All language subtitles for Watch Bellflower (2011) - Free Movies - Tubi

[crying, muttering]

[crying, muttering continue]

♪ Lord

♪ We will be hurt

♪ But we'll be okay

♪ Lord

♪ Life will be blessed

[Man] Okay.

Imagine...

the apocalypse is just starting, right?

[Man #2 chuckling] Okay, I'm imagining it. Okay.

And nobody's ready, right?

'Cause it just happened, and its all chaos,

and everybody is like, "What do we do?

Like, the fucking world is ending."

And we roll up in the most evil-looking,

rumbling, badass,

flame-throwing muscle car.

And one of us gets out with a hundred pounds of brass

and steel strapped to our back

and just starts torching everything,

completely surrounded by fire.

Okay? [chuckles]

Who do you think is going to be in charge?

Mother Medusa? Mother fucking Medusa.

Dude, I'm really not feeling like going out again tonight.

That was the worst thing that could have happened.

I don't know if that's the worst thing that could've happened.

She could have spit on me or kicked me in the balls.

That would've been awesome. And we could've got beat up.

[both chuckling]

Okay, listen. We're going out again tonight.

I, for real, am starting to feel like girls don't even like me anymore.

Do you know what I was thinking earlier when I was looking into your eyes

when you were holding that big gun by me?

[chuckling] What?

Dude, you harsh reminded me of Lord Humungous. [laughing]

No, I'm serious. It was awesome.

And I was the Birdman. It was sweet.

Okay, listen. We're going out tonight,

and if I even catch you looking at someone--

I don't care if it's a fucking guy--

you're gonna hit on them,

you're gonna pick them up, you're gonna take them home,

and I am gonna be right by your side the whole time.

[laughing] Like, the whole time.

Okay. Until the finishing act.

All right.

So we're sure we don't need that tank?

Yeah. All right.

You worried about ricochet? Dude, you're holding

a 12-gauge, double-barrel, sawed-off shotgun.

We're gonna be fine.

All right. Okay.

Wait.

[breathing heavily]

That's settled then. We're switching to diesel.

[both laughing]

Propane is for pussies. Propane is for pussies.

Come on. It's time to get ready, dude.

♪♪ [pop]

[Man] Ladies and gentlemen,

if I could have your attention for a couple moments.

My name is John Huck, and it is time for the main event.

Oh, yeah! [patrons whooping]

[applause] Whoo!

Take a look at these nice little...

crickets! [crowd groans]

Where's my spotlight?

Hello. All right. Thank you.

Now what I need are two dumbasses to come up here

and compete in a cricket-eating contest

for this $50 gift certificate to some shitty restaurant.

Hey, Johnny! What's up?

Is that fucking Milly?

I'll eat some bugs. What's the big deal?

[John] Okay. Anybody here have what it takes

to, uh, beat this innocent little girl?

What's up?

What is up?

I'll take on that little daddy's girl.

Oh, damn. That sounds like a threat to me, right?

All right, everybody. We got a match! Yeah!

[patrons whooping]

[no audible dialogue]

♪♪ [pop]

You're gonna get your ass kicked.

♪♪ [continues]

[cheering, applause]

[mutters]

Dude, I think that was the sweetest thing I've ever seen you do.

I think that was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Dude, did you get her phone number? Fuck you.

Hey, guys.

Oh, my God, if it isn't the criminal bitch

who stole all the glory from my main man.

Hey, it's what I do. What's up? Have a seat.

All right. Oh. Hey.

Hey.

That was quite the show you put on up there.

Aw, nice. Yeah, it's been, like, 12 hours

since I've seen a girl put that much gross shit in her mouth.

Oh, wow. Quite the charmer. [laughter]

I'm sorry. Um, I'm Aiden.

Milly. [Man] Just to let you guys know,

it's probably the dumbest fucking thing

I've seen anybody do for $50 in my life.

Oh, you think that's dumb? You guys should've been here last week.

What? We were here last week! You were here?

Yeah. When the creepy, old guy came out of the crowd.

No shit! What was wrong with that guy?

So you were actually gonna let them set you on fire?

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

They did set me on fire. What?

Yes! We stayed after hours.

And I missed it? Yup.

Oh, my God. That was all I wanted that night

was to fucking see that shit.

Well, I...

♪♪ [pop]

[laughter]

Looks like you made some friends.

Watch out for these boys. They're bad news.

Oh, they oughta watch out for us.

Oh. [Aidan] Okay. We're gonna need

three pitchers of beer and a round of shots.

Oh, my God. No. What?

Okay. Make it whiskey. Wait. Right? Right?

Joe! Two shots of whiskey each.

And do you have a deck of playing cards?

[Waitress] You know, it's illegal for me to dish out cards in here.

Actually, I do know that. Good.

Hey, there, buddy. Hey.

Did you think you could just sneak away and I wouldn't notice?

I wasn't sneaking away. I was just getting you your drink.

Really? Yes.

But I'm very bad at getting bartenders' attention.

That's okay. We can do it together. Okay. Cool.

So your friend-- he's a little bit of a bastard.

What, Aiden? Ah! Ohh! Go!

No. He's just crazy.

Once you get to know him, he's, like, the sweetest dude you'll ever know.

I'm sure. Hey. I was wondering when you were gonna come see me.

Sorry. Been busy. How you doing?

Good. You know, just the usual. Yeah, I hear you.

So what can I get for you? Um,

I'm gonna get two beers and two shots of whiskey.

Does that work? That's perfect.

Nice.

So your name's Woodrow? Yes.

Milly. Nice to meet you.

Likewise.

So that was awesome, right? What?

The contest. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We put on this whole little show.

You called me a daddy's girl. Yeah.

I was like, "Ooh, who is this guy?"

And then I couldn't even eat a single grasshopper.

Oh, you were all right. Uh, maybe.

So who are you? Where are you from? What do you do?

Uh, wow. Okay.

Um, I live around here,

but I'm from Wisconsin originally.

And I spend... Oh, my God.

What?

Sorry. Um, your shoes.

Oh, yeah. I need to get new ones. They're pretty bad.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What do you do?

Oh, um, I'm building a flamethrower.

You're building a flamethrower? Yes.

Fuck you. No, I really am.

And I'm really excited about it.

That is probably the weirdest thing I have ever heard.

I like you.

I like you, too.

[whooping]

[Aiden] Okay, drink a pitcher.

I'm drunk. I can't. Okay. I'll make you a deal.

Will you go home with me if I drink this entire pitcher?

No.

Okay. It's a deal then.

[laughs] Oh, my God. Ew.

No.

Ohh!

Oh, my God.

Ahhh!

Hey!

You guys doing okay over there?

I think he's coming over here.

Shit.

[Aiden] Okay. You put this between your boobs.

Wait. No, no, no.

And you put this in your mouth.

Don't be a pussy.

Oh! Ohh!

So? So?

Um, it was really, really awesome meeting you tonight.

You, too.

Can I take you out sometime?

Of course.

Okay. Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow?

Yes. Okay. Cool.

Do you want my number? Yes, I do.

That's what I need is your number. Okay. Okay. Oh.

[water running]

What up, dawg? Hey. What's up?

Hm-hm-hm! How you doing?

Oh, shit. Yeah.

Where did you go?

Oh, wait. What, is this Saturday already?

Yes. What'd they have you do tonight?

Swallow flaming swords and shit? Oh, God.

What? No.

They had me eating crickets, live.

That's disgusting, Milly. [chuckling]

I know.

Seriously, that's gross.

I mean, it's a good way to get sick, too.

Actually,

I met this really cool guy tonight.

Yeah? [mutters]

Hmm.

He was going against me in the contest,

and I totally schooled him.

Well, I am going to sleep.

Okay. Good night.

Night.

[Male voice on TV] You have defied me.

[alarm blaring]

♪♪ [humming]

♪ Havin' troubles tellin' how I feel ♪

♪ But I can dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean ♪

♪ But I can dance, dance, dance ♪

Ah. ♪ So when I trip on my feet

♪ Look at the beat

♪ It was all written in the sand ♪

♪ When I'm shaking my hips, look for the swing ♪

♪ It was all written in the air ♪

♪ Oh, dance

♪ I was a dancer all along

♪ Dance, dance, dance

♪ Words can never make up for what you do ♪

♪ Easy conversations

♪♪ [hums]

[gas hisses]

♪♪ [humming]

♪ But when I trip on my feet, look at the ground ♪

♪ The words are written in dust ♪

♪ Well, I'm shaking my hips

Hey, Mr. Dancy Feet, you wanna come and hold this for a second?

Yeah.

That girl last night? Yeah?

Was fucking crazy, right? I know, dude.

She kicked your ass at eating grasshoppers.

[grunts] [clanging]

That's it.

I can't believe it's finally finished.

I can't believe it's finally finished, and we can't test it

till we have one stupid-ass piece. Oh, I know. I know.

Carlos said we'd get the piece tomorrow for sure, so...

Oh. Better be.

[sighs, grunts]

What's up? Huh?

Nothing, dude. What's up?

Dude, I cannot believe you ate grasshoppers to pick up a girl.

No. I know. That was retarded.

No. That's, like, something I would do. Yeah.

Sweet. Oh, fuck, dude.

You should bone her. Yeah.

You get her phone number?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Uh, no. Actually, I'm going on a date tonight.

Cool. Congratulations.

Thanks. Oh, I'm going over to Elliot's,

so if you finish with your little datey thing, you could stop by later.

Okay. Unless it goes super well,

I guess I might not see you till the morning.

I wonder. And then we could test this bad boy.

[chuckling] Yeah. Sweet.

Mike, have you seen my Chap Stick? Get up.

Aha!

See? Hah-hah. Wow.

What are you doing?

Getting ready.

Getting ready for what?

I have a date with that guy I told you about last night.

Did you drop off the rent check yet?

Um, no. I forgot.

Come on, Milly. It's a week late already.

Oh, come on. It doesn't matter.

The landlord has a crush on me anyways. [knocking]

That's him. Can you get it?

Mike? [sighs]

Thank you.

Hey, is, uh, uh, Milly here?

Who are you?

Woodrow.

[chuckles]

Hey. Hey.

Hey, there, buddy. [chuckles]

Bye.

So where do you want to go eat?

Well, I was thinking, 'cause it's our first time hanging out,

I should take you somewhere nice.

Uh, yeah. Fuck that. What?

I want you to take me to the cheapest, nastiest,

scariest place that you know of.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

If I don't get sick, I'm gonna be pissed off.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. You know what? I think I know somewhere we could go.

All right. Where is it? Um,

it's, like, halfway across the country.

What? Where? Texas.

Uh, me and Aiden stopped there on a road trip.

Like, we didn't go in, but it was, like, really scary.

All right. Let's go.

Shut up. No.

What? You wouldn't actually drive

all the way to Texas with me right now?

I would. You wouldn't.

I am not scared. I will absolutely go.

I am not scared either. I will go.

Fine. All right. It's on.

Okay. Okay. Let's go.

All right. [chuckles]

Are those for me?

Oh, yes. Here. These are for you.

Thank you. That's cute.

You're welcome.

Oh, um, this is for you.

Oh. What? What is this?

Just open it. A whole box.

I felt really bad the other night when I was making fun of your shoes--

Oh, yeah. ...so I got you some more.

That's really nice of you. Oh, my God.

I know it's psycho getting you a present on the first date, but...

Date, huh?

Shut up. Put them on.

[Woodrow] Yes. [Milly] Why'd you come here?

Um 'cause California is the place to go when you're from Wisconsin.

Totally.

So what is all this?

Aha.

Okay. Take one of those Dixie cups. Okay.

And then put it underneath the spout.

Okay.

And turn on the passenger seat heat to pressurize the system.

Okay. And then it just works by pressing the button.

Oh, my God.

What is it?

Does it look weird? It's whiskey. No. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Is it awesome?

Is it safe? It's totally safe.

Aah!

Dude, it's like--

it's like a James Bond car for drunks.

[laughs]

So, you, like, built this?

Yes. Yes.

Okay.

It's, like, a hobby, I guess.

Okay. So tell me about the flamethrower then.

Ah, the flamethrower.

So, when me and Aiden were kids in Wisconsin,

we saw Mad Max on TV. Yep.

We recorded it on a VHS tape

and watched it, like, a hundred times.

Totally. And then our minds got warped,

and we decided that we absolutely had to have

our own flamethrower

and, like, a Mad Max muscle car that shoots flames out

and has an engine sticking out of the hood and is really scary.

And-- Thank you.

And then, if and when the apocalypse happens-- Right.

...we're set up to rule over the wasteland

with our gang, Mother Medusa.

You know Mad Max, right?

Yes, I know Mad Max. Come on.

Okay. Sorry.

I think I usually tell it better

so I seem cool.

No. That was perfect to make you seem really cool.

Okay, good.

I expect to become an honorary member someday.

We could probably work something out.

A Medusa, if you will. Yes.

Yeah? Yeah, we'll see.

Yes.

Oh.

For you. Awesome.

And for me.

Woodrow?

♪ If you grew up with white boys ♪

♪ Who only look at black and Puerto Rican porno ♪

♪ 'Cause they want something that their dad don't got ♪

♪ Then you know where you're at ♪

♪ Mortaring your ear holes shut in a rush with wet coke ♪

♪ In a Starbuck's bathroom with the door closed ♪

♪ On booze, I'm left in residue and confused ♪

♪ Like the first time you used soft water down-- ♪

[radio clicks off]

[door closing]

Oh, shit. [muttering]

I need a shot to deal with this.

Here's a little one for you.

Uh-- Oh, my God! [laughing]

[chuckling] This is huge.

Cheers. Cheers.

Well? [chuckles]

Check this out. I'm scared.

That's good. You've done your job.

Do you see this?

What, the railroad special?

Yeah. Served all night.

And day-old meatloaf.

That's not half bad at all. Well, well, well.

Look who got dipped in the pretty sauce.

Did he just grab your ass? Yes. Let's go.

Wait. Hold on a second. No.

Hey, buddy,

you gonna apologize to her for that?

Why don't you take it easy, buddy? Dude--

Hey, I don't think you're listening to me.

I'm dead serious when I'm telling you right now

I will beat the living fucking shit out of you

if you don't apologize to her right now.

Woodrow, let's go, seriously.

[Milly laughing]

Holy shit.

I was the one who was supposed to get sick.

[spits] Yeah.

That didn't go as well as I thought it would.

Ahh.

Mmm.

Okay.

Are you okay? Mm-hmm.

Mmm. Where did you learn to fight like that, mister?

Fuck you. [laughing]

Whatever, dude. Fucking badass.

Oh, hey. What's up, Courtney? Hey, Mike.

Come on in. Thanks.

Whatcha doing?

Uh, just having some people over little later,

so I'm cooking. Cool.

Fun. Yeah.

So, have you seen Milly lately?

No.

Do you know where she is by any chance?

Yeah. She ran off with some dude.

Woodrow?

Yeah, Woodrow. That guy.

She, uh, left a message on the machine yesterday.

What did she say?

She's in Texas or some shit.

God knows.

I hope she gets back in time.

You guys can still come over and party even if she's not back yet.

I still live here, too. Speaking of which, I paid her rent again.

[sighs] Tsk.

Um...

What are you making?

Smokies.

Smokies?

Yeah. Smokies. They're really good.

They're just, like, little tiny wieners?

Yes. Really?

Little hot dogs. That's what you chose to make for your friends--

little wieners. Yeah.

It's an interesting choice.

And I really like this apron, too. Thank you. Okay.

It really brings out your eye color. Bye.

A nice teal. Get outta here. I will see you--

Hey, maybe you can make those smokies for my birthday.

Maybe I will. Maybe I should try one just to--

No, don't touch. If you leave, I'll make them for you.

Really? I promise. But go.

Let's go.

[Milly] ♪ Doodily-do when I doodily-do ♪

♪♪ [humming]

[laughing]

♪ And I-- ♪♪ [humming]

♪ I doodily-do when I doodle my doodle ♪

♪ All us diddle when I get pushed up the middle ♪

Miss Thing! [laughing]

How's your face feel? Hmm?

Oh, it's not bad.

Your eye is really swollen.

It's not that swollen. [chuckles]

No. You're crazy.

Mmm. Does it look cool?

What, you acting crazy?

No, my eye.

Yeah, it's pretty tough.

Okay.

This is nice. Why do you keep saying that?

I don't know. 'Cause it is.

You're so cute.

Mmm. Thank you.

You're pretty cute, too.

[laughing]

Mmm.

Mmm.

This is nice, though. [chuckling]

[chuckling]

Mmm.

♪♪ [rock, slow tempo]

Do you have a boyfriend?

What?

I don't know.

Do you think that I would be on this trip with you if I had a boyfriend?

I don't know.

I mean, I hope not, I guess.

I don't have a boyfriend, silly.

Okay.

Sorry.

♪♪ [continues]

I think you might be my girlfriend someday, yeah?

Um, is that your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?

[laughing]

Um, I don't know. Maybe.

You don't want me to be your girlfriend.

I think I might, actually.

No, you don't.

Why not?

Because.

Because why?

Things will go bad.

How do you know?

Because that's always what happens.

I'll hurt you, and I won't be able to help it.

Oh, how do you know I won't end up hurting you?

I doubt it. [laughing]

I'm pretty tough, you know?

I know, I know.

[sighs]

You're not gonna hurt me.

Okay.

[urinating]

[sighs]

Hello. Hi.

Can I get a pack of aspirin, please?

Aspirin. Yes.

Oh, excuse me. I'm walking.

Oh, actually, can I get the yellow one?

Yellow. Oh, excuse me. I'm walking. Sorry. Excuse me.

Aiden, can you quit harassing my customers, please?

Aiden! You asshole.

My God, I thought you were some crazy weirdo.

I am some weirdo. What are you doing here?

I just live around the corner. Oh. Sorry.

[muttering]

So have you heard from Woodrow or Milly?

Yeah, I did, actually. Apparently they went to Texas.

Texas? Really? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Weird.

They're not gonna get back till Wednesday.

Wednesday. Sweet. Yeah.

Except I'm, like, really bored without Milly around.

Yeah? Yeah.

Then you called,

but then you were just looking for Milly, so...

Hey, come on. I was looking for Woodrow, seriously.

No, I mean, it was weird. I did ask for your number.

I wasn't sure if I should call.

Well, I gave you my number. I know, I know, I know.

But then I woke up the next morning, and I was like, "Oh, my God.

"Last night, I was so drunk,

she probably just gave me her phone number 'cause she felt sorry for me."

No, no. I don't have problems saying no to drunk guys.

No, I didn't say that. It's just I'm so fucking hot.

[chuckles] You're such a dork.

Um, this is my place. Awesome.

Well, um, I don't know

if Woodrow and Milly are gonna be back yet,

but on Wednesday night-- it's my birthday,

so I'm gonna have a party at Milly's house.

Sweet. Since you live right here, if you wanna go--

No. I totally wanna go. I love birthday parties.

Okay. Cool. Okay.

So, Wednesday night. Okay. Cool.

Okay. So I'll see you.

Okay. Okay, that's cute.

Okay. All right. Sweet.

Well, uh, have a good day, and I'll see you

for your super radical birthday party Wednesday night.

We'll get trashed. Okay.

We'll trash-talk each other.

Bye. Okay. Bye.

Woodrow, you have to come see this.

What? Just come see.

What is it? Just come see!

Okay. Ahh! You're gonna make me mad!

[chuckling]

Oh, my God!

Dude, right? This is a really, really

beat-up old motorcycle.

It's fucking homemade. I know.

You know what else it is? Awesome?

Yes, awesome. And?

Old?

Dude, look at it. And?

And apocalypse Road Warrior motorcycle awesomeness!

Totally! Let's buy it. Oh, my God, it is.

How are we gonna get it back? There's no way we're gonna fit that in the car.

Yeah, you're right.

But perhaps we could trade the car for it.

You can't trade your car. Yes, I can.

Who cares? It's not worth anything.

Let's do it. Dude! Let's fucking do it.

All right. Have a great day.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Later! Bye! Bye!

♪ I know you know my heart

♪ I've seen you know

♪ I know you know my heart

♪ You're blind, and you're deaf, too ♪

♪ Aren't you

♪ You're blind, and you're deaf, too ♪

♪ Aren't you

♪ Aren't you

♪ Aren't you

♪ There's people that we know ♪

♪ There's places

♪ There's seldom things we must replace ♪

♪ There's hollowness and there's Sundays ♪

♪ And there's hope every weekend we make it ♪

♪ We find truth in all of our losses ♪

♪ And we build from where we cannot possibly bear ♪

♪ To see

Aiden.

Hey. Hey.

You're here early. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Open it. Oh, okay.

It's a fruitcake.

[snickering] It's awesome.

I figured if I got you fruitcake for your birthday,

I could get you a real present at Christmas when we know each other really well.

Come in. Okay.

♪♪ [rock, faint] [people chattering, faint]

Ohh! [whining]

Oh. [laughs]

Mmm. Is this good-bye?

Mmm, yeah.

Mmm.

Mmm.

I had a really good time hanging out with you.

Me, too.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

[chuckles] What?

Nothing. [chuckles]

[both chuckle]

Did you just kiss me? Yeah.

Took you long enough. Mmm.

I was waiting for the right time.

[both chuckling]

Oh.

There's a bunch of people in your house.

I know. It's Courtney's birthday.

I totally forgot until just now.

Oh.

You wanna come in?

Oh, I'm so tired.

Come on. Come in.

We should get totally wasted.

Okay. All right. But I have to call Aiden.

All right. Because he's probably worried sick about me.

Aw. Okay.

♪ It stumbled out lost

♪ And without a pause, unstung as I was ♪

♪ Still, I stomped it

♪ I thought there was no paved street worthy ♪

♪ Of your perfect Scandinavian feet ♪

♪ While my crooked Chinese fingers groped ♪

♪ The machinery of your throat ♪

[chuckles] What's up?

♪ And now these few presidents ♪

♪ Frowning in my pocket Ah.

♪ Can persuade no god

♪ To let me let you talk

♪ Oh, these few presidents

♪ Drowning in my pocket

♪ Can persuade no god

♪ To let me let you off

What the hell? Woodrow!

I missed you! Where were you? Aidan!

What the hell are you doing here?

[laughing]

[laughter]

So you two actually drove all the way to Texas? Yeah.

You didn't go to that restaurant, did you? I did.

You prick! We were supposed to go there.

I know. I'm sorry. No, it's okay.

Did you actually eat there? Yeah.

I had meatloaf. It was good.

And you're okay? Mm. Mm-mm.

[laughter]

I had diarrhea, but it's better now.

Cool. [Woman] Are you fucking serious?

Oh, my God, perv! Did you fucking just grab my fucking ass?

Relax, okay? Oh, you telling me to relax, huh?

[laughing] Oh, my God.

Shut the fuck up, fucking faggot!

Go suck some fucking dick! [laughter]

[Aiden] Wow. That girl is feisty!

Man.

Hey, Mike, looks like you made a friend up there, huh?

Uh-huh. Yeah. Whatever. Fucking bitch. My house!

I think that girl has a crush on me.

I should probably go say hi.

I think you should, too.

Definitely.

Oh, yeah?

What will you give me if I do?

I will give you a dollar.

I will give you a dollar, too.

I also will give you a dollar.

However, I don't think it's a good idea.

Wow. Three dollars.

Do you guys know what I could buy for three dollars?

[Courtney] Oh, my God. I better go over there.

What are you gonna say?

I think I got the perfect thing, actually.

I'm just gonna need to get ready first.

♪♪ [rock]

[slurred] Hey, I saw you looking at me from across the room,

and I was looking at your jeans,

and I could tell you're packing

a tight little pussy in there,

and I wanted to put it in my mouth.

What the fuck's your fucking problem, man?

You talk to chicks like that all the time, or what?

Hell, no, dude. What, are you crazy, man?

Fuck you!

Ow. Oh.

Now what, motherfucker? Now what? Woodrow! Woodrow!

Fuck! Oh!

Fuck you, motherfucker!

♪♪ [rock]

[urinating]

Dude, come on!

Dude, fuck that guy!

Fuck that girl, dude! I hope that fucking girl

takes that guy home and gives him fucking AIDS.

Or at least a fucking blow job.

Hey, you guys! Where are you going?

[Milly] To hell! [Woodrow] And heaven!

Where you going?

Nowhere.

Aiden...

[Woodrow] Aiden, let's go!

[Milly] Don't be getting fresh with my girl!

You guys stop getting fresh!

[Woodrow] Come on!

♪♪ [whistling]

Ohh...

[stammers]

You know her friends are a bunch of tools, right?

Seriously. Shut up, Mike.

They're my friends, too. [scoffs]

I don't get it.

What don't you get?

Mike, what don't you get?

♪ Get back in the game

♪ Get back in the game

♪ Don't you want rent free from shame ♪

Happy birthday, sweetie.

♪ Never meant to cause you harm ♪

Mm.

Mm. Mm.

[grunting] [chuckles]

Hey, buddy. Mm, hey.

Mm.

Feeling chipper today?

Mm-hmm.

I'm surprised. You just, like, passed out

after beating the crap outta some dude.

Mm, that's right. Oh, my God.

My fucking head hurts so bad.

Hey.

[grunting]

Wait. Wait. What?

Don't get off yet.

I already did.

I'm sorry. Is that gross?

Can you always do that?

I don't know. It never happened before.

Wait. Here. Move like this.

Mm.

Mm.

Hey. Hey.

That was really nice. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it was. Mm-hmm.

I don't think I ever had sex that good before.

Shut up.

No. Shut up.

It probably wasn't any good for you.

[Aidan] It probably would help if my fingers were in your butt.

[chuckling] Oh, no.

[Milly] Oh, my God. Good morning, Aiden.

Wow. You guys are really close.

We can switch spots if you want.

No, no, no. Just pretend I'm not here.

I'm gonna make breakfast. [Woodrow] Such a gentleman.

[chuckling] A fine gentleman.

♪♪ [whistles]

Hey, there, buddy. Hey.

Mmm. Mmm.

I had, like, a really, really good time hanging out with you.

Me, too.

I'm gonna go. I smell.

Okay. [chuckles]

I'll call you later. Okay.

Hey, buddy. Hey!

I'll see you later. Later!

You want butter on your toast?

Yeah. Thanks. No problem.

So, what did you guys do? What happened?

Oh, crap, dude. All kinds of stuff.

Yeah? Well, I wanna hear some fucking stories.

Okay. Um...

Oh, shit! I got a fucking motorcycle.

What? Really? Yeah.

Sweet. Where is it? I'm pretty sure it's still sitting over at Milly's house.

Aw, dude, that sucks. I wanna see it.

I know. It's fucking sweet, dude.

I actually didn't buy it.

What, did you steal it?

[laughs] No. I traded my car for it.

What? Dude, you traded Speed Biscuit for a motorcycle?

Yeah. An apocalypse motorcycle.

Dude, that is so fucking awesome.

All right.

Beer and bacon, beer and bacon.

Here you go.

Oh, wow. Thanks. Yeah.

[sighs]

Do you know what this means, dude?

Two for three. Two for three, dude.

You finished the flamethrower.

I finished the flamethrower. You fucking asshole.

You fucking asshole. Eat your breakfast. We're gonna go test it.

We had to refill the liquor reservoir on the Biscuit, like, three times.

Really? Yeah.

Awesome.

So, basically, while you were away, you turned into a, uh,

drunken, criminal brawler, basically.

Yeah. Dude, that's awesome.

How about this little guy?

Oh, nice. Oh.

Sweet.

I should've called or something while I was gone, huh?

Dude, don't even worry about it. I'm not your mom, I'm your best friend.

Okay. Good. Cool.

Now let's get that fucking Medusa on your back.

I'm so psyched to test this. Okay!

Ready?

The pilot is lit. There we go.

Okay. All right.

All right. Here we go.

Wait. What if it blows up or something?

Then we're gonna be on fire. Okay.

Do we have safety stuff? Oh, dude. I totally forgot.

Here you go, commander. Oh, perfect.

I feel much better now.

All right. Here it goes.

Oh-ho-ho! Holy crap!

Mother Medusa! Mother Medusa!

[both laughing]

Dude, let me try it. Okay.

♪ Give her a dollar

♪ For every word I spoke today ♪

♪ Have at least a couple dollars to my name ♪

♪ Was amazing the way drunk I get ♪

♪ Shake the embers from my hands and my brain ♪

[laughing]

♪ Do I love you enough

♪ To get me through another day ♪

♪ Do I love you enough

♪ To pretend I'm okay

♪ If I had a million people laughin' at us ♪

Did you cut your hair again?

Babes, I'm freaking out.

What? What? I don't like my facial hair.

It looks good.

Does it? Yes. It's fine.

I feel stupid. No.

Just leave it.

Okay. Oh. [chuckles]

I can't find my belt.

It's fucking trashed in here.

What is all this nonsense?

What is this?

It's a jewelry box.

But where did it come from?

My mom gave it to me.

And it's here?

I-- I don't know. I don't know why it's here.

All right. Well. [chuckles]

When are you coming back?

Um, tomorrow night.

You have to leave right now? Yeah.

So we have the whole day tomorrow.

Okay.

[phone humming]

[grunts]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[chuckling] Oh, what's this?

Mmm.

Do you know what you're gonna do tonight?

No. I don't know.

Do you think that you're gonna go out?

Maybe.

Are you gonna come home?

Yes.

Will you call me before you go to bed?

Yes.

Okay.

Who called?

Courtney.

What?

I'm sorry. I'm gonna get going.

All right.

Okay.

[door opens]

I love you.

[chuckles]

[clanging]

Hey, dude. I thought you disappeared.

Hey.

You want a beer? Thanks.

What's up?

Nothing.

Just been sitting here working on a drawing

when I realized I hadn't even left the house in a week.

I told Milly I wasn't coming back until tomorrow.

I bet that went over really well.

Fuck.

You wanna start looking for the car?

No. Fuck the car.

Dude, fuck the gang. Fuck everything right now.

Fuck!

I'm going to bed, dude.

[Milly grunting, moaning]

[Mike moaning]

[Milly] Babe! Fuck!

What? What? Get off! Get off!

Babe! Oh, fuck!

[Mike] Goddamn! [retching]

Fucking Woodrow. [retching continues]

Get your clothes on.

Babe-- Why are you doing this?

Babe, you weren't supposed to be here.

Fuck that! I left a fucking message on the machine!

I didn't get it. I didn't get it! You're always fucking here!

Fuck! Babe! Fuck this shit.

Why are you fucking doing this?

What are you talking about?

What the fuck are you still doing here? Get the fuck out.

Mike-- Milly, come on. Let's go.

Dude, whoa, whoa, whoa. Get the fuck out of my house.

I'm not gonna leave her like this with you. Calm the fuck down.

Milly, will you tell him to get the fuck out of the house?

Milly, let's go. Whoa! Ho!

Fuck! Babe--

Fuck this, dude. I'm not fucking fighting.

I'm not fucking doing-- Mike!

Fuck! Mike!

Stop it! Stop!

Woodrow.

Fuck! Stop it!

Fuck this.

[no audible dialogue]

[muffled yelling]

All right. Wanna go in there with me?

I think if I go in there, I'm gonna kill both of them.

Okay. I'll only be a minute.

[knocking] Hello?

[door opens]

Hey.

[Milly] Hey.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Go ahead.

[car engine revving]

[person clapping]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Okay. Yeah. I'll be right there.

[hangs up phone]

[Woodrow] Today has been too fucking weird, man.

Dude, the last couple days have been too fucking weird.

I was reading--

They gave me this stack of papers,

uh, that I had to sign,

and there was all this stuff about what they did to me while I was here.

Yeah? And my brain is swollen,

so I might die in my sleep or something, apparently.

Holy shit.

This car is fucking crazy.

I know.

Wait. I'm confused.

Well, I knew you needed a car,

so I figured I get you a tank, and then I wouldn't have to worry about you.

Holy shit, dude. This could be the car.

Dude, this is gonna be the car. Ohh...

[chuckling]

[imitates gunshot]

Fucking thing doesn't do anything anyways.

This place is a fucking mess, dude.

Can you fix my bed?

Oh, yeah. No. Totally.

[chatter on TV]

[Man] I'm coming to take your car

and destroy you and take your life.

[knocking]

[sighs]

Hello?

Hey.

It's Courtney.

Woodrow.

How's it going? Good.

Where did you come from? Just from my house.

There's, um, some people over there, drinking. Oh.

But I wanted to come over here and see how you were doing.

Oh, yeah. [groans] Aw.

Do you want to come in? Yeah.

Um, sorry it's a mess in here. That's okay.

Hope it doesn't gross you out. No.

I brought beer. Oh.

Here you go.

Thank you. Sure.

Here. Oh.

You got it? I got it.

Okay.

To what, I don't know.

Mm.

[TV chatter continues]

Um,

you know, I just wanted to--

I just wanted to tell you that I feel really shitty

about the whole Milly thing.

[sighs]

Can you do me a favor? Yeah.

Will you give me a hug?

Yeah. Sorry.

Of course. It's stupid.

No, that's not stupid.

Come here. Mm.

[sighs]

So you've been hanging out with Aiden?

Yeah.

Yeah, a little bit.

I mean, he's been pretty messed up, you know?

About everything.

Yeah?

You know, since...

That feels good.

Yeah?

Wait. Wait, baby.

What?

Um, I don't know--

I don't know if I should do this.

Why not?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

[door opens]

All right! Rise and shine, sweetheart!

Time to get up.

No time for depressed, brain-damaged, sweet dudes to be lying around.

Come on.

[sighs] We've got a big day.

You asshole.

Mm. Ahh.

[grunts]

Ah. All right.

Okay. It's gonna be easy. I got a bunch of projects for us.

Notice. Got back from the muffler place this morning,

where they installed those amazing new post-apocalypse exhaust pipes.

Oh, wow. And, dude,

I found this place online that sells smoke screen.

I got an explosion-proof gas tank,

high-pressure hydraulic pump

that's gonna inject fuel into the exhaust pipes,

creating huge flames to burn our enemies.

[exhales forcefully]

Holy shit. You've been busy.

You might notice a new paint job. Don't worry.

It's not done yet. It's gonna look good. Oh, my God.

Oh, and this turbocharger blower kit for the hood

with sweet belts and pulleys and shit.

But it's on special order, so we might not see it for a while.

Wow. That's, um-- That's a lot of stuff.

I know. I've had a lot of time on my hands, dude.

What do you want to start with?

Um,

I think we should do the flames.

That's what I was thinking.

Uh-oh.

[grunts]

Is there a gun in your purse?

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Is it real?

Mm-hmm.

Can I see it?

Okay.

Sure.

This is a really big gun. [chuckling]

Mm. Yeah.

Seriously-- So if I pulled the trigger--

Wait. If I pulled the trigger right now, it would go off?

Yes. And I will be dead?

You would shoot yourself in the head and be dead.

Okay-- My face feels like it's tingling right now.

Woodrow-- Okay. That's--

Sorry.

[door closes]

It was pretty messed up when you were in the hospital, man.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty weird.

You were pretty messed up,

mumbling all sorts of weird crap.

Was it awesome?

No, dude, it wasn't awesome.

It was actually terrible.

We were all sitting around, super awkward.

No one knew what to say.

Then, like,

everyone just started fucking crying, man.

It was pretty weird.

Dude, can you hand me that screwdriver?

[clatter]

It's okay. I got it.

You all right?

Huh?

[Man]Drinks? [Woodrow] Oh, hello.

Um, yes. We would like a bottle

of the "Claw du Bwah."

[Milly chuckles] Excuse me?

Um, bottle of "Clothes du Boys"?

You mean Clos du Bois? Yes! Clos du Bois.

That's what it is. That's the one.

It is a French wine, and it is the cheapest on the list.

Okay. That's the one I want. Okay.

[Woodrow chuckling]

[Milly] You sure you wanna eat here? Yeah.

No, no. It just seems like

it's really expensive and stuffy.

Oh, wait.

We have to, though, because I got you a present.

You got me a present? Yes.

Oh, my gosh! Dude.

Aiden said that you were supercool,

so it was okay if you joined the gang.

Where did you find it?

I had it made. You had it made?

I love it. It's awesome.

Dude, seriously?

You know what? I am in a gang now.

I do not need this pretentious, bullshit restaurant.

Do you? Fucking, fuck!

Fuck, no, you don't! I'll fuck a bitch!

Goddamn!

[chatter, laughter]

[Milly] "She could hold herself back no longer.

She rides loose like an untamed beast."

Oh, my-- [chomping sounds]

No! [chuckles]

Mm.

This is nice. Yeah.

Wait a minute. What?

I wanna know what happened to Samantha.

She has sex.

"Stephan removes his shaft from her quivering labia"--

Wait a minute. It doesn't really say that.

Yes. "Samantha gasped with desire.

"Stephan makes her beg for it.

"He's not gonna let her get off that easy.

"He slams his gigantic flesh-rod deep into her

and keeps slamming her over and over and over again until she"--

[moaning] Oh, God.

[moaning]

Oh, Milly. Goddamn. [moaning]

[engine revving] [Aidan whooping]

[revving continues] [whooping continues]

[clattering] Woodrow?

[retching]

[spitting]

Everything's fucked up. I have fucking brain damage.

[spits] You don't have fucking brain damage.

Yeah, I fucking do. You don't.

Fucking shitty fucking scars all over my fucking body.

Scars. Okay. [spits]

And my fucking heart's broken.

I'm so fucking pissed, and I don't even know who to fucking blame.

It's all right. [retching]

[knocking]

[door opens] [Mike] Hey.

Milly wants her shit, dude.

What the fuck are you thinking coming over here?

If you want something from us, you send us a fucking letter!

I'm gonna let you go.

If you come back here, I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you.

Okay. I'm putting all her shit in a box

so you don't have to stare at it anymore.

And then when you're feeling well enough, we're gonna burn it.

[exhaling forcefully]

Did you get out at all today?

No.

Milly, what the fuck is going on? Shut up.

Who did...

What the hell happened? Who did this?

[no audible dialogue]

Woodrow?

Yeah?

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Never mind.

Woodrow?

What? I wanna know.

Do you think you're getting over Milly?

[scoffs] What the fuck am I doing?

Oh, Courtney...

This is so stupid.

Courtney, wait.

I love you.

[gasps]

Hey. Hi.

I'm sorry.

Sticking Courtney, huh, dude?

Yeah, I bet that's making you feel better, huh?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Tsk. I'm sorry, dude. It's all right.

I think I just said the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life.

I finished the car.

Really?

Yeah. I think we should go for a drive,

get out of this filthy apartment for a while.

Probably be good. Okay.

[sighs]

I have no idea what I'm doing with her, man.

Hey, don't worry about it, you know?

You're doing what you have to do.

You know I had a crush on her, though, right?

[knocks] Open the fucking door.

[Milly] Leave me alone.

Are you gonna do something about this shit,

or am I going to? Take care of it yourself.

Oh, you want me to fucking take care of it?

Open the door.

Open the door.

Open the door, or I'm gonna do something bad, I swear to God.

[sighing]

You gonna be all right, dude?

Yeah, I think I am, actually.

I'm serious about leaving, you know?

Think about it. We could leave in the morning.

Just get the fuck outta here.

Almost forgot.

I guess these are yours.

You sure?

Yeah, dude. It's your car.

You know, the car is fucking supercool.

I know.

All right. I'll see you later, dude.

[sighs]

Hey! Hey, no! What the fuck are you...

What are you doing? [glass shatters]

Stop it! Stop it!

Mike...

Mike, this is done.

Give me the bat. Go home.

Hey! It's 3:00 in the goddamn morning!

I called the cops.

Aiden.

Come over here.

[groans]

[panting]

Aw, fuck.

[bat clatters on ground]

[knocking]

Good afternoon. Are you Milly by any chance?

Yeah

Um, I have some bad news that I need to give to you.

Oh, my God.

This is fucking stupid. Where are you going?

I'm leaving! Woodrow, what are you talking about?

Where are you going? I don't know. I'm just fucking leav--

Fuck! What about Aiden?

Are you fucking kidding me?

"What about Aiden?"

When's the last time you fucking saw Aiden?

Aiden's not here. Fucking idiot.

Okay. I don't understand. What are you so angry about right now?

What are you fucking doing here?

What?

What are you doing in my house?

You're Milly's best friend.

[Courtney] Fuck you! You're an asshole!

Oh, and you're not an asshole?

I knew exactly what you were doing, Woodrow.

I just thought that maybe you actually liked me,

'cause I'm so fucking stupid.

I think you should go home. I need to be alone.

I'm gonna go buy some socks and some other crap,

and in the morning, I'm getting in my car and going.

[beeps]

[engine starts]

[blow lands]

[Woodrow groans] [Milly] Give me the bug spray.

[spray hissing]

[muffled grunting]

[muffled breathing, grunting]

Fuck it. I'm going. I'm going.

What the fuck?

Woodrow asked me to move away with him.

What?

Hey.

You need to leave.

Now.

What about rent?

I'm sorry. Put an ad in the paper. Fuck you.

You can't just disappear. You need to get out of my way now.

If you don't hurry, he's gonna leave without-- Fuck you, Courtney! Aah!

What the fuck?

[Courtney] Woodrow.

Woodrow?

[laughter]

[Milly] I promise I will do anything you want.

Give him a fucking mustache. He hates mustaches.

[screaming]

Have you seen Woodrow?

[chuckles] Have you?

You piece of shit.

Fuck you. You're supposed to be my best friend.

We don't even fucking talk anymore, you piece of fucking shit!

Get the fuck outta my house! No!

Not until you get on your knees and tell me that you're a piece of filthy shit.

What the fuck are you...

Let me the fuck up, you fucking bitch!

Don't fucking follow me!

I will stab you in the fucking throat, I swear to God,

if you don't get the fuck out of my house.

I will fucking cut you! Get the fuck out of my house!

Fuck you!

[grunting]

[car engine revving]

[tires screech]

Ohh!

[no audible dialogue]

[Woodrow screams]

[both breathing heavily]

Did you do this to me? I don't know! I don't know!

Why did you do this to me? I'm sorry! I don't know!

What do you want me to fucking do?

I don't care. You see my fucking face?

I'm sorry! What do you want me to do?

I can do some really fucking sick shit!

I've been fucking thinking about it all morning!

I know, I know! I don't care! Just do it!

I don't care!

I don't care! [sobbing]

I don't care!

I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[breathing heavily]

[crying]

[whimpering]

[grunting]

[mutters]

Ow!

[screaming]

[Courtney] Woodrow?

No, no, no, no. No!

Woodrow, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Wait! Wait!

Woodrow!

Woodrow!

[screams]

[gunshot]

♪ Could you wait for answers, please ♪

♪ It's not really you here

♪ In the darkest hour

♪ It's what you say you are

♪ And the way you make me feel ♪

♪ How did you get black

♪ How did my soul turn so black ♪

[blowing]

[Aiden] I'm sorry, dude. [Woodrow] It's all right.

I think I just said the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life.

I finished the car.

Really?

Yeah. I think we should go for a drive,

get out of this filthy apartment for a while.

Probably be good.

Okay. [grunts]

[lighter clicking]

[inhaling deeply]

[exhaling]

[Aiden] Dude, you should hit this.

[Woodrow] No. I'll freak out. You know. You've seen me.

You're not gonna freak out. It's just you and me.

We're not gonna have to talk to anyone else.

All right. Give it here. [lighter clicking]

[inhaling deeply]

[exhaling]

[coughing]

Oh, Jesus.

[both laugh]

Ah, nice, dude.

[waves crashing]

Ah.

I've been thinking.

We pretty much moved all the way out here for no reason

except for that we thought it would be cool,

like in the movies.

I mean, we never even go to the beach.

Yeah.

We could just leave.

I mean, you're the only reason I'm here.

And it's like nothing's even changed, you know?

Nothing ever changes, dude.

That's what I'm saying.

But I feel like things could change, you know?

I'm serious.

Like...

Your car is really badass, dude.

Yeah. It's not really my car, though.

Yes, it is. I built it for you. Thank you.

We could just get in the car,

put the flamethrower in the trunk, leave town.

Do you know how awesome it would be

if we, like, went to some small town

and went to one of the local bars, pulled up in that car?

People would be like, "Holy shit. Who are these guys?"

And we'd be like, "Come outside and take a look at our flamethrower."

Dude, I don't think you realize how cool your car is.

[engine revving]

[Aiden] I'm fucking serious, though, dude.

We could take the flamethrower and guns

and get a shitload of drugs and liquor

and put them all in the trunk and just fucking go.

[Woodrow] Oh, fuck, dude.

I, for real, feel like I'm having an anxiety attack now.

Dude, it's 'cause you're thinking about the wrong shit.

You need some better images in your mind.

Can you imagine

two sweet-ass dudes like us in that car,

traveling through the desert, across America?

We would look so fucking cool.

We would go places and park the car

where we know we look cool, hang out smoking cigarettes,

leaning against the car, looking cool

and let people look at us.

We could get fucking trashed on drugs

in the middle of nowhere

and drive 150 miles an hour, naked, down the freeway,

and hang out the windows, shooting shotguns at freeway signs

and fucking historical landmarks

and fucking jackrabbits.

Dude, we could make some jackrabbit jerky

and jackrabbit shoulder pads

for our new leather jackets.

Dude,

you're Lord Humungous.

Dude, you are fucking Lord Humungous.

You are Lord fucking Humungous!

The master of fire!

The king of the wasteland!

Lord Humungous doesn't get cheated on

by some stupid bitch.

Lord Humungous doesn't say,

"Was it good for you?"

He doesn't say, "Who called,"

or "Where were you last night?"

And he doesn't leave the fucking gang

when he falls in love.

Nobody fucking tells Lord Humungous what to do.

Lord Humungous fights when he wants to fight

and fucks when he wants to fuck,

and when all else fails,

he drives straight into the fucking tanker.

The thing is,

is that Lord Humungous

dominates his women,

and they fucking love him for it.

Seriously,

we should get out of here.

We should get away from all this shit.

Make new friends and meet people and stuff and, like...

Aiden,

I fucked up.

I fucked up. [crying]

Come here, you little fuck.

It's okay that it hurts.

Okay?

You're not the only one who fucked up.

Okay? You're getting ready to start your new life as Lord Humungous.

Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ Hear this lullaby

♪ Is it wrong to cross your eyes ♪

♪ Just know, my sweet

♪ You'll always be my baby

♪ Be my baby

♪ You'll be my baby

♪ I'll hold your soul

♪ And I'll rock you slow

♪ I'll be there when you need me ♪

♪ It's not that hard

♪ To rock you through the dark ♪

♪ Every lullaby

♪ Needs to find its night

♪ And so we send our love

♪ Into the night

♪ You're never that far

♪ You're never that far

♪ And so my love

♪ Will keep you there

♪ Oh, keep you in my heart

♪ It's not that bad

♪ Don't sleep so sad

♪ 'Cause it's not that bad

♪ So don't sleep so sad

♪♪ [humming]

[no audible dialogue]

♪♪ [humming continues]

♪♪ [ends]

[muffled gunshot]