All language subtitles for Muppets Tonight s02e10 The Gary Cahuenga

Come on, Riz. All right.

Oh, watch it.

You know, this basement's a pretty scary
place, Clifford.

It reminds me of the reform school.

Come on, Riz. We're just changing the
fuse.

All right.

Now hold that flashlight up so we can
find the fuse box. Okay, let's see. See

where it... Ow! Ow! What's wrong with
you? Ow! Ow! Oh, I think my head found

fuse box. Wait a minute. Hold the phone.
I see something. Huh?

Right over here. Bring that flashlight.
Oh, yeah.

Careful, Clifford.

It's high voltage. I got it. I got it.
Be careful.

Hey. Hey.

That's more like it. Come over here.
Let's go. All right. Oh, hey, Clifford.

Hmm? What do you think's in this old
trunk here? It says, uh, Coanga.

Hmm. I don't know.

Well, I guess I'll just have to, uh,
pick the lock.

Ha!

How about this right here?

What is that?

Okay, Chick, I think this is what we're
going to do. We'll start with a Sputnik

routine because that's so topical.

And then we'll be off to the races.

Yo, yo, yo. Chick, what? Yo, who are
you?

Who am I? Don't you watch TV?

I'm Gary Coinga.

And my partner Chick and I are
performing on the Ed Sullivan show

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down, little
fella.

This is the Muppets.

I don't think so.

You know what?

Mr. Sullivan has us on right after the
harmonica. Now, what time is it? I don't

want to be late. I think you're 40 years
too late. Yeah, Sullivan hasn't been on

the air in years.

Wait a minute. This is in 1956?

Not unless you go by my paychecks.

Then I've been in this box for more than
40 years?

That means I haven't been to the
bathroom in... Whoa!

Get out of my way!

Whoa!

Take a load off your feet.

Got a lot to do. And we do it for you.

Everybody take your place. We got

a show for you.

Hi, James.

Hey,

welcome to Muppets Tonight.

This week's show has tons of singers and
bands and dancers. It brings new

meaning to the term music heavy.

Nobody told me they were going to drop a
piano.

Clifford, excuse me, but it was in the
script.

Nobody told me that was a script.

As Clifford was saying, there's a lot of
music on the show this week. And to

start, let's go live via satellite to
the great Gonzo at the Lollapalooza

Festival.

Hello, I'm the great Gonzo here, live
from Lollapalooza, all the way across

country. In fact, I'm so far away
that... Gonzo, you are not all the way

the country. You are right here on our
stage.

I know. My mom wouldn't let me go. What?
She said there were too many weirdos.

Might be a bad influence on me. Gee, I
would have thought it was the other way

around. Well, don't worry about it. I've
got something that's just as good.

They're called Lollapaloozers.

Lollapaloozers? Yeah, all the acts that
weren't good enough to make it to the

Lollapalooza. Oh, brother.

And the first one is the Benedictine
Boogie!

A lot like skiing.

How's that?

Because it's going downhill fast.

And basically that's what's happened in
the last 40 years.

So you're telling me that human beings
have walked on the moon.

Right. And that the Soviet Union has
crumbled. Oh, yeah. And bears have been

discovered to be the smartest creatures
in the galaxy.

Oh, and the sexiest.

I may be a dummy, but I'm not stupid. I
know this is 1956.

This must be one of Chick's practical
jokes.

Oh, who's Chick?

Oh, Chick is my ventriloquist. I mean,
the guy's a real goofball. Oh, yeah.

But you know what I always say? You buy
the donut, you buy the hole.

Oh, how true, how true.

All right, a big smoking gig tonight.
We're debuting our Sputnik routine, and

Chick doesn't even show.

Whoa!

It's not 1956 anymore. The girls are
walking around there with skirts up to

and tattoos all over their bodies.

Oh, my goodness. And the guys are
wearing earrings in their noses. I need

out for this. The world's gone mad.

I wonder who gets a load of Dennis
Rodman.

Clifford, I've got another... Law of the
Losers act all ready to go. No, no, no

thanks, Gonzo. I think we got the idea.

But these guys are great. It's the
Smashing Pumpkins.

The Smashing Pumpkins? I love them.

Oh, are you going to marry them?

Just put them on, man.

Cue the Smashing Pumpkins.

Ha, ha, ha.

Hot diggity, dog diggity. Bow, just do
it with me. Ow.

Don't hit me. I'm not a pumpkin. Well,
what are you?

Squash. Don't mind if I do.

Gonzo, you and these cheap musical acts
are working my last nerve.

All right, then. Forget about the music.
How about an act like Penn and Teller?

Oh, yeah, right. Let me guess. You got a
ballpoint pen and a guy who works in

the bank.

Wow, that would have been great, but all
I have is a guy named Penn and a guy

named Teller.

Whoa, whoa.

Penn and Teller really are here.

I didn't even see them standing there.

Well, you didn't see the piano drop
either.

You really got to start reading the
script here, Clifford.

Gonzo, hands Clifford's script.

And he begins to read as Penn and Teller
do their act.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Baby, hold on to me.

Escape velocity.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Do you really think we'd break an age
-old, time -honored magician's code of

secrecy just for a couple of stupid
pigs?

Yes.

Okay, let's do it.

Yes!

Hey, Siegfried Roy, this is for you.

away from me.

Next game, you're not where you should
be.

Now,

now, now.

Backdoor. Backdoor. Hopped in for a
while.

Backdoor. Backdoor.

Missed you by a mile.

on this.

But how did you do it? Yeah.

Yeah, ask Teller. He'll explain it to
you.

Clifford, Clifford, you're going to love
this next act. Yeah, what's up? We

found a guy who will allow himself to be
driven into a railroad tie by two

sledgehammer -wielding American
gladiators, Thap and Ice, all to the

can -can.

What kind of crazy psycho idiot would
you get to do a thing like that? Hold it

there. Let's see.

Let me check the rundown. That
particular idiot would be, uh, me.

Hey,

why didn't you tell me you got an NEA
grant?

All right, ready?

Come on,

Gary. Come out of your box. It's not
that bad.

Yeah, Gary. Things will work out fine,
you know? I mean... there's a place for

you here with the Muppets. No, no, no,
no, no, no.

It's too scary out there. The world is
too different.

I'm just gonna sit tight and wait for
Chick.

Um, uh, Gary, I don't know how to break
this to you, but there is no Chick. At

least not here.

What? I'm a ventriloquist dummy without
a ventriloquist? If I don't have a

partner, I don't have an act.

Oh, listen, Gary, there are plenty of
guys around here who'd love to work with

you. Really?

Sure, sure. We'll hold auditions and
we'll find you a new partner in no time.

Hey, you guys are fantabulous.

Okay. You guys are fantabulous.

I see what you did there. That was very
good. Listen, if people are still

laughing at stuff like that, I got a
whole tonk load of material that'll

their socks off.

Hide me! Hide me! What are you?

Squashy. Don't mind if I do!

girls put a little muscle into it.

Now that's what I call art.

Coming up next, everyone's favorite
mythological mischief maker, Thor, God

Thunder.

This week, Thor visits the DMV.

All right, Nick.

Name, please.

Thor, God of Thunder.

Have all these forms been filled out
properly for your vehicle registration,

sir? Yes, yes, I believe so. I've filled
in the release of liability form. I've

given you all the information for the
REG -135 form in triplicate. I went all

the way home to get my certificate of
ownership because the troll in line

said that I needed it. All right, sir.
What did you say your name was again?

sorry.

I am Thor, god of thunder!

Okay.

Chill out, sir.

Now, exactly how long have you owned
this car?

This is not a car. It's a fiery chariot.

Uh -oh.

It's a chariot. You're going to want
Line J, sir. You got your minivan, your

four -wheel drives, your antique
vehicles.

Line J?

Have you seen the sides of Line J?

I may be immortal, but I don't have that
much time, for I am Thor.

God of thunder, I know. And I am
Estelle. God of thunder. I'm out of

right? And if you don't mind, sir, it's
almost lunchtime.

Oh, how clever.

Mind your tongue or I shall smite thee
mightily.

Well, you can smite me till you're blue
in the face, sir, but you're going to

have to do it from line... Uh -oh.

You filled out the REG -256 form in
pencil. What? It's got to be in pen.

you're going to have to take this back,
fill it out properly, and then get back

in line and start over again, all right?
Next.

I've warned thee. Now feel the wrath of
the God of Thunder.

I will get my

supervisors.

Gods,

we get in here.

All right, everybody, listen up, people.
Listen up here. We're holding auditions

to find a new partner for Gary Kawanga.

Voiced up?

Bobo. Hey.

So, Bobo. Oh, yes, Gary. Who was that
lady I saw you with last night?

Oh, I didn't go out last night. I stayed
home and watched wrestling.

No, no, no, no, no. It's a joke, you
dummy.

I'm the dummy?

I'm confused.

You said you were the dummy.

Next.

I'm Seymour. I'm Peppy.

We're two of a kind.

We want to work with Gary. A chick he
cannot find.

Ta -da!

You see what we did there? We put in
Chick's name because that's who you're

looking for. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Okay. Hey, Seymour. Yes, Pepe? Who was
that lady I saw you with last night?

No, no, no. Don't you remember, Pepe?
Last night we went to Bobo's to watch

wrestling. All right, all right, all
right.

First of all, that is not the punchline
to the joke.

Second, I happen to know that wrestling
was not on last night because I checked.

And third, what part do I play in this
act?

Oh, well, we haven't worked that out
yet, okay? Yeah.

Next. So, who was that lady I saw you
with last night?

Again with the wrestling? Read my lips.
Wrestling was not on last night.

Next. Get off of me. You're breaking my
legs. Get off. Get off.

Next. Okay.

Now, you ask me, who was that lady I saw
you with last night?

Are you talking to me?

Yes, sunshine.

You ask me, who was that lady I saw you
with last night?

But I wasn't with a lady. I was watching
wrestling with the boys.

All right, that's it, that's it. I'm
getting out of here. I'm never going to

find a new partner in this madhouse.
Whoa, whoa, Gary, I think you're being a

little unfair here. I mean, this place
has a lot of things, but it is not a

madhouse.

Now we join the Johnny Fiamma show
already in progress.

And I tell you, I can't believe the hits
I'm taking in the newspapers these

days. I mean, the critics are accusing
me of ripping off David Letterman. Well,

what kind of garbage is that?

Yeah, whatever. Anyway, look, before we
get to the stupid Muppet tricks, let's

do a little thing we call... Sal on the
street. Sal, can you hear me?

Yeah, yeah, Johnny.

That's working real good.

Now, Sal, go into the laundromat behind
you there.

Oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, okay, Johnny. I'm
going. All right. Now, the idea this

folks, is that Sal walks up to a
stranger and says whatever I tell him to

Okay. Oh, Sal, Sal. The guy behind you
is perfect.

Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

All right, okay. Now, slip the bikini
into his laundry. Oh, that's good,

It's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. Okay, now
say, hey, pretty boy, you wear that to

the beach or just around the house?

Hey, pretty boy, you wear that to the
beach or just around the house?

Just like Mars.

What do I say? What do I say? Okay, now
say, yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

You look more like the frilly, lacy
type.

I guess you're right.

so hard, I'm going to wet my pants.

All right, Sal, look, you tell this guy
that that was a lucky shot, and I bet

you couldn't do it again. Go ahead.

I don't think I should say that, Johnny.
Sal, you're killing the bit.

Oh, okay, Johnny, I wouldn't want to
kill the bit.

That was a lucky shot.

I bet you couldn't do it again.

I bet you couldn't do that again.

Hey, Sal!

In a minute, Sal.

Oh, Johnny.

I think something's busted.

Look, I want you to tell him for me.

With your face, you look like you went
12 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Really? Say it. Go on.

Please,

please, sir.

Please don't take this the wrong way,
but... Yeah? With your face, you look

you went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Actually, I stopped him in the living
room.

Huh? I'm Evander Holyfield.

Evander Holyfield?

Okay, okay, bit's over, Sal.

Uh, but Johnny... Run!

Who are you talking to? Don't say
anything!

Oh, all right, Johnny.

Johnny who?

Uh, Johnny Fiamma. He made me say all
that stuff.

He did?

Yeah. I think I'd like to meet Johnny
Fiamma. Okay, hey, hey, hey, good night,

everybody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Why don't you come back to the station
with me?

Ma, lock the front door. I'm coming
through the back.

Oh, I can show you Johnny's house.

I like that.

Boy,

I'm sure glad we're up here.

Why is that?

Because after seeing that, I really need
a lift.

We're going to go out on that joke?

No, we're going out on this one.

That looks like fun.

Good evening, ma 'am. I was told that
Gianni Fiamo lives here.

Oh, no,

Gianni don't live here no more.

He find a nice Italian girl and he move
to China.

If he come back, tell me Evander
Holyfield is looking for him. Oh, okay,

Evander, but I don't think I ever gonna
see him again.

Bye -bye, my child. Who's that at the
door, Gianni?

What are you doing in my dress?

Ma, not now. You dress like a girl.

We could work in a department store.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Ooh,

that felt good.

Next.

What, have you got a carburetor problem?