All language subtitles for Forgive.Me.S01E04.Thy.Kingdom.Come.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-Kitsune_track3_[eng]

Previously,
on Forgive Me.

I'm on a schedule
here, Father.

I want to make
sure I get credit.

You're gonna die.

You want absolution
before it happens.

Not long.

Weeks, months.

Did you lie to me?

I knew you didn't love me,

but at least I loved you
enough to not ruin your life.

You deprived your
child of a father.

You took away my
chance at being happy.

I gave you your
chance to be happy.

It's easier to hear
confessions than to make them.

I recently found out
that I have a daughter.

I need your help.

You've had enough of my help.

For 10 years, your
mother fought to keep you

and your brothers alive.

When she dropped you off here,
she couldn't fight anymore.

What's your excuse?

It's our own God damned
mess, clean it up.

Nightmares?

Visitations, maybe.

We're out of cream.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I forgot.

I'll get some more today.

There's milk.

Did you do the order for mass?

No, not yet.

I'll do the order for mass.

I want you to see a doctor.

What's the matter with him?

Nothing.

You want me to call my guy?

No, no it's fine.

I've got a family doctor,
I'm from around here.

He's not sleeping.

I got a lot on my mind.

I've changed.

Where it matters?

It all matters, believe me.

You're supposed to--

Oh, forgive me Father,
for I have sinned.

It's been however long it's
been since my last confession.

It all seems a blur.

You've been very busy.

No, not busy that way.

Just coping.

It crept up on me.

Are you in pain?

It's not so bad today.

Maybe when I've been sitting
on this bench for 10 minutes.

We can go
sit somewhere else.

No, no, I like it here.

It blocks out everything else.

That's the idea.

A church is like
a theater, isn't it?

I don't think so.

It is, architecturally.

You have rows of
seats and a stage.

The pulpit is raised
up like a stage.

And beautiful lights,

candles, music of the choir,

the special effects, when
the cantor waves the smoke.

It's the biggest show.

I don't mean it in a bad way.

I'm not saying it's
hollow theatricality.

I'm just saying that theaters
are built to emulate churches,

that's all.

You were confessing
your 51 years of sin.

We ran out of time.

Where was I?

We covered the
unavoidable abortion,

and we covered the divorce.

The divorce, what
about the marriage?

I'm sure there
were a lot of sins committed

in a marriage.

The whole marriage was a sin.

We got married in city hall.

You weren't
married in a church.

We were, eventually.

The city hall, you
see, it was convenient.

He was out of money, he
didn't have much money,

and my parents didn't approve.

So we got married in city hall,

but his mother was
beside herself.

So then we got married
in a church again,

by a priest.

Still didn't help.

It didn't help the marriage?

The sin.

Oh.

My girlfriend, my roommate.

Well, she had been
my roommate, Mary.

She got married and I was
to be her maid of honor.

She wanted me to be
her maid of honor,

but the priest said no.

Because?

Because we married
in city hall.

That was the big sin.

He said I was living in sin.

That we weren't married legally.

So I wasn't fit to
be a bridesmaid,

and I could be forgiven if I
confessed to living in sin.

What did you say?

I said, no way!

I said, I'm not living in sin.

I'm married, I'm
legally married.

By that time I had
a baby on the way.

I didn't want him to
be born a bastard,

so we got married again,
in a church, by a priest.

They still didn't let
me be maid of honor.

We don't really vet
the bridesmaids anymore.

Oh, I know.

I'm stunned by what passes
for a bridesmaid these days.

You don't even
have to be a maid.

Okay, so the
marriage was a sin.

I'll just dock you for the time
prior to the church wedding.

How long was that?

Seven months, about.

About as long as after
the church wedding.

You
have a husband now?

I'm a widow.

A divorcee and a widow.

Sorry.

Oh, well, you better let
me be the one to be sorry,

or we'll be here all day.

I enjoy your company.

Well, don't get used to it.

Any news?

They don't really
tell you much, actually.

Well, you need
to advocate for yourself.

Oh, this chapter of my
life is writing itself.

I'm just trying to keep up.

I had hemorrhoids,
that's how I found out.

I'd had blood tests.

I'd had some bleeding, and
then I went on vacation,

and when I got back
I had hemorrhoids.

So I took myself that
night to the emergency room

at the hospital,
and the doctor said,

yeah, you have hemorrhoids,

but we're more worried
about the cancer.

It was in my chart.

That's awful.

I don't think there's
any good way to find out.

I stole from my mother.

How much?

$5.

Ah,
that's not that much.

Well it is by 1950's dollars.

You have to account for
inflation in your sentence.

Penance.

What did you buy with it?

What has--

Just give me a sense of
what it was worth at the time.

I don't know.

Perfume,

a movie ticket,

a vanilla ice cream
float, and a soda.

Sounds like you know.

To the nickel.

That was a good evening.

She wouldn't
have given you the money?

To spend it with Tony Pizzoli?

It was harmless.

I mean, it was some
sci-fi thing and soda.

And there was, well, she
wouldn't have allowed it.

And there you go.

I'm glad I stole that $5.

I have very warm memories
of stealing that $5.

You must
be a little sorry.

I honestly don't think I am.

But you confessed to it.

Well, I have guilt.

I mean, I have guilt and shame.

Doesn't that count
for something?

It'll work.

I don't want you
to go easy on me.

I won't.

Tell me about your family.

Ah, they can confess
their own sins.

Hmm.

Have you told your daughter?

I'm sorry, this visit
was rather impromptu.

I didn't plan anything to say.

Last time I practiced.

Why did you come in today?

I just wanted to talk
to somebody who's sane.

Everybody's so crazy.

People turn crazy
when there's cancer.

My son says he's
mourned me already.

He said he put down the
phone when he heard,

and he experienced the
grief of losing me.

And now he's, I don't know,

he's in some post-mortem
or something.

You know, he's moved to
a new state mentally.

He's in denial.

He's in gaga land.

He's so advanced spiritually.

But then I didn't
raise him Catholic,

so that's why he's
living in the new age.

And that's a sin, isn't it?

To not raise your
children Catholic.

They weren't baptized?

Just the first one.

I'm not sure.

I didn't want to pay the
money for the second one.

The third one, by the
time he came around,

I was done with the church.

How much is it for last rites?

For you?

Family discount.

The sacraments aren't for sale.

I mean, you and your family,
you could make a donation

if you want, but it's
not obligatory, you know?

Well, I'm sorry
for being cynical.

Cynicism's not a sin.

Well, it should be.

It's done me more damage than
stealing $5 from my mother.

Christ embraces doubt.

St. Thomas was a doubter.

Christ, he also
experienced doubt.

I thought I was sinning
a lot more than I was.

Apparently, I was
just being a cow.

Well, a sin is something
that we say, or do, or think.

Or, I mean, you don't
say, or don't do.

Well, what about
things I don't think?

Well, I don't
think that you can be punished

for an absence of thought.

Unless it was
willful, but, I mean,

that falls under thinking.

So thoughtlessness
is not a sin.

I don't know.

It depends.

You seem to be rather
recalcitrant today.

I'm thinking of
killing myself.

I can't be
flexible on this one.

That's a sinful thought.

I have a brother.

I was thinking of
asking him to help.

To help you kill yourself?

I think he's wanted to
kill me since I was 12.

I was a terrible sister.

So fresh-mouthed.

I thought I was
smarter than him.

And he wasn't allowed
to beat me up,

so I was merciless,
mercilessly condescending.

It still wouldn't
be a reward for him

to help you kill yourself.

It'd be a punishment.

He'd carry it for
the rest of his life.

You don't know my brother.

All of this is a long way off.

You've got a lot of
life left in you.

That depends.

On?

On these treatments.

The chemo, the
radiation therapy.

This suppressor
and that stimulant.

I just, I'm just not sure
that I want to do it.

Every day that it buys me,
it buys me a day of vomiting.

Those are
difficult decisions.

Yeah, I know.

Don't give me lines.

Sometimes cliches
are just true.

What would you do?

I wouldn't kill myself.

I would have said
that two months ago.

What would you actually do?

Would you have these treatments?

If I needed the time
that they'd grant me.

Would it be a sin if I
didn't tell my daughter.

It would be very wrong.

I don't know if would be a sin,

but it would be very wrong.

Maybe I should
find a meaner priest.

Ooh, I know some.

I don't want her to crumble.

It's one thing to hear
that your mother died.

It's another thing to watch it.

It's another thing to know
that your mother loves you

enough to see you
before she dies.

I could talk to her for you.

No, I don't think
she'd understand that.

Just an offer.

I appreciate your help.

It's what I do.

It's helpful just to talk.

I never cheated on my husband.

I did think about it a lot.

Good!

Good that I sinned.

Good that you recognized
the sin of the thought,

and that it stopped you
from committing a worse sin.

That's actually, that's
something that I've been

thinking about a lot lately.

Are you having
sinful thoughts?

I mean, yeah, I
have sinful thoughts.

Everybody has sinful thoughts.

Without temptation,
there'd be no redemption.

Why are we supposed
to feel guilty then?

For having the same
thoughts as everybody else?

Maybe because if we
didn't feel guilty,

then you'd end up acting
on those feelings.

You'd muck up everybody's
lives, mostly your own.

It was a torture
for me growing up.

Always worried about what
everybody would think,

or thinking I was gonna be
exposed as a fraud or a freak.

Every kid
is afraid of that,

you know, regardless
of their religions.

I mean, do you think your
own children are exempt

from those feelings because
they weren't raised Catholic?

I think I made them
feel the same way

that my mother did me.

I wish I could tell them things.

I wish I could tell
them not to be afraid.

To be whoever they want to be,

not to worry what
other people think,

especially not what I think.

I don't think they knew my.

I don't think they knew that
my love was unconditional.

I thought that I would
keep them in line.

That I would protect them
from embarrassing themselves.

But now I would say, embarrass
the crap out of yourself,

if it makes you feel happy.

Tell 'em.

Tell 'em to embarrass
the crap outta ya

on the way to happiness.

I think I will.

And then you give yourself
the same permission.

That is a contradiction.

The whole basic
tenet of the religion

is not to do what you want,
but to follow the rules.

You can still be yourself.

You can't not have
sinful thoughts.

You know, don't revel in them.

Just be able to
forgive yourself.

Don't want to put
you out of a job.

The point of being
forgiven by God

is so that you can
forgive yourself.

Is that why I'm here?

To forgive myself?

Are you afraid
of going to hell?

I don't know.

But I am here to forgive myself.

I think you're right.

God wants to forgive you too.

Well, I'm not
making it easy on him,

because I keep forgetting
what I'm supposed to confess.

I think you should
write it down.

Think about it, when you've
got a little bit of time

in your waiting.

Make a list.

Be thorough, let everything go.

And then you give it to me.

Huh, where have
you been all my life?

I'll give it to God,

and He's always been right here.

I don't know how to
do this, gracefully.

You're well on your way.

God the Father of mercies,

through the death and
resurrection of Your Son,

You have reconciled
Yourself to the world

and sent the Holy
Spirit among us

for the forgiveness of sins.

Through the ministry
of the church,

may the Lord grant
you peace and pardon

and I absolve you of your sins.

In the name of the
Father, and of the Son,

and of the Holy Spirit, amen.

Amen.

Thank you.

Gran?

Hey.

Hi.

I want you to meet somebody.

This is my friend, Noelle.

Noelle, this is Gran.

Hi.

Uh, do you want some milk?

Have a seat.

Good, yeah.

I'll get you some.

What are you doing?

I wanted you to meet her.

I wanted you to look
at her in her eyes.

It's all it took for me.

I could take part time work.

They won't go for it.

You're supposed to be learning.

You know when this lot
retires, that's it.

You'll be doing all three jobs.

I do Father Phil's job now.

You're a good kid.

You'd bring a lot of
hope to this parish.

I'm not a kid.

Hey, I have a kid.

Who doesn't know.

I mean, if she were
to move in with us,

then maybe her mother,
or my grandmother,

could help with some
of the expenses.

Her mother wants her
to live at the rectory?

I don't know.

No.

The church could never get
involved in a custody battle.

I just need to know
what my options are.

I need to know if I
even have any options.

You need to think
about your child,

and you need to
think about yourself,

and your congregation.

People, they like their
heroes one dimensional.

They don't like their
politicians having affairs,

or their great generals
sending filthy emails.

Priest who's a baby daddy?

It loses moral authority.

Then what do I do?

Well, are you under direct
pressure to do anything?

Is the mother asking for money?

No.

Well, let sleeping dogs lie.

Then I really do lose
my moral authority.

So I guess I already lost it.

Well, don't forget
the coffee cream.

What you watching?

Did you get the milk?

I thought you told
me to get cream?

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

♪ We shall

♪ We shall inherit
what went wrong

♪ We shall inherit
what went wrong

♪ Use what we took for granted

♪ We shall inherit
what went wrong

♪ Use what we took for granted

♪ For granted

♪ Ah

Next
time, on Forgive Me.

Nobody knows what goes on
in these confession boxes,

and that's the bloody trouble.

There are reasons
for that secrecy.

And you use that
secrecy to frighten people

and to keep them under control.

Have any of you ever been
asked to break the seal?

Of the confessional?

Somebody asked you to do that?

I know that there is
a reason that you came

to the church today.

I will never come
back to your church.

Did he commit a crime.