All language subtitles for Muppets Tonight s01e10 Martin Short.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,969 --> 00:00:06,489 Let me just say right off the bat that my client Martin Short is a huge fan of 2 00:00:06,490 --> 00:00:07,540 the Moffat. 3 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:11,749 He's always talking about Moffat's, Moffat's this, Moffat's that, little 4 00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,710 Moffat. That's Moffat's. He loves them too. 5 00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:18,590 I'm particularly wild about that chubby pig. 6 00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:22,810 She is the hoot. I don't like the green one though. He frightens me. 7 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,330 What's his name? That would be me. 8 00:00:26,670 --> 00:00:27,930 Yes, I don't like... Fuck you. 9 00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:32,758 Anyway, these are the requirements of my client. He needs a super huge deluxe 10 00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:35,080 dressing room. He needs a catered kosher meal. 11 00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:40,700 He's not Jewish, but he's just on a little bit of a kick. And $100 ,000 per 12 00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:42,270 Uh, 13 00:00:42,420 --> 00:00:45,040 Gonzo, what do we have in the budget for Mr. Short? 14 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:51,219 Well, let's see. We've got tap water, pretzel rods, and all the coins he can 15 00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:52,270 find in the sofa. 16 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,580 You've got yourself a deal. 17 00:00:57,380 --> 00:00:58,430 Oh, good. 18 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,490 It's Muppets Tonight with our special guest star, Martin Short. 19 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:04,850 Yay! 20 00:01:09,020 --> 00:01:13,780 If you're a human being, take a break from the race. Take a load off your 21 00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:18,300 wipe the look off your face. Got a lot to do, and we do it for you. 22 00:01:18,820 --> 00:01:20,600 Everybody take your place. 23 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,000 Muppets Tonight. 24 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,480 We've got a show for you, guaranteed brand new. 25 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,580 Hang on the Muppet tonight. 26 00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:33,990 Yeah! 27 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,660 We've got a show for you, guaranteed brand new. 28 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,520 Hang on the Muppet. 29 00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:09,989 Welcome to Muppets Tonight, the show that puts the fab in fabulous, the 30 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:12,530 in marvelous, and the awe in awful. 31 00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:14,909 No, no, no, no. Clipper, Clipper, that's awesome. 32 00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:16,960 Thanks, Rizzo. You ain't so bad yourself. 33 00:02:19,370 --> 00:02:23,030 Our special guest star tonight is Mr. 34 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:24,340 Martin Short. 35 00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:26,370 Yeah. Give it up. 36 00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:31,190 But first, here's our very own surgical soap opera. 37 00:02:31,950 --> 00:02:37,279 It's time for another point. Endless episode of Barnyard Hospital Drama on E 38 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,840 -E -R -O -R. 39 00:02:38,841 --> 00:02:42,099 The headphones connected to the... Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong with you? What 40 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,059 does it look like? I'm a lame duck. Go sit down. What'll that do? 41 00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:46,200 Make you a sitting duck. 42 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:51,200 Whack. What'd you call me? Hey, take it easy. It's just a noise I make. Oh. 43 00:02:51,201 --> 00:02:52,439 Incompetent fool. 44 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,060 What? Just another duck noise. 45 00:02:55,800 --> 00:03:00,420 Well, congratulations, Mr. Rabbit. You're the proud father of... 46 00:03:05,481 --> 00:03:09,139 Your husband survived the operation. 47 00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:11,539 Unfortunately, we had to remove his nose. My nose? 48 00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:13,760 He has no nose. Then how does it smell? 49 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,040 Terrible. Oh, what a looker. 50 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,480 That's what I get for going to an HMO. 51 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,530 And a girl. 52 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,650 And a boy. 53 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,540 Here's another girl. That's sweet. A boy. Oh, and one we can't tell. 54 00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:29,470 Hi, Dad. 55 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:31,950 And a girl. 56 00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:33,270 And a boy. 57 00:03:33,271 --> 00:03:37,989 There's a minute of your life you can't have fact because you were watching E -I 58 00:03:37,990 --> 00:03:39,250 -E -I -O -R. 59 00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:41,910 Tune in next time when you'll hear Dr. 60 00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:46,709 Fozzie say... Nurse, this patient should only pay one -fourth of his bill. Why's 61 00:03:46,710 --> 00:03:47,589 that, Doctor? 62 00:03:47,590 --> 00:03:49,030 Because he's a quarter horse. 63 00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:50,660 Ah! 64 00:03:52,770 --> 00:03:58,050 Johnny Fiamma's just arrived. Make way for the one, the only Johnny Fiamma. 65 00:03:58,051 --> 00:03:58,809 out of the way, you! 66 00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:00,610 All right, watch your step there, Ma. 67 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,159 Oh, be careful, huh? Hello, sir. I am selling chocolates so that my school can 68 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,720 buy new books. Hey, hey, hey, hey. 69 00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:11,739 Over my dead body, Johnny Fiamma buys one of them chocolates. Now get out of 70 00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:12,790 here, you punk. 71 00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:20,739 Johnny Fiamma coming through. Hey, hey, Sal, what'd you dropkick him for? He's 72 00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,139 just a kid selling chocolates. 73 00:04:22,140 --> 00:04:24,000 Yeah, right, Johnny, and I'm a monkey. 74 00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:29,210 Okay, Johnny Fiamma coming through. Come on, Ma. How's your bad arm, all right? 75 00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:30,960 Can I please have quiet, everyone? 76 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,420 Cue the Ed Grimley sketch. 77 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,100 Quiet! Get out of here! 78 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:41,460 Muppets Tonight is proud to present The Misadventures of Ed Grimley. 79 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:45,080 Ah, the doorbell. What fun. 80 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,440 Gee, I love the ring of a doorbell. Isn't it exciting? 81 00:04:48,441 --> 00:04:50,599 Because you never know who's going to be there. 82 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:51,740 Could it be a murderer? 83 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,960 Or perhaps Il Postino himself. 84 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,840 Let's find out, shall we? 85 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,900 Telegram for Mr. Ed Grimley. Well, that's me, Lofty. Off you go. 86 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:08,339 Dear Edward, your great -uncle Balfour from Canada has departed his eternal 87 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:12,140 reward, leaving you the sum of $85 a month, eh? 88 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,680 Canadian, no less. 89 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:20,859 P .S. You won't get one red cent unless you've been married by 6 p .m. 6 p 90 00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:23,340 .m.? Oh, give me a break. It's five to six now. 91 00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:25,920 And I'm as single as singles can be, you know. 92 00:05:25,921 --> 00:05:27,279 What to do? 93 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:31,000 Oh, the doorbell. Gee, I love the ring of a doorbell. There's always... Well, 94 00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,110 I've covered that. 95 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:38,040 Hello. I am the young swinging bachelorette who just moved in upstairs. 96 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:39,820 Talk about luck. 97 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:45,640 What happened to you? I hope you wrote down the license plate. 98 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,040 A sense of humor. That's very good. Good on you. 99 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:51,460 I came to borrow a hammer. 100 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:56,259 Oh, a hammer. Oh, well, listen, I have lots of hammers. If I had a hammer... 101 00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:59,760 Well, you just stay there, and I'll get you your hammer. 102 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:03,560 One minute to six. I got to work quick, I must say. 103 00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:08,610 Well, here's one more reason to stay single. 104 00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:12,500 Oh, lovely lady. 105 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,720 Lovely, lovely piggy lady. 106 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:33,010 Quick question before your hasty exit, lovely lady. What? Would you marry me? 107 00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:36,820 Marry you? Are you nuts? I didn't even get the hammer. 108 00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:39,580 Well, that seems sad. 109 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,120 Now I guess I don't inherit Uncle Balfour's fortune. 110 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,600 Did you say something about fortune? 111 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,880 Only if I marry before six. 112 00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:52,339 Well, let's get this show on the road. Where's the preacher? 113 00:06:52,340 --> 00:06:57,119 Well, fortunately, my goldfish, Moby, is a sea captain and can perform the 114 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,850 ceremony. Do you take him? 115 00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:00,229 I'm going to. 116 00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,290 Do you take her? 117 00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:02,790 Surely. You're married. 118 00:07:02,791 --> 00:07:04,089 All right! 119 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:08,289 Now, how much is that fortune you've inherited, husband dearest? Well, my 120 00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:11,410 wifelet, how does $85 grab you? 121 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,890 What? I've got more than that on me. Hey! 122 00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:19,970 Shh. All right. Now, how long will it take to get this thing an old? 20 123 00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:23,600 20 minutes? Where's the long? Let's see you try to ride underwater. 124 00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:25,909 What am I supposed to do for 20 minutes here? 125 00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:29,549 Well... Lovely one, might I entice you with some tuna casserole and some 126 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,490 dancing? You can dance? 127 00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,090 Can I dance? 128 00:07:33,410 --> 00:07:34,610 One moment, please. 129 00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,140 What? Where? 130 00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:40,250 Oh, what am I at? 131 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:47,710 Oh, Ed Grimley sure is, uh, how do I say this? He's unusual. 132 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,600 He's, uh, different. He's, uh... Nuttier than a fruitcake. Yeah, that's it. 133 00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:01,670 gentlemen. Thank you. 134 00:08:01,671 --> 00:08:05,819 I'd like to do a little something that I think we all could use a little more 135 00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:12,439 of. Two, three. What the world needs now is love, sweet 136 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,879 love. Hey, hey, hey. How about singing in the right tempo for a while? Who is 137 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,930 that? 138 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,840 Don't worry, Johnny. I got him. Come here, you creep. 139 00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,540 What a smarty pants. Bring him up here, Sal. 140 00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:25,260 Yeah, here he is. Here he is. Here's the guy. 141 00:08:25,261 --> 00:08:29,039 Yeah, this is the guy. This is him. Wait a minute. Wait. This don't sound like 142 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:33,400 him. Yeah, yeah, he's just pretending. Come on, talk, you. All right, look, 143 00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,879 look, look, look. I don't know if you're the right one or not. 144 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,520 But when I'm singing, you don't talk. 145 00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:39,910 You understand? 146 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,770 All right, get out of here. Get him out of here. Go ahead. 147 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,300 Sorry, folks. Let's pick this up. Two, three. 148 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,960 What the world needs now. 149 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,919 Hey, where are you going? You come back here. 150 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,940 All right, hold it. Stop it back there. 151 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,300 Fellas, you know what, folks? 152 00:08:56,301 --> 00:08:59,929 The throw of this tune is gone, and I don't even feel like singing anymore. 153 00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,969 Listen, you've been a great audience. Good night, everybody. 154 00:09:02,970 --> 00:09:06,610 Johnny Fiamma's finished singing. You all have been a great audience. 155 00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:07,980 Oh, I'm exhausted. 156 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,089 All right, let's go heat up the sauce, Mama. 157 00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,970 Johnny Fiamma coming through. 158 00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:13,870 Mama's going to heat up the sauce. 159 00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:15,350 Going to heat up the sauce. 160 00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:21,990 Hey, hello again, and welcome to Swift Wits, the fastest game show on TV. 161 00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:25,729 I'm your host, Nookie Blyer, and it's time for the championship round. 162 00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:29,209 Unfortunately, we have no champions, because none of the chuckleheads who've 163 00:09:29,210 --> 00:09:31,369 appeared on our show has ever gotten the correct answer. 164 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:36,209 So, today, I'm going to be the contestant, and Mr. Chester Tumwater 165 00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:37,710 audience will give me the clue. 166 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,370 And I'll be playing for Magda, an adorable mole. 167 00:09:41,371 --> 00:09:47,809 In the unlikely event that I don't get the answer, Magda will be eaten by Carl 168 00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:51,149 the Big Mean Bunny. But if I win, and I will, then I don't have to host this 169 00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,089 stupid show anymore. 170 00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:55,870 Now, let's give the audience today's answer, which I will not hear. 171 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,790 The answer is artichoke. 172 00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:00,410 Okay, Chester. 173 00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:02,590 We have ten seconds. Give me the clues. 174 00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:05,900 Chester? 175 00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:07,910 Any time now, Chester. 176 00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:10,110 Give me the clue, Chester. 177 00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:12,350 We're running out of time here. 178 00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:13,910 Chester, give me the clue. 179 00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,680 What are you waiting for there? 180 00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,420 It's my big chance to get off the show. 181 00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:20,510 You're ruining me. 182 00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,710 Chester, you idiot. 183 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,700 Why didn't you give me the clues? 184 00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:29,180 Because my name's not Chester. It's Lester. 185 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,730 Shoot, I'd never answer to the name Chester. 186 00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:34,640 That's a girl's name, son. Oh, I give up. 187 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,150 Eat them all. 188 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,220 Mr. Short. Hey, how's it going, okay? 189 00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:01,319 Oh, it's going fine, yeah. I'm a little bit nervous about the big Fred Astaire 190 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,919 number at the end of the show. You know, I'm not really a dancer. 191 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,810 If you could just take me to the rehearsal room. No problem. 192 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,520 Certainly, sir. Rehearsal hall, that'll be on two. 193 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,480 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Dance rehearsal is on seven. 194 00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:16,740 Oh, no, no, no. The parking floor is being waxed today. It's on two. 195 00:11:16,741 --> 00:11:18,079 No, no, no. 196 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,060 The wax machine is broken. Seven. 197 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,140 And I got a new machine, too. 198 00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,470 I'm telling you, it's severed. 199 00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:32,210 Hey, guys, have you seen Martin Short? 200 00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:34,890 Great day in the morning. 201 00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,010 Does anyone have a glass of water? 202 00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:39,030 A little teeny one? 203 00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:42,110 Wow, now he's Martin Extremely Short. 204 00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:52,470 If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on, baby, sexy. 205 00:11:52,940 --> 00:11:54,620 Oh, hi, Mr. Callahan. How you doing? 206 00:11:54,621 --> 00:11:55,439 The usual? 207 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,260 No? Well, let me give you something a little different. 208 00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:02,360 I call this my ice -blended JoJo. There you go. 209 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,100 You're going to love it. 210 00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,400 Or maybe not. 211 00:12:08,401 --> 00:12:10,259 What's that? 212 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,339 Clueless? Yeah, he's in the back. I'll call him. 213 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:15,440 Clueless! Yeah, Polly, what is it? Oh, oh, oh. 214 00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:18,280 Thank you. Hi, Mr. Callahan. 215 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:19,750 Letter. 216 00:12:21,539 --> 00:12:22,740 I like it. 217 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:26,439 Hey, Clueless. Yes? I hear you went into the manufacturing business. 218 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:27,219 Yes, that's right. 219 00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:28,420 You must have made a mint. 220 00:12:28,421 --> 00:12:32,159 Well, no. Actually, it was shoelaces. And they weren't mint. They were peanut 221 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,890 butter. Peanut butter shoelaces? Who would buy peanut butter shoelaces? 222 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,260 Well, the same people who buy jelly socks. 223 00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:41,070 I'm supposed to laugh at that? You might. 224 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,740 Sing. All righty. 225 00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:47,320 Oh, my papa. 226 00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:51,890 To me he was so... Wonderful. 227 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:55,710 That was a real hit. 228 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,150 I'm not supposed to laugh at that. 229 00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:04,490 Hey, welcome back to Muppets Tonight. 230 00:13:04,491 --> 00:13:08,009 Martin Short is a little under the weather. Under the weather? It's more 231 00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:09,060 he's under the couch. 232 00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:19,229 Anywho, let's take a look at a TV show Marty made in 1963 when he was just a 233 00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,199 child actor. 234 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,040 a show to co -star Kermit the Frog. 235 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,880 Let's watch, shall we? 236 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:31,319 It's time for Clippers, starring Kermit the Frog and introducing little Marty 237 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,880 Short as little Sandy Johnson. 238 00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:39,720 Tonight's episode, there's a family boat mishap on the rocks. 239 00:13:41,491 --> 00:13:46,319 Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. 240 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,370 Something's wrong? 241 00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:48,720 What is it, boy? 242 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,290 A small ding. He crashed on the rocks on the north end of the island. 243 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,640 Bud, Bud, come quickly. I think Flipper's trying to tell us something. 244 00:13:56,940 --> 00:14:00,900 What is it? I don't know, but Flipper seems pretty upset. 245 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,199 I'm awfully upset because you're not listening to me. Bud, maybe he wants 246 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,600 fish. Oh, no thanks, guys. 247 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,660 I brought my own lunch. 248 00:14:10,219 --> 00:14:11,269 Here, Flippers. 249 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,300 It'll help you grow up to be a big, strong dolphin. 250 00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:16,400 I'm not a dolphin. I'm a frog. 251 00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:19,820 Hey, boys, I just heard on the radio there's trouble. 252 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:24,560 A boat on the North Shore. Some sort of family mishap on the rocks. 253 00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:26,699 That's what I've been trying to tell these two. 254 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,000 What's that, Flippers? You want more fish? 255 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,920 No, no, no, no. Hey, I got an idea. 256 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,300 And Flipper can help. 257 00:14:33,301 --> 00:14:37,439 Flippers, this is what you do. There's a boat at the South Bay Marina. I want 258 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,019 you to take a bus to the boat, untie it, and start that engine. And don't forget 259 00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,070 to find the pump. 260 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,480 Wait a minute. I got a better idea. 261 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:49,239 Rent a plane, fly to the island, and find those people. But I already know 262 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,079 they are. 263 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,760 No, no, you've had enough fish. 264 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,040 Go, boy. Save those people. 265 00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:55,790 Good grief. 266 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,480 No, Rizzo, wait a minute. Hey, hey, you! 267 00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:01,670 Hey! 268 00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:07,239 things happen to good guest stars. Hey, hey, don't worry, Chief. You know, Bobo 269 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,639 said he was going to get Martin Short back to his normal size. 270 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,130 Yeah, Bobo also said he could fix the toaster to work on nuclear power. 271 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,000 Hey, this toaster's delicious. 272 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,260 And it glows in the dark. 273 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,160 All righty. Have a good day, sir. 274 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:29,139 Well, the old plunger on the head trick works every time. So Marty's back to 275 00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,140 normal? Hey, see for yourself. 276 00:15:33,359 --> 00:15:34,409 Oh. 277 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,439 Dancer, oh, boy, I'm a dancer. Dance with me, dance with me, dance with me, 278 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,480 dance with me. I am a dancer. 279 00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:41,830 I am a dancer. 280 00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,420 Well, that's normal for Marty. 281 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:49,039 Come on, Reigns, we got a show to do. Right. And it's all about now, Mr. 282 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,040 Short, your big dance number. 283 00:15:53,480 --> 00:16:00,259 When I think of all those grueling years of training, dancing, waxing your 284 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,310 body. 285 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,410 And no one cared. 286 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,550 Well, they're going to care tonight, baby. 287 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,820 I said no disturbances. 288 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:14,099 Johnny P. Hammer coming through. Johnny P. Hammer coming into Martin's short 289 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,150 dressing room. 290 00:16:15,151 --> 00:16:18,819 Oh, hello, Marty. May I call you Marty? Sure, Johnny. Terrific. I'd like you to 291 00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:19,870 meet my ma. 292 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,880 She's a very big fan of yours ever since you did that apocalypse now. 293 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,330 Come, come. 294 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,530 Yes. 295 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,820 Say gun, dear Lynn, say gun. 296 00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:31,429 That's right, Ma. 297 00:16:31,430 --> 00:16:32,480 Yeah, 298 00:16:32,481 --> 00:16:36,369 what is it, Marty? It's not me. It's Martin Sheen she's thinking of. 299 00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,109 Oh, really? 300 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:37,869 Yeah. 301 00:16:37,870 --> 00:16:42,029 Well, look, don't say nothing. That'll break her heart. She just got the video 302 00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:43,080 disc. 303 00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:46,129 I would love to talk, but, you know, I have pancake makeup on. Well, look, 304 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,470 Marty, my Ma made you a special sauce. 305 00:16:48,471 --> 00:16:52,029 She wants you sure to eat. Go ahead, huh? I'm sorry. I really don't have the 306 00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:58,870 time. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, Marty, when Mama says you eat, you eat. 307 00:16:58,871 --> 00:17:00,239 You hear? 308 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,040 I think a rain check. Hey, you! 309 00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:07,460 When Johnny says, when Mama says, you eat, you eat, you hear? You eat, you 310 00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:08,790 I hear! 311 00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:09,950 I eat! 312 00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:13,889 Hey, 313 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:19,200 Johnny, he likes it. Hey, Ma, he likes it. 314 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,640 Well, good day. 315 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,010 It is time. 316 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,680 It is time now for politics and punditry from the eagle's nest. 317 00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:38,400 Unfortunately, my only guests tonight are messers Andy and Randy Pig. 318 00:17:38,401 --> 00:17:41,779 Messer, messer, messer, messer, messer, messer, messer, messer, messer. 319 00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:43,880 What happened to Bob Novak? 320 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,210 He's sick. 321 00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:46,900 I know that, but why isn't he here? 322 00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:54,459 Oh, anyway, today's topic is the international peace accord signed this 323 00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:57,590 Geneva. Will the piece of cord hold Andy Pig? 324 00:17:57,970 --> 00:17:59,020 Let's see. 325 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:03,030 Oh. What are you doing? 326 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:07,770 Oh, I'm seeing if the piece of cord will hold Mr. Andy Pig, like you said. 327 00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:09,610 That's not what I meant. 328 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:14,610 Hey, why don't we see if a piece of cord will hold Mr. Birdie? Yeah. Come on. 329 00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:16,130 What are you doing? 330 00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,670 No way. Stop. 331 00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,750 I'm an endangered species. 332 00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:23,850 Oh, great mother of mercy. 333 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,340 Hey, Mr. Bertie, what's the next topic? 334 00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:28,560 It was arms control. 335 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,540 Oh, good, because I can't control my arms. 336 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,220 My arms are out of control, too. 337 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,750 Hey, can next week's topic be head control? 338 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,810 Oh, yeah. 339 00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:43,040 Oh, why didn't I take the bowling troll they offered me? 340 00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:50,870 Huh. 341 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:52,570 What? 342 00:18:52,571 --> 00:18:55,289 Hey, hey, what the heck? What is going on in there? 343 00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:58,180 Marty's still eating Mama's sauce. What's it to you, rat? 344 00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,790 Don't talk tough to me, monkey. 345 00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:03,450 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 346 00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:04,840 Oh, yeah? 347 00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,170 Yeah. Oh, yeah? 348 00:19:06,490 --> 00:19:07,540 Yeah! 349 00:19:07,541 --> 00:19:11,449 We're almost ready for the final number, Clifford. Where's Martin Stewart? 350 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:12,510 Oh, Nigel, cool down. 351 00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:15,120 Rizzo went to check on him. Well, where's Rizzo? 352 00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,200 In here. 353 00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:19,950 I'll straighten this out. QQ the Two -Headed Comet. 354 00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:23,979 The two -headed comic, where did he come from? Oh, we found him standing next to 355 00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:25,480 the nuclear -powered toaster. 356 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,340 Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind. 357 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,699 Say, who was that lady I saw you with last night? That was no lady. That was 358 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:35,750 you. 359 00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:36,830 Oh, sorry. 360 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,260 Here, have some toast. 361 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,360 Yo, Martin, we need you out on stage. 362 00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:45,340 You're on in five... hundred pounds? 363 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:49,020 Wow, now he's Martin Short and Fat. 364 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,360 Man, what are we going to do now? 365 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:56,739 Don't worry, Clifford. I promise you a dance number, and a dance number I shall 366 00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:57,790 perform. 367 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,660 Hey, what smells so good? 368 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,590 And now here he is, the all -singing, all -dancing Mr. Martin Short. 369 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:08,730 Yay! 370 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,080 That thing out with my baby. 371 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,540 Can't do wrong. 372 00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:15,790 Goodbye, man. 373 00:20:16,889 --> 00:20:22,530 For sure, not for maybe, that I'm all dressed up tonight. 374 00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:24,300 Oh, good grief. 375 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,930 Does he look a tad heavier to you? 376 00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:27,320 He's fine, tad. 377 00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:28,380 About two tons. 378 00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:30,970 And yes, I'd say he looks a tad heavier. Uh -oh. 379 00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:36,010 For sure, not for maybe, that I'm all dressed up tonight. 380 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,270 I'm sailing to the line. 381 00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:43,189 Number two, you're not getting all of them in shot. Pull back. Pull back. Pull 382 00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,240 back. 383 00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,810 Okay, that's far enough. 384 00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,100 I'll get him up. 385 00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:55,310 Yes. The big night will be tonight. 386 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,250 Slapping out with my baby. 387 00:21:00,470 --> 00:21:03,010 Can't go wrong, could be so right. 388 00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:06,250 Ask him when will the day be. 389 00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:08,830 The big day will be tonight. 390 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,450 Piggy seems thin. 391 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,080 Ha! Come off it. He's not that big. 392 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,680 I heard that! 393 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:44,180 The big day may be too long. 394 00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:48,470 Mama! 395 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,340 Now he's Martin Short and lying motionless in the basement. 396 00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:58,210 Oh, well, that's okay. Everything's under control. 397 00:21:58,211 --> 00:22:01,939 We need it for Clifford to come out and say his goodnight. Oh, we can't find 398 00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:03,240 Clifford. What? 399 00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:07,150 Somebody find him. Somebody get him out here right now. Somebody find him. 400 00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:08,870 Whoa. 401 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,120 There he is. Oh, my gosh. 402 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,570 Well, 403 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:21,120 that's our show. How about a big round of applause for our big round guest 404 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,740 Mr. Martin Short. 405 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,370 Give it up. 406 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,120 Yo, Marty, Marty. 407 00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:32,409 It was great having you on the show. Oh, thanks, Clifford. I felt like I grew as 408 00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:33,460 an entertainer. 409 00:22:33,510 --> 00:22:35,500 You look like you've grown as a land man. 410 00:22:36,490 --> 00:22:37,690 Don't start with me, you. 411 00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:40,300 Uh -oh. 412 00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:41,480 Floor creaking. 413 00:22:41,481 --> 00:22:42,749 Not good. 414 00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:43,800 Then say good night. 415 00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:45,020 Good night. 416 00:22:45,510 --> 00:22:47,090 Good night, everybody. 417 00:22:47,290 --> 00:22:48,340 Hey, 418 00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:51,090 what's going on? There's a hole over here. 419 00:22:58,230 --> 00:23:00,950 I would have only changed one thing. 420 00:23:00,951 --> 00:23:02,009 What's that? 421 00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:03,060 The channel. 422 00:23:06,910 --> 00:23:07,960 Gentlemen, 423 00:23:10,110 --> 00:23:14,270 do you know what the problem is these days? 424 00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:16,650 They put this show back on the air? 425 00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:21,350 No, it's the fact that the kids don't have a chance to fail. 426 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:27,789 In the old days, we had a little thing that you used to call a... 427 00:23:27,790 --> 00:23:33,170 vaudeville. And if you couldn't spin a plate, you didn't eat. 428 00:23:33,430 --> 00:23:39,150 Which is what I told the great Sophie Tucker in a song I wrote for her. 429 00:23:40,490 --> 00:23:45,370 For the Broadway show entitled Wigwam Serenade. 430 00:23:45,710 --> 00:23:48,790 Give me a seat. A bouncy seat. 431 00:23:52,210 --> 00:23:58,190 Sophie Tucker was quite a girl. A red hot mama who could make a plate. twirl. 432 00:23:58,210 --> 00:24:01,090 The kids today, they don't have a clue. 433 00:24:01,310 --> 00:24:07,829 With those 9 -H nails and the band U2, my scrambled eggs were runny 434 00:24:07,830 --> 00:24:08,880 today. 435 00:24:09,490 --> 00:24:14,150 Da -da -da, dee -dee -dee, whatever the heck else you want to put in there. 436 00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:19,010 Good idea. 437 00:24:19,610 --> 00:24:21,850 I think I'll join you. 438 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,219 I love you, Ma. Join us again tomorrow night at 7 .30 when the wonderful world 439 00:24:37,220 --> 00:24:41,459 of Disney presents Candle Shoes. And stay tuned as we get on the bus to a 440 00:24:41,460 --> 00:24:42,900 dimension so weird. 441 00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,900 Next on the Disney Channel. 442 00:24:45,140 --> 00:24:48,460 Oh, my arm is shot on that thing. Sorry there, Mr. Piyama. 443 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:49,730 Stupid monkey. 444 00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:53,360 I got gas. 445 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:55,410 Oh, good. 446 00:24:56,100 --> 00:24:58,000 Lovely, lovely, lovely frog. 447 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,480 So the pond has not been cleaned. 448 00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:08,080 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35231

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