Original subtitles

Mama, my Pia.

All right, great. No more songs now. Just one more song, Johnny. One more

No, no, no. That's enough. Now, if you want any more, you're going to have to

pay.

I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I want all you mothers to enjoy your day here

the studio watching your kids work.

All right? I got to run. Bye -bye now. Okay.

All right. Okay.

Oh, boy.

You must be so proud of your son, Mrs. Bama.

Yes, yes. But I wish he didn't leave his boxing shorts all bowled up in the

kitchen.

What is it with this now?

Hey, hey, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. What? I just met this girl at

studio next door, and we're going out tonight.

Oh, good. And get this, get this.

She's got a sister.

No. No, Sal. Forget it. No, no, no.

I've been out on your monkey double dates before.

They spend the entire evening trying to pick bugs out of my hair. Oh, come on,

come on, Johnny. Just meet them. No, absolutely not.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Here they come. Here they come. They're right here.

No, I refuse. I told you, I'm not going. Turn around.

Hi, Johnny. Hey, hey, hey.

I'm Paige Hannah. This is my sister, Daryl. Yeah.

Huh? Hi, Johnny.

Nice to meet you. My grandma Lottie has one of your albums. There you go.

I'm sorry.

What is he saying?

Oh, he's just saying Hannah, Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. You know, so like he

forget your name.

No, no, Hannah, Hannah.

Less of the M sound, more of the N.

Hannah. Hey, Johnny, let's take him back to your place. We'll have to place our

dogs since Ma is here with the cronies all day.

All right.

Hey, shall we? Thank you.

Johnny, I'm coming through. Gone on a date with the Hannah sisters.

Okay.

All right.

Take a load off your feet, wipe the look off your face. We've got a lot to do

and we do it for you.

Everybody take your place.

true story of five Muppets picked to live in a house and have their lives

to find out what happens when Muppets stop being polite and start being real.

The real world Muppets.

I'm a songwriter, but I can't work in a vacuum because a vacuum has nothing.

And I need something to react to.

And what's the opposite of vacuum?

Am I making any sense?

Darcy is the product of homeschooling.

Problem is, she was raised by wolves.

Stupid, illiterate, permissive wolves.

People say my songs bring out the childlike quality in others.

Yeah, because when she sings, you want to spit up and wet yourself.

When I sing my song, I'm at my most sensitive and vulnerable.

I hate men.

I hate men.

I'm meant to die.

Death to a man.

I hate rats, too.

So, what'd you think?

What could we do? We had to tell her a song was great. She threatened to read

her poetry.

Bears are killers.

Killers of sheep.

Killers of Bambi.

Bears should all die.

Kill.

Kill them.

So, what do you think?

It's a little one -sided.

So, because I'm a woman, I'm not supposed to express my opinions?

It's easier to dance to.

Oh, that's more like it.

Oh, good. Will you give me the keys to the fridge now, Darcy?

Well, I want you to hear my piercing song.

My roommate decided to confront me about my somewhat aggressive behavior.

I'm glad we talked it out, like all good roommates who came to a compromise.

We hate angry women who write songs for eight men and who were raised by wolves.

Wow!

You know, this show... It reminds me of a 25 -cent cigar.

Oh, yeah? Why is that?

Because it's cheap and it stinks.

Duh!

Sweet dreams.

Excuse me, excuse me. Yeah? Yes, I'm looking for my son.

Can you help me? Yes, yes. What is your name?

I'm Belle, the bubble mom.

Bubbles come out of my head.

Ooh,

isn't that lovely? And your son's name?

Never mind.

I'll find him myself.

You look just like Big Mean Carl.

Well, he's my son.

I'm Tyler, the Big Mean Mom.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to eat you, too.

Thank you!

All right, people, get ready to cue the village spiders.

And when he was just a little baby, he used to get... so upset, so I just put a

couple of shots of espresso in his baby bottle. Calm him right down.

Can you dig it, Mama?

Mama, how dare you embarrass me with stories about when I was little when you

can see that I have a show to run here.

Here you go, son.

A nice cup of mocha almond rocaccino. Thanks, Mom.

Okay, cue the village spiders.

Okay, bring it over, bring it over. Come on.

The lights hit the spiders in a certain way. They look flat.

But you know you're not dreaming, signore.

Truth's on me, but you'll see back in old Napoli. That's amore.

That's amore. Everyone, that's amore.

Beautiful. Well done. Thank you kindly.

That was great, Sal.

Oh, thank you. Never had a lesson. Can't read a lick of music. That's amazing.

Well, thank you very much.

Just an accordion.

So, uh, isn't this fun? We're out on a date at my house.

And a home -cooked meal to boot?

Speaking of boots, this meat's really tough. Oh, no, that's not the meat.

the raviola.

It's amazing how you decorated this place. I never knew there were so many

saints. Oh, that ain't the half of it, dear.

You should see Ma's room. It's like walking into the 16th chapel.

You live with your mother? Yeah, yeah. Johnny's been living with his Ma, let me

think, for about three, four, ever since he was born. Yeah.

You're kidding.

That sounds like kind of an unhealthy situation.

Oh, no, no. Ma keeps it very clean. Very clean.

I mean, psychologically.

No, no. She remembers everything, my mother.

You really sound like you're in denial.

No, no, I'm not. She remembers... Oh.

Oh, I... I understand.

No, no, no. You see, I've been living with Ma because, well, you know, she's

old. She's very, very frail. Very weak.

Ma,

what happened to your frailness? You got very strong all of a sudden.

What are you doing here?

Me? What are you doing here with those two tomatoes?

No, Mrs. Fiamma, you got it all wrong.

This is Paige and Daryl Hannah.

I know who they are. I see them in the films. All the things they do to those

boys. Look, Mrs. Fiamma, that's just play acting.

Ma, now, now, now, put down that frying pan this instant.

I love you.

I love you. Now, now, don't you be putting evil eye on these girls. They

nothing to do with anything.

Oh, dear, you hurt innocent little monkey.

Don't you listen to me.

She's crazy. Let's get out of here before she kills us.

Out of my house.

That's it, Ma.

That's it. I've had it up to here. That's the last straw.

And you know what?

You're in denial.

Not me.

And I'm moving out of this house. Wait, Johnny. Is something wrong?

You're crazy.

That's what's wrong.

And I'm never coming back, Ma.

Never coming back.

Oh, wait. Wait, Johnny.

Oh, my Johnny.

And you know what else?

A great walk away.

And now it's time for another episode of Tales from the Deck.

You!

Welcome to another blood -chewing installment of Tales from the Deck!

Mops, turn down the echo.

Oh,

yes, I remember.

It was earlier today.

So you say that this echo machine will enhance the scariness of the show?

Really? I don't know. Let me think about it for a moment.

What do you mean we have to do another dissolve before I can get back to the

show?

Didn't the clock accomplish that?

Costume. Oh, yes, yes, all right, all right, all right. I don't want to spend

all day arguing about it. Just go and dissolve.

Oh, now, where was I?

Oh, yes, there was an explosion, and then mulch flew high into the air.

Okay, now I know where I was.

is fractured, I'll just replace the part you're still under warranty on.

What's your language, though?

What, did your mother raise you in a sewer?

Randy,

take your mom to work. Days are getting too many. Hey, what the... Whose laundry

is this?

Oh, that's mine, Clifford. What?

Yeah, well, I find that the heat of the control room and the steam from Nigel's

cappuccino provides a beautiful drying environment.

But, Johnny, why can't you do it at home?

Well, I've made a decision to move out of Ma's home, Clifford.

I'm living here now.

I won't be in anybody's way.

Clifford, Clifford, Clifford, what's going on?

Oh, that's just my toaster there, Nigel. It happens sometimes. Sorry, everybody.

Oh, man, could things get any worse?

Johnny P .M. is a ma.

Coming through. Make a way for me, Johnny P .M. is a ma.

Sal, what are you doing?

I'm not a Sal.

I'm a your ma, Johnny. And I was wrong, and you were right, and I want you home

right now.

Sal. Yeah, Johnny?

Listen, I appreciate your very sweet but very weird gesture, but I

just want to be alone right now, huh? Just me and my thoughts. Well, excuse

All right.

Gee, I wonder how Ma's doing.

I hope I didn't hurt her feelings.

You know, Sal's calves were sure looking shapely today.

I wonder if he's working out.

Boy, Johnny sure is, Dad.

There has to be some way I can get him and Mama back together again.

Gee, these support hoes sure do make my calves look shapely.

Pete's working out.

Did I just say that out loud?

Starring David Hodgelhoff as Champ Schwimmer.

Spamala Henderson as Spamala.

And Andy and Randy Pig as Donnie and Art C. Schell.

Gosh, Champ, sure it's well of you to give me this three -hour tour of the

Whoa, no problemo, Spamala.

I'm not sure about the weather, though. It seems to be getting a little rough.

Oh, it is?

Hit it, guys.

Our tiny ship is being tossed.

It's a storm.

Oh, well, you should hold on tightly to me. If not for

the courage of the fearless, to me, our motor could be lost.

Quit the motor!

That'll be next stop, Desert Isle.

You know, This show reminds me of a glass of expensive brandy. Why is that?

Because it's old and it makes my head hurt.

Are you sure Johnny wrote this letter to me? Yeah, yeah, every word.

But I can read this monkey scratch. I'll read it for you.

Dear Ma, I'm so sorry I got sore at you and moved out.

I feel worse than having a whole bunch of fleas and ticks.

or eaten a bunch of green bananas.

What does that mean?

Oh, it means Johnny feels real bad.

Please come down to the studio so you and Johnny can make up. Love, Johnny.

Oh, P .S. P .S. If I, Johnny, didn't write this, may I get struck by

lightning.

Are you okay, little monkey?

Yeah. I gotta get down to the studio now, Mrs.

Fiamma. Oh, boy.

Dude, this looks like you're writing, Sal.

Oh, she dictated it to me. She was so broken up, she couldn't even write.

Really? Yeah.

Dear Johnny, I'm so sad about what happened and you moving out.

I feel like I fell out of a hundred -foot coconut tree and got beat up by a

bunch of orangutans who were mad because I stole their green bananas.

That's terrible.

Well, you're telling me.

I'm coming to the studio to make nice, and please give Sal a raise.

Love, Mama.

P .S. If Mama didn't write this, may I be... Oh, you know what, Johnny? Don't

read that part.

Oh, all right. Well, I can't anyway. It's monkey scratch.

Monkey scratch? What do you mean? Look at me. I can read it.

And P .S. If I, Mama, didn't write this, may I be swallowed whole by the earth.

Oops.

I wonder what Mama meant by utes.

Okay, stand by to cue the next sketch, and can somebody get me a... Oh, no, no,

no, no. Not another mocha -coca -cappuccino.

I'm sick of getting those.

No, actually, I just wanted a hug.

Forget that.

I'd rather get a coffee.

Works every time.

It is time now for politics and punditry from the Eagle's Nest. I'm your host,

Sam Eagle, and our topic today is balancing the federal budget.

Andy and Randy, how would you do it? I'm not really have to go to the bathroom.

We're in the middle of a show.

But I really have to go.

All right, all right, all right. Go, go, go, go.

And how would you balance the budget, Andy Pig?

Oh, I'm not Andy. I'm Randy.

I'll go get him.

Colby Roberts doesn't do this to David Brinkley. All right, let's move on. Mr.

Burrowpan, now, how would you balance the budget?

Well, Mr. Eagle, I balance my budgie on my finger.

Not budgie, you buffoon. Budget.

I'm a little budgie. Mr. Eagle, Mr. Eagle Birdman, the bathroom door is

Well, you just have to wait. Yeah, we both gotta go now. I told you to cut

on your lemonade consumption.

Bobo the Bear, balancing the budget, what say you?

Well, as I see it, Sam, Congress has to make across -the -board bipartisan

spending cuts, approve a short -term middle -class tax cut, and incorporate

sunset and reauthorization provisions in all the new appropriations.

That is astounding.

How did you come up with that?

Oh, well, a little birdie told me.

Hey, where's my budgie?

I don't know.

Join us next week when our topic will be endangered species.

Oh, great, I'm starved.

Ma?

Johnny.

Ma, what are you doing up so late, huh? Oh, I came to sleep.

Listen, Ma.

I...

I hope you understand that, oh, I feel that... I'm your mama, Johnny, I

understand. Here, sit down, eh?

All right.

Oh, Johnny, remember this picture, the first time you sang that song to me?

Yeah. Sing it again, eh?

Right now, Ma?

It's kind of late, eh?

Oh, come on, do what I like, just for me.

All right for you, Ma.

You and me against the world.

Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world.

When all the others turn their backs and walk away, you can

count on me to stay.

Remember.

When the circus came to town And you were

frightened by the clown Wasn't it nice

to be around Someone that you knew Someone who

was big and strong And looking out for you And

me against the world sometimes it feels

like you and me against the world and

for all the times we've cried I always felt that God was

on our side and when one

of us is gone

One of us is left to carry on Then

remembering we'll have to do Our memories alone

will get us through Think about the days

of me and you

Against the world.

I love you, Ma.

I love you, Johnny.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up.

Huh?

Ma's sleeping over here.

Oh.

Hey, uh...

Where you been, huh?

I've been to the center of the earth and back for you two.

Ah, that's my stinky little monkey.

Well, I'm fine, Mrs. Fiamma. And thanks again for renting me this room.

Oh, I can't believe I got a great singer like Johnny Mathis living with me.

Are you sure your son's going to be okay at the YMCA?

Oh, he's just fine.

Now, sing me that song, Johnny. The one I like just for me.

Oh.

Chances are Cause I wear a silly grin The

moment you come into view No, no, no, no, Johnny, not that song.

Sing a misty for me.

Okay, but after that, I'm off to bed.

Look at me I'm as helpless as a kitten

up a tree And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud

I can't understand.

I get misty just holding your hand.

Oh, slumber party.

I could get my nightgown on. Excuse me.

Hey,

look. Oh, birdies. Birdies. Birdies. Look at that.

To the village spiders.

I

feel

worse than having a whole bunch of flicks and tees. Flicks and tees? Excuse

Flicks and tees.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0