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1
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:04,003
Good morning, everyone.
2
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:06,972
Why is she in pajamas?
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:09,008
I'm letting Candace
stay upstairs for a couple days
4
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,110
'cause of what's going on
in her apartment building.
5
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,044
Oh, thank you.
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,479
Good,
'cause if it was pajama day
7
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,914
and nobody told me,
I'd be pissed.
8
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,218
Justin, one more thing.
9
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,387
Um, I found something
out by the dumpster,
10
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:23,722
and I wanted to know
if I could keep it.
11
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,725
Leslie: Ohh! Oh!
12
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:30,696
[ High-pitched ] I'm just the cutest
little guy that's ever lived!
13
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,965
Look, that's obviously
not his voice.
14
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,720
Umm...
15
00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,071
Uh, choosing a pretend dog voice
for him is very important
16
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,707
because that's gonna be
his pretend dog voice forever.
17
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,711
Yeah, I think he's got
a bit of the Brando about him.
18
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,813
[ As Marlon Brando ]
You want me to poop outside?
19
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,550
That, I cannot do.
20
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,354
He's obviously got
a little Shepherd in him,
21
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,356
so he is German.
22
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,491
[ German accent ]
Hello, everybody.
23
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,326
Don't be fooled
24
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:04,463
by my floppy ears
and adorable snout.
25
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,300
Even though I appear friendly,
26
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,536
I have already poisoned
all of you.
27
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,572
You probably want ze antidote.
28
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,107
But guess what...
You don't get it
29
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:19,878
until I get a new collar
and some snausages.
30
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,347
Fun's over.
31
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,417
I can't have a dog
living at the bar.
32
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,518
I understand.
33
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,520
[ Normal voice ] Aww.
34
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,787
Hey, don't give up that easy.
35
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,390
Here, just put the dog down
and then walk away.
36
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,429
Justin: Okay, I know
what you're trying to do,
37
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,497
and it's not gonna work.
38
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,699
I'm not some kind of...
Guy who's...
39
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,972
Wh... [Chuckles]
What are you looking at?
40
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,040
I don't...
41
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,610
Well, you can't stay here. I...
42
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,712
Why don't you tell him
what you named him?
43
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,214
His name is mo.
44
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,216
[ Voice breaking ]
For the motor city.
45
00:01:58,385 --> 00:01:59,852
It's perfect.
46
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,188
I mean, you're like
a-a metaphor for Detroit.
47
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,256
You're...
48
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,725
You're a survivor. I...
49
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,494
Why don't you just say it?
50
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,096
All right, the dog can stay.
51
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:12,731
But, Candace, get him a dog bed.
52
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,166
He's not an animal.
53
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:20,672
[ German accent ]
And get him snausages!
54
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,146
¶ Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh ¶
55
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,615
Justin: That's right, now.
"Undateable" has a dog.
56
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,783
Danny: Yeah, just when you thought
we couldn't get any cuter.
57
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:32,785
[ Giggles ]
58
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:36,054
Hey. You got your check
for half of the rent?
59
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,257
You know,
I could mail these sometimes.
60
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,325
Oh, no.
Mailing checks is my thing.
61
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,594
I take care of the rent checks
and what we watch on TV,
62
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,630
and you do the cooking,
cleaning, laundry, shopping,
63
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,198
and nightly turndown service.
64
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,302
Uh...
65
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,407
What is our horrible neighbor
Kevin doing here?
66
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,409
[ Laughs ]
67
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,480
Sorry.
Hair's still a little wet.
68
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,882
I'm gonna quote
my favorite John Mayer song,
69
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,351
but I'm going to change
one word...
70
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,220
Your body's not a wonderland.
71
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,057
Danny, they shut off
his water and power,
72
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:15,027
so I told him that he could
use ours while you're at work.
73
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,195
You got to stop
letting everybody
74
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,229
take advantage of you, okay?
75
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:18,430
Especially this loser.
76
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,999
You know, I've been called
a lot of stuff...
77
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,601
Disgraced doctor...
78
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:23,936
Kevin...
79
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,274
"not the father"
by Maury povich...
80
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,579
"the father" by Maury povich.
81
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,550
But I have never, ever
been called a loser.
82
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,153
I'll just get out of here,
make everybody happy.
83
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,632
Hey, man, aren't you
gonna get your stuff?
84
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,767
That's how he came over.
85
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,769
Wow.
86
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,738
[ Chuckling ]
It is freezing out here.
87
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,673
You know what,
just... just borrow my coat.
88
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,575
Well, thank you very much.
89
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,211
You're a good person, Justin.
90
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,248
Danny.
91
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,488
Okay, I took mo
to the dog shelter
92
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,490
to make sure that he didn't
belong to anyone,
93
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,792
and he didn't, but they said
that I couldn't adopt him
94
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,227
until I had an interview.
95
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,363
And, I mean,
look at these questions.
96
00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,064
"Do you have a yard?"
97
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,033
Who am I... Rihanna?
98
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,471
They're never gonna let me
adopt him.
99
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,874
Just do what I do... Lie.
100
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,209
Yeah.
101
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:39,645
When I was a kid, people used to
lie to me all the time,
102
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,680
and I just promised myself
that when I grew up,
103
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,149
I wouldn't do that to anyone.
104
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:47,152
I don't even know how to lie.
105
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:51,223
Well, it sounds like
you need a teacher.
106
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:54,493
It's a pity the greatest liar
in the world lives in London.
107
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,495
Oh, really?
108
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,163
No. That was a lie, Candace.
109
00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,965
He's standing
right in front of you.
110
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:02,901
Also a lie.
111
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,504
I'm actually the second-greatest
liar in the world.
112
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,672
The first is dead.
113
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,274
A lie. He's not dead.
He's in prison... for lying.
114
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,475
Another lie.
115
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,144
Oh, he actually lives next door
to my mum in London.
116
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:13,945
[ American accent ] Lies.
I-i-i-I'm not even British.
117
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,148
I was born and raised
on a farm in Ohio.
118
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,786
[ Normal voice ] Get a notebook,
start writing this down
119
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,120
because your training's
about to start.
120
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,323
Lie! It's already begun!
121
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:30,028
British people can lie?
122
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,830
Oh, man.
I can't believe how cold it is.
123
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,165
Hey, can you feel your arms?
124
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:36,001
I can't believe you let Kevin
take your coat, man.
125
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,870
Well, maybe I just wanted
to wear the vest.
126
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:42,374
Why? Is there a Marty mcfly
look-alike contest somewhere?
127
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,445
You got to stop letting people
take advantage of you, okay?
128
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,213
Everyone doesn't
take advantage of me.
129
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,048
Candace is currently
living in your bar.
130
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,383
And what about Shelly?
131
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:52,551
He takes all the senior citizens
132
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,885
at the retirement home
that he works at
133
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,620
and they come in here,
and they don't pay for a thing.
134
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,956
Well, excuse me
for caring about old folks
135
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,991
whose families
have abandoned them.
136
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,194
They have?
137
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:05,864
Now, don't you listen to him,
Mrs. bosma.
138
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:09,101
Your daughter loves you
very much.
139
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:17,175
At least
go get your coat back, okay?
140
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:19,778
[ Chuckling ] Okay.
141
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,047
Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.
142
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,716
I didn't give Kevin my coat
to keep his body warm.
143
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,185
I did it to warm his heart.
144
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,090
See, you've read the book,
but now meet the man.
145
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,626
I am chicken soup for the soul.
146
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,398
Drink me in.
147
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,033
Let my broth warm your insides.
148
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:47,773
Yeah, I'm not a huge fan
of man-broth.
149
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,408
Yeah, me neither.
150
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,542
Lie.
151
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,282
Sorry, Danny,
but I see the good in everybody.
152
00:06:57,284 --> 00:07:00,185
And there's nothing you're gonna
say that's gonna change that.
153
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,654
Okay. Uh, you know how
I take care of the rent checks?
154
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,656
Mm-hmm.
155
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,290
And you know
how we split it 50/50?
156
00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:14,699
Why is mine for $600
and your check's for $400?
157
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:17,035
Because I've been
taking advantage of you
158
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,837
since the day we met.
159
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:21,907
You've been stealing from me?!
160
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,677
Yeah, I immediately regret
that I used that as an example.
161
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:32,951
Leslie: Sweetie, are you okay?
I'm great.
162
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,121
I'm just cutting this lime
into, uh, equal halves.
163
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,423
This looks about right, Danny,
doesn't it?
164
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,994
Oh, bro, he got you
with a math burn.
165
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,766
Also known as
"not a burn at all."
166
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,902
You should know that I've been
secretly paying you back,
167
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,472
and I've been sneaking $20s
into your pocket
168
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,706
just about every day.
169
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,774
What?
170
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,512
I just thought
I was making more tips.
171
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,683
From who?
172
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:06,718
Danny: I'm sorry.
173
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,521
But from now on,
we'll split the rent 50/50.
174
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,456
But still, that doesn't mean
you shouldn't let me have it.
175
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,124
So go ahead. Lay it on me.
All right? You ready?
176
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,226
Are you ready?
177
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:16,695
'Cause hurricane Justin
is coming.
178
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,497
Let's go live to the scene
in Detroit.
179
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,998
Yeah, hi, Pam.
180
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,835
Uh, the hurricane
is taking form.
181
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,872
There seems to be
a long-haired idiot out here
182
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,974
who doesn't think
the storm is actually coming.
183
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,742
Back to you, studio.
Back to you.
184
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:31,810
Uh, uh, hi.
185
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:34,012
Uh, this is Gary
back at the studio.
186
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,881
It looks like
a little, baby storm...
187
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,717
Probably just
some mild precipitation.
188
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:42,087
A-and the storm won't affect
a-a-anything at all.
189
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,423
Actually, Gary... You're wrong.
Yeah?
190
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:46,892
I can't hear you over the wind,
191
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,827
'cause it's...
It's really coming in strong.
192
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:52,130
Doesn't sound windy at all,
actually, from here.
193
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,099
Sounds like a nice sunny day!
194
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,568
Uh-oh. The studio's gone.
It went away.
195
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,736
'Cause there's thunder.
196
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,571
Boom! Boom!
197
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,672
It's so loud!
198
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,340
Boom! Lightning!
199
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,242
Psssh!
200
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,877
Pssssssssh!
201
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,847
Pssssssssssssh!
202
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,483
Here it comes!
203
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,689
Wh... why do people
always take advantage of me?
204
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,494
I think you just answered
your own question, man.
205
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,865
Look, this situation
is just like
206
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,133
Kevin and your coat, all right?
207
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,768
People know that if
they take advantage of you,
208
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,869
there's no ramifications.
209
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,137
That's not true.
210
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:34,372
But if it's not true,
then, uh...
211
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,607
How about this?
212
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:37,509
If I took this knife right now
and I stabbed you,
213
00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:38,610
what would you do?
214
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,145
I saw something on "dateline"
215
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,480
that says most stabbings
are a crime of passion.
216
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,549
So, to be honest,
217
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:47,018
I'd be quite flattered
that you cared that much.
218
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,690
Dude, you know what...
You're hopeless.
219
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,525
Mnh!
220
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:54,527
Haah...
221
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:55,961
Are you whimpering right now
222
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,430
because you're sad
or because I cut your finger?
223
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:01,232
The second one. Daaah!
224
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,268
Aah! Aah!
225
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,038
Could we have an ambulance?
My friend has been stabbed.
226
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,342
Oh, no, no, no.
It's just his finger.
227
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:12,410
Yeah, great.
I'll see you after lunch.
228
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:15,013
O-okay. Uh, uh, Shelly, you work
at a retirement home, right?
229
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,414
So people must get hurt
all the time there.
230
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,716
Just do what you do with them.
Go ahead.
231
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:18,718
Okay.
232
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,385
[ Shrieking ]
233
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,887
You lived a good life.
234
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,727
Now just go into that light.
235
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,961
Wha...?!
236
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,432
Danny said
Justin's gonna be fine.
237
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,201
Guess how many stitches he got.
238
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,836
Eight. Nope. Guess again.
239
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,105
Oh, this game got old fast.
240
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,443
So, now we can just focus
241
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,412
on teaching this young lady
how to lie.
242
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:50,548
Honestly, honestly,
you really never lie?
243
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,550
No.
244
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:53,418
So she's like a truth bomb.
245
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,519
Mm.
246
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,521
Game on.
247
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,821
Candace. Yeah?
248
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,790
Uh, why is burski the way he is?
249
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,191
I've always believed
250
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,994
that god has to make
some weirdos, too.
251
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,101
And boom! Truth bomb!
252
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,504
Candace, why does Brett insist
253
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,773
on making jokes
at his friends' expense?
254
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,842
Uh, growing up gay and...
255
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,044
Husky...
256
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:23,982
I think he learned to deflect
the focus off of himself
257
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,383
and onto other people.
258
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,185
Pffh.
259
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:33,124
Oh, this is much better than
your dumb stitch-guessing game.
260
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,126
Really?
261
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,627
Hey, Candace, what do you think
262
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:38,329
about an adult
who still watches cartoons?
263
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:41,132
Oh. I wouldn't call that person
an adult.
264
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,001
More of a child
who never really grew up.
265
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:44,202
[ Chuckles, snaps fingers ]
266
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,704
This game is over!
267
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:47,906
I'm an adult man.
268
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:51,042
And I'm gonna take my candy
and my sticker book
269
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,811
and be on my way.
270
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,148
Wait, I... I'm confused.
271
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,217
I thought you were
gonna teach me how to lie
272
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,452
so that I could get mo back.
273
00:12:00,454 --> 00:12:02,220
I don't have to teach you
anything.
274
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,222
[ Sighs ]
275
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,390
With that innocent,
little Disney face,
276
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,492
people will believe
anything you say.
277
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,628
I just have to convince you
to say the words.
278
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,097
Let me put it this way...
279
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,332
Who would take
better care of mo than you?
280
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,401
No one.
281
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,504
[ Voice breaking ] I already got a
dog bed that fits the both of us.
282
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,478
Hey! Leslie: Aww!
283
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,979
Hey, he's back!
284
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,781
Shelly: Hey.
285
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:30,849
Quiet down.
286
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,685
I believe Justin has a question.
287
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,856
All right, you know what...
He's actually in a lot of pain,
288
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,491
so...
289
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:42,193
Seriously, what's your question?
290
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,462
Justin, um...
291
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,365
Since Danny won't let me
shower at your house,
292
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,800
I just wanted to say
293
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:52,337
I appreciate you letting me
wash up here in the bathroom.
294
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,772
Took a little bit of work,
295
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,741
but I was finally able to
get myself to sit in the sink.
296
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,578
Daniel.
297
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,115
Are you kidding me?
298
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,618
I'm just trying
to show him some kindness.
299
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,685
Will you listen to yourself?
300
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:08,887
I mean, forget Detroit.
301
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,089
You'd get your ass kicked
on sesame street.
302
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,961
You make it impossible
for me to respect you.
303
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,364
Don't say that.
That hurts my feelings.
304
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,099
Well, what are you
gonna do about it, huh?
305
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,001
Same as always... Nothing.
306
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,908
We're following up on a 911 call
about a stabbing.
307
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,743
[ Groans ]
308
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:34,312
That was just a mistake.
Justin, tell him.
309
00:13:40,554 --> 00:13:42,053
He did it.
310
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,888
Come on, what are...
What the hell are you doing?
311
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:44,722
Book him!
312
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,324
[ Whimpers ]
313
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,227
Come on, man!
I won't last a minute in there!
314
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,829
My face is too pretty.
315
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,539
I'm just glad
they arrested a white guy.
316
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:13,117
Do you guys think Danny's gonna
be mad when he gets out of jail?
317
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,686
You did get him out.
318
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,955
Shelly: On the other hand...
319
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,257
Yeah, he's gonna kill you.
320
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,005
So...
321
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,142
How was prison?
322
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,017
Did you make any new friends?
323
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,122
I'm so sorry.
324
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,357
I knew it. I knew it!
325
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,458
If I just stood here
326
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,059
and looked at you
like that little dog,
327
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,527
I knew you'd fold and apologize.
328
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,697
Dude, I said
I didn't respect you,
329
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,733
and then I stabbed you.
330
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,237
Aren't you upset with everyone
taking advantage of you?
331
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,639
Well, what am I supposed to do,
332
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:09,574
stop believing in people? Yes!
333
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,910
Do you really think Kevin is
gonna give you back your jacket?
334
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,211
Absolutely!
335
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,812
You know,
once summer rolls around
336
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,281
and he's not so attached to it.
337
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,318
Wha... what do you want
from me, Danny?
338
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,387
Uh... You know what?
I wasn't prepared for this.
339
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,089
I...Want you
to look better in photos?
340
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:26,991
But most of all,
341
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,527
I want you to stop
seeing the good in people, okay?
342
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,896
Because most of the time,
it's just not there.
343
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,731
I will, uh, stop doing that.
344
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,034
I'll go get my jacket back
from Kevin.
345
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,002
Shelly,
I just looked out my window,
346
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:40,238
and that old woman
from the retirement home
347
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,507
is wandering
around the parking lot, naked.
348
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,275
Oh, no. Not again!
349
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,810
[ Claps ] Lie!
350
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,646
[ Gasps ] I did it!
I told my first lie!
351
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:50,815
That's a lie.
352
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,750
My first lie
was at a coffee shop.
353
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:56,354
Lie. It was at a bakery.
354
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:59,590
Lie! It was at a pizza parlor.
355
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,993
Are these all gonna be
small businesses?
356
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,163
Yeah.
357
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,864
Brett, thank you so much.
358
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,833
You're my favorite.
359
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,301
Oh, is that a lie?
360
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,903
You'll never know.
361
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,440
All right.
362
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,208
Well, I'm gonna go throw away
363
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,344
everything I stand for
to get a dog.
364
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:20,945
I feel really great.
365
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:26,384
Check us out,
just changing people's lives.
366
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,552
Feels good, doesn't it?
367
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,786
Sure does.
368
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,888
Uh... Want to do a celebratory
369
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,957
end-of-the-movie freeze-frame?
370
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:34,425
I think I do.
371
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,733
Why would you do that
to those two?
372
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:45,370
Leslie, it's rude
to talk over the credits.
373
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,271
Candace is an angel.
374
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:49,040
And why would you want Justin
375
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,042
to stop
seeing the good in people?
376
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,577
[ Scoffs ]
377
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,580
We should feel like it's a gift
that we have them in our lives.
378
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:57,281
We were just trying to help.
379
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:07,291
We have to make this quick
because I'm on my way
380
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,360
to the animal shelter
to go pick up mo...
381
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,662
By lying through my teeth.
382
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,998
Candace, I'm not gonna
let you do that.
383
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,170
Look... Before I came out,
384
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:22,974
I spent so many years
just lying...
385
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,276
To everyone, even myself.
386
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,778
That must have been really hard.
387
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,012
It was.
388
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,114
And, you know,
whether it was lying to my dad
389
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:32,617
about why I didn't want
to go to the school dance
390
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,352
or lying to my friend Toby
391
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,621
about why I wanted
to turn off the lights
392
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,289
and play my new favorite game,
393
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,591
"what part of my body is this?"
394
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,362
I was so full of crap.
395
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,064
I wasn't honest with anyone.
396
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,366
But you don't
have to do that anymore.
397
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,069
I know... because I'm happy
with who I am now.
398
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,336
Mostly.
399
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,306
Look, Candace...
400
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,942
The thing I regret most
about that time in my life
401
00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:01,479
is that I learnt to be
very, very good at lying.
402
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,116
And I still do it too much.
403
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,919
And I don't want you
to go down the same path,
404
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,755
because once you start,
it's so hard to stop.
405
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,123
[ Sighs ]
406
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,991
But what about mo?
407
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,893
Well, just because
you're too sweet to lie,
408
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,895
it doesn't mean that you don't
have some dirtbag friends
409
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,297
who won't do it for you.
410
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,335
Oh, mo!
411
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,603
Ohh! Oh.
412
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:26,771
To get the dog,
413
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,439
we had to pretend to be
a happily married couple,
414
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,142
so when he put his hand on
my butt, I couldn't take it off.
415
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:34,879
It wasn't that bad.
416
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:38,049
You left it there
when I sat down.
417
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:41,552
[ German accent ] I'm gonna go
get you so many snausages!
418
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:45,056
Ohh!
419
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:51,996
Well... I got my coat back.
420
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:54,265
Justin, we don't want you
to change.
421
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,001
Yeah. I'll never forget
when we met in college.
422
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,769
You just came up
to a lonely outsider,
423
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,505
and you said, "hey."
424
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,573
Are you stealing my bicycle?"
425
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:06,344
And we still became
the best of friends,
426
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,578
and I love you for that.
427
00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:10,615
And I love knowing that,
428
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,850
since my apartment
doesn't allow dogs,
429
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,786
you're gonna let me stay here
until I figure something out.
430
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,924
Just stay
the Justin that you are.
431
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,125
We all want that.
432
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,262
Even you, Danny?
433
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,198
You know, when I was in prison,
434
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,100
I spent a lot of time
soul-searching.
435
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,868
How long was he in there?
436
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,770
90 minutes.
437
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,605
You know what...
It actually wasn't that bad,
438
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,107
because they put me
in a cell alone
439
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:38,276
and they gave me
snacks and magazines.
440
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,747
I knew that even though
I was in there
441
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,148
that you were probably out here
442
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,117
trying to do everything
you could to get me out.
443
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,285
[ Chuckles ]
444
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,754
Well, my mom's new boyfriend
is a lawyer,
445
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:52,056
so he did do it pro bono.
446
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:54,225
I just have to
call him "dad" now.
447
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:55,593
Look, Justin,
after some thought,
448
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,161
I don't want you
to change who you are.
449
00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:58,729
And I know that that means
that people
450
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,731
are probably gonna end up
taking advantage of you,
451
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,401
but... I'll help you out
with that.
452
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,569
To be honest with you,
453
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,804
I don't know
if I can go back to who I was.
454
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,072
[ Chuckles ]
455
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:12,276
I mean, I ripped this jacket
right off Kevin's cold...
456
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,345
Oddly hairless body.
457
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,089
It's a, uh... It's a price tag.
458
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,757
You didn't go
get your jacket from Kevin.
459
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,659
It's a new jacket. Am I right?
460
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,531
What can I say?
461
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,366
You can't change me.
462
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:36,500
[ Laughs ]
463
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,002
Well, you know what?
464
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,337
I'm done trying.
465
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,404
[ Laughs ]
466
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,210
How'd they know how to do that
467
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,980
without even talking about it?!
468
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,216
You guys want to go see mo?
469
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:53,050
Yeah.
470
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,052
Yeah.
471
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:10,234
¶ J-bone and d-town
cruisin' the city ¶
472
00:21:10,236 --> 00:21:12,603
¶ brah browwww! ¶
473
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:17,041
¶ what about Shelly? ¶
474
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:20,711
¶ sorry, I forgot ya,
but you're in my heart ¶
475
00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:26,384
¶ Danny and Justin
and shellyyyyyyy ¶
476
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:27,551
¶ that's better ¶
34139
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