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Female Narrator:
Previously on 'Forgive Me':
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00:00:03,483 --> 00:00:05,138
You're drunk! You're drunk
right now so there's no point
3
00:00:05,241 --> 00:00:07,345
in me trying to have
this conversation with you.
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00:00:07,448 --> 00:00:08,654
I'm not doing
this with you again.
5
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,207
I'm not gonna do it,
we do this every time!
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00:00:11,172 --> 00:00:13,689
Did you not get a call?
7
00:00:13,792 --> 00:00:15,379
No?
8
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:19,551
Your brother's in
the ICU, he's in a coma.
9
00:00:19,654 --> 00:00:21,172
Liam?
10
00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:22,448
Christopher.
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00:00:23,861 --> 00:00:26,896
I just, I just saw him,
I saw him two weeks ago!
12
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,551
I thought you knew,
that's why I'm here!
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00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:34,414
They can't
do a transplant.
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00:00:34,516 --> 00:00:38,723
You have to be sober for six
months to even get on a list.
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00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:41,482
Can I give
him a kidney?
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00:00:41,585 --> 00:00:42,689
Don't even
think about it!
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00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:51,689
On the thir--
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00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:53,516
on the third
day he rose again.
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00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,861
He ascended into heaven and
is seated at the right hand--
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00:00:57,172 --> 00:01:07,276
? 'Ave Maria' by
Christopher Frances Mitchell ?
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00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:21,276
? 'Ave Maria' by
Christopher Frances Mitchell ?
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00:01:33,241 --> 00:01:34,585
Hi!
23
00:01:34,689 --> 00:01:35,827
Hi.
24
00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:39,207
I thought you'd be
at the hospital today.
25
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:41,207
How's your brother?
26
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:43,241
He died.
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00:01:43,345 --> 00:01:45,758
I'm sorry.
28
00:01:45,861 --> 00:01:50,379
Thank you-- Can I?
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00:01:50,482 --> 00:01:51,792
'Course.
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00:01:51,896 --> 00:01:55,241
In the name of the Father,
and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
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00:01:55,345 --> 00:01:56,896
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
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00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,310
It's been a couple weeks
since my last confession.
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00:02:03,654 --> 00:02:06,620
I'm listening.
34
00:02:06,723 --> 00:02:09,276
I unplugged him.
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00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:10,792
Yeah?
36
00:02:10,896 --> 00:02:14,516
I didn't want him
to suffer anymore.
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00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,447
Of course.
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00:02:16,551 --> 00:02:19,620
Now I'm thinking I did
not do the right thing.
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00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,620
It's a terrible
sin, isn't it?
40
00:02:21,723 --> 00:02:23,000
Circumstances.
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00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:26,000
It is though, isn't it?
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00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:31,378
We're not, we're not
obligated, as Catholics,
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00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:35,276
to use extraordinary
measures to prolong life.
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00:02:35,378 --> 00:02:37,000
Your brother was
gonna die anyway.
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00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:40,447
I mean, that's why they asked
you in to do the last rites.
46
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:43,827
That was more to calm my mother
down about eternal damnation.
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00:02:43,930 --> 00:02:46,276
Right. How is she?
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00:02:46,378 --> 00:02:48,965
How do you think?
49
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,516
I'm sure it's hard.
50
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,620
What about feeding him?
51
00:02:52,723 --> 00:02:55,276
Feeding a sick person. That
doesn't seem extraordinary.
52
00:02:55,378 --> 00:02:58,276
You feed sick people,
you feed people every day.
53
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,689
Yeah. That's right.
54
00:03:00,792 --> 00:03:05,344
To stop feeding is a, a point
of controversy, in the church.
55
00:03:05,447 --> 00:03:06,861
You mean a sin?
56
00:03:06,965 --> 00:03:10,378
Yeah. To some people.
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00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:14,689
To church
higher ups, yes.
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00:03:14,792 --> 00:03:16,516
It's a sin.
59
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:18,965
But what, you, you
don't believe that?
60
00:03:19,069 --> 00:03:20,689
You don't
adhere to that?
61
00:03:20,792 --> 00:03:27,551
Well. I do. I
just... empathize.
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00:03:27,654 --> 00:03:30,344
And the cardinals and
archbishops don't empathize?
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00:03:30,447 --> 00:03:32,000
I didn't say that.
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00:03:32,103 --> 00:03:35,344
Let's just stick
to your confession.
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00:03:35,447 --> 00:03:39,620
I killed him. I
decided to kill him.
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00:03:39,723 --> 00:03:41,516
It's not the same.
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00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,620
I unplugged him.
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00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:51,689
You regret
unplugging your brother.
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00:03:51,792 --> 00:04:00,620
Today I do. I do...
and I don't, and I do.
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00:04:00,723 --> 00:04:02,861
That's grieving.
71
00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:07,930
It's guilt.
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00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:12,413
What else are
you guilty about?
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00:04:12,516 --> 00:04:16,758
I mean, what sins
are you guilty about?
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00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:18,275
I didn't... help him.
75
00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:26,413
When he was drunk.
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00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:29,792
When he would call,
I wouldn't pick it up.
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00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:33,275
And every time I
did, he was drunk.
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00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:39,069
Every time I saw him.
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00:04:39,172 --> 00:04:43,551
And I rationalized that
he wasn't always drunk.
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00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:54,689
But that somehow it
was associated with me.
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00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:57,965
Like he'd get drunk to
work up the nerve to talk to me
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00:04:58,069 --> 00:05:03,585
or he'd, he'd decide when he was
drunk that he wanted to see me
83
00:05:03,689 --> 00:05:06,206
or call me because
he thought of some great joke
84
00:05:06,309 --> 00:05:09,758
or whatever but...
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00:05:09,861 --> 00:05:14,758
I made it up in my head that
he was sober sometimes so...
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00:05:14,861 --> 00:05:21,827
so I could ignore it.
87
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,827
So I could ignore him.
88
00:05:23,930 --> 00:05:25,206
20/20 hindsight.
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00:05:25,309 --> 00:05:27,758
I was kidding myself.
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00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,654
If I wasn't gonna do something,
if I wasn't gonna intervene,
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00:05:30,758 --> 00:05:33,000
then who would?
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00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:37,516
You couldn't know
what would happen.
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00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:42,482
That he would drink
himself into a coma.
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00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:43,861
Into death.
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00:05:43,965 --> 00:05:45,551
Actually...
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00:05:45,654 --> 00:05:48,171
I mean, I didn't but...
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I could have.
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00:05:52,585 --> 00:05:55,723
Our grandfather
and our father--
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00:05:55,827 --> 00:05:57,482
it wasn't
exactly the same thing
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00:05:57,585 --> 00:06:02,000
but it was
drinking that killed them.
101
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:04,896
I don't know.
102
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:09,206
So. You ignored your
brother in his time of need.
103
00:06:09,309 --> 00:06:13,551
Yeah. Which was
always, pretty much.
104
00:06:13,654 --> 00:06:16,034
Were you never close?
105
00:06:16,137 --> 00:06:21,551
No, we were.
106
00:06:21,654 --> 00:06:25,930
I think as kids,
we were very close.
107
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:37,137
I really
looked up to him.
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00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,896
He was the good
looking one, y'know,
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00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,275
he was the
athletic one.
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00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:47,896
I was a few
years younger,
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00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:53,827
he was better
than me, at everything.
112
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:58,551
[whispered]
And he was funny.
113
00:06:58,654 --> 00:07:04,723
He doted on me...
his little brother.
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00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:19,723
He guided me, he protected
me, right through our childhood.
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00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:24,620
He, he was always braver.
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00:07:24,723 --> 00:07:27,000
He was more passionate,
he had more gusto than me.
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00:07:29,344 --> 00:07:32,240
But he always just
slowed his step a bit.
118
00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:40,654
He always let me catch up and
he always let me be on his teams
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00:07:40,758 --> 00:07:44,620
even though I was always the
reason that the team would lose.
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00:07:44,723 --> 00:07:45,827
Every time.
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00:07:47,654 --> 00:07:53,620
And when I messed up and they
sent me to bed without dinner,
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00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:59,344
he would put
food in his pockets
123
00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:01,585
and he'd sneak
it up to the bedroom.
124
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:05,344
That's so sweet.
125
00:08:05,447 --> 00:08:09,033
He taught me
everything I know about women.
126
00:08:09,137 --> 00:08:10,689
How much is that?
127
00:08:10,792 --> 00:08:18,240
[laughs] Exactly,
but, I mean he tried.
128
00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:22,723
Well, you must have picked
something up, father. [snickers]
129
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:30,206
Christopher was always
the one to stay in touch.
130
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,689
He was the one to
pick up the phone.
131
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:35,102
He was the one to
drop in on me here.
132
00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:36,723
He attended this church?
133
00:08:36,827 --> 00:08:41,275
No, but he
visited me here...
134
00:08:41,378 --> 00:08:43,965
because it was the
only way he could see me
135
00:08:44,068 --> 00:08:46,102
because I was an ass.
136
00:08:46,206 --> 00:08:50,240
Well, you didn't
want to see him.
137
00:08:50,344 --> 00:08:52,171
He drank too much.
138
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:55,689
Just like our
father and our mother.
139
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:57,689
It bothered me.
140
00:08:57,792 --> 00:08:59,206
He was a mean drunk?
141
00:08:59,309 --> 00:09:01,482
No.
142
00:09:01,585 --> 00:09:04,482
No, I mean he had a...
143
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:06,964
he had a tongue
on him. Drunk or not.
144
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:10,758
But you know people can,
people can say anything.
145
00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:14,758
So long as it's
genuinely funny.
146
00:09:14,861 --> 00:09:19,068
And he was just relentless
in trying to make me laugh
147
00:09:19,171 --> 00:09:21,758
and I'd just
kick him out.
148
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:26,999
I'd hang up. I'd
make some excuse to leave.
149
00:09:27,102 --> 00:09:29,758
[sighs] Whatever.
150
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:34,999
Well, he knew
that you loved him.
151
00:09:35,102 --> 00:09:39,240
Brothers do.
That's why they fight.
152
00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:43,344
I was able to sit
with him in the hospital
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00:09:43,447 --> 00:09:47,758
and tell him
that I loved him.
154
00:09:47,861 --> 00:09:50,758
That I admired him.
155
00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:56,240
That he was a good
person and that he was loved.
156
00:09:56,344 --> 00:09:59,827
I find myself thinking about
what Christopher would have done
157
00:09:59,929 --> 00:10:04,068
if he, if he had
more time on this Earth
158
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:07,929
and I don't, I
don't have an answer,
159
00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:11,964
I don't imagine that
he would have either.
160
00:10:14,275 --> 00:10:19,413
When I was praying for
his recovery in the ICU,
161
00:10:19,516 --> 00:10:24,068
I kept asking God to just
please let him get better,
162
00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:28,827
so he could
keep fucking up!
163
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,275
Y'know, keep drinking.
164
00:10:34,102 --> 00:10:36,344
Doctors told me
that if he recovered,
165
00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:41,999
that if he had anything to
drink, at all, he would die.
166
00:10:42,102 --> 00:10:47,068
And I just, I knew, in my
heart that if he got better,
167
00:10:47,171 --> 00:10:49,792
that's what would
happen, he would recover,
168
00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:56,137
he would start drinking again
and he would just die anyway.
169
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,929
And I started to pray
that if that was what
170
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,723
was going to happen
to just let him die sooner,
171
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:05,413
rather than later
and save him the agony.
172
00:11:05,516 --> 00:11:12,827
Save my grandmother
and my mother, the agony.
173
00:11:12,929 --> 00:11:15,413
I prayed for
my brother to die.
174
00:11:15,516 --> 00:11:21,137
People do pray for
death, to end the suffering.
175
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,999
Your brother is with God.
176
00:11:23,102 --> 00:11:25,551
Not if anything that
I was taught about hell
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00:11:25,654 --> 00:11:27,999
and the Devil is true.
178
00:11:28,102 --> 00:11:30,171
Don't think that way.
179
00:11:31,551 --> 00:11:34,309
You gave him
the last rites?
180
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:36,723
He was in a coma.
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00:11:39,068 --> 00:11:42,826
He didn't confess, he
didn't get any comfort from it.
182
00:11:42,929 --> 00:11:45,826
You don't know.
183
00:11:45,929 --> 00:11:49,482
You should get
comfort from it.
184
00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:52,929
When I'm giving other
people the last rites,
185
00:11:53,033 --> 00:12:01,206
strangers, even I, I
felt a lot of conviction.
186
00:12:01,309 --> 00:12:02,895
It felt useful.
187
00:12:02,999 --> 00:12:05,240
With my brother
it was just hollow.
188
00:12:07,137 --> 00:12:10,378
It felt like I was doing it for
my grandmother or for myself,
189
00:12:10,482 --> 00:12:11,999
but it wasn't for him.
190
00:12:12,102 --> 00:12:14,447
I should've done it,
or one of the other guys.
191
00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:17,551
No, no. I wanted to,
it's okay, I wanted to do it
192
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:22,620
and my family did too.
They wanted me to do it.
193
00:12:22,723 --> 00:12:24,895
When somebody's in a
coma and they're dying
194
00:12:24,999 --> 00:12:29,551
everybody's
so... helpless!
195
00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:34,378
It was something, at least,
I could do, for my grandmother
196
00:12:34,482 --> 00:12:37,206
and for my mother, I
know that for them it was,
197
00:12:37,309 --> 00:12:39,620
uh, it was
like a payoff.
198
00:12:39,723 --> 00:12:42,482
Y'know, for all those years
that I spent being a priest.
199
00:12:42,585 --> 00:12:44,929
I wish that I
had more time with him,
200
00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:47,999
I just wish that I had done
something to figure it out.
201
00:12:48,102 --> 00:12:50,964
Why did you
stop being close?
202
00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:52,895
Was it the booze?
203
00:12:52,999 --> 00:12:55,791
No, long before that.
204
00:12:58,068 --> 00:12:59,344
Parents.
205
00:13:01,585 --> 00:13:06,378
Divorce, step-parents.
206
00:13:06,482 --> 00:13:08,447
He went off to
live with our father,
207
00:13:08,551 --> 00:13:11,964
and I, I, I just, I just
stayed with my grandmother.
208
00:13:12,068 --> 00:13:14,447
Christopher was old enough to
take care of himself basically,
209
00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:17,964
at that point so
he didn't have to...
210
00:13:18,068 --> 00:13:23,275
rely on my father, he was, he
was hard for my gram to handle.
211
00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:25,378
Why?
212
00:13:25,482 --> 00:13:29,033
I dunno, I , I didn't
think he was so bad, but I mean,
213
00:13:29,137 --> 00:13:34,102
when he was fourteen,
fifteen, she said he had to go.
214
00:13:34,206 --> 00:13:36,620
She didn't
want him around.
215
00:13:36,722 --> 00:13:40,654
They protected
you from the reasons
216
00:13:40,757 --> 00:13:42,275
because
you were littler.
217
00:13:42,378 --> 00:13:44,344
Maybe.
218
00:13:44,447 --> 00:13:47,964
Maybe, I mean it
was, it was kid stuff,
219
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:49,999
It was, it was
throwing a party
220
00:13:50,102 --> 00:13:52,102
while my
grandparents were out of town
221
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:55,137
and some
neighbour called the cops.
222
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:58,447
Y'know, sneaking
out and drinking, yeah.
223
00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:02,551
But if, if you're concerned
about your teenager drinking,
224
00:14:02,654 --> 00:14:05,206
you don't send them
to live in some boarding house
225
00:14:05,309 --> 00:14:07,344
surrounded by
a dozen alcoholics.
226
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,999
[sighs]
227
00:14:09,102 --> 00:14:11,240
I'm sorry. [chuckles]
228
00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:13,447
I'm, I'm sorry, you
don't need to hear all this.
229
00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:19,102
I feel like I'm finally
getting to know you a bit.
230
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:22,240
Not in the good way.
231
00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:28,722
I'm not here to
judge you, or your family.
232
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,999
It was always just bad.
233
00:14:31,102 --> 00:14:34,722
I didn't, I didn't see
him for a really long time.
234
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:41,068
You were separated from
him when you were young.
235
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,102
What about as adults?
236
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:45,344
I mean, I'd see him.
237
00:14:45,447 --> 00:14:49,171
Y'know, every year or two
he'd drop in or he'd call,
238
00:14:49,275 --> 00:14:55,344
but we'd just, we always ended
up talking about the same shit,
239
00:14:55,447 --> 00:14:57,722
the same childhood stuff.
240
00:14:57,826 --> 00:15:03,309
He'd, he'd bring up,
every time I saw him,
241
00:15:03,413 --> 00:15:08,068
he'd bring up how
he'd forgiven our dad.
242
00:15:08,171 --> 00:15:12,413
Y'know, he could see our
father in a different light,
243
00:15:12,516 --> 00:15:15,688
not, not through the
hurt eyes of a child,
244
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:19,240
but from the point
of view of a grown man.
245
00:15:19,344 --> 00:15:21,344
[imitating] "We always
had food in our stomachs,
246
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:23,413
we always had a
roof over our heads".
247
00:15:23,516 --> 00:15:26,171
Y'know, my memory
of these things is that,
248
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,447
they were always way
more precarious, but that's it,
249
00:15:28,551 --> 00:15:30,584
that's all he every
wanted to talk about!
250
00:15:30,688 --> 00:15:35,413
Why? Why do think he
told you that every time?
251
00:15:35,516 --> 00:15:39,068
I think he wanted
to convince himself.
252
00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:41,344
Maybe he wanted
to convince you.
253
00:15:45,826 --> 00:15:47,826
No, we just, we
didn't see each other.
254
00:15:47,929 --> 00:15:50,068
We didn't see each
other enough as adults,
255
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:51,688
we had to go
back twenty years
256
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:53,516
to find anything
we shared in common,
257
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,688
every single one of
those memories is hard.
258
00:15:55,791 --> 00:15:58,102
Maybe he wanted you
to forgive your dad...
259
00:16:00,550 --> 00:16:04,344
or...
260
00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:05,757
[sighs]
261
00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:09,653
because he
wanted forgiveness too?
262
00:16:09,757 --> 00:16:13,860
Maybe. Yeah.
263
00:16:13,964 --> 00:16:22,137
[sighs] So you're
saying, all those things,
264
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,653
all that conflict
and baggage between you,
265
00:16:25,757 --> 00:16:28,826
they coloured your
decisions in the hospital?
266
00:16:28,929 --> 00:16:31,137
I just wanted to
keep on ignoring him.
267
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:35,550
But you weren't
ignoring it. You were there.
268
00:16:35,653 --> 00:16:40,137
In the hospital,
doing difficult things.
269
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,137
He opened his
eyes for awhile.
270
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,929
A half-hour.
271
00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:54,550
He heard my voice and he
opened his eyes and he listened.
272
00:16:54,653 --> 00:16:58,550
I thought, well
that's, that's amazing.
273
00:16:58,653 --> 00:17:04,378
Add ten minutes a day, one
to that, and in a month or two
274
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,206
he would be able to
stay awake for half a day.
275
00:17:08,309 --> 00:17:11,722
And I just thought
maybe, give it time.
276
00:17:11,826 --> 00:17:17,447
He moved his arm, up a bit,
like an inch, they told me,
277
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:19,481
and I figured,
there's that too.
278
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:23,378
We give it a year, or two
and maybe he lifts his arm
279
00:17:23,481 --> 00:17:26,722
all the way up over his
head, or maybe he walks.
280
00:17:26,826 --> 00:17:30,206
Just little improvements.
281
00:17:30,309 --> 00:17:32,378
But then I
started to think.
282
00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:33,757
How?
283
00:17:34,826 --> 00:17:36,102
Where?
284
00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:43,206
My grandfather's been in
bed y'know, for years now.
285
00:17:43,309 --> 00:17:45,206
I mean at first
I figured we just,
286
00:17:45,309 --> 00:17:48,206
we could throw
them in bed together
287
00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:51,206
and what's the difference?
Grammy can wipe two butts.
288
00:17:51,309 --> 00:17:54,378
He's on all
these machines.
289
00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:59,206
He had a tube down
his neck to breath.
290
00:17:59,309 --> 00:18:01,653
He had a tube
in his nose to eat.
291
00:18:01,757 --> 00:18:08,275
He had, ten or
twelve IV drips.
292
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:11,619
A shunt in his
kidney. A shunt!
293
00:18:11,722 --> 00:18:17,722
A catheter and I dunno,
something to draw the shit out.
294
00:18:17,826 --> 00:18:19,895
Colostomy.
295
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,550
My worse fear wasn't
that he was going to die
296
00:18:22,653 --> 00:18:25,309
it was that he was
just going to go on living.
297
00:18:27,826 --> 00:18:29,860
Just lay there.
298
00:18:29,964 --> 00:18:33,275
Some vegetative state.
299
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,515
He only woke
up that once.
300
00:18:35,619 --> 00:18:37,999
He just, he opened his
eyes from time to time,
301
00:18:38,102 --> 00:18:39,206
before and after that.
302
00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:48,895
Those breathing
machines, they, they,
303
00:18:48,999 --> 00:18:51,344
they were
painful for him.
304
00:18:51,446 --> 00:18:54,275
Every breath was a blast
of air forced into his lungs,
305
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:57,344
it was a,
it was a spasm.
306
00:18:57,446 --> 00:19:04,722
It was just too long to live
like that, so, I unplugged him.
307
00:19:04,826 --> 00:19:08,584
I knew I was going to burn
in hell for it, I did it anyway.
308
00:19:08,688 --> 00:19:10,999
You're not going
to burn in hell.
309
00:19:11,102 --> 00:19:13,860
Isn't that what I
would tell somebody else
310
00:19:13,964 --> 00:19:16,343
who turned off a
life-support machine?
311
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:19,722
No, not necessarily.
312
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,964
Did you turn off
the feeding tube?
313
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:23,550
Did you
withhold water?
314
00:19:23,653 --> 00:19:25,722
I mean, how
far did you go?
315
00:19:25,826 --> 00:19:29,343
He died, within two minutes
of turning that ventilator off,
316
00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:30,722
two, three minutes.
317
00:19:30,826 --> 00:19:32,860
I figured we'd cross
the feeding tube business
318
00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,068
when we came to it but we
didn't have to think about it.
319
00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:40,412
So the breathing machine
really was doing everything.
320
00:19:40,515 --> 00:19:42,309
Liver, kidney, lungs.
321
00:19:43,722 --> 00:19:45,446
Dominoes.
322
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:46,964
Crashed.
323
00:19:47,068 --> 00:19:49,343
Then he
really was dead.
324
00:19:49,446 --> 00:19:51,377
You turned off a
breathing machine.
325
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:52,791
You didn't
terminate a life.
326
00:19:52,895 --> 00:19:54,377
He was not dead.
327
00:19:54,481 --> 00:19:56,999
He wasn't dead until I
turned off those machines!
328
00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:04,895
Listen to me,
if this thing,
329
00:20:04,999 --> 00:20:08,377
if this thing in
my head comes for me,
330
00:20:09,722 --> 00:20:11,653
if it comes
to kill me...
331
00:20:14,619 --> 00:20:18,757
I will not
die like that.
332
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:20,446
I'm not going
on a ventilator
333
00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:22,964
and I'm not going
on a feeding tube.
334
00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:25,860
So you promise me,
that if it gets to that point
335
00:20:25,964 --> 00:20:28,515
where I need a ventilator
or a tube, or anything,
336
00:20:28,619 --> 00:20:32,722
any kind of machine
that you will just...
337
00:20:32,826 --> 00:20:36,688
you just wheel me out. You wheel
me out, take me to the beach.
338
00:20:36,791 --> 00:20:39,895
I'd rather die
from too much sun.
339
00:20:42,377 --> 00:20:44,584
I'm sorry.
340
00:20:44,688 --> 00:20:48,033
I'm sorry.
[deep breath] I'm sorry.
341
00:20:52,722 --> 00:20:55,860
Okay.
342
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,722
I absolve you, in
the name of the Father,
343
00:20:58,826 --> 00:21:00,999
the Son, and
the Holy Spirit.
344
00:21:05,446 --> 00:21:07,757
Oh, almighty and
most merciful God,
345
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:09,791
I...
346
00:21:09,895 --> 00:21:11,999
give thanks with all
the powers of my soul
347
00:21:12,102 --> 00:21:14,964
for this and all other
mercies, graces and blessings
348
00:21:15,068 --> 00:21:16,584
bestowed upon me,
349
00:21:16,688 --> 00:21:18,757
and prostrating
myself at your sacred feet,
350
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:22,068
I offer myself
henceforth to be forever yours.
351
00:21:22,171 --> 00:21:25,929
Let nothing in life or
death ever separate me from you.
352
00:21:26,033 --> 00:21:29,068
I renounce with my whole soul
all of my treasons against you
353
00:21:29,171 --> 00:21:33,688
and all of the abominations
and the sins of my past life.
354
00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:36,584
I renew my
promises made at Baptism,
355
00:21:36,688 --> 00:21:39,412
and I dedicate myself,
from this day forward
356
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,584
to your
eternal service.
357
00:21:41,688 --> 00:21:44,999
Grant that moving
forward, I may detest sin
358
00:21:45,102 --> 00:21:49,515
more than death itself
and avoid all such occasions,
359
00:21:49,619 --> 00:21:52,757
occurrences and companies as
have unhappily brought me to it.
360
00:21:52,860 --> 00:21:56,412
This I ask, through the
aid of your divine grace,
361
00:21:56,412 --> 00:21:59,137
without which I
can do nothing. Amen.
362
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:04,550
Feel better?
363
00:22:10,205 --> 00:23:10,584
?
364
00:23:10,584 --> 00:23:12,550
Narrator:
Next time on 'Forgive Me':
365
00:23:12,550 --> 00:23:16,550
[murmurs]
366
00:23:16,550 --> 00:23:18,550
Don't sit
with my family.
367
00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:20,205
I'm a friend.
368
00:23:20,205 --> 00:23:22,722
Not that
good a friend.
369
00:23:22,722 --> 00:23:24,619
Look I'm just, I'm
asking you, please.
370
00:23:24,619 --> 00:23:26,722
All these people already
know, they're already talking,
371
00:23:26,722 --> 00:23:29,722
don't make my brothers
funeral about you, okay?
372
00:23:29,722 --> 00:23:33,653
Just, sit back here.
373
00:23:33,653 --> 00:23:37,033
I'm here to
comfort your grandma.
374
00:23:37,033 --> 00:23:46,068
That's fine, you can
comfort her, in private.
375
00:23:46,068 --> 00:23:50,964
[door creaks]
376
00:23:53,929 --> 00:23:55,895
Figured it was
my only chance.
377
00:23:55,895 --> 00:23:58,067
Oh you know, you could
always be a lay-reader.
378
00:23:58,067 --> 00:24:00,722
No. Pope or nothing.
379
00:24:00,722 --> 00:24:02,205
I want to be in charge.
380
00:24:10,999 --> 00:24:13,033
Look, I gotta
tell you something.
381
00:24:13,033 --> 00:24:15,170
It can wait.
382
00:24:15,170 --> 00:24:16,860
No, it's important.
383
00:24:16,860 --> 00:24:18,308
It's a funeral--
384
00:24:18,826 --> 00:24:21,619
What, you finally fucking
proved it to me, did ya?
385
00:24:21,619 --> 00:24:22,999
Shut your mouth.
386
00:24:24,757 --> 00:24:25,826
want me to stay!
387
00:24:25,826 --> 00:24:27,619
No, listen,
listen to me!
388
00:24:27,619 --> 00:24:29,205
When your brother
was in the hospital
389
00:24:29,205 --> 00:24:31,999
and the doctor
went over his options,
390
00:24:31,999 --> 00:24:33,929
I realized
things had to change.
391
00:24:37,826 --> 00:24:41,619
I want you to
confess something to me.
392
00:24:41,619 --> 00:24:43,964
That's not
how this works.
393
00:24:43,964 --> 00:24:46,619
I can see you
struggling with whatever it is
394
00:24:46,619 --> 00:24:50,964
you pretend isn't
going on in your life, okay?
395
00:24:50,964 --> 00:24:54,999
You want to lie about it,
but you can't fight it either.
396
00:24:55,049 --> 00:24:59,599
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