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1
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:10,380
Hello? Anybody here?
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00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,010
Guys?
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00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:15,470
Kermit?
4
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:20,720
Clifford? Oh, man, it's Heather
Locklear. That's her voice. That's her.
5
00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:23,180
Hello? Oh, no.
6
00:00:23,611 --> 00:00:27,699
What do you think she's going to do to
us, Johnny?
7
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:31,190
I'll tell you what she's going to do.
She's going to blackmail all of us.
8
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:32,820
And she'll start love triangles.
9
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,290
Worse, she'll frame us for murder and
we'll all go to the electric chair.
10
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,840
Be quiet. If you can see her, throw the
keyhole. Me?
11
00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:09,969
Some of the other guys are a little
scared of you because, well... Because
12
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,020
all the bad things I do on Melrose
Place?
13
00:01:12,350 --> 00:01:13,400
Yeah.
14
00:01:13,770 --> 00:01:15,310
Guys, that is just a show.
15
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:19,450
In real life, I am a perfectly normal,
nice, decent person.
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00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:23,390
Really? Yes. I couldn't hurt a flea.
Really?
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00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:25,350
Yes. Really?
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Yes. Really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really? Really?
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The show that has people all over the
country saying, get that thing out of
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now.
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00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:55,400
Yay!
22
00:02:56,190 --> 00:02:57,240
Many do.
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Our special guest star tonight is
Heather Locklear.
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00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:05,429
Yeah, give it up. But to start things
off, let's take a trip to everybody's
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00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:10,529
favorite hangout where the job is hot as
lava and the mocha is no joker. The
26
00:03:10,530 --> 00:03:12,230
local coffee emporium.
27
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:17,990
Say,
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fella, what is it with everybody?
29
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,280
Why do they drink so much darn coffee?
30
00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:29,500
Hey, Teresa, like this cat wants to know
why we drink so much coffee.
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Coffee! Coffee!
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Coffee!
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00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:39,719
Way down among Brazilians, coffee beans
grow by the billions, so
34
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,420
they've got to find those extra...
35
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,900
What, no tea?
36
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Or tomato juice?
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00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,490
You'll see.
38
00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:57,880
No potato juice. Really? Cause the
planters down in San Jose say no, no,
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00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:02,739
You can't get cherry soda cause they've
gotta sell their quota. And the way
40
00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,580
things are, I guess they never will.
41
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:17,750
Should have ordered a decaf.
42
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:22,850
Good, good, good, good.
43
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:25,590
Yeah, nice work, dancers.
44
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Very good, very good.
45
00:05:28,230 --> 00:05:29,280
Nice work.
46
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:36,410
Nice work, Steve.
47
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Oh, thanks, Nigel.
48
00:05:38,690 --> 00:05:41,290
Oh, there's my body. Oh, over here,
fella.
49
00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:43,890
Oh, look at him. Poor guy doesn't have a
clue.
50
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:46,030
To your left.
51
00:05:46,470 --> 00:05:47,650
No, no, to your right.
52
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:50,389
Headless body walking around. Can I get
a little help?
53
00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:52,680
Can somebody please help Steve get his
body?
54
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:56,050
You know,
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00:05:56,051 --> 00:06:01,269
when Heather Locklear agreed to do our
show, she wanted to do something
56
00:06:01,270 --> 00:06:02,890
intelligent and sophisticated.
57
00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,710
And this is what we came up with.
58
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:10,609
Muppets Tonight presents the hearty big
boys in the mystery of the zombie queen
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00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:13,450
of the Amazon outer space jungle bee
woman case.
60
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,900
Based on a novel by Jane Austen. Oh, who
wrote this?
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00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:20,390
We did.
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00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:25,440
Here we are, Andy and Randy Hardy pig
boys. Us.
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00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:32,159
Junior space boy pig detectives marooned
on a strange planet. Yes, because we
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00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,780
are here to solve a mystery.
65
00:06:49,130 --> 00:06:50,870
How are you? Oh, not bad. How are you?
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00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:53,530
We don't get it.
67
00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:59,749
Clifford, Clifford, you can't make me go
out there. Oh, please, Heather. These
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00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:03,109
pigs wrote this for you. Look at those
little pork rinds. They're knocking
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00:07:03,110 --> 00:07:04,160
themselves out.
70
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,570
So you say they studied with Lee
Stroth's pork?
71
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:08,880
Eight long years.
72
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,570
All right, I'll do it.
73
00:07:12,010 --> 00:07:13,630
But I'm keeping the costume.
74
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,360
Fine with me.
75
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,500
brings you before Queen Hawaii.
76
00:07:26,940 --> 00:07:27,990
Hawaii?
77
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,560
Not bad. How are you?
78
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:31,960
We still don't get it.
79
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,080
But I thought you wrote it.
80
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:38,779
Yeah, but we based it on one of those
Jane Austen things. Yeah, you know those
81
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:42,559
things that have the hard cardboard on
the outside and the soft, flat stuff on
82
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:43,459
the inside?
83
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:44,259
You mean a book?
84
00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:45,310
No, pizza.
85
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,560
Your script is based on a Jane Austen
pizza?
86
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,310
It is?
87
00:07:51,681 --> 00:07:59,129
Yo, yo, Zippity, hey, listen, if Evan
Lockley is looking for me, tell him I'm
88
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,550
a Neil Diamond concert.
89
00:08:01,290 --> 00:08:02,340
Oh, that's cold.
90
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,500
No.
91
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,450
No. No.
92
00:08:07,451 --> 00:08:09,869
What were you thinking when you wrote
this?
93
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:13,170
Nothing. Well, here's five pages with
nothing but doodles.
94
00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:15,620
No.
95
00:08:17,590 --> 00:08:19,940
Oh, well, this is funny. Let's start
right here.
96
00:08:19,970 --> 00:08:22,070
Oh, yeah, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay.
97
00:08:22,071 --> 00:08:23,209
All right.
98
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:24,260
Party, pig boy.
99
00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:26,990
Prepare to meet your fate.
100
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:32,970
I will sacrifice you to the most
horrible and terrifying monster of them
101
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:34,780
Frogzilla!
102
00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:38,260
Gee,
103
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,589
this is fun.
104
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,630
I never get to play the bad guy.
105
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,920
QA station Zebra. I don't want you.
106
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:51,539
get to the problem at hand we are going
to use hypnosis to integrate the good
107
00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,040
and evil sides of
108
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,690
Right, here it is.
109
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:19,280
You two make a pretty good living here,
tampering with snacks.
110
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:20,550
Well,
111
00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:25,199
you either cut me in on the action or I
will shut you down so fast you won't
112
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,250
know what hit you.
113
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,710
Quick, Vicki, go back to the knife,
Heather.
114
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:35,160
You know who doesn't get enough credit?
115
00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:36,720
The Osmonds.
116
00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:41,120
Ellen, don't you just love the way
babies' heads smell?
117
00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:43,810
If you could bottle it, you could make a
mint.
118
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,960
Good. Now we can begin the final process
of integrating your personalities.
119
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,980
Heather Locklear, you're wanted on
stage.
120
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:55,960
Heather Locklear on stage for the final
number.
121
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,500
We couldn't afford a PA system.
122
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,090
Well, that's all right. You're special
in your own wonderful way.
123
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,960
Heather, you can't leave. You're still
hypnotized.
124
00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:10,120
Oh, this is most irregular.
125
00:11:23,340 --> 00:11:29,999
Right you are, Heather, for you see, I
was strolling through the park one day
126
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,100
in the very merry month of May.
127
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:40,959
I was bathed in my surprise by a pair of
flirty eyes while strolling through the
128
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,200
park one day.
129
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,580
What are you looking at, green boy?
130
00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:04,710
What?
131
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:09,719
Ooh. These modern dance routines are
getting nuttier every day. I don't think
132
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,559
that's part of the routine. I better go
and check on Bustin' and Beacon. All
133
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,610
right.
134
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:24,639
When she winked those big boobs at me,
it was
135
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,920
very, very plain to see.
136
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,000
That our love would surely grow like a
river it would flow.
137
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:34,720
And she'd be mine eternally.
138
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:42,520
We're going to hear from people.
139
00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:32,019
Bun, Bun, do what you got to do.
140
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:35,960
Well, Clifford, I'm afraid this case
calls for the trout -a -noggin
141
00:13:35,961 --> 00:13:38,199
What's the trout -a -noggin technique?
142
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,640
Well, Beaky takes a trout and whacks her
on the noggin.
143
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:42,890
Wow.
144
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,780
I feel completely normal again.
145
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:51,400
As if my personality had been integrated
by a fish.
146
00:13:51,401 --> 00:13:52,639
Told you so.
147
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,800
Oh, man, that's great, Bun, Bun.
148
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:58,599
Heather, it's been nice having you on
the show. Both of you. Well, thank you,
149
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,030
Clifford. We enjoyed it. Say goodnight,
Heather. Goodnight, Heather.
150
00:15:00,171 --> 00:15:06,879
Well, she locked herself in the bedroom
and she won't come out, Johnny.
151
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:07,930
What?
152
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:10,740
No, no, it's not Johnny. It's...
153
00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:15,340
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