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1
00:00:01,381 --> 00:00:02,682
Hoo!
Great hike today, buddy.
2
00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:04,586
I was coming up that last hill,
3
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,891
And I turned around and
you were nowhere to be found.
4
00:00:08,231 --> 00:00:09,368
Thought I was gonna have to
go back and get you.
5
00:00:09,402 --> 00:00:12,405
Uh, at least we made it.
6
00:00:14,508 --> 00:00:18,678
Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you,
I talk in my sleep.
7
00:00:18,712 --> 00:00:20,849
- Oh.
- Yeah, quite a bit, actually,
8
00:00:20,883 --> 00:00:24,421
So if it bothers you,
just wake me up.
9
00:00:24,456 --> 00:00:26,657
- Okay, buddy.
- Cool.
10
00:00:26,691 --> 00:00:29,693
- Good night.
- Good night.
11
00:00:33,869 --> 00:00:36,639
Dick head.
12
00:00:37,174 --> 00:00:40,311
You stupid dick head.
13
00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:44,415
"Hey, Jordan,
oh, let's go camping, come on.
14
00:00:44,449 --> 00:00:46,550
"Oh, Jordan, keep hiking.
We're almost there.
15
00:00:46,584 --> 00:00:48,752
"Oh, buddy."
16
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,554
So much [bleep] energy.
17
00:00:50,588 --> 00:00:53,691
Just shove that clif bar
up your ass,
18
00:00:53,726 --> 00:00:56,731
You bald [bleep]sucker.
19
00:00:58,736 --> 00:01:02,507
Jordan, Jordan.
20
00:01:02,541 --> 00:01:08,815
[bleep] you,
Keegan... hyphen... Michael... Key.
21
00:01:08,849 --> 00:01:10,483
Jordan, wake up,
22
00:01:10,517 --> 00:01:12,987
- you're talking in your sleep.
- Not asleep yet.
23
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:29,000
Subs created by David Coleman
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:32,691
Sync & correction by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:36,946
- Oh!
- Whoa.
26
00:01:41,486 --> 00:01:43,687
- Muay thai.
- Muay thai, muay thai.
27
00:01:46,124 --> 00:01:47,825
- Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you.
28
00:01:47,859 --> 00:01:50,863
You guys are awesome!
29
00:01:50,897 --> 00:01:53,265
Thank you so much.
I am Keegan-Michael Key.
30
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:55,067
- I'm Jordan Peele.
- And we are Key and Peele.
31
00:01:55,102 --> 00:01:58,004
Yeah, so...
32
00:01:58,038 --> 00:01:59,572
Thank you.
33
00:01:59,607 --> 00:02:02,342
Uh, ladies, are you...
how you doing tonight?
34
00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:06,914
You're good.
They're good.
35
00:02:06,948 --> 00:02:08,416
Every lady I've ever dated
36
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:11,118
somehow gets the impression
I can fight.
37
00:02:11,152 --> 00:02:13,453
Oh, that's... that's bad news
right off the bat.
38
00:02:13,487 --> 00:02:15,721
- That's bad news.
- 'Cause he cannot, yes.
39
00:02:15,756 --> 00:02:17,222
- I can... well...
- Nor can I.
40
00:02:17,257 --> 00:02:19,591
If I guy says
something disrespectful
41
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,258
to a lady that I'm with,
42
00:02:21,293 --> 00:02:22,793
I'll just pretend
like I didn't...
43
00:02:22,827 --> 00:02:25,661
- I-I went blind.
- Somehow you didn't hear it?
44
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,162
- Oh, man.
- Did you hear that?
45
00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:28,196
- I didn't... sss...
- Did you hear what he just
46
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:29,671
- said to me right here?
- I just had
47
00:02:29,699 --> 00:02:32,867
temporary blind-and deafness.
I don't know what's...
48
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,201
- He was standing right here.
- He said that?
49
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:35,536
He was standing right here,
calling me a...
50
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:38,271
Where he at, where he at?
He left?
51
00:02:38,306 --> 00:02:40,173
- See. aw, man.
- No, he right here.
52
00:02:40,207 --> 00:02:41,373
- He right here.
- No, I don't know
53
00:02:41,408 --> 00:02:42,541
where you pointing.
I don't know what...
54
00:02:42,575 --> 00:02:45,277
No, he's right...
he's right here.
55
00:02:45,311 --> 00:02:46,678
He's listening to you talk
right now.
56
00:02:46,712 --> 00:02:48,112
- Step to me!
- No, no.
57
00:02:48,147 --> 00:02:49,947
- Show yourself!
- This way. He's...
58
00:02:49,982 --> 00:02:51,983
- It ain't happening.
- He's right here.
59
00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:53,985
He is right...
He is right...
60
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,654
- Baby, baby, baby.
- Oh, well...
61
00:03:02,126 --> 00:03:05,294
- Can you totally chill out?
- No, I'm so annoyed right now.
62
00:03:05,328 --> 00:03:07,162
Can you, like, not talk to me
for, like, a second?
63
00:03:07,197 --> 00:03:09,231
Like, that'd be great.
That'd be fine.
64
00:03:09,265 --> 00:03:10,699
That'd be fine by me.
65
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:12,868
What?
Oh, my God, are you serious?
66
00:03:12,903 --> 00:03:15,037
This is bull[bleep].
What could possibly
67
00:03:15,072 --> 00:03:17,273
be the problem with letting
two more people in?
68
00:03:17,307 --> 00:03:19,143
Check your girl, bro.
69
00:03:19,177 --> 00:03:20,978
- I'm sorry.
- Excuse me, what did you say?
70
00:03:21,012 --> 00:03:23,414
"Check your girl"? Uh-uhh,
It doesn't work like that.
71
00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:25,449
No one checks me
because I'm not luggage.
72
00:03:25,483 --> 00:03:30,122
Okay? So you can go
[bleep] yoursee-elf.
73
00:03:30,156 --> 00:03:32,024
Meegan, seriously,
74
00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:34,259
Two more people are gonna
come out in a couple of seconds,
75
00:03:34,294 --> 00:03:35,560
and then we can go in.
76
00:03:35,595 --> 00:03:37,062
No!
Let me ask you a question.
77
00:03:37,097 --> 00:03:38,664
What was it like
being in The Green Mile?
78
00:03:38,698 --> 00:03:40,699
He wasn't in The Green Mile!
79
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,134
He clearly wasn't
in that movie.
80
00:03:42,169 --> 00:03:44,004
What does Tom Hanks's penis
feel like?
81
00:03:44,038 --> 00:03:46,106
- Meegan!
- Moreover, how does it feel
82
00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:48,408
when swarms of bees
are coming out of your face?
83
00:03:48,443 --> 00:03:50,310
Seriously, I'm sorry.
It's, like, her favorite movie.
84
00:03:50,344 --> 00:03:51,544
Don't apologize for me!
85
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:52,946
Yeah, this is nice,
this is nice.
86
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:55,181
You look like Common meets
The Incredible Hulk.
87
00:03:55,216 --> 00:03:56,416
- Meegan...
- When you brought
88
00:03:56,450 --> 00:03:58,219
the frankincense to Baby Jesus,
Did they, like...
89
00:03:58,253 --> 00:04:00,154
- Oh.
- Make you stand
90
00:04:00,188 --> 00:04:01,655
outside the barn
because you were too big,
91
00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:04,358
or did they invite you in
with all the other animals?
92
00:04:04,393 --> 00:04:05,726
Don't flare your nostrils
at me,
93
00:04:05,761 --> 00:04:07,494
- okay?
- He's...
94
00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,029
Do you have any idea
how impolite that is?
95
00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:13,501
He hasn't moved his nostrils
once since we got here.
96
00:04:13,536 --> 00:04:15,837
- I saw them move!
- They did not move, Meegan.
97
00:04:15,872 --> 00:04:16,905
They flared!
98
00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:18,640
Meegan, they [bleep]
did not move!
99
00:04:18,674 --> 00:04:22,710
Your nostrils flared more than
a survivor from a boat accident.
100
00:04:22,745 --> 00:04:23,979
What?
101
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:24,980
He's not even looking me
in the eyes.
102
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,381
Okay, you know what?
103
00:04:26,415 --> 00:04:28,850
If you're just going to continue
to be a little prick,
104
00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:30,952
you're gonna get your ass
kicked.
105
00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:33,555
Don't touch him, Mee...
Meegan.
106
00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:35,957
Crazy bitch.
107
00:04:45,768 --> 00:04:47,502
Oh!
108
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,005
I totally love my nails
right now.
109
00:04:51,641 --> 00:04:53,742
I'm so over everything
right now,
110
00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:56,477
over the floor,
I'm over the sky, I'm over you,
111
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:57,911
over that pussy back there.
112
00:04:57,946 --> 00:04:59,613
You're a pussy!
113
00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:01,415
- Meegan, seriously.
- Whatever.
114
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,519
Nice legs, little lady.
115
00:05:04,553 --> 00:05:07,622
Um, excuse me?
116
00:05:07,656 --> 00:05:09,390
Oh, God!
117
00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:10,992
Hey, what did you say?
118
00:05:11,026 --> 00:05:14,095
What the [bleep]
did you just say?
119
00:05:14,129 --> 00:05:18,265
You guys come back here with
your little itty-bitty dicks.
120
00:05:20,902 --> 00:05:22,536
You best control your lady.
121
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:24,171
- Yup.
- Excuse...
122
00:05:24,205 --> 00:05:27,608
"Control your lady"?
No, he doesn't control me,
123
00:05:27,642 --> 00:05:30,444
'cause let me tell you
something, I'm not a remote.
124
00:05:30,478 --> 00:05:33,180
Meegan, baby,
can we just let this go?
125
00:05:33,214 --> 00:05:35,315
No, I'm talking to the Pussies
of Anarchy right now.
126
00:05:35,350 --> 00:05:36,817
- Oh, boy.
- Yeah, you.
127
00:05:36,851 --> 00:05:39,052
Why don't you all
gather yourselves,
128
00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:41,221
and why don't you just go
and figure out a way
129
00:05:41,255 --> 00:05:44,424
to [bleep] on each other's
leathery peni.
130
00:05:44,459 --> 00:05:46,427
Hey, [bleep] you, bitch!
131
00:05:46,461 --> 00:05:49,463
Oh, no.
132
00:05:55,971 --> 00:05:59,073
It's not even the plural
of "penis."
133
00:05:59,107 --> 00:06:00,074
Yeah!
134
00:06:01,276 --> 00:06:05,412
I'm the queen of the world!
135
00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:08,148
Yes!
I feel invincible!
136
00:06:08,183 --> 00:06:11,485
Like I have super powers
or something. Ha ha!
137
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,888
You hear that,
all you [bleep] of the world?
138
00:06:13,923 --> 00:06:16,725
I can do anything I want,
and no one can stop me.
139
00:06:16,759 --> 00:06:18,793
Because you don't have to
fight your own fights,
140
00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:20,529
you crazy bitch!
141
00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:23,198
Oh, boy.
142
00:06:23,233 --> 00:06:26,702
Oh, no.
143
00:06:30,606 --> 00:06:33,709
Ugh! Oh.
144
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:36,211
Nothing can stop me!
145
00:06:37,213 --> 00:06:38,213
Action.
146
00:06:38,247 --> 00:06:39,548
Hey, have you ever
found yourself
147
00:06:39,582 --> 00:06:42,217
in High Point, North Carolina,
and not feeling safe?
148
00:06:42,251 --> 00:06:46,154
Come on down to Doug Duggart's
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
149
00:06:46,189 --> 00:06:48,289
You will learn
to tackle and grapple,
150
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,091
And...
151
00:06:52,728 --> 00:06:54,762
like a ultimate fighting pro.
152
00:06:54,796 --> 00:06:57,029
At my studio, you get
hands-on training,
153
00:06:58,832 --> 00:07:00,466
and individual attention.
154
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:04,669
So hut! Hut!
155
00:07:04,703 --> 00:07:06,370
Tackle and grapple.
156
00:07:06,405 --> 00:07:08,972
Take on multiple enemies.
157
00:07:09,006 --> 00:07:11,974
This is a tackle.
That's a grapple.
158
00:07:12,008 --> 00:07:13,975
This is a tackle.
159
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,543
That's a grapple.
160
00:07:15,578 --> 00:07:17,110
Get... There we go.
161
00:07:19,012 --> 00:07:20,379
Tackle and grapple!
162
00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:24,416
All ages, learn to protect
yourself and your loved ones.
163
00:07:30,055 --> 00:07:32,189
There are many
different levels.
164
00:07:32,223 --> 00:07:33,723
There's the beginner level,
165
00:07:33,758 --> 00:07:37,593
and if you pass my private
one-on-one sensei trial,
166
00:07:37,627 --> 00:07:40,862
you may make it
into the advanced class.
167
00:07:40,897 --> 00:07:42,029
Tackle and grapple!
168
00:07:42,064 --> 00:07:43,631
Doug Duggart's
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
169
00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:45,866
at the High Point mini mall.
Just east of the pizza barn
170
00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:48,502
two doors down from Carl's
Discount Wheels and Furniture.
171
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,003
So... quick tackle!
Get down.
172
00:07:54,176 --> 00:07:55,710
No, stay... stay away.
173
00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:57,712
Special discounts
for college students.
174
00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,347
S... Mm, move it.
Get your leg back.
175
00:08:00,549 --> 00:08:03,884
Put your leg back there.
176
00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:09,603
There's an elevator etiquette,
177
00:08:09,637 --> 00:08:11,571
and people gotta be following
this etiquette.
178
00:08:11,606 --> 00:08:14,475
When I get on an elevator
and I press six
179
00:08:14,509 --> 00:08:17,078
and the light lights up,
and you get in the elevator,
180
00:08:17,112 --> 00:08:19,547
if you're going to six
and you see the light's lit up,
181
00:08:19,581 --> 00:08:21,682
don't [bleep] touch the button.
182
00:08:21,716 --> 00:08:24,117
Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
diddle-diddle-dit
183
00:08:24,152 --> 00:08:26,453
dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit
diddle-diddle-dit.
184
00:08:26,487 --> 00:08:27,754
What are you doing,
Morse code up in here?
185
00:08:27,789 --> 00:08:29,256
Yeah, that's right, man,
I'm sending...
186
00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:30,424
sending a telegram.
187
00:08:30,458 --> 00:08:31,791
Sometimes it makes the doors
go faster.
188
00:08:31,826 --> 00:08:32,792
- Oh, yeah?
- You want to really
189
00:08:32,827 --> 00:08:34,060
- get it going...
- Uh-huh.
190
00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:35,629
- You gotta warm it up.
- Yeah, yeah.
191
00:08:35,663 --> 00:08:36,730
- Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit.
- Yeah. yeah,
192
00:08:36,765 --> 00:08:37,932
The doors have not yet
closed, sir.
193
00:08:37,966 --> 00:08:39,467
Every elevator's different,
man.
194
00:08:39,501 --> 00:08:43,070
I'm a elevator whisperer,
really, is what I am.
195
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,974
This one needs a little care,
needs a little tender...
196
00:08:46,008 --> 00:08:47,876
tender TLC.
Come on, baby.
197
00:08:47,910 --> 00:08:49,411
What's...
198
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:52,814
Come on, baby.
Let's get it going.
199
00:08:52,848 --> 00:08:54,615
Let's get it going.
200
00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:56,117
She's not responding to you.
201
00:08:56,151 --> 00:08:58,319
You know, I'm just...
just gonna take the next one.
202
00:08:58,353 --> 00:09:00,355
Yeah, all right, all right.
203
00:09:05,426 --> 00:09:07,594
Uh, I actually pressed it
already.
204
00:09:07,628 --> 00:09:10,631
- Mmm?
- The walk button, I pressed it.
205
00:09:16,903 --> 00:09:18,537
Couldn't hurt
to press it again.
206
00:09:18,571 --> 00:09:19,738
But it won't help.
207
00:09:19,773 --> 00:09:22,675
I mean, I pressed it
already, right?
208
00:09:22,709 --> 00:09:24,678
It's already done.
209
00:09:24,712 --> 00:09:26,479
You don't think
I didn't press it?
210
00:09:26,514 --> 00:09:28,782
No, I wasn't saying that.
211
00:09:28,817 --> 00:09:31,919
Good, 'cause I most certainly
did press it.
212
00:09:31,954 --> 00:09:34,956
Just have to wait for it
to change.
213
00:09:40,595 --> 00:09:42,564
So I'm, like, late for work,
214
00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:44,532
So I'm just...
just gonna press it.
215
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:47,536
What for? Why would you do
something that's already done?
216
00:09:47,570 --> 00:09:53,242
I mean, I just think that
that's crazy, right?
217
00:09:53,276 --> 00:09:55,377
- I dunno.
- You wouldn't suit up
218
00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:58,780
and try to kill Bin Laden again.
It's done.
219
00:09:58,814 --> 00:10:03,818
I have killed the Bin laden
of pressing this button.
220
00:10:03,852 --> 00:10:06,154
How long ago did you press it?
221
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:08,757
What do you think, I've been
standing here for days?
222
00:10:08,791 --> 00:10:10,058
- I...
- I just pressed it
223
00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:11,693
right as you walked up.
224
00:10:11,728 --> 00:10:13,128
Are you sure you pressed it?
225
00:10:13,163 --> 00:10:15,464
Am I sure I pressed it?
It's... how could I miss it?
226
00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:17,833
Rats know how to press buttons.
227
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,234
Do you think
I'm dumber than a rat?
228
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:22,204
No. No, nobody's saying
anything like that, man.
229
00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:25,240
It's gonna change.
Just... just wait.
230
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,609
It's because I pressed it
already.
231
00:10:27,643 --> 00:10:30,445
Okay, no offense.
I'm just gonna press it.
232
00:10:30,479 --> 00:10:32,648
What would you do that for?
This is precision equipment
233
00:10:32,682 --> 00:10:34,817
Designed by people
with engineering degrees.
234
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:35,952
It will work.
235
00:10:35,986 --> 00:10:38,588
I pressed it, sir!
I pressed the button!
236
00:10:38,622 --> 00:10:40,223
While we've been standing here,
237
00:10:40,257 --> 00:10:42,792
the light cycle
has gone by twice, okay?
238
00:10:42,826 --> 00:10:44,627
I'm not saying
you didn't press it.
239
00:10:44,661 --> 00:10:45,828
I'm just saying
maybe it didn't work!
240
00:10:45,863 --> 00:10:47,063
If it didn't work for me,
241
00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:49,699
why in the world
would it work for you?
242
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:53,636
You think that it would
change faster if you pressed it?
243
00:10:53,671 --> 00:10:55,631
You think the light
doesn't like me, or something,
244
00:10:55,639 --> 00:10:58,808
or do you think that this
particular button was designed
245
00:10:58,843 --> 00:11:00,043
so that it only works
246
00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,978
after the second time
that it's been pressed?
247
00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:04,781
'cause that's lunacy, okay?
Do you understand?
248
00:11:04,816 --> 00:11:08,051
Do not cut my balls off
on this one, okay?
249
00:11:08,086 --> 00:11:12,622
Please,
do not press the button...
250
00:11:12,657 --> 00:11:13,790
again.
251
00:11:13,825 --> 00:11:18,162
Okay, fine!
We'll just stand here!
252
00:11:18,196 --> 00:11:21,899
Thank you.
253
00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:23,968
- What?
- Hey, no!
254
00:11:24,002 --> 00:11:25,970
Oh! oh!
255
00:11:26,004 --> 00:11:28,772
Told you shouldn't have pressed
the button.
256
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:31,007
Told him not to do that.
257
00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:34,041
No, actually, I already
pressed the button, sir.
258
00:11:37,977 --> 00:11:40,445
All right, fellas,
Coming to the stage next
259
00:11:40,479 --> 00:11:42,880
is the beautiful Galaxy.
260
00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:46,084
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, baby.
261
00:11:48,588 --> 00:11:50,589
Oh.
262
00:11:52,292 --> 00:11:55,160
Gon' be for you.
263
00:11:55,195 --> 00:11:56,428
You can keep it.
264
00:11:56,463 --> 00:11:58,230
There's more
where that came from too.
265
00:11:58,265 --> 00:12:00,233
Trust me.
266
00:12:01,735 --> 00:12:04,370
There's my girl.
Oh, damn.
267
00:12:04,404 --> 00:12:06,839
I'm straight up talkin' 'bout
some Darryl Dawkins right here,
268
00:12:06,873 --> 00:12:07,840
Because this
some chocolate thunder.
269
00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:09,742
What, girl?
Make it rain!
270
00:12:09,776 --> 00:12:11,443
Yeah.
271
00:12:11,478 --> 00:12:13,946
- Oh, yeah, girl.
- I try to make it last!
272
00:12:15,983 --> 00:12:18,651
What...
273
00:12:18,685 --> 00:12:20,019
All right, girl, mmm.
274
00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:22,021
Sha-pam! I'ma get it
right in the booty right there.
275
00:12:22,056 --> 00:12:23,389
Uh, and booty-swam!
276
00:12:23,424 --> 00:12:24,924
That's what you call
a booty investment.
277
00:12:24,959 --> 00:12:26,593
Sha-blam!
278
00:12:26,627 --> 00:12:29,729
But you really don't need
to give 'em that much.
279
00:12:29,763 --> 00:12:31,264
I don't think
they're expecting all that.
280
00:12:31,298 --> 00:12:33,232
Whoo!
281
00:12:33,267 --> 00:12:35,108
It's kind of like
feeding a squirrel, you know?
282
00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:37,169
I mean, they will
come back to you, so...
283
00:12:37,203 --> 00:12:39,371
Oh, oh, oh, my gosh.
Some of this is getting lost.
284
00:12:39,406 --> 00:12:40,606
Let's get it right
where it needs to be.
285
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,375
- Right in there, baby. oh, yeah.
- Keep it classy.
286
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:45,177
- Ha ha ha!
- Keep it classy.
287
00:12:45,211 --> 00:12:46,678
Oh, [bleep], somebody
better get a umbrella,
288
00:12:46,713 --> 00:12:48,013
'cause I can't stop
making it rain.
289
00:12:48,047 --> 00:12:49,548
It's like Noah's flood
up in here.
290
00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:53,585
Whoo, two by two, baby.
Two by two! Ha ha!
291
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:55,320
Baby, you don't know
that I'm the General,
292
00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:57,715
'cause it's Stormin' Norman.
That's what they be calling me.
293
00:13:05,565 --> 00:13:07,132
- Ahh.
- Damn.
294
00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:09,735
Anyway, like I said,
when you finish training,
295
00:13:09,769 --> 00:13:11,570
we'll get Scotty Musso
up in here.
296
00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:13,939
That [bleep] can train a boxer.
297
00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:23,448
Ooh, Lord have mercy.
298
00:13:23,482 --> 00:13:25,016
You don't know nothing
about this.
299
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:27,118
Make it rain!
300
00:13:27,152 --> 00:13:28,653
- Aah!
- What the...
301
00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:30,087
Are you an idiot?
302
00:13:30,122 --> 00:13:32,923
Leon, get this guy outta here.
303
00:13:32,957 --> 00:13:35,859
All right, nobody move!
There he is.
304
00:13:35,894 --> 00:13:36,927
There who is?
305
00:13:36,962 --> 00:13:38,429
- You, on your feet!
- What?
306
00:13:38,464 --> 00:13:41,065
- On your feet.
- What I do?
307
00:13:41,099 --> 00:13:43,500
You're under arrest
for photocopying money.
308
00:13:43,535 --> 00:13:45,536
Oh, goddamn it!
309
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:48,339
You know how long it took me
to cut all that out?
310
00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:51,075
I got carpal tunnel syndrome
up in this bitch,
311
00:13:51,109 --> 00:13:53,177
calluses on the inside
of my thumbs.
312
00:13:53,211 --> 00:13:54,845
That's definitely real, though.
313
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,898
Remember the character
that Laurence Fishburne played
314
00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:04,367
in Boyz N the Hood?
Furious, right?
315
00:14:04,401 --> 00:14:08,071
We love those characters
who are... like, the older dudes
316
00:14:08,105 --> 00:14:09,573
who just have to be
spouting advice
317
00:14:09,607 --> 00:14:11,041
to everybody in the movie.
318
00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:15,946
Dude walking around with
some sort of food in his hand.
319
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,981
Want a lemonhead, son?
You want a lemonhead?
320
00:14:18,016 --> 00:14:21,785
You want a lemonhead, son?
Want a lemonhead?
321
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,488
I got corn nuts in this hand,
lemonheads in this hand.
322
00:14:26,525 --> 00:14:28,559
Which one you want?
323
00:14:28,594 --> 00:14:29,915
The funny thing
about those dudes,
324
00:14:29,929 --> 00:14:32,064
those dudes, they're never,
like, in their 70s.
325
00:14:32,098 --> 00:14:33,999
They were always,
like, in their 40s or 50s.
326
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,133
- Mm-hmm.
- [bleep], why is you...
327
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:37,535
- why don't you have a job?
- Yeah.
328
00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:39,504
- How are you giving me advice?
- Where is your job?
329
00:14:39,538 --> 00:14:40,905
He's just, like, you know,
sitting on...
330
00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:43,181
Boy, you need to get out there
and get yourself employed,
331
00:14:43,209 --> 00:14:44,809
- so something with your life.
- Mm-hmm.
332
00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:46,912
'cause I ain't got time
for no monkey business.
333
00:14:46,946 --> 00:14:48,113
Mm-hmm.
334
00:14:48,147 --> 00:14:50,381
And what do you do
for a living, sir?
335
00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:53,817
L... Advise.
336
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:05,861
Mm, brothers, brothers,
brothers,
337
00:15:05,896 --> 00:15:10,333
see, when are we gon' think
of ourselves as more than this?
338
00:15:12,002 --> 00:15:14,103
What y'all doing,
y'all rollin'? huh?
339
00:15:15,239 --> 00:15:17,106
Flippin'? Stoopin'?
340
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:18,874
Boxin'? Maxin'?
341
00:15:18,908 --> 00:15:20,409
Chaxin'?
342
00:15:20,443 --> 00:15:22,711
I used to stoop.
Oh, yeah.
343
00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:25,047
I used to flip, roll, you know,
whatever you want to call it.
344
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:27,216
Me and my crew,
345
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:31,821
we would get into activity,
much like yourselves.
346
00:15:31,856 --> 00:15:35,058
You see, the problem was,
we were only perpetuating
347
00:15:35,092 --> 00:15:38,228
the stereotype the system
already assumes about us.
348
00:15:38,262 --> 00:15:41,130
Mm.
You see, we need to
349
00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:44,400
stop feeding into
the preconceived notions
350
00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:45,902
that we are all...
351
00:15:45,936 --> 00:15:49,505
Great job, you guys.
You really work hard today.
352
00:15:49,539 --> 00:15:54,210
I wish I could pay you more,
but you know how it is.
353
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,581
Eh... who are you, huh?
What do you want?
354
00:15:57,616 --> 00:16:01,152
I-I don't know.
355
00:16:01,186 --> 00:16:02,686
As you were.
356
00:16:02,721 --> 00:16:04,788
As you were what, smart guy?
357
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:14,398
Mmm. Oh, ho.
Brothers, brothers, brothers,
358
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:17,869
Look at yourselves.
Pants hangin' off your ass,
359
00:16:17,903 --> 00:16:19,704
Looking like
a couple of clowns...
360
00:16:19,738 --> 00:16:23,574
which you are. okay,
Enjoy the birthday celebration.
361
00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:24,776
Gimme your [bleep] money,
Bitch!
362
00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:26,044
- No! No!
- I said,
363
00:16:26,078 --> 00:16:28,446
- gimme your [bleep] money, bitch!
- Oh! Oh!
364
00:16:28,481 --> 00:16:30,915
Brother, brother, brother.
365
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:34,519
Sir, everybody
in this self-defense class
366
00:16:34,554 --> 00:16:36,488
has already paid
to participate.
367
00:16:36,522 --> 00:16:39,456
If you're interested,
you can sign up online.
368
00:16:41,258 --> 00:16:42,692
- I'm interested.
- Good.
369
00:16:42,726 --> 00:16:44,446
That's why I came over here.
I'm interested.
370
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,793
I'm gon' think about it.
371
00:16:45,827 --> 00:16:48,828
- I'm interested.
- Thank you, sir.
372
00:16:48,862 --> 00:16:51,463
Now, ladies, it's gon' get
really intense today,
373
00:16:51,498 --> 00:16:52,764
no matter what happens.
374
00:16:52,799 --> 00:16:55,600
I will be groping
your breastasies
375
00:16:55,634 --> 00:16:57,434
as if you were being attacked
like a real attacker.
376
00:16:57,469 --> 00:17:02,071
Brother, brother, my brother.
Now, I was watching you.
377
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:06,741
Now, you older brothers
need to break the stereotype
378
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:09,376
and stop being so preachy.
379
00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:10,610
- You know what?
- Mm?
380
00:17:10,645 --> 00:17:11,744
- I'm preachy?
- Mm.
381
00:17:11,778 --> 00:17:13,111
Come on.
382
00:17:13,145 --> 00:17:16,480
You preachy, man.
Plus, you older than me.
383
00:17:16,514 --> 00:17:20,316
I'm nine years old.
I got Benjamin Button's disease.
384
00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:24,352
S... I'm done. I'm done.
385
00:17:29,157 --> 00:17:31,257
"Oh, nature's
gonna be so great once we get..."
386
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:35,459
Shove nature up your ass,
you bald [bleep]sucker.
387
00:17:35,493 --> 00:17:39,628
And by "bald [bleep]sucker,"
I mean you suck bald [bleep].
388
00:17:39,662 --> 00:17:40,662
Still awake.
389
00:17:45,503 --> 00:17:47,704
Do you guys... do you guys
like funk music?
390
00:17:47,738 --> 00:17:48,772
Yeah.
391
00:17:49,974 --> 00:17:51,842
I tell you, funk music
is a real testament
392
00:17:51,876 --> 00:17:53,811
to what a big group of people
can do
393
00:17:53,845 --> 00:17:55,680
- when they take acid together.
- Yes.
394
00:17:55,714 --> 00:17:59,217
It's really...
It's just fantastic.
395
00:17:59,251 --> 00:18:01,485
It looks like
a Halloween party for kids
396
00:18:01,519 --> 00:18:03,320
- when the parents was just drunk.
- Yeah, right, exactly.
397
00:18:03,354 --> 00:18:04,421
It's like, "I don't know,
just put some [bleep] on."
398
00:18:04,456 --> 00:18:05,789
"I don't... put this on
and just... blip!
399
00:18:05,824 --> 00:18:07,458
"Just stick on that in the head
400
00:18:07,492 --> 00:18:10,261
- "and wear nothing but a diaper."
- Yeah, you know.
401
00:18:10,295 --> 00:18:12,329
And the funny thing is,
the lyrics are just kind of
402
00:18:12,364 --> 00:18:15,099
a combination of some mode
of transportation...
403
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:17,268
- Mm-hmm.
- A food,
404
00:18:17,302 --> 00:18:18,536
- and an animal.
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:22,941
♪ Intergalactic hang glider
with a dog ♪
406
00:18:22,975 --> 00:18:24,408
Mm-hmm.
407
00:18:24,443 --> 00:18:26,343
- And just get it in there.
- Yeah.
408
00:18:26,377 --> 00:18:30,880
♪ Ostrich farm vanilla puddin'
Give it to me, y'all ♪
409
00:18:30,914 --> 00:18:32,048
Right?
410
00:18:32,082 --> 00:18:33,149
That's it.
411
00:18:33,184 --> 00:18:34,317
Might've made
too much sense there.
412
00:18:34,351 --> 00:18:35,718
Yeah, might have made
too much sense, yeah.
413
00:18:35,753 --> 00:18:37,153
It might've made... like,
"No, that's not funky,
414
00:18:37,187 --> 00:18:38,688
"cause I knew what the [bleep]
he was talking about."
415
00:18:38,722 --> 00:18:39,889
I knew what that meant.
416
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:55,039
♪ Got a pocket full of funky
with a peppermint twist ♪
417
00:18:55,073 --> 00:19:00,578
♪ She's a cool, shifty mama
blastin' off on the flip ♪
418
00:19:00,612 --> 00:19:05,383
♪ Iridescent pork belly
galactic super train ♪
419
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:09,987
♪ Mama sister playground
with a straw daddy cane ♪
420
00:19:10,022 --> 00:19:11,456
♪ Uh-huh
421
00:19:13,259 --> 00:19:15,860
- ♪ Gotta get it up
- ♪ Hey
422
00:19:15,894 --> 00:19:18,363
- ♪ Gotta get it on
- ♪ Uh
423
00:19:18,397 --> 00:19:20,865
- ♪ Gotta get it down
- ♪ Hey
424
00:19:20,899 --> 00:19:22,967
♪ Gotta make it strong
425
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:28,572
♪ Got that quick dip crayon
earthquake jet pack on a bun ♪
426
00:19:28,607 --> 00:19:32,276
♪ Locomotive supernova
Spanish Harlem sun ♪
427
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:33,844
♪ Yeah
428
00:19:33,879 --> 00:19:38,483
♪ Slick crawfish solar blast
with a phosphorescent brain ♪
429
00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:43,755
♪ Who's that mama squat town?
Deep fried Detroit soda train ♪
430
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:46,024
♪ Gotta shake it up
431
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:48,860
♪ Gotta move it in
432
00:19:48,894 --> 00:19:51,262
♪ Gotta put it down
433
00:19:51,296 --> 00:19:53,498
♪ You gotta make it swim
434
00:19:53,532 --> 00:19:58,870
♪ Nebulatic comets
sanitation disease ♪
435
00:19:58,904 --> 00:20:02,807
♪ Quick play tornado
rip and tickle beef sneeze ♪
436
00:20:02,842 --> 00:20:04,276
♪ Hey
437
00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:08,746
♪ Ships planets justice
cannons, cables, and trees ♪
438
00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:13,183
♪ Soctor's office penguin
shillings, railroads, and peas ♪
439
00:20:13,218 --> 00:20:16,753
♪ I said crippled donkey
Mel Brooks book train ♪
440
00:20:16,787 --> 00:20:18,922
♪ Bats on my knees
441
00:20:18,957 --> 00:20:23,661
♪ Penicillin trapdoor
laser currency beans ♪
442
00:20:23,695 --> 00:20:29,700
♪ He say penicillin trapdoor
laser currency beans ♪
443
00:20:29,734 --> 00:20:31,601
Hey, what the hell
are we saying, man?
444
00:20:31,636 --> 00:20:33,370
I got no idea, man.
I'm just hungry
445
00:20:33,404 --> 00:20:35,539
and talking
about the galaxy and trash.
446
00:20:35,573 --> 00:20:37,207
I think they buying it, though.
447
00:20:44,416 --> 00:20:45,416
- Tackle and grapple... No?
- Tackle and grap!
448
00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:46,817
- We tackle and grapple.
- You want we go
449
00:20:46,851 --> 00:20:47,951
- tackle and grapple?
- Gonna go tackle and grap.
450
00:20:47,986 --> 00:20:49,119
Tackle... look at these.
Tackle and grapple!
451
00:20:49,154 --> 00:20:50,221
- No, no, no.
- Tackle and grapple.
452
00:20:50,255 --> 00:20:51,289
No, no, no, no, no, no.
453
00:20:51,323 --> 00:20:52,723
Good night, everybody.
Good night.
454
00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:53,991
- Tackle and grapple.
- You stay there.
455
00:20:54,026 --> 00:20:55,593
- Man.
- Tackle.
456
00:20:55,627 --> 00:20:58,595
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
457
00:20:58,629 --> 00:21:00,630
Oh, yeah.
458
00:21:02,772 --> 00:21:07,808
Sync & correction by dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
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