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1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:05,437
Wow. You drank that
really fast.
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,673
You should see me
have sex.
3
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:12,211
You are not great
at bragging.
4
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,546
That's just bursk
being bursk.
5
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,281
I've only been here
for a couple of weeks,
6
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,050
but I feel like I'm really
getting to know you guys.
7
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,919
Like, Justin,
you are an incredible boss
8
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:21,954
and a great dancer.
9
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:23,389
[ Chuckling ] Oh, please.
10
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:29,461
And, Danny, I know whenever
somebody compliments Justin,
11
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,630
you have to prove
you're better than him.
12
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,832
That's actually not true.
Do you guys want a...
13
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,467
Anybody want a pretzel?
Ohhh!
14
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,305
And, Shelly, you're magic,
15
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,875
because you
make me disappear a lot.
16
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:45,144
Oh, where did she go?!
[ Squeals ]
17
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,748
Though I don't love
18
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,230
being tied to the disappearance
of a white girl.
19
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,188
And my favorite bartender,
brick.
20
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,890
[ Laughs ]
I'm the only bartender,
21
00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,158
and it's Brett.
22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,626
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,362
I was just gonna do
a record-scratch thing, like...
24
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,832
Brick-a-brick-
a-bri-I-ck-Brett.
25
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,635
I'm really bad
with names.
26
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:12,104
I've been dating my boyfriend
for over a year,
27
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,539
and I still don't know
his friends' names.
28
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,909
That's why he gave me
the nickname dumb-dumb.
29
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,178
He sounds great.
30
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,450
I know how hard it is
to be the new kid.
31
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:27,086
I had to go to a new school
in sixth grade.
32
00:01:27,088 --> 00:01:29,021
I didn't have many friends.
33
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:30,789
It was that moment
that they all realized
34
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:34,193
that Justin had
the worst childhood ever.
35
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,494
What are you doing?
36
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:36,895
I just bought
"the wonder years" DVD box set,
37
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:40,232
so I'm doing my own voiceover
in my actual life.
38
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,968
That's insane, Danny.
Nobody wants that.
39
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,736
But they all wanted it.
40
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:49,475
It's just that nobody
had the courage to say it.
41
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:51,677
Just like
no one was telling Justin
42
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,480
that he stands
like a dancer on break.
43
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,451
Well, there's a bit
of a flaw there, Danny.
44
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:04,623
Dancers don't take breaks.
Five, six, seven, and...
45
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,097
¶ Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh ¶
46
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,232
burski:
And we're back.
47
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,566
Justin:
Just like Detroit.
48
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,088
Danny: Okay, you've
ruined comebacks.
49
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,240
'Sup, bae?
50
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,475
I dig your dump truck.
51
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,178
I'm talking
about your butt.
52
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,646
You're a pig.
53
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,148
And second of all, thanks.
I've had a rough day.
54
00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:31,650
I know another way
you could thank me.
55
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:34,853
Come over to my place
and hop on the pony.
56
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,789
If you're talking about
a real pony, I'll go.
57
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:43,662
If you're talking about
your penis, I will not.
58
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,498
Hey.
59
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,401
Guys, this is my boyfriend,
Trent.
60
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,270
He's a deejay.
61
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,071
Oh, no way.
I'm a deejay, too.
62
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,240
No, you're not.
63
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,376
Uh, I have a computer
and headphones,
64
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,444
and I know how
to jump up and down
65
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,781
and press play on iTunes, so...
66
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,584
Yeah, I'm a deejay.
67
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,555
Trent, these are my...
Okay, we're going.
68
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,557
See ya!
69
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,127
Wow. He's a total tool,
and that's coming from me,
70
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:17,529
so you know
he's got to be pretty bad.
71
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,464
Look, we... we have
to tell Candace
72
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,400
that she can do better
than Trent.
73
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,402
I actually have
an even better idea.
74
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,004
We should never tell her ever,
because if we do,
75
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,540
she's gonna want
to kill us.
76
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,075
If I were her,
I'd want to know.
77
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,376
Oh, really, Leslie?
78
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,744
Because you just loved it
when I told you that
79
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,513
your boyfriend in high school
was cheating on you.
80
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,081
Relax.
I barely hit you.
81
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,750
With your car.
82
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,688
Danny, Candace hasn't had
the greatest childhood.
83
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,291
She grew up poor, not many
friends, dad never around.
84
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,559
'Cause, you see,
when I hire people,
85
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,463
I become, well,
sort of a father figure.
86
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:56,868
Are you done?
87
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,904
Not yet, bucko.
88
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,308
I already know what kind
of father I'm gonna be.
89
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,378
A listener... check.
A teacher... check.
90
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,879
[ Chuckles ]
91
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:11,483
A hardass who doesn't
bend the rules... no check.
92
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:17,956
Then, one day, my son jj
will come in... Justin Jr....
93
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,658
And he'll walk up to me and say,
94
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,427
"hey, dad, um, do you mind
if I quit football
95
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,397
to join the school production
of 'grease'?"
96
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,268
"You're grounded if you don't."
97
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,972
That's why,
when I'm on my death bed,
98
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:37,142
my son will lean down
and say to me,
99
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,510
"daddy, I love you."
100
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,480
"But we're pulling
the plug."
101
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:44,816
My son would never
pull the plug on me.
102
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,184
I work
at a retirement home.
103
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:49,288
Trust me... he will.
104
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,461
Bye, Jake.
105
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,566
Pkkw!
106
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,369
So, how was your date?
107
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:08,507
Jake thinks
I'm a horrible kisser.
108
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,841
I've gotten that before.
109
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,510
I've also heard "too wet,"
"too much tongue,"
110
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,713
"penis out"...
Usual stuff.
111
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,016
My first foray into dating,
112
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:21,053
and... and he's gonna tell
the entire gay community
113
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:22,154
that I can't kiss.
114
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,388
Leslie:
Jake's my friend.
115
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,057
Calm down.
He's not gonna say anything.
116
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:25,957
[ Cellphone chimes ]
117
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:26,959
That's him, isn't it,
118
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,660
telling you how bad I was,
isn't it?
119
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,662
It is him, but it's just
an emoji of a kissy face.
120
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,530
Okay.
121
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:36,768
Followed by #I'mstraightnow.
122
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:45,310
Guys, guys, it's time
to tell Candace about Trent.
123
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:46,912
All right, shell,
you're our hug guy.
124
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,814
I need you
to have one ready.
125
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:51,616
I always keep one
in the chamber.
126
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:55,153
All right, let's do this.
Come on.
127
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,221
[ Sighs ]
128
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,923
Candace.
129
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,991
I think I might know
what this is about.
130
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,461
I am very sorry
that I slapped that customer.
131
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,863
I didn't know sex on a beach
was a drink.
132
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:12,437
Candace, listen,
Trent hit on Leslie.
133
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,606
He's not a good guy.
134
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,976
Wow.
135
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,878
You're a jerk.
136
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,582
I mean, who asked you guys,
anyways?
137
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:26,151
The answer was no one.
138
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:28,587
No one had asked.
139
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,855
Yeah, Trent is a flirt,
140
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,790
but he never does
anything about it.
141
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:35,327
Danny was wise to stay out
of Candace's personal affair.
142
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,796
Yeah.
Danny's voiceover is right.
143
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,867
I mean, you don't see me
judging your lives!
144
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:44,236
Leslie,
I didn't say anything
145
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,705
when you ordered
a pitcher of wine.
146
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,907
Sangria comes
in pitchers.
147
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,277
Putting an old orange peel
into your wine
148
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:57,082
doesn't make it sangria.
149
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,618
And you... I thought
we were becoming friends,
150
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:02,020
but I should have known
from your nice khakis.
151
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,356
My mom said
never to trust rich people.
152
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,558
[ Laughing ]
153
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,964
Thank you for not sticking
your nose in my business.
154
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,566
You're welcome, Candace.
155
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,102
don't you dare
do a voiceover.
156
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,672
But Danny had to dare.
157
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,212
Oh, hey, if you're brewing tea,
don't bother.
158
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,447
Your stuffed animals called
159
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:31,216
and said
they can't make the party.
160
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,252
[ Knock on door ]
161
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,987
Oh, that's Candace.
162
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,722
She's coming over
to talk.
163
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:40,826
I assume it's to apologize,
so I brewed some tea.
164
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,094
Oh.
165
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,030
Justin.
166
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:48,266
Danny, can I talk to you
about something?
167
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,134
Oh, sure.
168
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,335
I just made us some tea.
169
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,837
Justin: What?
170
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,972
Oh, you made the tea?
That's interesting.
171
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:54,873
What flavor is it?
172
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,809
Fancy time.
173
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,344
Okay.
174
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,512
I'll be in the kitchen.
175
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:03,181
Sit down. Come on.
176
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,483
Uh...
177
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,119
Aah! Aah!
178
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,458
A-anyway...
179
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,460
I wanted to talk to you
about Trent.
180
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,262
I mean,
if I'm being honest,
181
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,831
Trent hasn't been
the best boyfriend lately.
182
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,901
He kind of, like, ignores me
when we're around his friends,
183
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:28,707
and sometimes I think that
he's just... embarrassed of me.
184
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,208
You know, if you want,
185
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:33,612
we could stop talking about
all this Trent stuff.
186
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,947
You know, lately, I feel like
he's been using me.
187
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:40,185
Oh, good.
You want to keep going.
188
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,922
He borrows money,
and he doesn't pay me back.
189
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,323
Do you think
I'm doing the right thing
190
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:46,558
sticking with him?
191
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,059
No!
192
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,195
I'm... I'm sorry.
I wasn't eavesdropping.
193
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,064
I was... I just realized
I forgot to dvr "scandal."
194
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,165
No! No!
195
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,034
No!
Hey, hey.
196
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,370
You could just
watch it online.
197
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:01,673
It's not the same,
Daniel!
198
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,744
Come on, Danny.
I really trust you.
199
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:08,380
What do you think I should do
about the Trent thing?
200
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,514
You're a big girl,
201
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,782
and I think
that you'll make
202
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,284
the right decision
for yourself, huh?
203
00:09:12,286 --> 00:09:13,752
[ Chuckles ]
Okay.
204
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,420
Oh, thank you, Danny.
205
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,122
You're gonna be
a great dad someday.
206
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,456
Uh, well, you know,
207
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:22,227
I don't remember three days
in Spain, so I might be.
208
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,965
Leslie: Good news.
I fixed things with Jake.
209
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,833
Did you tell him
not to say anything?
210
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:29,768
No.
211
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,069
I said
that you were nervous
212
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,704
and to give you
another shot tomorrow.
213
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:34,906
How is this gonna
be better by tomorrow?
214
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:39,844
Oh, calm down,
my little cadbury's cream puff.
215
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,348
We just need to see
what you're working with.
216
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,683
How?
217
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,686
Come on, Brett.
Let's dance.
218
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,259
Oh, sweetie.
219
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,094
That was awful.
220
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,866
I can fix it.
don't worry.
221
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,301
I happen to be
an excellent kisser.
222
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,737
It's true.
223
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:06,938
You can ask
any of his old girlfriends
224
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,240
or his childhood
miss piggy doll.
225
00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:13,645
I made that piggy squeal.
226
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:19,117
And I made the frog watch.
227
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:25,323
Well, I hope
you're proud of yourself.
228
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:28,693
Uh, yeah, I am.
But what are we talking about?
229
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,662
Candace gave Danny
the perfect opportunity
230
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,097
to end
this whole Trent thing.
231
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,299
And guess what he did.
Nothing.
232
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,968
You're just pissed because she
chose me as the father figure.
233
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,771
Maybe she did.
We're still a family.
234
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,506
Guess that makes me
the concerned big brother.
235
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:44,843
That's such a weird thing
for the overbearing mom to say.
236
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:48,446
Mom, can you make me
some pizza rolls?
237
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,681
Not now, Shelly.
238
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,163
Plus, you already
had your snack.
239
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,219
Candace is such
a good girl.
240
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,253
If you had an opportunity
241
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,621
to help her get rid
of that loser,
242
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,190
why wouldn't you
do that?
243
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,692
[ Sighs ]
244
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,727
[ Sighs ]
245
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,263
Oh,
and it was right then
246
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:09,801
that Danny realized
he had made a huge mistake.
247
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,870
What the hell
are you doing?
248
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,405
Well, you're not the only
one who can do voiceover.
249
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:16,374
But Justin realized
that Danny was the only one
250
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,809
who can do voiceover.
251
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,778
"If you wanted a voiceover
battle, you found one,"
252
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,146
Justin thought.
253
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,348
"You want to know what
I think of your voiceover?"
254
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,849
Danny thought.
255
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,852
"I'm not having this
conversation," Justin thought.
256
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,856
"Conversation, smonversation,"
Danny thought.
257
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,858
"'Smonversation'
isn't a word,
258
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,326
and even if it was,
259
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,196
Danny was too dumb
to spell it," Justin thought.
260
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:43,668
"S-m... o... n-v...
261
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:49,874
E-r... s-a-t-I-o-n,"
Danny thought.
262
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,246
All right, look,
263
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,948
so Trent treats Candace
like crap.
264
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,516
Whatever, dude.
You know what?
265
00:11:58,518 --> 00:11:59,818
She's a big girl, okay?
266
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,386
She can decide on her own
what to do.
267
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,088
Bye, baby.
268
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,223
So, I've been thinking
about our talk,
269
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,525
and Trent hasn't
been making me feel
270
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,160
very good
about myself lately,
271
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,429
but do you know
whose fault that is?
272
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:14,432
Is it Trent?
273
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,834
Mine.
274
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,335
I haven't been all-in
on this relationship.
275
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,370
You were right.
I'm a big girl.
276
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:22,240
So I'm gonna let Trent
move in with me.
277
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,610
Thank you, Danny.
278
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,812
Anytime.
279
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,548
That is such
a stupid decision.
280
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:31,683
Why did she make that?
281
00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:33,985
Well, she's young.
[ Scoffs ]
282
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,887
What's your excuse?
283
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:39,324
Ooooh. Ooooh.
284
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,800
Hey, look, if I admit that
I maybe messed up with Candace,
285
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:52,837
could you maybe not make it seem
like I changed as a person?
286
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,808
I'm sorry.
Have we met?
287
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,645
'Cause, I mean, you
look exactly like my
friend Danny Burton,
288
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,313
but you're acting
nothing like him.
289
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,183
I love this.
Let's go.
290
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,117
Let's fix this.
291
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,119
Oh, that's weird.
292
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,257
That was even worse!
293
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:15,160
It's like your teeth are
somehow in front of your lips.
294
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,895
[ Sighs ]
295
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:17,662
Try again.
296
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:18,997
This is never gonna work.
297
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,432
Before I came out,
I kissed loads of girls,
298
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,535
and that's probably why
I suck at this.
299
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,703
My kissing style
is designed
300
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:28,873
to make people
want to stop kissing me.
301
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:29,808
Enough.
302
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,543
I-I don't want
to kiss girls,
303
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:35,480
and, to be honest,
I didn't want to kiss Jake.
304
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,781
But that's it!
305
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,517
It didn't work
with those other people
306
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,820
because you weren't
emotionally invested.
307
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,922
You're a romantic.
You need to care.
308
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,824
What are you
talking about?
309
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,626
Now, I want you to imagine
your perfect man.
310
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,061
Well, that's easy.
311
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,896
That's Zac efron's abs,
Bradley Cooper's eyes,
312
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:54,032
Colin Farrell's accent,
Matt Damon's chin,
313
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,700
Matthew McConaughey's smile,
314
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:58,269
and the everything else
of Michael Fassbender.
315
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:05,043
I call him
za-Brad-co mc-Damon-bender.
316
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,812
Well, I want you
to close your eyes
317
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,748
and imagine
he's right in front of you.
318
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,617
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
319
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,018
Do you see him?
320
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:14,919
Oh, yeah.
321
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:15,820
He, uh...
322
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:19,624
He's just over there
in the field.
323
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,192
Chopping wood.
324
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,863
Okay, now. Just remember,
it's not just superficial.
325
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:28,199
You know, he takes care of you,
he respects you.
326
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:33,905
Now, I want you to just lean in
and kiss that man.
327
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,717
How committed are you
to your homosexuality?
328
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,921
Yes!
I did it! I can kiss!
329
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,055
[ Laughs ]
330
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:57,195
Shelly! Shelly!
331
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,800
Hi, guys.
Welcome to my castle.
332
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,073
I don't like her
living like this.
333
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,044
Uh, Candace,
your mother and I
334
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,213
would like a word
with you.
335
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,383
Okay, I'm just making room
for Trent's turntables.
336
00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,184
Danny,
lay it on her, please.
337
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,519
All right, um...
338
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,822
Candace, can you sit down
for a sec?
339
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,894
Um...
340
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:35,733
About Trent...
You know, some guys in life...
341
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,970
Are not... great.
342
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,810
The end.
343
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,579
Candace, listen.
What Danny is trying to say...
344
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,747
Well, there's no...
345
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,649
No, no,
just give me a second.
346
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,517
Okay.
347
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,852
If you could just...
348
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:05,763
Listen, what Danny
is trying to say is...
349
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,098
[ Sighs ]
350
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,634
We're worried about
you and this Trent boy.
351
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,501
[ Sighs ]
352
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:11,703
Sorry.
353
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:13,304
Look, uh...
354
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,540
Your mother and I
are never gonna tell you
355
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,041
who you can
and cannot date.
356
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:19,577
Well, I mean, I'd like him
to have a college education.
357
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,512
Yeah, but sometimes
it's actually better
358
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,880
for him to learn a trade,
359
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,315
because magic Mike didn't
have a college education
360
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,351
but he seemed to do
pretty well for himself, okay?
361
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,752
He was a stripper.
362
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,722
Yeah, he... he also
built furniture.
363
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:33,191
Stripping
funded his dream.
364
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,360
There are other ways
to fund your dreams
365
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:39,197
besides taking
your clothes off.
Name one!
366
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,365
Paralegal!
367
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,633
Mike... magic Mike could
have been a paralegal.
368
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,335
He could have worked
at a law firm.
369
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,237
Then he wouldn't
have to get naked
370
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,905
and start
slapping his thing
371
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:51,309
on lonely middle-aged women's
faces every night.
372
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:56,547
I-I feel like you watched
a different movie.
373
00:16:56,549 --> 00:17:00,918
Well, then I must have watched
a different movie 10 times.
374
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,790
Candace,
the point is...
375
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,826
Trent's not
a good guy.
376
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,528
[ Sighing ] Oh, great.
377
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,830
[ Grunts ]
378
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,399
You're turning on me, too?
379
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,467
[ Both grunt ]
380
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,873
I know that I've...
I've only known you
381
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,041
for a few weeks now,
382
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,642
but I can say
with absolute confidence
383
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,044
that you're
a great person.
384
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,479
Trent
doesn't deserve you.
385
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:31,049
Look,
you guys don't get it.
386
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,718
I grew up
completely alone.
387
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,952
My dad left.
388
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,155
My mom was just
struggling to get by.
389
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,190
And, yeah,
Trent's not perfect,
390
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:42,193
but at least he's
always there for me, you know?
391
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,797
Yeah, I-I know.
I-I get that.
392
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,098
I also know
what it means
393
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,032
to have people
that are there for you.
394
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:52,336
Bring it home, Danny.
395
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,939
You don't need
people like Trent
396
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,542
in your life
anymore because...
397
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:58,910
You have us now.
398
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:02,280
We should probably go
399
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,802
before your mother starts
getting all emotional.
400
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:11,489
Hearing you...
401
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,891
Talk like this...
402
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,595
It's like I'm meeting you
for the first time
403
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,997
all over again.
404
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:26,838
All right.
I'll s-s-see you later.
405
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:41,018
Hey. You wanted to talk,
dumb-dumb?
406
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,287
Yeah, uh,
thank you for coming.
407
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,756
I wanted
to tell you something.
408
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,626
Um...
409
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,527
I love you.
410
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:50,361
[ All groan ]
411
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,697
Candace!
Come on!
412
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,566
Uh, but somebody
I really trust
413
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:58,236
said that
I could do better.
414
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,272
Oh, that was me.
415
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:04,308
And somebody else
got really emotional.
416
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,612
That... that was...
We know.
417
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:10,715
These guys have
just shown me
418
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,151
what being cared about
really looks like.
419
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:15,653
And I just don't
really get that from you,
420
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,022
so, um, we're done.
421
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,323
Whatevskis.
422
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,326
You wouldn't last a day
in Detroit alone.
423
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,828
You're too weak.
424
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,062
You know what?
425
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,732
You can call me
a lot of things.
426
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:31,269
Overly optimistic,
too nice...
427
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,139
Bad at lists.
428
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,409
But I am not weak.
429
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,978
Yeah.
She's not alone, bro.
430
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,815
Yeah. She has
very strong friends.
431
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:47,718
Not him. He's talking about
other friends that are strong.
432
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:52,056
Friends that already
don't like you.
433
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:58,696
Yeah. Friends who think
that maybe you're the dumb-dumb.
434
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,265
So, why don't you
get out of here, loser?
435
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,702
Break-up selfie.
436
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,213
You're the best.
437
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,682
I still got that hug
in the chamber.
438
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,383
Aww.
439
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,385
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait! Guys!
440
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,154
Um, Danny,
can I ask you a favor?
441
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:25,122
Sure.
442
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,404
Oh, yeah. No problem.
443
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,627
[ Giggles ]
444
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,863
And it was in that moment
that Candace realized...
445
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:37,134
That not only were
these people her friends,
446
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,837
they were her family now.
447
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,275
I'm sorry, Jake,
but if we go out,
448
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,177
it's gonna lead
to more kissing,
449
00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:48,246
and I assure you
that's gonna suck.
450
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:52,149
Unless you're okay
with me imagining you
451
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:55,219
as za-Brad-co
mc-Damon-bender.
452
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,455
No, I'm cool with that.
453
00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:01,859
Since we started talking, you've
been lebron-Anderson Cooper.
454
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:07,465
My dream guy is a combo
of Taylor kitsch, taye diggs,
455
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:10,635
Ben affleck, Ryan gosling,
and Chris hemsworth.
456
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,337
Ooh.
Tay-tay bengoslingworth.
457
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:16,574
Mine's Leslie Burton.
458
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:18,776
Aww.
That's just my whole name.
459
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,012
It's a combo
between you and Danny.
460
00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:22,214
All right, uh...
32651
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