All language subtitles for Muppets Tonight s02e12 Daryl Hannah, Johnny Mathis.eng

Mama, my Pia.

All right, great. No more songs now.
Just one more song, Johnny. One more

No, no, no. That's enough. Now, if you
want any more, you're going to have to

pay.

I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I want
all you mothers to enjoy your day here

the studio watching your kids work.

All right? I got to run. Bye -bye now.
Okay.

All right. Okay.

Oh, boy.

You must be so proud of your son, Mrs.
Bama.

Yes, yes. But I wish he didn't leave his
boxing shorts all bowled up in the

kitchen.

What is it with this now?

Hey, hey, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny,
Johnny. What? I just met this girl at

studio next door, and we're going out
tonight.

Oh, good. And get this, get this.

She's got a sister.

No. No, Sal. Forget it. No, no, no.

I've been out on your monkey double
dates before.

They spend the entire evening trying to
pick bugs out of my hair. Oh, come on,

come on, Johnny. Just meet them. No,
absolutely not.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Here they come. Here
they come. They're right here.

No, I refuse. I told you, I'm not going.
Turn around.

Hi, Johnny. Hey, hey, hey.

I'm Paige Hannah. This is my sister,
Daryl. Yeah.

Huh? Hi, Johnny.

Nice to meet you. My grandma Lottie has
one of your albums. There you go.

I'm sorry.

What is he saying?

Oh, he's just saying Hannah, Hannah,
Hannah, Hannah. You know, so like he

forget your name.

No, no, Hannah, Hannah.

Less of the M sound, more of the N.

Hannah. Hey, Johnny, let's take him back
to your place. We'll have to place our

dogs since Ma is here with the cronies
all day.

All right.

Hey, shall we? Thank you.

Johnny, I'm coming through. Gone on a
date with the Hannah sisters.

Okay.

All right.

Take a load off your feet, wipe the look
off your face. We've got a lot to do

and we do it for you.

Everybody take your place.

true story of five Muppets picked to
live in a house and have their lives

to find out what happens when Muppets
stop being polite and start being real.

The real world Muppets.

I'm a songwriter, but I can't work in a
vacuum because a vacuum has nothing.

And I need something to react to.

And what's the opposite of vacuum?

Am I making any sense?

Darcy is the product of homeschooling.

Problem is, she was raised by wolves.

Stupid, illiterate, permissive wolves.

People say my songs bring out the
childlike quality in others.

Yeah, because when she sings, you want
to spit up and wet yourself.

When I sing my song, I'm at my most
sensitive and vulnerable.

I hate men.

I hate men.

I'm meant to die.

Death to a man.

I hate rats, too.

So, what'd you think?

What could we do? We had to tell her a
song was great. She threatened to read

her poetry.

Bears are killers.

Killers of sheep.

Killers of Bambi.

Bears should all die.

Kill.

Kill them.

So, what do you think?

It's a little one -sided.

So, because I'm a woman, I'm not
supposed to express my opinions?

It's easier to dance to.

Oh, that's more like it.

Oh, good. Will you give me the keys to
the fridge now, Darcy?

Well, I want you to hear my piercing
song.

My roommate decided to confront me about
my somewhat aggressive behavior.

I'm glad we talked it out, like all good
roommates who came to a compromise.

We hate angry women who write songs for
eight men and who were raised by wolves.

Wow!

You know, this show... It reminds me of
a 25 -cent cigar.

Oh, yeah? Why is that?

Because it's cheap and it stinks.

Duh!

Sweet dreams.

Excuse me, excuse me. Yeah? Yes, I'm
looking for my son.

Can you help me? Yes, yes. What is your
name?

I'm Belle, the bubble mom.

Bubbles come out of my head.

Ooh,

isn't that lovely? And your son's name?

Never mind.

I'll find him myself.

You look just like Big Mean Carl.

Well, he's my son.

I'm Tyler, the Big Mean Mom.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to eat you, too.

Thank you!

All right, people, get ready to cue the
village spiders.

And when he was just a little baby, he
used to get... so upset, so I just put a

couple of shots of espresso in his baby
bottle. Calm him right down.

Can you dig it, Mama?

Mama, how dare you embarrass me with
stories about when I was little when you

can see that I have a show to run here.

Here you go, son.

A nice cup of mocha almond rocaccino.
Thanks, Mom.

Okay, cue the village spiders.

Okay, bring it over, bring it over. Come
on.

The lights hit the spiders in a certain
way. They look flat.

But you know you're not dreaming,
signore.

Truth's on me, but you'll see back in
old Napoli. That's amore.

That's amore. Everyone, that's amore.

Beautiful. Well done. Thank you kindly.

That was great, Sal.

Oh, thank you. Never had a lesson. Can't
read a lick of music. That's amazing.

Well, thank you very much.

Just an accordion.

So, uh, isn't this fun? We're out on a
date at my house.

And a home -cooked meal to boot?

Speaking of boots, this meat's really
tough. Oh, no, that's not the meat.

the raviola.

It's amazing how you decorated this
place. I never knew there were so many

saints. Oh, that ain't the half of it,
dear.

You should see Ma's room. It's like
walking into the 16th chapel.

You live with your mother? Yeah, yeah.
Johnny's been living with his Ma, let me

think, for about three, four, ever since
he was born. Yeah.

You're kidding.

That sounds like kind of an unhealthy
situation.

Oh, no, no. Ma keeps it very clean. Very
clean.

I mean, psychologically.

No, no. She remembers everything, my
mother.

You really sound like you're in denial.

No, no, I'm not. She remembers... Oh.

Oh, I... I understand.

No, no, no. You see, I've been living
with Ma because, well, you know, she's

old. She's very, very frail. Very weak.

Ma,

what happened to your frailness? You got
very strong all of a sudden.

What are you doing here?

Me? What are you doing here with those
two tomatoes?

No, Mrs. Fiamma, you got it all wrong.

This is Paige and Daryl Hannah.

I know who they are. I see them in the
films. All the things they do to those

boys. Look, Mrs. Fiamma, that's just
play acting.

Ma, now, now, now, put down that frying
pan this instant.

I love you.

I love you. Now, now, don't you be
putting evil eye on these girls. They

nothing to do with anything.

Oh, dear, you hurt innocent little
monkey.

Don't you listen to me.

She's crazy. Let's get out of here
before she kills us.

Out of my house.

That's it, Ma.

That's it. I've had it up to here.
That's the last straw.

And you know what?

You're in denial.

Not me.

And I'm moving out of this house. Wait,
Johnny. Is something wrong?

You're crazy.

That's what's wrong.

And I'm never coming back, Ma.

Never coming back.

Oh, wait. Wait, Johnny.

Oh, my Johnny.

And you know what else?

A great walk away.

And now it's time for another episode of
Tales from the Deck.

You!

Welcome to another blood -chewing
installment of Tales from the Deck!

Mops, turn down the echo.

Oh,

yes, I remember.

It was earlier today.

So you say that this echo machine will
enhance the scariness of the show?

Really? I don't know. Let me think about
it for a moment.

What do you mean we have to do another
dissolve before I can get back to the

show?

Didn't the clock accomplish that?

Costume. Oh, yes, yes, all right, all
right, all right. I don't want to spend

all day arguing about it. Just go and
dissolve.

Oh, now, where was I?

Oh, yes, there was an explosion, and
then mulch flew high into the air.

Okay, now I know where I was.

is fractured, I'll just replace the part
you're still under warranty on.

What's your language, though?

What, did your mother raise you in a
sewer?

Randy,

take your mom to work. Days are getting
too many. Hey, what the... Whose laundry

is this?

Oh, that's mine, Clifford. What?

Yeah, well, I find that the heat of the
control room and the steam from Nigel's

cappuccino provides a beautiful drying
environment.

But, Johnny, why can't you do it at
home?

Well, I've made a decision to move out
of Ma's home, Clifford.

I'm living here now.

I won't be in anybody's way.

Clifford, Clifford, Clifford, what's
going on?

Oh, that's just my toaster there, Nigel.
It happens sometimes. Sorry, everybody.

Oh, man, could things get any worse?

Johnny P .M. is a ma.

Coming through. Make a way for me,
Johnny P .M. is a ma.

Sal, what are you doing?

I'm not a Sal.

I'm a your ma, Johnny. And I was wrong,
and you were right, and I want you home

right now.

Sal. Yeah, Johnny?

Listen, I appreciate your very sweet but
very weird gesture, but I

just want to be alone right now, huh?
Just me and my thoughts. Well, excuse

All right.

Gee, I wonder how Ma's doing.

I hope I didn't hurt her feelings.

You know, Sal's calves were sure looking
shapely today.

I wonder if he's working out.

Boy, Johnny sure is, Dad.

There has to be some way I can get him
and Mama back together again.

Gee, these support hoes sure do make my
calves look shapely.

Pete's working out.

Did I just say that out loud?

Starring David Hodgelhoff as Champ
Schwimmer.

Spamala Henderson as Spamala.

And Andy and Randy Pig as Donnie and Art
C. Schell.

Gosh, Champ, sure it's well of you to
give me this three -hour tour of the

Whoa, no problemo, Spamala.

I'm not sure about the weather, though.
It seems to be getting a little rough.

Oh, it is?

Hit it, guys.

Our tiny ship is being tossed.

It's a storm.

Oh, well, you should hold on tightly to
me. If not for

the courage of the fearless, to me, our
motor could be lost.

Quit the motor!

That'll be next stop, Desert Isle.

You know, This show reminds me of a
glass of expensive brandy. Why is that?

Because it's old and it makes my head
hurt.

Are you sure Johnny wrote this letter to
me? Yeah, yeah, every word.

But I can read this monkey scratch. I'll
read it for you.

Dear Ma, I'm so sorry I got sore at you
and moved out.

I feel worse than having a whole bunch
of fleas and ticks.

or eaten a bunch of green bananas.

What does that mean?

Oh, it means Johnny feels real bad.

Please come down to the studio so you
and Johnny can make up. Love, Johnny.

Oh, P .S. P .S. If I, Johnny, didn't
write this, may I get struck by

lightning.

Are you okay, little monkey?

Yeah. I gotta get down to the studio
now, Mrs.

Fiamma. Oh, boy.

Dude, this looks like you're writing,
Sal.

Oh, she dictated it to me. She was so
broken up, she couldn't even write.

Really? Yeah.

Dear Johnny, I'm so sad about what
happened and you moving out.

I feel like I fell out of a hundred
-foot coconut tree and got beat up by a

bunch of orangutans who were mad because
I stole their green bananas.

That's terrible.

Well, you're telling me.

I'm coming to the studio to make nice,
and please give Sal a raise.

Love, Mama.

P .S. If Mama didn't write this, may I
be... Oh, you know what, Johnny? Don't

read that part.

Oh, all right. Well, I can't anyway.
It's monkey scratch.

Monkey scratch? What do you mean? Look
at me. I can read it.

And P .S. If I, Mama, didn't write this,
may I be swallowed whole by the earth.

Oops.

I wonder what Mama meant by utes.

Okay, stand by to cue the next sketch,
and can somebody get me a... Oh, no, no,

no, no. Not another mocha -coca
-cappuccino.

I'm sick of getting those.

No, actually, I just wanted a hug.

Forget that.

I'd rather get a coffee.

Works every time.

It is time now for politics and punditry
from the Eagle's Nest. I'm your host,

Sam Eagle, and our topic today is
balancing the federal budget.

Andy and Randy, how would you do it? I'm
not really have to go to the bathroom.

We're in the middle of a show.

But I really have to go.

All right, all right, all right. Go, go,
go, go.

And how would you balance the budget,
Andy Pig?

Oh, I'm not Andy. I'm Randy.

I'll go get him.

Colby Roberts doesn't do this to David
Brinkley. All right, let's move on. Mr.

Burrowpan, now, how would you balance
the budget?

Well, Mr. Eagle, I balance my budgie on
my finger.

Not budgie, you buffoon. Budget.

I'm a little budgie. Mr. Eagle, Mr.
Eagle Birdman, the bathroom door is

Well, you just have to wait. Yeah, we
both gotta go now. I told you to cut

on your lemonade consumption.

Bobo the Bear, balancing the budget,
what say you?

Well, as I see it, Sam, Congress has to
make across -the -board bipartisan

spending cuts, approve a short -term
middle -class tax cut, and incorporate

sunset and reauthorization provisions in
all the new appropriations.

That is astounding.

How did you come up with that?

Oh, well, a little birdie told me.

Hey, where's my budgie?

I don't know.

Join us next week when our topic will be
endangered species.

Oh, great, I'm starved.

Ma?

Johnny.

Ma, what are you doing up so late, huh?
Oh, I came to sleep.

Listen, Ma.

I...

I hope you understand that, oh, I feel
that... I'm your mama, Johnny, I

understand. Here, sit down, eh?

All right.

Oh, Johnny, remember this picture, the
first time you sang that song to me?

Yeah. Sing it again, eh?

Right now, Ma?

It's kind of late, eh?

Oh, come on, do what I like, just for
me.

All right for you, Ma.

You and me against the world.

Sometimes it feels like you and me
against the world.

When all the others turn their backs and
walk away, you can

count on me to stay.

Remember.

When the circus came to town And you
were

frightened by the clown Wasn't it nice

to be around Someone that you knew
Someone who

was big and strong And looking out for
you And

me against the world sometimes it feels

like you and me against the world and

for all the times we've cried I always
felt that God was

on our side and when one

of us is gone

One of us is left to carry on Then

remembering we'll have to do Our
memories alone

will get us through Think about the days

of me and you

Against the world.

I love you, Ma.

I love you, Johnny.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up.

Huh?

Ma's sleeping over here.

Oh.

Hey, uh...

Where you been, huh?

I've been to the center of the earth and
back for you two.

Ah, that's my stinky little monkey.

Well, I'm fine, Mrs. Fiamma. And thanks
again for renting me this room.

Oh, I can't believe I got a great singer
like Johnny Mathis living with me.

Are you sure your son's going to be okay
at the YMCA?

Oh, he's just fine.

Now, sing me that song, Johnny. The one
I like just for me.

Oh.

Chances are Cause I wear a silly grin
The

moment you come into view No, no, no,
no, Johnny, not that song.

Sing a misty for me.

Okay, but after that, I'm off to bed.

Look at me I'm as helpless as a kitten

up a tree And I feel like I'm clinging
to a cloud

I can't understand.

I get misty just holding your hand.

Oh, slumber party.

I could get my nightgown on. Excuse me.

Hey,

look. Oh, birdies. Birdies. Birdies.
Look at that.

To the village spiders.

I

feel

worse than having a whole bunch of
flicks and tees. Flicks and tees? Excuse

Flicks and tees.

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