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1
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,374
Previously on Weeds.
2
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:11,104
You know what, just once admit
that you had sex with Mr. Schiff.
3
00:00:11,128 --> 00:00:12,661
Her math teacher.
4
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,640
And he threatened
to stab himself
5
00:00:14,664 --> 00:00:16,893
in the heart with a
geometry compass
6
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,157
when she dumped him.
7
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,397
He finally got fired,
divorced his wife,
8
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,831
and camped out on our front lawn
9
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,283
until Daddy had him taken away.
10
00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:25,547
He used to send you
notes from the loony bin.
11
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:27,726
Gross. Total bullshit.
12
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:31,013
Andy, I got a fucking
AMBER Alert out on me.
13
00:00:31,081 --> 00:00:32,764
What happened to your arm?
14
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,553
I dropped my keys in the porta-potty.
There was a raccoon in there.
15
00:00:36,153 --> 00:00:37,168
Punched him out.
16
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,998
I got everybody up my ass.
17
00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:42,107
We need to go far, far away.
18
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,142
Yeah. Copenhagen.
19
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,944
We're gonna need passports.
20
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:47,946
Okay. Lots of money.
21
00:00:47,998 --> 00:00:49,208
Well, we'll sell lots of drugs.
22
00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:52,817
No. One big sell. And it's done.
23
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,569
What's next?
24
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,454
One more stop first.
25
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,723
Oh, my sister Nancy.
26
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,492
What a big fucking surprise.
27
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,529
Dad worked for Ford,
28
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,582
just like everyone else within
a 30-mile radius of Detroit.
29
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:10,635
There was this mermaid
mailbox that my dad made.
30
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,726
Doug, hurry the
fuck up. I gotta go.
31
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:37,262
Hang on, bro. Got
a mudslide coming.
32
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,265
Bullshit. You're smoking
in there. Come on.
33
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:44,703
Just pooping.
34
00:01:44,755 --> 00:01:46,855
Lit a match to mask the stench.
35
00:01:46,924 --> 00:01:49,023
That is not poop. That's hash.
36
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,913
Not fun in here.
Not having any fun.
37
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,982
How smart is it to go
back to your hometown
38
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,544
when everyone's looking for you?
39
00:01:58,568 --> 00:02:00,535
We sell hash. We go
where the customers are.
40
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:02,299
Dearborn is crawling with Arabs.
41
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,722
Also not a bad place
to score a fake passport.
42
00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:06,507
Isn't it a little
racist to assume
43
00:02:06,576 --> 00:02:09,428
all Arabs have access
to fake passports?
44
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:13,815
It's also racist to assume all
Asians are bad drivers, but they are.
45
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,997
Andy's gonna make
some friends, hook us up.
46
00:02:17,021 --> 00:02:18,787
How about I sell the hash
47
00:02:18,855 --> 00:02:21,823
and you get passports
from the radical Muslims?
48
00:02:21,892 --> 00:02:23,709
I got a Jew face.
49
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:27,090
Oh! Wait, turn here. I
think it's on the next block.
50
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,663
The Fake Passport Depot?
51
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,965
No, my friend Lainie's house.
52
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:33,535
It's where I hid every
time I ran away from home.
53
00:02:33,603 --> 00:02:35,887
All right, here it is. Here.
On this corner. Right here.
54
00:02:41,178 --> 00:02:43,778
We should go in and
see if Lainie's home.
55
00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:47,432
Ooh! Strip club. I'll
put my sweatpants on.
56
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:51,319
Why can't we just find someplace
to park and stay in the RV?
57
00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:54,155
Trolling around Little
Beirut in the Jesus wagon
58
00:02:54,224 --> 00:02:56,491
might bring some
unwanted attention.
59
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,920
Yeah. We need a nice crappy
American car around here so we blend.
60
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,546
And sleep where?
61
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,998
What about Mr. Schiff?
62
00:03:04,067 --> 00:03:05,166
Who?
63
00:03:05,235 --> 00:03:06,629
The math teacher she
boned in high school.
64
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:08,603
Bullshit. That never happened.
65
00:03:08,672 --> 00:03:10,016
Do you remember where he lived?
66
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,723
Uh, by the park on Maple.
67
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:12,792
He boned her.
68
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,226
It wasn't an admission.
69
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:17,523
Who the hell knows where their
high school math teacher lived?
70
00:03:17,547 --> 00:03:18,847
He won't even remember me.
71
00:03:21,985 --> 00:03:23,918
Nancy?
72
00:03:23,988 --> 00:03:25,236
Mr. Schiff.
73
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:29,224
Wow!
74
00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:34,963
And what's with the Mr. Schiff
routine? It's me. It's Warren.
75
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,117
God.
76
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:42,887
I knew you'd come back.
77
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:49,094
And you look fantastic.
78
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,244
Oh.
79
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,147
It definitely happened. Gross.
80
00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:54,282
Hey. Never confirmed.
81
00:03:54,350 --> 00:03:55,851
They had sex.
82
00:03:55,919 --> 00:03:59,337
How're you doing? It's so good to
see you. You look well. You're well?
83
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,273
What do you mean "well"?
84
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:03,375
I'm not crazy anymore
if that's what you mean.
85
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,910
I did go away for a
while, but I'm better now.
86
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,007
Oh, glad to hear it.
87
00:04:07,031 --> 00:04:08,797
Except for the sciatica.
88
00:04:08,866 --> 00:04:11,483
Yeah. They say that
it's a pelvic imbalance
89
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,518
from schlepping
that mail bag around
90
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,020
on my right shoulder
for all those years,
91
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,789
but I don't agree with them.
92
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:22,143
I think it's more referred pain,
you know, from the plantar fasciitis.
93
00:04:22,212 --> 00:04:23,452
You work for the post office?
94
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,337
Yeah. Oh.
95
00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:26,538
Perfect.
96
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:27,983
Uh... Uh...
97
00:04:28,051 --> 00:04:29,584
Wanna come in?
98
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:32,688
I'm not alone.
99
00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:37,442
Okay, so, Aaron is your brother.
100
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,577
Brother-in-law, Andy.
101
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,479
Andy, Andy, right.
102
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:42,980
Steven is your friend.
103
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,081
Doug.
104
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:49,087
Doug? Doug,
yes. And... Oh, shit!
105
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:52,107
Shane. Shane. Shane... Uh...
106
00:04:54,577 --> 00:04:56,089
Midas? Silas.
107
00:04:56,113 --> 00:05:00,215
Silas! Silas. And the
baby is the baby. The baby.
108
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:06,120
So, you sure you're okay
with everybody staying here?
109
00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:10,092
Okay? Nothing will
give me more pleasure.
110
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,446
What's mine is yours.
111
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,816
Except that telescope.
Don't touch that telescope.
112
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:22,520
Nobody touches
the telescope. Okay?
113
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:27,859
Or goes into the room over
there. You can try, but it's locked.
114
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,194
Hey. Nice massage table.
115
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,311
That's my bed.
116
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:32,330
I sleep face down
on that little hole.
117
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:35,450
Takes pressure off
the cervical nerves.
118
00:05:35,518 --> 00:05:36,880
You have a lot of
cool stuff in here.
119
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:40,005
I got it all from SkyMall.
I'm hooked on that catalog.
120
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,124
That stuff's bullshit. I once
ordered the extra tall carry-on bag
121
00:05:43,193 --> 00:05:45,538
and it was too "extra tall" to fit
in the overhead compartment
122
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:46,789
so they made me check it.
123
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,525
Then the airline lost the bag.
124
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:49,592
And when I asked for a refund,
125
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,727
they said that I
should've bought
126
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,429
the electronic suitcase locator.
127
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,197
So I bought that and
when it didn't work,
128
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,732
they said I should've bought the
extra long life battery re-charger.
129
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,334
So I bought that and
when it exploded, they said,
130
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,086
"Oh, you should've
got the surge protector
131
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:02,010
"because you're
overloading the socket."
132
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,139
So I bought that and...
133
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,979
Can you shut the fuck up?
134
00:06:05,048 --> 00:06:07,582
Uh, what's with the
JC Mobile out there?
135
00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:10,101
You're not born
again or anything?
136
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,281
No. We lost our
faith a long time ago.
137
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,907
Oh. Well, you lost something
here a long time ago, too, didn't you?
138
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:24,582
Uh, Doug, RV, sell it now.
139
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:25,711
Why do I have to do it?
140
00:06:25,735 --> 00:06:27,013
Andy and I have errands to run.
141
00:06:27,037 --> 00:06:28,203
Right.
142
00:06:28,271 --> 00:06:31,272
Listen, uh, is everything
okay with you guys?
143
00:06:31,341 --> 00:06:34,509
'Cause I'm sensing
a little trouble.
144
00:06:34,577 --> 00:06:36,994
No. Everything's fine.
145
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,409
But if anybody asks I'm
Nathalie, Shane is Shawn,
146
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:43,568
Andy's Randy, Doug is Ted,
Silas is Mike, and the baby's Avi.
147
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,877
Clear?
148
00:06:52,462 --> 00:06:53,895
So?
149
00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:57,483
What were you thinking? You go
to Dearborn 'cause Arabs love hash?
150
00:06:58,769 --> 00:07:00,296
You been watching
too many episodes of 24.
151
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,788
No one does this shit anymore.
152
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:07,358
You're wrong. It's making a
comeback. It's retro. Kids love retro.
153
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,961
These things are cyclical.
154
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,791
Look, I promote three of the
hottest nights a week out of this space
155
00:07:12,815 --> 00:07:16,468
and, trust me, no kid comes here
to smoke hash and get mellow.
156
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,532
They all wanna get
cranked up, fuck like dogs.
157
00:07:19,556 --> 00:07:21,567
So, unless you're
packing E or blow,
158
00:07:21,591 --> 00:07:22,852
you're shit out of luck, Mommy.
159
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,010
I need up, not down.
160
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,445
Up, not down.
161
00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:31,377
Hash. Belongs in
a fucking museum.
162
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:33,968
Okay. Thank you for your time.
163
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,132
Boy, what a crowd.
164
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,778
I'm sure this isn't a
fire hazard. Right?
165
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:07,096
Mind if I kneel
down next to you?
166
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,531
Stretch the hip
flexors a little bit?
167
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,621
There we go. Okay, I'm ready.
168
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,793
I'm sort of a recent convert.
169
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,946
Prison, five-year stretch.
I don't like to talk about it.
170
00:08:18,014 --> 00:08:20,165
Found Allah. It was either
that or go Aryan Nation,
171
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,513
but those guys
are just assholes.
172
00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:30,158
Passports?
173
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,314
Passports?
174
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,502
Passports?
175
00:08:41,571 --> 00:08:45,011
Why do you keep saying
this word? Please stop.
176
00:08:48,345 --> 00:08:49,345
Passports?
177
00:09:00,723 --> 00:09:02,056
Passports?
178
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:05,927
Passports?
179
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,867
Oh, hey. Oh, wait, can I get
my mat? It's a Manduka Pro.
180
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,532
This isn't very
accepting of you.
181
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,390
The mosque up the street
has much nicer carpets.
182
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,699
So you know.
183
00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:24,587
What the fuck is that?
184
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:25,964
Shut up. I'm concentrating.
185
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:28,616
It's a telekinetic
obstacle course.
186
00:09:28,684 --> 00:09:31,402
It measures theta
waves like an EEG.
187
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,272
It's kind of like shock therapy.
188
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:36,107
Not that I've ever had that.
189
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:38,109
It's not moving.
190
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:39,410
Stay focused.
191
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,995
So, Mr. Schiff,
192
00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,899
what was my mom
like as a teenager?
193
00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:48,235
Well, uh, she got
straight A's in math.
194
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,457
An amazing gymnast and dancer.
195
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,192
Oh! We used to
have this talent show
196
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,773
where all the kids would
choreograph these numbers
197
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,197
and make money for the prom.
198
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,818
And Nancy stole the show.
199
00:10:03,886 --> 00:10:05,464
I mean, she outshined everyone,
200
00:10:05,488 --> 00:10:07,099
including all the older girls.
201
00:10:07,123 --> 00:10:11,910
She designed her own
costume, which was this metallic,
202
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,547
lavender, leotard thing
203
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,115
which was so...
204
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:24,756
Excellent.
205
00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:28,643
You wouldn't have any
pictures, would you?
206
00:10:30,113 --> 00:10:31,913
Check this out.
207
00:10:31,981 --> 00:10:34,901
You keep a picture of
our mom in your wallet?
208
00:10:36,119 --> 00:10:38,252
No. No, no, no, no.
209
00:10:38,321 --> 00:10:42,206
I just dug it out a few minutes
ago to show it to you two.
210
00:10:42,258 --> 00:10:44,520
And if you don't believe
me, I'm not crazy.
211
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,444
Oh, nobody said you were.
212
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,980
So, what else can
you tell us about her?
213
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:52,734
Why don't I fetch the yearbook
and you can see for yourself.
214
00:10:52,802 --> 00:10:54,969
This is bullshit.
215
00:10:55,038 --> 00:10:57,049
Maybe it only works
on positive energy.
216
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,440
Fuck you.
217
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:03,377
So, what do you think is in the
locked room at the end of the hall?
218
00:11:03,446 --> 00:11:04,663
Probably a shrine to Mom.
219
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,013
Et voila!
220
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,177
Holy shit.
221
00:11:12,555 --> 00:11:14,188
Yeah, here she is.
222
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,367
Shane, check it out.
223
00:11:15,391 --> 00:11:17,292
Hold on. I'm getting close.
224
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,728
That's weird. The guy next
to her has his face marked out.
225
00:11:20,797 --> 00:11:23,364
That's 'cause he was an idiot.
226
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,666
Still is. I deliver his mail.
227
00:11:26,569 --> 00:11:28,920
Lars Guinard.
228
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:33,707
The loser, asshole, do-nothing
boyfriend of your mother's
229
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,522
from the middle of junior high
all the way through high school.
230
00:11:36,546 --> 00:11:38,063
Really?
231
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,114
She's never mentioned him.
232
00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:42,433
She ever mention me?
233
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:44,261
Holy fuck, it's levitating!
234
00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:48,334
What's this Lars guy look like?
235
00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:51,425
Blond-haired,
lean, chisel-faced.
236
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:53,769
He looked like you.
237
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,299
Oh.
238
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:19,003
Surprise!
239
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:23,674
Was in the neighborhood.
Decided to drop by.
240
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:28,045
Wow! Nice headstones.
241
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,581
Jill really went all out.
242
00:12:32,268 --> 00:12:37,539
As usual. This is Avi. Stevie,
whatever. Your grandchild.
243
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:40,341
Wanted you to meet him.
244
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:50,568
Sorry you never got a chance
to meet Silas and Shane.
245
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:54,157
In retrospect, probably a
mistake. But you started it.
246
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,976
You think my marrying
a Jew was bad,
247
00:12:58,044 --> 00:12:59,811
you should meet
this little guy's father.
248
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:05,016
Long story. Didn't
work out so well.
249
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,918
Won't bore you with the details.
250
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,265
Really liking this
new side of you.
251
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,057
Less judgmental, more
accepting, willing to listen.
252
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,673
If I weren't in the process
of fleeing the country,
253
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:20,732
I'd say we should
do it more often.
254
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,849
Anyway...
255
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:33,011
Anderson's Butterscotch.
Your favorite.
256
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:36,614
Mom, sorry. I didn't get a
chance to stop by a liquor store.
257
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,318
Say bye.
258
00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:43,804
Excuse me, I'm totally lost.
259
00:13:43,873 --> 00:13:45,701
Would you mind if I follow
you back to the main office?
260
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,085
I need to get one of those.
Why didn't I get one of those?
261
00:13:48,110 --> 00:13:50,377
Dummy. Uh, me, not you.
262
00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:53,097
Your baby has your eyes.
The shape, not the color.
263
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,651
I'm not a pervert, I
promise. I'm just chatty
264
00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:01,072
and in desperate need of a map.
265
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,876
I'm done. Here. Take mine.
266
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,397
Nancy Price?
267
00:14:14,571 --> 00:14:17,121
Ellis Tate. From high school.
268
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:21,492
I was a freshman when you were
a senior. I had a huge crush on you.
269
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,544
You had no idea I existed.
270
00:14:24,848 --> 00:14:28,933
Sure. You look the same?
271
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:34,138
Yeah. Uh, sorry
about your parents.
272
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,687
Mine are buried around here
somewhere, too. Probably hiding from me.
273
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,778
But I'll find them.
274
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:45,850
Clearly I haven't exactly been a
regular visitor around these parts,
275
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,719
if you know what I mean.
276
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,854
Glad to see I'm
not the only one.
277
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,986
Uh, listen, I live in Oregon.
278
00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:57,570
I'm just down here clearing
up some family trust stuff.
279
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:01,566
Dodged all the reunions. Didn't
really keep track of the old crowd,
280
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:05,752
but seeing you now,
I'm starting to regret it.
281
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,508
Do you wanna get a
coffee or something?
282
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:14,289
Relive the old horrors and
humiliations of high school?
283
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,996
Well, that sounds like no fun.
284
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,950
Nice to see you.
285
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,617
They fuck you up,
your mom and dad.
286
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,758
They may not
mean to, but they do.
287
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,694
They fill you with
the faults they had
288
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,044
and add some extra just for you.
289
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:34,749
It's sad, isn't it?
290
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,286
One cup of coffee?
291
00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:40,788
Hmm?
292
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:46,861
My number.
293
00:15:46,930 --> 00:15:49,713
That's very sweet, Ellis, but...
294
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,751
You're a freshman, I'm a
senior. It'd never work out.
295
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:02,710
Dork.
296
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:12,236
Oh, look, sorry about ruining
your prayer time in there.
297
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,999
Look, there's a
militancy to our religion
298
00:16:14,023 --> 00:16:16,457
I'm just not yet simpatico with.
299
00:16:16,526 --> 00:16:18,125
Passports. Are you
buying or selling?
300
00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:20,071
Buying. I'm buying.
Yeah, see, I knew.
301
00:16:20,095 --> 00:16:22,195
I'm a good judge of character.
302
00:16:22,264 --> 00:16:24,376
The minute I laid eyes on you, I
said, "That's a guy with connections."
303
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,044
It is true. I can connect
you with someone.
304
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,385
But it will cost $100. Cash.
305
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:29,820
Oh, okay, yeah.
306
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,191
Uh... Uh...
307
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,680
Go to 84720 Michigan Avenue.
Ask for Sam. He's my uncle.
308
00:16:41,784 --> 00:16:47,488
84720 Michigan Avenue.
84720 Michigan Avenue.
309
00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:49,940
84720 Michigan
Avenue. Ask for Sam.
310
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,820
No luck ditching
the Jesus mobile.
311
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:52,955
I think we're gonna
have to come up...
312
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,879
Shh! Don't confuse
me. I got an address.
313
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:56,747
84-something-something
Michigan Avenue.
314
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,432
Fuck! 8742...
315
00:16:58,501 --> 00:17:02,036
No. 842... God! Oh!
316
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:05,656
This always happens to me! Ridiculous
bad short-term memory. Damn it!
317
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:07,091
84720.
318
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:11,195
I was an accountant.
Numbers was my thing.
319
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,734
What a douchebag.
320
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,353
Ask for Sam, my
uncle. Uncle Sam.
321
00:17:19,422 --> 00:17:21,167
That bastard ripped me off.
322
00:17:21,191 --> 00:17:22,706
Fucking Arabs.
323
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,243
All right, what now?
324
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,231
We paint "Allah is awesome,
love," on the side of the RV?
325
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:39,858
Fuck!
326
00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:41,509
Fuck!
327
00:17:41,577 --> 00:17:43,711
Fuck! What the fuck?
328
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:46,613
Sorry. I didn't see
your car. My car?
329
00:17:46,682 --> 00:17:49,650
This is my home. I
live here, fuckwad!
330
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,052
Okay. No need to get nasty.
331
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:54,004
Yeah? Well, I made
this fucking car!
332
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:58,142
Twenty-three years on
the assembly line, laid off!
333
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,627
And you're an asshole!
334
00:18:00,696 --> 00:18:04,431
Hey, man, sorry we
dented your house,
335
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,033
but the damage does seem minimal
336
00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:08,013
and I'm guessing since
you're living out of your car,
337
00:18:08,037 --> 00:18:10,771
you're probably not keeping
up with the insurance payments,
338
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,606
so what do you
say we call it a day?
339
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:17,462
Yeah? Fuck you! You
could've killed my wife!
340
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,979
And my kids!
341
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,964
You okay, honey?
342
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,934
You all right, buddy? You
kids okay? You all right?
343
00:18:26,822 --> 00:18:28,782
Give me 100 bucks
and we'll call it a day.
344
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,143
That seems to be the
popular number today.
345
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:34,044
I'll tell you what.
346
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,681
We'll trade you
the RV for the car.
347
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,199
Obviously, you need a
home to raise your kids.
348
00:18:39,268 --> 00:18:42,919
We need a car that gets more
than eight gallons to the mile.
349
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,456
What's the catch?
350
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:49,092
Uh, the catch is with this economy
you have no hope at all of finding a job.
351
00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:56,900
So, take it. Your kids need more
than a ashtray to call their own.
352
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,858
Pack your things.
We're moving out.
353
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,151
So, anything special we
should know about the car?
354
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:08,078
Oh, yeah. Termites, asbestos. And
the basement floods in the winter.
355
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,246
Fucking assholes.
356
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:11,732
Fair enough.
357
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,682
Ellis, Ellis...
358
00:19:33,456 --> 00:19:34,456
Tate...
359
00:19:39,562 --> 00:19:42,196
How's Mommy gonna
move all this hash? Huh?
360
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:48,603
No? No idea? You're
no help. You're no help.
361
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,290
Wow.
362
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,445
That could work.
363
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,525
Silas Guinard. Mike Guinard.
364
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,948
Shut up.
365
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:21,568
Just 'cause I'm blond doesn't
mean Dad wasn't my dad.
366
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:22,870
Andy's got light hair.
367
00:20:22,939 --> 00:20:25,139
You think Andy's your dad?
368
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:26,773
No, dipshit, I'm just saying
369
00:20:26,843 --> 00:20:28,759
maybe it skips a
generation or something.
370
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:31,573
If that was the case, you'd have
a Jewfro like Grandpa Lenny.
371
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,565
Yeah, well, we'll see.
372
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,833
This Schiff guy's
a little out to lunch.
373
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,382
Lars could be black
for all we know.
374
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,015
It's Lars. Not DeLars.
375
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,072
Shut up.
376
00:20:43,025 --> 00:20:44,458
This is his house.
377
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:49,947
What the fuck are you doing?
378
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,526
You can't just ring
some guy's doorbell
379
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,910
and ask if he's
someone's father.
380
00:20:53,803 --> 00:20:54,803
Just chill.
381
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,458
Yo. Can I help you, bros?
382
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,395
Yeah. We, uh, noticed
your car's for sale.
383
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:08,665
Oh! Hey, yeah. Totally.
She's a sweet ride. Real cherry.
384
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:10,862
Cool scooters.
385
00:21:12,254 --> 00:21:14,535
You guys get those from SkyMall?
386
00:21:14,924 --> 00:21:16,540
Yeah. How'd you know?
387
00:21:16,592 --> 00:21:18,003
Ordered one last
year, never showed up.
388
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,107
Then I ordered
another one, same thing.
389
00:21:21,564 --> 00:21:22,846
Let me grab the keys.
390
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,033
He is so your fucking dad.
391
00:21:26,102 --> 00:21:28,352
Go to hell. Yeah. Hell-sinki.
392
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,887
Fuck you.
393
00:21:34,844 --> 00:21:36,243
Must you stand
over me like this?
394
00:21:36,311 --> 00:21:37,389
Yes, I must.
395
00:21:37,413 --> 00:21:39,396
I'm not good under pressure.
396
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:41,259
No, no, no! That's
too much hash!
397
00:21:41,283 --> 00:21:43,028
This drink's supposed to
be an upper, not a downer.
398
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,863
Right now the only thing
acting like a downer is you.
399
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:48,138
Stand back. Let a master
chemist do his thing.
400
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,891
Creating a new
drug is a delicate art.
401
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,027
Gotta lift you up, but
not too high or too fast.
402
00:21:54,097 --> 00:21:57,131
Then, once afloat, it must keep
you there with a steady hand all night.
403
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,734
And then once the complete
experience has run its course,
404
00:22:00,803 --> 00:22:03,470
it has to gently lay you back
to a peaceful and restful sleep.
405
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,672
It also has to fuck you up.
406
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,508
That, too. All right.
407
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:11,778
One part grain alcohol, dash
of hash, a hint of Red Bull.
408
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:17,000
Ah! And a soupcon of
my super secret ingredient.
409
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:18,269
Close your eyes. Turn around.
410
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,270
Why? 'Cause it's super secret.
411
00:22:21,891 --> 00:22:24,925
Okay, Dr. Feelgood, let's
get this high on the road.
412
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:29,180
Well...
413
00:22:48,484 --> 00:22:50,116
Hmm! Oh!
414
00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:55,907
Okay.
415
00:23:05,868 --> 00:23:08,419
I replaced the alternator
a couple months ago.
416
00:23:08,487 --> 00:23:11,032
Brakes, I did just last summer,
but with the nasty winters,
417
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,741
if I were you guys, I'd get
it looked at before it snows.
418
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,455
And I'm not coming
down on the price. Okay?
419
00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:18,919
I mean, you seem like a nice kid
420
00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:22,599
but this car's got a lot
of sentimental value.
421
00:23:22,668 --> 00:23:25,702
Just don't tell me you
lost your virginity in it.
422
00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:29,857
That's funny.
423
00:23:29,925 --> 00:23:31,102
You're a funny guy, Mike.
424
00:23:31,126 --> 00:23:34,561
Yeah, that's me. Funny Mike.
425
00:23:34,629 --> 00:23:38,832
So, if it's so special to you,
why do you wanna sell it?
426
00:23:38,901 --> 00:23:42,141
It's probably time, you know.
I'm not getting any younger, right?
427
00:23:43,772 --> 00:23:46,572
Ah, hell. Who the
hell am I kidding?
428
00:23:48,210 --> 00:23:50,021
My girlfriend is
making me get rid of it.
429
00:23:50,045 --> 00:23:53,405
She doesn't like the fact
that I banged other chicks in it.
430
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,945
Oh, hey, bro. You find
the bathroom okay?
431
00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:59,836
Yup. Thanks. Cool.
432
00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:02,701
So what do you think? Do
you wanna take her for a spin?
433
00:24:02,725 --> 00:24:05,959
Oh, uh, I gotta pass.
434
00:24:06,028 --> 00:24:07,994
I don't think I can
buy something
435
00:24:08,063 --> 00:24:09,963
you're not really ready to sell.
436
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:15,218
Oh, hey, no problem.
I totally understand.
437
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,568
Actually, I kind
of appreciate it.
438
00:24:18,674 --> 00:24:20,774
You know what I'm
gonna do right now?
439
00:24:20,843 --> 00:24:24,811
I am gonna take this
baby off the market.
440
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,359
I mean, we don't always have to
do what chicks tell us to do, right?
441
00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:28,815
Yeah. Especially fat chicks.
442
00:24:30,186 --> 00:24:31,352
Right.
443
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,551
I'm really happy you
guys showed up today.
444
00:24:36,575 --> 00:24:38,558
You cleared some
stuff up for me.
445
00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:40,644
Oh.
446
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:50,137
So there's a tiny resemblance.
But he's not my dad.
447
00:24:50,206 --> 00:24:51,655
We'll let the lab decide.
448
00:24:52,775 --> 00:24:54,958
Lab?
449
00:24:55,027 --> 00:24:57,867
DNA, my brother. Or
should I say half-brother.
450
00:25:10,159 --> 00:25:11,636
How do you feel
now? Are you okay?
451
00:25:11,660 --> 00:25:13,093
My heart's beating really fast.
452
00:25:13,162 --> 00:25:15,162
I think I'm hard. Nance, check.
453
00:25:19,785 --> 00:25:21,401
A little faster. To the left.
454
00:25:23,472 --> 00:25:26,151
You're a genius. I think
you've reinvented the Quaalude.
455
00:25:26,175 --> 00:25:27,218
I'll keep working on it.
456
00:25:27,242 --> 00:25:29,376
No, don't change
anything. It's perfect.
457
00:25:29,445 --> 00:25:31,679
I'm on fuego. You wanna dance?
458
00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:33,363
No, thanks. Andy?
459
00:25:33,432 --> 00:25:34,492
No, I'm good.
460
00:25:37,820 --> 00:25:38,820
Fun!
461
00:25:46,312 --> 00:25:47,494
It's fierce.
462
00:25:47,563 --> 00:25:49,212
That's good, right?
463
00:25:49,281 --> 00:25:51,565
It's very good.
464
00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:54,346
Here's how it works. I
deliver it in brand-name bottles
465
00:25:54,370 --> 00:25:58,010
so your bartender can pull what
looks like bourbon from a well.
466
00:25:58,057 --> 00:25:59,952
I figure you can
get 15 bucks a shot.
467
00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:01,653
Twenty. 20 bucks a shot.
468
00:26:01,677 --> 00:26:05,178
There's probably 20 shots per
bottle. That's 400 bucks a bottle.
469
00:26:05,247 --> 00:26:07,075
I charge you 200 bucks a bottle.
470
00:26:07,099 --> 00:26:08,599
100.150.
471
00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:09,716
100.
472
00:26:09,785 --> 00:26:11,196
Your people and the bargaining.
473
00:26:11,220 --> 00:26:12,419
Buck 25.
474
00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:13,737
My people.
475
00:26:13,806 --> 00:26:14,917
You better hope my
people order this stuff
476
00:26:14,941 --> 00:26:16,201
or you're giving
me a full refund.
477
00:26:16,225 --> 00:26:17,869
You start comping this
to your best customers.
478
00:26:17,893 --> 00:26:19,704
Word will get around
that a couple shots of it,
479
00:26:19,728 --> 00:26:22,048
you'll be fucking like rabbits.
480
00:26:22,098 --> 00:26:24,364
Dogs. Fucking like dogs.
481
00:26:24,433 --> 00:26:26,216
Only pussies wanna
fuck like rabbits.
482
00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:32,873
That's what I'm talking about.
483
00:26:32,941 --> 00:26:35,159
Well. All right, then.
484
00:26:35,211 --> 00:26:36,326
How fast can you deliver?
485
00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:37,761
Uh, say next week?
486
00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:38,830
Let's say two days.
487
00:26:38,881 --> 00:26:40,381
Again with the bargaining.
488
00:26:40,449 --> 00:26:41,498
Ramadan's coming.
489
00:26:41,567 --> 00:26:42,600
Yes.
490
00:27:01,253 --> 00:27:02,585
I found her.
35932
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