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Let me just say right off the bat that
my client Martin Short is a huge fan of
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the Moffat.
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He's always talking about Moffat's,
Moffat's this, Moffat's that, little
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00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,710
Moffat. That's Moffat's. He loves them
too.
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00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:18,590
I'm particularly wild about that chubby
pig.
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She is the hoot. I don't like the green
one though. He frightens me.
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What's his name? That would be me.
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Yes, I don't like... Fuck you.
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Anyway, these are the requirements of my
client. He needs a super huge deluxe
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00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:35,080
dressing room. He needs a catered kosher
meal.
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He's not Jewish, but he's just on a
little bit of a kick. And $100 ,000 per
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00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:42,270
Uh,
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Gonzo, what do we have in the budget for
Mr. Short?
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00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:51,219
Well, let's see. We've got tap water,
pretzel rods, and all the coins he can
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find in the sofa.
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00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,580
You've got yourself a deal.
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00:00:57,380 --> 00:00:58,430
Oh, good.
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It's Muppets Tonight with our special
guest star, Martin Short.
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Yay!
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If you're a human being, take a break
from the race. Take a load off your
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wipe the look off your face. Got a lot
to do, and we do it for you.
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Everybody take your place.
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Muppets Tonight.
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00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,480
We've got a show for you, guaranteed
brand new.
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Hang on the Muppet tonight.
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00:01:32,940 --> 00:01:33,990
Yeah!
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We've got a show for you, guaranteed
brand new.
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Hang on the Muppet.
29
00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:09,989
Welcome to Muppets Tonight, the show
that puts the fab in fabulous, the
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00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:12,530
in marvelous, and the awe in awful.
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No, no, no, no. Clipper, Clipper, that's
awesome.
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Thanks, Rizzo. You ain't so bad
yourself.
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Our special guest star tonight is Mr.
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Martin Short.
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Yeah. Give it up.
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But first, here's our very own surgical
soap opera.
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It's time for another point. Endless
episode of Barnyard Hospital Drama on E
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-E -R -O -R.
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The headphones connected to the... Hey,
hey, hey. What's wrong with you? What
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does it look like? I'm a lame duck. Go
sit down. What'll that do?
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Make you a sitting duck.
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Whack. What'd you call me? Hey, take it
easy. It's just a noise I make. Oh.
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Incompetent fool.
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What? Just another duck noise.
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Well, congratulations, Mr. Rabbit.
You're the proud father of...
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00:03:05,481 --> 00:03:09,139
Your husband survived the operation.
47
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:11,539
Unfortunately, we had to remove his
nose. My nose?
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00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:13,760
He has no nose. Then how does it smell?
49
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,040
Terrible. Oh, what a looker.
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00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,480
That's what I get for going to an HMO.
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And a girl.
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00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:22,650
And a boy.
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00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,540
Here's another girl. That's sweet. A
boy. Oh, and one we can't tell.
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00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:29,470
Hi, Dad.
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And a girl.
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And a boy.
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There's a minute of your life you can't
have fact because you were watching E -I
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-E -I -O -R.
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00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:41,910
Tune in next time when you'll hear Dr.
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Fozzie say... Nurse, this patient should
only pay one -fourth of his bill. Why's
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that, Doctor?
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Because he's a quarter horse.
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00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:50,660
Ah!
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Johnny Fiamma's just arrived. Make way
for the one, the only Johnny Fiamma.
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00:03:58,051 --> 00:03:58,809
out of the way, you!
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00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:00,610
All right, watch your step there, Ma.
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00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,159
Oh, be careful, huh? Hello, sir. I am
selling chocolates so that my school can
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00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,720
buy new books. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
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00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:11,739
Over my dead body, Johnny Fiamma buys
one of them chocolates. Now get out of
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here, you punk.
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00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:20,739
Johnny Fiamma coming through. Hey, hey,
Sal, what'd you dropkick him for? He's
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just a kid selling chocolates.
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00:04:22,140 --> 00:04:24,000
Yeah, right, Johnny, and I'm a monkey.
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Okay, Johnny Fiamma coming through. Come
on, Ma. How's your bad arm, all right?
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Can I please have quiet, everyone?
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Cue the Ed Grimley sketch.
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Quiet! Get out of here!
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Muppets Tonight is proud to present The
Misadventures of Ed Grimley.
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Ah, the doorbell. What fun.
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Gee, I love the ring of a doorbell.
Isn't it exciting?
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Because you never know who's going to be
there.
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Could it be a murderer?
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00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,960
Or perhaps Il Postino himself.
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Let's find out, shall we?
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Telegram for Mr. Ed Grimley. Well,
that's me, Lofty. Off you go.
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00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:08,339
Dear Edward, your great -uncle Balfour
from Canada has departed his eternal
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00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:12,140
reward, leaving you the sum of $85 a
month, eh?
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Canadian, no less.
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00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:20,859
P .S. You won't get one red cent unless
you've been married by 6 p .m. 6 p
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00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:23,340
.m.? Oh, give me a break. It's five to
six now.
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00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:25,920
And I'm as single as singles can be, you
know.
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00:05:25,921 --> 00:05:27,279
What to do?
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Oh, the doorbell. Gee, I love the ring
of a doorbell. There's always... Well,
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I've covered that.
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Hello. I am the young swinging
bachelorette who just moved in upstairs.
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Talk about luck.
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What happened to you? I hope you wrote
down the license plate.
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00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,040
A sense of humor. That's very good. Good
on you.
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00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:51,460
I came to borrow a hammer.
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00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:56,259
Oh, a hammer. Oh, well, listen, I have
lots of hammers. If I had a hammer...
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00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:59,760
Well, you just stay there, and I'll get
you your hammer.
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00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:03,560
One minute to six. I got to work quick,
I must say.
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00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:08,610
Well, here's one more reason to stay
single.
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Oh, lovely lady.
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00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,720
Lovely, lovely piggy lady.
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Quick question before your hasty exit,
lovely lady. What? Would you marry me?
107
00:06:33,380 --> 00:06:36,820
Marry you? Are you nuts? I didn't even
get the hammer.
108
00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:39,580
Well, that seems sad.
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00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,120
Now I guess I don't inherit Uncle
Balfour's fortune.
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Did you say something about fortune?
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00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,880
Only if I marry before six.
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00:06:48,881 --> 00:06:52,339
Well, let's get this show on the road.
Where's the preacher?
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Well, fortunately, my goldfish, Moby, is
a sea captain and can perform the
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00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,850
ceremony. Do you take him?
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00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:00,229
I'm going to.
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00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:01,290
Do you take her?
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00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:02,790
Surely. You're married.
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00:07:02,791 --> 00:07:04,089
All right!
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00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:08,289
Now, how much is that fortune you've
inherited, husband dearest? Well, my
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00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:11,410
wifelet, how does $85 grab you?
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00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,890
What? I've got more than that on me.
Hey!
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00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:19,970
Shh. All right. Now, how long will it
take to get this thing an old? 20
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00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:23,600
20 minutes? Where's the long? Let's see
you try to ride underwater.
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00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:25,909
What am I supposed to do for 20 minutes
here?
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00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:29,549
Well... Lovely one, might I entice you
with some tuna casserole and some
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00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,490
dancing? You can dance?
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00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,090
Can I dance?
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00:07:33,410 --> 00:07:34,610
One moment, please.
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00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,140
What? Where?
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00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:40,250
Oh, what am I at?
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00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:47,710
Oh, Ed Grimley sure is, uh, how do I say
this? He's unusual.
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00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,600
He's, uh, different. He's, uh... Nuttier
than a fruitcake. Yeah, that's it.
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00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:01,670
gentlemen. Thank you.
134
00:08:01,671 --> 00:08:05,819
I'd like to do a little something that I
think we all could use a little more
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00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:12,439
of. Two, three. What the world needs now
is love, sweet
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00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,879
love. Hey, hey, hey. How about singing
in the right tempo for a while? Who is
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00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,930
that?
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00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,840
Don't worry, Johnny. I got him. Come
here, you creep.
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00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,540
What a smarty pants. Bring him up here,
Sal.
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00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:25,260
Yeah, here he is. Here he is. Here's the
guy.
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00:08:25,261 --> 00:08:29,039
Yeah, this is the guy. This is him. Wait
a minute. Wait. This don't sound like
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him. Yeah, yeah, he's just pretending.
Come on, talk, you. All right, look,
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look, look, look. I don't know if you're
the right one or not.
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00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,520
But when I'm singing, you don't talk.
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You understand?
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00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,770
All right, get out of here. Get him out
of here. Go ahead.
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00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,300
Sorry, folks. Let's pick this up. Two,
three.
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What the world needs now.
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00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,919
Hey, where are you going? You come back
here.
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00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,940
All right, hold it. Stop it back there.
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00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,300
Fellas, you know what, folks?
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The throw of this tune is gone, and I
don't even feel like singing anymore.
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Listen, you've been a great audience.
Good night, everybody.
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00:09:02,970 --> 00:09:06,610
Johnny Fiamma's finished singing. You
all have been a great audience.
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00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:07,980
Oh, I'm exhausted.
156
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,089
All right, let's go heat up the sauce,
Mama.
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00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,970
Johnny Fiamma coming through.
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00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:13,870
Mama's going to heat up the sauce.
159
00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:15,350
Going to heat up the sauce.
160
00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:21,990
Hey, hello again, and welcome to Swift
Wits, the fastest game show on TV.
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00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:25,729
I'm your host, Nookie Blyer, and it's
time for the championship round.
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00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:29,209
Unfortunately, we have no champions,
because none of the chuckleheads who've
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00:09:29,210 --> 00:09:31,369
appeared on our show has ever gotten the
correct answer.
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00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:36,209
So, today, I'm going to be the
contestant, and Mr. Chester Tumwater
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00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:37,710
audience will give me the clue.
166
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,370
And I'll be playing for Magda, an
adorable mole.
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00:09:41,371 --> 00:09:47,809
In the unlikely event that I don't get
the answer, Magda will be eaten by Carl
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00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:51,149
the Big Mean Bunny. But if I win, and I
will, then I don't have to host this
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00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,089
stupid show anymore.
170
00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:55,870
Now, let's give the audience today's
answer, which I will not hear.
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00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,790
The answer is artichoke.
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00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:00,410
Okay, Chester.
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00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:02,590
We have ten seconds. Give me the clues.
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00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:05,900
Chester?
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00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:07,910
Any time now, Chester.
176
00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:10,110
Give me the clue, Chester.
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00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:12,350
We're running out of time here.
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00:10:12,510 --> 00:10:13,910
Chester, give me the clue.
179
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,680
What are you waiting for there?
180
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,420
It's my big chance to get off the show.
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00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:20,510
You're ruining me.
182
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,710
Chester, you idiot.
183
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,700
Why didn't you give me the clues?
184
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:29,180
Because my name's not Chester. It's
Lester.
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00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,730
Shoot, I'd never answer to the name
Chester.
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00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:34,640
That's a girl's name, son. Oh, I give
up.
187
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,150
Eat them all.
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00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,220
Mr. Short. Hey, how's it going, okay?
189
00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:01,319
Oh, it's going fine, yeah. I'm a little
bit nervous about the big Fred Astaire
190
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,919
number at the end of the show. You know,
I'm not really a dancer.
191
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,810
If you could just take me to the
rehearsal room. No problem.
192
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,520
Certainly, sir. Rehearsal hall, that'll
be on two.
193
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,480
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Dance rehearsal
is on seven.
194
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:16,740
Oh, no, no, no. The parking floor is
being waxed today. It's on two.
195
00:11:16,741 --> 00:11:18,079
No, no, no.
196
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,060
The wax machine is broken. Seven.
197
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,140
And I got a new machine, too.
198
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,470
I'm telling you, it's severed.
199
00:11:26,870 --> 00:11:32,210
Hey, guys, have you seen Martin Short?
200
00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:34,890
Great day in the morning.
201
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,010
Does anyone have a glass of water?
202
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:39,030
A little teeny one?
203
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:42,110
Wow, now he's Martin Extremely Short.
204
00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:52,470
If you want my body and you think I'm
sexy, come on, baby, sexy.
205
00:11:52,940 --> 00:11:54,620
Oh, hi, Mr. Callahan. How you doing?
206
00:11:54,621 --> 00:11:55,439
The usual?
207
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,260
No? Well, let me give you something a
little different.
208
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:02,360
I call this my ice -blended JoJo. There
you go.
209
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,100
You're going to love it.
210
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,400
Or maybe not.
211
00:12:08,401 --> 00:12:10,259
What's that?
212
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,339
Clueless? Yeah, he's in the back. I'll
call him.
213
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:15,440
Clueless! Yeah, Polly, what is it? Oh,
oh, oh.
214
00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:18,280
Thank you. Hi, Mr. Callahan.
215
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:19,750
Letter.
216
00:12:21,539 --> 00:12:22,740
I like it.
217
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:26,439
Hey, Clueless. Yes? I hear you went into
the manufacturing business.
218
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:27,219
Yes, that's right.
219
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:28,420
You must have made a mint.
220
00:12:28,421 --> 00:12:32,159
Well, no. Actually, it was shoelaces.
And they weren't mint. They were peanut
221
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,890
butter. Peanut butter shoelaces? Who
would buy peanut butter shoelaces?
222
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,260
Well, the same people who buy jelly
socks.
223
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:41,070
I'm supposed to laugh at that? You
might.
224
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:42,740
Sing. All righty.
225
00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:47,320
Oh, my papa.
226
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:51,890
To me he was so... Wonderful.
227
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:55,710
That was a real hit.
228
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,150
I'm not supposed to laugh at that.
229
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:04,490
Hey, welcome back to Muppets Tonight.
230
00:13:04,491 --> 00:13:08,009
Martin Short is a little under the
weather. Under the weather? It's more
231
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:09,060
he's under the couch.
232
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:19,229
Anywho, let's take a look at a TV show
Marty made in 1963 when he was just a
233
00:13:19,230 --> 00:13:20,199
child actor.
234
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,040
a show to co -star Kermit the Frog.
235
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,880
Let's watch, shall we?
236
00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:31,319
It's time for Clippers, starring Kermit
the Frog and introducing little Marty
237
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,880
Short as little Sandy Johnson.
238
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:39,720
Tonight's episode, there's a family boat
mishap on the rocks.
239
00:13:41,491 --> 00:13:46,319
Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit,
ribbit.
240
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,370
Something's wrong?
241
00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:48,720
What is it, boy?
242
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,290
A small ding. He crashed on the rocks on
the north end of the island.
243
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,640
Bud, Bud, come quickly. I think
Flipper's trying to tell us something.
244
00:13:56,940 --> 00:14:00,900
What is it? I don't know, but Flipper
seems pretty upset.
245
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,199
I'm awfully upset because you're not
listening to me. Bud, maybe he wants
246
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,600
fish. Oh, no thanks, guys.
247
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,660
I brought my own lunch.
248
00:14:10,219 --> 00:14:11,269
Here, Flippers.
249
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,300
It'll help you grow up to be a big,
strong dolphin.
250
00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:16,400
I'm not a dolphin. I'm a frog.
251
00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:19,820
Hey, boys, I just heard on the radio
there's trouble.
252
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:24,560
A boat on the North Shore. Some sort of
family mishap on the rocks.
253
00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:26,699
That's what I've been trying to tell
these two.
254
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,000
What's that, Flippers? You want more
fish?
255
00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,920
No, no, no, no. Hey, I got an idea.
256
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,300
And Flipper can help.
257
00:14:33,301 --> 00:14:37,439
Flippers, this is what you do. There's a
boat at the South Bay Marina. I want
258
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,019
you to take a bus to the boat, untie it,
and start that engine. And don't forget
259
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,070
to find the pump.
260
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,480
Wait a minute. I got a better idea.
261
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:49,239
Rent a plane, fly to the island, and
find those people. But I already know
262
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,079
they are.
263
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,760
No, no, you've had enough fish.
264
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,040
Go, boy. Save those people.
265
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:55,790
Good grief.
266
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,480
No, Rizzo, wait a minute. Hey, hey, you!
267
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:01,670
Hey!
268
00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:07,239
things happen to good guest stars. Hey,
hey, don't worry, Chief. You know, Bobo
269
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,639
said he was going to get Martin Short
back to his normal size.
270
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,130
Yeah, Bobo also said he could fix the
toaster to work on nuclear power.
271
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,000
Hey, this toaster's delicious.
272
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,260
And it glows in the dark.
273
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,160
All righty. Have a good day, sir.
274
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:29,139
Well, the old plunger on the head trick
works every time. So Marty's back to
275
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,140
normal? Hey, see for yourself.
276
00:15:33,359 --> 00:15:34,409
Oh.
277
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,439
Dancer, oh, boy, I'm a dancer. Dance
with me, dance with me, dance with me,
278
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,480
dance with me. I am a dancer.
279
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:41,830
I am a dancer.
280
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,420
Well, that's normal for Marty.
281
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:49,039
Come on, Reigns, we got a show to do.
Right. And it's all about now, Mr.
282
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,040
Short, your big dance number.
283
00:15:53,480 --> 00:16:00,259
When I think of all those grueling years
of training, dancing, waxing your
284
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,310
body.
285
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,410
And no one cared.
286
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,550
Well, they're going to care tonight,
baby.
287
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,820
I said no disturbances.
288
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:14,099
Johnny P. Hammer coming through. Johnny
P. Hammer coming into Martin's short
289
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,150
dressing room.
290
00:16:15,151 --> 00:16:18,819
Oh, hello, Marty. May I call you Marty?
Sure, Johnny. Terrific. I'd like you to
291
00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:19,870
meet my ma.
292
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,880
She's a very big fan of yours ever since
you did that apocalypse now.
293
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,330
Come, come.
294
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,530
Yes.
295
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,820
Say gun, dear Lynn, say gun.
296
00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:31,429
That's right, Ma.
297
00:16:31,430 --> 00:16:32,480
Yeah,
298
00:16:32,481 --> 00:16:36,369
what is it, Marty? It's not me. It's
Martin Sheen she's thinking of.
299
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,109
Oh, really?
300
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:37,869
Yeah.
301
00:16:37,870 --> 00:16:42,029
Well, look, don't say nothing. That'll
break her heart. She just got the video
302
00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:43,080
disc.
303
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:46,129
I would love to talk, but, you know, I
have pancake makeup on. Well, look,
304
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,470
Marty, my Ma made you a special sauce.
305
00:16:48,471 --> 00:16:52,029
She wants you sure to eat. Go ahead,
huh? I'm sorry. I really don't have the
306
00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:58,870
time. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, Marty,
when Mama says you eat, you eat.
307
00:16:58,871 --> 00:17:00,239
You hear?
308
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,040
I think a rain check. Hey, you!
309
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:07,460
When Johnny says, when Mama says, you
eat, you eat, you hear? You eat, you
310
00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:08,790
I hear!
311
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:09,950
I eat!
312
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:13,889
Hey,
313
00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:19,200
Johnny, he likes it. Hey, Ma, he likes
it.
314
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,640
Well, good day.
315
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,010
It is time.
316
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,680
It is time now for politics and punditry
from the eagle's nest.
317
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:38,400
Unfortunately, my only guests tonight
are messers Andy and Randy Pig.
318
00:17:38,401 --> 00:17:41,779
Messer, messer, messer, messer, messer,
messer, messer, messer, messer.
319
00:17:41,780 --> 00:17:43,880
What happened to Bob Novak?
320
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,210
He's sick.
321
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:46,900
I know that, but why isn't he here?
322
00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:54,459
Oh, anyway, today's topic is the
international peace accord signed this
323
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:57,590
Geneva. Will the piece of cord hold Andy
Pig?
324
00:17:57,970 --> 00:17:59,020
Let's see.
325
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:03,030
Oh. What are you doing?
326
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:07,770
Oh, I'm seeing if the piece of cord will
hold Mr. Andy Pig, like you said.
327
00:18:08,450 --> 00:18:09,610
That's not what I meant.
328
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:14,610
Hey, why don't we see if a piece of cord
will hold Mr. Birdie? Yeah. Come on.
329
00:18:14,710 --> 00:18:16,130
What are you doing?
330
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,670
No way. Stop.
331
00:18:19,430 --> 00:18:20,750
I'm an endangered species.
332
00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:23,850
Oh, great mother of mercy.
333
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,340
Hey, Mr. Bertie, what's the next topic?
334
00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:28,560
It was arms control.
335
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,540
Oh, good, because I can't control my
arms.
336
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,220
My arms are out of control, too.
337
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,750
Hey, can next week's topic be head
control?
338
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,810
Oh, yeah.
339
00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:43,040
Oh, why didn't I take the bowling troll
they offered me?
340
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:50,870
Huh.
341
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:52,570
What?
342
00:18:52,571 --> 00:18:55,289
Hey, hey, what the heck? What is going
on in there?
343
00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:58,180
Marty's still eating Mama's sauce.
What's it to you, rat?
344
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,790
Don't talk tough to me, monkey.
345
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:03,450
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
346
00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:04,840
Oh, yeah?
347
00:19:04,890 --> 00:19:06,170
Yeah. Oh, yeah?
348
00:19:06,490 --> 00:19:07,540
Yeah!
349
00:19:07,541 --> 00:19:11,449
We're almost ready for the final number,
Clifford. Where's Martin Stewart?
350
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:12,510
Oh, Nigel, cool down.
351
00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:15,120
Rizzo went to check on him. Well,
where's Rizzo?
352
00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:17,200
In here.
353
00:19:17,410 --> 00:19:19,950
I'll straighten this out. QQ the Two
-Headed Comet.
354
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:23,979
The two -headed comic, where did he come
from? Oh, we found him standing next to
355
00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:25,480
the nuclear -powered toaster.
356
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,340
Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind.
357
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:34,699
Say, who was that lady I saw you with
last night? That was no lady. That was
358
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:35,750
you.
359
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:36,830
Oh, sorry.
360
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,260
Here, have some toast.
361
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,360
Yo, Martin, we need you out on stage.
362
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:45,340
You're on in five... hundred pounds?
363
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:49,020
Wow, now he's Martin Short and Fat.
364
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,360
Man, what are we going to do now?
365
00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:56,739
Don't worry, Clifford. I promise you a
dance number, and a dance number I shall
366
00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:57,790
perform.
367
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,660
Hey, what smells so good?
368
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,590
And now here he is, the all -singing,
all -dancing Mr. Martin Short.
369
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:08,730
Yay!
370
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,080
That thing out with my baby.
371
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,540
Can't do wrong.
372
00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:15,790
Goodbye, man.
373
00:20:16,889 --> 00:20:22,530
For sure, not for maybe, that I'm all
dressed up tonight.
374
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:24,300
Oh, good grief.
375
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,930
Does he look a tad heavier to you?
376
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:27,320
He's fine, tad.
377
00:20:27,330 --> 00:20:28,380
About two tons.
378
00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:30,970
And yes, I'd say he looks a tad heavier.
Uh -oh.
379
00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:36,010
For sure, not for maybe, that I'm all
dressed up tonight.
380
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,270
I'm sailing to the line.
381
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:43,189
Number two, you're not getting all of
them in shot. Pull back. Pull back. Pull
382
00:20:43,190 --> 00:20:44,240
back.
383
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:50,810
Okay, that's far enough.
384
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,100
I'll get him up.
385
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:55,310
Yes. The big night will be tonight.
386
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,250
Slapping out with my baby.
387
00:21:00,470 --> 00:21:03,010
Can't go wrong, could be so right.
388
00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:06,250
Ask him when will the day be.
389
00:21:06,470 --> 00:21:08,830
The big day will be tonight.
390
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,450
Piggy seems thin.
391
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,080
Ha! Come off it. He's not that big.
392
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,680
I heard that!
393
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:44,180
The big day may be too long.
394
00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:48,470
Mama!
395
00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,340
Now he's Martin Short and lying
motionless in the basement.
396
00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:58,210
Oh, well, that's okay. Everything's
under control.
397
00:21:58,211 --> 00:22:01,939
We need it for Clifford to come out and
say his goodnight. Oh, we can't find
398
00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:03,240
Clifford. What?
399
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:07,150
Somebody find him. Somebody get him out
here right now. Somebody find him.
400
00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:08,870
Whoa.
401
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,120
There he is. Oh, my gosh.
402
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,570
Well,
403
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:21,120
that's our show. How about a big round
of applause for our big round guest
404
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,740
Mr. Martin Short.
405
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:25,370
Give it up.
406
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,120
Yo, Marty, Marty.
407
00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:32,409
It was great having you on the show. Oh,
thanks, Clifford. I felt like I grew as
408
00:22:32,410 --> 00:22:33,460
an entertainer.
409
00:22:33,510 --> 00:22:35,500
You look like you've grown as a land
man.
410
00:22:36,490 --> 00:22:37,690
Don't start with me, you.
411
00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:40,300
Uh -oh.
412
00:22:40,430 --> 00:22:41,480
Floor creaking.
413
00:22:41,481 --> 00:22:42,749
Not good.
414
00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:43,800
Then say good night.
415
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:45,020
Good night.
416
00:22:45,510 --> 00:22:47,090
Good night, everybody.
417
00:22:47,290 --> 00:22:48,340
Hey,
418
00:22:48,470 --> 00:22:51,090
what's going on? There's a hole over
here.
419
00:22:58,230 --> 00:23:00,950
I would have only changed one thing.
420
00:23:00,951 --> 00:23:02,009
What's that?
421
00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:03,060
The channel.
422
00:23:06,910 --> 00:23:07,960
Gentlemen,
423
00:23:10,110 --> 00:23:14,270
do you know what the problem is these
days?
424
00:23:14,770 --> 00:23:16,650
They put this show back on the air?
425
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:21,350
No, it's the fact that the kids don't
have a chance to fail.
426
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:27,789
In the old days, we had a little thing
that you used to call a...
427
00:23:27,790 --> 00:23:33,170
vaudeville. And if you couldn't spin a
plate, you didn't eat.
428
00:23:33,430 --> 00:23:39,150
Which is what I told the great Sophie
Tucker in a song I wrote for her.
429
00:23:40,490 --> 00:23:45,370
For the Broadway show entitled Wigwam
Serenade.
430
00:23:45,710 --> 00:23:48,790
Give me a seat. A bouncy seat.
431
00:23:52,210 --> 00:23:58,190
Sophie Tucker was quite a girl. A red
hot mama who could make a plate. twirl.
432
00:23:58,210 --> 00:24:01,090
The kids today, they don't have a clue.
433
00:24:01,310 --> 00:24:07,829
With those 9 -H nails and the band U2,
my scrambled eggs were runny
434
00:24:07,830 --> 00:24:08,880
today.
435
00:24:09,490 --> 00:24:14,150
Da -da -da, dee -dee -dee, whatever the
heck else you want to put in there.
436
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:19,010
Good idea.
437
00:24:19,610 --> 00:24:21,850
I think I'll join you.
438
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,219
I love you, Ma. Join us again tomorrow
night at 7 .30 when the wonderful world
439
00:24:37,220 --> 00:24:41,459
of Disney presents Candle Shoes. And
stay tuned as we get on the bus to a
440
00:24:41,460 --> 00:24:42,900
dimension so weird.
441
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,900
Next on the Disney Channel.
442
00:24:45,140 --> 00:24:48,460
Oh, my arm is shot on that thing. Sorry
there, Mr. Piyama.
443
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:49,730
Stupid monkey.
444
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:53,360
I got gas.
445
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:55,410
Oh, good.
446
00:24:56,100 --> 00:24:58,000
Lovely, lovely, lovely frog.
447
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,480
So the pond has not been cleaned.
448
00:25:03,530 --> 00:25:08,080
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