Original subtitles

Next year, we're going to get a new lift with the heating for the butt.

Welcome.

Welcome, Mr.

Chekhov.

Welcome to the future. Thank you.

Your business partner, Knaup, here, makes big promises.

Now I will see.

Okay. So, we have this.

Problem with the fucking climate change.

Every year it's warmer, so we can forget about the skiing soon, you know, like

Arabs running out of oil. Then what do we do?

Make skis with wheels.

Big laugh.

But now I will show you the miracle I have created.

A way to make our own snow.

With the push of a putty.

It's called solanum glass 10.

You know, it can make snow even when it's very, very warm.

So tell me, does it make green snow?

This is the checker step away from the solanum. White snow, white snow. Normal.

He's a Checo.

He's a Checo.

He's doing the red.

All right. I will try the next presentation quick.

Not your first time, buddy.

Let's see.

It's my first corporate contract.

It's my first time with a real camera crew. And oh yeah, my first time jumping

out of a fucking helicopter.

Okay, I guess this is like your first time then.

Relax, bud. You totally got this.

This is gonna be a hell of a day for snowboarding.

It's easy for you today.

You'll beat Steve Olsen.

Yeah? I suppose Steve never told you about his first jump, did he?

Here we go.

and this on his first jump from a helicopter.

A. Take four tries before he dares to jump.

B. Knock back three shots of whiskey to calm his nerves. Or C.

Have to be pushed out by the crew.

Well, I don't know what he did, but I think I'll go with B.

It's actually D. All of the above.

Rocker, can you read me?

Hilda? Come in, Hilda.

Copy that.

We're almost at the top now.

In the range in about 60 seconds.

We all sat down here.

The light is not going to last, so this is the only shot we got. You talk to

Steve?

Absolutely. And you explain to him what I'll do if he pulls another stunt like

last time.

In detail.

Did you mention our special guest?

I need him to understand how important this is for both of us.

I know, I know.

Over and out.

Thank you for your patience, Mr. Chekhov.

Just another moment.

We're almost done until we get to the hospital, okay?

Man, it's sketchy down there.

Too many rocks.

You'll be...

I'm cool.

Once that first step, it's a doozy.

I can almost see my house from here.

And I live in fucking Copenhagen.

Got this.

Come on, you got this.

No powder at all on this rock.

Well that was pretty fucking awesome.

And now for our prima donna.

Alright then. Tell your boyfriend it's his turn. Drop in.

I better pull out all the stops then.

I don't think it's like that.

I... Don't worry. I'll give them a hell of a show.

Trust me.

See? They need to work.

We're having turbulence. Hurry up.

What's going on? We're facing minor turbulence.

You call this minor?

I don't care about minor turbulence. I thought he's better.

You're way too dangerous now, get it, John?

What the fuck's wrong?

Come on, pull it together!

Branka, where the hell is Steve?

What? You can't see him?

We lost sight of Steve. I repeat, we lost sight of Steve.

Do we

keep

rolling? I don't know. He can't just...

Me sideways.

Woo -hoo!

Yeah, that badass enough for you?

Steve, have you met our special guest yet?

This is Anna.

It's always been her biggest dream to meet the great Steve Olsen.

In flesh, so to say.

Branka?

I'm really sorry about the whole, uh...

Okay. Well, I hope you, uh...

Right.

All right.

See you.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, awful fucking asshole!

What the hell just happened?

And now, you will see the future!

of alpine tourism.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Are you okay?

Fucking zipper.

Can I help you? Hold

that thought.

I better take this.

Beep!

You destroyed my presentation, you fucking hippie. Hey, he's in enough

as it is leaving the lungs.

Hippie? Can you tell me what the hell happened up there?

What? You missed the money, Brian.

Get off my mountain.

Fucking clowns before I kick you off.

Let's go!

Let's go!

Maybe now.

We can talk about the investment.

Maybe he'll let them.

I know.

I know, Hilda, but... I told him... Jesus, what was she, like 10?

Nine, I think.

Congratulations. The sponsorship contract is cancelled.

For both of you.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Fuck. Look, maybe we should talk to them. What do you think I was just

There goes our ride.

What? We can't just leave us here.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, come back!

Look, it's going to be all right. I'm going to fix this. Trust me.

Don't touch me.

I asked you, I begged you to be serious.

Just this one time, not to be so... so you.

I'm done, Steve.

We're done.

I'm going to find a room for the night. Are you coming?

Yeah, sure.

Come on, dude, it's not that bad. We're gonna get a new contract, right?

Well, bitches be cray cray.

Dude, you coming?

Dude. Don't dupe me!

Dude.

Hang loose, then.

Dr. Pech, the hostel is closed.

End of the season, verstehst?

What if we want to get down to the valley?

The lift is also closed.

This party will be the whole night.

Nobody comes down till the sun comes up.

Oh.

Guess we'll have to take off boards, then.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

What? Why?

Look here.

We are here. The globe ends here.

Here is the village.

Many, many kilometers.

Very, very far.

Here, only bus.

But today, no more.

You can walk, but you will free, and you become dead.

No. We don't want you to become dead.

You can stay the night here by me in the tavern.

You're lucky.

Tonight is the end of the season party.

Yeah?

After eight, it's all half price.

Make a little party, make a little party.

So there's really no way to get it down to the belly?

You heard her. We'll become dead.

You can ask Franz, the owner of the ski lift. He has a snowmobile.

Snowmobile?

Franz!

No, no, no, it's fine. Thank you.

So, what are you having?

This is not a bus stop here.

One make him wants to shissen.

Who did you bring here?

What?

This Russian investor.

Trust me.

You always think, trust me, trust me, Branka.

But I fall for it every time. Come on, Branka.

It's going to be all right.

Things will get better soon.

You'll see.

Well, he sure as hell can't get any worse.

I know he let us down, but I really think he's a good dude.

But I don't want a dude.

I want a man.

When's he going to grow up?

Damn it, Chuck.

He just doesn't know when to quit.

Excuse me?

You wanna dance with me?

No, thank you.

Why?

What's your problem?

I'm a great dancer.

I'm great with many things.

If you're with her, you can wait outside.

Hey. Relax, Josh.

I don't need the cavalry.

Not for this break.

What did you just call me?

I just called you a prick.

You know, you are what you eat.

I am now going to finish my drink in peace.

Okay? Okay.

Okie dokie then.

Sometimes you can be kind of scary.

You didn't know what a great dancer you are, Mr. Chekhov.

I'm happy you're feeling better now.

Maybe we can talk a little bit about business now?

on this rock.

Nice rack.

But the other's up there. Two snowboarders, a girl and a guy. You mean

boy and the bad girl?

Yeah.

Branca!

What are you two doing in here?

Making out, what do you think? No, no, we're not. Yeah, I fucking know.

What happened here?

Everything just went nuts all of a sudden. We're lucky to be alive.

Might be jumping the gun with the whole lucky thing.

Look, I just wanted to say, you know, while I'm here, I'm really sorry

Seriously? Now? Keep it down.

It's these Alcopops.

They make people crazy.

Lady, this is way more than a drinking problem.

I'm not being funny, bud.

Is there someone else up here with her?

Brandt?

Come out, da.

Yeah, that's a little tricky right now.

Those things downstairs, did you see them?

What?

Do you have the tool wood? Do you understand?

You mean rabies?

It could be rabies.

Nobody knows what happened.

Of course we know what happened.

We're in a zombie epidemic here, people. Isn't that obvious? Not rabies, not

fucking alcohol, fucking zombies.

Okay, and lots of them.

What is this, a zombie?

You saw them.

How about we call for help?

That's a good idea.

I know just who to call.

What is it now?

I have a little problem down here. You don't know anything about zombies, do

you?

Yeah. What would you do if you really wanted to talk to me?

Okay.

Fuck, you're sick in the head, man.

Yeah, okay.

You're completely gone. But thanks for doing it, man. We'll talk later, okay?

Okay, bye.

Arne, man.

Sick in the head.

Care to fill us in on your chat?

My cousin Arne, he's like totally into zombie flicks.

And what did he say?

How to kill them.

I mean, it really depends on which kind of zombie movie we are in.

Let the professionals deal with it. We need actual help from the Valley Police

Military. Give me that.

Well... If they are the fast -infected virus kind, we could be in real trouble

here. But they look more like the slow -brained kind, don't you think?

Yeah, just like someone else I know.

Dude, I'm just trying to be proactive here.

Yeah, by calling your knight of the living Luther Cousin from fucking

these zombies are going to rip us apart before anybody else shows up. Okay, we

got to go Chuck Norris on their asses.

Chuck Norris? How old are you, dude?

What's this?

The police.

The line is dead.

Maybe it has spread.

Nothing has spread.

The line is dead. The people in the valley are dead.

Maybe it's the reception.

I mean, we don't really know.

The reception.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

We need some ideas here, people.

That's no mobile outside. That's yours, isn't it?

Yes, but it's outside.

And how do we get there?

Guys.

What is it?

Holy shit!

Jesus! What is it?

There's my snow mobile.

We should just try and run for it.

No, it's too dangerous.

There are too many of them.

I think I have an idea.

I'm not sure this is a good idea.

Well at least it is an idea.

Just for the record, this is not how this was supposed to work.

Branca?

Where are you?

Branca!

We

have

to get out of here.

Do you think we can make it down to the valley?

What happens on my mountain will stay on my mountain.

What are you talking about?

It's a zombie epidemic. Of course we have to get down to the valley. Okay, we

have to warn someone.

What the fuck, old man?

Nobody warns anyone.

The phone calls you made in the attic.

You didn't really call anyone, did you?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh my God, Franklin, get up.

Get up!

What are we going to do now?

We should continue going downhill.

But we have no idea where this goes.

This could be the Dead End Valley.

Rita showed it to us on a map.

I've got matches.

I could make a torch.

You know, keep you warm.

Keep away the creepy crawlies.

Creepy crawlies?

No, no, no, no. You know, I just meant like, uh...

rabbits and squirrels and shit. They're gonna save me from rabbits and

squirrels, my hero.

I bought you this scarf.

Doesn't matter now.

We must find a way to beat them.

Beat them?

Beat them how?

A dance contest?

Are you hurt?

No.

Let me see.

It's nothing.

Let me see. It's nothing.

I will put some schnapps on it for disinfection.

I don't think schnapps are going to do it.

You know my cousin Arne?

The zombie expert?

Well, he would tell you that your only choice is to...

Kill you? Are you crazy?

Well, it's that or in a few minutes I'm going to try to kill you.

Turn you into a zombie person.

I'm not kidding.

Either you walk out of here alive.

Or neither of us do.

But not both.

You are a misfit, and you... ...want to go to hell.

Should I release you?

Just light the torch.

What was that?

What?

I thought I heard something.

Just a dangling branch.

You have to hold this thing still.

I'm sorry.

I can't stop shivering.

I've seen something like this before.

I've seen something like this before.

Bear trap!

Oh, my God! Oh, fuck!

Nothing hurt?

Actually, no.

It's not too bad.

These boots are awesome.

Steve? What?

Zombie.

It's my mom.

Don't answer me.

They're reacting to the music.

Quick, call me on my cell. Call me on my cell, quick.

We were trying to go downhill.

Listen, if you think where the music works, maybe we can go back and save

Uphill works for me.

You know, this could almost be romantic when you think about it.

What?

I just mean if everything weren't so fucked up right now.

And I don't just mean the flesh -eating maniacs.

You're right.

If absolutely everything were different, this could be a romantic moment.

Look, I... I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I, uh...

I thought that you liked that I was funny.

I do.

I like that you are funny. I just hate that you are not serious.

I mean, Steve, I worked my ass off to make all this possible for you, for

and for me, and then... Then you just pissed it away.

Can I ask you something?

What?

If we make it out of here, would you give me a second chance?

Okay, a twenty -second chance?

That's a huge if.

Let's cross that bridge, if we ever get to it.

Okay.

Well, seeing as you think we're gonna die anyway, I might as well say

that I've been meaning to say.

What's that?

Would it kill you to meet me halfway?

I mean, I know, I get it, I'm a fuck -up, but... I mean, you have to be so

serious all the time.

You have a little fun once in a while.

I suppose I can work on that a little.

Like, maybe in the next couple hours or so?

If we don't turn into, you know...

Now you see me?

Now you told me.

Coastal.

Yeah.

Do allow me.

Thank you.

Josh. Buddy.

Let's get these bastards.

Hey, guys.

Over here, this way.

Hey, happy hour, guys.

This is where the party's at.

Keep walking, keep walking. Come on.

It's all yours.

You make it look so easy.

Some

are

dead.

Well, duh.

I don't think...

Yes,

don't come up.

Now we become dead.

We've got fucking snowboards.

I'm not doing this. I'm ready.

Good. You're learning.

Thank you.

Nice to talk to you.

It's not to help the man he used to be.

Jesus.

Now you're a comedian?

I'm just pumped.

It's either laugh or scream.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel all the time.

Well, alrighty. I, uh... Yeah, yeah, go.

Dad!

But it's Josh.

It's not Josh. Not anymore.

I can't.

Forget it, but it's kind of going to kill us.

That happened.

You're such a nice guy.

Josh rocked. No question.

We're gonna get off this rock, Branka.

I am still with you.

But first, we're gonna kill every last one of those walking, drooling meatbags.

You take the party slot, and I go for the creepy cook.

Then we are done.

I love you.

No, you're not in prison.

Actually, I am.

Gotcha!

We'll die.

Fuck you.

No. Then I'll let go.

Then I'll let go, too.

Now we both have to die.

That's the stupidest idea I've heard all day.

Well, at least an idea.

Wait.

Hand me that crowbar.

Oh.

You know, you do serious pretty well too.

Yeah, and you.

You do realize what this snow is, don't you?

I was hoping you wouldn't bring it up.

and what do we do now what do we do about what those things

we're

all gonna get off this rock and it's going to be fine trust us

bring it on

Thank you.