All language subtitles for Muppets Tonight s02e02 Rick Moranis

Now, baby, you don't understand.

No, no, I can't come home early.

No, no, we got Rick Moranis on the show.

Not now. Will you stop bugging me?

Oh, no, no, no, not you, baby.

But you haven't even heard our idea,
sweetie.

I'm not talking to you, shrimp.

No, no, no, I wasn't calling you a
shrimp, baby.

Then why are you calling me baby?

Well, maybe he's calling me baby.

Oh. Pipe down, Dumbo.

No, no, no, not you, honey.

Oh, man.

I'm going to really pay for that later.
Hey, Clifford, are you finished?

Now, what do you two want? Oh, well, we
got a new act, Clifford. Yeah, yeah.

Seymour and Pepe. The amazing
whippersnappers.

Yeah. Okay, okay. So how does it work?
Oh, well, well, I hold up the big, melly

cigar in my mouth. Yeah, and then I whip
it away with my boo whip.

One inch at a time. No more, no less.

Yeah. Okay, fellas, whip it.

Pepe Quills.

Get in that whipper crack.

Whoops. I think I whipped the wrong end.

Pepe! Pepe!

I think we got a few things to fix,
okay?

It's Muppets Tonight with our very
special guest star, Rick Moranis!

If you're a human being, take a break
from the race. Take a load off your

wipe the look off your face. Got a lot
to do, and we do it for you.

Everybody take your place.

Muppets tonight.

Tonight,

tonight.

We got a show for you, guaranteed brand
new.

Okay, in five, four, three, two, one.

Welcome to Muppets Tonight with our
special guest, Rick Moranis.

That's right, give it up. You know, Rick
is known and loved for his family films

like Parenthood and Honey, I Strunk the
Kids.

Oh, and don't forget Little Shop of
Horrors. It's not a family film. You

know your movies.

You don't know my family.

Most folks don't know that Rick got his
big break on a TV show he did with the

Muppets in the early 70s. Let's watch,
shall we?

One purple, one green, one full
-figured, the Muppet Oddwad.

Starring special guest star Little Ricky
Moranis as Little Ricky Cool.

Man, we really stuck it to the
establishment this time, huh?

That little student protest I organized
left the bank wide open.

Come on, let's keep counting this bread.

One loaf, two loaves.

Are you dudes messing with my head?

Yeah, if you want us to mess, mess,
mess.

Hey, just iron this hair. Cut it out.

Okay,

you psychedelic sicko.

Revolution called on account of the
Muppet Odd Squad. Yeah, looks like the

went out of your flower, man.

Oh, man, this is turning into a bad
trip.

You think this is a bad trip? Try
driving to Yosemite with a car full of

Shut up!

You really sold out, Lint. You used to
be one of us, and now you're part of the

establishment.

Now I'm going to make this short,
because this oversized afro is killing

neck. But yes, I am a part of the
establishment and proud of it. Proud to

of the working men, frogs, and full
-figured pigs who live their lives in

daylight. Yeah, not in the blacklight.

Blacklight? Hey, let's groove!

All right,

enough grooving. Let's fight.

You don't get it, do you? You pigs will
never catch up with Little Ricky Cool.

Oh, yes, we will.

Not you, pig. Those pig.

Well, so much for Little Ricky Cool.
Let's go.

Don't you mean let Gugger? Right on.

Yeah.

There'll be plenty of time to shake your
groove thing later.

What are you guys doing in the guest
star's dressing room?

Oh, Clifford, we were just looking for
Mr. Rick Moranis. Well, last time I saw

him, he was walking his dog.

He has a dog? What kind?

I think it's a whippet.

It's a whippet.

Whippet girl.

Now, what do you need Rick for?

We need his advice. You see, Clifford,
we're having a bit of a problem with our

latest invention, the micro
-shrinkomatic machine.

Well, what's wrong with it?

Well, its effects are just a trifle
inconsistent.

Hmm, watch.

Uh -oh.

Oh, man,

Dr. Dew!

Well, look on the bright side, Beaky
Poo. At least one bottle of shampoo will

last you a very long time.

Yeah, Beaky, you can use pinhead and
shoulders.

Everyone, team, get ready to cue the cow
announcer in 3, 2, 1, cue!

And now, the makers of Movelteen, the
brown -flavored drink you'll swear is

almost chocolate -like, are proud to
bring you another exciting adventure of

Lash Holstein, Space Cow Dead!

Episode 26, How Now, Space Cow.

Excellent. Now on... All I need to do is
get the deed to your plutonium ranch,

and I, Mu -Ing the Merciless, evil
emperor of the planet Lactosia, will

the world!

You evil tyrant!

Stand back, boss. We're going to blow
this safe to kingdom come.

What happened?

I just remembered. I left the dynamite
in the car.

Idiot!

There, boss.

That ought to blow it sky high.

Well, it's about time.

Do it!

Where's the safe?

What's become of it?

It's on your head, boss.

Beautiful single ranch on a Dorothy
bovine.

Now that I have the deed to your ranch,
this plutonium ore mine of yours is

mine. What?

Your ore mine is my ore mine.

I have no idea what you're talking
about.

Look, you have a mine, correct?

Yes. And it contains plutonium ore.

Plutonium ore what?

Ah!

Eat that, Lash Holstein Space Gaudette.
What are you doing here?

I'm here to take back that deed, Mewing.
Ha! Over my boiled brisket, you will?

Get him, Bart!

You're dead meat, Holstein. Actually,
I'm red meat.

Well, better dead than red. Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Tune in next time, same cow time, same
cow channel, for another recurring

episode of Less Holstein Space Cow
Death!

You know what's sad?

What's that? I can't think of anything
I'd rather do than watch this dumb show.

Neither can I.

Hi, guys. Mind if we join you?

I just thought of something.

Here, sit down. Please, make yourself
comfortable. How nice you look today.

Hey, guys.

Hello, Rick Marana. Hey, can I ask you
something?

You know the medley I'm doing later in
the show, the salute to late 50s

crooners, obscure British bands, and
Bill Withers? I was wondering, which

sweater do you think would work better?
The pullover or the cardigan? Well,

let's see. The cardigan has a pericomo
feel, but the pullover screams Johnny

Mathis. Johnny Mathis! Johnny Mathis!

I'll go with the cardigan. Oh, Rick
Moranis.

You are such a humorful man.

We will never be big stars like you.

going to give a show to a couple of
cooks like, uh... Well, wait a second,

There's an idea right there.

Why don't you do a cooking show?

In fact, I'd be honored to be the first
celebrity guest.

But what if we don't have what it takes?

See? Well, all you need is a positive
attitude and high hopes.

Let me tell you a little story.

You have to? I'm afraid so.

Once there was a little old ant and
thought he'd move.

Ah! What'd you do that for?

There was an ant on the table. I smashed
it. It was a musical ant. He was there

for the song.

Oh.

Sorry.

Where was it?

That ant had high hopes. That dead ant
had high hopes. Before you smashed him,

he had high apple pie in the sky. I get
it. High hopes. Anytime we're feeling

low. Instead of letting go. Just
remember that ant. Yeah.

Whoops, there goes another ambulance.

Whoops, there goes another ambulance.
Whoops, there goes another ambulance.

Ambulance, Ant.

You know, Pepe, Rick is right. If we do
this cooking show, we can finally get

out of this humdrum, meaningless
existence and be somebody.

Yes, Seymour. From now on, it's you and
me calling the shots. And as God is my

witness, we'll never have to cook again.

Well, except on the cooking show.

What? Why's that?

Oh, skip it.

Oh, this is a weird place.

Thank you.

July 2nd, they arrive.

July 3rd, they attack.

July 4th, they begin therapy.

Well, tell me, Meepzorp, why did you
want to blow up Earth? Because you

humans never listened to our needs.

Now, now, now.

Let's try to talk this through.

How do you feel about what MeepSorps
just said, Mr. President?

Well, first of all, ask him why the
aliens never told us what they wanted.

just came and blew up the White House.
Hey, people cheered. Just the

Republicans. And the Perot people.

Leave Perot out of this. He's one of us.

And then ask him why they blew up New
York, Los Angeles, Moscow, London. Well,

think blowing up those cities was really
just MeepSorps' way of acting out his

inner anger.

Oh, fine, fine.

Make me... Me the bad guy.

Oh, gotta go. My ride's here.

Always gotta go. My ride's here. Always.
Just when we're getting somewhere.

Ask him why that is.

Coming soon.

Codependence Day.

This time, it's interpersonal.

That's right, baby.

Yeah, the show's half over. I'll be home
soon. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, man.

Good job.

Hey, thanks. You know, I turned down
Third Rock for this.

Well, we all make mistakes.

Good point.

What was that?

No, honey.

No, I can't tell you what's happening on
Space Cow Dats. No, baby.

No, no, you got to watch the show.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. You got to
watch... Hey!

Hey, knock it off, you two. Who do you
think you are? A band of holy cow?

Oh, come on, baby.

It wasn't that bad a joke.

I guess it was.

Hey, Kermit. Oh, hi, Rick. I gotta tell
you, I've done a lot of TV shows and

movies, but I've never seen a fruit
basket the likes of which you guys got

Oh, really? Yeah. Look at that thing.

It's beautiful.

Of course, I think, you know, it might
clog up my Juice Buddy 2000, but it's

thought. Thanks.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Ooh.

Well.

I think we need to make a few minor
adjustments to the micro -shrink -o

machine, Vicky.

Oh, don't worry, Vicky.

We'll get around to fixing your head.

Eventually.

Okay, stand by the announcer for the
conclusion of Space Scout. That's

Could you get me an apple?

Oh, Eugene.

Thank you!

And now, another exciting episode of
Lash Holstein Space Scout.

They'll never hear you. They've got at
least another hour left in that fight.

Now, get in that ship. I'm taking you
back to Lactosia, where you will become

my bride.

Mother!

Move along!

Flooded it. Violence!

Where are those intergalactic jumper
cables?

Dorothy,

which one of these is positive?

I'll never tell you. Never!

Oh, good grief.

Hey, farm person!

Would you give me a jump start?

Forget that. I don't give junk duck
cows.

Especially ones wearing sissy capes.

This cape belonged to my father, Hazel,
the well -accessorized.

Hazel?

Hazel.

I'm about to kick your sweet acidophilus
right out of this galaxy, buddy.

Look out, Lash. He's got a ray gun.

Look out.

We're going to crash.

Next week, join Lash Holstein and his
dairy devils for another pasteurized

adventure of Lash Holstein.

How dare!

Boy, that show was bad.

I wonder whatever happened to those
cows.

Hear your states?

No. It couldn't be. Why not?

Because these are well done.

Muppet Classic Theater presents Howard
Tubman in Boar's Head Revisited.

Apple butter and apple butter ability.

Oh! Oh, Carter, I eat entirely too much
apple butter. I'll go fetch another jar,

sir. Oh!

I've just noticed I'm entirely too fat.

Carter, I want you to take this last jar
of apple butter and hide it. And no

matter how much I beg, don't tell me
where it is.

Promise? Promise indeed, sir. Oh, thank
you. All righty. Go ahead.

Hide away.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care.

Jimmy crack corn.

Is it hidden?

Yes, sir.

Good.

All right, where is it?

You made me promise not to tell you,
sir.

Well, I changed my mind. Tell me. Come
on. I'm afraid I can't tell you, sir.

Then I'll just tear this place apart if
I have to.

Carter, tear this place apart.

Very good, sir.

Okay.

Say, you're a...

You're not avoiding the place where you
hid the apple butter, are you, Carter?

It hadn't occurred to me, sir.

Okay.

Okay,

okay, okay, okay.

You win, Carter.

You don't have to tell me where the
apple butter is.

Shame, though.

I was going to give you your first day
off in 40 years.

I taped it to the small of your back,
sir.

Really?

Isn't that clever?

Okay, okay, grab it, would you, Carter?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I have the rest of the day off.

What? Good night, sir.

No, no, the, uh, just grab the apple
butter here.

Carter.

Carter, did... I'll get it myself
tonight.

No.

Okay.

Samba.

Come in.

You wanted to see me, Rick? Yeah, Kerm.
I wanted to thank you personally for

allowing me to do my salute to the late
50s crooners, obscure British bands, and

Bill Withers. Yeah, but Rick, we
canceled that number.

What? I hear you're guesting on Seymour
and Pepe's cooking show instead.

But I thought I could do both.

But we don't have enough time for both.

The only reason I'm on this show is
because of that medley.

Okay, I'll see what I can do, Rick.
Well, I'm going to call my agent.

Te amo.

Te amonenes.

William Morris is creative artist.

Morty, how could you let this happen?
Can I be honest with you, Rick? Between

you and me, all things being equal, I
wasn't listening.

I'm on a conference call right now.
What's the problem? They cut the medley.

what medley? The medley I was supposed
to do in the show.

I didn't make the deal. I was on a
conference call like I am now. I had to

in your lawyer.

Ha, ha, ha. What's the matter with you,
baby?

Phil, you gotta help me out here.

Oh, ha, ha, ha. Just leave that little
frog to me.

Mm -hmm. Hi, all.

Oh, little one.

We hear you canceled Rick's number.

Oh, yeah, we had to. There's not enough
time left in the show.

He's playing hardball with us, Rick.
We'll play hardball back.

Oh, right.

Permit. Either our client performs his
number or we'll make it rain frogs for

seven days and seven nights.

Oh, good.

A family reunion. That'll be fun.

Okay, okay, all right. How about this?
How about this? A plague of locusts upon

your people.

Locusts? Yummy.

This guy's tough, Rick. He's very
shrewd. Forget it. I'll handle it

We've still got our ten percent.

Yeah, you're second born. Whichever
comes first.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Hello.

Hello, and welcome to our very own
cooking show.

Yeah. Richard.

Hi.

I'm Seymour. I'm Pepe. Our guest is Rick
Moranis. We hope you like our cooking

show. So Kermit does not can us. Ta -da.

Tonight, we are going to make a delicacy
enjoyed in many of the finest

restaurants in the world. That gourmet
treat, bread.

And to show us how to make bread, here's
our guest celebrity cook, Rick Morales.

Hey,

it's so fab to be here on Hey, What
Smells.

What kind of a name is that?

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's Hey, What
Smells So Good.

It's time to cook with Seymour and Pepe.

But the letters were too big, so that's
all we can fit on the sign, okay? Well,

what the heck. You know, the real way to
make boss bread is with plenty of

yeast. And while we're waiting for the
dough to rise, I'd like to say that...

Through the years, there have been a lot
of great singers.

Here's a little tribute to the golden
throats of days gone by.

Is this enough yeast?

No, no, Rick said plenty of yeast.

I'm leaning on the lamppost on the
corner of the street in case a certain

lady goes away, little girl.

Goes away, little girl.

You're hurting me more each minute.

That you delay.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

Here we come again.

Catch us if you can.

Time to get a move on. We're going out
of our way, little girl.

Comb your hair, fix your makeup.

I saw the light shine from a window.

And I know, I know, I know, I know.

Don't worry, we'll help you. Beaker,
power on.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

No, no, no. You ruined the recipe.

Hold on, honey. You're not going to
believe what just happened to Pepe.

Let's pray.

work a shrinking machine, Bunsen?

You gotta set it to maximum Banfield
width.

What does that mean?

Turn this sucker up.

Oh.

Well,

I guess I might as well sing the medley
again.

I'm leaning on the lamppost on the
corner of the street in case a certain

lady goes away, little girl.

Goes away a little girl.

Hey, Clifford. Yeah, Rick. I had a swell
time. I got you a little something.

And if you don't mind, I'm going to keep
the cardigan. Gary, I'll call you next

week about the roast.

Beautiful, Ricky.

Yeah, thanks, Rick. And thanks for the
present.

Hey, baby, Rick Moranis just left me
with a present.

All in all, Clifford, I think the
cooking show is a success, don't you

I got a small problem here, baby. But
it's a big small problem.

That's always the way. Just when we're
getting somewhere, he has to leave.

I seem to have melded to the knocker
hide.

Oh, God, yes.

Now all I have to do is get the deed to
your plutonium ranch.

And I, Mu -Ing, evil emperor of the
world, Lactosia...

What the... Okay, okay, okay.

And I, Mu -Ing, the merciless, evil...
It's okay, we'll get

it. Evil emperor of the vast black...
What the...