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I saw on the news today,
2
00:00:02,167 --> 00:00:05,506
talking about the violence
in foreign countries.
3
00:00:06,887 --> 00:00:09,822
talking about all the savagery
up in the world,
4
00:00:10,025 --> 00:00:13,751
but they ain't never
talk about South Central.
5
00:00:15,227 --> 00:00:18,582
Ain't never talk about
what happened to my brother.
6
00:00:19,396 --> 00:00:21,764
Now he's gone.
7
00:00:21,798 --> 00:00:24,160
Now I ain't got no brother.
8
00:00:25,366 --> 00:00:28,433
Yo, dog.
9
00:00:30,569 --> 00:00:33,303
I'll be your brother.
10
00:00:33,338 --> 00:00:34,538
Really?
11
00:00:35,099 --> 00:00:37,117
Absolutely, dog.
12
00:00:38,008 --> 00:00:40,142
You're gonna need somebody
to lean on.
13
00:00:40,176 --> 00:00:42,110
You can't just be
walking around here
14
00:00:42,144 --> 00:00:43,745
with this emptiness
in your heart, man.
15
00:00:43,779 --> 00:00:48,081
An emptiness that can only
be filled by a brother.
16
00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:51,315
Okay.
17
00:00:51,349 --> 00:00:55,184
- Brothers, man?
- Brothers!
18
00:00:55,219 --> 00:00:57,152
- Get it in here, dog.
- Come over here.
19
00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:58,386
You got to get it in there,
dog.
20
00:00:58,421 --> 00:00:59,754
I got to tuck it, man.
21
00:00:59,788 --> 00:01:01,155
Tuck it, tuck it, tuck it.
22
00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:02,589
Brothers, man.
23
00:01:02,624 --> 00:01:03,824
Come here, man.
24
00:01:03,858 --> 00:01:05,859
Why the [bleep] you keep
following me around, man?
25
00:01:05,894 --> 00:01:08,128
Why don't you go home
and stay out of my room?
26
00:01:08,162 --> 00:01:09,429
Don't mess with my models.
27
00:01:09,463 --> 00:01:10,463
I'm about to get a wedgie up
28
00:01:10,497 --> 00:01:11,497
in this mother[bleep]
right here.
29
00:01:11,531 --> 00:01:12,798
What the-- Hey!
30
00:01:12,832 --> 00:01:13,831
Hey! Get the [bleep]
off me, man.
31
00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,666
Give me the wedgie-- Hey.
32
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,700
Hey.
33
00:01:17,734 --> 00:01:20,259
You don't give a grown man
a wedgie.
34
00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:24,337
Mother[bleep],
I'm 34 years old.
35
00:01:25,643 --> 00:01:27,539
I got grandchildren.
36
00:01:43,468 --> 00:01:46,945
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
37
00:01:49,755 --> 00:01:52,089
Hey!
38
00:01:55,259 --> 00:01:57,259
Thank you!
39
00:02:00,129 --> 00:02:01,829
Thank you.
40
00:02:02,114 --> 00:02:04,148
- I am Keegan-Michael Key.
- I'm Jordan Peele.
41
00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:05,248
And we are Key and Peele.
42
00:02:05,283 --> 00:02:06,716
- Thank you for coming out.
- Yeah.
43
00:02:09,719 --> 00:02:11,920
You ever have a friend
that just
44
00:02:11,954 --> 00:02:15,156
uses the wrong slang
for the situation?
45
00:02:15,190 --> 00:02:16,256
Like, I know this dude
46
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:18,658
who would just say things
way too harsh...
47
00:02:18,692 --> 00:02:21,026
- Mm-hmm.
- for making love...
48
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,893
- Oof, yeah.
- Hooking up with a girl.
49
00:02:22,928 --> 00:02:24,194
Were you
with Tiffany last night?
50
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:25,428
- Yeah, man.
- Yeah.
51
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,930
You know that half-Ethiopian,
half-Chinese girl?
52
00:02:27,964 --> 00:02:29,197
Yeah. Yeah.
I know.
53
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,932
Oh, yeah.
How could I forget?
54
00:02:30,966 --> 00:02:32,633
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
55
00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:35,003
Man, crushed it.
56
00:02:35,037 --> 00:02:37,371
Smashed it, smoshed it.
Crushed it.
57
00:02:38,806 --> 00:02:42,241
Krishity-krishity-krishity-
krishity-krishna crushed it.
58
00:02:42,276 --> 00:02:43,909
There was that other girl
last week.
59
00:02:43,944 --> 00:02:46,478
- Yeah.
- Half-Paraguay, half-Uruguay?
60
00:02:46,512 --> 00:02:47,745
- I see. Yup.
61
00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:49,779
Yup. Yup.
62
00:02:49,814 --> 00:02:50,913
- Priz-nushed it.
63
00:02:50,948 --> 00:02:52,714
- Okay. Okay.
64
00:02:52,749 --> 00:02:54,449
Are both of those ladies okay?
65
00:02:54,484 --> 00:02:56,451
- Yup, both those ladies.
- Okay.
66
00:02:56,485 --> 00:03:00,286
- Other girl, half-Russian,
half-Prussian.
67
00:03:03,122 --> 00:03:04,989
I was crushin'
the Russian-Prussian.
68
00:03:09,594 --> 00:03:10,593
Whoa.
69
00:03:10,628 --> 00:03:12,195
Man, I felt sorry
for that dude,
70
00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:13,296
But, you know,
what you gonna do?
71
00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:15,197
I had to lay
that [bleep] down.
72
00:03:15,231 --> 00:03:16,630
You know I did, dog.
73
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:19,165
What?
That [bleep] lay you down.
74
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,066
Hey, brother, I don't know
what fight you was at.
75
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,734
That [bleep] got
a couple licks in, sure.
76
00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,802
But pfft, I was like, bip!
77
00:03:26,271 --> 00:03:28,571
Man, I put the pussy
on the chain wax.
78
00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:33,841
- Put the pussy on the--
- the chain wax.
79
00:03:33,876 --> 00:03:36,476
I put the pussy
on the chain wax.
80
00:03:36,511 --> 00:03:38,812
I put the pussy
on the chain wax.
81
00:03:38,846 --> 00:03:41,286
- Pussy on the chain wax?
- Hmm?
82
00:03:42,649 --> 00:03:44,248
Is that a thing?
83
00:03:45,884 --> 00:03:47,084
Well, yeah. That-- Yeah.
84
00:03:47,118 --> 00:03:48,318
That's a-- That's a thing.
85
00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:50,319
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's something.
86
00:03:50,354 --> 00:03:52,387
Okay.
87
00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:53,822
Yeah, I put the pussy
on the chain wax.
88
00:03:53,856 --> 00:03:55,422
Pussy on the chain wax!
89
00:03:55,457 --> 00:03:58,158
I said I put the pussy
on the chain wax!
90
00:03:58,192 --> 00:03:59,859
He put the pussy
on the chain wax.
91
00:03:59,893 --> 00:04:02,161
- Pussy on the chain wax.
- Pussy on the chain wax.
92
00:04:02,195 --> 00:04:03,761
Uh, pussy coming in.
93
00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:04,995
- This is the chain wax.
- Hold up.
94
00:04:05,029 --> 00:04:06,729
Hold up.
95
00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:09,305
I just, um, googled
"Pussy on the chain wax."
96
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:11,465
No results.
97
00:04:11,499 --> 00:04:14,401
Man, um,
why are you googling?
98
00:04:14,435 --> 00:04:15,468
No, I'm just saying.
99
00:04:15,570 --> 00:04:18,871
"Pussy on the chain wax,"
It's not an expression.
100
00:04:18,905 --> 00:04:20,405
Ye-- Yeah it is.
101
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,539
- Yeah, it is.
- Yes, thank you.
102
00:04:21,574 --> 00:04:22,807
- It's something, Leo.
- Yeah.
103
00:04:22,841 --> 00:04:24,675
What it-- What it--
What does it mean then?
104
00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:26,276
What does it mean?
105
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:28,677
- I'll tell you what it means.
- Do it, do it.
106
00:04:28,718 --> 00:04:31,430
It means that...
107
00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:35,225
is that you put the...
108
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:38,251
pussy on the chain wax!
109
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:40,986
Nope, nope.
110
00:04:41,021 --> 00:04:42,087
Pussy on the chain wax!
111
00:04:42,121 --> 00:04:43,488
It's not-- Don't--
112
00:04:43,522 --> 00:04:44,822
- Pussy on the chain wax!
- Pussy on the chain wax.
113
00:04:44,856 --> 00:04:46,756
Acting like y'all know
what it is--
114
00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:48,457
Okay, have either
of the two of you--
115
00:04:48,492 --> 00:04:51,059
have you ever said the words
116
00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:53,529
"Pussy on the chain wax"
in any context?
117
00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:55,764
- Pfft, us?
- Pfft.
118
00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:57,466
- He-- He talking to you.
- Man--
119
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,767
He ain't talking to me.
120
00:04:58,802 --> 00:05:00,636
Hey, man.
121
00:05:00,670 --> 00:05:02,404
It's not our fault
that you ain't never put the...
122
00:05:02,438 --> 00:05:04,739
pussy on the chain wax!
123
00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:05,873
Pussy on the chain wax!
124
00:05:05,908 --> 00:05:09,177
No one can put the pussy
on the chain wax
125
00:05:09,211 --> 00:05:12,180
'cause pussy on the chain wax
ain't a thing!
126
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,582
You trying to start a thing,
aren't you?
127
00:05:14,617 --> 00:05:17,352
Wha-- Me--
128
00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:20,722
I mean, what are you talking
about, trying to start a thing?
129
00:05:20,756 --> 00:05:23,258
A thing,
like "Off the hook"
130
00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:24,726
or "I'ma put you on blast."
131
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,360
You trying to get it
in the ether,
132
00:05:26,395 --> 00:05:29,196
so everybody out there saying
"Pussy on the chain wax."
133
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:30,697
Man, why are you
doing this?
134
00:05:30,732 --> 00:05:32,365
Why you looking up
[bleep] I'm saying and--
135
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,267
and fact-checking my ass
and [bleep]?
136
00:05:34,302 --> 00:05:37,804
You keep saying some [bleep]
that doesn't exist,
137
00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,205
and you got thing one
and thing two
138
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,340
corroborating your story
like it does,
139
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,275
and then--
why you lying then?
140
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:45,577
It's bull[bleep]!
141
00:05:48,346 --> 00:05:51,348
Bodie...
142
00:05:54,317 --> 00:05:59,121
Why do you care so much
143
00:05:59,155 --> 00:06:04,926
whether I made up
"pussy on the chain wax" or not?
144
00:06:08,497 --> 00:06:11,199
I lost my job.
145
00:06:13,202 --> 00:06:15,836
My girl left me.
146
00:06:17,805 --> 00:06:22,040
And all I w--
All I wanted to do
147
00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:27,410
was have a little bit of fun
with my friends today.
148
00:06:27,445 --> 00:06:28,745
So why-- why do you ha--
149
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:31,313
why do you have to belittle me
like that?
150
00:06:35,484 --> 00:06:37,151
- It's just that I--
- Yeah?
151
00:06:37,186 --> 00:06:39,420
I'm just trying to say--
152
00:06:39,455 --> 00:06:43,357
What you trying to say,
[bleep]?
153
00:06:43,391 --> 00:06:45,826
I'm trying to say
154
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:49,263
that I want
to put the pussy...
155
00:06:49,297 --> 00:06:52,599
on the chain wax!
156
00:06:54,268 --> 00:06:55,969
He did it, yo.
He put the...
157
00:06:56,003 --> 00:06:58,471
- pussy on the chain wax!
- Yeah!
158
00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:07,637
So, uh, yeah.
159
00:07:07,671 --> 00:07:09,605
I got, like,
30-something followers.
160
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,941
I'm up to, like,
15 tweets a day.
161
00:07:11,975 --> 00:07:16,179
So if you wanted to, um,
follow-- all right.
162
00:07:16,213 --> 00:07:19,682
No, no, no, no!
163
00:07:19,716 --> 00:07:21,884
- What?
- They hating on the Hathaways.
164
00:07:21,918 --> 00:07:24,486
They hating on the Hathaways?
165
00:07:24,521 --> 00:07:27,990
They straight hating
on Annie Hathaways.
166
00:07:28,024 --> 00:07:30,025
- That's your girl, dog!
- I know that's my girl, dog.
167
00:07:30,060 --> 00:07:31,798
Annie Hathaways
from Devil Wears Pradas?
168
00:07:31,832 --> 00:07:32,761
They hating on her.
169
00:07:32,826 --> 00:07:34,296
- Nicholas Nicklebys?
- Straight hating!
170
00:07:34,331 --> 00:07:36,298
- Les Misérables?
- Les Misérables!
171
00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:37,666
♪ I dreamed a dreams,
and dreams get dreamed ♪
172
00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:39,068
- Oh, man.
- No, what?
173
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:40,269
Why you be hating on that?
174
00:07:40,303 --> 00:07:41,837
How do you be hating
on the Hathaways?
175
00:07:41,871 --> 00:07:43,472
I do not know!
176
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,073
- 'cause that's your girl, dog!
- That's my girl with the--
177
00:07:45,108 --> 00:07:46,241
I've been rolling
with the Hathaways
178
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:47,643
Since Princess Diaries!
179
00:07:47,677 --> 00:07:49,678
Shh.
180
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,781
You was there since day one!
181
00:07:53,816 --> 00:07:55,316
Man, you know I be loving me
some Princess Diaries 2:
182
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,384
The Royal Engagement!
183
00:07:56,418 --> 00:07:57,685
You got the Blu-ray!
184
00:07:57,719 --> 00:07:59,654
And I got that on DVD
and LaserDisc and VHS, man.
185
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,422
- Pfft.
- Rachel Getting Married though.
186
00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:02,657
- What? Uh-uh.
- Mm-mm.
187
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:03,791
- Uh-uh. uh-uh.
- Rachel Getting Married.
188
00:08:03,826 --> 00:08:04,892
Rachel Getting Married,
though?
189
00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:05,894
Rachel Getting Married,
though.
190
00:08:05,928 --> 00:08:07,161
Yo, do you love
Anne Hathaways?
191
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,329
- I do!
- Come on.
192
00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:12,333
- Hathaways!
- Come on, man.
193
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,302
- And the Oscar goes to...
- Annie Hathaways.
194
00:08:14,336 --> 00:08:15,703
- Crackhead killed her brother!
- That's right.
195
00:08:15,738 --> 00:08:17,305
- Come on.
- Broken Back.
196
00:08:17,339 --> 00:08:18,640
- Okay, Broken Backs.
Broken Backs.
197
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:19,674
Talking about
Broken Back Mountain.
198
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:20,808
That's right.
Broken Backs, dog!
199
00:08:20,843 --> 00:08:21,909
I'm married
to Jake Jiggling-halls.
200
00:08:21,944 --> 00:08:23,244
- Uh, Giggling-thalls?
- Thank you.
201
00:08:23,279 --> 00:08:24,545
I stand corrected.
So wait. You know what?
202
00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:25,580
I didn't like that one.
203
00:08:25,614 --> 00:08:26,614
That was not
my [bleep], though.
204
00:08:26,649 --> 00:08:27,749
Broken Backs
was not my [bleep].
205
00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:28,883
- But she was good in that.
- She was good.
206
00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:30,285
Oh, play that confident
Texas businesswoman.
207
00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,686
Talk about straight up,
"You know what?
208
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,121
"I'm struggling
with my husband's sexuality."
209
00:08:33,155 --> 00:08:34,656
She kept her integrity
at the same time
210
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:36,424
- as showing her breasteses.
- That's a delicate balance.
211
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:37,792
That's a delicate balance.
212
00:08:37,826 --> 00:08:39,127
Why was you hating
on the Hathaways?
213
00:08:39,161 --> 00:08:40,995
But why would you be hating
on the Hathaways?
214
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,363
Confident woman in Hollywood
215
00:08:42,397 --> 00:08:44,231
whose sole character flaw
is that she cares too much!
216
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,666
She cares too much!
217
00:08:45,701 --> 00:08:47,368
- It's that she cares too much!
- Yeah, she care too much!
218
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,037
- Come on!
- Come on!
219
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,538
You know
who they never be hating on?
220
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,357
- Who's that, dog?
- Sandra Bullocksies.
221
00:08:52,377 --> 00:08:54,242
- Sandra Bullocksies.
- She's my girl,
222
00:08:54,276 --> 00:08:55,543
and they never be hating
on her.
223
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:56,744
That's your girl right there.
Straight up there.
224
00:08:56,779 --> 00:08:58,112
Sandra Bullocksies
your girl right there.
225
00:08:58,147 --> 00:08:59,381
Straight up.
226
00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:00,882
Do you know who should
do a movie together, though?
227
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,484
But who is that, dog?
228
00:09:02,518 --> 00:09:05,286
Bullocksies and Hathaways!
229
00:09:05,321 --> 00:09:06,921
You talking
about some Hathaway
230
00:09:06,956 --> 00:09:08,289
- and some Bullocksies?
- No!
231
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:09,724
I'm talking
about some Bullocksies
232
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,293
and some Hathaways!
233
00:09:11,327 --> 00:09:12,761
Let me just explain
what I'm talking about, though.
234
00:09:12,795 --> 00:09:16,732
I'm talking about some Hathaways
and some Bullocksies.
235
00:09:16,766 --> 00:09:17,800
No, you right.
236
00:09:17,834 --> 00:09:19,935
Bullocksies.
Hathaways.
237
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:25,474
That would be my [bleep]!
238
00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:30,213
Oh.
239
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:31,981
- Oh, you good?
- Yeah, I-I'm good.
240
00:09:32,015 --> 00:09:33,149
I thought something
Was gonna...
241
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:34,617
- Me too. so--
- happen for a second there.
242
00:09:34,651 --> 00:09:37,220
Figured we would transform
in some way,
243
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:40,022
shape, or form.
Okay.
244
00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:42,958
That would be my [bleep]!
245
00:09:42,992 --> 00:09:48,130
That would be my [bleep]!
246
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:56,906
Who's the most dignified
black person in the world?
247
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:58,641
Sidney Poitier.
248
00:09:58,675 --> 00:09:59,641
- Sidney.
- Sidney Poitier.
249
00:09:59,676 --> 00:10:00,943
Yeah. See? See?
250
00:10:00,977 --> 00:10:03,245
All I did was say his name,
and you start to clap.
251
00:10:03,279 --> 00:10:04,613
He is.
252
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:06,648
He's the most graceful,
dignified man in the world.
253
00:10:06,682 --> 00:10:08,016
- Is who?
- Sidney Poitier.
254
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:09,184
Okay.
Gotta give it up.
255
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:11,253
Gotta give it up.
256
00:10:11,287 --> 00:10:12,454
You know who's on his way,
though?
257
00:10:12,488 --> 00:10:14,290
- Morgan Freeman's on his way.
- Mm-hmm.
258
00:10:14,324 --> 00:10:16,959
He's on, like, second-tiered
super dignity status.
259
00:10:16,993 --> 00:10:18,094
(imitates Freeman)
"Morgan Freeman.
260
00:10:18,128 --> 00:10:19,695
"He's a frisky
little mother[bleep]."
261
00:10:21,398 --> 00:10:23,066
Well, you see Morgan Freeman
in public.
262
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,301
He's got, like,
a leather jacket and jeans.
263
00:10:25,335 --> 00:10:26,769
Yeah.
264
00:10:28,538 --> 00:10:29,972
(imitates Freeman)
"I still got it."
265
00:10:30,007 --> 00:10:32,942
"Still got it."
266
00:10:35,879 --> 00:10:37,413
Hello, everyone.
267
00:10:37,448 --> 00:10:40,016
I'm Joseph Carmichael.
268
00:10:40,050 --> 00:10:46,022
Otis is-- was my father.
269
00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:49,425
But we are not here today
to mourn his death,
270
00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:51,594
but to celebrate his life.
271
00:10:51,629 --> 00:10:55,332
We knew Otis as a teacher,
a community leader,
272
00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:59,002
a role model, a husband,
and a father.
273
00:10:59,037 --> 00:11:01,004
Now, I thought
it would be nice
274
00:11:01,039 --> 00:11:04,408
to share something about him
y'all may not have known.
275
00:11:04,442 --> 00:11:06,043
When my father was younger,
276
00:11:06,077 --> 00:11:07,945
he was an actor
in Hollywood.
277
00:11:08,563 --> 00:11:10,214
Going through my dad's things,
278
00:11:10,248 --> 00:11:13,360
I found this reel of his work
as an actor.
279
00:11:14,119 --> 00:11:15,686
I haven't seen it yet,
280
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,289
but I thought
it would be fun to watch,
281
00:11:18,323 --> 00:11:20,827
here with all of you today.
282
00:11:24,931 --> 00:11:26,765
Thank you.
283
00:11:36,475 --> 00:11:39,121
Where are my pies?
284
00:11:40,246 --> 00:11:44,516
Ribbles, where are the pies
I put on my windowsill?
285
00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:49,343
Why, I don't know,
Mrs. Caruthers.
286
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,701
Why would anyone
want to steal
287
00:11:51,763 --> 00:11:54,371
one of your delicious
blueberry pies?
288
00:11:58,322 --> 00:11:59,533
Hey.
289
00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:01,969
See to it you shine
those shoes up nice, boy.
290
00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:05,738
Yes, sir,
you best be believing I will!
291
00:12:05,773 --> 00:12:09,294
I'll shine your shoes blacker
than my mama's booty.
292
00:12:26,021 --> 00:12:27,288
Ooga-booga!
293
00:12:27,322 --> 00:12:29,289
Ooga-booga shoo!
Ooga-booga shoo!
294
00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:30,757
- Ooga-booga!
- Oh, hell no!
295
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:33,359
Ooga-booga shoo!
296
00:12:52,513 --> 00:12:55,615
In 1964,
my father marched
297
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,951
with Martin Luther King Jr.
and Harry Belafonte
298
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,955
along with other renowned
civil rights leaders.
299
00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:09,340
The big boss of any company
is always, like, super carefree.
300
00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:11,125
Right,
you got a cushy job.
301
00:13:11,159 --> 00:13:12,760
- You're-- You're the boss.
- Right.
302
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:13,861
Those are the guys
walking around,
303
00:13:13,895 --> 00:13:14,895
"Hey.
How's everybody doing?
304
00:13:14,929 --> 00:13:16,897
"I'll be in my office."
305
00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:18,665
Yeah. Yeah.
306
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,033
And my boss-- I used to work
at the theater in Chicago,
307
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:21,334
called the Second City,
308
00:13:21,369 --> 00:13:22,969
and my boss used to do
this thing with me all the time.
309
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,171
Hey.
Hey, what's going on?
310
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,272
- Hey.
- Hey.
311
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,107
Oh.
312
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,076
What are you up to?
What's going on?
313
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,744
- Oh, just fi--
- Yeah.
314
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,214
Just, uh-- in the--
Oh!
315
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:38,951
You hanging in there?
Things are good?
316
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,686
- I'm hanging in there, yeah.
- Things are good?
317
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,022
Just been filing a sexual,
uh, harassment lawsuit.
318
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,057
Oh, okay.
319
00:13:46,447 --> 00:13:47,981
Okay, all right.
320
00:13:48,015 --> 00:13:49,383
Good morning, Tom.
321
00:13:49,417 --> 00:13:51,017
Jason.
322
00:13:51,052 --> 00:13:52,318
How you doing there, Dave?
323
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,287
Crystal, Tommy.
324
00:13:54,321 --> 00:13:55,688
Good morning, Jake.
325
00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:57,023
How are you?
326
00:13:57,057 --> 00:13:58,224
Pretty good, Kenny.
327
00:13:58,259 --> 00:13:59,325
Yeah, yeah.
328
00:13:59,844 --> 00:14:01,445
Uh, you know,
so early in the morning,
329
00:14:01,479 --> 00:14:03,581
I'm sorry to be
the bearer of bad news,
330
00:14:03,615 --> 00:14:05,450
but, uh, you know how I was
331
00:14:05,484 --> 00:14:07,485
- supposed to work late tonight?
- Mm-hmm.
332
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,988
Well, I got to run this errand
for Mr. Mahina,
333
00:14:10,022 --> 00:14:11,957
and he says that you're gonna
have to cover for me,
334
00:14:11,991 --> 00:14:13,792
So there it is.
I don't nee-- I'm sorry.
335
00:14:13,826 --> 00:14:15,027
Dropped the ax.
336
00:14:15,061 --> 00:14:16,762
Okay, so--
337
00:14:16,796 --> 00:14:18,997
- Hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
338
00:14:19,031 --> 00:14:20,565
- Again.
- Yeah.
339
00:14:20,599 --> 00:14:23,400
So-- Oh, you know what?
340
00:14:23,435 --> 00:14:24,935
Just remembered.
341
00:14:24,970 --> 00:14:27,771
Mr. Mahina also--
almost slipped my mind--
342
00:14:27,806 --> 00:14:29,807
wants us to, uh,
change parking spaces.
343
00:14:29,841 --> 00:14:31,175
What?
344
00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:32,743
Yeah.
M-Me personally?
345
00:14:32,778 --> 00:14:34,912
I enjoy
the nine-minute walk,
346
00:14:34,947 --> 00:14:36,647
But, uh, he said
that we have to do it.
347
00:14:36,682 --> 00:14:39,183
Believe it.
I hate it as much as you do.
348
00:14:39,218 --> 00:14:40,952
- What are you gonna do?
- Nothing you can do.
349
00:14:40,986 --> 00:14:42,153
If Mr. Mahina said it--
350
00:14:42,187 --> 00:14:43,821
Mahina.
351
00:14:43,856 --> 00:14:45,356
This whole situation
has been Mahina-nized.
352
00:14:45,391 --> 00:14:47,625
It just seems
a little confusing to me
353
00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:49,860
as to why Mr. Mahina
354
00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,363
would give a [bleep]
where we park.
355
00:14:52,397 --> 00:14:53,831
How's that?
356
00:14:53,865 --> 00:14:57,735
I mean, why would he care
where we park?
357
00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,171
I-I don't know the answer
to that question.
358
00:14:59,205 --> 00:15:00,605
I-I mean, that's--
it's just what he said.
359
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,041
He-- Hey, the Mahina works
in mysterious ways.
360
00:15:03,075 --> 00:15:04,876
You know what, I'm gonna
ask him myself 'cause--
361
00:15:04,910 --> 00:15:07,912
No, that's okay!
I'll do it!
362
00:15:14,053 --> 00:15:15,286
Uh, Mr. Mahina, sir,
I know you're busy,
363
00:15:15,321 --> 00:15:17,522
but can I speak to you
about the parking switch?
364
00:15:17,556 --> 00:15:19,123
What's there to talk about,
Kenny?
365
00:15:19,158 --> 00:15:22,394
I told you and Jake
to switch parking spaces!
366
00:15:22,428 --> 00:15:24,563
Don't you know who I am?
367
00:15:24,597 --> 00:15:26,899
I am Mr. Mahina,
368
00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:29,602
And I'm a real,
real person in here!
369
00:15:29,636 --> 00:15:32,672
Get the hell
out of my office!
370
00:15:34,942 --> 00:15:36,243
Wow.
Did you hear that?
371
00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:37,477
It was crazy in there.
372
00:15:37,511 --> 00:15:40,313
I mean, that was--
whew, tense.
373
00:15:40,348 --> 00:15:41,615
Yeah.
374
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,784
You know
what's really crazy, though?
375
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,185
Hmm?
376
00:15:45,219 --> 00:15:46,420
I've been working here
for about a year,
377
00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:48,889
and I've never even
seen Mr. Mahina.
378
00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:50,757
Well, see, now that's--
that's an easy one to answer.
379
00:15:50,792 --> 00:15:52,693
That's because he comes in
before you come into work,
380
00:15:52,727 --> 00:15:53,994
and he's still working
when you leave.
381
00:15:54,029 --> 00:15:55,062
That's-- That's what makes him
Mr. Mahina.
382
00:15:55,097 --> 00:15:56,330
You know, come on.
383
00:15:56,365 --> 00:15:58,065
We're talking
about Mr. Mahina here, right?
384
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,300
It makes perfect sense.
385
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,368
- You know, I bet...
- Mm-hmm.
386
00:16:01,402 --> 00:16:02,736
the hardworking boss
387
00:16:02,770 --> 00:16:06,306
would love to meet
a hardworking employee,
388
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,208
uou know,
who shares the same values,
389
00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:11,444
so I'm gonna go ahead
and just introduce myself--
390
00:16:11,479 --> 00:16:13,246
No, no! Uh--
391
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,681
You can't go
into Mr. Mahina's room.
392
00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:15,782
Are you crazy?
393
00:16:15,816 --> 00:16:16,816
No one except me
is allowed to go in there.
394
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,085
Mr. Mahina is busy!
395
00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:24,324
Okay, fine.
You made your point clear, man.
396
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,725
Thank you very much, Jake.
I think it's best--
397
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,860
- And what--
- Wait, no, Jake! Wait, Jake!
398
00:16:27,894 --> 00:16:30,396
I can't--
399
00:16:33,211 --> 00:16:35,746
Come on, man.
400
00:16:36,402 --> 00:16:41,306
What?
Question my existence, will you?
401
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:48,261
...bucket creature?
402
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,536
Listen to me.
The people...
403
00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,699
I'll have the end of the year
report to you by 10.
404
00:16:58,529 --> 00:17:00,230
Freeze!
Police.
405
00:17:00,265 --> 00:17:03,334
Hands up.
406
00:17:03,368 --> 00:17:06,437
Turn around slowly.
407
00:17:10,876 --> 00:17:12,910
Okay, buddy.
408
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:15,980
Do not move a muscle.
409
00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:21,453
Up! Up!
410
00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:22,454
Get your hands back up.
411
00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:24,156
No, raise them.
412
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,391
Up, hands up, now!
413
00:17:28,528 --> 00:17:30,329
No, no m-- Stop!
414
00:17:30,363 --> 00:17:31,497
I said no moving.
415
00:17:31,531 --> 00:17:33,765
Put your foot down.
416
00:17:34,968 --> 00:17:36,101
That's good.
417
00:17:36,136 --> 00:17:37,503
Now, easy does it.
No!
418
00:17:37,537 --> 00:17:38,837
Don't pick
your other foot up!
419
00:17:38,872 --> 00:17:41,207
Put that down.
Put your foot down!
420
00:17:41,241 --> 00:17:43,976
Put your foot down.
There we go.
421
00:17:44,011 --> 00:17:45,378
No, do not
pick the other one up.
422
00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:47,146
Put that one down.
423
00:17:47,181 --> 00:17:48,948
Put your foot down.
No, not--
424
00:17:48,982 --> 00:17:50,250
Put them both down
at the sa-- Okay.
425
00:17:50,284 --> 00:17:52,785
Now you're just walking.
Stop walking!
426
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,120
Now!
427
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:55,522
St-- No walking!
428
00:17:55,556 --> 00:17:57,958
I want you to stop walking
right now.
429
00:17:57,992 --> 00:17:58,992
Do not get near that car.
430
00:17:59,026 --> 00:18:00,026
Wait, get away from it.
431
00:18:00,061 --> 00:18:01,661
No, don't go
near that car.
432
00:18:01,695 --> 00:18:02,795
Don't open that door!
433
00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:04,397
Do not open that door!
434
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,597
Don't open it.
435
00:18:05,632 --> 00:18:07,132
Do not open the car door!
436
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,834
Don't you open that door.
437
00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:11,169
Don't!
Do not get in that car.
438
00:18:11,204 --> 00:18:13,038
Freeze!
439
00:18:13,072 --> 00:18:14,239
Your butt better not
hit that seat.
440
00:18:14,274 --> 00:18:15,708
The-- Okay.
441
00:18:15,742 --> 00:18:17,042
Stay-- Do--
Get-- Get out of there.
442
00:18:17,077 --> 00:18:19,879
Get out of the car right now.
No, you don't.
443
00:18:19,913 --> 00:18:23,048
Don't you dare reach
for that glove compartment.
444
00:18:23,083 --> 00:18:24,850
Don't reach
for that glove compartment!
445
00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:26,819
Get away
from the glove compartment!
446
00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:28,254
Get your hand away
from the glove compartment!
447
00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:29,855
Don't you open it!
448
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:31,390
Do not grab that gun!
449
00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:33,859
Whatever you do, dude,
you better not grab that gun.
450
00:18:33,893 --> 00:18:35,894
You better not
grab that gun.
451
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:38,831
Do not pull that gun on me.
452
00:18:38,865 --> 00:18:40,600
Put that down!
453
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:41,668
Don't you pull that gun on me.
454
00:18:41,702 --> 00:18:43,036
No, hey.
Put that down.
455
00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:45,939
Don't do it!
456
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:49,242
Damn it!
God damn it!
457
00:18:57,918 --> 00:19:00,519
Damn it.
Not again.
458
00:19:09,102 --> 00:19:11,102
- Hey.
- Hey.
459
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,342
Hey. How you doing?
How you doing?
460
00:19:12,391 --> 00:19:13,868
Hey. What's going on?
How you doing?
461
00:19:13,901 --> 00:19:15,058
How you doing?
462
00:19:15,091 --> 00:19:17,091
You look off.
Come on. Go ahead.
463
00:19:17,474 --> 00:19:19,474
Oh. Come on. Will you?
Hey hey. Come on!
464
00:19:19,602 --> 00:19:23,064
No. Don't. Stop it.
Stop it.
465
00:19:23,116 --> 00:19:25,116
- That's fun.
- That's fun. I like it.
466
00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:33,067
You big. You big.
467
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,344
- I know you.
- How are you?
468
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,090
I don't think I like you.
I don't think--
469
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,669
- No. No.
- No!
470
00:19:48,026 --> 00:19:49,848
Hey. What ya eating?
What ya eating?
471
00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:52,122
Get the [bleep]
away from me!
472
00:19:52,161 --> 00:19:54,161
- Oh, but that's food.
- [bleep] off!
473
00:19:54,161 --> 00:19:55,591
- That's food, though.
- [bleep] off.
474
00:19:55,725 --> 00:19:56,656
Damn.
475
00:19:58,814 --> 00:20:01,468
I like that.
I like the way you look.
476
00:20:01,562 --> 00:20:03,562
You look good to me.
477
00:20:05,683 --> 00:20:08,201
- You a dude. Sorry.
- That's okay. It happens.
478
00:20:16,425 --> 00:20:18,125
- Hey, what's up there?
- What's up? There's some--
479
00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:19,090
- Is there something up there?
- Yes.
480
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:19,957
- Is it up there?
- Yes.
481
00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:21,903
- Hey. Come here. You up there.
- I want to eat you in my mouth.
482
00:20:22,018 --> 00:20:23,422
- You up there.
- I want to eat you in my mouth.
483
00:20:23,453 --> 00:20:24,957
No, no. Get away, get away.
484
00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:27,449
I wanna be there.
I wanna be there.
485
00:20:27,535 --> 00:20:29,011
- I see you.
- Come down.
486
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:30,127
Come here.
487
00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:33,142
And it's been a wonderful season.
488
00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:36,067
And you have been a wonderful crowd.
And thank you so much.
489
00:20:36,225 --> 00:20:38,421
Hmm. We appreciate your passion.
490
00:20:38,466 --> 00:20:41,286
We appreciate you guys
watching the show and being fans.
491
00:20:41,376 --> 00:20:43,590
Because, without you,
we do not have a show.
492
00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:46,068
- You know what I wanna do?
- I know what you wanna do.
493
00:20:46,429 --> 00:20:49,764
- I want to put the...
- pussy on the chain wax.
494
00:20:49,852 --> 00:20:51,632
Yeah!
495
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,000
♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪
496
00:20:57,193 --> 00:20:58,835
Oh, yeah.
497
00:20:59,962 --> 00:21:02,968
Sync & corrections by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
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