

to a place that nobody's ever
been before

- or that I know of, at least.
- It'd be nice to be involved,

to have, like, an idea so we
could research so we could be,

- like, fucking prepared.
- Thank you.

I mean, improv. Like, we could
just show up and do something.

We don't always have to be so--
so fucking rehearsed.

Like, it's fucking boring.

I want to do something exciting,

and I thought this
would be exciting.

I'm sorry I didn't involve
you guys, but it's just--

You're fucking
party poopers half the time.

Not having the facts
makes me feel like an idiot.

When you talk to a camera
and you say the wrong shit,

that's not cool.

Okay. That's fair, that's fair.

It's the Kris show, dude.
It's the Kris show all the time.

Okay, okay.

Thank you. Someone finally said that.

All right.

I'm sorry I didn't involve you guys.

I still think it's worth going
and just checking it out.

It's not that far.
We could just check it out.

I am thinking the best
for the entire group.

It's not just about me,

as much as you guys
want to think that.

I really think that this could be
really, really fucking cool.

No one's ever been there before?

- Not that I know of.
- Nothing on YouTube?

No, I researched that much.

I mean, that's cool, but, dude,
just fucking communicate with us, man.

Like, we're spending--

- Dude, dude, dude...
- All right, all right.

Just cut it.
It's going the wrong way.

All right, all right. Yeah.

I just--
Like, you guys are my best friends.

I just want to be successful
with you guys

and make something
really fucking cool.

And I don't want to do basic
shit anymore.

We all want that.
We all want that.

I want that.

All right, we're losing daylight, so...

Yeah, let's get going.

I don't want to end up
on a back road at, like, 10:30.

Yeah. All right.

All right, so I'm about to prove
to these guys

that no one knows about this
by calling Sam and Colby.

Because if anyone knows, they know.

And if they don't know,
then we're good.

- Aah!
- We're filming right now.

We're filming a ghost-hunt
video, and we figured that

you guys know, like,
basically every single location.

Um, so we are going to a place
called the House on Eden Road,

and we just wanted to know

if you guys have heard of that
before.

I've actually never heard of it.

- House on Eden Road?
- Yeah.

It's like a big, like...

It's like--
It's really unknown.

So I was like, "I feel like

not even Sam and Colby would
know about it."

So have you never heard about it?

- No.
- Okay.

- You got us on that one.
- All right, all right.

- Cool, cool.
- A mystery location.

That's pretty--
That's all right.

That's all right.
That's all we needed to know.

That's all we needed to know.

- Yeah.
- I believe you now.

Right? That's what I'm saying.

- If they-- Okay. I'm excited.
- Okay.

That's what I'm saying is
that nobody knows about this.

Not even Sam and Colby.
So let's do this.

- Let's do this.
- Let's check it out.

Okay. We are officially
out of road,

and this is where it is.

It's still like...

We're gonna have to go on foot.

We don't have that many bags.

Are you filming on a fucking toaster?

No, man. It's a Sony Handycam
digital-8 thingy.

We film on an 8-millimeter
half the time.

- It'll make it like--
- Yeah.

Now this is like
an 8-millimeter tape.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

But I say we walk the rest
of the way.

- What?
- It's right there.

That's all bush. Dude.

(Stammers) It'll be fine.
We have a trail here.

But we have so much--
We have our luggage.

- We have our-- the equipment.
- What if--

What if the best video
ever is right there?

- Ready?
- Yeah.

3, 2, 1...

♪ Dowr, dowr, dowr, dowr ♪
Start again.

♪ Dowr dowr dowr dowr
dowr dowr dowr dowr dowr ♪

♪ Dowr dowr dowr dowr
dowr dowr dowr dowr dowr ♪

♪ Dowr dowr da-na-na-an
dowr dowr dowr ♪

- Over here.
- Oh.

♪ Dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun ♪

♪ Dun dun dun dun dun
dun dun dun ♪

Go, ghosts!

(British accent) That's where
we're going. Down the trail.

Down the way we go
to the ghostie town.

(Normal voice) To the ghostie town.

I'm nervous.
What are you doing?

- What are you doing?
- Oh.

Let's go.

Find my hat.
One, two, check in. All right.

We're gonna make the
most epic video ever.

Let's-- uh, let's get some
lav mics on

so we don't sound like shit.

Celina, that's you. Kris.

And, uh, I'll join
the-- the-- the mass brigade.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Have you seen a picture of this place?

Uh...

Or, like, at least what it looks like?

No. No, but I'm assuming
it's supposed to be like a house,

and it looks like there's
no fucking houses anywhere here.

There's no road.
That's what has me concerned.

Well, we'll see.

Well...

fucking mint, bro.

That's tucked away now.

Ain't nobody gonna find this shit.

- Okay.
- All right.

Let's go.

Let's get the shit and, uh,
say goodbye to the van.

Bye, van.

Kristina.

- Oh. Yeah.
- It's okay.

- You don't need me in the shot.
- Okay.

What are you filming there, Jay?

Shit.

Which direction do we go?

Uh...

I think it's this way.

Okay. All right.

I'm gonna try to do this together.

Okay?

Hey, a little help would
be kind of-- kind of nice.

- Hmm?
- Seriously?

Yeah, dude, I can't fucking film,
have a camera...

That's why we bring you along,
to carry cameras.

I see--
I see two open hands right now.

(Sighs)

Okay, be a little--
a little nice.

Maybe nice, but not that nice.

(Speaks indistinctly)

Heh-heh-heh.

(Film projector clicking)

Okay. Um... Yeah.

So I think...

we need to, like,
utilize this creepy-ass forest.

And I think it'd be fun to do, like,

a little comedic aspect before
we actually get to the house.

So we should play, like--
I don't know, like,

hide-and-seek or something.

And then one of us will,
like, jump out in front.

- Yeah.
- I think that'd be fun.

We'll, like, dick around
for, like, five minutes

- and then we'll keep walking.
- Are you recording?

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

(Indistinct conversation)

I'm getting it, like,
a little bit at this point.

Okay. That's good. That's good.

Oh, let's do Rock, Paper, Scissors.

For what?

See who has to seek.
See who has to hide.

- Oh.
- Let's do it. Let's do it.

Wait. Can you do a three-way that way?

Rock, paper, scissors. Oh, wow.

That's terrible.

How do you guys--
Do you guys not do that?

That's what I do.
He goes rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

I go rock, paper, scissors.

We're doing it the Canadian way.

Yeah.

We're doing rock, paper, scissors.
Got it?

Okay. Ready?
Rock, paper, scissors.

Oh, fuck. What?

- Nehhhh!
- Bl-bl-bl-bl!

- We're gonna hide, bitch.
- All right.

Turn around and count to 50.

50?!

1, 2...

Oh, goddamn it.

- Kris.
- What?

Do you think--
Do you think he can see me?

Yeah, he can probably see you.

What about now?

I think you should find
a different spot.

Is it 'cause the tree's
not big enough?

No, no, no, no, that's not it.

Okay.

(Groans softly) Shit.

Okay, that's got to be wide enough.

What the fuck is that?

♪ 36, 37 ♪

♪ 38, 39 ♪

(Breathing heavily)

What the hell?

I thought I saw something.

(Deep voice) 47...

48...

49, 50.

(Normal voice)
♪ Ready or not, here I come ♪

Holy shit!

What the fuck?

Oh, my God, yes.

If I was Celina, where would I be?

I think I still smell
your shit from earlier, girl.

Some bullshit because you
is right behind here.

Ha ha ha!

- Got you.
- You got me, boo.

All right, if I was Krissy-tinas,

where would you be?

Well, she's being a bitch,

so she's probably a witch
and flew up into a tree.

Oh, wait.
She's over there. Oh!

Hold on.

Kristina! Ha ha!

I got you. I think I got you.

- What you seeing, boo?
- She was right here.

I think this forest
is getting to you.

This damn heat's getting to me.

This whole trip's getting to me.

(Exhales sharply)

Where on Earth would she be?

(Singsong voice) Kristina.

Did we really
have to play hide-and-seek

like a bunch of fucking teens?

You know what? I get it.
I don't, but I do.

You know what I mean?

I feel like someone's
definitely gonna break an ankle.

- Yeah, there's--
- There's no one to sue

if we break an ankle out here.

- Who? What? Suing?

Hey, what about this bush?
- Shh.

What was that?
- A bug in your hair.

Dude, I heard that.
I heard that.

Come on.

Okay. What if we actually lost
her, though?

That's fine. We're gonna
get the hell out of here.

- Kris, are you fucking with us?
- Oh!

This is so thick.

Yo, what the hell?

That is terrifying.

That's the murder house.

This is where we're gonna get murdered.

Yo.

- Don't break an ankle, please.
- Fuck.

That looks like it
should be falling down.

Yeah.

There we go.

Jesus.

Whoa!

Do you think she's hiding
in there?

She'd be too scared to go in there.

(Twig snaps)

Oh! Ooh!

- Oh, my God.
- Dude. What?

- You think she's in there?
- (Speaks indistinctly)

- Should I open it?
- Go for it.

I can't even...

I don't know about that.

- I don't know--
- Listen.

- What?

- There's somebody in there.
- Let's see.

- Listen.
- (Hissing)

It's hissing.

All right, let's just keep going.

- (Yells)
- Aah! Fucking--

(Laughter)

Oh, my God, that was fucking awesome.

Not cool, bro.

- How sick is this?
- There's something in there.

What the fuck is all this?

Shit.

Celina, you still got that bag?

- I might need to fill it.
- (Laughs)

This shit's crazy.

Wha...

What the hell do you think this is?

Is this part of everything you
read up on or no?

I don't know.

Probably teenagers or some shit.

(Sighs)

I don't know anything about this,

but I do know

that I read about a girl going
missing, like, around...

What's that? What?

- What?
- I thought I saw something.

Anyway, I read about a girl
going missing, like, 60-ish years ago.

I don't know who,
but that's what I read online.

- Okay.
- So that's about all I know.

I don't know anything
about this shit.

How much further is the house?

I don't know. I'll have to check.

Wait. Hold on.

Who won hide-and-seek?
I guess you.

- I did.
- Oh.

Yeah. Give me your money, bitch!

Um, should probably hurry up.
It's getting dark.

Oh, fuck. So...

This is the last place you want to be

when it's pitch black, dude.
There's no light.

How much further?

Start back on the trail
that we were on.

- Fuck! Where's our shit?
- Uh...

- Um...
- Oh.

- Um...
- (Sighs)

- I don't know.
- I'm sure it's over here.

This way? Yeah. Go.
Go north. That's south.

Wait.

- East. West.
- It's right there, I see it.

- Okay.
- Fine.

Here, hold on.
Let me get in front of you guys.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

All right. Walk--
Walk past.

♪ Boom boom ♪

♪ Ba da da da da
boom boom ba da ♪

♪ Boom boom ♪

♪ Ba da da da da ba
boom boom ba da ♪

Oh, God. Fuck you.

Jesus Christ.

Look how pretty
the little flowers are.

Oh, wow. Oh, fuck!
There's a fucking fly.

Aah!

There's so many fucking bugs out here.

Guys!

- Holy shit!
- Oh, my God.

What? Whoa!

Holy shit!

- Oh, my God!
- Is that fire?

This is insane.

- Huge.
- It's fucking...

Are you recording on that?

Yeah. One sec.

I literally smell it still.
This is fresh.

You can see the smoke coming up.

We missed a party, dude.

Why are people so far out?

- It smells like a barbecue.
- Yeah.

You guys film that,
I'll just stay on you guys.

Yeah. Dude.

Why is it, like, a perfect circle?

I don't know.

- It smells so good.
- Weird.

I wonder who came
all the way out here.

- We're far. I don't see shit.
- Yeah, dude.

(Speaks indistinctly)

Hello?!

Whoo!

Ah-ho!

- Moo!
- (Ringtone plays eerie music)

Dude, what the fuck?
Is that your ringtone?

Oh.

That is creepy as fuck.

Guys, it's getting dark.
I don't want to be out here.

- I'm afraid he's gonna show up.
- Get away from my fire!

We just gotta go down this way.

- Oh, into the dark forest?
- Yeah. Cool.

I mean, it's not that far.

You know what would have
been a lot easier, Kris?

- What?
- The graveyard.

- (Chuckles) Yeah.
- You know what?

- (Laughing)
- It'll be worth it.

- Or not.
- Come on, move your ass.

We've been on the trail
for seven years.

Holy shit. Look at this.
Look at this.

- Oh, my God!
- Holy shit.

- This is insane.
- This is huge.

What?

Suck my dick!
Oh, my God!

- Dude.
- What?

This is literally in the middle
of fucking nowhere.

There's no cars here.
There's nobody here.

No, there has to be someone here.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God!

Kris. Kris.

- No, I'm just gonna knock.
- Dude.

- Hello?
- Kris, come on.

Dude, nobody's in here. Come on.

Come see.

It looks like someone's
grandmother lives here.

- Are you fucking crazy?
- Holy shit. Dude!

Dude! Dude, what the--

Let's make a game plan.
Let's make a game plan.

Let's go check out the perimeter.

See if we see any signs of life.

Scooby-Doo gang.
Let's split up. Okay?

And then... we can go inside.

Oh, my God.

It's so fucking hard
to see in there.

Anyone home?

Oh, we have a hold out. Right?

I'm just setting myself up for success.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Into the abyss.

We're going inside.

Yeah. I don't see anything, guys.

- Yeah. Me either.
- Me neither.

Let's grab our shit
and check this bitch out.

All right.

Ooh!

Oh, wait. Hold on.
Let me get in front of you.

So I can film
you guys coming in.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right.

- Holy shit.
- Oh, there you go.

Yeah.

This place is insane.

- Oh, my God.
- There's no fucking power.

- Oh, shit. Really?
- Perfect.

That means nobody's fucking here.

Does it?

We got this whole place to ourselves.

- Or they're poor.
- This is insane.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

I'll check out upstairs.
You guys check out down here.

All right. Yeah, I'll go over here,
I guess.

Holy shit.

Those are terrifying.

Oh.

(Laughs softly)

The vibes. All vibes.

(Chuckles)

I'm gonna be honest.

I don't feel good about this.

(Sighs)

Jay, how do you feel?
I don't feel good about this.

Really?

- You all right?
- We are fucking clear, baby.

- Okay. Nobody's here?
- Ain't nobody here.

This place is insane.
Come up here. Come up here.

- All right.
- Oh, my God.

Look at these stairs.

These stairs are (indistinct)
Creepy mirror.

These are insane.

Check this shit out.
Like, look at that.

Creepy chandelier.

That's fucking awesome.

It is insane.
Oh, my God, that clock.

I know.

Like, it looks untouched.

It's crazy.

Oh, can I set up a power box
to charge batteries?

Oh, yeah.
'Cause the power's out.

Fucking smart.
That's why we brought you.

What happens if somebody
shows up tomorrow?

Nobody's gonna show up tomorrow.

There's no fucking power.
We're good.

I just, um, it just--

Do you not, like, feel weird?
Like, does it not feel--

I feel a little nauseous,
but that's besides the point.

This place is awesome.

- Let's make it a cool video.
- It is cool.

It is cool. It is cool.
Is it cool, Jay?

- It's pretty cool.
- It's cool.

It better be the greatest
fucking video ever. Okay?

It will be.

I'm going against all the feelings.

- Set it up.
- I'm gonna set up in here.

Brother and sister are lovers.

Brother or sister or lovers?

Oh, that's sick.
Honestly, I might have to drag--

- Boo!
- Jesus.

- How are you feeling?
- I'm okay.

- A little bit better?
- Meh...

- Oh, fuck.
- What?

- What the fuck?
- What's wrong?

Literally, I've been going
through this bag.

Cannot find one of the cameras.

- Which camera?
- Oh, one of the expensive ones.

- Well, did you check the bags?
- Oh, I checked that bag, too.

- What?
- Oh, fuck.

When we dropped all our shit
on the trail.

- We have to go get it.
- Yeah.

Yeah, but somebody's got to
stay back here with the shit.

Good luck.

Okay.

Let's check out this creepy-ass house.

Got your light on?

You don't have to record
if you don't want.

Might as well. That's on. Right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

What do you think of the place?

(Laughs) I don't know.
I just don't know.

It's a little creepy.

It's just weird
not knowing anything about it.

- Yeah.
- Look where we are right now.

Oh, God, it's so dark,
I can't even get you in focus.

- Oh, there we go.
- There we go.

Scariest thing you've seen all night.

Watch out!

I just... I don't know,
weird night, weird vibes.

Typical Kris, though.
You said it earlier.

- (Screeches)
- Thank you-- What the...

You heard that, right?
What the fuck was that?

(Animal noises, insects chirping)

Hmm.

Dude, it's probably just one
of the woodland creatures.

What?

If you get in your head about it,

it's gonna ruin
the whole night. Okay?

We just got to keep going.

Come on.

Hold on. Wait up for me.

Oh! (Vomiting)

(Coughing, spits)

(Breathing heavily)

- (Faucet turns)
- (Water spurts, stops)

Fuck!

(Sighs)

Jay, cut that.

Where's the moon, Jay?
You can't see the moon.

The trees are covering it.

Oh.

Dang it, man.

Whoa! Dude.

How did we miss that?

Holy fucking Christ.
Thank the Lord.

(Sighs)

We were here.
This is the way back, right?

Uh, well...

We got to get out of here, dude.

- (Screeches)
- What the--

I'm so done with this.

I'm so done. Can we go?

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Oh, my God.

She's so pretty.

What the...

Jesus.

Jesus.

Can you slow down, please?

No, man. Sasquatch is out here.
Fuck that.

If I was Kris,
you wouldn't leave me behind.

Oh, yeah, 'cause she keeps
my lights on

and a roof over my head.
Let's go. Come on, dude.

Yeah. That's why.

What the hell
is that supposed to mean?

- You know exactly what I mean.
- No, I don't.

- Yeah, you do.
- (Chuckles) Okay.

Play dumb. Keep playing dumb.

"Playing dumb."
She's my boss, dude.

So not obvious.

That's fucking weird,
if that's what you're implying.

Why do you think I'm implying that?

(Loud thud)

Guys?!

Guys, it's not funny! Celina?!

J-- Come on!

Celina?

(Thudding)

I don't know. Maybe we can
figure that out...

- Oh, shit.
- Holy fuck.

- Kris! Kris! Kris! Kris!
- Kris! Kris! Kris! Kris!

Does anything hurt?

I mean, my head hurts, but I'm fine.

Your neck though?

- No. I'm fine.
- Oh, my God.

- I'm fine.
- What the hell happened, man?

I don't know, I was filming
with the Hi8 camera,

and I fell and I hit my head, I guess.

I don't really know.

Oh, dude,

we can watch back the footage
to see what the hell happened.

- Oh, fuck. You're right.
- I can't see.

- Oh, God.
- Here.

- Thank you.
- No, cap. Be careful.

Dude. It's just a blue screen.

- It's not--
- What?

There's nothing on here.

Is it broken?

No. It works.
I just can't play the footage.

Okay, guys, can we just--

Can we stay in the van tonight?

And can we swing by the emerg
and just get you checked out?

Oh, my God. I'm fine.

You were unconscious on the floor.

I've hit my head before.
I'm fine.

Okay, that's not a good reason.

I think it's fucking
weird in this house.

Maybe we should just sleep
in the van or get...

I'd like to keep an eye on you.
Okay?

I can keep an eye on you,
and it'll be fine.

Please give me this.

- Yeah.
- Fine. Fine.

But we're coming back tomorrow.

We'll come back tomorrow.
First thing.

That's fine. Just make sure
you're all right.

I'll look better in the daylight.

- All right.
- Cool.

(Loud thud)

What the fuck?

Oh, fuck.

- Jay? Jay!
- What? What?

- What the fuck is going on?
- I don't-- What?

Oh, my God, did you piss yourself?

- What?
- No. What?

Where's Celina? What the fuck?

Oh, God. Celina?!

Celina?!

Celina?

(Breathing heavily)

Celina?!

(Speaks indistinctly)

(Breathing heavily)

(Chanting indistinctly)

Celina?

(Chanting in foreign language)

Celina.

Oh. What the hell is she doing?

I don't know,
I think she's stuck in, like--

- Hey.
- No, no, no!

Oh!!

Celina. Celina!

Hey, hey, look at me, look at me.

- Hey.
- Look at me.

Did Jay piss himself?

Okay, we have no idea what's happening,

but we need to get it on video
because this is insane.

All right. Thanks for the hit, Tyson.

Hey, you know you're not supposed

- to wake up a sleepwalker.
- I know, I know, I know.

What the fuck happened last night?

(Chuckles)

The last thing I remember is
us sitting over there deciding

that we were gonna go to
the van.

I don't remember anything.

When did we go to sleep?

- Yeah.
- I don't know.

This is weird.

All I remember is us talking
about it, and then we woke up.

I just, I--
It's kind of like--

It's crazy, but not in, like, a bad way.

Like, we could--

we could actually
catch something for real.

Like, all of us blacking out
at the same time...

- Yeah.
- ...is, like, crazy.

That's dangerous. That's...

But I mean, imagine the video
that we could make.

Yeah. Dude, we've been here
for 12 hours.

12 hours.

We have found you on the floor
unconscious.

I've punched Jay in the face,
and we've had a group blackout.

Yeah, but, I mean, that was his own fault.

- The other shit...
- Okay, okay. Jesus.

I know. I learned. (Chuckles)

(Soft clattering)

What the fuck was that?

I don't know.

Something's happening in this house,

and we need to figure out what it is.

(Retching)

Hey.

- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah. I'm good.

I'm just... I got nerves.

You never get nervous.
What's up?

(Sighs) I'm fine.

Let's see, probably...

♪ So bad ♪

Yeah. Okay. Cool.

(Footsteps departing)

Yo, come check out this other camera.

(Sighs)

- What's up?
- Yeah.

- Some Spielberg shit right here.
- (Sighs)

You see the whole bed?

Um, I don't really like it.

Let's turn it a little bit.

Move. Back. Yeah.

I think if we get this,
it's, like, more dynamic.

So...

I mean, it's a 10-millimeter lens.

We can see the whole room.

Yeah, I don't really care.
This looks a lot better.

Okay.

I don't really know why
I bring you along half the time.

You can't even set up a fucking camera.

Let's go! We got to do the rest
of the investigation.

Let's go!

Okay, so pick the next one.

We're gonna be setting up
in the dining room.

- Okay.
- So...

- set up a camera.
- Set up a camera. Yeah.

Hello, everybody,

and welcome back
to another Spooky AF production.

I'm Call Me Kris.

And I'm Celina Spooky Boo.

And tonight we are
at an abandoned house

that we found online.

Um, actually, I'm just--

We're gonna do another take.

I just-- Since I found it,

I just kind of want to be
the one to say that I found it,

so let's just run it from the top.

- Yeah. Okay.
- (Clearing throat)

Okay. One, two.

Hello, everybody,

and welcome back
to another Spooky AF production.

- I'm Call Me Kris.
- And I'm Celina Spooky Boo.

And today we are at
an abandoned house that I found

and it is called
the House on Eden.

And we don't know too much
about it.

But we took the liberty
to set up static cams inside,

and we are going to investigate
every single room

- to find the truth.
- So let's check it out.

(Screeches)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What?

Did you hear that?

Is that what we heard on the trail?

Sounds like it.

Guys, it's just a bobcat.

They're everywhere around here.

It's not a big deal.
Let's just go inside.

We are now in the house on Eden.

This place is massive
and absolutely pristine.

It's crazy.

It's like somebody lived
here yesterday,

but it's clearly abandoned.

There's no electricity,
there's no water,

but there's not even
a speck of dust either.

Yeah. So we need to do
an investigation

and unravel the mystery
of this house.

And I think the best way

to go about that is to do it
in the heart of the home.

So I'm thinking...

the grand dining room.

- Oh, my God!
- (Laughing)

You...

(Indistinct) just dropped out
of my asshole.

Good.

All right, so we are
in the grand dining room,

and I'm obviously here with
my partner in crime, Celina,

and we are here with one of our
favorite devices, the Alice box.

Yes. This is used by the ghosts
to generate words

so it's easier for us
to communicate with them.

Yep. So we're gonna turn it on

and it's gonna make
some weird noises.

And hopefully we'll be able to figure

out what the heck's going on and
what our next move should be.

- All right?
- All right.

(Sighs)

What should we ask first?

Is anybody here with us?

(Static)

The woman who went missing years ago,

are you here?

(Static)

You can use this device
to talk to us.

We're just here to help
and learn about you.

(Static)

You can tell us your secrets.

(Static)

Is this thing not working?

I don't know
if I've seen it flash before.

(Device beeps)

Here.

Okay. Thank you.

Um, can you give us
something else?

Oh, shit. It just turned off.
Did it die?

I just put batteries in that, like,
three days ago.

It couldn't have died.

Why does this always fucking happen?

Do we have batteries?
Did you pack batteries?

- I have batteries, yeah.
- Double AA's?

Okay, well, let's go get some batteries.

All right.

(Device beeps)

Corner.

So Jay doesn't know
where any batteries are,

even though that's his only job.

So we can't continue
with the Alice box right now.

So we're moving on with the night

in one of the potentially
haunted bedrooms here.

Yes, this room is actually located above

where we were sitting downstairs
where we heard the thumps.

So we are going to
be doing the Estes Method.

And for those of you
who don't know what it is...

This is going to scan
AM/FM frequencies

and the ghosts are able to use
it and throw words out at us

so we can communicate
with them effectively.

Yeah. So Celina's gonna go under,

be completely all senses gone
sight and hearing.

She's gonna be listening to it,

and I'm going to be trying
to communicate

with the spirits through Celina.

So let's do it.

Okay. So Celina is setting up
the Estes right now.

She is turning on
this little transmitter device

and she is putting on
her blindfold so she can't see

and her headphones

so she can't hear what I'm saying.

So we can get an authentic answer

if there are any spirits here
with us.

So I'm going to tap her
on the shoulder

to let her know
that we're ready to start.

And let's get going.

Ready.

(Sighs)

Okay.

We thought we heard a noise
in this room before.

We would love to know if there
is someone in this room with us.

Could you make yourself known
through Celina?

She will speak for you.

Hello.

Okay. Hello. Hello.

Um, we'd love to know more about you.

We want to know your story,

who you are, um,
what happened to you.

If you could--

If you could give us some information,

we would love to get to know you.

Taken.

Okay. Taken.

Taken.

Do you think it's the, uh,
the little girl?

Okay. Just let me-- Let me do it.

- Oh.
- Just...

Um, do you, um...

Is it about the girl that went missing

60 years ago? Is that, uh...

Is that who you're speaking about?

Were you the one that was taken?

Were you taken from here?

Her.

Her. Um...

Were, uh-- Was it--

- Is there any other information?
- Can you just--

Can you just let me do it? Okay?

Um, it-- Was it a woman?

Was it a woman that took you?

Does this woman have a name?

Do you have a name? Could you--
Could you give us that?

Lilith.

Lilith.

Dude. Dude.

"Lilith" is above the door upstairs.

- Holy shit.
- Congratulations.

(Thud)

Oh, my God, I think that's coming--

Stay here.

(Chanting in foreign language)

(Chanting continues)

(Doorknob rattling)

(Chanting continues,
disembodied voice joins)

Fuck.

- (Chanting continues faster)
- Hey.

(Panting)

(Doorknob rattling)

- (Demonic voice chanting)
- Celina.

Celina!

- Hey! Hey!
- (Chanting continues)

Celina! Celina!!

Celina! Hey! Hey!

What are you--

Guys, the door is locked upstairs.

- I'm cutting the camera.
- Don't cut it!

- We can't cut right now.
- No, man.

You didn't see what
the hell just happened!

What the fuck just happened?

She was speaking, like, satanic-type shit.

- I'm not cool with this anymore.
- Seriously?

I don't fucking know.

Why are you so fucking stoked
about this?

Because that's insane.
That's awesome.

Did you get it on camera?

Yes, I got it on fucking camera.

Because that's the only thing
you've been fucking caring about

this entire goddamn fucking trip.

- Somebody has to.
- Dude...(Sighs)

I don't know if
I can fucking do this anymore.

- Then don't. Fucking go.
- Cool.

- I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette.
- Okay, well,

we're gonna just do the
next investigation by ourselves,

so don't bother coming back.

(Door closes)

Fucking bitch.

Okay. While Celina's getting
ready for the investigation,

I was just dicking around
and looked up the name Lilith--

the one that's on the top
of the door-- on Google,

expecting nothing.

Except this is the first thing
that comes up.

Recognize it?

It's down-fucking-stairs.

So there's an article on it,

and I want to read it on camera
for the first time.

So before Eve,

Lilith was created by God
from earth and dust

and placed to live in the garden
with Adam until chaos arose

after Adam tried
to exercise dominance.

She believed they
were created equal,

so she fled the garden
and was told by three angels

they would kill all her unborn
children if she didn't return.

She refused.
Being plagued with this curse,

Lilith despises men,
often appearing in their dreams

to humiliate them
through erotic emissions

and envies women
able to bear children.

This demonic, raven-haired succubus

embodies human fears and preys
on people to possess

so she can walk the Earth
and bear children of her own,

children that possess Lilith's
power and cause.

How fucking awesome is that?

I think I'm gonna keep this
to myself.

And for the next investigation,

I think we're gonna see
how it pieces together,

because we're going off
on our own--

Me and Celina.

So we'll see how it all comes together.

What's up, guys?
It's Sam and Colby.

(Laughs) Just kidding. It's not.

Okay, guys. So we're gonna do
the next investigation,

and we're gonna split up this time

and go into separate rooms alone.

And I am gonna take the cat balls
and the music box.

And I am going to take the Alice box.

And we're just gonna see what happens.

- So let's do it.
- Let's do it.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, everyone,
I am here with the Alice box.

I found some fresh batteries,

so we're gonna see
if there's anything in this room

that wants to communicate.

Okay, so I have set up
multiple cat balls here

and a music box.

So how the cat balls work is
that you need to come

into really close proximity.

So you pretty much need to touch them
for them to go off.

So hopefully if there's
any entities here

and they walk by them,
I can pick it up.

And then with the music box,
same thing.

If something walks directly
in front of it,

- it will make...
- (Tinkling music plays)

...a really creepy sound.

Um... amazing.

So if there is something
in here,

thank you so much
for touching the cat ball.

I really appreciate it.

Uh, if you are still here,

or if you want to make
any more of your presence known,

could you hit another cat ball, please?

(Device beeps)

Here.

(Sighs) Okay.

Hi. Who are we speaking with?

Are you here in the house
with us?

Okay.

Um...

are you stuck here?

(Beep)

You are.

Yes. I am in the house with you.

Have you been here
for a long time?

(Beep)

Beginning.

Beginning... Beginning.

Like, you've been here
since the house was built?

(Beep)

Before.

Okay.

I'm gonna give you the floor.

Um, is it a woman that's
in the room with me right now?

Is it a man?

Is it a kid?

Is it anything?

I'm trying to make a video.

(Sighs)

(Beep)

Want.

What do you want?

(Sighs)

Um... trying to remember
what I said.

(Sighs)

Can anybody come forward?

Trying to make a video here.

Somebody do something, please.

If you're not a giant pussy,
could somebody do something now?

Okay. Uh...

(Note plays on music box)

Okay. Thank you.

Sorry about that. That's great.

If you're still here,

could you please step
in front of one

of the cat balls in front of me
in 3, 2... 1?

(Sighs)

Do you want to get
out of this house?

(Beep)

Inside.

Inside.

Inside what?

Okay, I know that a woman
went missing here,

supposedly around this house
about 60 years ago.

If you are that woman,

could you please touch one
of the devices on the floor?

(Loud bang)

(Gasps)

Okay.

Do you need help getting out
of something?

Are you inside something?

Are you inside here?

(Breathing heavily)

(Loud bang)

(Gasps, breathing heavily)

(Beep)

Oh.

(Crying softly)

(Soft thud)

- (Yells)
- (Gasps)

(Running footsteps)

Kris!

(Doorknob rattles, bangs on door)

Kris!
Open the door!

Kris!

(Footsteps departing)

Jay! Jay, get up here!

Fuck.

- (Door opens)
- Hey, did you get anything?

Dude, what the fuck was that?
Why'd you scream?

What are you talking about?
I didn't--

What are you talking about?
I didn't scream.

Yes, you did, and I was knocking
on your door.

- You wouldn't let me in.
- What?

Why are you calling Jay right
now? What are you doing?

Because I can't get ahold of him.

- Where is he?
- Okay, okay, just call him.

It'll be fine.

(Line ringing)

(Ringtone plays eerie music)

Is that coming from outside?

Yeah, I think so.
He's probably just outside.

Let's just go--
Let's just go get him.

- What the fuck is going on?
- Okay?

(Door opens)

Kris, this is Jay's camera.

Jay. Jay!

Celina, shut the fuck up!

- What do you mean?
- We're on private property.

Jay is missing.

Who fucking cares?

He probably went back
to the van.

He's been moping all night and
he's wanted to quit for months.

He wouldn't leave us now.

And if he did, it's because
you have been such a bitch.

Every single stop
that we have been on,

it has been your way
or the fucking highway every time.

At least I'm not fucking useless.

You contribute fucking nothing to this.

I do everything, everything!

- Nothing?
- Yeah.

- Nothing?
- Yeah.

I don't know how
to be around you anymore.

Everyone tiptoes.

You're a fucking tyrant, Kris.

(Laughing) Okay. Okay.

What about Jay?

What about Jay?

He's gone, and we are here alone.

And the most fucked-up things

that have ever happened are happening.

What's wrong?

- What?!
- I'm fine.

- You're not fine.
- I'm fine.

You've been throwing up.
You've been laying down.

You've been dizzy.

- You have not been well.
- I'm fucking pregnant!

Okay?

What? Are you serious?

Why didn't you tell me?

Why now?

I'm gonna go lie down.

What about Jay, dude?

Get the fucking cameras, get inside

- and figure it out on your own.
- (Sighs)

Fuck.

This is shit.

- Um...
- (Camera beeps)

Okay.

This is Kris's camera.

Okay.

Oh, shit.
Hi.

What the fuck? Okay.

Let's get some cookies
and some popcorn.

Mm.

Oops. Um...

Hi.

Is that everything?

Uh, yeah. Shit.

Um, I have a question for you.

I've been doing a little research
on this town,

and apparently there's
a haunted house on Eden Road.

Do you know anything about that?

- Abandoned as far as I know.
- Okay.

And there's a girl
that went missing, like,

60 years ago or something.

Mm-hmm.

- It'll be $13.66, please.
- Oh, yeah.

- Bag?
- Yeah, that'd be great.

Awesome.

Thank you.

Congratulations.

Excuse me?

- (Bell over door rings)
- Fuck.

Okay. This is Jay's camera.

(Camera beeps)

Ain't nobody gonna see this footage.

Fuck it.
Dear diary...

I don't know what
the fuck is going on with Kris.

Out of the three fucking years
I've worked with her,

never has she been
such a fucking cunt

like how she has been.

I think it's the first time
I ever called her that word,

to be honest with you.

I don't know.

It feels like just my time has expired.

There's just other things
that I want to do.

I want to go and explore the world.

(Scoffs)

This, kids... (Static)

...boss, you know?

- (Thud)
- What the fuck?

Hello?

Hello? Celina? Is that you?

- (Thud)
- Oh, my--

(Gasps)

Oh, my God.

(Screams)

Help!

Jay?

(Door creaking)

(Insects chirping)

(Door creaking)

(Cries softly)

Help me!

Jay!

- Jay!
- (Cries out)

- Jay! Jay, can you hear--
- (Clattering)

(Insects chirping)

(Door creaks, slams shut)

Celina?

Celina?

Fuck! Fuck!

Come on.
(Breathing heavily)

Come on.

(Humming)

(Humming continues)

Celina?

(Humming continues)

(Humming stops)

(Gasping)

Celina!

Stop!

- That's mine.
- (Gasping)

Aah!

(Panting)

(Loud thud)

(Rocking chair creaking)

(Whimpers, sniffles)

- (Thud)
- (Gasps)

- (Banging)
- (Screams)

(Screaming)

(Loud thudding)

(Panting)

Fuck!

(Panting)

Fuck!

(Whimpering, panting)

(Crying)

(Screams)

(Footsteps)

(Loud scraping)

(Water lapping softly)

(Gasping)

(Coughing)

(Panting)

(Unlocks door)

(Crying softly)

(Soft growling in distance)

- (Growls)
- (Screaming)

(Whimpering, panting)

(Banging on door)

(Crying)

No.

No!

(Sobbing)

(Banging continues)

(Screams softly)

(Banging slows)

(Banging stops)

(Gasps)

(Breathing heavily)

(Crying)

No. No.

Come on. Come on. No. Come on.

- (Loud thudding)
- (Gasping)

Come on.

(Thudding continues)

(Panting)

(Thudding grows louder)

(Gasps)

Aaaaah!

(Camera clatters)

(Fire crackling,
insects chirping)

(Wind whistling)

(Door opens)

(Footsteps departing)

(Fire crackling,
insects chirping)

(Animal sounds)

(Screeches)

(Film projector clicking softly)

(Fire crackling,
insects chirping)

(Animal grunting)

(Animal howling)

(Insects chirping, animal sounds)

(Twig snaps)

(Insects chirping, animal sounds)