All language subtitles for A Christmas Story (1983) 1080p EAC3.en
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© anoXmous
@ https://thepiratebay.se/user/Zen_Bud
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Ah, there it is. My house.
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And good old Cleveland Street. How could I ever forget it?
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And there I am, with that dumb round face and...
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that stupid stocking cap.
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But no matter. Christmas was on its way.
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Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas...
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around which the entire kid year revolved.
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Downtown Hohman was prepared for its yearly bacchanalia of...
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peace on earth and good will to men.
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Higbees' corner window was traditionally a high-water mark...
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of the pre-Christmas season.
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First nighters, packed earmuff to earmuff, jostled in wonderment...
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before a golden tinkling display...
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of mechanized, electronic joy.
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Wow, there it is.
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The holy grail of Christmas gifts.
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The Red Ryder 200-shot range model...
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air rifle.
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And there he is.
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Red Ryder himself.
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In his hand was the knurled stock of as coolly deadly-looking...
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a piece of weaponry as ever I had laid eyes on.
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For weeks, I had been scheming to get my mitts on one of these...
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fearsome blue-steel beauties.
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My fevered brain seethed with the effort of trying to come up with...
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the infinitely subtle devices necessary to implant...
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the Red Ryder range model air rifle indelibly...
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into my parents' subconscious.
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Ralphie!
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Randy!
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Down here in two minutes!
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And I mean two minutes!
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Come on, Ralphie. I got here first!
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Cut it out.
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My mother, grabbing for her copy of Look magazine...
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would find herself cleverly trapped into reading a Red Ryder sales pitch.
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They traded Bullfrog. I don't believe it.
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What's that?
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Well, for Christ's sake, the Sox traded Bullfrog...
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the only player they've got, for Shottenhoffer.
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"Four Eyes" Shottenhoffer, a utility infielder.
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Got a whole goddamned team of utility infielders.
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That's nice.
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Ralphie, on the double!
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Did you hear about this guy who swallowed a yo-yo?
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Swallowed a yo-yo?
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On a bet.
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Some clodhopper down in Griffith, Indiana.
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They write the silliest things in the newspapers.
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What do you mean, silly? I mean that's real news.
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That's not like that politics slop.
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What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
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Victor. His name is Victor.
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How the hell did you know that?
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Everybody knows that.
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That's another one of your silly puzzles?
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Yeah, it's another one of our silly puzzles.
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Could be worth $50,000.
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What kind is it this time?
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Name the great characters in American literature.
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Victor? The Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
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Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint.
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It had to be firm, but subtle.
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Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store.
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They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
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I could tell that I was in imminent danger of over-playing my hand.
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Casually, I switched tactics.
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Hey, Dad!
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I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas.
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A new furnace.
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That's a good one, Dad.
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My old man was one of the most feared furnace-fighters...
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in northern Indiana.
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Hurry up, you're going to be late for school.
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Yeah. I'm running late already.
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Round one was over.
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Parents, one.
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Kids, zip.
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I could feel the Christmas noose beginning to tighten.
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Maybe what happened next was inevitable.
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Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?
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Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out.
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I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle.
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No. Shoot your eye out.
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Oh, no! It was the classic mother-BB gun block.
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"You'll shoot your eye out."
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That deadly phrase uttered many times before by hundreds...
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of mothers was not surmountable...
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by any means known to kid-dom.
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But such was my mania, my desire for a Red Ryder carbine...
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that I immediately began to rebuild the dike.
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I was just kidding. Even though Flick is getting one.
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I'd just like some Tinkertoys.
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I couldn't believe my own ears. Tinkertoys?
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She'd never buy it.
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BB guns are dangerous.
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I don't want anyone shooting his eye out.
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Randy, will you eat? There are starving people in China.
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Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders...
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burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen...
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where only you, and you alone, stand between your tiny...
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huddled family and insensate evil.
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Save us, Ralphie! I just knew those bad guys...
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would be coming for us in the end!
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Don't worry, Dad. As long as I got OI' Blue...
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What've we got here, folks?
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Well, we figure it's Black Bart, Ralph.
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Well, just me and my trusty old...
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Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle.
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Lucky I've got a compass in the stock.
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Well, I think I better have a look here.
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Oh, no!
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It's OI' Blue!
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Oh, no!
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Cheese it, boys!
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There's another one! He's a dead-eye, ain't he?
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Okay, Ralphie!
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You win this time, but we'll be back!
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Adi¨®s, Bart.
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But if you do come back, you'll be pushing up daisies!
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And don't you forget it!
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Well, son, you saved us!
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We were goners for sure! And you saved us!
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Oldsmobile!
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A pile of junk!
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That goddamned Olds is froze up again!
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Some men are Baptists, others Catholics. My father was an Oldsmobile man.
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That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the Equator!
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Little pitchers...
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Hold it!
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It's a clinker!
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That blasted, stupid furnace.
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Dadgummit!
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Damn skates!
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For Christ's sake, open up the damper, will you?
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Who the hell turned it all the way down again?
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Blasted!
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In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity...
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that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.
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Preparing to go to school was like getting ready...
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for extended deep-sea diving.
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Come on, Mom, we're going to be late!
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Just wait, Ralph!
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My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop.
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What?
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What is it?
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What is it?
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What is it?
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I can't put my arms down!
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Well, put your arms down when you get to school.
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Hey, Flick! Wait up.
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Wait up!
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So what are you doing?
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What does it look like I'm doing? Picking goobers?
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Hey, listen, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking...
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your tongue to metal light poles in winter...
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and he says it will freeze right to the pole just like I told you.
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Baloney.
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What would your old man know about anything?
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He knows because he once saw a guy stick his tongue...
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to a railroad track on a bet and the fire department had to come...
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to get the guy's tongue off the track because he couldn't get it off.
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Come on, guys, wait up!
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Come on, guys!
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Come on, guys, wait up!
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I can't get up!
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I can't get up!
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Help!
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I can't get out! Help me!
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Come on, Flick, wait up for me.
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I can't get up!
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Come on.
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Get up. Sit up. Come on.
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You're okay. Come on, let's go.
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Come on, you're all right!
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Miss Shields!
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All right, everyone...
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take your seats, please.
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Good morning, class.
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Good morning, Miss Shields.
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Open your books to Page 32.
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And as you'll remember, Silas Marner...
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You're full of beans and so's your old man.
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Says who?
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Says me.
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Well, I double-dare you.
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The exact exchange and nuance...
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of phrase in this ritual is very important.
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Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole?
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That's dumb.
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That's 'cause you know it will stick!
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You're full of it.
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Well, I double dog-dare you!
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Now it was serious. A double dog-dare.
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What else was left but a "triple-dare you"?
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And finally, the coup de grace of all dares...
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the sinister triple dog-dare!
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I triple dog-dare you!
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Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette...
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by skipping the triple-dare and going right for the throat.
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All right, all right.
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Go on, smart ass, and do it!
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I'm going!
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Flick's spine stiffened, his lips curled in a defiant sneer.
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There was no going back now.
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This is nothing.
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Stuck? Stuck!
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Stuck! Stuck!
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Jeez!
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It really works!
212
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Look at him!
213
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Ralphie, come back!
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Come back! Don't leave me! Come back!
215
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But the bell rang!
216
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What are we going to do?
217
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I don't know! The bell rang!
218
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Where's Flick?
219
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Has anyone seen Flick?
220
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Flick? Flick who?
221
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He was at recess, wasn't he?
222
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Ralphie, do you know where Flick is?
223
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I said has anyone seen Flick?
224
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Yes, Esther Jane?
225
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Oh, my God!
226
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Holy cow, it's the fire department!
227
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Wow, it's the cops!
228
00:20:12,725 --> 00:20:16,752
Now, I know that some of you put Flick up to this.
229
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But, he has refused to say who.
230
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But those who did it know their blame.
231
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And I'm sure the guilt you feel...
232
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is far worse than any punishment you might receive.
233
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Now, don't you feel terrible?
234
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Don't you feel remorse for what you have done?
235
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That's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.
236
00:20:55,268 --> 00:20:58,726
Adults love to say things like that. But kids know better.
237
00:20:58,805 --> 00:21:02,639
We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
238
00:21:02,742 --> 00:21:06,007
Now, boys and girls, I'm going to give you an assignment.
239
00:21:07,214 --> 00:21:08,909
I want you to write...
240
00:21:09,984 --> 00:21:11,178
a theme.
241
00:21:14,789 --> 00:21:17,087
"What I want for Christmas."
242
00:21:18,459 --> 00:21:19,949
The clouds lifted.
243
00:21:20,494 --> 00:21:22,894
And I want it handed in tomorrow morning...
244
00:21:22,963 --> 00:21:26,057
I saw a faint gleam of light at the other end of...
245
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:27,998
the black cave of doom.
246
00:21:28,068 --> 00:21:32,095
I knew that when Miss Shields read my magnificent, eloquent theme...
247
00:21:32,173 --> 00:21:34,971
that she would sympathize with my plight...
248
00:21:35,042 --> 00:21:38,239
and everything would work out, somehow.
249
00:21:53,595 --> 00:21:56,063
Boy, did you see how it stuck?
250
00:21:56,631 --> 00:21:58,062
Did it hurt, Flick?
251
00:21:58,062 --> 00:21:59,862
No. I never felt a thing.
252
00:21:59,935 --> 00:22:01,362
It just caught me off-guard.
253
00:22:01,436 --> 00:22:02,864
You sure were bawling.
254
00:22:02,864 --> 00:22:04,264
I never bawled!
255
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:05,873
Baloney.
256
00:22:19,021 --> 00:22:20,579
Scut Farkus!
257
00:22:21,190 --> 00:22:24,785
Scut Farkus! What a rotten name. We were trapped.
258
00:22:24,861 --> 00:22:27,762
There he stood, between us and the alley.
259
00:22:27,830 --> 00:22:30,890
Scut Farkus, staring out at us with his yellow eyes.
260
00:22:31,234 --> 00:22:34,465
He had yellow eyes! So help me God, yellow eyes.
261
00:22:49,987 --> 00:22:52,683
Grover Dill, Farkus' crummy little toady.
262
00:22:52,756 --> 00:22:54,246
Mean. Rotten.
263
00:22:54,324 --> 00:22:56,724
His lips curled over his green teeth.
264
00:22:57,327 --> 00:22:59,227
Randy lay there like a slug.
265
00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:01,355
It was his only defense.
266
00:23:06,203 --> 00:23:07,330
Say "uncle."
267
00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:08,330
Uncle!
268
00:23:16,013 --> 00:23:17,207
Louder!
269
00:23:19,082 --> 00:23:22,051
In our world, you were either a bully, a toady...
270
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,782
or one of the nameless rabble of victims.
271
00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:26,049
All right.
272
00:23:26,257 --> 00:23:27,815
Who's next?
273
00:23:51,249 --> 00:23:54,980
In the jungles of kid-dom, the mind switches gears rapidly.
274
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,880
Weeks ago I had sent away for my Little Orphan Annie...
275
00:23:57,957 --> 00:23:59,982
secret society decoder pen.
276
00:24:00,326 --> 00:24:02,226
Oh, skunked again.
277
00:24:02,294 --> 00:24:04,922
No matter. Today I had serious work to do.
278
00:24:05,598 --> 00:24:07,725
"What I want for Christmas."
279
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,928
"What I want is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock...
280
00:24:11,003 --> 00:24:12,868
"and this thing which tells time."
281
00:24:13,038 --> 00:24:14,437
Wow, that's great.
282
00:24:14,506 --> 00:24:17,532
"I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun.
283
00:24:17,643 --> 00:24:19,508
"They're very good for Christmas.
284
00:24:20,112 --> 00:24:23,639
"I don't think that a football's a very good Christmas present."
285
00:24:24,450 --> 00:24:27,942
Oh, rarely had the words poured from my penny pencil...
286
00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:29,817
with such feverish fluidity.
287
00:24:35,195 --> 00:24:36,787
I've won! I've won!
288
00:24:48,008 --> 00:24:49,236
The Bumpus hounds.
289
00:24:50,543 --> 00:24:53,205
Our hillbilly neighbors, the Bumpuses, had at least...
290
00:24:53,279 --> 00:24:55,144
785 smelly hound dogs.
291
00:24:55,749 --> 00:24:59,515
And they ignored every other human being on earth but my old man.
292
00:25:02,489 --> 00:25:03,786
I won!
293
00:25:05,026 --> 00:25:06,186
I won!
294
00:25:07,828 --> 00:25:08,528
What?
295
00:25:08,528 --> 00:25:09,455
A major prize!
296
00:25:09,530 --> 00:25:10,690
I won!
297
00:25:11,499 --> 00:25:14,525
Hey, look at that. Look at that. A Western Union telegram.
298
00:25:14,602 --> 00:25:17,799
Tonight, he's coming tonight. Tonight. Hot damn, tonight!
299
00:25:17,872 --> 00:25:19,533
What does this mean here?
300
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,403
It means it's coming tonight!
301
00:25:21,475 --> 00:25:23,409
I called Ernie McClosky at the freight depot.
302
00:25:23,477 --> 00:25:26,310
He said the telegram was late, the prize was already there...
303
00:25:26,380 --> 00:25:28,575
he was going to send it on tonight.
304
00:25:28,716 --> 00:25:32,083
Come on. Have a chew, fellas, on me. It's my gift.
305
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:37,454
You know, maybe it'll be one of those Spanish adobe houses down in Coral...
306
00:25:41,763 --> 00:25:44,197
Serves you right, you smelly buggers.
307
00:25:44,299 --> 00:25:46,460
Or it could be a bowling alley.
308
00:25:47,035 --> 00:25:49,230
A guy down in Terre Haute won a bowling alley.
309
00:25:49,371 --> 00:25:52,101
How are they going to deliver a bowling alley here tonight?
310
00:25:52,574 --> 00:25:55,941
They could send the deed, for cripesake. I mean...
311
00:25:56,211 --> 00:25:59,578
I didn't expect they were going to send the whole damn bowling alley.
312
00:25:59,648 --> 00:26:02,481
Yeah, well. How about eating? I'm starving to death.
313
00:26:02,751 --> 00:26:05,481
Getting rich is hard work, kid. Come on.
314
00:26:13,361 --> 00:26:15,556
Every family has a kid who won't eat.
315
00:26:15,898 --> 00:26:19,959
My kid brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
316
00:26:21,771 --> 00:26:25,172
Oh, Randy, don't play with your food, eat it!
317
00:26:28,077 --> 00:26:30,409
Starving people would be happy to have that.
318
00:26:30,780 --> 00:26:32,509
Can I have some more red cabbage?
319
00:26:39,455 --> 00:26:42,652
Stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about.
320
00:26:43,092 --> 00:26:46,255
You better stop fooling around with it and eat it or you'll be sorry.
321
00:26:51,635 --> 00:26:53,000
Can I please have some more?
322
00:26:53,070 --> 00:26:56,597
My mother had not had a hot meal for herself in 15 years.
323
00:26:58,776 --> 00:27:01,802
Meatloaf, double beetloaf.
324
00:27:02,412 --> 00:27:04,004
I hate meatloaf.
325
00:27:05,282 --> 00:27:07,773
All right. I'll get that kid to eat.
326
00:27:08,185 --> 00:27:09,948
Where's my screwdriver and plumber's helper?
327
00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:12,386
I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.
328
00:27:12,656 --> 00:27:14,715
My mother was more subtle.
329
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:17,523
How do the little piggies go?
330
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:20,662
That's right. Oink, oink.
331
00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:24,063
Now, show me how the piggies eat. This is your trough.
332
00:27:24,269 --> 00:27:27,136
Show me how the piggies eat.
333
00:27:27,539 --> 00:27:30,372
Be a good boy. Show Mommy how the piggies eat.
334
00:27:59,138 --> 00:28:00,366
Oh, my.
335
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,808
Mommy's little piggy.
336
00:28:23,195 --> 00:28:24,560
It's here.
337
00:28:32,272 --> 00:28:33,068
Are you Parker?
338
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:34,733
All right, sign here.
339
00:28:34,733 --> 00:28:35,733
Yeah. Well, what is it?
340
00:28:35,876 --> 00:28:37,070
I don't know.
341
00:28:37,244 --> 00:28:38,802
What's in it?
342
00:28:38,879 --> 00:28:40,744
Here. Bring it in.
343
00:28:40,814 --> 00:28:43,214
Okay, boys. Haul that on in here. Move your tails.
344
00:28:43,283 --> 00:28:46,775
Bring it right on in. Right here. Bring it ahead. Straight ahead.
345
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:47,978
That's right.
346
00:28:49,155 --> 00:28:50,247
Right.
347
00:28:50,323 --> 00:28:53,121
Here, bring it right in, fellas. That's it. Here we go.
348
00:28:53,226 --> 00:28:55,319
A little more. Little more.
349
00:28:55,395 --> 00:28:56,419
That's it.
350
00:28:59,199 --> 00:29:00,894
Watch the lady.
351
00:29:09,610 --> 00:29:11,305
Thanks a lot, guys.
352
00:29:11,379 --> 00:29:12,710
Merry Christmas.
353
00:29:12,780 --> 00:29:15,681
Get the crowbar and a hammer, Ralphie. Go on.
354
00:29:17,251 --> 00:29:19,276
"Fra-gi-ley."
355
00:29:19,453 --> 00:29:21,120
That must be Italian.
356
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,820
I think that says "fragile."
357
00:29:23,057 --> 00:29:24,649
Oh, yeah.
358
00:29:25,993 --> 00:29:27,426
Here we go.
359
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,430
They did a job on this, you know?
360
00:29:41,710 --> 00:29:44,008
No, here, Ralph, hold this.
361
00:29:50,419 --> 00:29:53,479
There could be anything in there!
362
00:29:53,555 --> 00:29:54,715
Jesus!
363
00:29:57,726 --> 00:29:59,057
Maybe they forgot.
364
00:29:59,294 --> 00:30:02,127
It's in there. It's gotta be in there.
365
00:30:08,904 --> 00:30:10,170
Would you look at that?
366
00:30:10,170 --> 00:30:11,270
What?
367
00:30:11,373 --> 00:30:13,705
Would you look at that?
368
00:30:16,312 --> 00:30:17,802
What is it?
369
00:30:18,548 --> 00:30:19,913
It's a leg!
370
00:30:20,383 --> 00:30:21,509
But what is it?
371
00:30:21,884 --> 00:30:23,852
Well, it's a leg.
372
00:30:24,187 --> 00:30:25,586
You know, like in a statue.
373
00:30:26,155 --> 00:30:27,146
Statue?
374
00:30:27,146 --> 00:30:28,146
Yeah, statue!
375
00:30:28,825 --> 00:30:30,486
Yeah, statue!
376
00:30:30,727 --> 00:30:32,217
Ralphie!
377
00:30:32,662 --> 00:30:36,598
My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue.
378
00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:38,858
Holy smoke, would you...
379
00:30:38,935 --> 00:30:40,903
Do you know what this is?
380
00:30:40,970 --> 00:30:43,438
This is a lamp.
381
00:30:44,540 --> 00:30:46,337
It was indeed a lamp.
382
00:30:46,409 --> 00:30:49,276
Isn't that great? What a great lamp!
383
00:30:50,347 --> 00:30:52,144
I don't know.
384
00:30:53,083 --> 00:30:55,677
Here, hold it. Hold it. Here, go on.
385
00:30:56,086 --> 00:30:58,452
The old man's eyes boggled...
386
00:30:59,656 --> 00:31:01,180
overcome by art.
387
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:03,225
I know just the place for it.
388
00:31:03,293 --> 00:31:06,285
Right in the middle of our front room window!
389
00:31:25,116 --> 00:31:26,947
Jesus, God.
390
00:31:30,989 --> 00:31:31,889
Honey?
391
00:31:31,889 --> 00:31:33,219
No. It's all right.
392
00:31:35,093 --> 00:31:36,560
Let's see...
393
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:41,298
This goes to the radio and this goes to the...
394
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,891
Well, it's just one too many.
395
00:31:48,873 --> 00:31:49,862
Well, let's see.
396
00:31:49,941 --> 00:31:53,172
The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone...
397
00:31:53,244 --> 00:31:56,702
and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory.
398
00:31:56,948 --> 00:31:59,439
Look at that! Will you look at that?
399
00:31:59,618 --> 00:32:01,813
Isn't that glorious?
400
00:32:03,289 --> 00:32:07,350
It's indescribably beautiful. It reminds me of the Fourth of July!
401
00:32:08,194 --> 00:32:09,161
Turn off all the lights.
402
00:32:09,228 --> 00:32:11,162
I wanna see what it looks like from the street.
403
00:32:11,230 --> 00:32:12,628
I'll go get the dining room.
404
00:32:12,628 --> 00:32:14,028
Couldn't we talk this over?
405
00:32:34,654 --> 00:32:37,919
Move it a little bit to the right. A little that way.
406
00:32:38,692 --> 00:32:42,219
Just a little... More to the right.
407
00:32:43,296 --> 00:32:45,287
Yeah. More. That's it. No, stop!
408
00:32:45,432 --> 00:32:47,662
Right there. That's wonderful.
409
00:32:47,868 --> 00:32:49,426
Parker, what is that?
410
00:32:49,503 --> 00:32:51,403
Don't bother me now. Can't you see I'm busy?
411
00:32:51,571 --> 00:32:53,067
Yeah, but what is that?
412
00:32:53,067 --> 00:32:54,267
It's a major award.
413
00:32:55,342 --> 00:32:56,673
A major award?
414
00:32:57,711 --> 00:33:00,271
Shucks, I wouldn't have known that. It looks like a lamp.
415
00:33:00,347 --> 00:33:03,748
It is a lamp, you nincompoop. But it's a major award.
416
00:33:03,817 --> 00:33:05,079
I won it.
417
00:33:05,285 --> 00:33:07,149
Damn, hell, you say you won it?
418
00:33:07,149 --> 00:33:08,049
Yeah.
419
00:33:08,222 --> 00:33:10,884
Mind power, Sweed, mind power.
420
00:33:11,425 --> 00:33:13,723
The entire neighborhood was turned on.
421
00:33:13,828 --> 00:33:16,695
You should see what it looks like from out here!
422
00:33:16,864 --> 00:33:19,833
It could be seen up and down Cleveland Street.
423
00:33:19,901 --> 00:33:21,869
The symbol of the old man's victory.
424
00:33:22,003 --> 00:33:24,164
Yeah, he won that. It's a major award.
425
00:33:24,238 --> 00:33:27,730
Isn't it about time for somebody's favorite radio program?
426
00:33:29,410 --> 00:33:31,742
Holy smokes, it was 6:45.
427
00:33:31,879 --> 00:33:34,040
Only one thing that could've dragged me away...
428
00:33:34,115 --> 00:33:38,108
from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
429
00:33:50,532 --> 00:33:52,830
Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie time.
430
00:33:52,901 --> 00:33:55,563
Brought to you by rich, chocolaty Ovaltine.
431
00:33:56,205 --> 00:33:57,502
I could still taste it.
432
00:33:59,241 --> 00:34:01,038
Hey, you turned the light off!
433
00:34:17,727 --> 00:34:21,163
I knew I was handing Miss Shields a masterpiece.
434
00:34:21,531 --> 00:34:24,932
Maybe Miss Shields, in her ecstasy, would excuse me from theme writing...
435
00:34:25,001 --> 00:34:27,561
for the rest of my natural life.
436
00:34:35,311 --> 00:34:37,040
You call this a paragraph?
437
00:34:37,447 --> 00:34:41,611
Margins! Margins! "F"!
438
00:34:42,552 --> 00:34:45,350
My life's work down the drain.
439
00:34:46,289 --> 00:34:48,154
A semicolon, you dolt!
440
00:34:48,224 --> 00:34:49,316
A period.
441
00:34:49,626 --> 00:34:50,388
"F"!
442
00:34:50,526 --> 00:34:54,929
Oh, I should weep if I have to read one more "F"!
443
00:34:56,567 --> 00:34:58,125
Ralphie Parker.
444
00:35:13,784 --> 00:35:16,412
The theme I've been waiting for all my life.
445
00:35:16,887 --> 00:35:18,445
Listen to this sentence.
446
00:35:18,856 --> 00:35:23,225
"A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock...
447
00:35:24,495 --> 00:35:27,191
"and this thing which tells time."
448
00:35:29,301 --> 00:35:30,495
Poetry.
449
00:35:30,568 --> 00:35:32,035
Sheer poetry.
450
00:35:32,404 --> 00:35:35,601
Ralph, an "A+."
451
00:35:36,074 --> 00:35:37,632
My Ralph!
452
00:35:37,909 --> 00:35:40,878
Oh, Ralphie, you've made me proud.
453
00:35:42,814 --> 00:35:44,213
"A+"!
454
00:36:22,621 --> 00:36:24,145
Is there something you want, Ralph?
455
00:36:24,824 --> 00:36:27,452
I'm just turning in my theme.
456
00:36:29,595 --> 00:36:31,290
Well, you can take your seat now.
457
00:36:34,333 --> 00:36:35,527
Take your seat.
458
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:55,649
Come on, you guys.
459
00:37:01,461 --> 00:37:03,361
Get in the car. Get in the car.
460
00:37:04,231 --> 00:37:07,428
If we don't hurry we're going to miss all the good trees!
461
00:37:10,004 --> 00:37:13,064
My mother was about to make another brilliant maneuver...
462
00:37:13,207 --> 00:37:16,142
in the legendary battle of the lamp.
463
00:37:16,277 --> 00:37:21,112
The epic struggle which followed lives in the folklore of Cleveland Street...
464
00:37:21,215 --> 00:37:22,512
to this very day.
465
00:37:22,617 --> 00:37:25,381
Don't want to waste electricity.
466
00:37:25,586 --> 00:37:27,315
"Don't want to waste electricity."
467
00:37:27,555 --> 00:37:30,115
Come on, Ralphie. Get in the car.
468
00:37:35,797 --> 00:37:37,822
You folks looking for a tree? We got 300 trees.
469
00:37:37,899 --> 00:37:41,164
This is the Christmas tree emporium of the entire Midwest.
470
00:37:41,235 --> 00:37:44,762
Now, you ain't gonna find no better tree than this here tree.
471
00:37:45,174 --> 00:37:47,233
This here tree is built to last.
472
00:37:47,342 --> 00:37:49,139
Ain't no needles coming off this here tree.
473
00:37:52,347 --> 00:37:54,542
Okay. Now here's a tree.
474
00:37:54,616 --> 00:37:56,481
This here is a tree.
475
00:37:56,585 --> 00:37:59,054
That's a little skimpy in the front.
476
00:37:59,054 --> 00:38:00,954
Well, you just put it in the corner.
477
00:38:01,123 --> 00:38:02,752
Haven't you got a big tree?
478
00:38:02,752 --> 00:38:04,752
Hell, this ain't no tree.
479
00:38:05,294 --> 00:38:07,694
Now here's a tree. This here is a tree.
480
00:38:09,331 --> 00:38:11,131
Wait'll the dogs see that one.
481
00:38:11,131 --> 00:38:12,960
Don't you think it's a little large?
482
00:38:13,035 --> 00:38:16,334
Listen, Christmas only comes once a year. Why not?
483
00:38:16,738 --> 00:38:17,503
How much?
484
00:38:17,503 --> 00:38:18,603
I'll knock off $2...
485
00:38:18,707 --> 00:38:20,800
because I can see you're a man who knows his trees.
486
00:38:20,910 --> 00:38:24,277
This isn't one of those trees that all the needles falls off, is it?
487
00:38:24,380 --> 00:38:26,075
No, that's them balsams.
488
00:38:26,182 --> 00:38:28,878
The old man loved bargaining as much as an Arab trader...
489
00:38:28,952 --> 00:38:30,681
and he was twice as shrewd.
490
00:38:30,753 --> 00:38:33,153
You know, Dew Lock just bought one of those brand new...
491
00:38:33,256 --> 00:38:35,451
green plastic trees.
492
00:38:36,926 --> 00:38:39,087
Darn thing looks like it was made out of...
493
00:38:39,729 --> 00:38:41,629
green pipe cleaners.
494
00:38:42,265 --> 00:38:44,358
This is a very nice tree.
495
00:38:44,534 --> 00:38:46,968
I'll throw in some rope and tie it to your car for you.
496
00:38:47,036 --> 00:38:48,503
You got a deal.
497
00:38:48,705 --> 00:38:49,535
Deal.
498
00:39:09,426 --> 00:39:11,121
Damn it. Blow out!
499
00:39:19,570 --> 00:39:21,128
Not again.
500
00:39:22,339 --> 00:39:23,772
Four minutes!
501
00:39:23,841 --> 00:39:25,365
Time me.
502
00:39:26,510 --> 00:39:28,341
Actually, my old man loved it.
503
00:39:28,446 --> 00:39:31,745
He always saw himself in the pits at the Indianapolis Speedway...
504
00:39:31,850 --> 00:39:32,839
in the 500.
505
00:39:37,889 --> 00:39:40,824
My old man's spare tires were actually only tires...
506
00:39:40,892 --> 00:39:42,086
in the academic sense.
507
00:39:42,294 --> 00:39:44,854
They were round. They had once been made of rubber.
508
00:39:49,301 --> 00:39:52,395
Ralphie, why don't you go help your father?
509
00:39:52,837 --> 00:39:53,637
Really? Can I?
510
00:39:53,637 --> 00:39:54,464
Yes.
511
00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:56,141
Watch the traffic, there.
512
00:39:56,141 --> 00:39:56,941
Okay.
513
00:39:57,776 --> 00:40:00,301
It was the first time that it had been suggested that...
514
00:40:00,378 --> 00:40:02,744
I go help my father with anything.
515
00:40:06,953 --> 00:40:08,749
What are you doing here?
516
00:40:08,749 --> 00:40:09,649
Mom says I should help.
517
00:40:11,290 --> 00:40:13,850
Okay, sit down here. Squat down.
518
00:40:14,727 --> 00:40:16,024
Yeah, that's it.
519
00:40:16,228 --> 00:40:18,025
Here. Hold this.
520
00:40:21,701 --> 00:40:25,193
No, not that way. Come on, rat trap, hold it like this.
521
00:40:25,271 --> 00:40:25,703
How?
522
00:40:25,703 --> 00:40:26,203
Like this.
523
00:40:26,272 --> 00:40:28,172
I want to put the nuts in it. There we are.
524
00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:31,232
There's four of them. And we got it!
525
00:40:33,679 --> 00:40:35,078
There it is.
526
00:40:35,314 --> 00:40:38,511
That son of a gun. I'm gonna get that dirty...
527
00:40:38,919 --> 00:40:39,749
There we go.
528
00:40:40,988 --> 00:40:43,320
For one brief moment I saw all the bolts silhouetted...
529
00:40:43,390 --> 00:40:45,915
against the lights of the traffic. And then they were gone.
530
00:40:50,731 --> 00:40:52,790
Oh, fudge!
531
00:40:53,500 --> 00:40:55,400
Only I didn't say "fudge."
532
00:40:55,502 --> 00:40:57,333
I said the word.
533
00:40:57,537 --> 00:41:00,768
The big one. The queen mother of dirty words.
534
00:41:01,108 --> 00:41:03,508
The "f, dash, dash, dash" word.
535
00:41:03,577 --> 00:41:05,477
What did you say?
536
00:41:08,415 --> 00:41:11,111
That's what I thought you said.
537
00:41:13,588 --> 00:41:15,385
Get in the car.
538
00:41:18,292 --> 00:41:19,316
Go on.
539
00:41:19,394 --> 00:41:21,658
It was all over. I was dead.
540
00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:24,524
What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging?
541
00:41:24,599 --> 00:41:27,500
The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture?
542
00:41:28,002 --> 00:41:31,995
Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.
543
00:41:34,842 --> 00:41:37,106
Everything go all right?
544
00:41:51,827 --> 00:41:53,522
Eight minutes.
545
00:41:55,831 --> 00:41:58,164
Do you know what your son just said?
546
00:41:58,164 --> 00:41:59,164
No. What?
547
00:41:59,902 --> 00:42:02,200
I'll tell you what he said. Randy!
548
00:42:05,874 --> 00:42:06,602
Ralphie!
549
00:42:08,711 --> 00:42:11,612
Over the years, I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap.
550
00:42:11,714 --> 00:42:15,912
My personal preference is for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice...
551
00:42:16,085 --> 00:42:18,178
piquant, after-dinner flavor.
552
00:42:18,253 --> 00:42:21,780
Heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness.
553
00:42:25,195 --> 00:42:27,595
Lifebuoy, on the other hand...
554
00:42:29,599 --> 00:42:31,464
You ready to tell me?
555
00:42:36,172 --> 00:42:38,732
All right. Where did you hear that word?
556
00:42:38,908 --> 00:42:42,810
Now I had heard that word at least 10 times a day from my old man.
557
00:42:42,979 --> 00:42:45,277
My father worked in profanity the way...
558
00:42:45,381 --> 00:42:47,815
other artists might work in oils or clay.
559
00:42:47,917 --> 00:42:50,613
It was his true medium. A master.
560
00:42:50,687 --> 00:42:53,087
But I chickened out. And I blurted out...
561
00:42:53,256 --> 00:42:55,224
the first name that came to mind.
562
00:42:55,292 --> 00:42:56,554
Schwartz!
563
00:42:58,262 --> 00:42:59,854
I see.
564
00:43:11,242 --> 00:43:14,109
Hello, Mrs. Schwartz? Yes, I'm fine.
565
00:43:14,645 --> 00:43:18,103
Mrs. Schwartz, do you know what Ralph just said?
566
00:43:19,917 --> 00:43:20,884
No.
567
00:43:21,152 --> 00:43:22,676
He said...
568
00:43:24,655 --> 00:43:26,179
Not that!
569
00:43:26,390 --> 00:43:27,652
Yes, that.
570
00:43:27,792 --> 00:43:29,261
Do you know where he heard it?
571
00:43:29,261 --> 00:43:30,861
Probably from his father.
572
00:43:30,862 --> 00:43:33,353
No! He heard it from your son!
573
00:43:33,431 --> 00:43:34,420
What?
574
00:43:42,507 --> 00:43:43,769
What'd I do, Mom?
575
00:43:44,543 --> 00:43:46,511
Why? I didn't do nothing!
576
00:43:51,550 --> 00:43:55,213
Another shot of mysterious, inexorable, official justice.
577
00:43:55,787 --> 00:44:00,554
Rinse out and go to bed. Am I glad you finished your homework!
578
00:44:00,725 --> 00:44:03,660
Get right into bed, and I don't want to see any lights on.
579
00:44:03,728 --> 00:44:06,697
You are being punished, so no comic book reading!
580
00:44:06,799 --> 00:44:08,790
I'll come in, and if any lights are on...
581
00:44:08,901 --> 00:44:11,802
Don't you give me that look! You're gonna get it!
582
00:44:33,559 --> 00:44:36,323
Three blocks away, Schwartz was getting his.
583
00:44:37,964 --> 00:44:40,364
There has never been a kid who didn't believe...
584
00:44:40,567 --> 00:44:44,435
vaguely but insistently, that he would be stricken blind...
585
00:44:44,605 --> 00:44:48,405
before he reached 21. And then they'd be sorry.
586
00:44:59,186 --> 00:45:00,983
Why, it's Ralph!
587
00:45:01,855 --> 00:45:05,086
Well, come on in, Ralph. Where've you been?
588
00:45:10,097 --> 00:45:11,428
Why, he's carrying a cane!
589
00:45:11,498 --> 00:45:12,988
What is it, Ralph? What happened?
590
00:45:13,067 --> 00:45:14,932
Why, he's blind!
591
00:45:15,003 --> 00:45:16,834
Blind? Oh, my God!
592
00:45:19,974 --> 00:45:21,635
Ralph, is it something we did?
593
00:45:21,743 --> 00:45:24,576
What brought you to this lonely state?
594
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,815
Ralph, please tell us no matter how it hurts. What did we do?
595
00:45:29,684 --> 00:45:31,447
Look, I can't.
596
00:45:31,519 --> 00:45:33,419
Please, Ralph. I must know what we did.
597
00:45:33,655 --> 00:45:35,555
What brought you to this?
598
00:45:45,066 --> 00:45:47,227
Soap poisoning.
599
00:45:54,243 --> 00:45:56,438
Oh, how could we do it?
600
00:45:57,112 --> 00:46:00,172
I'll manage to get along, somehow.
601
00:46:01,150 --> 00:46:02,584
I'll never forgive myself.
602
00:46:02,584 --> 00:46:03,584
Thanks, Mom.
603
00:46:03,752 --> 00:46:06,346
I told you not to use Lifebuoy.
604
00:46:07,423 --> 00:46:09,220
I feel awful!
605
00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:35,114
Thank you, Heather.
606
00:46:35,185 --> 00:46:36,082
Merry Christmas.
607
00:46:36,082 --> 00:46:36,982
Merry Christmas.
608
00:46:37,787 --> 00:46:38,583
Thank you, Flick.
609
00:46:39,255 --> 00:46:40,779
Merry Christmas, Miss Shields.
610
00:47:05,850 --> 00:47:08,876
I just thought that you'd be getting tired of the same old stuff.
611
00:47:08,986 --> 00:47:12,251
Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts.
612
00:47:12,790 --> 00:47:14,849
Well, thank you very much, Ralph.
613
00:47:20,297 --> 00:47:22,094
Merry Christmas.
614
00:47:24,835 --> 00:47:26,097
Happy New Year.
615
00:47:28,939 --> 00:47:30,998
You can take your seat now, Ralph.
616
00:47:54,599 --> 00:47:57,659
The weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine, in order to get...
617
00:47:57,769 --> 00:48:01,205
the Ovaltine inner seal to send off for my Little Orphan Annie...
618
00:48:01,273 --> 00:48:04,800
secret decoder pen, was about to pay off.
619
00:48:05,577 --> 00:48:08,273
I got it. "Master Ralph Parker."
620
00:48:08,347 --> 00:48:10,076
My decoder pen!
621
00:48:14,454 --> 00:48:15,921
All right!
622
00:48:21,227 --> 00:48:24,060
"Be it known to all that Ralph Parker is hereby appointed...
623
00:48:24,130 --> 00:48:26,894
"a member of the Little Orphan Annie secret circle and...
624
00:48:26,966 --> 00:48:29,867
"is entitled to all the honors and benefits occurring thereto."
625
00:48:30,403 --> 00:48:32,530
Signed, Little Orphan Annie.
626
00:48:32,772 --> 00:48:35,138
Countersigned, Pierre Andre!
627
00:48:35,508 --> 00:48:36,805
In ink!
628
00:48:36,976 --> 00:48:40,537
Honors and benefits. Already at the age of nine.
629
00:48:46,386 --> 00:48:47,717
Come on. Let's get on with it.
630
00:48:47,788 --> 00:48:50,757
I don't need all that jazz about smugglers and pirates.
631
00:48:51,792 --> 00:48:54,352
Listen tomorrow night for the concluding adventure of...
632
00:48:54,461 --> 00:48:57,453
The Black Pirate Ship. Now it's time...
633
00:48:57,598 --> 00:49:01,659
for Annie's secret message for you members of the secret circle.
634
00:49:02,436 --> 00:49:04,529
Remember, kids, only members of...
635
00:49:04,605 --> 00:49:08,666
Annie's secret circle can decode Annie's secret message.
636
00:49:08,876 --> 00:49:11,970
Remember, Annie is depending on you.
637
00:49:12,913 --> 00:49:15,074
Set your pins to B-2.
638
00:49:15,450 --> 00:49:17,577
Here is the message.
639
00:49:17,852 --> 00:49:19,217
12. 11. 2...
640
00:49:19,287 --> 00:49:21,755
I am in my first secret meeting.
641
00:49:21,823 --> 00:49:24,587
25. 14. 11. 18.
642
00:49:25,660 --> 00:49:26,422
16. 23...
643
00:49:26,494 --> 00:49:28,189
Pierre was in great voice tonight.
644
00:49:28,263 --> 00:49:32,029
I could tell that tonight's message was really important.
645
00:49:32,433 --> 00:49:33,491
3. 25.
646
00:49:33,601 --> 00:49:37,765
That's a message from Annie herself. Remember, don't tell anyone.
647
00:49:41,576 --> 00:49:44,545
Ninety seconds later I'm in the only room in the house...
648
00:49:44,612 --> 00:49:47,911
where a boy of nine can sit in privacy and decode.
649
00:49:50,419 --> 00:49:52,979
Ah! "B." I went to the next.
650
00:49:53,989 --> 00:49:56,617
"E." The first word is "be"!
651
00:49:57,092 --> 00:50:00,186
"S." It was coming easier now. "U."
652
00:50:01,997 --> 00:50:04,591
Come on, Ralphie! I gotta go.
653
00:50:05,267 --> 00:50:06,996
I'll be right down, Ma.
654
00:50:07,102 --> 00:50:08,501
Gee whiz.
655
00:50:11,006 --> 00:50:13,099
"T. O."
656
00:50:14,143 --> 00:50:16,543
"Be sure to." Be sure to what?
657
00:50:16,645 --> 00:50:19,375
What was Little Orphan Annie trying to say? Be sure to what?
658
00:50:19,582 --> 00:50:22,574
Ralphie! Randy has got to go! Will you please come out?
659
00:50:22,651 --> 00:50:25,381
All right, Ma! I'll be right out!
660
00:50:25,755 --> 00:50:27,222
I was getting closer now.
661
00:50:27,324 --> 00:50:30,293
The tension was terrible. What was it?
662
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,590
The fate of the planet may hang in the balance.
663
00:50:33,129 --> 00:50:35,188
Ralphie! Randy's gotta go!
664
00:50:36,132 --> 00:50:38,760
I'll be right out, for crying out loud!
665
00:50:39,135 --> 00:50:41,865
Almost there! My fingers flew.
666
00:50:41,972 --> 00:50:43,633
My mind was a steel trap.
667
00:50:43,740 --> 00:50:45,139
Every pore vibrated.
668
00:50:45,542 --> 00:50:47,203
It was almost clear.
669
00:50:47,377 --> 00:50:48,401
Yes!
670
00:50:55,585 --> 00:50:56,813
Ovaltine?
671
00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:02,287
A crummy commercial?
672
00:51:04,929 --> 00:51:06,453
Son of a bitch!
673
00:51:08,699 --> 00:51:11,190
I went out to face the world again.
674
00:51:11,335 --> 00:51:12,768
Wiser.
675
00:51:25,716 --> 00:51:27,183
Red cabbage?
676
00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:30,220
No, that's for tomorrow night. You love red cabbage, Ralphie.
677
00:51:32,156 --> 00:51:34,124
You filthy system!
678
00:51:34,192 --> 00:51:35,853
I hate it!
679
00:51:36,028 --> 00:51:38,656
Schmucker! Smelly watt-buster!
680
00:51:47,372 --> 00:51:51,741
What happened next was a family controversy for years.
681
00:52:08,661 --> 00:52:09,787
What was that? What happened?
682
00:52:14,033 --> 00:52:15,466
What happened?
683
00:52:16,235 --> 00:52:17,725
What broke?
684
00:52:18,004 --> 00:52:19,767
I don't know what happened.
685
00:52:19,839 --> 00:52:22,103
I was watering my plant and...
686
00:52:23,409 --> 00:52:25,172
I broke your lamp.
687
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,021
Don't you touch that!
688
00:52:43,030 --> 00:52:45,157
You were always jealous of this lamp.
689
00:52:45,899 --> 00:52:47,366
Jealous of a plastic leg?
690
00:52:47,468 --> 00:52:48,628
Jealous!
691
00:52:48,802 --> 00:52:51,032
Jealous because I won.
692
00:52:52,940 --> 00:52:54,430
That's ridiculous! Jealous?
693
00:52:54,575 --> 00:52:55,701
Jealous of what?
694
00:52:56,944 --> 00:52:58,241
That is...
695
00:52:58,312 --> 00:53:02,271
the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire life!
696
00:53:02,649 --> 00:53:04,207
Now it was out.
697
00:53:04,618 --> 00:53:05,915
Get the glue.
698
00:53:06,487 --> 00:53:08,751
We're out of glue.
699
00:53:11,058 --> 00:53:15,392
You used up all the glue on purpose!
700
00:53:17,232 --> 00:53:19,632
The old man stood quivering with fury...
701
00:53:19,734 --> 00:53:22,168
stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher.
702
00:53:22,570 --> 00:53:23,832
All he got out was:
703
00:53:23,905 --> 00:53:25,202
Not a finger!
704
00:54:05,948 --> 00:54:08,178
With as much dignity as he could muster...
705
00:54:08,284 --> 00:54:10,844
the old man gathered up the sad remains...
706
00:54:10,953 --> 00:54:13,478
of his shattered major award.
707
00:54:14,356 --> 00:54:17,154
Later that night, alone in the backyard...
708
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:19,391
he buried it next to the garage.
709
00:54:19,995 --> 00:54:21,656
Now I could never be sure...
710
00:54:22,131 --> 00:54:25,726
but I thought that I heard the sound of taps being played...
711
00:54:26,036 --> 00:54:27,298
gently.
712
00:54:27,704 --> 00:54:29,433
Know what I'm getting my old man for Christmas?
713
00:54:29,506 --> 00:54:30,303
What?
714
00:54:30,303 --> 00:54:31,303
A rose that squirts.
715
00:54:31,374 --> 00:54:33,433
People come to smell it, it squirts them.
716
00:54:33,610 --> 00:54:35,737
I'm getting my old man a Flit gun.
717
00:54:35,737 --> 00:54:37,137
A Flit gun?
718
00:54:40,484 --> 00:54:41,644
Stop right there!
719
00:54:41,852 --> 00:54:45,788
Ordinarily, if Dill so much as said "hi" to you, you felt great...
720
00:54:46,289 --> 00:54:49,816
warm inside. But mostly he just hit you in the mouth.
721
00:54:50,093 --> 00:54:52,755
I can't now, Grover. I've gotta go see Miss Shields.
722
00:54:53,096 --> 00:54:55,997
Hey, come here! Get over here!
723
00:54:56,433 --> 00:54:58,367
Come on, you! Hey, come here!
724
00:54:59,871 --> 00:55:00,803
You! Come here!
725
00:55:01,038 --> 00:55:01,766
Who, me?
726
00:55:02,006 --> 00:55:03,407
No, your Aunt Tilly.
727
00:55:03,407 --> 00:55:04,907
Yeah, you. Get over here!
728
00:55:05,109 --> 00:55:08,101
I left Flick to certain annihilation.
729
00:55:09,146 --> 00:55:11,637
But BB gun mania knows no loyalties.
730
00:55:12,116 --> 00:55:14,084
Uncle! Uncle!
731
00:55:19,056 --> 00:55:20,080
All right, class.
732
00:55:20,525 --> 00:55:23,119
I have your Christmas themes for you.
733
00:55:24,161 --> 00:55:25,526
I'm pleased.
734
00:55:26,130 --> 00:55:28,325
In general, you did very well.
735
00:55:31,502 --> 00:55:35,029
However, I was disappointed in the margins.
736
00:55:37,676 --> 00:55:39,268
This is it.
737
00:55:40,646 --> 00:55:42,841
"C+"? No, it can't be.
738
00:55:43,282 --> 00:55:44,681
C+?
739
00:55:44,850 --> 00:55:46,875
C+!
740
00:55:54,660 --> 00:55:55,888
Oh, no!
741
00:55:57,062 --> 00:55:58,723
"You'll shoot your eye out"?
742
00:56:01,066 --> 00:56:03,034
My mother must have gotten to Miss Shields.
743
00:56:03,201 --> 00:56:04,793
There could be no other explanation.
744
00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:09,200
You'll shoot your eye out. You'll shoot your eye out.
745
00:56:11,778 --> 00:56:15,509
Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice...
746
00:56:15,582 --> 00:56:17,880
against Red Ryder and his peacemaker?
747
00:56:18,084 --> 00:56:22,282
These multiplication questions were most missed in our last math test.
748
00:56:22,388 --> 00:56:23,946
Would you answer in unison, please?
749
00:56:24,257 --> 00:56:27,158
I was surrounded by happier kids who were all going to get...
750
00:56:27,260 --> 00:56:28,818
what they wanted for Christmas.
751
00:56:29,195 --> 00:56:30,423
fifty-six.
752
00:57:01,095 --> 00:57:02,619
Hey, four-eyes!
753
00:57:02,696 --> 00:57:05,256
How'd you like your snowball sandwich?
754
00:57:05,933 --> 00:57:07,924
Maybe you'd like another one!
755
00:57:13,474 --> 00:57:14,463
Listen, jerk.
756
00:57:14,708 --> 00:57:18,007
When I tell you to come, you better come!
757
00:57:19,214 --> 00:57:21,682
What? Are you going to cry now?
758
00:57:21,883 --> 00:57:25,649
Come on, cry baby, cry for me. Come on.
759
00:57:26,021 --> 00:57:27,511
Cry!
760
00:57:27,656 --> 00:57:29,453
Deep in the recesses of my brain...
761
00:57:29,591 --> 00:57:32,958
a tiny red-hot little flame began to grow.
762
00:57:46,708 --> 00:57:47,834
Something had happened.
763
00:57:48,009 --> 00:57:52,002
A fuse blew and I had gone out of my skull.
764
00:58:01,123 --> 00:58:03,557
I'm telling my dad!
765
00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:07,053
Hey, Ralphie!
766
00:58:13,903 --> 00:58:16,030
Beat him up! Beat him up!
767
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,784
Did you hear what he said?
768
00:58:37,394 --> 00:58:39,828
I have since heard of people under...
769
00:58:39,930 --> 00:58:43,593
extreme duress speaking in strange tongues.
770
00:58:43,900 --> 00:58:47,358
I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities...
771
00:58:47,537 --> 00:58:51,837
and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed.
772
00:59:00,684 --> 00:59:02,242
Ralphie!
773
00:59:19,137 --> 00:59:21,002
We're going home. Come on.
774
00:59:40,125 --> 00:59:43,094
Calm down. Come on in here, Ralph.
775
00:59:47,599 --> 00:59:49,032
Put your head down in here.
776
00:59:49,468 --> 00:59:51,629
Come on, get down in here.
777
00:59:52,738 --> 00:59:54,296
Settle down.
778
00:59:56,608 --> 01:00:00,339
I want you to go in there and lie down in your room for a while.
779
01:00:01,446 --> 01:00:03,573
Ralphie, just settle down.
780
01:00:07,286 --> 01:00:09,049
Here, dry off.
781
01:00:09,288 --> 01:00:11,256
All right, calm down.
782
01:00:11,391 --> 01:00:13,825
All right. Now go lie down.
783
01:00:33,580 --> 01:00:36,140
The light was getting purple and soft outside.
784
01:00:36,282 --> 01:00:39,115
Almost time for my father to come home from work.
785
01:00:59,506 --> 01:01:01,098
What's the matter? What you crying for?
786
01:01:02,076 --> 01:01:04,510
Daddy's going to kill Ralphie.
787
01:01:05,112 --> 01:01:06,579
No, he's not.
788
01:01:06,714 --> 01:01:08,079
Yes, he is, too.
789
01:01:08,182 --> 01:01:09,740
No, he's not.
790
01:01:09,850 --> 01:01:14,048
I promise you Daddy is not going to kill Ralphie.
791
01:01:14,922 --> 01:01:16,446
Why don't you come on out of there?
792
01:01:20,028 --> 01:01:21,188
Would you like some milk?
793
01:01:23,064 --> 01:01:24,793
You would?
794
01:01:31,439 --> 01:01:32,633
Here you go.
795
01:01:33,975 --> 01:01:34,999
All right?
796
01:01:35,710 --> 01:01:38,440
I'll see you later? Okay. Bye.
797
01:01:50,759 --> 01:01:54,422
I heard the car roar up the driveway, and a wave of terror broke over me.
798
01:01:54,664 --> 01:01:57,690
He'll know what I said, the awful things that I said.
799
01:01:57,934 --> 01:01:59,731
Get out of here!
800
01:02:00,403 --> 01:02:03,668
Go on home, you mangy mutts. Get out of here, you rotten, filthy...
801
01:02:03,940 --> 01:02:04,668
Hey, Bumpus!
802
01:02:04,740 --> 01:02:07,208
Get over here and get your stinking dogs!
803
01:02:08,311 --> 01:02:11,371
Hey, come on, what's for dinner? I'm starving to death.
804
01:02:31,268 --> 01:02:33,896
Well, what happened today?
805
01:02:34,604 --> 01:02:35,935
Where's your glasses?
806
01:02:37,374 --> 01:02:39,035
Did you lose your glasses again?
807
01:02:39,409 --> 01:02:40,341
Ralphie.
808
01:02:40,677 --> 01:02:43,771
Remember, you left these on the radio again.
809
01:02:44,014 --> 01:02:46,847
Now try not to do that anymore.
810
01:02:47,884 --> 01:02:49,442
So what else happened today?
811
01:02:50,954 --> 01:02:52,353
Nothing much.
812
01:02:52,556 --> 01:02:53,887
Ralphie had a fight.
813
01:02:54,691 --> 01:02:55,453
A fight?
814
01:02:55,659 --> 01:02:56,990
What kind of a fight?
815
01:02:59,429 --> 01:03:01,488
You know how boys are.
816
01:03:03,134 --> 01:03:05,034
I gave him a talking to.
817
01:03:06,437 --> 01:03:09,804
I see that the Bears are playing Green Bay on Sunday.
818
01:03:11,676 --> 01:03:12,438
Oh, yeah.
819
01:03:12,610 --> 01:03:14,635
Zudock's got tickets. I wish I had.
820
01:03:14,946 --> 01:03:16,846
He'll freeze his keister off out there.
821
01:03:19,917 --> 01:03:23,409
I slowly began to realize I was not about to be destroyed.
822
01:03:23,788 --> 01:03:25,255
The Chicago Bears.
823
01:03:25,857 --> 01:03:27,347
The terror of the midway.
824
01:03:28,326 --> 01:03:31,818
From then on, things were different between me and my mother.
825
01:03:34,098 --> 01:03:37,158
More like the Chicago Chipmunks, maybe.
826
01:03:37,335 --> 01:03:38,461
But Bears, never.
827
01:03:40,439 --> 01:03:41,428
Strange.
828
01:03:41,707 --> 01:03:45,438
Even something as monumental as "The Scut Farkus Affair"...
829
01:03:45,677 --> 01:03:47,201
as it came to be known...
830
01:03:47,379 --> 01:03:49,973
was pushed out of my mind as I struggled for a way out...
831
01:03:50,049 --> 01:03:52,882
of the impenetrable BB gun web...
832
01:03:52,951 --> 01:03:55,010
in which my mother had me trapped.
833
01:03:55,354 --> 01:03:56,446
Santa!
834
01:03:57,156 --> 01:03:58,885
Yeah, I'll ask Santa.
835
01:03:59,591 --> 01:04:01,252
Of course! Santa.
836
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:03,619
The big man. The head honcho.
837
01:04:03,862 --> 01:04:05,090
The connection.
838
01:04:05,364 --> 01:04:07,958
My mother had slipped up this time.
839
01:04:30,123 --> 01:04:31,750
Mickey!
840
01:04:48,809 --> 01:04:51,369
The store's going to close soon
and Santa will be gone.
841
01:04:51,445 --> 01:04:55,472
Ralphie, Santa's not going anyplace. Just be still!
842
01:05:05,126 --> 01:05:07,560
Mom, this is just the same old dumb parade as last year.
843
01:05:07,661 --> 01:05:09,958
Ralphie, will you please calm down.
844
01:05:09,958 --> 01:05:10,858
Mom—
845
01:05:11,265 --> 01:05:11,892
Hush!
846
01:05:11,892 --> 01:05:12,892
Shut up, Ralphie!
847
01:05:22,511 --> 01:05:23,307
There he is!
848
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:25,539
Santa!
849
01:05:32,854 --> 01:05:35,345
Have you been a good boy? Have you?
850
01:05:35,490 --> 01:05:37,223
Can we go now? Can we go?
851
01:05:37,223 --> 01:05:38,323
Yes, we can go now.
852
01:05:38,460 --> 01:05:40,655
Come on, Ralphie.
853
01:05:52,307 --> 01:05:54,400
Merry Christmas!
854
01:05:57,113 --> 01:05:59,479
Come on, Randy, hurry up.
855
01:06:12,595 --> 01:06:14,790
Ralphie, look over there.
856
01:06:14,864 --> 01:06:17,890
See, the line's not so long. Get in it.
857
01:06:17,967 --> 01:06:20,834
Take Randy's hand and hold on to him. We'll see you later, okay?
858
01:06:20,903 --> 01:06:24,066
Stay together, you hear? And don't get lost.
859
01:06:27,643 --> 01:06:28,735
Come on.
860
01:06:28,878 --> 01:06:30,345
Let's go.
861
01:06:33,250 --> 01:06:34,877
Young man.
862
01:06:35,052 --> 01:06:36,178
Hey, kid.
863
01:06:36,553 --> 01:06:38,314
Just where do you think you're going?
864
01:06:38,314 --> 01:06:40,114
We're going up to see Santa.
865
01:06:40,958 --> 01:06:43,756
The line ends here. It begins there.
866
01:06:44,194 --> 01:06:45,889
Merry Christmas!
867
01:06:46,096 --> 01:06:49,190
Come on, come up, boys and girls.
Hurry up.
868
01:06:55,105 --> 01:06:56,538
Come on.
869
01:07:00,444 --> 01:07:05,245
The line waiting to see Santa stretched all the way back to Terre Haute!
870
01:07:05,883 --> 01:07:07,783
And I was at the end of it.
871
01:07:10,121 --> 01:07:12,180
I like Santa.
872
01:07:16,561 --> 01:07:18,756
Let's face it. Most of us were scoffers.
873
01:07:18,830 --> 01:07:23,858
Moments before zero hour, it did not pay to take chances.
874
01:07:24,802 --> 01:07:28,932
The chocolate snowman eats little boys.
875
01:07:30,675 --> 01:07:32,233
My pretty...
876
01:07:32,477 --> 01:07:34,604
What a tasty little boy.
877
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,781
Don't bother me. I'm thinking.
878
01:07:43,188 --> 01:07:45,315
I like The Wizard of Oz.
879
01:07:48,594 --> 01:07:50,528
I like the Tin Man.
880
01:07:54,733 --> 01:07:58,829
If Higbee thinks I'm working one minute past 9:00, he can kiss my foot.
881
01:08:00,472 --> 01:08:02,531
Come on up on Santa's lap.
882
01:08:02,641 --> 01:08:07,078
There's a wet one. And what's your name, little boy?
883
01:08:07,279 --> 01:08:08,268
Billy.
884
01:08:08,347 --> 01:08:09,541
Come on, Randy.
885
01:08:11,116 --> 01:08:14,313
And what do you want for Christmas, Billy? A toy truck?
886
01:08:14,421 --> 01:08:16,355
Get him off my lap.
887
01:08:16,489 --> 01:08:18,286
Quick, get me a towel.
888
01:08:26,032 --> 01:08:28,125
I hate the smell of tapioca.
889
01:08:29,669 --> 01:08:33,105
Attention shoppers! It is now 9:00 and our store is closing.
890
01:08:33,506 --> 01:08:36,441
9:00! Great Scott! The store is gonna close!
891
01:08:37,477 --> 01:08:40,071
Santa can't wait all night.
892
01:08:40,647 --> 01:08:42,740
Come on up on Santa's lap.
893
01:08:52,526 --> 01:08:53,652
Get moving, kid.
894
01:08:54,995 --> 01:08:56,690
Quit dragging your feet.
895
01:09:09,810 --> 01:09:11,368
Get him out of here.
896
01:09:22,089 --> 01:09:23,852
Come on, kid.
897
01:09:29,931 --> 01:09:32,422
Come on up.
898
01:09:42,778 --> 01:09:46,270
And what's your name, little boy?
899
01:09:46,415 --> 01:09:49,851
Hey, kid, hurry up, the store's closing!
900
01:09:52,888 --> 01:09:57,552
Listen, little boy, we got a lot of people waiting here, so get going!
901
01:09:59,762 --> 01:10:02,731
What do you want for Christmas, little boy?
902
01:10:03,099 --> 01:10:05,192
My mind had gone blank.
903
01:10:05,334 --> 01:10:07,564
Frantically I tried to remember what it was I wanted.
904
01:10:07,637 --> 01:10:09,195
I was blowing it, blowing it.
905
01:10:12,241 --> 01:10:15,301
How about a nice football?
906
01:10:15,445 --> 01:10:18,437
Football. What's a football?
907
01:10:19,148 --> 01:10:21,275
Without conscious will, my voice squeaked out:
908
01:10:21,384 --> 01:10:22,612
Football.
909
01:10:23,152 --> 01:10:24,744
Okay, get him out of here.
910
01:10:25,288 --> 01:10:28,621
A football! Oh, no. What was I doing?
911
01:10:28,691 --> 01:10:31,057
Wake up, stupid, wake up!
912
01:10:38,869 --> 01:10:41,963
I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot...
913
01:10:42,072 --> 01:10:43,130
range model air rifle.
914
01:10:45,209 --> 01:10:46,904
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
915
01:10:48,645 --> 01:10:50,442
Merry Christmas.
916
01:11:06,163 --> 01:11:07,960
I'll see you in Oz, folks.
917
01:11:16,541 --> 01:11:18,509
Well, did you see Santa Claus?
918
01:11:19,077 --> 01:11:21,511
Did you tell him what you wanted for Christmas?
919
01:11:21,613 --> 01:11:25,344
Did he ask you if you'd been a good boy all year?
920
01:11:25,750 --> 01:11:26,478
No.
921
01:11:27,318 --> 01:11:29,445
Don't worry, he knows.
922
01:11:30,154 --> 01:11:31,678
He always knows.
923
01:11:34,459 --> 01:11:37,087
Merry Christmas.
924
01:11:38,029 --> 01:11:40,361
Okay, down you go.
925
01:11:40,632 --> 01:11:41,792
Bye, Chris.
926
01:11:52,144 --> 01:11:54,442
That's fine.
927
01:11:55,247 --> 01:11:57,807
Now wait a minute. All right. Plug her in!
928
01:11:59,718 --> 01:12:01,345
Well, the green string is out.
929
01:12:01,453 --> 01:12:03,717
No, the green is on. It's the blue that's out.
930
01:12:03,989 --> 01:12:06,082
Oh, don't tell me what color it is.
931
01:12:06,191 --> 01:12:07,351
I'm not color blind.
932
01:12:08,127 --> 01:12:09,617
I'm not color blind, either.
933
01:12:13,299 --> 01:12:14,789
There, see, I told you it was green.
934
01:12:17,304 --> 01:12:19,431
Hold it! Don't anybody move!
935
01:12:20,907 --> 01:12:22,306
Hold it right there!
936
01:12:22,943 --> 01:12:24,706
A fuse is out.
937
01:12:25,211 --> 01:12:28,908
The old man could replace fuses quicker than a jackrabbit on a date.
938
01:12:28,982 --> 01:12:30,609
He bought them by the gross.
939
01:12:36,523 --> 01:12:38,252
Oh, Ralph.
940
01:12:38,558 --> 01:12:40,924
My, isn't that pretty?
941
01:12:41,094 --> 01:12:42,391
That son of a gun.
942
01:12:44,364 --> 01:12:45,558
Yeah. No.
943
01:12:45,699 --> 01:12:47,360
That star is crooked.
944
01:12:47,634 --> 01:12:49,568
That star is perfectly straight.
945
01:12:52,073 --> 01:12:53,566
Oh, you've got to be careful.
946
01:12:53,566 --> 01:12:54,166
I am.
947
01:12:56,877 --> 01:13:00,005
It's just... Let me get it fixed. That's all right.
948
01:13:06,087 --> 01:13:07,611
Perfect.
949
01:13:10,491 --> 01:13:12,322
Oh, goodness, look at the time.
950
01:13:12,393 --> 01:13:14,384
I hope Santa hasn't had to pass up this house...
951
01:13:14,462 --> 01:13:17,488
just because some boys weren't in bed when he came by.
952
01:13:17,632 --> 01:13:20,226
I thought I heard Santa's sleigh bells...
953
01:13:20,301 --> 01:13:22,826
a little while ago, going up the other side of the street.
954
01:13:23,904 --> 01:13:25,235
All right, you two, upstairs.
955
01:13:26,375 --> 01:13:28,400
Go on the double, on the double.
956
01:13:39,921 --> 01:13:41,013
Okay, let's get them.
957
01:14:44,388 --> 01:14:46,447
Randy, come on! Get up, Randy!
958
01:14:57,167 --> 01:14:59,260
Santa Claus had come!
959
01:15:02,840 --> 01:15:05,035
Wow! A truck! That's mine!
960
01:15:05,609 --> 01:15:07,839
Wow, look over here! That's mine!
961
01:15:07,911 --> 01:15:09,401
What's in here?
962
01:15:09,748 --> 01:15:10,772
It's hard.
963
01:15:11,116 --> 01:15:14,176
Fire truck. Oh boy, that's mine!
964
01:15:23,261 --> 01:15:24,558
Does this raise?
965
01:15:39,744 --> 01:15:40,972
Merry Christmas.
966
01:15:42,447 --> 01:15:44,779
Merry Christmas, you two.
967
01:15:45,584 --> 01:15:48,280
Randy, no. Wait for Christmas to start, honey.
968
01:15:48,721 --> 01:15:50,181
I want to play Santa!
969
01:15:50,181 --> 01:15:51,781
Well, wait a minute, Randy.
970
01:15:51,857 --> 01:15:53,757
He played Santa last year, didn't he?
971
01:15:54,126 --> 01:15:56,253
Ralphie, you play Santa this time.
972
01:15:56,529 --> 01:15:57,363
Come on, Ralphie.
973
01:15:57,363 --> 01:15:58,463
Who should I start with?
974
01:15:58,764 --> 01:16:01,062
Well, give Randy a present.
975
01:16:01,167 --> 01:16:05,331
And, I think I see Aunt Clara's gift to you right over there.
976
01:16:05,437 --> 01:16:07,871
She always sends you such wonderful presents.
977
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:10,936
Give me mine, Ralphie! Come on.
978
01:16:27,828 --> 01:16:32,322
Christmas had come. Officially. We plunged into the cornucopia...
979
01:16:32,399 --> 01:16:36,267
quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.
980
01:16:36,403 --> 01:16:37,836
Didn't I get a tie this year?
981
01:16:44,978 --> 01:16:46,577
A zeppelin!
982
01:16:46,577 --> 01:16:48,277
A can of Simonize.
983
01:16:49,082 --> 01:16:52,245
Ralphie, what did Aunt Clara give you? Show everybody.
984
01:16:57,425 --> 01:16:58,289
I don't want to.
985
01:16:58,893 --> 01:17:01,327
Ralphie, show everybody what Aunt Clara gave you.
986
01:17:02,263 --> 01:17:05,096
Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that...
987
01:17:05,166 --> 01:17:09,694
I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl.
988
01:17:10,204 --> 01:17:14,072
She just always gives you the nicest things, Ralphie.
989
01:17:18,579 --> 01:17:21,377
Oh, isn't that sweet?
990
01:17:21,816 --> 01:17:23,514
Ralph, go upstairs and try it on you—
991
01:17:23,514 --> 01:17:24,614
I don't want to!
992
01:17:24,719 --> 01:17:27,119
Go upstairs right now and try on that present!
993
01:17:27,222 --> 01:17:30,589
She went to all that trouble to make it! Now go on.
994
01:17:38,267 --> 01:17:42,431
While Ralphie is changing, I'm going to play Santa Claus.
995
01:17:42,504 --> 01:17:44,131
Now, let me see what can I find.
996
01:17:44,339 --> 01:17:47,900
I see something! Randy.
997
01:17:48,143 --> 01:17:49,906
This is for you, honey.
998
01:17:50,779 --> 01:17:52,713
And this is for Daddy.
999
01:17:55,651 --> 01:17:56,345
Here.
1000
01:17:56,418 --> 01:17:58,283
From me to you.
1001
01:18:00,555 --> 01:18:02,386
Thanks a lot.
1002
01:18:02,792 --> 01:18:05,022
I wonder what it could be?
1003
01:18:06,029 --> 01:18:09,021
Only one way to find out, isn't there?
1004
01:18:09,299 --> 01:18:11,494
Well, it's a blue ball!
1005
01:18:13,169 --> 01:18:14,932
It's a bowling ball.
1006
01:18:15,939 --> 01:18:17,201
Thank you, darling.
1007
01:18:17,307 --> 01:18:18,835
Do you like it?
1008
01:18:18,835 --> 01:18:20,435
Yes, very much. Very much.
1009
01:18:21,144 --> 01:18:22,042
Ralphie.
1010
01:18:22,245 --> 01:18:24,270
We're waiting.
1011
01:18:24,447 --> 01:18:26,005
Oh, come on, Mom.
1012
01:18:26,449 --> 01:18:28,110
Right now!
1013
01:18:38,195 --> 01:18:41,824
Lmmediately my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies...
1014
01:18:41,899 --> 01:18:45,266
with the blue button eyes stared sappily up at me.
1015
01:18:46,003 --> 01:18:48,699
Come down here so I can see you better.
1016
01:18:49,540 --> 01:18:51,337
I just hoped Flick would never spot them...
1017
01:18:51,475 --> 01:18:54,774
as the word of this humiliation could easily make life...
1018
01:18:54,845 --> 01:18:57,678
at Warren G. Harding School a veritable hell.
1019
01:19:00,117 --> 01:19:01,106
Isn't that cute?
1020
01:19:01,785 --> 01:19:05,414
That is the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life.
1021
01:19:06,223 --> 01:19:07,121
Shut up, Randy.
1022
01:19:08,125 --> 01:19:10,218
He looks like a deranged Easter bunny.
1023
01:19:12,430 --> 01:19:13,325
He does not!
1024
01:19:13,325 --> 01:19:14,125
He does, too.
1025
01:19:14,199 --> 01:19:15,894
He looks like a pink nightmare.
1026
01:19:16,568 --> 01:19:18,559
Are you happy wearing that?
1027
01:19:18,903 --> 01:19:19,892
Do you want to take it off?
1028
01:19:20,105 --> 01:19:21,333
You tell the kid to take it off.
1029
01:19:21,406 --> 01:19:24,375
You'll only wear it when Aunt Clara visits. Go on and take it off.
1030
01:19:24,442 --> 01:19:26,103
Take it off!
1031
01:19:29,714 --> 01:19:31,614
My God, will you look at that mess?
1032
01:19:32,017 --> 01:19:33,651
Who's going to clean the papers up?
1033
01:19:33,651 --> 01:19:34,451
Not me.
1034
01:19:35,854 --> 01:19:37,086
Randy did it last year.
1035
01:19:37,086 --> 01:19:38,186
Well, he can do it again.
1036
01:19:40,759 --> 01:19:43,660
You know, this wine is not bad. It's not good either, but...
1037
01:19:43,728 --> 01:19:44,988
You want a sip?
1038
01:19:44,989 --> 01:19:46,289
No, you don't.
1039
01:19:47,767 --> 01:19:48,859
Did you have a nice Christmas?
1040
01:19:49,602 --> 01:19:50,569
Yeah, pretty nice.
1041
01:19:50,669 --> 01:19:52,136
Did you get everything you wanted?
1042
01:19:53,105 --> 01:19:54,767
Well, almost.
1043
01:19:54,767 --> 01:19:55,767
Almost?
1044
01:19:55,875 --> 01:19:57,502
Well, that's life.
1045
01:19:58,177 --> 01:19:59,872
Well, there's always next Christmas.
1046
01:20:03,115 --> 01:20:04,480
That's funny.
1047
01:20:05,384 --> 01:20:07,181
What's that over there behind the desk?
1048
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:09,152
Where?
1049
01:20:09,221 --> 01:20:11,052
Behind the desk, against the wall over there.
1050
01:20:13,893 --> 01:20:15,224
Why don't you go check it out?
1051
01:20:31,912 --> 01:20:33,209
What did we put over there, honey?
1052
01:20:34,681 --> 01:20:36,774
Santa Claus probably put it.
1053
01:21:13,654 --> 01:21:17,488
Oh, it was beautiful. I could hardly wait to try it out.
1054
01:21:18,259 --> 01:21:19,920
Do you know how to load it?
1055
01:21:23,364 --> 01:21:24,626
That's right.
1056
01:21:32,307 --> 01:21:33,205
Be careful.
1057
01:21:33,675 --> 01:21:35,108
Don't. They run all over.
1058
01:21:41,950 --> 01:21:43,212
Close her up. Close it up.
1059
01:21:44,286 --> 01:21:46,982
Can I try it out, Ma? Can I?
1060
01:21:47,089 --> 01:21:47,856
Sure.
1061
01:21:47,856 --> 01:21:48,556
Okay.
1062
01:21:49,024 --> 01:21:50,150
But outside.
1063
01:21:50,259 --> 01:21:52,124
I still say those things are dangerous.
1064
01:21:53,629 --> 01:21:56,223
Put on your galoshes and your coat. It's cold out.
1065
01:21:59,668 --> 01:22:02,603
I had one when I was eight years old.
1066
01:22:03,206 --> 01:22:05,731
What if he hurts himself? Ralphie, your coat!
1067
01:22:07,043 --> 01:22:08,945
Don't shoot any animals or birds!
1068
01:22:08,945 --> 01:22:10,945
Except the Bumpuses' dogs!
1069
01:22:12,549 --> 01:22:14,540
Be careful, Ralphie!
1070
01:22:15,218 --> 01:22:18,312
Now it is well known throughout the Midwest that the old man...
1071
01:22:18,388 --> 01:22:20,253
is a turkey junkie.
1072
01:22:21,124 --> 01:22:25,424
A bona fide garley turkicanus freak. A few days before Christmas...
1073
01:22:25,562 --> 01:22:29,658
his eyes would begin to gleam with a wild and ravenous light.
1074
01:22:33,636 --> 01:22:37,936
Okay, Black Bart, now you get yours.
1075
01:22:51,922 --> 01:22:53,856
Oh, my God! I shot my eye out!
1076
01:22:54,024 --> 01:22:55,582
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
1077
01:22:56,060 --> 01:23:00,326
You'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out!
1078
01:23:01,265 --> 01:23:04,462
Ralphie, you be careful out there. Don't shoot your eye out!
1079
01:23:04,535 --> 01:23:06,594
She hadn't seen! She didn't know!
1080
01:23:07,238 --> 01:23:09,832
My eye's all right. The BB must've hit my glasses.
1081
01:23:11,242 --> 01:23:12,937
My glasses! Oh, no!
1082
01:23:13,011 --> 01:23:14,672
Where are my glasses?
1083
01:23:16,314 --> 01:23:19,078
Few things brought such swift and terrible retribution...
1084
01:23:19,184 --> 01:23:22,153
on a kid as a pair of busted glasses!
1085
01:23:26,491 --> 01:23:27,753
Stop!
1086
01:23:39,971 --> 01:23:41,438
Oh, no!
1087
01:23:43,908 --> 01:23:46,172
Oh, no! Pulverized.
1088
01:23:58,057 --> 01:24:02,221
For a moment I thought, I'll fake it. They'll never know the lens is gone!
1089
01:24:04,897 --> 01:24:07,730
Randomly, my mind evolved a spectacular plot.
1090
01:24:07,933 --> 01:24:10,094
Let's see, an icicle!
1091
01:24:10,436 --> 01:24:12,802
Falls off the garage and hits me in the eye!
1092
01:24:13,139 --> 01:24:17,337
It would work. It had to work. Quickly, I whipped up some tears.
1093
01:24:23,617 --> 01:24:26,381
What's the matter, honey? What happened?
1094
01:24:26,453 --> 01:24:27,681
What happened? Let me see that.
1095
01:24:27,754 --> 01:24:31,520
There was this icicle and it fell off the garage and it hit me.
1096
01:24:35,896 --> 01:24:36,727
What is it?
1097
01:24:36,727 --> 01:24:39,127
No, it's okay. Just read your funnies.
1098
01:24:43,303 --> 01:24:44,793
Wake up, Randy.
1099
01:24:49,576 --> 01:24:50,907
Oh, God.
1100
01:24:51,078 --> 01:24:54,138
It hit my cheek and it broke my glasses.
1101
01:24:54,648 --> 01:24:58,345
And I tried to get out of the way, but I...
1102
01:25:00,288 --> 01:25:04,190
There, see, it's just a little bump.
1103
01:25:04,559 --> 01:25:06,220
You're lucky it didn't cut your eye.
1104
01:25:06,294 --> 01:25:08,421
Those icicles have been known to kill people.
1105
01:25:14,669 --> 01:25:16,370
What's going on up there?
1106
01:25:16,370 --> 01:25:18,070
Nothing. We'll be right down.
1107
01:25:18,373 --> 01:25:21,035
You stay away from that turkey! It's got an hour to cook.
1108
01:25:21,142 --> 01:25:22,302
You'll get worms!
1109
01:25:27,482 --> 01:25:28,972
But what about my glasses?
1110
01:25:29,551 --> 01:25:31,883
You can wear the old ones with the crack in them...
1111
01:25:31,954 --> 01:25:33,785
until we get you some new ones.
1112
01:25:36,625 --> 01:25:38,525
I had pulled it off!
1113
01:25:39,928 --> 01:25:41,793
But I left my gun outside.
1114
01:25:43,098 --> 01:25:45,965
When you get dressed you can go out and get your gun.
1115
01:25:46,168 --> 01:25:47,533
Hold that on there.
1116
01:25:48,036 --> 01:25:49,628
Life is like that.
1117
01:25:50,105 --> 01:25:55,042
Sometimes at the height of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith...
1118
01:25:55,144 --> 01:25:58,045
when all is most right with the world...
1119
01:25:58,180 --> 01:26:01,513
the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.
1120
01:26:16,966 --> 01:26:18,524
Oh, turkey!
1121
01:26:33,383 --> 01:26:36,580
Sons a bitches! Bumpuses!
1122
01:26:51,802 --> 01:26:55,397
The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house. But it was gone.
1123
01:26:55,539 --> 01:26:58,565
All gone. No turkey. No turkey sandwiches.
1124
01:26:58,642 --> 01:27:02,669
No turkey salad. No turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey a la king...
1125
01:27:02,780 --> 01:27:04,077
or gallons of turkey soup.
1126
01:27:04,148 --> 01:27:04,876
Gone.
1127
01:27:04,949 --> 01:27:06,211
All gone.
1128
01:27:10,855 --> 01:27:11,844
All right.
1129
01:27:12,323 --> 01:27:13,221
Everybody upstairs.
1130
01:27:13,458 --> 01:27:14,755
Get dressed.
1131
01:27:16,928 --> 01:27:18,418
We are going out to eat.
1132
01:27:42,721 --> 01:27:47,181
No! Not, "ra ra ra ra ra."La la la la la."
1133
01:27:47,593 --> 01:27:48,389
Sing like this:
1134
01:27:56,836 --> 01:27:58,326
Try again.
1135
01:28:08,347 --> 01:28:09,541
Stop!
1136
01:28:10,316 --> 01:28:12,079
Sing something else.
1137
01:28:25,666 --> 01:28:26,724
No!
1138
01:28:26,800 --> 01:28:27,892
Stop!
1139
01:28:28,769 --> 01:28:31,033
Kitchen. Bring food. For customers.
1140
01:28:40,180 --> 01:28:41,511
Oh, I'm sorry.
1141
01:28:44,351 --> 01:28:46,012
It's a beautiful duck.
1142
01:28:46,420 --> 01:28:48,081
It really is.
1143
01:28:48,889 --> 01:28:50,516
But you see...
1144
01:28:53,026 --> 01:28:53,822
What?
1145
01:28:53,894 --> 01:28:55,862
It's smiling at me.
1146
01:29:01,436 --> 01:29:02,528
Okay?
1147
01:29:03,938 --> 01:29:05,371
Beautiful!
1148
01:29:08,910 --> 01:29:10,935
That Christmas would live in our memories...
1149
01:29:11,045 --> 01:29:14,481
as the Christmas when we were introduced to Chinese turkey.
1150
01:29:15,917 --> 01:29:17,908
All was right with the world.
1151
01:29:38,874 --> 01:29:41,172
Oh, honey, come over here. Look at this.
1152
01:29:42,011 --> 01:29:43,979
Is that beautiful!
1153
01:30:29,926 --> 01:30:34,192
Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue-steel beauty.
1154
01:30:34,964 --> 01:30:37,296
The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received...
1155
01:30:37,400 --> 01:30:38,833
or would ever receive.
1156
01:30:40,004 --> 01:30:43,667
Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pranging ducks on the wing...
1157
01:30:43,741 --> 01:30:46,266
and getting off spectacular hip shots.
1158
01:30:47,741 --> 01:30:57,741
© anoXmous
@ https://thepiratebay.se/user/Zen_Bud
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