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1
00:00:02,179 --> 00:00:04,580
Ma. Ma. No, don't go for the cheese, Ma.
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It's a trap. No one leaves cheese lying
around an attic, Ma.
3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,500
Ma. Ma. Rizzo.
4
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:13,270
Rizzo. Rizzo. Hey, take it easy, Rizzo.
You're just having a bad dream.
5
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,540
Oh, oh, Gonzo.
6
00:00:14,541 --> 00:00:18,539
Wait a second, Gonzo. What are you doing
here? I thought Clifford gave everybody
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00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:19,379
the week off.
8
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Oh, he did. I just came in to pick up my
nasal floss. Of course you did.
9
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:25,559
Hey, hey, aren't you supposed to be
running that tape of the show we
10
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,579
last week? Oh, no, the tape. Oh, geez,
the tape. That's right. Oh, what did I
11
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:30,349
with the tape?
12
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:33,870
Oh, let me see. Oh, wait a minute. The
last thing I remember was... Oh, yeah,
13
00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:36,560
yeah. Carl and I were having a cheese
-eating contest.
14
00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:38,010
Then what happened?
15
00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:41,850
Well, this is coming back to me. There
was Carl and there was the video
16
00:00:42,630 --> 00:00:44,330
The tape got eaten!
17
00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:47,150
What? The machine ate the tape? No,
Carl!
18
00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:48,530
Carl ate the tape? No!
19
00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:50,330
Carl ate the machine!
20
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:57,250
Thank you!
21
00:00:57,890 --> 00:00:59,710
He does all that without mustard.
22
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,660
Oh, no. What are we going to do now?
23
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,660
Well, I don't know. Let's see. I got an
idea. I got an idea. Yeah, yeah.
24
00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:10,699
How about this? Suppose we just run the
best scenes from all of our shows hosted
25
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:11,920
by us, you and me.
26
00:01:11,921 --> 00:01:15,559
Oh, wait a minute. Hosted by us? That's
ridiculous, Gonzo. You and me hosting a
27
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show? Nobody's going to go for that.
28
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,880
But we go on the air in one minute.
29
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,130
Well, what are we waiting for? We got a
show to host.
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I'll go get some tuxedos.
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Carl, Carl, cue the opening credits and
don't eat them until they're over with.
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00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:38,150
If you're a human being, take a break
from the race. Take a load off your
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watch the look of your face. Got a lot
to do, and we do it for you.
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00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:45,030
Everybody take your place.
35
00:01:45,390 --> 00:01:46,440
Muppet tonight.
36
00:01:47,330 --> 00:01:48,380
Tonight,
37
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:54,970
tonight. We got a show for you,
guaranteed brand new.
38
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:24,829
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am
Gonzo the Great. As many of you
39
00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:29,390
probably know, Muppets Tonight has been
on the air for over 3 ,000 years.
40
00:02:29,391 --> 00:02:30,529
That's not right.
41
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:31,970
Well, I'm approximating.
42
00:02:31,971 --> 00:02:36,929
In that time, we've had the opportunity
to launch the careers of many famous
43
00:02:36,930 --> 00:02:37,980
celebrities. Yes.
44
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:42,670
Unfortunately, most of those tapes have
been lost, destroyed, stolen, or eaten.
45
00:02:43,010 --> 00:02:44,060
Yeah.
46
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:48,490
However, a few of those early celebrity
appearances have survived.
47
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Let's watch, shall we? Yes.
48
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:54,390
Welcome to Muppet Match -Up.
49
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:59,229
Let's get right to it, shall we, and
meet our new B -bachelorette, Miss
50
00:02:59,230 --> 00:03:00,370
Spiker -Manowitz.
51
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:08,019
Welcome to the show, Michelle. Are you
ready to get down with the game? That
52
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:10,910
would be far out, Kermit. Let's boogie
with our bad selves.
53
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:16,819
Bachelor number one, I love a man with a
good sense of humor. What's your idea
54
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:17,870
of a fun date?
55
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:22,159
Well, Michelle, first I would take you
to my lab where we'd scrape off some
56
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,060
epidermis and examine the skin cells
from our bippies.
57
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,700
Bachelor number three, same question.
58
00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:32,380
Michelle! Michelle!
59
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,380
Michelle! Michelle! Michelle!
60
00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:35,820
Michelle! Michelle!
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00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,740
Michelle! Michelle!
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00:03:38,741 --> 00:03:40,279
Michelle! Michelle! Michelle! Michelle!
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00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:40,599
Michelle! Michelle! Michelle! Michelle!
Michelle! Michelle! Michelle! Michelle!
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00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,370
Michelle! Michelle! Michelle! Michelle!
Michelle!
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00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:13,180
Are you guys lip -syncing?
66
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:15,360
No, we ain't lip -syncing, fool.
67
00:04:15,361 --> 00:04:18,259
Yeah, don't make me come over there and
smack you, Ed.
68
00:04:18,260 --> 00:04:20,339
Cronutera roll call. Broke out now.
69
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,110
Stu!
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00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:23,790
Jumper!
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00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,720
Nope. Stu!
72
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,850
Cindy!
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00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,650
Robbie!
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00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:30,910
Stu!
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00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,320
Stu! DiBolo!
76
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,090
Stu!
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00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:39,310
That's enough, Stu. That's the fifth
time you've called out your name
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00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:40,630
Oh!
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00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,900
Today is Friday, and what does that
mean, huh?
80
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,240
It's Friday!
81
00:04:52,190 --> 00:04:55,890
Well, yes, but it's also get -to -know
-your -frog -a -tear day.
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00:04:56,470 --> 00:05:00,549
Oh, I like that. So today, let's meet
our newest frog -a -tear, Cinderella
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00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,430
Crawfordopolis. Yay!
84
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,020
Hi,
85
00:05:05,021 --> 00:05:08,589
Kermit. Hi there, Cindy. Why don't you
tell us a little about yourself? For
86
00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,210
example, what are your hobbies?
87
00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:14,650
I like to dress up in really pretty
clothes and walk up and down my
88
00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:18,429
What would you like to do when you grow
up? The same thing, but get paid
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00:05:18,430 --> 00:05:19,750
millions of dollars for it.
90
00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:24,869
And now here's our reigning disco queen,
Miss Piggy, with her new partner, Jason
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00:05:24,870 --> 00:05:25,920
Alexanderplatz.
92
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,220
Yeah. Yeah. Well, those were some of the
stars of today.
93
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:02,419
But who, you ask, are the stars of
tomorrow? Well, you can be sure you
94
00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:05,970
seeing them in these neck clips. Well,
what the heck. Let's watch anyway.
95
00:06:07,020 --> 00:06:08,070
Return.
96
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:16,500
I'm Seymour. I'm Pepe. We're two of a
kind. I'm a little bit forward.
97
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,160
And I've got a big behind.
98
00:06:18,161 --> 00:06:19,559
Say, Seymour.
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00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:20,379
Yes, Pepe?
100
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,550
What do you get when you cross an
elephant?
101
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,000
With a rhino. Gee, I don't know. What?
102
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,290
Elefino.
103
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:30,890
Elefino.
104
00:06:32,820 --> 00:06:34,580
Gee, Pepe, I don't think they get it.
105
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,300
Elefino. Why do I have to explain to you
people, okay?
106
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,080
Elefino. What? Tell me, Ellie. Elefino.
107
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:47,619
And now, music lovers, all the way from
London's East End, Sid Canisius and his
108
00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:48,980
mosh pit ditto.
109
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:11,620
delicious rules.
110
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,210
Yeah.
111
00:07:14,940 --> 00:07:16,920
Elephant. Elephant.
112
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:18,430
Elef.
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00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,020
Rhino. Rhino.
114
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,500
I know.
115
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,820
Elef I know.
116
00:07:28,820 --> 00:07:29,870
Unbelievable.
117
00:07:38,411 --> 00:07:46,259
For your musical entertainment, I bring
you a team of well -trained artillery
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00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:48,520
shells. The refined young...
119
00:08:51,020 --> 00:08:53,000
Yo, Rizzo, this musical number is a hit.
120
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:54,510
Yeah,
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00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:55,910
a direct hit.
122
00:09:00,051 --> 00:09:01,699
That
123
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:08,299
was
124
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:14,580
surprisingly good. And speaking of
surprising, watch this.
125
00:09:17,380 --> 00:09:19,200
That's not exactly what I had in mind.
126
00:09:20,199 --> 00:09:23,999
Actually, I was just going to show a few
more clips, but I guess you can watch
127
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,900
while I try to put Gonzo back together.
128
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,180
Hey, Garth Brooks, my man!
129
00:09:30,181 --> 00:09:33,699
How you doing, buddy? Hey, welcome to
the show. Thank you, man, and I brought
130
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,279
some good news. I've been thinking.
131
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,219
Uh -oh.
132
00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:39,319
Can we do Garth Brooks stuff on
everybody else's show? But you guys,
133
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,579
say let's do something different?
134
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,920
Really? Like what?
135
00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:58,889
What seems to be the problem? Well,
Doctor, I see these strange creatures
136
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,870
time I say the word phenomena.
137
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:02,730
Do you mind if I try it?
138
00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:04,060
Sure.
139
00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:05,680
Phenomena.
140
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:08,620
Phenomena.
141
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,060
Phenomena.
142
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:12,560
Phenomena.
143
00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:13,820
Phenomena.
144
00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:16,440
Phenomena.
145
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:31,409
Phenomena. Phenomena.
146
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:37,990
Hi there, Pierce.
147
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,050
Hey, how's it going, huh?
148
00:10:40,051 --> 00:10:44,169
Well, it's going great, Connor, except
everyone's treating me like I'm James
149
00:10:44,170 --> 00:10:47,449
Bond, and I'm not. I mean, that's just
the character I play in the movies. Oh,
150
00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:51,749
yeah. You know, I mean, because in real
life, I'm not that swath of debonair at
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00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:52,800
all.
152
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,350
Now, where did I put that high -powered
laser of death?
153
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:57,650
Cotton swab. What?
154
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,940
Hey, this is the reason I moved out of
the Y.
155
00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:05,680
I never knew life could be so thrilling.
156
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:08,180
Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet, sister.
157
00:11:22,231 --> 00:11:29,059
You want Cindy to fall in love with you,
listen to your headset, and repeat
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00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,230
everything I say. Repeat everything I
say?
159
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,930
No, no, no, not yet. Oh, Jesus, here she
comes. Oh, Jesus, here she comes.
160
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,290
Okay.
161
00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:39,870
Oh,
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00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,860
hi, hi. Hi, Cindy.
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00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,720
Cindy, to me, you are like the nut and
berries of the forest.
164
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,700
Cindy, to me, a nut like you should be
buried in the forest.
165
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,570
What exactly is that supposed to mean,
Bobo?
166
00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:57,440
Oh, brother, you sure muffed that one,
Fatso.
167
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,500
Oh, brother, you sure muffed that one,
Fatso.
168
00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:02,900
Did you just call me Fatso?
169
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,460
Yeah. No!
170
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,980
I was yelling at my ear.
171
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,140
Oh, hi, Uncle Rizzo. We just came back
from the fair.
172
00:12:11,141 --> 00:12:14,959
Hey, that's a nice set of balloons you
got there. Maybe you'll let me play with
173
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,259
them later. Maybe you'll let me play
with them later.
174
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:18,310
What?
175
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,250
I wasn't supposed to say that one, was
I?
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00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,740
Here are some clips the critics love.
177
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:31,919
Let me just say right off the bat that
my client Martin Short is a huge fan of
178
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:32,970
the Moffat.
179
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,840
He's always talking about Moffat, Moffat
this, Moffat that, little Miss Moffat.
180
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,140
That's Moffat. He loves them too.
181
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:44,040
I'm particularly wild about that chubby
pig.
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00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:48,260
She is the hoot. I don't like the green
one, though. She frightens me.
183
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:51,790
What's his name? That would be me.
184
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:53,170
Yes, I don't like you.
185
00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:58,189
Anyway, these are the requirements of my
client. He needs a super huge deluxe
186
00:12:58,190 --> 00:13:00,510
dressing room. He needs a catered kosher
meal.
187
00:13:00,710 --> 00:13:06,130
He's not Jewish, but he's just on a
little bit of a kick. And $100 ,000 per
188
00:13:08,090 --> 00:13:10,560
Gonzo, what do we have in the budget for
Mr. Short?
189
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:16,669
Well, let's see. We've got tap water,
pretzel rods, and all the coins he can
190
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:17,720
find in the sofa.
191
00:13:20,589 --> 00:13:22,030
You've got yourself a deal.
192
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:28,350
Johnny Fiamma's just arrived. Make way
for the one, the only Johnny Fiamma.
193
00:13:28,351 --> 00:13:29,089
out of the way, you.
194
00:13:29,090 --> 00:13:30,749
All right, why don't you step there, Ma.
195
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,490
Oh, be careful, huh?
196
00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:36,590
Hello, sir. I am selling chocolate so
that my school can buy new books. Hey,
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00:13:36,591 --> 00:13:37,309
hey, hey, hey.
198
00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:40,770
Over my dead body, Johnny Fiamma buys
one of them chocolates.
199
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,630
Now get out of here, you punk.
200
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,730
Hey, Sal, what'd you dropkick him for?
201
00:13:50,731 --> 00:13:52,409
He's just a kid selling chocolates.
202
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:54,270
Yeah, right, Johnny, and I'm a monkey.
203
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:59,129
Okay, Johnny, if you have a comment...
Come on, Ma. How's your bad arm, all
204
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,180
right?
205
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:02,890
Once there was a little old ant.
206
00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:04,400
Thought he'd move.
207
00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:06,830
What'd you do that for?
208
00:14:07,310 --> 00:14:11,769
There was an ant on the table. I smashed
it. It was a musical ant. He was there
209
00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:12,820
for the song.
210
00:14:13,030 --> 00:14:14,080
Oh.
211
00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:15,440
Sorry.
212
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,780
It's going to be on that one.
213
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,640
Oh! Ow!
214
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:50,059
Well, if you haven't guessed by now,
we're doing a best -of show. Yep. And
215
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:53,120
best -of show is complete without clips
like these?
216
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,740
Merry Met Sally screen test. Take 73.
217
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:02,520
Action. Oh, Captain Nouveau, what
happened with your hot date last night?
218
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,830
Oh, Sally, it was a disaster. She
canceled.
219
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:05,990
She had a bad cold.
220
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:08,010
Are you sure she had a cold?
221
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:12,010
Yes, I'm sure she had a cold. I heard a
sneeze twice.
222
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:16,989
Did you ever think she may have faked
the sneeze to get out of the date with
223
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:20,430
you? Well, excusez -moi, miss I'm
-jealous -of -babe.
224
00:15:20,930 --> 00:15:24,769
You don't think that I can tell the
difference between a real sneeze and a
225
00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:25,820
sneeze?
226
00:15:26,470 --> 00:15:27,520
Nope.
227
00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:51,490
have what she's having. Only less
pepper.
228
00:15:52,590 --> 00:15:57,610
And now, once again, it's time for great
moments in Elvis history.
229
00:15:58,070 --> 00:16:00,890
Tonight, the Declaration of
Independence.
230
00:16:01,870 --> 00:16:05,430
Say there, George Washington. What's up
there, Thomas Jefferson?
231
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,329
Well, I was just wondering if you had
any more of that there.
232
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:09,510
Cherry pie left.
233
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:12,690
I cannot tell a lie. I ate the whole
thing.
234
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:14,370
Oh, mercy.
235
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:17,610
Next week, Elvis of Arabia.
236
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,340
Dang, it's hot out here.
237
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:24,559
And now, Muppet Masterpiece Mystery
Movie presents Jason Alexander as
238
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,540
Poirot in Murder on the Disoriented
Express.
239
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,020
Oh, help, help.
240
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:36,339
I've been motorized. Oh, no. Oh, my
goodness. Someone has killed Mr. Poodle
241
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:40,159
Pants. Well, I'm not really hurt, you
know. I mean, this is a family show.
242
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,640
wouldn't really... You're ruining the
scene now. Oh, dear,
243
00:16:43,651 --> 00:16:45,399
it's a murder.
244
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,450
What do we do?
245
00:16:46,451 --> 00:16:50,159
There's only one detective who could
solve this crime, and he's on board our
246
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:54,420
train, folks. Ladies and gentlemen, I
present Monsieur Hercules Poirot.
247
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,320
Everyone, please take your seats.
248
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:02,559
Oh, I have a question there, Hercules.
Are you going to use your super strength
249
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,040
to lift up the train and shake out the
clues?
250
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,100
Now, listen carefully.
251
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:13,819
You are thinking of Hercules, an ancient
demigod from Greek mythology.
252
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:15,980
I am Hercule.
253
00:17:16,929 --> 00:17:19,470
Koala, a fictional Belgian detective.
254
00:17:19,869 --> 00:17:23,150
But how do you hide your rippling
muscles under that puny little
255
00:17:23,430 --> 00:17:30,410
I do not think it is possible to
overemphasize what I am about to say.
256
00:17:30,670 --> 00:17:34,850
I am not Hercules. Oh, I get it. He's
walking undercover.
257
00:17:35,610 --> 00:17:39,160
Don't get him mad. He'll rip up the
train tracks and tie them around your
258
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:42,850
Yes, I might, if I was Hercules.
259
00:17:43,190 --> 00:17:44,240
But I am not.
260
00:17:47,409 --> 00:17:51,109
What are you going to do first? Fly
around the Earth backwards so you can
261
00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:53,430
reverse time and discover who really did
it?
262
00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:58,650
All right, first of all, I am not
Hercules.
263
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:02,470
Second of all, you are thinking of
Superman and not Hercules.
264
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:06,750
And third of all, you cannot reverse
time by flying backwards around the
265
00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:10,320
I myself had a little problem with the
logic in that part of the film.
266
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,020
Jason, please, you're breaking
character.
267
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:14,900
I'm breaking character?
268
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,460
You're supposed to be dead!
269
00:18:16,461 --> 00:18:19,879
This clown thinks I'm Superman and the
rest of these chuckleheads think I'm
270
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:20,930
Hercules!
271
00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:22,420
July 2nd, they arrive.
272
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:24,960
July 3rd, they attack.
273
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:28,140
July 4th, they begin therapy.
274
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,899
Oh, tell me, Meepzorp, why did you want
to blow up Earth? Because you stupid
275
00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,520
humans never listen to our needs.
276
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,100
Now, now, now.
277
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,880
Let's try to talk this through.
278
00:18:38,020 --> 00:18:41,160
How do you feel about what Meatsorps
just said, Mr. President?
279
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:44,939
Well, first of all, ask them why the
aliens never told us what they wanted.
280
00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:48,939
just came and blew up the White House.
Hey, people cheered. Just the
281
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,620
Republicans. And the Perot people.
282
00:18:50,780 --> 00:18:53,320
Leave Perot out of this. He's one of us.
Coming soon.
283
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,550
Codependence Day.
284
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,580
This time, it's interpersonal.
285
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,250
Well,
286
00:19:02,620 --> 00:19:04,020
I got to introduce...
287
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:08,700
The musical clips, and I don't have a
clue what to say. Say it right.
288
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:14,120
Yeah, I got them musical clips coming
up, but I don't know what to say.
289
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:21,440
The producer's gonna be steaming at it
on his own today.
290
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,580
I call her Firefly. Firefly.
291
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,280
She radiates moon glow.
292
00:19:31,940 --> 00:19:37,080
Wants none of that. That noon glow
starts to glitter when the sun goes
293
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,380
About 8 p .m.
294
00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:45,420
It's mayhem. She switches the brights
up, lights up, and gives me a call.
295
00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:47,500
Take me to the Firefly Ball.
296
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:51,740
When we're free to love anyone we
choose.
297
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,620
When this world's big enough for all
different views.
298
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:01,420
When we're all free to work on our own
kind of views.
299
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,579
We'll be right back. We'll be right
back. We'll be
300
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:14,580
right back.
301
00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:57,269
Thank you. We here at Muppets Tonight
love to do television parodies. Some
302
00:20:57,270 --> 00:20:59,980
people might say that's biting the hand
that feeds us.
303
00:20:59,981 --> 00:21:03,949
What did you do that for? Well, you told
me to bite the hand that feeds me. I
304
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:06,660
don't feed you with that hand. I feed
you with this hand.
305
00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:08,950
My mistake.
306
00:21:13,101 --> 00:21:14,509
Excuse
307
00:21:14,510 --> 00:21:25,370
me.
308
00:21:25,890 --> 00:21:30,090
Do any of you boys know where I can find
Champ Schwimmer?
309
00:21:31,340 --> 00:21:33,400
new assistant like us.
310
00:22:18,481 --> 00:22:25,109
Yes, Gonzo. These clips are great, but I
haven't seen any of my favorite
311
00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:26,610
moments. Which ones are those?
312
00:22:26,690 --> 00:22:27,740
The painful ones.
313
00:22:27,770 --> 00:22:32,409
All righty then. Well, here's a tape
that we call Muppets Tonight's Greatest
314
00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:33,460
Hits.
315
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,430
but it was in the script, huh? Nobody
told me that was a script.
316
00:23:53,760 --> 00:24:00,600
That was great, Gonzo. You know, we
really pulled it off. Yeah, nice work,
317
00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:01,790
old buddy. Thanks.
318
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,680
Hey, what are you two doing here?
319
00:24:04,940 --> 00:24:09,239
Well, we just finished broadcasting our
own show called The Worst of Muppets
320
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,279
Tonight.
321
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,060
Really? What did you show?
322
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,840
The same thing you did.
323
00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:24,750
Okay, okay.
324
00:24:24,980 --> 00:24:26,060
Elephant. Elephant.
325
00:24:27,220 --> 00:24:28,420
Elephant. Oh, fool.
326
00:24:28,421 --> 00:24:32,499
Don't tell me. If the ratings dip below
50, they're going to blow something up?
327
00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:33,519
Really, bitch?
328
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:37,299
Normally, as a matter of principle, I
would not do this number. But I am going
329
00:24:37,300 --> 00:24:40,130
to do it. And for no other reason but to
get this stupid off.
330
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:41,720
Stupid off? Stupid off.
331
00:24:41,721 --> 00:24:43,679
Hey, guess what?
332
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:45,500
What? You made a boo -boo like I did.
333
00:24:46,820 --> 00:24:52,969
And even though I don't know who you
are, I agree with all... Can you speed
334
00:24:52,970 --> 00:24:54,019
up in the edit?
335
00:24:54,020 --> 00:24:58,570
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