Original subtitles

Female Narrator: Previously on 'Forgive Me':

The letter's almost 30 years old.

That's to my mother.

I think I should sue.

Sue... the church?

Mr. O'Leary is alleging sexual abuse

in his history in the diocese.

Do you know anything about that?

I don't know how to answer.

Mr. O'Leary is penitent.

Have you spoken to him outside the booth?

A couple of times.

Did you give him the letters?

Should I settle?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't think that you should worry

about what the church is gonna do,

they have people thinking about that, believe me.

I'm a member of the church.

How can I not think about what's good for the church?

It's- It's one in the same.

You made me feel safe, and I never feel safe.

I want you to know...

that I feel comfort when I look at you.

You need to go back, on the other side.

Why?

Because this is really inappropriate--

Aw!

Mm! Mm.

Mmm!

You can't help me!

You're too chicken shit to ask!

Go home. Go home.

I don't want to go home!

There's nothing for me there!

I want to hear you tell the truth!

Tit for tat, 'kay?

That's the deal.

No deal. Go.

Fuckin' coward!

♪ 'Ave Maria' by Christopher Frances Mitchell

The decision I made and the orders I followed

those thirty odd years ago seemed like the right thing

for your family at the time.

Ha!

I can see now that they weren't,

I-I agree.

But I'm talking about intentions.

Is that an apology?

Father Geniuses isn't here too apologize.

The decisions you made caused me to live

a completely faithless life.

And I am poorer for that.

The idea here is that Mr. O'Leary

makes his victims statement

in front of a representative of the diocese.

So I'm not a victim, is that it?

It's all right.

I'm here to listen.

I never trusted anyone, again.

Nobody in authority.

No man.

My mistrust of men in authority held me back in school, in work,

in my career, financially, emotionally,

it has always held me back.

To this day--

Wasn't the choirmaster responsible for all of that?

Am I standing in for the perpetrator?

You're a representative of the church.

What are you?

I went to you because you had the authority.

I can imagine how it would seem that way.

Now it doesn't anymore.

Well, I'm not the police.

You're not much of anything, are ya?

Did you not write this report?

Are those all the church records?

They found the notice of discovery.

The parish was obligated to turn over any records

regarding the incident.

Well, I didn't file any report!

It's a letter.

Ah.

Well, I was a priest, I made a recommendation.

I gave information, but the decision on how to proceed

was never mine to make.

So who's was it then?

Yours!

Wha-uh--

Well, you must remember better than I,

when you came to the church, when your mother brought you,

and you sat in front of me for...

ten, fifteen minutes and you didn't admit anything.

You never asked me.

Directly.

You treated me like-

you never asked in so many words,

you wanted me to find the words.

But we don't put words into an accuser's mouth,

even I know that!

Into a child's mouth?

I didn't want to influence your story.

But you had no story.

You, you filed the report.

It was a letter.

Based upon the suspicions of the mother.

To Father Belliveau-Brown and Pre--

I want to talk to Father Geniuses.

Well that's why we're here.

Alone.

I think it's best if we maintain this form.

I don't want to sit in front of all of you.

I just want him to hear it.

That's not what the parish agreed to.

You don't want to hear anything

I wouldn't say in front of my mother.

We're not strangers.

All right with you?

Of course.

You too.

I've already heard it all.

No.

Not all of it.

Just the sins.

Ask me now.

How've things been at home?

This nightmare.

It never goes away.

Mm.

I mean, it might soon. More so.

Kills me to see him like this.

The babies, the sound of them crying

is like an arrow going through your heart.

That's just evolution, just DNA.

The baby cries you have to do something,

you feed it, you clean it.

Not big on evolution around here.

Well you're not big on evidence either,

I'm just saying when they're babies,

you think when they grow up it's all going to be different.

You won't feel like their pain is like your pain.

But you do.

Now I have to see them suffering.

And there's nothing I can do about that.

It's the worst thing ever for a mother

to see her own child in despair.

He's getting help now, all right?

Don't give up hope for him.

I didn't say I've given up hope.

Good.

He should just walk away from all this.

That's what I'm trying to do.

I thought I could leave it all behind,

but Johnny, Johnny never wanted to leave the church.

Secrets.

Secrets festering and festering away for years.

Ruined my family.

No, the church itself didn't harm your son.

Oh, bless your naivety.

It was one bad man.

And that's the kind of thinking that'll make sure

it never stops.

What are you?

Fifty years left in you.

Fifty years.

With no sex.

Is that the plan?

That is one of the vows that I took.

Well, all the priests take a vow until they lose their mind

and go out and hurt somebody.

I can handle my vow.

Yeah but, to what, what end?

I mean, c'mon, why not love?

Love and then a wife and sex and then a family.

I don't know, we're standing in for Christ on Earth?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they discovered Mary Magdalene

did not have just a platonic relationship with Jesus?

That they were more than buddies.

I'm pretty sure they would have figured that out already.

Yeah, but if they had, they wouldn't tell you.

Gonna keep you in despair.

Gonna keep on messing with your head.

How's your mother?

She left.

Well, you're a great listener for a priest,

I didn't ask where she is, I asked how she is.

I don't know.

I mean, she certainly didn't seem very together

when she was here.

How could she be together with a dead son?

She barely knew him.

That doesn't matter.

I think it does, I think she gave up certain maternal rights.

No, you don't give up the right to grieve.

And I'm not defending your mother.

Don't even like her.

She's a dreadful woman.

Mhmm.

Nasty woman.

I mean, all that drug stuff and awful men,

just screwing around in the hallway.

That's what got us evicted.

So, how do ya really feel about her?

I can think-- I'm sorry, just thanks for not making me say it

in front of defending her like everyone else around here

seems to want too.

Well, I can still empathises with a grieving mother.

Even if she is a stupid old cow.

Okay!

Ah, see!

I knew I could get you to defend her.

I'm no better.

I'm not.

I'm not any better than my mom.

Well if that's true, you must change that.

That's what I'm trying to do.

And I want all this behind me.

I really want this just gone away.

I want the taste of it gone.

Dear God, I never thought in a million years

that you and I would have ended up back here.

Ready to go mom?

Yes, yeah.

Just help me there.

Thanks.

Well you can do what you can do.

Well, I'll do my best.

Give my best to... Belliveau Brown

Thanks.

You gonna stay on that side this time?

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's fine.

It's not.

I was wrong.

I'm sorry.

I forgive you.

I was loaded and screwed up--

Okay, it's fine, it's fine.

Alright?

Just, let it go.

If you really want to you can say like,

ten Hail Marys when you get home.

Consider the amount of resolve.

I fucked up.

It's fine, it's understandable,

considering how you were feeling that day.

Not, not that.

What happened?

I slept with someone I shouldn't have.

Ex-girlfriend.

She's married.

When?

After the funeral.

After I left here.

I didn't go back to my mothers.

I went down to the bar, and I kept drinking.

Y'know, I was on my phone and I messaged her.

I was just so fucking alone.

Look, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way,

just, just, like--

No, I understand.

I was out of line.

Way, out of line.

Did you know that she was married?

Yeah.

When you messaged her?

Yeah.

I've known for a while.

She's been messaging me on Facebook for ages,

even though I never respond.

She's the only person who's ever made me feel a rush

when I looked in her eyes.

Mmm.

Most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Boy or girl.

Alright.

So did you feel any better after you slept with her?

For a minute, sure.

Afterwards... mmm... nothing.

I knew she felt it too.

It's not like the movies where it turns out

you've been waiting to find each other again.

It's just this ugly feeling.

Y'know, shame and stupidity.

She wasn't going to leave her husband,

I wasn't going to move back from California.

Just served as a reminder that you can never go back

to the past.

Maybe that's been the lesson of this whole trip.

Y'know?

Leave the past where it belongs.

Somewhere along the line, I gave up on the notion

that anybody could love me.

Because I don't love myself.

I push people away, when they're close to me.

I confess that I did this to myself.

I made the choice to become this rotten person.

But God forgives you.

He loves ya.

And he'd want you to love yourself.

I'm afraid that I'll go home and nothing will change.

Well, that's up to you.

Okay, it sounds stupid, but it's true.

There's a reason you've come in here this week,

there's a reason that you've come to the conclusions you have

this week.

Sometimes it takes tragedy to give you... perspective,

so you can become the man that you're supposed to be.

Like trust me, I know.

How?

I've had a few roadblocks myself in the past year.

Y'know?

I questioned what I was doing and my place in the world

but all you got in the end are your instincts.

God gives you the tools man,

you're the one that's got to use them.

What, you just keep going?

What else are you gonna do, right?

Like everyday you wake up is another opportunity to,

y'know, make the best of it.

Sounds like a motivational poster.

That does sound like a motivation post, you're right.

Ah.

It is what it is.

Will I be forgiven?

For all of it?

From the man upstairs?

Yeah.

Say an 'Our Father' to cover our bases--

and together, "Our Father, who art in Heaven,

hallowed by thy name.

By Kingdom come, it will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day, our daily bread,

and forgive those, Forgive us--

It's alright.

Forgive us, Our trespasses, Our trespasses,

As we forgive those

Who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Amen.

Can I stay in here a little while with you?

No weirdness.

Just scared to be alone.

Yep.

As long as you want.

Well, the O'Leary mediation is over.

And the Bishop is expecting a resignation.

Today.

Well, I'm not resigning.

After what I heard today and everything that's come to light,

if anyone should resign, it's the Bishop.

He can shut the parish down.

He can keep it open and transfer us all.

Or retire, you and me.

Well, I'd rather be fired than quit.

And bring us all down with you?

Oh, and about you?

This whole lawsuit happened under your watch.

You want to be the last lead of this parish?

Then who'd be prelate then, you?

I'll go.

I did this.

That sleeping dog was lying for thirty years 'til I woke it up.

You didn't do anything wrong.

I handed over those letters.

I gave property away to someone to use in a lawsuit against us,

I gave him his case.

And I don't know that if it happened again

I'd do it any differently, so maybe I'm not cut out for this.

What future would this parish have without you?

Look, maybe that makes sense.

You're gonna throw the kid under the bus.

He's sick.

He's got a whole other world of problems.

Maybe it's the right decision for him.

Well I'd rather resign than to see him punished.

We're all being punished.

I'm going.

I got a teaching post back in New York.

Since when?

Since the lawsuit was filed.

You think this is over?

Settled out of court.

People are gonna find out.

Whispers are gonna become screams.

I've been there before.

And I'm not gonna stick around for that.

But you're the only one who bears no culpability

for this whatsoever.

Exactly.

So why should I deal with the consequences?

I don't want to be associated with any of ya.

I think it's time to leave now.

Next time on 'Forgive Me':

We have a school, as you know, a very small one.

We could take in a young girl, without the whole convent

being curious about her history, where she comes from.

Thank you.

I didn't know that could be an option.

Well it wasn't before, but I've moved up. In rank.

I could squash any curiosity about her background.

I think I'd prefer to have my daughter be raised

with her family.

Well it wouldn't be any further away.

But I don't go there.

We could give you reasons to go there.